A recent photo-layout in the "Times" on corked platform shoes started a string of recollections of my first forays into fashion, of David Bowie’s "Rebel, Rebel," and of courses of Lisa Brown. I smiled to myself remembering that first time ... Lisa and I had known one another for a long time. We had gone through grammar school together but we became friends during our freshman year in high school when we realized that we were the only students who had been accepted from our grammar school. We had gone to school together and found that we had hated the same teachers, read the same books and magazines, and shared the same taste in rock ‘n roll listening to T. Rex, Mott the Hoople, The New York Dolls, and Bowie. Even our hair was the same color and length but at that time everyone who was cool had really long hair.
School had just ended and Lisa and I were hanging out in her bedroom one morning sitting on the floor listening to WPLJ and smoking Wacky Weed. Her parents were both at work and we had the apartment to ourselves. Soon we were giggling and laughing at one another. Lisa stood to get something to drink, but she stumbled and flopped onto the bed. I burst out laughing, as she rolled over. "I’d like to see you try and walk in these." She lifted up her legs and pointed at the beige two-inch platform Buffalo sandals. "No problem." Lisa looked at me for an instant and then rolled off the bed and beneath it. She re-emerged with a pair of yellow suede platform shoes and pushed them in front of me. I looked at the shoes and then at Lisa who still laying on the floor. "Okay," I said as I plucked up the shoes. I untied my dirty Cons and tugged off my sweat socks. As my hand began to untie the laces of the platforms Lisa stood up.
"Wait a second, your not putting your dirty feet in my shoes." She pulled open a dresser draw and flipped a pair of black pantyhose at me. "Put these on first." I stared at the pantyhose, and Lisa sensed my hesitation, "Don’t worry, you’ll look fine. You’ve really got some nice legs. I’ve seen you beach, remember." "I can’t do this," my protest began, though the cool material was starting to burn into the palms of my hands.
"You’re right." Lisa turned back towards the dresser and dangled a pair of tiny black lace panties from her finger. "You’ll need to have these on." I looked at her, my jaw slack. "C’mon, I’ve seen the way you look at things, like that time we went to the Mall and you staring at that denim dress in No Name." Now my mouth was dry, my heart was thumping so hard that I thought she could see it. "You really are cute, you know." My face turned redder than sunburn. "And if you want with a little help you’d be really hot."
I sat there the heavy smoke still in the air, Tull playing on the radio. For whatever reasons I’d often thought about dressing up, about wearing a dress, about being like a girl, but I had never told anyone that. There had been times when I had dressed in my sister’s clothes, but she had grown bigger than me and now her clothes looked silly on me and I felt foolish and stupid. Now here was Lisa offering me a chance to do something I really wanted to do, all I had to do was trust her. She was still waiting for me and was my best friend. "Will they fit?" She laughed and threw the panties at me. "There’s only one to find out." She fished in her dresser again and this time came up with a black rayon bra. "What are you waiting for, get undress." I sat on the edge of the bed and took off my pants, then I paused. I had never undressed in front of a girl before. But Lisa was busy shuffling things around on one of her night tables, so I quickly stripped away my white jockey shorts and pulled up the black panties. Immediately I began to feel myself harden and felt a rush of embarrassment. "Ah, Lisa ..." She turned to look at me and pointed to the bathroom. Grabbing the pantyhose I hustled inside, where closing the door I rapidly spent myself. I sat on the edge of the tub and managed to get the pantyhose more or less on. The center seam ran in nine directions and there seemed to be a small gap between the pantyhose and the panties. I pushed myself in and under the panties and stepped back into Lisa’s bedroom. "Take that stupid T-shirt off and get over here." She was sitting cross-legged at the head of the bed. The T-shirt lifted off and I sat in front of her. "Turn around first." My body followed her twisting finger. "Stick your arms out." As I did so Lisa slipped the shoulder loops of the bra over my arms. She pulled the stretchy material tight and hook the little steely clasp into place. The tightness made me feel hard again and I almost lost control when I felt Lisa’s hands stuff the bra cups with balled up pantyhose. The feeling of suspended weight made me feel so different. Lisa then turned me by my shoulders to face her.
"We’ll start with just a little foundation, you’re lucky you don’t have that much hair." Her fingers swirled a creamy beige gel over my face. "Now don’t say anything under I’m done." Only the radio made noise for next fifteen minutes as Lisa dabbed and drew and flicked and painted my face for the first time. When she had put away the last of her make-up kit, I started to open my mouth. There was a strange feeling around the corners of my mouth and my eyes itched. "Not yet." Lisa said as she pulled out a rat-comb and started to comb out my hair. A few minutes later she sat back and frowned. "I don’t know." My heart sank and I began to realize that I most have looked just like a guy in drag. Lisa shook her head and stood up and went to her closet. "What’s wrong? I finally asked. "How do I look? Am I that ugly?" I swung my legs over the edge of the bed. Lisa turned to me and held out a pair of satiny black hot pants, with half-inch cuffs, and a white angora sweater with black trim. Enchanted I reached out and took the hot pants. The slick material swished as I slid them over my pantyhosed legs. When I neared my thighs I had to use both hands to pull up first one leg and then the other, until they encased me. I fought with the zipper before taking a deep breath that let me get close it. Only then did I feel their exquisite tautness, my rear felt like it was sheathed in Saran Wrap. When I looked down I saw that the hot pants had done away with the last of hardness, all that showed was a smooth curve. Then Lisa had me raise my arms while she placed the sweater over my head. The wool was soft and fragrant, surrounding itself to my body.
"I still don’t know." Lisa again shook her head. My spirits fell. "Wait I know what’s missing." She ducked into her closet again and emerged with a pair a black leather three-inch platform boots. My heart throbbed as Lisa made me sit, the feeling of the hot pants and the pantyhose and the strain of the bra against the sweater made me feel the stirrings to become hard again, but I was caught in the web of the panties. Squatting in front of me Lisa squeezed my feet in to the boots. The leather slithered across my calves, the tops reaching just below the crease of my knee. The sound of the inside zipper and the sweet tension of the leather on my legs almost made me faint. When I stood my toes felt as if they were crushed.
"How do I look," I whined, looking for the nearest mirror. I wanted to be the prettiest, sexiest girl around, but I was afraid that I appeared too masculine. "You’ll see in a minute. You weren’t so impatience a few minutes ago." Lisa laughed and rummaged on the top of her dresser. She circled my neck with a black silk choker, slipped two silver bracelets on my left arm and then took my hand. Silently we walked out of her room and into her parents bedroom. My foot steps a little wobbly and uncertain. "Close your eyes." Lisa said as I shut my eyes and heard the door shut and Lisa step away. "Okay, you can open them." There was a full-length mirror hanging on the back of the door. I stood in its reflection, sexy long legs covered in black leather, narrow waist and smooth appealing crotch highlighted by the curves of hot pants, fledgling breasts straining against white wool. At top the attractive, sexy, feminine body was a bright lovely face. Lisa had arranged my hair to highlight my long, sharp cheekbones and her skill with her make-up added to my appeal. I was dazed, running hands over my body and primping my hair. Then I turned to Lisa who was beaming, I ran the few shirt steps to her and gave her a tremendous hug. "Oh, thank you, thank you," I said over and over.
Just then the phone rang. I jumped, in a state of panic. Someone had seen all this, someone we knew was going to tell my parents. Lisa freed herself from my arms and went into the living room to answer the ringing phone. My heart beating wildly I stood there, rooted in fear, until Lisa came back in. "Who was it?" "Joey. He and Alan are coming over." Joey and Lisa had had a very loose and vague relationship, more then friends but not going steady. Alan was Joey’s best friend.
"Tonight?" I almost begged.
"No, now they’ll be here in a couple of minutes. They’ve got more Wacky Weed."
Lisa saw the look of panic on my face. "You don’t have to hide. You look great." "But they’ll know it’s me." I had no idea what to do, I wanted to run, but where could go, everyone would know that I was dressed as a girl. Lisa held my shoulders and looked me in the eye. "Look, just trust me on this. Try to relax." I saw the sense of compassion in her eyes and let my shoulders ease down.
Then the doorbell buzzed. Lisa took me by the hand and lead my stumbling into the living room. She pushed me into the couch an answered the front door. I thought I was going to die, my throat was so dry I could not swallow, my heart was beating so fast it almost felt as if it had stopped. Footsteps came nearer and I wanted to climb behind the couch and hide. Too late, there they were walking into the living room, Lisa in front, smiling at me. "Joey, Alan, this is Dawn."
The two boys were alike, both tall and lanky. Joey had long blond hair in pulled into a ponytail, while Alan’s black hair was cut in a shag. They each had on jeans and bleach stained dungaree jackets with sneakers. They looked at me for a minute, and Alan said "How come you’re dressed like that?" I felt the floor disappear and my stomach follow.
"We were just trying thing on for the concert next week." Lisa said, sitting on one chair, Joey sat in the one next to her and Alan sat next to me. I wondered if he could hear my heart beat as I felt the pillow sink and my body slide slightly towards him. "Ready to smoke?" Joey asked, extracting a joint from his jacket pocket and lighting one end. He rook a long pull on the joint and passed it to Lisa who gave it Alan. When he turned to pass it to me, I thought I was going to drop the joint. He fingertip pressed against mine and a second later I was inhaling the heavy smoke. After another round I finally began to relax. By the next joint we were staring to giggle and after the third one we were all laughing. When the fourth joint was nothing but a roach, Lisa staggered up to get something to drink, Joey followed her into the kitchen. I was alone with Alan.
My eyes looked all over the room, anywhere but at Alan. That was why I did not see his hand until it was brushing away a few strands of my hair. "You look really hot, you know that." My throat was glued shut. Alan shifted his body and the pillows swayed pulling my body closer to his own. His hand was now trailing behind my ear, lightly brushing my neck. I swallowed, still unable to look at him, afraid to call out. "Don’t worry, I know."
"What?!" Startled by his words, I finally looked at him. "What do you know." "I know what’s inside here." His other hand slid along the satiny hot pants to caress my crotch. "Don’t worry. Lisa knows about me, so does Joey. They’re righteous people." He lifted his hand from my crotch and placed it on my shoulder. Through the light wool his hand felt sure, strong. "We won’t tell anyone else, this is just between us."
"Thank’s," I creaked. His deep blue eyes looked so heavy and deep, I began to stare into them and found myself shifting my body so that my face was closer to Alan’s. Still looking into his eyes, our lips meet, swiftly, softly. He smiled at me and again brushed his lips tenderly against mine. I could taste the sweat and smoke on his breath. My eyes fluttered close and then I felt his arms moving me closer and his lips fully against mine. His tongue breached my lips and probed the inside of my mouth. My body felt like liquid. I moaned and moved to keep pace with Alan. One hand surrounded his neck and my finger twined in his hair. The other hand cascaded down his back and into the tops of his jeans. I could feel one of his hands softly caressing my rear. Again I moved slightly letting Alan’s hand into the crease the satiny hot pants had created along my rear. I felt a tingle run up my spine as his fingers kneaded my cheeks and playfully poked me. My moans grew and our tongues flashed quicker and harder. Then Alan withdrew his tongue and his hand fell away from my rear to grasp my hand. He stood and I followed as we went into Lisa’s bedroom. Inside we sat on the bed and without a word our lips found one another again. For endless minutes we reignited our passion. My hand now lay in his lap and soon I found myself gently stroking Alan. He slowly filled my hand, becoming stiffer and longer under his jeans. I could feel the heat as I continued to stoke him. He was moaning softly. I had only a vague idea of what I should do next. "Don’t stop," he slurred as our lips danced apart for an instant. "The zipper." I knew what he meant and I hesitated for a moment, but then his hands found my own crotch and rear and he began to caress me. I felt another tingle run through me.
I groped with my hands for the zipper and tugged at it until it was open. My hand now wavering touched him. I could feel him throbbing through his briefs. He moved back, pulling his lips away and gently pushing me down between his legs. Now both my hands were on him. I pushed back his jeans and holding him in one hand lifted up his briefs and rolled them down. This was first time I had ever seen another man, he looked different than I knew I did, longer, and darker. Alan’s hand touched the top of head and directed it towards him. I closed my eyes and delicately placed by lips on him. A little clear white fluid was sitting there. My tongue licked him along the side and around and around. Lips now opened and closed as I bobbed my head over him. For one instant I gagged and almost bit him, but I pulled away and with a breath I was back on him. Licking, and licking until I felt Alan tighten and then suddenly there was a burst of salty, tangy fluid inside my mouth. I tried to swallow it, but again I started to gag and had to pull away.
I looked up at Alan. He was smiling from ear to ear. "You’ve never done this before?" He propped himself on his elbows and reached "You’re incredible." I smiled and felt myself blush with excitement. Alan leaned forward, and kissed me full on the lips. He pulled up his briefs and zipped his pants as we went back into the living room, Alan’s arm wrapped arm my waist. Lisa and Joey were sitting on the couch. "Look’s like a perfect match. You two going steady?"
I smiled at Lisa and looked at Alan, the best was yet to come.
Lisa and Joey were sitting on the couch, when Alan and I entered the living. "Look’s like a perfect match. You two going steady?" I smiled at Lisa and looked up at Alan, he squeezed my waist through white angora sweater as he lowered his head towards mine. My painted lips readily parted for his sweet tongue. He drew me closer and through my black hot pants I could feel him stiffening again. I swayed gently on the three-inch black platform heeled boots as we kissed. Then his tongue was gone and I could hear Lisa saying "Definitely a hot couple." "Hey, man we gotta split." Joey said as she stood and began to make his way to the front door. Alan released me, smiling wickedly. "See you tonight?" he asked. Before I could answer Lisa was standing next to me. "Friday," she replied "we’ve got some things to do. We’ll see you Friday."
The guys nodded and left the apartment. Once the front door was shut Lisa sat me down on the couch. "Well, how was it? You like it don’t you?" My face grew red under the make-up. How could I say no, the way I was dressed and the way Alan had made me feel. "I told you you’d look hot. Shit look at the time my parents will be home in awhile." With that Lisa stood and took me back into her bedroom. "Don’t just stand there, get undressed." I hesitated still ashamed to undressed in front of a girl. Lisa stared at me, "Look we’re best girlfriends now, you don’t have to worry about how you look in front of me, only how you look for the guys." I nodded and was soon standing naked in front of Lisa, only the make-up still on my face. Lisa gave me back my boy’s clothes and I quickly jumped into them. "Let me wipe the make-up off." Lisa sat me down on the bed and began to wipe my face with cold cream. "I’m going to have to show you how to do all of this, it’ll save time." When she was done I went into the bathroom to wash my face. The face in mirror was just plain me again.
"Tomorrow, we’ll have to go shopping. Get you something for Friday. Bring whatever money you’ve got." Lisa was standing at the front door as I started to leave. "Be here about nine. Bye Dawn."
Dawn. With my new name ringing in my head I walked down the stairs and out onto the street. The feeling that everyone on the block knew what I had just done with Alan was overwhelming, I wanted to run home and hide, but I could not hide from me. As I walked home, I realized how exciting I had felt, how good it felt to be wanted, even desired, instead of having to be me. I scuffed my sneakers on the sidewalk, how could keep doing this? If my parents found out I’d be dead and if anyone in the neighborhood knew I’d probably catch a beating. But ...... The inner debate went on all night, my parents were busy watching television and didn’t notice that something was bothering me. In bed I stared at the cracks in the ceiling for almost an hour. The next morning I heard my parents leave for work, and found a note to do some food shopping from my mom. It was only eight, so I did the shopping first and then went to Lisa’s. My legs were shaky as I climbed the stairs, from fear or excitement I wasn’t quite sure. When she answered the doorbell, Lisa was smiling. I saw that she was dressed in jeans and blouse with her platform sandals.
"Hi, Dawn." She kissed me on the cheek as I entered the apartment. "I thought we’d go to the Village today." She led me into her bedroom. "But first you need to get changed." I saw that Lisa had laid out a set of deep blue panties and bra, black pantyhose, a white cotton T-shirt and jeans on the bed and next to them were the black platform boots. "I know," Lisa said as I turned, "I’m leaving."
The door closed and I approached the bed. I took off my clothes and fingered the panties. The sleek material was cool as I stepped into it one leg at a time and pulled them over my legs and above my narrow hips. I tucked myself away and sat on the bed to put on the pantyhose and then the bra. That was problem at first, since I couldn’t seem to make the hooks in the back meet, so I slipped out of the straps, turned the bra around so that I could see the hooks. Once they were together I turned the bra back and shouldered my way into the straps. I stuffed in the extra pantyhose that Lisa had left and tugged on the T-shirt which was tight and hugged my newly formed breasts. Then I began to pull on the jeans. The denim slid easily over the slinky hose until it reached my upper thigh. I struggled to work the jeans higher, but it was no use, so I called for Lisa. "They don’t fit." I almost whined as she came in. "They’re too tight." "They’re just right." She said, "Hold on," as she wangled the jeans over my thighs and around my rear. She turned me around and grasped the both sides of the zipper. "Now, take a deep breath." I inhaled and felt my abdomen squeezed. I heard the zipper going up and then I exhaled. The jeans were stretched tight over my rear and groin, hiding any lingering sign of who I was. "Now fold up the legs." I sat down, the denim almost cutting into the crease of my rear, and followed Lisa’s instructions. I knew that was the style of wearing jeans and boots and hoped it looked good on me as I pushed my feet into the black leather boots. As I did the zipper of first one and then the other boots and they encased my calves I could feel the signs of desire inside my jeans. "Make-up time." Lisa sat across from me and told me what she was doing and why, my first make-up lesson. When she was done, she brushed out my hair, changing the middle part I usually wore to a left part. She twirled the ends of my hair and coated them with hair spray. "Here," she handed my a pair of earrings. "I found these old ones last night, I had them from before I had my ears pierced." I looked in my hand, two gold-plated knobs where attached to a screw device. "Let me show you." Lisa took one and showed me how to put it on. I managed to get the second one on and Lisa smiled. "You’re almost too hot. I might have created a Frankenstein monster." She laughed and I joined her. "Ready to go." She asked as she handed my a large black leather bag. Then I remembered what I was about to do ... and I could not do it. The fear of being seen, of having someone recognize me was more than I could handle. As sexy and good as I felt dressed as girl, I was afraid of someone pointing to me and yelling out that I was a guy. Lisa sensed my panic and sat me down on her bed. "Time out." She fished out a joint and lit its tip. The first puff made me sigh and begin to relax my muscles. By the third joint I was ready. Together we left the apartment and went out onto the street. My steps were short, softened and matched Lisa’s. No one in the neighborhood had recognized me, I felt free, as we laughed all the way to the subway and into the City.
We spent the late-morning in the Village shopping, for me. No one was concerned as I tried on various dresses and skirts. I lost count of how many, all that I remember was the elation of doing what I had dreamed of doing. Lisa decided that I needed a dress for Friday and we settled on a purple and black print sweater dress that only reached mid-thigh. As I looked in the mirror I noticed the faint lines the hair on my legs caused under the pantyhose. I ran back into the dressing room and fought my way back into my jeans. We paid for the dress and rode back home. I was thrilled, but as we drew closer to home, I was again filled with the fear that someone was going to know who I was under these girl’s clothes. All the way to Lisa’s apartment I was shaking, but we didn’t see anyone we knew. I changed back and left, telling Lisa I’d see her the next day, Thursday. I spent a confused night. reliving my adventure, the feelings of delight an dread vying within me.
The next day, after doing my chores I went to Lisa’s. I told her about how I felt. "I don’t know it feels right and wrong at the same time." I was groping for words to the her of how confused I felt.
"It’s up to you, Dawn. What makes you feel good? What do you like to do?" She held my hands. "All I can say is that you’re really pretty as a girl. I wish my hips were as narrow as your’s are, you’re like a model, you could wear anything." She squeezed my hands.
"I just don’t know." I looked at her and could feel tears beginning to grow, unbidden.
"Look, maybe if you got dressed you’d feel different about all this." She let go of my hands and went into her closet, pulling out a dress wrapped in a dry-cleaner’s bag. "This will make you feel different." She stripped away the bag to show me a pale pink evening dress. Unconsciously my hand felt the satin material. The skirt flared out from a gathered waist where a sash-like belt had been sewn. The dress had only thin spaghetti straps attached to low cut bodice. There was a fragrance about the dress, sweet and soft. Lisa draped the dress over her bed and my eyes followed. "Okay, first things first. You’ve gotta shave."
I looked up quickly. "Your legs and underarm. Otherwise this won’t look right." My eyes looked at the dress again and I agreed, remembering how I’d looked yesterday. Lisa placed me in the bathroom and left me to strip my legs. Her razor easily cut the fine black hairs, though it was difficult to shave around my knees. Then I clipped under my arms and finally shaved what was left. Lisa had told me to get into the shower when I was finished, and I was soon washing away the sting. My skin felt strangely smooth and the soap seemed to slide of me. I had not heard Lisa enter the bathroom, but when I stepped out of the shower, there was a pair of pink panties and white sheer pantyhose. I put on the underwear, with now practiced moves and went into Lisa’s bedroom. She did not say anything as she held out the unzippered dress. I held up the hem and watched the satin fall over me as I shrugged into the dress. The gathered waist caught at mine as the skirt flared out. My arms slipped through the thin straps while Lisa reached around and pulled up the zipper. The bodice was very tight and pushed what little flesh I had on my chest into a soft small vee, I had cleavage. My hands played over the material while Lisa waited. I looked at her after a few moments. She was holding a pair of pink stiletto heels with the narrowest toe I had ever seen. I sat on the bed the dress streaming out and managed to get into the shoes. The cruel delight was exquisite as I daintily walked around the room. This was different from walking in platform and would be another skill I’d need.
"Well," Lisa finally said, "Still confused."
Dressed this way, I felt at peace, as if I had found some place where I finally belonged. A place where I could be me. "No, now I can’t wait for tomorrow night."
Friday crawled by, Lisa had told me she was going to be out most of the day. She had given me a pair of jet black rayon panties with a little rose on the waistband, black pantyhose, and a black rayon bra. She told me to have these on when I met her. I was waiting for her on the corner, and was starting to feel that everyone knew what I had on under my clothes. It was already 7:30 and Lisa was late. In a few minutes I was going to go home, but as I was making up my mind, a beige Impala pulled up to the corner, and honked its horn. Lisa’s head popped out of the rear passenger’s window, "Get in." I rushed over to the car, finally seeing that Joey was driving. Lisa opened the door and I slipped in, hitting my hip on a large bag. "Joey’s going to drive us someplace you can change. Don’t worry, nobody’ll be around." I nodded, and tried to relax as the car wound into a now closed factory area. Joey, parked next to a loading dock and left us. Lisa told me to get out of my clothes, as she pulled thing out of the large bag. Ten minutes later I had stuffed my bra, and put on the new sweater dress, and those black leather platform boots. Lisa did my face and hair, I put on my earrings, and then Lisa had my get her my hands. She began to file them and then to put polish on them. "I’ll take it off tonight, don’t worry." When she was done, she reached over and honked the horn. A few minutes later Joey came back and we were on our way to pick up Alan. He was standing on the corner, frayed jeans, scruffy sneakers, and a tie-died T-shirt under his faded denim jacket. Lisa hopped out of the back seat and into the front when Joey stopped the car. Alan slid in, a smile on his face. "Long time." He slid closer and kissed me. I almost fainted. There was no confusion now, I wanted Alan to like me. I moved closer and wound my hands across his back. Our tongues dueled. His hand drifted slowly down into my crotch and squeezed me. I moaned and moved closer so that his hand felt more of me. Then his lips were on my neck, nipping and sucking. I threw my head back and he licked the spot just below my Adam’s apple. One of my hands moved to grasp him. Already I could feel how hard he was, how much he wanted me. I rubbed him, through the denim, and then I pulled away from him and ducked my head into his crotch. I tore open his zipper and out he sprang. He wasn’t wearing any underwear! My red coated lips tenderly kissed the throbbing head and soon I had engulfed him in my mouth. My cheeks puckered as I worked and very soon he was steaming into my mouth. The bitter, salty taste was new and I wasn’t sure I liked it.
"Hey, save some for later." Lisa twisted in the front seat to look at me. She was beaming from ear to ear, as little drips of cum oozed down to my chin. "Slut." We all laughed at that and the joints came out. We smoked and smoked and smoked until I still don’t remember anything from the movie. We smoked again once we’d parked near the local make-out spot. Joey and Lisa got out for a walk, leaving me and Alan alone.
Again our tongues fenced and our hands groped and caressed and teased. I was moaning softly as Alan was licking and sucking my neck. "I want you." He murmured into my skin. His hands were on my hips, lifting up the dress. "I want you." Now he was pulling down the pantyhose and my panties. The vinyl was sticky on my bare skin. "I have to have you." I heard him pull down his zipper. A finger found the entrance to my rear. I yelped. Alan let his finger linger, slowly drawing tighter and tighter circles. His finger then began to slid little deeper and deeper into me. I arched my body trying to escape, the feeling was strange, unnatural. Alan was holding me tight as he probed with two fingers now. "I want you." He said again and with that he pulled his fingers away and quickly turned me over, my rear was exposed to him. His hands were on my shoulders, holding me down. I tried to shake free when I felt something hard between the cheeks of my rear. I began to whimper.
Something, and I knew what it was, began to work its way into my rear. The pain was hot and I felt myself clinching, hoping to prevent his attack. Alan persisted, slow, small, thrusts that sent pain up my spine never ended. I thought that I was going to be split wide open, that I was going to bleed to death. My tears made my make-up run as Alan never stopped. Instead he started to thrust harder and harder, going deeper and deeper into me. As the minutes went by the pain subsided and I began to feel my rear moving in tandem with Alan. This is what girls do, they give themselves up so that boys will like them. I put the pain away and danced with Alan’s thrusts, starting to feel myself grow harder. Then Alan gave me one last intense stroke and groaned. He unplugged himself and sat back. I peeked at him under my arm, his eyes were closed and there was big smile on his face. I was smiling myself as I rearranged my panties and pantyhose, trying in vain to smooth the dress into place. Just then Joey and Lisa came back. As Lisa shut the car door, she looked at me, "You can’t wear white anymore."
A Dawn That Never Rose: Part 3
After my first time with Alan, Lisa and I became even closer friends. We spent long summer mornings in Lisa’s apartment. She showed me how to apply eyeshadow, how the put on mascara and blush, how to tweeze my eyebrows and use and eyebrow pencil. The hardest things to learn were how to use eyeliner (I just could not trace my eyes without a blotch), and how much lipstick to wear. At first Lisa would laugh at my solo attempts, but as the days passed I became more and more proficient.
When I was in Lisa’s apartment I was always dressed in panties, pantyhose, bra, skirt and blouse. This always took time and finally Lisa suggested that I take some of her things home with me and have them on when I came over. I was afraid to, what if my parents found out? "You have your own room, right. No one will find out." She stared at me, "Beside, it’ll make you feel more like a girl. You could even sleep in them." The idea of sleeping while dressed in lingerie was arousing. I agreed and when I left that day Lisa told me to keep on the silvery panties, black bra and coffee pantyhose.
That night I was still wearing Lisa’s things when I went to hang-out. I thought that everyone could hear the sound of the nylons rasping against my jeans, but no one looked at me. No one ever looked at me, except when I was Dawn. Then Alan had seen me, had wanted me, still wanted me, though we kept our relationship a secret. Lisa was already on The Corner when I arrived, talking to Marie and Jeannie. The four of us talked and I felt at last as if I belonged. Later, in bed that night the sheets playing over the pantyhose and bra made it difficult for me to fall asleep.
The next morning I went over to Lisa’s. We going shopping, into the Village, for records and rolling papers. Lisa and I had a date with Joey and Alan later that night. I was daydreaming about Alan and did not hear one of the doors on the first floor clicked open as I went up the stairs. She had laid out a cute outfit for me to wear that day. White opaque stockings, a black nylon panty with transparent hearts cut into the front and back panels, and a padded white Cross Your Heart bra. I changed into the fresh lingerie and noticed that the hair on my legs was beginning to get darker, though the opaque stockings hid that fact. "You’ll love this," Lisa said as she took out a flared pleated navy blue skirt from a shopping bag. "It’ll show off those legs of your’s. You know how guys love long legs."
"There’s only guy I want to love my legs." I answered, thinking of Alan. "You shouldn’t have bought this, though." Stepping into the skirt, and sliding it up my legs, I heard Lisa laughing. I looked at her as I pulled up the zipper and buttoned the little tab in the back. The hem only reached the tops of my knees! "I didn’t buy that, it’s a hand-me-down from my cousin." "But it’s so short." I was bent forward staring at my legs, feeling the rear of the skirt rising.
"After those hot pants, these are nothing."
"The blouse and shoes. Hurry up, we haven’t got all day." Lisa pointed to a white cotton top and a pair of black patent leather shoes before going into the living room.
The white blouse had full sleeves and a slight ruffle at the cuff and neck. I buttoned up and had to undo the skirt to tuck in the blouse’s tails. Then I sat in the bed and took up the shoes, they were Mary Janes. Recalling seeing the other girls wearing these to grammar school, and dance classes made me chuckle. Now as I buckled up the straps I joined the crowd.
I sat in front of Lisa’s mirror and put on my make-up, not much since we were going out during the day, just some eyeshadow, mascara, and lipstick. After brushing out my hair and then pulling it into a loose ponytail I put on a silver cuff bracelet, a black choker and a pair of silver rings to complete the look, which Lisa approved before we left. In the lobby I heard another door open as we pulled on the main door.
As we walked to the subway, I felt exhilarated, free. The ride was quick since we passed time making comments about the guys we saw along the way. In the Village we found the newest Ten Years After album. "Don’t you just love the way Alvin Lee looks?" Lisa asked. Imaging his body holding mine I smiled and Lisa jabbed me with her elbow. "Some much for Alan." Laughing like two girlfriends we went into a headshop and bought a couple packages of Big Bambu. The sidewalks were filled with people and now I could feel them notice me, felt eyes examining my legs and the way the pleated skirt swirl around them, felt men appraising the way my hips swayed, felt that I was wanted.
By two o’clock we were back in front of Lisa’s apartment house. The copy of the Village Voice we had mentioned that Deep Purple was going to be at the Felt Forum and we were making plans for getting tickets and going to the concert. Deep in conversation we did not see the blinds to a first floor apartment snick shut as we neared the front door. Footsteps echoed on the tiled stairs as we climbed up and around, up and around only to be stopped by the sight of Hector, the building’s super standing in front of Lisa’s door. Hector was a short fat man, with a greasy black curly hair and a scruffy mustache. His belly hung over his blue chinos, hardly hidden by his white T-shirt. Yellowish teeth smiled when he saw us, "Hello, girls." He lingered over the last word, staring at me, staring at my legs. Under his thick black eyebrows his dark eyes glinted.
"What do you want Hector?" Lisa had the key in her hand, ready to go around Hector.
"Just to meet your new girlfriend here." He leaned a flabby arm on the door jamb. "I think we could be friends too."
I was scared. Hector knew who I was, what I was and from the way he was looking at me I knew what he wanted from me. My heart was racing and I wanted to run, and not stop running.
"She’s not your type Hector." Lisa took a small step forward, but Hector did not move.
"He’ll do for what I want." I gasped and thought for an instant that I was going to faint. Hector began to laugh and I heard Lisa mutter. "Okay, c’mon in and we’ll talk about this." I was stunned, what was Lisa thinking about, what was she doing to me. My eyes filled with fear as I watched Hector step aside and Lisa unlocked the door. She pulled me by the hand and I sidled into the apartment passed the leering Hector. The door clicked shut. Inside the apartment was hot, steamy from the summer sunlight. Lisa sat me on the sofa and turned to Hector. "Now what exactly do you want from Dawn?" Lisa’s voice was tight.
"Dawn. Nice name, cute, just like you." He tried to step around Lisa who moved to block his way. "Alright," Hector threw up his hands. "Alright. I want Dawn here to give a blowjob anytime I ask or I tell the whole neighborhood about ‘her’, starting with ‘her’ parents." He jammed his hands in the front of his chinos. "Oh, I’ve got pictures of you two. ‘specially of Dawn here. I seen her coming’ and going’ this summer." His smile was that of an uncontested winner. Lisa turned to face me. "It’s up to you."
The thought of having to be at Hector’s oily beck-and-call was disgusting, but it faded in comparison to having him tell everyone about me. I swallowed, trying to pull myself together. There was no way that I could let him blab all over the neighborhood. He had me, and would have me whenever he wanted. Fear gave way to resignation. I nodded, yes. My throat was too dry to work. "Then let’s get it on." Hector turned, headed for the front door. "No," I finally croaked. "If Lisa says it’s okay, we’ll do it here, and only here." Lisa said yes, and I went into her bedroom. Hector followed, his beefy hand pawing my rear as we went inside. "Muy bonita," he leered, as one finger pried into the crease of my behind. I slapped at his hand. "That’s not part of the deal."
Hector laughed, "You’ve got balls. Okay." He undid his pants where he stood, the chinos puddling around his ankles. The cotton BVD briefs were a dingy white against his olive skin. "Do it."
I shuddered as I knelt down. My slim fingers found the tops of the briefs and pulled them down over scraggly hair. He leaped out at me. For a moment I just stared at him, this was only the second man I had ever seen. He was different than Alan. Hector had a thick crown that my lips found slick from his anticipation. There was a heavy musky odor about him, unlike Alan’s clear scent. He was thicker than Alan, but not as long. Once my lips and tongue had brought him to full attention I was able to quickly finish my task. He moaned towards the end, and when he reached fulfillment he held my head close so that I was forced to gulped down every drop.
"Not bad," Hector grinned as he dressed. "With a little practice you’ll be great." He went back into the living room. leaving me alone. I began to cry then, thin shoulders shivering, tears streaking my mascara. "I feel so dirty."
Lisa was there, holding me. "I’m sorry," she said softly. "I didn’t think about him." She ran a hand over my head, staining her top with my make-up. "He once tried to get me, you know." She lifted my face so that I could see her. "He only goes after pretty girls."
"But he knows," I could feel more tears ready to fall.
"He wouldn’t say anything. And I’ve got a plan for how we can get rid of him. Trust me Dawn." She held my shoulders steady. "Let’s get changed and I’ll tell you."
When I left Lisa’s I quivered as I went through the main lobby. I thought that Hector would be waiting downstairs, but there was no one around, even the blinds in his apartment did not move. I hoped that Lisa’s plan would work, it was all I could think about throughout the afternoon. My parents did not notice my distraction at dinner, they hardly ever noticed me anymore. I think I reminded them that they were growing old. They only asked where I was going after we ate, and just said "Out," as I shut the door.
I waited for Lisa on our special corner. Joey’s car pulled up as I tried not to think about Hector. I slipped into the back. "Hey Dawn." Joey waved a hand as he drove off. "Hi, Joey." Without another word, we rode to the elevated subway and Joey parked. He and Lisa got out. As I unpacked the bag Lisa had brought along, I saw them passing a joint between them. I still had on the white opaque stockings, black panties and padded bra. From the bag I took out a pair of jeans, a pale blue T- shirt, and my favorite knee-high black leather platform boots. The Tee slipped on easily, it was a tight fit, showing my padded breasts. Putting the jeans on was more complicated in the back seat of the car, but after a few minutes of struggling they were molded to my legs and rear. The pant legs folded up to my knees, I pulled on the boots. Zippering them, the tight feel of the leather on my calves cleared the last traces of Hector from my mind. Make-up, hair brushed over and into a soft curl that just touched my shoulders, jewelry and spritz of perfume I was ready.
Stepping out of the car, I swayed over to Joey and Lisa. My hand joined the small circle and soon we were all smoking harsh Panamanian Red. I saw Joey’s head bob to one side and saw Alan walking down the block. I got up, the blood draining to my feet. Staggering for an instant I approached Alan. He smiled, eyes lingering on my hips and the platforms made my steps more seductive. My hands were on his shoulders and I pulled him beside one of the trestles. Our lips merged, my lipstick smeared with resin and new-born desire. Tongues playfully introduced themselves. My hips grunted against Alan’s. I felt his hands on my rear, so soft, tender, so unlike Hector’s pawing. Alan traced the outline of my jean’s pockets and then his palms cupped the swell of my cheeks. A finger dawdled on the center seam of the jeans, lingered with longing, drawing minute circles. My hips responded, rotating and driving him against the trestle. Then his tongue was in my right ear and a finger probed me. "Later," he whispered. Then he gently pushed me away. He winked, "We’d get into trouble if we did anything else in public." With I sigh I stepped back, still holding his hand. Alan was right and I knew it. Now was the hard part, the part I dreaded, telling him about Hector. Lisa was sure that Alan would help us, but I was afraid.
"Want a toke?" Lisa asked as we drew near. Alan grinned and took the offered
joint. Half an hour and six joints later Lisa told Joey and Alan about Hector. I felt
Alan’s tension as Lisa narrated the story. Then she laid out her plan and when she
was finished Joey and Alan were grinning, willing accomplices. Alan wrapped an arm around
my shoulder and kissed me hard. "Don’t worry Dawn, we’ll get him. Just you
wait and see."
© 1997
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