Standard warning and disclaimer: All characters are fictional. If you see yourself, buy a new mirror. Contains subjects some people may find offensive. If you are one of them, why are you reading this? Protect your kids. If you are worried about them reading this sort of material, please censor free speech and use a safe surfing program such as net nanny. Or better yet, teach them early and lovingly to understand and accept different lifestyles. Before they learn from bad experiences.

All constructive comments are welcome. Please e-mail to me: Sam@pobox.alasaka.net or samanthas_michelle@yahoo.com

Finally, this is a piece of adult fiction. If you are underage, or if you find it offensive, please go elsewhere. Quickly.

 

College Bound          by: Samantha Michelle                 © 2001

 

In early August, the economy collapsed where we had lived all our lives, thanks to President Clinton. It was, to most, just another round of military base closings. But in our little part of the world, it was a death knell. So Mom and Dad added two and two, got a negative one, and took a government buyout on our home.

Three weeks from the day we knew they were shutting down the base, we had said hurried good-byes to all our childhood acquaintances, and were on the road, looking for a place to replant ourselves. Everything, and I mean just that, was in storage. We carried only the essentials, like our cats and their litter box, in the motor home. Priority one was finding Mom a new job. Which was not easy for a middle-aged woman with a family.

Dad could not survive in an urban area. Mom did not want to live out in the sticks. My sister Stacey and I just wanted to get on with our lives. Six weeks later, it was with great trepidation that we greeted the announcement that both Mom and Dad had gotten really good job offers way out in New England. After five days travel, we arrived at a small town near the Vermont-New York border. The mountains were beautiful, and the area seemed nice, but really conservative: Laura Ashley girls, and guys in cardigan sweaters. We found a nearby motor home park, and were told to visit the local high school while the parents went for interviews.

Stacey, the organized one, grabbed copies of our transcripts and school testing, and I grabbed our backpacks. A quick check of the net (via land line at the RV park) said great weather. So I put on my best knee-length cutoffs, tennis shoes, and Roadkill Café T-shirt. Stacey opted for her hand-decorated Carhart coveralls, a tank-top, and combat boots. Exactly what we would wear on a normal school day.

The six-mile walk was refreshing, and people were actually pretty friendly. We were both surprised when a village cop pulled up to us, and asked nicely why we were not in school. Stacey pulled out her ID and driver's license, and explained that our parents were in town for a job interview, and we were hiking to the high school to see what it looked like. He offered us a ride, but we said after a couple of weeks on the road, the walk was fine. As he drove off, I heard him call in that the two girls were visiting town.

Stacey and I looked at each other. She giggled, and I frowned. Why was it that just because I was skinny and had long hair everyone thought I was a girl? But the weather was too good to spend the day annoyed, so we headed for the school using a map I had printed out. When we found it, we stopped and stared.

Stacey's "God, it's awesome!" was an understatement. It was three stories of ivy-covered brick and granite, and looked like some sort of big-time university. I gawked, and got worried.

"I hope they don't mind a couple of country bumpkins like us tarnishing their hallowed halls."

"Country bumpkins in the top tenth of a percent, you mean." She giggled. "And besides, I think my bumpkins are pretty good." She posed, and I would have hit her if she had not turned and trotted for the entrance. Once inside, there was no mistaking where the principal's office was. Even if they called it something different. The bronze plaque said "Headmaster's Offices." Quaint, I thought.

Stacey introduced us to the secretary/receptionist, who looked at us like we needed baths. Or flea powder. She made a couple of calls, and we were invited to wait a few minutes. She said the assistant headmaster would be happy to meet us, and give us a tour. I almost turned and ran when a dour-looking woman with a military air introduced herself as Headmistress Rothveldt, and invited us to her office.

It was like entering a time-warp. All real wood, straight, high-backed chairs, and oil paintings adorning the walls. Her voice was much more pleasant than her appearance. "Celia tells me that you two have accompanied your parents on a job-hunting expedition, and want to know about our school." We both nodded. "Well, Hanover Academy, although a small public school, has been a leading college preparatory school for nearly one-hundred years. We take great pride in the caliber of our programs and students. So we strive to give our students the best possible background for entering top business and financial curricula at ivy league institutions."

She frowned. "Coming into a new school in the middle of the semester is difficult for many students. Because of our exceptionally high standards, most transfer students find themselves woefully unprepared. Almost all must repeat one or two complete grades before they are ready to progress and matriculate." I snickered, and she gave me a withering look.

"Young lady, proper respect for one's superiors is highly emphasized here. I hope your previous academic achievements are significantly more suitable than your bearing and attitude."

Now I was upset. "Pardon my faux-pas, madam, but first I am a young man, not a young woman. And second, it is my hope that your academic standards are, as you put it, significantly more suitable than your hospitality." I could, when I wanted to, speak relatively formal English. And she was stepping on my toes.

She stared at my hair, and at my sister. "She, well, he, is a boy under that unmanaged mop?" Stacey almost fell off her chair laughing.

"That is the best description of his hair I've heard in ages. And yes, I'm afraid I must acknowledge this pest is my younger brother." She looked at the woman. "But in all fairness to him, we are unused to your formalities. And his concern for your academic standards is justified." Stacey opened her folder, and handed the woman copies of both our transcripts, and our test scores.

The shocked look on her face was a missed Kodak moment. She read everything twice. "These cannot be real. This says you are a Junior and have completed over fifty semester hours of university courses with honors?" Stacey smiled. "And this ragamuffin is starting as a high school freshman, but has completed calculus one, and two university science classes with straight A's?"

"Hey, like if I didn't have to drop all my plans and move, I would be in calculus two. If I have to spend much more time on the road, I'll have the darn text finished out of boredom by October."

She looked at us, and I swear I could see the aura of a migraine forming around her head. A dirge beeping from Stacey's pocket signaled a cellphone call. That really upset the woman. Stacey answered, and mumbled several "Yes, Mom's" before ending the conversation. She looked at me, and the woman, and shrugged. "Well, I guess we better start the paperwork to attend." I stared at her "Mom and Dad both took the positions offered, and said we would be able to start school once we find a place to live." I gave her a high-five and a hug. I wanted to have friends again. Inside I cringed, because I'd had so few before. The woman, shaking her head, excused herself. I could hear raised voices from out front.

When she came back, she asked us to accompany her to meet the headmaster. So we dutifully got up, and I wondered if Mom and Dad should have asked us before accepting their new jobs. The headmaster looked like a retired politician. But there was no mistaking his sharp, careful appraisal of each of us as we entered. He was introduced as Doctor Hamilton. The woman handed him our transcripts, and excused herself. Once she was gone, he smiled.

"I see you have both impressed and appalled Mrs. Rothveldt. She seems to disbelieve these transcripts. You are certain they are accurate?" We nodded. He looked them over. Pulling our a pad of paper, he scribbled on two separate sheets, and handed one to each of us. "Here is a quick test. If you know the material, it should take you no time at all. If you don't, it will be obvious."

We handed them back to him in about five minutes. I had to really think about one question, and was glad I was working on the calculus two book. Stacey seemed unfazed. He looked each one over, and smiled.

"You've proved your point. You are both academically superior students, with exceptional potential. You will find the classes here to be well within your abilities." He looked at us again. "Now, for what is probably more important to you, what do you want from our institution?"

That was totally unexpected. Stacey was far faster than me at replying. "I am a performing arts and history major. I play several instruments, act, and am planning to become a teacher. I'm also interested in almost everything, and want to take another foreign language, and spend my first real college year studying history and music in the British Isles."

He chuckled. "We place a high value on the arts. And offer several languages." Then he really grinned. "I completed my second masters degree, in Mediaeval Literature, at Cambridge. If you do well here, I can almost guarantee you admission to any of the better universities in England or Scotland." Stacey was all smiles.

He looked at me. "And what about you, young er, man. What are your goals?

"I want to make friends, have fun, and study math and science and engineering. And to swim and run track." I looked at him. "And I want people to quit telling me who or what I am supposed to be, or what I should look like. I am fine with who I am, and with my long hair. For some reason most adults find a fourteen-year-old who is sufficiently self-actualized to make that statement intimidating. I just want to enjoy being me." His expression was inscrutable. But I could hear the gears spinning. He was no dummy.

"You may find that there is a dichotomy between being yourself and making friends, especially among the students here. There is little question that you and your sister are going to run afoul of the Academy's dress code. How well you fit in with the other students will be a test of your ability to adapt to a far different environment than you have previously experienced. I see no reason to mislead you. The atmosphere here is highly competitive in all venues. Academics is but one area where you will have to swim among the sharks."

I stared at him and I wondered what new quirk fate had tossed into my already rocky path through life. We heard a bell ring, a real bell, and he looked at a clock. "Since you are guests at this point, I will invite you to partake of lunch, on the school." Stacey, starving as usual, agreed for both of us.

We got a lot of strange looks from the students. Who looked strange to us. All the girls wore skirts or dresses. The guys wore slacks and dress or polo shirts. The longest hair I saw on any guy barely touched his collar. And he looked like a musician. The lunchroom looked more like a dining room. The atmosphere was subdued; none of the ruckus we were used to hearing. And the food was real. Dr. Hamilton was watching us. "Quite different from the other schools you have attended?" Stacey nodded. I was just staring.

"I've been to weddings that were less formal." She shook her head. "I might have one outfit that would fit in." She looked at me. "Sam doesn't even own a pair of slacks." Suddenly she giggled. "Do the parents look even more formal?" He nodded.

"Wait till you meet my Dad. His idea of formal is to put on a pair of Levi's without holes." Dr. Hamilton cringed.

"So what do your Mother and Father do?"

"Mom is an office manager and executive secretary. Dad is retired from the military, and when he can, he teaches at a university or does engineering and consulting. Or gives the local government hemorrhoids." Stacey giggled. "Our last school district had a policy that when he arrived for a conference, they were to call in reinforcements." Dr. Hamilton looked a bit green.

We heard another bell. "That is the cleanup warning. Please place your trays on the conveyor next to the serving area, and meet me back at my office." We nodded, and waited until the rush was over before moving.

"Stacey, I don't think I like this place. Everyone is so formal and stiff." I gave her a hug, and she held me for a minute.

"Sam, I don't think we've got any choice. Mom seemed really happy when she called, and you know we have to settle down soon. And we both know this is a better school than our last one." I nodded. Schools attached to military bases were not bad. But they were not great, either. "With the move, Mom and Dad won't be able to afford a private school, and I have an awful feeling that any private school around here is even worse than this."

I wanted to be back in the midwest. But wanting was not getting me anywhere. So I held Stacey's hand as we made our way back to Dr. Hamilton's office. He and the first lady we met, Ms. Roth-something, were waiting for us. "Mrs. Rothveldt is in charge of registration. Because school is already in session, I recommend that you attend as many classes as possible while you and your family are getting settled into the area. You can go to classes on an audit basis until you are able to attend full-time.

Here are the school information packets, and other information about the district and our programs." He handed Stacey two large folders. "Unless you have any questions for me, I will turn you over to Mrs. Rothveldt for the rest of your orientation. Welcome to our school." We shook his hand, and he ushered us out of his office. We followed Mrs. Rothveldt to a conference room, where someone had spread forms and other papers in two rows.

"Can I please have your transcripts and test scores?" Stacey handed her the copies, and she matched them to individual elements of each row. "Do you have current school physicals, and hopefully copies of your immunization records?" Stacey dug further in her pack. Like I said, she is the organized one. Mrs. Rothveldt looked extremely pleased. "Excellent, you have almost everything needed." She motioned for us both to sit, and she handed each of us a listing of classes.

"Normally class selection here is made by the parents. It is obvious from your transcripts that your parents let you make your own choices. Since you are unfamiliar with what we cover in each class, please select the classes you wish to take, and I can describe what is covered. Some classes are full, and of course the classes must not conflict."

We stared at the lists. "Do you have some scratch paper?" She handed us several sheets each, and pencils. Stacey finished first.

"Is there a local college or university where I can take some advanced classes?" Stacey was looking at Mrs. Rothveldt, who nodded. "The nearest school is twelve miles away, but is primarily a religious seminary." Stacey and I both cringed. "Stacey, I am aware of your advanced work in mathematics and several other areas. I would recommend that here you concentrate on the social and political sciences, language, music and the arts, and classes in personal grooming and deportment. They will help balance your skills, and provide you an excellent background for the international studies Dr. Hamilton says are your goal." Stacey nodded, and went back to the list.

I handed Mrs. Rothveldt my list. I had checked the times, and it looked it would work. She scanned it, and crossed off two courses. "Chemistry two is filled. And you must be sixteen to take fencing." She checked the other entries. "How is your formal writing ability?" I looked at the floor, and Stacey snickered.

"He can't tell a participle from a parsnip." I glared at Stacey.

"Then Samuel, I recommend that you begin with an introductory grammar and exposition course. Our school places a very high emphasis on effective writing skills." I groaned. I hated English. She looked at me. "You will find the advanced physics course a bit simplistic because of your mathematical skills, but enjoyable. The American History course is required by the State, but ours is much more in depth than most, and many students test out of equivalent college courses as soon as they complete our offering.

We require that each student complete at least two years of a foreign language. However, starting in the middle of a semester is not recommended. So I will not approve your selection of Russian at this time." I nodded. I had expected that to bounce. "Let me go through and show you what I recommend."

She handed me her recommendations, and checked and approved Stacey's courses. Her ideas were actually pretty good, especially with her notes about what would follow for next year. I wanted to argue the "personal grooming and deportment" entry, but it was obvious that I would have to take those classes, and soon. "What is this physical education class about?"

"All students must take physical education unless excused for medical reasons. Individual sports such as weight lifting are available as electives, but don't count. Because of your other classes, the only boy's class available is a series of competitive sports. Football in the fall, basketball over the winter, and baseball in the spring."

"I hate football, basketball, and baseball." I looked at the class list. "What about this one?"

She actually giggled. "Aerobics? Only girls take advanced aerobics."

"A lot of guys who swim and run track do aerobics in the off-season to stay limber and in shape." Stacey nodded. "So that is the class I want."

"There is a specific exercise uniform requirement..."

"I suspect there is a specific clothing requirement for breathing." Mrs. Rothveldt gave me a withering look.

We agreed to disagree, and she was chuckling as I was signed up for aerobics. She collected some papers from each row, and placed them in an envelope. "These are for your parents. Please have them complete the marked areas, and bring them in when they are ready to formally register both of you." She smiled at us. At least it looked like a smile. "I suspect it will be an interesting year."

We headed for the hall, clutching our information packets. Stacey looked stressed. "Well, Sis, what do you think?"

"I want to go back home." I gave her a hug.

"Me too." We left and started our hike back to the motorhome.

When we got back Mom and Dad were waiting. They took one look at our faces, and their smiles disappeared. "Okay, what's wrong?"

"We want to go home." Mom and Dad looked pained. "Everyone here is stuffy and formal and no fun.

"Your mother and I have both signed three-year contracts, in positions we really like." Dad paused. "So it looks like you two will have to do your best to adapt to the local school. Your mother and I are looking forward to settling here."

"Stacey, Sam, please, we know that moving to a new area is hard, and we didn't want to move, but we really had no choice." Mom gave each of us a hug. "We'll work with the school to try and make the transition easier." Mom cooked up dinner, and after showering, Stacey and I curled up together and fell asleep. For once I was glad of the cramped quarters in the motorhome; I needed the snuggle.

By the weekend we had looked at several dozen houses, and surprisingly found THE house. It needed some repairs, the type mom and dad liked to do, and was much bigger than our old place. Because the house was empty, and we were going to pay much of the cost in cash, dad was able to get a really good deal, and an agreement for immediate occupancy. So on Monday we started to move in, and wired up a connection for the motorhome. Tuesday Stacey and I sat down with Mom and Dad, and went over the paperwork from the school.

We were sick. Boys were expected to wear slacks, dress or sports-shirts or polo shirts, and dress shoes unless the weather required additional protection, when galoshes and rain coats or winter coats were recommended. Girls were to wear conservative skirts, below the knee, and blouses, or an equivalent dress. Low-heel pumps were the approved shoes, although conservative heels were acceptable.

Then there were the grooming requirements. No gaudy jewelry, no unnatural hair coloring, no outlandish hair styles such as cornrows, mohicans, or spiked hair. When we reached the part about length, I screamed "No Way!" Boy's hair was to be maintained no longer than collar length, and for boys, ponytails, braids, and ducktails were forbidden. So were earrings other than small plain studs.

"Sam, when we grew up most schools had regulations like these." Dad was trying to calm me down, and I was not cooperating.

"I will not cut my hair for any stupid fascist school." I was hopping mad. "I will tear their damn school down brick by brick, and break each brick into little pieces. I'll..."

"You will watch your language, young man, or have soap for lunch." Mom looked at me. "Don and I will talk to the school." Dad nodded. "So what else do we need to know about your new school?" We went over the remaining paperwork. Suddenly Stacey started to giggle.

"Um, Sam, I think that your hair is going to be the least of your problems." She handed me a sheet marked "Aerobics Class Uniform-Advanced". When I saw what was making her giggle, I turned green. "Opaque tights, and a conservative, long-sleeved leotard will be worn by all students, as will supportive undergarments to maintain a modest appearance. Leather dance slippers, not ballet slippers, are required. Leg warmers, sweat bands, and hair bands may be worn if desired, and of suitable coloration and design."

When Mom saw the list, she snickered, and Dad looked upset. "Sam, this list is for a girl's aerobics class."

"They don't have a boy's class, and the only other gym class was competition sports, like football and basketball." They knew I hated those sports. I was not physically aggressive, and had been roughed up too many times.

"I bet Sam will look really cute in a leotard and tights." Stacey was grinning at me.

"It's not funny. How would you feel if you had to wear only a jock strap and trunks to gym?" She grimaced, and covered her chest. "So don't make fun of me. I'm certain everyone else will."

"I will take you both to school tomorrow, and speak with the principal about these requirements." He looked carefully at me. "However, Samuel, I suspect that the tights and leotard requirement is legitimate." He looked at Mom, who nodded. "Nancy, I want you to take them shopping this afternoon, and get them both a couple of school outfits. And get Sam one set of whatever is required for the aerobics class."

"But Dad..."

"Samuel, altering your body, which includes cutting your hair, is one thing. Requiring you to wear specific clothing is quite different. So if they require slacks and a dress shirt, that is what you will wear."

"Maybe he should go for a skirt and blouse, then he won't have to worry about his hair, except to keep it neat." Mom gurgled, Dad sputtered, and I sat there with my mouth open. Stacey quickly blurted out. "Hey, I was just joking!" I got up and ran out to the motorhome, and curled up on the couch. That was where Stacey found me.

"Sam, I was just kidding."

"You know how much trouble I've had because people thought I was a girl. I can't help the way I look, or sound." She curled up around me and we snuggled. "Maybe I should just run away."

"Like you would get very far around here?" I nodded sadly. I was still upset when Mom came and got us, saying we would eat lunch while we were out shopping.

I was surprised to find that the village had a wide variety of nice shops. There was also a shopping center, which Mom wanted to avoid. Stacey quickly found three really nice skirt-and-blouse combinations on sale, and then matching shoes. I wound up with two pairs of slacks and four shirts that Mom assured me would be somewhat comfortable once they were washed several times. Shoes were a problem, until I found a pair of walking shoes that looked dressy. Lunch was at a small bakery. It put McDonald's on my avoid list. Their food was wonderful.

When we visited a dance and theatrical supply to get me the tights and leotards, it got ugly. The sales lady first addressed me, in a strong French accent, as "miss", and then stared, and finally chuckled when she was told by Mom I was her son. "He's so precious. Does he have a gaff to go with his new leotards?" We looked at her. "A gaff is a special type of underwear that keeps his private parts hidden, so he will look proper on stage." I almost died of embarrassment when the sales-lady had to measure me for the leotard and tights, and instruct me how to put on and adjust the gaff. She added a matching sweatband to the outfit to keep my hair out of my eyes.

When I came out of the dressing room to look at myself in a full-length mirror, Stacey gasped out "Oh My God!" Mom stared at me like I was painted green. When I looked at myself in the mirror, and saw the teenage girl staring back at me, I froze in shock.

"I told you he was precious. So few boys look that feminine, that natural, without far too much makeup and assistance." We all looked at the sales lady like she was daft. "Only one thing is missing." She went to the back of the shop, and returned a minute later carrying a small box. Treating me like a statue, she pulled the top of my leotard out, and careful stuck two cool, wiggly objects on my chest, then repositioned the leotard. "Ah, that is so much better."

I now had small, prominent breasts, and looked almost as old as my sister. I stood up straight, turned slowly, and stared at the girl looking back at me from the mirror. The resemblance to my sister was incredible. My lower body, lean and well muscled from years of swimming and track, gave me the figure of a young female athlete. "Sam, are you okay?" Mom came over and hugged me. I wasn't sure what I was.

"She is so pretty, much more poised and graceful than most of the young women her age that come here for exercise clothes."

"I am not a girl!" I managed to find my voice.

"No, Mon Cheri, you are a young woman. I can see it in your eyes. You are still too young and naïve to understand." She turned to Mom, who was still holding me. "I will sell you the breast-forms at cost. Consider them an investment in her future."

"Mom! I'm a boy. B O Y. Boy!" I started to jump up and down, and my chest jiggled, so I crossed my arms under "my" breasts, and glowered at them. Stacey was having trouble staying composed.

"Sam makes a much better looking sister than she does a younger brother." Stacey snickered, then added "I wish my legs looked that good."

"Stacey, leave your sister, I mean your brother, alone!"

"MOM!" Stacey pinched my bottom, hard. "Ouch!"

"And she's got a cute butt." She giggled, and dashed out the front door. Not thinking, I ran after her, threatening assorted mayhem, starting with strangling her with her ponytail. I caught up with her near the end of the block, and was going for her when an older woman grabbed me from behind.

"Young lady, this is a public street, and you should be ashamed, acting like a ruffian, and running around indecently dressed." She wrapped her sweater around me. "Where are your parents?!" Stacey, who by now was thoroughly confused, pointed up the sidewalk, where mom was rapidly heading our direction. The woman kept a firm grip on me until mom arrived.

"Your daughter seems to have forgotten about behaving and dressing appropriately in public" Mom stared at her, then at me.

"Sam's no..." Stacey kicked mom. "Ouch!"

"SAMANTHA, my little SISTER, the nice lady is right, you really should be wearing at least a bra with that outfit." I gurgled and turned red. Stacey turned to Mom, who was rubbing her shin, and trying to comprehend what Stacey was saying. "Sam is just so impulsive, she chased me without thinking. I'll take her back to the theater shop." I had my mouth wide open, as Stacey grabbed my arm, and steered me back towards the store.

I whispered as loudly as I could "You called me Samantha! I'm not a damn girl..."

"Unless you want to explain why you are a boy with tits, I suggest you shut up and play along. That woman looks and acts like she owns this place."

"I..." I shut up. She was right and, well, it was all too weird. When she hauled me in the door, the sales lady was waiting, and smiling.

"Sam, I mean my little sister SAMANTHA here, was grabbed by a really stuffy old lady and told that it was indecent to be in public dressed this way. So do you have a skirt and bra that will fit her, so she can go back out without creating a ruckus?" My system went into overload, and I was unable to say anything intelligent as I was re-measured, and fitted with a lightly padded bra and a thin wrap skirt. Stacey looked out the door, and announced that Mom and the woman that had grabbed me were having a long and animated discussion as they headed this way. I wanted to crawl in a hole and pull the dirt over me.

The worst was yet to come. The sales-lady sat me in a chair, and pulled out a set of shoes with high, blocky heels from under a counter. "Someone left these here a long time ago, and they were too nice to throw away. I think they are the right size..." When Mom and the older woman finally returned to the store, there I was, in a total daze, being tutored in how to manage heels.

They both stared at me. So the sales lady made an announcement. "She really is a striking young woman, your daughter, and high spirited. I am certain she will prove quite a challenge when the young men come flocking to your door." Stacey broke out in giggles. I just barely managed to make it to a chair before I fell.

"It's been a great pleasure talking with you; I never expected to meet my husband's new office manager and her lovely daughters out shopping. I must tell William about our conversation." The older woman gave Mom a hug, then kissed each of us on the cheek. "Bridgett, put whatever these delightful young ladies desire on my account, and make sure they are instructed in proper manners and attire before they depart." The sales lady curtsied deferentially to her.

"I will be honored, Lady McWorter". The older woman smiled, and departed.

Mom barely made it to a chair herself. "I see you and your daughters have met and impressed THE Lady McWorter." Mom stared numbly at the sales lady. "Angeline McWorter is a legend in this area. She and her husband are fabulously wealthy, and Lady McWorter is the driving force behind the return of old-fashioned courtesy and institutions here. She can make, or break, any business or organization with a wave of her hand.

"I'm dead meat. When she finds out I'm not a girl she will have me tarred and feathered, and burned at the stake, and..."

"I told her you were a boy, and she seemed absolutely entranced by the idea you could be so convincing." I goggled at mom. "When I told her you were willing to dress in the leotard and tights because it was the only way you could take aerobics instead of football, she said she wished more boys were gentler. But now I don't know what to do. She invited the three of us to tea on Saturday, and emphasized that Samantha, not Sam, was invited. And her husband owns the business where I will start work on Monday."

The sales lady spoke up "Well then, I would recommend that you find your daughters suitable outfits for the tea, and not worry. Now, since she has said that she will pay for whatever you desire..."

When we finally headed home, I wondered if I was trapped in a soap opera. Or a horror movie. We had spent almost an hour at the theatrical shop being drilled on proper posture, grace, and attitude. I think I had it easier than Stacey. It was all new to me. She had to unlearn bad habits. Then we went dress shopping.

Stacey was all enthusiastic about her new clothes, and Mom was muttering about the cost of having to get me both boys and girls clothes, and on top of it, having to buy both of us formal dresses for Saturday. Even if the exercise stuff, of which Stacey and I now had plenty, was free. Stacey said my dress was killer. I told her if anyone from school saw me I was gonna get killed. She told me they'd be asking me for dates. I said they would be bringing their dates to the hanging.

"Both of you listen up. Before Saturday we will have to get Sam's hair and nails done, and we need to talk to your father about whether Sam is going to school as your brother or sister."

"MOM, I AM A BOY, REMEMBER?"

"You are shouting. Angeline seems to think you would do better in school, especially with your hair and feminine appearance, as a girl. I can take the pants, shirts and dress shoes back before the weekend, and can get my money back. What do you think, Stacey?" I sat with my mouth open. This could not be real.

"Sam will make a great weird little sister. She's been kind of a pain as a brother, so..."

"You can't do this to me, I'm not a girl, it's against the law, it's unconstitutional, it's..."

"It's time you looked in a mirror." I stared at Mom in horror as she handed me the mirror from her purse. And stared even harder at the girl in the mirror staring back at me. I was silent the rest of the way home.

When Dad got home, Mom collared him and told Stacey to go out to the motorhome and make dinner. I simply found a quiet corner where I could contemplate what was happening. I was still wondering what I had done to deserve being tortured when Dad came out and collected me. When I saw he was frowning, I wanted to run. "You mother and I need to talk with you about tomorrow".

"I AM NOT GOING TO SCHOOL AS A GIRL!" I jumped up and down, with my fists clenched at my sides. Just like me sister used to. And I was wearing a skirt, leotard, and a bra. He frowned again.

"I talked to the school after you three went shopping." I shut up fast. When we collected on the floor of the dining room to eat, I noticed Stacey was very subdued. Dinner was simple and good. Stacey could cook well. So could I, but refused to, saying it was women's work. I thought I felt the ground quake. My world was getting shakier and shakier.

After dinner we all helped clean up, and went back to the motorhome. "Sam, your father and I have discussed you school situation, and frankly, we don't know what to do. According to the school, they will not waive their dress regulations for anything other than medical or religious reasons. And you have neither. If you were a senior, they would have considered a temporary waiver, but as a freshman, they were adamant. And they have legal opinions supporting them." I sat and looked at my skirt.

"Apparently Angeline McWorter called them after she met you, and also checked on the regulations. She was rather emphatic, and they apparently agreed that if you registered as a girl, they would not argue, and you could keep you hair long. For some reason she seems very interested in your attending the school as a girl."

"Don't I have any say in this?" I was afraid I already knew their answer.

"You can choose to cut your hair and join in with the rest of the male students in sports. Or you can dress and act like a cultured young woman at school, and dress the way you want after school. Sort of like wearing a uniform. Neither of us like the idea, but your mother did point out you do make a rather attractive girl."

"MOM!" She smiled. Stacey's smile read: "Told you."

"You have until ten tonight to decide. Your father recommends a scissors. I'm not so sure. You have never been comfortable with the aggressiveness of most boys. And spending some time as a teenage girl might teach you more respect for women." They got up and left me with Stacey. The look on her face had turned to one of sympathy.

"Sam, you know you have always tried to be macho, and failed miserably. My friends have always thought you were gay, the way you look, move and act." I stared at her in shock, and she nodded. "I didn't want to tell you, because I knew how much it would hurt. And I do love you, little brother. But I meant it, you look a lot better as my sister than my brother. And I think you would find being a girl a lot easier."

'I'M NOT GAY!" It came out squeaking. "I like girls. I can't help it if I look and sound a little like one." I started to sniffle. "And here everyone is telling me I should be a girl, and..."

"No, you don't have to become a girl. We're not going to cut your thing off." I doubled over at the thought. "But there is nothing wrong with acting like a girl. We're a lot more fun than a bunch of stuffy boys whose whole purpose in life is trying to get into our underwear. And I can guarantee you a soft dress is a lot more comfortable than slacks and a dress shirt."

"Oh My God, you mean that boys would be hitting on me and..." She giggled.

"You'll need a stick to beat them off, as cute as you are." I wanted to die right there.

We argued the pros and cons of by going to school as either a boy or a girl until almost ten. Talk about a no-win situation. With short hair I could be Samuel. A little kid who would get buried in the pecking order. Especially because I was both non-aggressive and so far ahead academically. Visions of ivy-league school hazings made me tremble. As Samantha I could keep my hair, and most kids would avoid me, figuring I was weird. But people would think I was gay. My stomach churned as I realized they apparently did anyway. And girls would never date me. The problem was, they wouldn't date me now. It was almost ten when Stacey asked me what I had decided.

I pulled out a quarter. "Heads I'm Samantha. Tails I'm Samuel. You flip it." She gave me a scared look.

"That bad?" I nodded. "Okay." She gave it a mighty flip, and when it quit bouncing, she looked at the coin. "Well, little sister, we better go tell Mom and Dad they have a second daughter." I quietly fainted.

When I woke up, I was snuggled against Stacey on the motorhome couch. The clock was beeping softly. "Time to get up, Stacey". She tried to pull her pillow over her head. I tickled her, and she screeched. I made it into the house ahead of her. When I reached the kids bathroom, I realized I was wearing a nightgown. It wound up in a heap, and after necessaries, I started the shower, then heard the door open. "Hey, like some privacy, please!"

"Sorry Sis, but you need my help this morning. The shower door opened a bit, and she handed me a razor and shaving cream. "Do your legs and pits. And don't argue or I'll do it for you. Then put on the clothes I brought for you. And don't throw your nightgown on the floor." I wondered if I should try to drown myself. I decided it would take too long, and with my luck, I would just wind up barfing soapy water.

When I got out of the shower Stacey inspected me, and after making disgusted noises re-did my pits. While I stood there beet red and naked. Even though she was also naked. I had not seen her completely without clothes in a long time, and it caused a very embarrassing reaction. Which made her giggle. I dressed while she showered. She insisted on brushing and braiding my hair, and did something to my face with makeup. When she added lipstick, I whimpered. I really whimpered when she put the lipstick in the purse mom had bought me. Along with tissues and a bunch of other stuff.

Mom and dad met us when we came downstairs. There was a look of concern on their faces, and a tear in mom's eye. "Don and I will take you to school this morning. Breakfast is ready." She looked carefully at me, and shook her head. "I know you are my son, and I can't tell you weren't born a girl." Dad was nodding. In the two-inch blocky heels, I swayed when I walked.

I used a napkin, under threats, at breakfast. My aerobics stuff was in a gym bag. Stacey and I wound up in the back seat. She was looking at me with concern. "Sam, are you going to be okay?"

I shook my head. "Just play it by ear. And act the way I always have, but nicer." I stuck my tongue out at her. "Careful, someone may take you up on that." When it finally sank in, I turned red.

We got there early, and I found myself comparing Stacey and myself to the other girls. We looked just like them. And no one seemed to give either of us a strange look, other than that reserved for "new kids". When we entered the headmaster's offices, the secretary gave me a weird look, but said nothing. We wound up in their conference room with Ms Rothveldt and Dr. Hamilton. Apparently I was expected. As a girl.

"I see that Angeline was right. She looks better than most of the freshman girls." I stared at Ms Rothsveldt. "Angeline called both Dr. Hamilton and me last night, and told us what you were going to do." She and Dr. Hamilton waved us into our seats.

Dr. Hamilton began "This is a small village. By tonight most everyone will know Sam's story. I don't envy her the next four years. But I respect her choice. I'm not sure I could do what she is doing." And I will do my best to make her stay at this school as pleasant as possible." He looked at me. "Have you decided on a name?" I nodded.

"Samantha Michelle McNeil. Or Sam. That way I won't get confused when I'm being Samuel when I'm not in school." He nodded.

"We have arranged for you to have a key to the handicap washrooms. They are all individual, so you will have appropriate privacy. For aerobics class, the instructor will show you where a semi-private dressing area is located. We will expect you to respect the other girls' privacy as well."

I stared at him. He was addressing me as she. "Um, Dr. Hamilton, I am still a boy, despite the clothes..."

"For this to work, when you are at school, you are a young lady. You will use only the feminine pronouns when describing yourself. I see no reason to deceive you, this is going to cause quite a stir in these stuffy halls. How much you tell the other students is up to you, but remember that this is a small community, and most of our students are very intelligent."

Ms. Rothsveldt got up and handed us our official schedules. And sheets showing our lockers and combinations. "The first bell is in ten minutes. I recommend you find your lockers, and get ready for class. You will find the books you need in your lockers." She turned to me. "Samantha, I wish you the best of luck. You are going to need it." Stacey and I excused ourselves. At least our lockers were adjacent.

By noon I had learned that the local students were as competitive as gladiators, and that my dress was more comfortable than dress slacks. And that most of the students were actually smart enough to hold intelligent discussions. I mused as I headed for the lunchroom that if I could just be my male self, I could maybe enjoy the school. I met Stacey and several other girls at the lunch table where she was holding me a spot.

"Samantha, meet Angie, Ruth, Tabitha, and Wanda" Angie and Wanda were, well, girls. Ruth was a big, athletic girl with short dark hair. Tabitha was an attractive, pale girl about my size, who had beautiful, long, silver-white hair. "Girls, meet my younger sister Sam." They looked at me like I was fresh off a banana boat.

Angie piped up "at least you have a younger sister. I'm stuck with a stupid younger brother, and he is such a pest..." I choked on a piece of lettuce.

'Um, don't they ..." Stacey was pale as she shook her head. "I think I better go..."

"No!" Stacey grabbed me. And took a deep breath. "You are going to find it hard to believe, but my sister Samantha here is really my brother, Samuel, who was given a choice of coming to school as a girl or cutting her hair." Their looked changed to one of skepticism. So don't make fun of her. Everyone will soon know the story." She hugged me to her as they looked me over.

"No way. Not a chance." Tabitha was studying me intently. The others simply shook their heads. "How old are you?"

"Fourteen. How old are you?"

"Fourteen, and a freshman. And if you are a boy, I'm a duck."

"Start quacking."

We stared at each other. Then the bell rang. That ended any discussion. It was obvious that being late was not a good idea.

I finally arrived at the ballet studio for aerobics, my final class. When I found the teacher, she gave me a really strange look, then directed me to a small dressing room at one side of the studio. Inside there was a common area, and individual changing cubicles. I tried not to stare at the partly dressed girls as I dashed for an empty cubicle, and changed. When I joined the rest of the class in the studio, I discovered Tabitha was already there. She came over and examined me from head to toe. "I win!" I shrugged and shook my head.

"Prepare to quack." She gave me a funny look.

"Class, attention please!" The instructor, a Ms. Kormanski according to my schedule, got everyone's attention. "We have a new student with us today. Samantha McNeil. Please come over here, Samantha." I started to shake, and carefully worked my way over to her. "Samantha is a special student here." She looked me over, and seemed confused. "I have been advised by Dr. Hamilton that Samantha is really a boy, who has chosen to attend school here as a girl so she will not have to cut her hair..." she looked at me again.

"I am a boy, Ms. Korminski. Please do not make fun of me." Tabitha came over, and started to flap her arms and quack loudly. That totally confused everyone.

I tried to escape, but Ms. Korminski grabbed me, and whispered in my ear "are you sure you are really a boy?" I gave her a disgusted look, and nodded. "What do you want to be called?"

"Sam" She nodded.

"Class, attention please!" it got quiet. "Please treat Sam like one of you while she is in our class. I will not tolerate any harassment or improper behavior. Now line up, and we will go through our warm-up exercises." She worked us like we were training for the decathlon. I knew I would be sore in the morning. But it also meant that everyone was too busy to bother me.

The moment I entered the dressing room after class I was grabbed by several older girls. "Okay sister, no one is going to pretend to be a boy for special privileges, and get away with it." I tried to struggle, but they were bigger and stronger than me. So I quit fighting. As they carefully peeled me out of my soggy exercise clothes, I wished for a quick and painless end. There were a lot of giggles when they found the padded bra with the silicone inserts. When they finally pulled off the gaff, there was dead silence. Followed by a mass exodus.

In ten seconds there were only three of us left in the dressing room. Tabitha, me, and the girl who was holding my gaff like it was alive. I reached out and grabbed it, and she ran out the door. I quietly pulled it back on, and ignoring Tabitha entirely, got everything back into position. In the cubicle I re-dressed, and came out to find Tabitha waiting for me. "Please, forgive my not believing you, I..."

"You were not one of the people stripping off my clothes either. So go away and leave me to my misery."

"Is there anyway I can apologize?" I looked at her.

"Yes. Kill me so I don't have to face another day like this." I waved at my dress. She hung her head and sat on a bench, crying. I wanted to tell her she deserved whatever she was feeling, but it just wouldn't come out. So I sat next to her and gave her a hug. She hugged me back, and I started to cry.

That was how Stacey found us. She had heard a little about what happened when she got on the bus, and was afraid I had been hurt or would run away. So she was searching madly for me for quite a while. I filled Stacey in on what had actually happened while Tabitha changed. "And they just went silent and ran away." She held me while I shook again. Together they escorted me to the Headmaster's office, where Stacey used language I had rarely heard even from Dad to get someone's attention. The three of us wound up in Dr. Hamilton's office.

When I finished describing what happened, he looked sick. "I never expected any of the students here to act in such a criminal manner. The girls who participated will be identified and expelled. I wish I could do more, but that will be up to you if you or your parents want to press criminal charges."

"No. Please do not expel them." Everyone stared at me. "They did not injure me. And something like this was bound to happen." I looked at Dr. Hamilton. "I am an intruder into their space. What they did is wrong, but if they are expelled, everyone will blame me, and no one will win. Can they just be just be put on some kind of suspended sentence, and then maybe this can all blow over?"

"But they stripped your clothes and underwear off and..."

"Stacey, I was scared silly and embarrassed. Not injured. Now everyone will know that I'm really a boy, and will just leave me alone." I paused. "And no one had better complain if I use the girls washrooms or lockers after this." That made Tabitha giggle.

"Samantha, if that is what you want, I will place them on sixty days probation, and have their parents provide a written apology." I shook my head.

"The apology won't change anything. Just make sure they understand that what they did was unkind." He looked at me strangely.

"I can tell you the names of those that took part." We all looked at Tabitha. She pulled out a notebook, and started writing. When Dr. Hamilton looked at the list, he scratched off one name.

"Tabitha, you were the only one brave enough to stick around. Unless Samantha insists, you can consider your participation in the event and the punishment closed." I nodded. He looked again at the list. "There are going to be some mightily upset parents this evening." He looked thoughtful. "Since you three missed your busses, can I drive you home?" We all nodded.

It turned out Tabitha lived about a half-mile from our new house. Or was it new cabin. Her house was three times the size of ours, and her front lawn was big enough for a football field. When we got to our house, the car was not there, so we thanked Dr. Hamilton, and headed inside. On the door was a note saying mom and dad would be home late, and to fix ourselves dinner and do our homework. Stacey grabbed me as I headed for my new room.

"Sam, are you sure you are going to be okay?" I shook my head.

"No, I'm going to be miserable, and lonely, and hate life. But right now I am going to take a long, warm shower, eat, and try to manage my homework. And see if I can find a reason not to just kill myself." I grabbed clean panties and a nightgown from the piles of clothes in my room, and headed for the bathroom.

I was still mulling my future when I headed downstairs and found Stacey had cooked up a frozen pizza with lots of extra hamburger and stuff, and put out sodas for us. "Feeling better? I nodded, and tried to figure a good way to sit on the floor in a nightgown. "Lift the skirt, and when you are seated, let if fall free." It worked. "And if the floor is cold, find something to sit on." I looked at her, and then realized how thin the panties were. Her warning made sense.

By the time mom and dad got home, we were finished with our homework, and I was curled up against Stacey on our bed in the motorhome, sound asleep.

In the morning, Stacey almost had to use a fork to get me moving, and I dreaded what I would find when I got to school. It didn't help when Mom said we both had appointments at a beauty salon after school, and she would be picking us up. Stacey whispered in my ear that she had not told them about yesterday. I did not want to bring the subject up. As bad as the butterflies were in my stomach, it wouldn't be the only thing.

We were one of the earlier bus pickups. When Tabitha got on the bus, she came dashing back to where we sat. Several other kids had given us funny looks when they got on, so I knew that most everyone had heard about yesterday. "Samantha, I was afraid you wouldn't be coming to school and..."

"I might as well face the firing squad now." She and Stacey gave me concerned looks. "And I would have to tell mom and dad why I wouldn't go to school, which would probably be worse." Stacey nodded.

Tabitha pushed me over against Stacey, and they tried to make a hug sandwich out of me all the way to school. Stacey was my sister, but I didn't know anything about Tabitha, and yet she was treating me like her friend. I started to get a headache, and decided to close my eyes and quit thinking. It almost worked. I started to shake when the bus pulled into the parking lot. I almost peed myself when I saw Dr. Hamilton head for me. He told Stacey to go to her classes, and asked me to follow him to the conference room by his office.

When we entered, I tried to turn and run. Inside were the girls who had stripped me after aerobics. And each was accompanied by at least one very upset adult. Dr. Hamilton blocked my escape, and steered me towards the podium. I saw Tabitha being escorted in by Ms Rothsveldt.

"I am going to keep this short and to the point. I spoke with each of you, and your parents, last night. Based on what happened, school rules allow me to immediately expel each of you for a year, and turn the matter over to the police for further actions." Several of the girls moaned and cried on their parents, who looked distressed. "And I was planning on taking exactly those actions, but someone interceded on your behalf." That caused a lot of staring and mumbling.

"Samantha, the student that was assaulted, has requested that no one be expelled or suspended, and that the police not be involved." He motioned to me, and I managed to nod despite my nervousness. "She, and I am using the feminine pronoun intentionally, has been brave enough to take on the role of a girl at school to keep from cutting her hair. Last night she pointed out that expelling the girls who assaulted her would not solve anything. She does not want vengeance, which sometimes seems to be a way of life in this community." A lot of parents looked at the floor.

"So I am placing every student involved on sixty days probation, which will be removed from their records if they stay out of trouble." There were gasps throughout the room. "And I expect that from now on every one of the students involved will treat Samantha with significantly more respect and courtesy than they normally give their fellow students. That is all I have to say on the subject. Now head for your classes. You can apologize to Samantha at aerobics class this afternoon." Dr. Hamilton took my hand, and escorted me to his office.

"You did a lot of people a great service by deciding not to press charges or demand expulsion. With an offense like that on their records, it would be socially devastating, and would probably prevent them from entering any of the better universities. You have impressed some important people. I hope that you have made the correct choice for yourself." He got up and shook my hand. "Good luck. If you need help, or need someone to talk to, my door is always open." The second bell rang. "Now get to class."

I was the last one seated, and everyone was staring at me. Before anyone started harassing me, the teacher got the class's attention. "What you have heard is probably correct. Samantha" she walked over and had me stand "is actually a boy, who had chosen to attend school as a girl rather than cut her er his, hair." There was a lot of mumbling. "So simply treat her as another girl in the class, and you won't wind up visiting the headmaster."

She smiled weakly at me. "Besides, Samantha is already well ahead of most of you in academics, even though she is only fourteen." That got a lot of discussion, as this was a class of sophomores and juniors. Finally she decided to take control again, and started on yesterday's homework. It got quiet fast.

A similar pattern followed in my second class, which was an all-girls class on grooming and deportment. Tabitha was in the class, and it soon became obvious that I was in deep trouble. At least academically. When they started on the day's lesson, which had to do with proper responses to a young man's advances, I wound up with my head in my hands, whimpering. This caused the teacher to intervene.

"Samantha, please pay attention." I looked up. "Even though you are gay, when dressed as a young lady you a will be expected to manage appropriately in social situations." Everyone looked at me as I goggled at the teacher. I tried to respond, but all that came out were squeaks. Finally Tabitha goosed me, which got out an "AWK!" followed by my going into a coughing fit. Several of the others pounded me on the back, and one girl got me some water. When I was back to breathing again, I managed to get up and face the teacher.

"I'm not gay. I know you don't understand, but I really like girls, even if I have to dress like one." I was ready to run from the room when Tabitha gave me a hug. The teacher looked skeptical.

"Look, get off her case, please?" She hugged me tighter. "Just think of her as a really quiet lesbian who grew up a tomboy." I think my eyebrows went into low orbit. She gave me a kiss. Everyone started encouraging noises.

"Hey, I've got a really cool idea!" I managed to pry my lips away from Tabitha and stare at one of the Laura Ashley types. "We're supposed to pick a class project, right?" I had no clue, but there was verbal agreement from many of the others. "Why don't we make turning Samantha into a real girl our project?" That got conversations flying.

I looked in horror at Tabitha, who whispered in my ear "Don't argue. With all the girls working together, you'll learn real fast, and anyone interfering with their project will be lucky to get away alive."

"But I'm not a lesbian!" She gave me another, longer, more involved kiss that made things really fuzzy.

As I came up for air, the room was silent. The teacher was staring at us with amusement. "One of the first lessons Samantha will need is on what forms and displays of affection between young women are considered in good taste. And I think making her the class project is a wonderful idea." I tried to object, but Tabitha got close and personal with her next kiss, and I overloaded. When she finally released me, all I could manage was a smile.

At lunch Tabitha and I sat with Stacey and several girls I had not seem before. Stacey went into a giggle fit when Tabitha told them what had happened in our last class. "Any boy stupid enough to mess with her now will wind up as guacamole. The other girls, who apparently already knew about me, agreed.

Calculus 2 was the first afternoon class. I was the only student that was not at least a junior, and looked like a little kid compared to the rest. So I got bombarded with comments, especially of the "go home little weirdo" type from some of the guys, until the teacher decided it was time to act. "Class, it appears you have a problem with Samantha's appearance. Get over it. She is here to stay." I cringed. She paused, and then put a really nasty partial differential on the board. I recognized it immediately as a minor variation of the examples that seemed to be in all the books. "Anyone want to chance solving this equation?" There was dead silence. "Samantha, will you come up to the board please."

I managed to get there without screaming. "Please show the class how to solve this equation, and explain each step." I managed a quiet "I'll try, ma'am."

A few minutes later I was completing the last steps, and got ready to sit down. The teacher kept me at the board. I noticed that everyone had been taking notes. "Anyone wish to challenge Samantha's analysis of the problem?" There were a lot of very sheepish looks. "Perhaps I should start grading on a curve?" She paused as several kids grimaced. "No? Well then, it is time to quit playing games and get back to studies." She turned to me. "Thank you, Samantha, for a good analysis of that equation. You may take your seat." I almost flew to my desk. The rest of the class went quickly. No one gave me any strange looks when I groaned loudly at the mention of weekend homework. I was just one of many with the same sentiments.

As I got up to leave for my last class, a huge guy, one of those that had been giving me some grief, came over and blocked my path. I started to panic, but he introduced himself as Howard, and asked if I tutored calculus. "I know that I made a fool of myself earlier, and I'm sorry. At least let me buy you a snack after school."

I stared at him. "Um, I'm not a girl, and..."

"And you are undoubtedly the best math student in the class and I need help or I'll get booted our of sports." He looked carefully at me. "Darn it, you're really cute. If you were a girl I'd get arrested for cradle robbing. At least think about tutoring. There are several others who need help, but are probably too embarrassed to ask." He glanced at his watch. "Oops, gotta get to class." He dashed off, leaving me staring at him.

I almost jumped out of my skin when someone tapped me on the shoulder. It turned out to be the teacher. "Samantha, I hope you are not mad at me, but I figured they needed a kick in their egos." I nodded. "And you really are one of the best math students I have seen in many years. Please do not let the attitudes of a few interfere with your studies." I managed to nod as the bell rang. She scribbled a note "This will take care of your being late. Good luck."

I dashed for the ballet studio as fast as the heels would allow. When I got there, everyone was waiting for me. The teacher simply told me to "Get dressed, and meet us in the studio." I nodded, and with great apprehension headed into the dressing room. Which was empty. So I hurried, and when I came into the studio, I was called to the front of the class by the teacher. "Class, I believe there are some of you that need to say something to Samantha."

The entire contingent that had accosted me the day before came forward. I was trembling, and the teacher held me tightly.

"Samantha, the other girls have, well, elected me to speak for them, since I'm the one that came up with the stupid idea to prove you were really a girl trying for favors." She swallowed and several others could be heard mumbling "keep going, bonehead".

"Anyway, we all learned a lot from you. Dr. Hamilton was right, we were expecting to get what we would have wanted: revenge. Which doesn't say much that is good about any of us." There was a general assent. Only a couple of girls seemed to disagree. "So you have my, and most of our, apologies. Which for most of us are real and come from the heart. And most of our sincerest thanks. I can't say that for everyone. But I, for one, will do my best to help you become one of us. And if anyone here tries to give you trouble, any trouble, let me know. Because there are a lot more of us than of them." There was general assent. She came over and gave me a hug.

"That is from me. Thank you." Most of the other girls followed her lead. Two obviously didn't agree, and barely shook my hand. Ms. Kormansky was eyeing them like a juicy steak. I got a feeling they were in for an unpleasant semester.

When the last girl finished, Ms. Kormansky announced it was time to get started. And had the two dissenting students join her up front. By the end of class I had resolved to stay on her good side. I wondered if she had ancestors who helped run the inquisition. Unpleasant would be tranquillity compared to what she was putting them through.

After class I met up with Stacey, who wanted a detailed account of my day. I claimed exhaustion, but had enough awareness to mention Howard's strange request. She almost tripped, and stared at me.

"Howard, as in Howard Adkins, captain of the JV football team, the most eligible boy in the school?" I nodded. "And he wants you to tutor him?" I nodded again.

"He started to ask me for a date, until I reminded him I was really a boy."

"Oh My God, this is getting so weird..." I wondered if it was going to get any weirder.

Mom picked us up after school. She was hopping mad that we had not told her about what had happened the day before, as she heard about it at work. Stacey took the wind out of her sails fast. "Mom, Samantha handled it better than you could have. If you or Dad had gotten involved, everyone would be upset and an angry. Now she has the respect of a lot of the other students, and some of their parents. Which will get her a lot further than revenge any day."

She snuggled me. "Besides, The captain of the football team has asked her for a date." Mom almost ran into a parked car. I was too busy trying to pound on Stacey to deny what she said. Finally, Stacey said it was a joke, and mentioned the request for tutoring. Mom calmed down a bit, but her driving still made me nervous.

I had not been to a beauty salon since I was about seven, when mom had dragged me along with her. Apparently I was expected, as I got checked out by every woman there. Soon I was getting what Mom described as "a complete makeover," which I quickly equated with some form of ancient ritual torture. Especially when the woman doing my face shaped my eyebrows with a tweezers. When the started on my nails I tried to protest, and was advised to sit and take it like a young lady. They even did my toenails. Mom had brought along the dresses we were to wear to the tea, and Stacey had to help me change in one of the dressing rooms. While wearing a head full of huge curlers.

After brushing out my hair, and, to my great disgust, adding makeup and lipstick, the beautician paraded me and Stacey to a large set of mirrors. Stacey took one look at herself and started to preen. She really looked beautiful, kind of like those girls in the movies on prom night. Then it was my turn. Mom caught me before I hit the floor.

Gone was any trace of Samuel. I looked like another of the girls from the same movie. "Your daughters will be the talk of the tea." Mom was helping me to a chair as a tall, older women came over to inspect us. I had not seen her before. "Your youngest seems a bit pale, is it her time of month?"

Stacey tried to hold back, but finally exploded in laughter. Mom just stood there with her mouth open.

I managed to stand up. "Mom, it's not funny!" I started for Stacey, who easily skipped away. I saw one of the women who had done my hair whispering to the woman who made the comment. She looked startled, and then mortified.

"Young lady, I am so sorry, I..." She came over and carefully looked at me. "I mean young..." She was shaking her head, then turned to Mom. "I am at a loss. Should I address her as he or she, I mean..." Stacey had finally recovered enough to intercede.

"This is my former younger brother Samuel, who has, for now, decided to become my younger sister Samantha. And "she" is the proper pronoun, right, Samantha?" I was too upset to reply. Mom finally managed to find her voice.

"Samantha, please be civil. And Stacey, if you say anything more to upset Samantha you will be doing all the dishes and laundry until you are eighteen." She turned to the woman. "You had no way of knowing. I have trouble remembering Samantha is really a boy, and she has worn girls clothes for all of two days." She gave me a hug. "But we have not been introduced. I'm their mother, Nancy McNeil, and these are my, er, daughters Stacey and Samantha." We nodded.

"So very pleased to meet you. Angeline told me about meeting you, and inviting you to our tea tomorrow. She neglected to tell me about Samantha, which I suspect was intentional." She paused. "I am Virginia Adkins, and your daughters are probably classmates of my son, Howard, who will be at the tea tomorrow." Panic started to build inside. She looked at my sister and me. "I will have to warn him to watch his manners. He, like my husband, has an eye for the ladies." She again paused, and looked at me. "You are certain Samantha is really a boy?" I looked at the floor, and felt Mom nod.

One of the people from the shop warned us that it was almost closing time. Mrs. Adkins told Mom she was looking forward to the tea, and gave Stacey and me soft kisses on our cheeks. I wanted to die, but was too stressed out to run. Before we left, Mom made us change back into our school clothes.

When we got home, Dad almost threw a fit. "Nancy, done up like that there is no way Sam will be able to look like a boy when he's not in school!" He stared at me with disgust, and I finally broke and ran for the motorhome with Stacey in hot pursuit. I could hear Mom and Dad arguing as I ran.

I grabbed my covers and tried to disappear, but I could not run away from myself. Stacey silently held me as it all came out, and I cried myself to sleep in her arms.

Mom came out and woke both of us at about ten, saying we needed to eat. When she saw my face, I wound up in the bathroom while she carefully removed the smeared makeup, and brushed out my hair. I tried to do some of it myself, but the long nails they had glued to my fingers made every move a challenge. Mom said very little, and I was not feeling talkative.

Inside the house Dad and Stacey were sitting on the floor, eating pizza. Dad cringed when he saw me, then looked mad, but said nothing. Stacey got up, gave me a hug, and pulled me down against her. As she fed me a piece of still-warm pizza, Dad stood up and began.

"Samanth..." he looked at me, and shook his head. "Samuel, this has gotten out of hand." He paced back and forth. "I figured that you would quickly come to your senses about going to school as a girl, and decide to get a haircut. Instead, all of the women around me seem determined to make a girl out of you. And you are going along with it like it is not a big deal."

I tried to say something, but he motioned to me to be silent. "Now your mother brings you home looking like a ditzy teenager getting ready for a big date, dolled up so that you can't possibly look masculine for weeks." He grabbed a piece of pizza and swallowed a bite, barely chewing it. "I raised you to be my son, not some female impersonator. And now I don't know what to do." He gestured at Mom. "Your mother says that you fit in better as a girl. I want my son back, but..." He slowly sat down. "But I also want what is best for you. And I'm at a loss for what that is." He looked in pain. "I guess if you are gay, then this might be the best I can hope for. But I wish we had never come here..." There were tears in his eyes.

We all sat there, occasionally eating, afraid to say anything. I wondered if Dad was right. Yet I had already found a girl, Tabitha, who didn't treat me like a fungus. And despite the problems, I had a feeling that this high school was what I really needed. I might be a considered a weirdo because I was wearing girls clothes, but at least here I was not a total outcast because I was smart.

Then there was the fact that Mom and Dad had already said they loved their new jobs, which was something they never could say about the ones back in the Midwest. I thought about what had happened the day before in Aerobics. And how well I was treated today. Sure, there were some forced apologies. But most were sincere.

Mom and Stacey were right, I did look a lot better as a girl than a boy. What was a boy, anyway? I was the same person regardless of how I was dressed. It was not like I had an image to maintain. Then there was Howard. No one had ever asked me for anything except my lunch money before. Here was a superstud jock who put how I looked aside and asked me to help him with something I was better at. Even though I had a nagging feeling that he still though of me as a girl.

I tallied my choices. I really didn't care about the clothes. Dresses were comfortable. And I was already beginning to like the tights and leotards. The gaff was not much worse than a jock strap. And the girls were far less likely than some macho meathead to try to use it as a sling-shot for my private parts. Makeup and the long nails I could do without. But I liked the way my hair felt, and it was much easier to brush. I opened my eyes and saw everyone staring at me.

"Sam, are you okay?" Stacey pulled me against her and gave me a long hug. She glowered at Mom and Dad, who seemed pensive. "Are you both finished blaming Sam for everything?"

Before they could respond I pulled away from her and stood up. "I think it's my turn." I reached down and picked up my soda. "First, and hopefully this is the last time I'll have to say it, I'm not gay. I like girls. And for the first time in my life a girl has indicated she likes me." That got Mom and Dad's attention. Fast.

"Second, although I don't really understand it, I don't change into a different person when I put on a a dress. I guess this means I'm weird, but even dressed as a girl I've been treated more like a person here than I ever was back in the Midwest.

Third, you two, and I think Stacey too, really do like it here." I watched as they nodded. "So I'll stay as Samantha, until I find another way to be myself without messing up everyone else's lives."

I went over to Dad. "Please, I'm still the same person. And you're still my father and I love you..." My voice broke as I started to cry. Moments later I was being held by Dad, who was trying hard not to sob, and failing. When we finally separated, Mom handed out badly needed tissues.

"Does this mean you are going to be Samantha full time?" Mom was looking at me.

"Dad is right, I'd look silly trying to pretend I'm boy, at least while I look like this." I fluffed my hair. Stacey grabbed me.

"Hey, that means we get to go shopping again!" Mom and Dad groaned. "I'll bet Tabitha will want to come along, and..."

"And it's late, and we have to get up early to get ready for the tea." Mom steered the conversation back to practical matters. "Please, go to bed and get some sleep. Your father and I have a lot to talk about." Dad nodded, and Stacey dragged me out to the motorhome.

"You really do mean it, you are going to stay Samantha?" I nodded We talked as we changed for bed. She tossed me a nightgown. She made a cocoon of the covers around us, and massaged the tension out of my neck till I dropped off to sleep.

How does one describe a setting and social event transplanted from history? The McWorter estate was awesome. Hedged gardens and lots of classic statues and other weird things. A huge ballroom with servants. And formal looking people acting formal all over the place. I recognized several kids from our school, each accompanying at least one parent through the amenities. I was glad I was wearing a dress, as the stiff shirts and suits the boys were wearing looked really uncomfortable.

After the formal introductions, during which I was examined like a piece of furniture at auction, the adults seemed to congregate in small groups to discuss business, and all of the kids made a beeline for the large buffet that was stocked with tiny, incredibly delicious little pastries. A couple of the older boys politely avoided me like I was contagious, but the rest seemed fascinated with my appearance. Howard's rumbling "Stunning outfit, Samantha." from behind almost caused an accident.

I spun around clumsily on the short heels I was wearing, and managed to fall directly into his arms. Where he held me closely for a moment, causing all sorts of weird and conflicting feelings to play tag in my head. He sort-of released me, and held me at arms length. I suddenly realized how tall he really was. Even with the heels I was eye-level with his chest. I actually managed a reply. "Wow. You're big!"

He seemed at ease despite the formal wear. "Sorry for startling you, but that outfit really does complement your natural beauty." I stared bug-eyed at him, and suddenly he changed colors and looked like someone had just told him there was a hole in his pants. "Oops, I forgot you're not really a..." Then he stared at me again, like there was something else he wanted to say.

I managed to quell the panic, and keep from having an embarrassing accident. "Um, it's okay, I think, because, well..." Now it was my turn to play thermometer. He released me and we stared at each other for several moments. He was the first to regain his composure. He carefully steered me away from several other kids who were giving us the evil eye, and towards a small bench by one of the hedges. En route he snagged a plate full of pastries.

I wound up sitting next to him, and we stared at each other trying to say something intelligent. He paused, and gently fed me a pastry. I was nibbling at it when I realized he was still treating me like a girl. And what was worse, I was responding like one. I slid away from him. "Howard, like I'm not a real girl..." He blinked, and looked sheepish.

"I know that, but it's just that you're so, so...something, that I just want to hold you close and..." Emotions flashed across his face, and he suddenly jumped up and almost ran towards the main group.

When what he said hit home, I pulled myself into a little ball on the bench and started to shake. Because that was what my emotions were telling me was right. That he was big and strong and warm and... I shrieked when someone tapped me on the shoulder, and fell off the bench in a disarray of hair and skirts.

"Sam, what happened, are you hurt or..." Stacey was pulling me to my feet, and hugged me tightly. "Did he do something, or..."

"He held me like I was a girl and it felt so right and I wanted more and he got scared and.. and I want to die and..." I buried my face against her shoulder and started to bawl. That is how Mom found us sometime later. With her help, Stacey managed to fix my makeup and they both escorted me back into the mainstream of things. I tried to panic when I saw Howard carefully watching me, but they held me till the feeling passed.

I managed to make it through the rest of the tea without screaming. We were just getting ready to leave when Mrs. Adkins, dragging Howard behind her, headed to intercept us. "Nancy, what's going on?" She pointed at Howard, then at me. "My son is acting like he is possessed, and keeps staring at, at her, or whatever she is." She pointed to me. "It's like she did something to him and now he's afraid to come near her." Her tone was accusatory.

Mom, who's even less aggressive than me, looked like she wanted to run. Stacey came out fighting. "What do you mean, 'she'?" Stacey got in Mrs. Adkins' face, and pointed at Howard. "He came on like a Romeo and held her and got poor Samantha got all scared and flustered and..."

I managed to get to Howard and whisper something in his ear. "We've got to talk after they stop fighting..."

He nodded, and immediately got between his mother and Stacey. "Nobody did anything to anyone, so please quit arguing." His mother seemed startled that he would contradict her. "Samantha and I had, well, an unexpected reaction to each other, and we both responded without thinking." He was bright red, but kept his composure.

"So Mom, Stacey, please don't make a scene." I moved over and gave Howard hug, which almost caused the other three to blow gaskets. "Howard and I will get together and talk after the tea, and see if we can figure out what happened. Between us. Okay?" Stacey gaped at me.

Mom and Mrs. Adkins conferred for a moment, and when they separated, I heard a comment about their needing to talk this evening. Stacey managed to interject that she and I were supposed to go shopping this afternoon.

"Mom, after I change, why don't I meet Samantha and Stacey at the shopping center?" Howard was a fast thinker. Mom looked at me, and Mrs. Adkins, who nodded.

"See you about" Howard looked at his watch "about three?" I looked at Mom, and nodded. He almost dragged his mother off towards their car.

As we were leaving, Mom tried to find out what happened, but I refused to divulge anything. It took both Stacey and me to convince her I would be okay at the mall. I borrowed Mom's cell phone and called Tabitha, who sounded happy to be able to get out of the house, and asked if we could give her ride.

I heard Mom and Dad discussing me as Stacey helped me change. All I had were school clothes. No, all I had in girls stuff was school clothes, so I would up in a long skirt and sweater, and despite my arguing, the tall heels. It happened again when I looked in the mirror. With my hair done up, and even a small amount of makeup, there was only Samantha looking back. I didn't know if I should complain or not. I always tried to do things really well. But here I wasn't trying.

Dad was nowhere to be seen when we left. Tabitha was dressed almost like me, and looked so good I had to fight the urge to get too cuddly. At least while Mom was around. As planned, Howard was at the North entrance when we pulled up. His mother was with him, and instead of leaving, Mom parked her car and went somewhere with her.

Tabitha gently poked Howard's bulging muscles. "Wow, U.S. grade A prime beef here..." Howard sputtered, and Stacey sat on the floor to deal with an attack of the terminal giggles. I made sure Mom was gone, and pulled Tabitha into a much-needed embrace.

When we finally separated to breathe, Howard and Stacey were making "follow us" motions. We would up at an ice cream place called Mort's. Howard pulled out a wad of money. "Mom said she wanted to pay for everything, so..."

They didn't have ice cream like this back in podunkville. Yummm. Howard ordered their biggest concoction, with everything possible added, and Stacey picked a banana split that would have split me in two. At Tabitha's suggestion, we split something called a "jungle delight". We spent the first few minutes eating in silent devotion. And trying to play naughty with the cherries and grapes. Finally Stacey interrupted us.

"Will you two knock it off!" I managed to keep my half of the grape we were jointly trying to suck dry as I pulled back quickly. "And get the whipped cream off your faces."

Tabitha made lots of squeaky noises when I leaned over and licked the white stuff off her face. She returned the favor, and we smiled at our companions, who were shaking their heads.

"Any more of that and we'll get charged for public indecency!" I stuck my tongue out at Stacey, and Tabitha tried valiantly to grab it with her lips. "Ahem!" We quickly separated again.

"Let's head out into the food court, and let them have their table back." Soon were seated on a bench away from the crowd. I recognized several kids from school, but no one bothered us. Howard suddenly looked really stressed. "Samantha, what happened between us back at the tea...My mom thinks you are gay and are coming on to me and that I'm screwed up in the head and..." He paused, trying to get back his usual calm. "And she thinks that your dressing as a girl has nothing to do with your hair and that it's all some sort of weird plot."

Stacey started to sputter, but it was Tabitha who managed to speak. "She's not gay, no way, no how, no chance." She licked my ear, and I quivered. "Unh Unh, I can tell." Then she started to giggle. "Well, on second thought, maybe -SHE- really is a lesbian..."

"Phffttt..." I almost blew ice cream remains all over everyone. "It's not like I'm trying to be a girl..."

"Trying has nothing to do with it." We all stared at Howard. "I may be a jock, but I'm not a dumb jock." He paused. "And I think I know what happened." We stared at him. "I've exactly no interest in guys, and way to much interest in girls for my own good. My mom even sent me to a shrink once because I was spending too much time chasing girls to keep up my grades." He looked at Stacey, who snickered. "So I'm more than just a casual observer."

"Samantha doesn't just look like a girl. She moves and acts like one." I stared at him in horror. "And I'll bet that regularly, no matter how she's dressed, she is mistake for your sister." Stacey gave him a bug-eyed nod.

"But I'm not..." I didn't know what I was, except confused. "But I'm not gay, I mean, I like girls" I looked at Tabitha "I like them a lot" She giggled and licked her lips "But you're saying that..."

"That maybe you are one of those people that isn't really a boy or a girl." I felt dizzy, and grabbed Tabitha for support. We stared at Howard. "For a debating competition last year I was given the topic of gay and lesbian student organizations in high schools. Because the clubs were usually described by an acronym, GBLT, which stood for gay, bisexual, lesbian, and transgendered, I had to look up a lot of definitions." He stared at me.

"Bisexual means that an individual is sexually attracted to members of both sexes. Transgendered means that a person who is genetically of one sex is psychologically of the opposite sex." He looked at me, and I started to shake. "And transgendered people could be either straight, bisexual, or gay." Stacey was looking at him with awe.

"I really didn't understand what they meant at the time, but now..."

"You mean I, I, you think I really want to be a girl..." I held onto Tabitha for dear life. "But I don't want..."

"I think that there are some who are chameleons, who are whatever they need to be. And I think you are one of them." Howard came over and easily gave both Tabitha and me a hug. I tried to shake free, but I found myself crying on his shoulder, being held by all three of them. And I didn't want to let go.

Stacey quietly pointed out that we were being eyed by mall security, and I reluctantly unwrapped myself from Howard and Tabitha. "Come on, Sis, lets freshen up your makeup and then do some shopping. Stacey and Tabitha dragged me into the nearest ladies' room, as Howard tried to suppress a snicker. He was waiting when we returned. I was almost pink with embarrassment.

"A lady was nursing her baby in there, and poor little Samantha almost hurt herself trying not to stare at her breasts." Stacey misjudged her escape, and bounced off Howard, which gave me a chance to swat her. That broke the tension, but my head was still spinning. Yet it made some sense. But what did it mean?

We all agreed that the clothes available at the shopping center stores were awful. Or not worth the price. And Howard was acting really nervous, like there was something bothering him that he didn't want to bring up. Tabitha suggested that we walk to a nearby charity shop, where she said she found a lot of "really neat stuff".

Thirty minutes later we were having a blast. Howard found a plaid shirt, some overalls, and a hat that turned him into a hayseed of the seediest order. Stacey had squeezed herself into a beautiful set of well-worn motorcycle leathers that left little to the imagination. One set of jack-boots, and a bandanna, and she looked straight out of a B movie. She kept sniffing the old leather and -- I would swear -- purring.

But it was Tabitha that really got everyone's attention. She had found a long black silk gothic outfit with a built-in corset, and some ridiculously high heeled boots that it took me five minutes to lace on. But with her silver-white hair and pale complexion, she looked like a fairy queen or a witch out of some fantasy movie.

Tabitha had to change back to her original clothes before I would quit drooling. "Now what about you?" I looked at myself, and shrugged. She held up a slinky little black dress and curled her finger at me. I tried to escape, but Stacey blocked my path.

They had to find me underwear that matched the dress, since any movement caused something else to show. I minced out of the dressing room wearing a pair of too-tight stiletto heels, and trying to keep the tiny skirt pulled down below the garters they had made me wear. Both Howard and Tabitha looked like cats, with me as the mouse du jour. Everything wiggled and wobbled as I moved, and the elastic panties they had found me were rubbing me in a very distracting way. When Howard pulled me against him, and held me close while softly squeezing my butt, I got an incredible rush, and lost it.

He had to kiss me to keep the volume down. I bucked and moaned and ground myself against him. And kissed him with every bit of passion I could muster. When I finally came back to my senses, I was locked in Howard's embrace, and was being watched carefully by Stacey and Tabitha, who looked jealous. I stared to panic, but Howard whispered in my ear "it's okay" and then nibbled my earlobe. It almost happened again, but I managed to keep in touch with what was happening.

They made me buy the outfit, saying it needed cleaning. Howard would not let me go. After I struggled briefly, I decided he was warm and safe so I quit fighting and enjoyed the weird sensations zinging through my system. Stacey and Tabitha collected a whole cart full of girls' clothes for me, and I was surprised when Howard insisted on buying the outfit I was wearing. Stacey paid for the rest, including the leather outfit, with Dad's credit card.

I managed to get their attention. "Um, if either of our parents finds me dressed like this, none of us will live through the evening." So back to the dressing room with some of the new clothes.

Stacey was going to pay dearly for her part in this. I was dressed in what they called a jumper, with frilly white ankle socks, and a pair of funny looking shoes. Tabitha brushed out my hair and then braided it into pigtails. When I looked in a mirror, I screeched. "I look like a teenybopper wannabee!" All three of them were having trouble keeping a straight face.

"Bet we can get you into the theater at half-price."

""Nope, she's to young for anything but G rated stuff."

"You can't do this to me!" Howard came over and patted me on the head. "Stacey, your little sister is getting cranky. Is it time for her nap? OUCH!"

He hopped around holding his shin. Stacey snickered, then looked at her watch.

"Hey, we're supposed to have been meeting parents half an hour ago!" I had to ignore how I was dressed as we quickly packed up and headed back to the shopping center.

"I feel ridiculous dressed like this!"

"But you make such a cute little kid."

"I want to be her baby-sitter." I almost tripped when Tabitha spoke up. "That way I can spank her when she's naughty." Howard grabbed me before I ran into a parking meter. The expression on Tabitha's face was indecipherable. I had the strange feeling she actually meant what she said.

We slowed down and made sure that there was no really incriminating evidence visible before we approached the meeting place. The two mothers were there, looking highly peeved. Tabitha whispered something in my ear, and I giggled. "Time to confuse the issue." Stacey and Howard just looked at me. "Play it by ear."

I ran ahead, then skipped up to mom like I looked, a pre-teen airhead. "Mommy, I had so much fun shopping with my friends." Unfortunately the high voice came out all to realistic. "I got this groovy outfit" I swirled around and hugged myself. "It makes me feel so pretty. All the other girls will be jealous."

I bounced up and down like I had seen a lot of little girls do. The effect was incredible. Their prepared lectures disappeared in an instant. Mrs. Adkins stood there in shock, and Mom looked like she was seeing things. I hugged Mom just like my sister used to when she was little.

"See, I told you she would make a great little sister." Stacey gave us both a hug. Tabitha finally broke down in giggles, and Howard held onto a planter, laughing himself silly.

Finally Mrs. Adkins started to sputter. "How-WARD, what is going on here..." She was trying to be stern, but her voice cracked. We looked at each other.

"Buy us some dinner and we'll explain." Mom looked at my grin.

"Did you plan this...?" She pointed at me, and I shook my head. "StaCEY!"

"Not me?"

Everyone looked at Tabitha. "Hey, it got everyone laughing again. Besides, it was Howard that found the outfit for her." He looked sheepish.

Mrs. Adkins spoke up. "Okay, You win. Before they come to collect us all with a net, let's get some food. Is Harvey's okay with everyone?" Stacey, Mom and I had never heard of the place, but were assured the food was good and there were private booths. I rode with Howard and his mom. She kept looking at me like I was possessed, but didn't say anything. Even when Howard snuggled me.

After ordering, there was an ominous silence. I dropped the little kid routine, which seemed to be driving both adults crazy, and stood up. "Mom, Mrs. Adkins, a lot has happened today, and much of it none of us really understand." Tabitha got up and hugged me. "I'm not gay, and there is no plot or anything involving Howard." Mrs. Adkins looked skeptical.

"Howard thinks I'm some sort of strange chameleon, that I take whatever role, boy or girl, that best fits the situation. And that I do it unconsciously." I let that sink in. "He also thinks, based on some research he did for a debate, that I'm maybe something they call a transsexual, a person who is biologically male with a female personality. I'm not sure, but it would explain why, regardless of how I'm dressed, many people have always mistaken me for a girl."

Mom looked horrified. "Mom, it's not something you or Dad did." I looked at Mrs. Adkins "And it's not contagious." She seemed unimpressed. "But if Howard's right, and both Stacey and Tabitha think he is, then I've got a lot to learn about myself and what I want to become." I hugged Tabitha, and then went and hugged Howard. "But now I've got both a girlfriend and a boyfriend who care about me, and a goofy sister who would rather have a sister than a brother."

Stacey pulled me back into my seat and gave me a hug. "So please, don't fight about me. Just let me be me, okay?" Mom started to cry and displaced Stacey as she held me. Mrs. Adkins was holding her son. We got some weird looks when the waitress appeared with our food.

We ate quietly for a while. "Samantha, Howard is my son, a boy, and soon to be a man." Mrs. Adkins was staring at me. "You may look like a girl, and act like one, but you aren't built for..., I mean you can't..." She turned red.

"No, I am all boy where it's important." Tabitha gave me a thumbs-up, which got a startled look from Mom. "And I have no intention of changing that." Mom looked relieved, and Howard stopped eating and took on a greenish tinge for a moment. I looked at Mom.

"In your lectures on growing up, you pointed out that there is far more to a relationship than just jumping into bed. Heck, I'm not even fifteen, and if I have sex with anyone before I'm sixteen Dad will strangle me." Stacey giggled, and I would swear I heard Tabitha mumble, "Drat".

"So quit worrying. Please? My life is confused enough without everyone worrying that I'm corrupting--" I looked at Mrs. Adkins "-- or being corrupted by --" I looked at Mom "my friends." I sat down and started to shake. Tabitha and Howard moved in and gave me a joint snuggle. And Howard snitched most of my fries.

Before we left, Howard begged for his mom to let me tutor him in calculus and physics on Sunday, and offered me help with my English assignments in trade. This I liked. It was finally agreed that I would be dropped off at Howard's house early in the day, and one of his parents would bring me home after dinner. Before we left, I gave both Tabitha and Howard hugs and kisses. Real ones. And didn't hold back. My brain was warm and fuzzy the whole way home.

Mom made me promise not to pull the little girl routine on Dad, but the outfit caused quite a stir anyway. Mom and Dad disappeared after sending Stacey and me to bed. I donned the now familiar nightgown, and let the feeling of it's softness surround me. Soon I was snuggled up with Stacey on the motorhome couch, and slipped quietly to sleep.

In the morning Stacey helped me dress, after making me shower and remove all excess hair. This time I looked pretty much like a local teenager. Sort of Laura Ashley with an attitude. And she made me do some of my own makeup. Dad looked really unhappy, and Mom told me not to ask. So I just gave him a kiss on the cheek, and told him I loved him. It didn't help. I felt bad about all the trouble I was causing.

Howard's house was almost as big as Tabitha's. He was waiting in the drive for me, and said his father wanted to meet me before we started. He looked nervous. "Um, does he know?" He nodded.

"Mom and Dad were up half the night talking. Dad doesn't believe her, and thinks my hormones are doing my thinking for me." He paused, and gave me a hug. "Dad is a girl-watcher of the worst order. I guess I sort of take after him." He sounded unhappy. "And he can't believe that I could have an emotional attraction to a, to quote him, female impersonator. But he's not dumb either, and wants to meet you before he decides I've lost my marbles."

I stopped in my tracks. "Um, I'm not going to get pounded by him or anything like that..." Pictures of my bloodied remains ran through my head.

Howard snickered. "No. He's not like that. If anything, he would decide we are both nut cases and offer to pay for our psychiatric care. He comes on strong, but he's really just a big teddy bear in wolf's clothing." He paused again. "Unless it a business deal. Then he goes for the jugular." We headed inside.

Mr. Adkins was impressive. Make that scary. He was an older, and bigger, Howard. He did a doubletake when he saw me, then looked me over carefully, shaking his head. "Dad, meet Samantha McNeil. Samantha, meet my father, Harold Adkins, founder and president of Adkins Industries." We carefully shook hands. Or should I say I shook his paw. There were creepies crawling around in my stomach. He looked like he could use me for a toothpick.

"Howard, please bring us some refreshments." Howard hurried off, and Mr. Adkins escorted me into what looked like a library. He offered me a seat in a big leather chair, and occupied a bigger one himself. Howard appeared with coffee for him, and a diet Pepsi for me. His father thanked him, and waved him out of the room.

I got real nervous, and started to squirm, and look for a way out. "Please, I don't bite." I froze. "But I am very concerned about what my wife has told me about the, well, relationship between you and Howard." I felt like a prisoner being interrogated. "Despite your appearance, my wife assures me that you are really a boy..." His voice was questioning.

"My real name is Samuel, and yes, I'm a boy." I paused "At least genetically." He arched his eyebrows.

"She also says that you claim not to be gay, yet according to both Howard and her you are emotionally, and physically, attracted to Howard." His stare hardened. "And Howard says he shares the same attraction to you." He got up and paced. "I may be from the old school, where boys were boys and only dated girls, but even with today's so-called liberal ideas about sex, what is going on between you and my son seems rather, well, odd?"

"Would it make any difference if I was gay?" He stopped pacing, and looked at me. "Howard likes girls, not boys. So please quit worrying about him on that score." I got up, and swirled slowly around.

"What do you see?"

"You look like most of the teenage girls today, perhaps a bit more conservatively dressed."

"Do I move and act and sound like a boy or girl." He frowned.

"I'm still not certain that you really are a boy." He coughed. "I've studied women all my life, and you look and act just like any other girl, but..."

"So if Howard is like you, would it surprise you to find that he is attracted to a girl like me who is at least as bright as he is, and who likes him?"

I could watch the wheels skidding as he thought. "But he knows you are not a girl..."

I slowly sat back down. "Several days ago I would have agreed with you. But I'm getting a really fast lesson in reality. WHAT I am is a boy. But WHO I am is subject to argument." He sat down, hard. "Did your wife tell you about Howard's chameleon theory?" He nodded. "Did she tell you I also have a girlfriend?" He nodded.

"She says she's not a lesbian, and is not attracted at all to other girls, but I make her tingle all over." He looked confused. "And I'm not trying to act like a girl, or anything. All I wanted when this whole thing began was to be left alone, and keep my hair, and be treated like a person."

I stood up again. My frustration was finally getting to me, and I raised my voice. "Look, Howard is my friend, and I'm beginning to think that if I have anything to say about it, my boyfriend. If you think I am going to harm him, tell me to leave. But I have done nothing wrong, and neither has he. What we feel for each other is between us." I drew myself up to all five feet of me. "Maybe someday I will know who, or what, I am. But I am not going to stop living because I'm different."

We stared at each other. Mr. Adkins got up and, without a word, went out of the room.

I felt my bravado evaporate, and as I sank into the chair I curled up into a ball. It was not fair. All I wanted was to be me. And have friends like Tabitha and Howard who cared. I missed hearing the door open or anyone come in.

"Samantha, are you okay?" There was fear in Howard's voice as he picked me up and held me. I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face against his neck. He held me softly until I quit crying.

Someone handed me a box of tissues, and I managed to remove what little makeup remained. Mr. and Mrs. Adkins were staring at the two of us.

"Howard, take your friend to your room, and study. And stay out of each other's underwear. Your mother and I have agreed that we don't understand this at all, so we are bringing in a specialist on Monday. " They hugged each other, and looking concerned, left the room. Howard wasted no time dragging me up to his.

"A specialist?" Howard looked disgusted.

"Prepare to have your head shrunk. If I know Dad, there will be a small army of psychiatrists waiting for us when we get out of school on Monday. Probably carrying straight jackets and nets."

"You're kidding."

"Only about the nets..."

A knock on the door signaled his mother bringing up my backpack and books, and a tray of snacks and sodas. When she left, I carefully picked up the tray and studied it. Howard gave mw a quizzical look. "Checking for bugs."

After Howard quit laughing, we started munching and homework. Several hours later I was feeling really okay for the first time. "Ahh... calculus and physics. Subjects that finally make some sense!" Howard gave me a haggard look.

"Now I agree with my parents, you seriously need help. What about English?" It was my turn to groan. "Let's see that paper you were trying to write." It got deep fast.

Howard finally leaned back, and shook his head. "You are sure they taught English at your last school, not Chinese?" I nodded sadly. He had finally found a paragraph he liked. On the third page. "Well, with the corrections it should get you a passing grade. You don't need a psychiatrist, you need an English teacher."

I stuck my tongue out at him. And found it between his lips. Every nerve ending I had left went into overload, and I pounced on him and snuggled. That was how his mother found us when she came to tell us it was dinner time. I was asleep in his arms with my face buried against his neck. He was snoring through my hair. After she freaked, and we woke up, we assured her that nothing inappropriate had happened. She held her head as she left.

Dinner was quietly stressful. Howard and I wanted to hold hands, and his parents wanted to put us in separate cages. So we wound up seated on opposite sides of the table. Grr.... But the steak was wonderful, and I wanted the recipe for the carrots. I was too full for dessert, and Mrs Adkins reminded both of us that we had school tomorrow. "Howard, you have practice all week." He smiled.

"Samantha and I are going to study together this coming weekend. Probably with Tabitha, Steve, and a couple of other kids."

"I know Steve, but who is Tabitha?"

"Samantha's girlfriend." I could almost hear the gears clashing.

"But I thought she, you..." there was a pause "Harold!"

Her husband gave her a hug. "I know, add another person to the list of loonies." I looked at Howard for help. All he could do was shake his head.

Mrs. Adkins dropped me off at home, and spent several minutes conferring with Mom and Dad. Stacey dragged me out to the motorhome and, pestered me until I gave her a kiss-by-kiss account of what had transpired. "Ahh, so that is what all those telephone calls were about. Mom and Dad were playing secret agent over the telephone, and kept chasing me off all afternoon."

When I told her about Howard's comments concerning shrinks and straight-jackets, she giggled. "Nope, you won't get locked up that easily. Dad got a call from the movers, and our stuff will be here by the weekend. So forget studying."

"If I don't, Howard won't pass, and they will throw me out of English."

"Try to tell Mom and Dad that." I decided on a shower and going to bed early.

Monday was a Monday. I found I was the discussion topic of the week, along with upcoming mid-terms and plans for the Christmas dance. Mostly I got stared at. Howard, Stacey, Tabitha, and another huge guy, who turned out to be Howard's friend Steve, insulated me from the crowd at lunch. When I informed Howard that I would be spending my weekend helping move furniture, Steve snickered.

"Right, like one chair at a time. What you need is a real man to do the work." He flexed a bicep larger than Howard's, and Stacey giggled. Tabitha saw the sad look on my face and gave me a hug.

"Don't tease Sam. Not everyone has more muscle than brains." Steve looked sheepish.

"Sorry, I wasn't making fun of what you are, it's just that..." Howard silenced him with a look.

"Samantha, Steve didn't mean any harm, but he's right. Which gives me an idea. What if we show up at your place early on Saturday? I might be able to get a few more guys from the team to join in. We can move more in an hour than your whole family could in two days." I thought for a moment. "Then maybe, please, you could help us with our homework?"

I looked at Stacey, who was nodding furiously. "Well, if my Mom and Dad agree, and Tabitha can keep me company while you muscle-bound types get all hot and sweaty..." Tabitha stuck her tongue in my ear for an answer. I would swear that Stacey looked jealous.

Tabitha and I managed to stagger out of the changing together room after aerobics. I didn't even bother to change clothes, just shoes. Celia, one of the older girls who had so badly scared me that first day came staggering over. "Um, Samantha?" I looked at her and tried to get nervous, but was too tired. "Your chest?"

I tried to look down, but Tabitha's "OOPS!" startled me. Together they dragged me back into the changing room. I cringed when I looked in the mirror. One of the breast forms had slipped out of the bra, and I now had a nipple in the vicinity of my navel. I turned red when Tabitha reached down inside the leotard, retrieved the errant blob, and put everything back where it belonged.

Celia stayed with us as we headed back in the direction of the busses. "Um, I was sort of a late bloomer, and well, my mom bought me a really fancy pair of those, which you can glue on, and if you'd like I'll give them to you, cause I don't need them any more." I stared at her. "I mean, they feel almost real, and work great till yours grow..." She stopped when I froze, looking startled. "Well, I know you're really a boy, but the older people like you I saw on TV all had real breasts, and I figured..." Tabitha held me as I slowly sank to the floor in shock.

"It's okay, Celia, I don't think Sam was thinking about growing breasts, and she's had a really rough weekend." They both helped me to my feet. Celia looked really upset.

"I'll be okay in a moment." They urged me towards the busses. "What older ones like me?"

"I saw them on some talk shows. Something called trans... transvestites, I think. Like in the 'Rocky Horror Picture Show'." She detoured to her bus, and Tabitha managed to get me to ours without incident.

I wound up holding Tabitha and crying. Stacey got up and joined us, and helped hold me till we reached Tabitha's bus stop. We wound up getting off together. "Why is everyone making my life so hard?" I whimpered at them.

"Mostly you are making it hard on yourself." I stared at Tabitha. "Look, you knew that you would be the center of a lot of controversy when you decided to show up as a girl. And a lot has happened to make it more difficult. But you're assuming that everyone else knows what you are thinking. And what you are." She gave me a hug. "But you don't even know what you are. So don't expect others to magically understand."

Her comments hurt. I looked to Stacey for support. Bad move. She was nodding in agreement. They dragged me towards Tabitha's house as I tried to digest this latest revelation.

We were met by an older woman who Tabitha introduced as her housekeeper and conscience, Anne. "Mom and Dad are overseas doing something for the government, so Anne keeps track of me." She looked sad. "They were supposed to be home for Christmas, but now it looks like they won't be back until spring." Stacey hugged her. She suddenly started to run, and we chased her upstairs to her room.

There were tears in her eyes, and her fists were clenched. Tabitha's façade crumbled. Stacey and I wound up putting Tabitha on her bed, and holding her between us as the floodgates opened. While we lay there, I pondered my situation.

I had a family, and now friends. Everyone seemed to think I was crazy or sick, but unless I thought about it, I really felt good about myself. I squeezed closer to Tabitha. I wondered how long it had been since she was able to let herself go. I suddenly realized how much it meant to have Stacey as my sister. Even if she liked me better as Samantha.

Finally Tabitha stopped crying and managed to make "need tissues" motions. I got up and found a box, which she used repeatedly. She looked at us through red eyes. "I'm sorry, it gets all built up and then..."

"That's what friends are for." She wrapped her arms around me and held me while she shook. Stacey hugged the both of us.

Stacey remembered to call home and leave a message that we were at Tabitha's house. Tabitha tried to convince us she was okay and that we should just leave her alone. We weren't buying it. And when we refused to leave she grabbed me and had another crying spell. We were finally interrupted by an intercom, which announced that dinner would be ready in five minutes. A flurry of face washing and straightening, and none of us looked too scary when we went downstairs.

Dinner was sort-of formal, but simple. Anne was a decent cook, but Mom was much better. After dinner we returned to Tabitha's room to study. And found out that we were only in her bedroom. A door led to another room, sort of like a small library, with a fancy computer and all sorts of other neat toys. "Mom and Dad thought this would help make things better while they were gone." She sounded bitter. I wondered if they ever gave her hugs.

The computer looked interesting. She saw me staring, and asked if I wanted to give it a try. "They got me a really fast connection." Fast was an understatement. I was quickly lost in surfing the web. On a whim, I typed in "Transgendered", what Howard had thought I was, into a search engine.

Stacey and Tabitha came over to see why I was crying. And stared at the screen. I wound up back in Tabitha's arms while Stacey looked over what I had found. Finally she shut down the computer, and looked at me. "Mom and Dad need to know." She paused. "So does Howard."

"I'm some sort of weird freak. They'll put me in a cage and throw me peanuts, or take me apart to see what went wrong, or... " "Eeyahaa!" I went almost straight up when Tabitha reached up under my skirt and goosed me.

"You WILL quit feeling sorry for yourself." I carefully checked to make sure my private parts were still intact. "I don't care if you are a transistor. And I'll bet that Howard doesn't either." Everything was still there, and I tried to ignore their snickers as I re-arranged things.

"But, but..." I found myself over Tabitha's lap. With my skirt up and her hand resting maddeningly on my barely-covered bottom.

"One more complaint and your butt will belong to me." All I could manage was a whimper. I didn't want to get spanked like a little kid, but her hand felt so... good. "Now be a good little girl and lets figure out what we are going to do, okay?" She patted my bottom and I quivered, which made her giggle. "Naughty naughty"

Stacey was having trouble staying on her chair, or breathing. "Okay, you two, knock it off." Tabitha let me up, and I quickly got my skirt down and managed to get the gaff painfully back into place again.

"Tabitha, do you have a phone I can use?" One appeared almost magically from under a pile of stuffed animals. Stacey dialed home. "Hi Mom." She pulled the telephone away from her ear. We could hear the shouting. She put her hand over the mouthpiece. "Howard's parents psychiatrist called them and..." "Yes Mom, Samantha's fine. No, she hasn't threatened to hurt herself. No, she doesn't carry a knife. No, there are no pills she can take." It sounded like Mom had been reading the same materials I found.

"Mom, she's fine. We've had dinner and are getting ready to do some studying. You want to have her WHAT!" Tabitha and I jumped at the emphasis in her voice. "No way, I'm not letting you do that to her." I started to panic, but Tabitha grabbed me. "She's not a danger to herself or others." Mom had been reading the same stuff. "Mom, please, quit worrying. If she starts acting funny we will tie her up and call for help, okay?" I made a crazy face and circling motions near my ear, and Tabitha giggled. Stacey held the phone like it was contaminated. "Mom, can I talk to Daddy for a moment? I promise not to hang up while you get him."

"Mom's gone off the deep end. She's the one who needs a padded room and a shrink." Stacey and I were all to familiar with Mom's sudden attacks of paranoia. Stacey looked at me. "Samantha, relax, Mom will calm down in a day or two, she always does.

"Remember the botulism scare? She threw out almost every can in the house. And then there was kidnapping scare, and the..." She waived at me to be quiet.

"Hi Daddy. Yes, Samantha is fine. Mom is having another of her bouts of being over-protective? No duh. WHAT?!!!. No way. A straight-jacket?" We stared at Stacey. "You want to know if we can safely keep Samantha away from the house until you can get Mom calmed down?" Stacey looked at Tabitha, who was nodding furiously. "Sure, I'll ask."

She covered the telephone. "Dad wants to know if Sam could stay here tonight, and maybe for a couple of days until Mom has returned to her senses. Apparently she's already had a medical place send her a straight-jacket for Sam, and Dad's been on the phone with the shrink that Howard's parents called, hoping to get Mom some tranquilizers." I looked at the ceiling and shook my head in disgust.

"I'll go ask Anne, but she'll be happy I have another girl over for a sleep-over, even it it's for a couple of nights. And Samantha can wear some of my clothes for school tomorrow, 'cause we're about the same size." She headed out of the room at a run, with a big grin on her face.

"Dad, Tabitha is checking, but thinks it's okay. Is it safe for me to come home? Good. You'll have a cab pick me up? Oh, you don't want Mom to know where Sam is. You don't want to leave her alone? Oh, you are going to take the phone away. Just a moment." Tabitha was running back into the room.

"Anne says she can stay as long as she needs. I told her that Samantha's mom was having a stress type medical emergency, and that her dad wanted to keep Samantha out of the line of fire." I gave Tabitha a sort-of high-five, and a hug.

"Dad, Tabitha says Sam can stay as long as she needs to. Yes, she. No, she doesn't, and we're not going to tell her. Yes, I'll warn Sam to stay out of her bed." Tabitha stuck her tongue out at Stacey. "Mom is getting ready to what? I'll call the cab and you can pay them when they get there. 'Bye."

Stacey put the phone down and rubbed her ear. "Mom was trying to get the car keys he had taken away. Something about going searching for her daughter who desperately needed her help. And she was carrying the straight-jacket." She shook her head. "If anyone winds up in a straight-jacket it's going to be Mom. And Dad needs the tranquilizers. Is there a decent cab company? 'Cause I need to get home and help Dad."

Fifteen minutes later we watched as a cab sped away with my sister. Anne was being really sympathetic, even though she had no clue what was happening. Tabitha and I headed back up to her room. "About that warning to stay out of my bed..." She licked my ear, and I quivered.

But I managed to pull away before I gave in. "We have a lot of homework to do first." She gave me a raspberry, but backed off and said she would go get some refreshments.

It was almost ten-thirty when we finally closed the last book. "Michener is BORING!"

I looked at her. "Did he say anything important in the last fifty pages?" She shook her head.

"If I wanted a travel guide, I would buy one. And we have to finish that thing by the end of next week?" I managed to nod. And sniffed myself.

"Um, I need a shower, and to rinse out my exercise stuff..." She grew a Cheshire-cat grin.

It was the biggest bathtub I had ever seen. Tabitha brought in four big towels, two pairs of panties, and two silky nightgowns. "Um, some privacy please?" she snickered, and took off her clothes. While I was busy staring greedily, she peeled me out of mine.

"If we don't get out of the water we'll be prunes for days." Tabitha was resting her head on my chest, which was just under the water. She gave me a contented look, and nodded.

"Rinse my back?" I was more than happy to oblige.

"You're sure you won't..." She rubbed a very soft and naked body against me. I shook my head.

"We're only fourteen, and I promised my Mom and Dad I wouldn't until I was at least sixteen. Besides, it's got to recover. She looked down, and giggled. Everything was shriveled up so small that I almost looked like a girl. She tossed me a pair of the panties.

We wound up entwined under her covers. I knew I wasn't supposed to be sleeping with her, but it felt so right. Kinda like sleeping with my sister, but better.

I woke up to Tabitha laughing her head off. I was tangled up in a pile of sheets and blankets, trying to find who put the police siren in her room. "Oops, forgot to warn you about my alarm clock." She reached over and shut off something. "Anne got it for me after I kept oversleeping." She stretched as I untangled myself. There was no question that I was awake. I made a mad dash to the bathroom.

We caught the bus t together. We were so close in size that I got to search her vast collection for what I wanted to wear. The long skirt and soft sweater felt great, and Tabitha had put the breast forms in padded bra that gave me quite a figure. For some reason I was really relaxed and calm. And smiled as I remembered our games in the tub. Mom would not approve. So what.

I thought about Howard, and nothing tingled, at least not in the same way. I hoped he would be at school today so I could find out what happened yesterday.

Howard and Stacey met us at the school, and looked relieved when I got off the bus. "Samantha, your mother..."

I nodded. "I stayed at Tabitha's last night. So what happened?" He stared at both of us, and we both grinned. He looked pained.

"You two, I mean...." We grinned more.

"Aarrgghhhh!" He looked really frustrated. We headed into the school as he brought us up to date. "Anyway, the psychiatrist told them that kids like you are usually really disturbed and unhappy, and most try to kill themselves unless they get a lot of professional help, so my mom called your mom, and..." The warning bell rang.

"Finish the story at lunch. Okay?" I nodded, and Tabitha and I headed for class. The few unpleasant comments did absolutely nothing to diminish the warm glow I was carrying.

We all met up at lunch. The school nurse had pulled me out of my second class to check on me, and when I explained about Mom's paranoid episodes, she told me it was not that uncommon. I agreed to tell her if I got stressed out or really upset. She agreed to try to deflect my mother if she showed up.

Stacey looked really tired. "Mom and Dad were up late arguing, and I had to help Dad keep her calmed down. He finally got her to bed about two." We nodded in sympathy. And this morning he is taking her to see someone to try and get her something to calm her down." She looked beat. We all gave her a hug.

Howard picked up where he left off. "... Dad finally got Mom to shut up, and they wanted to know what I thought, so I told them that you were really stressed, mostly because other people were bugging you, but that you had made no threats or anything like that And I pointed out that I was plenty big to keep Samantha from doing anything to herself when I was present." We all nodded. "That's about it. They have offered to pay for you to get counseling because we are, as they put it, close friends." I went over and sat on his lap, and gave him a soft kiss.

Stacey finally pulled us apart. "Hey, I'm the one without a steady boyfriend." She tried to look jealous, then giggled. "Or girlfriend. So quit making out in front of me, okay?" We collectively gave her a hug.

"Samantha, what do you want to do?" Howard was looking at me. "The psychiatrist said that there was way too little information to make a real diagnosis, but that even he was unaware of someone your age that was, well, so obviously neither. Or is it both?" I sat and thought quietly.

"Nothing." Howard almost choked on his drink. "I don't know why, but I'm mostly okay with whatever I am right now." I nibbled on a cookie. "The only problems I'm having are because other people don't understand me. So I get all upset trying to be what others want me to be. Kinda like my hair. Or kissing Howard."

"To them it's wrong because they don't understand, or they're afraid. But all they want to do is make me what they think I should be. Which is not what is going to work for me."

Everyone was staring at me. "So, does that make sense?" Howard picked me up and set me on his lap, then gave me a far-from-neutral kiss. As I tingled all the way to my toes, he set me next to Tabitha, who repeated the process. The bell rang, and I had to be propelled towards my next class. I wanted to go home and snuggle. Who cared about physics, anyway?

During aerobics, a messenger from the office gave me a note saying I could should stay at Tabitha's again tonight. Tabitha and I were playing kissing games in the changing room when Celia interrupted us. "Hey, like quit making everyone else jealous." We looked around and realized we were the object of everyone's attention. We quickly separated. "And here is what I promised you, plus some others things that might help you that I don't need anymore." She handed me a rather large bag.

I was thanking her when she advised that if we didn't hurry, we would miss the bus. At Tabitha's, Anne told us that dinner would be early, so we headed upstairs, and despite my protestations that snuggles were more important, started on our homework.

We were quietly digesting dinner, while reading the latest English assignment when Tabitha's phone rang. "Hello? Oh, hi Stacey. Sure, just a moment." She handed me the phone.

"Hi sis. WHAT?" Tabitha looked at me in alarm. "Oh, not that kind of evaluation. Tomorrow evening at Howard's?" I looked at Tabitha, who didn't look happy. "Mom and Dad won't be there. He wants to meet with Tabitha also? Let me check."

"The psychiatrist that Howard's parents found wants to talk to me, and you, and Howard tomorrow evening. My dad has already given his permission, and they've got Mom on some really cool tranquilizers. Stacey says it sounds safe enough, and Howard has promised that no one will do anything without his agreement."

"Why me?"

"Because you're emotionally involved with me." I stroked her hair. "And they are all worried about me." She got a wet look in her eyes.

"Okay, but only if they agree to let me bring you home with me."

"Stacey, Tabitha will come but only if I can go home with her. Okay, I'll wait." I covered the receiver. "She's checking with Dad." "It's okay? Then we'll go there after school. Hey, doesn't Howard have practice? Oh, he's going to skip one so he can be there. Sounds good. And tell Dad that I'm not stressed, and am feeling fine. Love you. 'Bye."

I crossed my eyes when I got off the phone. "Did you ever get the feeling that the monkeys were on the outside looking in? She nodded, and closed up our books. I did not object at all when she said it was time to bathe and go to bed.

Wednesday was dull, except for the class on deportment. We collected in groups of three, and each girl was required to record what the others did right and wrong through a series of scenarios. When everyone was finished, and the scores tallied, the teacher was shaking her head.

"Samantha, this is, well, unbelievable." She held up my score card. "You scored better than average, yet you claim that you have never tried to be a girl." She paused. "How much time have you been spending practicing?"

"Um, ma'am, what do you mean practicing? I'm learning how to do my own makeup and hair..." Her eyebrows went up.

"I mean in acting and responding like a girl your age. This is what I would expect from someone born a girl, and raised in polite society." I wondered what was happening, when Tabitha spoke up.

"Ma'am, I know what happened." Everyone looked at her. She stood up and came over to me. "Samantha is sort of like a chameleon, she becomes a part of her surroundings. I bet she moves and acts just like me." The teacher pulled out Tabitha's score card, stared, and walked slowly to the chalk board. When she finished writing, there were a lot of mumbles.

Our sheets were almost identical. I hugged Tabitha. "Well, so much for using her for the class project." We looked at the teacher, and I smiled. Suddenly a startled look crossed her face. "Um, does this mean that when a boy walks by you...?" Every girl in the class stared at her. She realized what she said and turned red. For some reason it didn't bother me.

"Hey, if he's cute, I look." That got a lot of giggles, and a few snickers from the other girls. "And I do have a weekend date with Howard and Steve from the football team." That was the end of the class. Our teacher simply went back to her desk and sat there. The comments ranged from "God, They're hunks!" to "You mean they're gay?"

I answered that comment by getting up on a stool and shouting to get their attention. "If Howard hugged you, and treated you nice, and you were the only one able to tutor both of them in calculus and physics, would you say they were gay?" There was silence. Besides, how many of you think of me as a boy."

One of the hecklers spoke up. "Oh shoot... she's right."

"And they're not getting into my undies, so don't get upset. A girl like me has to maintain her reputation." I tried a vamp, and fell off the stool. The teacher slid off her chair trying to stifle a laugh. Tabitha hugged me, and gave me a very un-lady-like kiss. I came up for air, and announced "Besides, I'm a lesbian, remember?" Any semblance of sanity departed the class at that point.

At lunch I had to fight to save a place for Howard, who was late. He looked dazed. "My parents are going to drive me nuts. I just got a call that Mom is blaming Dad for not providing a proper father image, and Dad wants to talk business with Samantha while she is waiting to talk to that psychiatrist." He pulled a sandwich out of his lunch bag and tried to take a bite without unwrapping it. "Yeech, this tastes like..." He looked at the teeth marks in the baggy. "Er, plastic?"

Everyone at the table was snickering. He carefully extracted the sandwich and started eating. "Business?" Howard nodded.

"I don't have a clue. But that's what Mom said. And she wants to talk to Tabitha." I looked at Tabitha, and she shrugged.

Ms. Kormansky, must have been a drill sergeant in a previous life. For the French Foreign Legion. I was soaked in sweat. Celia and another girl needed help changing, and when it registered that I was the one helping them, they blushed, but were too pooped to panic. Celia was right, she didn't need any padding for her bra. "Thup" Something landed near me. "Quit staring." Tabitha had tried to throw a shoe, but missed. But she was smiling.

At the bus, Howard took one look at us, and then a sniff, and decided to sit across the aisle. At his house he directed us to his bathroom, and tossed in several towels. "You two are not fit for human company. My dirty sweats smell better after a game." I would have hit him, but I needed to hold on to Tabitha for support. "I'll tell Mom you two are getting cleaned up." He held his nose and closed the door.

Tabitha started to giggle. "Wait till his mom realizes we're in here together." I managed a laugh. It hurt.

We decided, mainly because we were exhausted, to make the shower fast. Tabitha rolled up our exercise gear, and stuffed it in the plastic bag she carried in her pack. "We can brush our hair downstairs."

"You can lift a brush?" We looked really innocent, no makeup or anything, as we came out of the bathroom and ran straight into Mrs. Adkins, who tried to say something, but it seemed to get stuck in her throat.

Tabitha hugged me, which almost knocked me over. "What's wrong with two girls taking a shower together?" That caused Mrs. Adkins to mumble something about a migraine, and invite us downstairs to meet the psychiatrist.

We were expecting a bearded old man with thick glasses and a notepad. The fairly young woman, who was introduced as a Dr. Hardwick, came as a complete surprise. Howard was sitting there with his father, and Mrs. Adkins told us that we would have dinner after everyone was finished. The woman looked Tabitha and me over carefully, and smiling, asked Howard into his father's study. Mrs. Adkins almost dragged Tabitha in the direction of what I surmised was the kitchen, leaving me nervously with Mr. Adkins.

He seemed calm, which didn't help at all. He motioned me to a couch, and pulled up a chair facing me. "Samantha, neither my wife or I understand this at all. But Dr. Hardwick says that you are not sick or demented, and that the only danger to Howard would be if you were stringing him along." He took a deep breath. "Which I don't think you are doing." He looked at me expectantly.

"I wouldn't hurt Howard that way." He seemed to relax. A little. "He said you wanted to discuss business? I don't even know what your company does, and I'm like way too young to get a job..."

He chuckled. "My company designs and manages the construction of small factories from the ground up, and delivers them to clients ready to operate. When I mentioned to my chief design engineer that a freshman girl was tutoring my honors student son in calculus and physics, and I was afraid she was weird, I got a lecture pointing that, if the she was a he, I would be recruiting him for future employment." I stared at him.

"And it made me realize that I was letting my emotions and prejudices govern my response to you. So I owe you an apology." I got up and gave him a hug.

He seemed embarrassed, but continued after I sat back down. "Regardless of my fears that you might be a wolf in girl's clothing, the fact that you are so far ahead of your peers in math and science intrigues me. Have you thought about what you want to do after you graduate from high school?"

This was a subject free of emotional baggage, and one I had been pondering before the current crisis hit. "Well, I really like math, and I like to build things, so I had considered engineering, but Mom and Dad probably won't have the money to send me to that type of school, so I was going to see what kind of scholarships I could get, and follow them." I pulled my brush out and began trying to make sense of my hair. "Where we lived before, there really wasn't much except farmers and ranchers, and the air base. And there was no way I was going to join the military. So I asked my teachers, and they kept saying I was too young to make a decision."

I looked at my feet. "Most of them also said I was too wimpy to be an engineer, and some made jokes about my becoming a hairdresser or going into banking or something where I would not have to compete with the big boys." I looked at him. "So let me guess, you are about to tell me I should be a secretary, or something like that." It came out nasty, and I regretted it immediately. "I'm sorry, it's just that..."

"Don't apologize. I used to think that way too, until I met my chief design engineer. Whose name is Amelia." I stared at him, and he smiled. "After she made a complete fool of me, gave me a bunch of lessons in how not to be a chauvinist idiot, and then helped one of my competitors outbid me on several million dollars in contracts, I hired her. One of the best business decisions I have ever made." He got up and paced around. "She wants to meet you. At first I was dead against it, because you are, well...." He looked uncomfortable.

"But good business is based on intelligent decisions, not prejudices. So if you have no objections, I will have her get in touch with you. This is not a favor because of Howard. If you are as capable as it appears, you could have a very bright future ahead of you." He sat back down.

"You really want me to talk with her, don't you?" He nodded. I sat and thought. I was living day-to-day, and had forgotten about my future. "Okay, but not until this..." I waved all around me "This whole thing has been settled." He wholeheartedly agreed to that. We sat and discussed the various fields of engineering until Howard, looking like he was in a fog, was escorted out of the study by the psychiatrist. He went and got Tabitha, who looked ragged to be the next victim, and then disappeared without a word upstairs. Mr. Adkins excused himself, and suggested that I might want to do homework while I was waiting. It sounded like a good idea.

It was not too much later that Tabitha came out with the same foggy look, and motioned me into the study. I wondered for a moment if the straight-jacket Mom had ordered for me, along with a net, was waiting. And headed inside.

I was so drained by the time we were finished that Dr. Hardwick had to help me out of my chair and through the door. I managed to get to Howard and Tabitha, and collapse sobbing in their arms.

"Samantha are you okay?" I managed to both shake my head and nod at the same time.

"Just hold me, please..." He picked me up like a doll, and with Tabitha holding my hand, strode past his parents and carried me up to his room.

"Samantha, what's..." I managed to silence him with my hand

""No, no questions, no more questions, just hold me, please?" He held me as he stretched out on the bed, and Tabitha quickly joined us. I didn't want to think anymore. It was wrong. I was wrong. My life was wrong. Even what felt right was wrong.

I needed to get away from everyone. I was hurting my friends, my family. When Howard relaxed his grip, I jumped away from them and tried to get out of the room. I had the door open when something grabbed my ankle and I slammed into the carpet as I fell. So I started to scream and kick and fight to escape.

Howard landed on me, and pinned me so I couldn't move. He shouted something and I heard footsteps on the stairs. The "Oh My God" from his mother was mixed with him telling me everything would be all right. I heard the psychiatrist's voice, and in a moment felt a sharp stinging in my arm. Which was replaced by a weird, tingling rush, and everything faded out.

I felt someone stroking my face, and memories started to return. But they felt detached, and not threatening. Soon I became conscious of my being wrapped in something warm and snug, and I realized I had been given a shot of something to make me relax. I tried to move, and found I was firmly secured in whatever they had wrapped me in. "Hea, leb mea goo." It came out funny, and that made it really funny, and I started to giggle and wound up drooling on myself, and I just couldn't seem to get upset about anything.

"She's waking up, go get doctor Hardwick." I managed to open my eyes and look at Howard.

"Hiya. Kiff me." I think I made a funny face. "I meem giff meb a kiff." He started to chuckle, and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I tried to kiss him back, and wound up licking his face like a puppy. A very giggly puppy.

Dr. Hardwick came into view. "Don't try to talk Samantha, the medication will wear off shortly."

"Mefdicafun?" Then I remembered the shot and why I was feeling so goofy. "Iff Babiphfa hea?"

I felt someone snuggle up against me. "I've been here the whole time." Her face popped into view inches from mine. She leaned her head on my shoulder, which felt nice and warm. I closed my eyes and let the smell of her hair surround my mind.

I woke up again, this time to Tabitha whispering softly in my ear. The fog was gone, and my eyes popped open. "Have a good nap?" She stroked my face. When I tried to reach for her I found I was still secured. "You are going nowhere until we are all sure you are going to be okay." Dr. Hardwick and Dad came into view.

"Samantha, Dr. Hardwick called me and said that you had an emotional overload, and she had to give you a shot to calm you down." He looked really concerned. "She also gave you another medication she says will help keep you from getting upset easily." No wonder I felt pretty good. "Stacey is at home, keeping an eye on your mother. She said to send you a hug." I smiled.

"Your friends are very protective of you." Dr. Hardwick came back into view. She looked tired. "so, do you want to talk about what happened?"

It came pouring out, but without the pain I had felt before. My feelings of being a freak, of thinking I should not have been born, of being afraid I was hurting those I loved, and wanting to end the hurting. And I cried a lot and was snuggled by Tabitha and held by Howard. Both who refused to leave me while I let all my fears out.

I finally looked around for Dad. "You want a son, not someone who needs to be a girl."

"I have a child whom I love. Regardless of who she needs to be." That started another flood. After Howard helped me with some tissues, I looked at Dr. Hardwick.

"So you are going to have me locked up in a padded room somewhere, so I can't hurt myself?"

She shook her head. "I'm going to put you on some medication that will help keep you calm and collected. And you will be under someone's watchful eyes at all times for the next couple of weeks. But I really meant it earlier when I said you are one of the most emotionally together young people I have ever seen with problems similar to yours." She paused and looked at Dad. "Your daughter, for that is who she always has been, even if she didn't know it, is almost unique in my experience. Most young people whose gender does not match their biological sex are severely traumatized, and often clinically unstable. Samantha is neither."

"And she is not gay, or straight. I think Howard is correct. She is whatever her emotions tell her to be. So when she is with Tabitha, she becomes a sort of her mirror image. When she is with Howard, she reacts exactly like a girl experiencing young love." I turned red, and Howard kissed me.

"So I will try to locate for you a mental health professional in this area with expertise in gender identity disorders. Samantha will need help in learning about herself, and in deciding what she wants to be her future. Everyone who is close to her should get counseling to help them understand her, and to help them help her as she works to find herself."

She looked at me. "So are you ready to be unwrapped?" I nodded.

No wonder I couldn't move. I had been tightly wrapped in several sheets, then a blanket, with the whole package secured with a wrapping of elastic bandages, apparently from Howard's collection. Movement reminded me of another need, and I grabbed Tabitha for escort as I ran for the bathroom.

There, after taking care of very pressing business, I found it was almost five in the morning. "Tabitha, Anne must be worried sick..." She shook her head.

"Mrs. Adkins called her and explained what was happening. So I'm not in any trouble." We headed back to Howard's room. Dad seemed to be a bit more relaxed.

"Dr. Hardwick has given me a prescription for some medicine that I will have filled as soon as things open up this morning. She has also written an excuse for you, Howard, and Tabitha, covering school today." He paused. "She says that Howard and Tabitha are the best people to keep an eye on you, and I agree." I gave Howard a hug. "So until I hear otherwise, you belong to them. Mrs. Adkins says you both can stay with Howard as long as necessary." That got a three-way hug started. "I am going home to get some sleep."

Dad pried me loose from the others, and held me close. "Whatever, or whoever, you decide to be, I love you." There were tears in his eyes as he pulled away and slowly made his way out the door.

Dr. Hardwick decided to give me another shot before she left, and advised the others that I would act a bit goofy for a while. Tabitha's "How would we tell?" got all of us laughing. Howard remade his bed while I got pincushioned. The shot worked fast, and I turned into the India rubber girl. Someone had found both Tabitha and me nightgowns, I wound up between them. I think I giggled myself to sleep with my head on Howard's chest.

It was late afternoon when my bladder woke me up, and Howard did escort duty. Then my stomach growled. Tabitha decided to keep an eye on me, and shoed Howard off to his football practice. Mrs. Adkins seemed embarrassed when she found us locked lip to lip in a very close embrace. After many apologies, Tabitha volunteered us to help with the housecleaning. I was still a bit silly, and didn't have the sense to complain.

I was going to clobber Howard. He had complained about us after aerobics. We found he had a hamper full of football stuff that we both were sure could move on its own. We washed everything twice. With added disinfectant. Everything was folded, and we had even changed the bed and washed the sheets by the time Howard's dad brought him home. He wanted food. We made him shower and change first.

We decided to see if I was capable of thinking, and tried to do yesterday's homework. And it worked. Howard had been tackled hard, and was getting twinges in his back. Tabitha gave me an evil grin.

He was trying to study while I, wearing only a thin nightgown, sat on his butt and kneaded his back. And coached him on his math. Every time I rubbed myself against him, he moaned. I wasn't sure who was hornier. Probably Tabitha, who was working on her math, and muttering something about beefcake and her promises to stay a virgin.

When everyone was finally finished, Howard tried to chase us out so he could have some privacy. Fat chance. Apparently Tabitha had access to reading material Mom would not let in our house. We played with Howard for all of five minutes before he started to tremble, and I wound up with a face full of warm, sticky stuff. I almost went crazy when Tabitha insisted on doing the cleanup with her tongue. Howard seemed mortally embarrassed.

Howard politely declined to assist me as I played touchy-feelie with Tabitha's nerve endings. She lasted for about ten minutes. And crooned and quivered for at least five more while I teased the soft fur between her legs. Howard looked jealous, but I thought I understood why he was holding back.

Between Tabitha and Howard's ministrations I fell asleep with a smile.

In the morning we were rousted by Mrs. Adkins, and managed to get to school on time. Howard seemed reserved, and I had the feeling that he was having difficulty with what happened last night. Tabitha, however, was all smiles and snuggles with me. Dad met us at school, and gave me two pills. He seemed much better, and told me that Mom was almost back to normal. Stacey hugged me and asked for an update at lunch.

The school nurse checked on me in the afternoon -- apparently doctor's orders.

Howard suggested that Tabitha and I spend the night at her house. He tried to use the excuse that we needed clothes, which we did. I gave him a hug. And he seemed to shrink back. "I need to think about what happened..." I felt sad. Tabitha held me.

"Howard, whatever is bothering you, last night was wonderful. I know what's wrong. As long as Samantha has her clothes on, she is a cute, loving girl. But when she undresses, it spoils the illusion." He looked at us and nodded. "But that doesn't mean she can't be your friend."

"I just feel bad that it bothers me, and..." We both hugged him.

"So let's stay friends, and I'll handle Samantha when she takes off her clothes." Howard suddenly snickered, and when Tabitha realized what she had said, she blushed scarlet. I licked her ear, and she dropped her books.

When Howard headed for his bus, he seemed more relaxed. Tabitha and I took the bus to her house. Dinner was quick and quiet. We did our homework, and snuggled each other to sleep, as friends.

Whatever the medicine Dr. Hardwick gave me was, it worked almost too well. I was so spacey most of the time that I started to get blonde comments.

On Saturday Dad picked me up at Tabitha's house. I had borrowed some girl's jeans from her, and she had worked to make us mismatched twins. We looked a bit silly, but it was comfortable. And washable. Tabitha and I had stayed up later than we should, discussing how we would handle separate sleeping arrangements when Dr. Hardwick took me off my leash. Since the games in her tub, we were acting more and more like sisters, not hormone-saturated teenagers. And for some reason it felt right to both of us.

Dad gawked at the house when we arrived. There was a small army of big guys, led by Howard, that were rapidly emptying the big storage van into the house. "What...? Where...?"

"Wow, Howard wasn't kidding, was he?" I looked at Tabitha, who was staring at the activity. "Um, Dad, I think we better head for the store..."

By noon the van was completely empty, and a good part of the football team was full of pizza and pop. Steve and Howard stuck around after the others had left. "Um, now about that study session Sunday..." Mom and Dad managed to agree without argument.

Early Sunday morning, everyone got together at Howard's place. Howard, Steve, Stacey, Tabitha, and me. We took over their basement recreation room, and Mrs. Adkins, showing intimate knowledge of teenager's needs, took several trips downstairs to deliver us a car-load of food and sodas. Soon we were sprawled all over the place, working on each other's weak areas.

By late afternoon the mental capacity of the entire group had deteriorated so far that Stacey and Steve were having a pretzel tossing contest. Tabitha and I were snuggled up together, using Howard as a pillow. Howard was snoring. When Mrs. Adkins came in to check on us, she giggled, and we stared at her.

"Harold and I used to wind up in study sessions at college like this." She nudged Howard with a toe and he mumbled something and rolled over, dumping Tabitha and me on the floor. "Dinner will be in about an hour." She looked at Stacey, Tabitha and me. "Would you girls like to help with the preparations?" We groaned, but agreed. Suddenly she stopped. "Um, Samantha, I..."

I hugged her. "It's okay, it doesn't bother me, I think." Stacey had to drag Tabitha off me so we could head for the kitchen. There we got so busy I didn't have time to worry about it. When dinner was ready we went to get Steve and Howard. They were both out cold.

Mrs. Adkins didn't even blink. "Okay, dinner is READY!" No movement.

"Eyahhh!" Howard woke up really fast when his mother calmly poured the glass of cold water she had obtained from the bathroom on his head. The scream woke Steve. When Howard got oriented, he glared at his mother, then saw us giggling and looked sheepish. "Mom..." She simply smiled.

"Dinner is ready." Howard snagged a towel on his way upstairs.

Steve's Dad came by to pick him up after dinner. Howard gave me a hug, and didn't cringe when I snuggled against him. "Friends?" He had to find some tissues, as my tears were soaking his shirt. But by the time Mrs. Adkins drove Tabitha and me back to Tabitha's house, I felt all calm and happy again.

The school week went quickly. I wound up getting pulled out of school on Tuesday for an appointment with a doctor for a complete physical. Mom, who was still on happy pills, had listed me as her daughter, and the people at the clinic must have been the only ones in town who didn't know I was really a boy. So when the nurse told me to get ready for a pelvic exam, I gave her a "what?" look. "A pelvic exam. You've never had one?" I shook my head. She mumbled something about proper medical care, and instructed me on how to use the stirrups on the exam table, and what I was supposed to do. So I dropped the skirt and panties I was wearing, then the gaff, and climbed onto the exam table.

She ran out of the room with a screech. I pulled the sheet over me, and wondered what was wrong. The stirrups felt really weird. Talk about hanging in the breeze. The doctor, an older woman, came in with the nurse. "Her chart says she's a girl but she's a boy and..."

"Um, is something wrong?" I looked at them. The doctor took one look under the sheet, and went and got Mom. Explanations took a while. Then they took enough blood that I asked for a refill. Rectal exams are embarrassing. And what happened when she massaged what she called my prostate during the exam was downright mortifying. Especially when the nurse collected the result in a little jar.

I walked sort of funny when I left the clinic, and Mom seemed strangely unsympathetic. I took it really easy in Aerobics. When Ms. Kormansky asked why, I mentioned a physical and pelvic exam. She nodded, then gave me a really strange look. But didn't ask further questions.

Friday there were no classes, and I had my first appointment with the psychiatrist that Dr. Hardwick had recommended to my parents. Tabitha came with me, and I really needed her hugs when the session ended. She changed my medicine to a lower dose, and added two more medicines to the list. And gave me couple of shots in my bottom. She was unable to stifle a laugh when I commented that medical care was a pain in the butt. I was warned that the shots might make me have some rather strange emotional swings, and she briefed Mom and Tabitha on what to watch for. She also continued my escort requirements for another two weeks, which seemed to bother Mom, and made Tabitha grin.

Howard called me at Tabitha's just before dinner to set up another weekend study session. I called Stacey, and she agreed to meet us at Howard's early on Saturday morning. Howard told me that Steve would be there, and suggested that I plan for a two-day session. "Mom is setting up the guest room for you and Tabitha and Stacey." I snickered. "And she has promised to play warden. But she is also renting us a bunch of movies for Saturday evening." It sounded like fun.

Anne drove us to Howard's place, with Tabitha's computer in the trunk, and a suitcase full of clothes and supplies. Steve hauled everything inside, and we found that Stacey had arrived earlier. I was startled to find two other girls, who looked about the same age as Stacey and Howard, curled up on a couch in the recreation room. "Samantha, Tabitha, meet Diane and Margaret" I had seen both of them at school, but they were not in any of my classes.

Steve picked up Diane and hugged her. "Mine!" She giggled, and snuggled against him. All eyes turned to Margaret. She turned red.

Howard went over and gave her a kiss. "Margie was my girlfriend until I did something really stupid." We stared at him. "Steve and Diane know the whole story. They were there." The two of them nodded. Margie looked really nervous.

"Are you sure you want to..." Howard nodded.

"These two lesbians better not have any complaints." He came over and patted Tabitha and me on the head." Stacey snickered.

"Wait a minute, I thought Samantha was really a boy..." Howard carefully planted her in a chair.

"Well, that's another story..." Twenty minutes later she was giving me a hug and apologizing for things she had never done. And I was crying on her shoulder for no reason.

Stacey broke in "Sam, remember what Dr. Allen said about the shots? And weird emotion swings?" It sort of made sense.

"Now for our story..." Steve and Diane were quietly making out in a corner while Howard talked.

"...When I came looking for Margie, and found her making out with another girl, well, I said a lot of nasty things, and refused to talk to her for weeks." Margie, who was now on his lap, nodded. "So much for our relationship. She tried to explain that it was not an affront on my manliness, but I was letting my underwear think for me, and called Margie a dyke in front of a lot of people." She nodded again.

"Which caused me a lot of trouble because my parents are really conservative. So I refused to talk to Howard for almost a year. When he called me on Monday I almost hung up on him, but he begged and pleaded" she patted him on the head "and did his lost-puppy imitation so well that I gave him a chance."

"I told her about Samantha, and about what had happened between Samantha and me, and that I now knew what a jerk I had been." He paused, and looked at the concern on my face. "And no, I did not include any incriminating details." I relaxed a bit.

"And I asked her to forgive me and give me a second chance." He hugged her, and she snuggled closer.

"See," Margie grinned, "we really do like each other." She chewed on his earlobe, and he quivered. "But we both needed to grow up a lot. My parents are not okay with my being Bi, but they know it's not something they can change, and as long as I don't rub their faces in it, we get along fine. And they do love me, they just grew up in a different world."

She looked at me. "So, as of Thursday, Howard and I are officially back together again."

I felt a surge of jealousy, and started to say something when Tabitha goosed me. "Eep!" I glared at her. "What was that for?"

"So you think before you put your foot in your mouth." I stared at her. "Besides, you belong to me, not Howard." Her kiss made me forget what I was going to say.

"I think it's cool!" We looked at Stacey. "But it looks like I'm the only one here without a date." She was trying to be upbeat, but there was an undercurrent that made me flinch. We all got up and gave her a group hug.

"Sis" I held her. "You've been doing too much for me, and not enough for yourself." She nodded. "So quit worrying about me, and spend some time on yourself." There were a lot of seconds to that.

After everyone had dealt with the angst, we started studying. I woke up with my head on Tabitha's shoulder, and found we were on a couch, and covered with a blanket. She offered me a sip of soda. "You look so peaceful when you are asleep." I felt peaceful. And she felt warm. I looked around the room.

Steve and Diane were both face-down at the table, sleeping. Howard was apparently the large comforter-covered lump on the floor. Margie was massaging Stacey's neck. Stacey saw me staring. "Cramp, and she gives a wonderful massage..." My eyebrows went up a centimeter.

I closed my eyes and turned off my brain. Tabitha was what I wanted... I was gently awakened by Mrs. Adkins, who smiled at me. Howard was stretching, and Steve and Diane were awake. I didn't see Margie or Stacey. "Dinner in about five minutes." I nodded. "Please wake Tabitha." She headed upstairs.

Tabitha was slow to return to consciousness, but was smiling when we headed up for dinner. Stacey and Margie had been recruited for kitchen help. Mr. Adkins was there, and so was Anne, who looked really happy to be out and about. After dinner, those of us who had slept through preparations wound up doing dishes. Anne headed home around nine, and we were told to clean up the recreation room and go to sleep early. As full as we were, it sounded good. We were too tired for movies.

The guest room was big, but not big enough for all five girls. Diane whined, in jest, about not being able to sleep with Steve and instead being stuck with the girls. Tabitha and I went searching for extra covers. There are some advantages to being small. We took over a corner, and built a nest using extra blankets and pillows. That left the king-size bed for the others. Stacey's "No mating games, Okay?" made us both giggle. They were still discussing who would get the middle as we fell asleep.

Sunday morning we were rousted by Mrs. Adkins, and after breakfast hit the books again. Around one, everyone agreed that any further effort would be wasted. But we had covered a lot of ground. And it was less than four weeks till finals. After a major cleanup, we checked the weather, and decided to head out for some fresh air. Diane suggested we head for the shopping center and some ice cream. No one argued. It felt wonderful to be out in the world with friends who didn't care what I was.

Tabitha and I split another jungle delight. And this time no one pestered us about our antics. We were in the process of cleaning up the last of the whipped cream when Margie asked about people's plans for Thanksgiving. I said I didn't have a clue, which was seconded by Stacey. Tabitha suddenly coverd her face and tried to run away, but Steve snagged her.

"Tabitha, what's wrong?" Stacey and I held her.

"You're going to spent the holidays with your families and I won't even get to see my parents until some time in the spring and..." She started to cry. We jointly got up and headed out of the shopping center. Howard simply picked her up and carried her. She clung to him, and Margie didn't seem to mind. The weather had gotten much cooler while we were inside, so we sought shelter at the resale shop while parents were called for transportation.

I suggested to Stacey that we see if Tabitha could spend the holidays with us. Tabitha grabbed me and said it would be wonderful. Howard looked unhappy.

"My family is flying out to the coast for a week to visit Mom's sister. So I won't be back until the following Wednesday."

Margie's not to well restrained "Shit" got our attention. She was shaking her head. "My parents are driving to Maine to visit my grandparents, but none of the grandchildren are coming because there is no place for them to stay." She hugged Howard. "I was going to ask if I could join you for thanksgiving, but if you're going out of town..."

"Steve and I are going with my parents to a family thanksgiving get-together, so we can't help." Diane sounded unhappy.

I looked at Stacey. "Maybe Mom and Dad will let us bring two guests." Margie gave me a hug. "Please, it gets so lonely when everyone is gone." The beeping of a horn signaled the arrival of Mrs. Adkins. Shortly only Tabitha, Stacey and I were left.

Suddenly Tabitha, who had been really down, seemed to perk up. "I just realized that if I can spend the whole holidays with you two, then Anne can go and join her family at Thanksgiving." Stacey thought it was a great idea, but I was afraid Mom and Dad might object to Tabitha and I sleeping together. Stacey seemed to agree.

"They don't want to admit that you two share the same bed at Tabitha's, and try to ignore the obvious." Tabitha looked miserable. "Tabitha could stay with me, but I don't think it would be the same." Both Tabitha and I grimaced. We saw out little car pull up, and Dad waved at us to get in.

As he drove off, Stacey broached the question of guests over the holidays. "Dad, we were talking with our friends, and, well, two of them are going to be without family over the holidays, and..."

"Of course you can invite them for dinner." There was dead silence.

"We want them to stay with us over the holidays." Dad was silent for a moment.

"Um..." he seemed to be having trouble phrasing his words.

"Tabitha would stay with Samantha, and Margie, who is Howard's old, and now current girlfriend, would stay with me." He drove quietly for a bit, and change directions toward our house.

"Your mother needs to be in on the decision. She worries a lot about Sam, and is scared that if Sam and Tabitha get too intimate she might..., well..."

"Dad, Tabitha and I have been sleeping together for several weeks. And we are not doing anything that could get either of us pregnant." It didn't come out quite right, and Stacey went into giggle fits. Even Dad managed to laugh.

Mom was really surprised when the four of us came tromping inside. After a very short greeting, Dad waved us towards the family room, and sat Mom down at the table to talk.

Tabitha was really stressed, but when she saw our library she managed to shake the blues and started searching the shelves. Stacey headed for her room, came back with a blanket, and curled up on the couch.

Tabitha had a large pile of books sitting on a table in alphabetical order when Mom and Dad came to find us. She clung to me, like they were going to throw her out.

"Sam, you father and I, well, we still don't understand what is turning you into our daughter. But Dr. Allen says that you are doing well, and that your relationship with Tabitha is very important." They looked at each other. "So we called Anne, and asked what she thought."

Tabitha clung tighter. "Neither of you two told her that Sam was really a boy, did you?" The look on their faces said too much.

"Oh God, you told her..." She started to shake and sob, and Stacey jumped up and wrapped both of us in her blanket.

"She is a good friend of the woman that runs the theater shop, and put two and two together a couple of weeks ago."

Tabitha managed to gasp out "And she didn't..."

"She said that when a girl like Tabitha is in love, all that chasing off the boy will do is drive them to do things in secret. So she figured that if Sam was really a girl, nothing would happen, and if not, then at least they wouldn't be risking their safety sneaking off at night." We all stared at them.

"Tabitha's parents didn't hire Anne because she is dumb. She has been keeping them informed about what has been happening with their daughter. They, too, are concerned, but agreed with Anne. And after a lot of soul searching, so do we."

Tabitha pounced on me. "You mean that I can..." They nodded. She let go of me and tried to hug Mom and Dad to death.

Stacey gave me a hug, and took back her blanket.

Tabitha stayed for dinner, and after the dishes were done, Dad drove us to Howard's house to collect Stacey's and our stuff. We were startled when he headed back to the house. "Um, don't we need to go to Tabitha's..."

"Anne suggested that you stay at our house tonight." We didn't argue. She wound up staying all week, with a trip to her house on Tuesday for clothes. The fact that my bed was small didn't bother her. Close was better.

The Tuesday evening before Thanksgiving we saw Howard and his parents off at the airport, and we brought Margie back home with us. She seemed worried about something, so when our parents went to bed early, we all collected in Stacey's room. It took quite a bit of effort to get her to open up.

"Okay, you really want to know what's wrong. I'm lonely. And I'm so horny I could scream. And I'm going to share a small bed with a really nice female type person, and it's not fair!"

Stacey looked at her. "You mean you're afraid..." She nodded.

"You are a friend, and I'm scared I might do something wrong, and you'll hate me, and..."

She broke down in sobs and we all held her till she got her control back. "Maybe I should just call a cab and go home."

"Maybe you should ask me if I want to do more than sleep." I let go of Tabitha so quickly she landed on the floor. This was my sister?!

Margie's eyes were wide open. Stacey was blushing brightly. "I mean, well, I've never done anything with..., but the idea doesn't scare me, and well, I'm getting really tired of watching my little sister have all the fun. And I'm probably hornier than you..."

I grabbed Tabitha, and dragged her towards the door. "Don't do anything we wouldn't do, Sis." They both stared at us as Tabitha giggled her way out the door.

It was a very, very enjoyable evening. In the morning, Mom was surprised to find two pairs of girls, all snoring, entwined with their bed-mates. At least that is what she told us when she got home after work, and found that we had done all of the preparation for Thanksgiving dinner ourselves. She was eyeing Margie warily, but Stacey's "Relax, Mom, she can't get me pregnant" caused Mom to pound her head on the table. She did seem better when she stopped.

Dinner was cold sandwiches and, for us, movies. We collected large piles of blankets and pillows, and made two nests in the family room. That is where Mom found us when she got up early to start the turkey. I didn't remember falling asleep. In fact, all that I could remember was laughing my way through the third or fourth coyote and roadrunner tape.

It was a quiet, relaxed Thanksgiving. Mom and Margie, after cautiously circling each other like fighting cats, discovered they had similar interests, and the tension level between them dropped to nearly zero. Dad was just happy to have the whole family together. And Stacey seemed lots less fidgety...

We repeated the previous evening's movie madness, this time with some old Rogers and Hammerstien musicals. Mom had selected them, and I expected to get bored. Instead, I was fascinated by the acting. So much for special effects.

Speaking of special effects, I was glad that the family room was far away from the master bedroom. Margie gets really loud when improperly stimulated. Stacey just chews on a pillow. They claimed we sounded like mating chipmunks. I can't argue, 'cause I was too busy having fun to listen.

Friday we inherited cleanup detail. Mom and Dad had to work, so we had the place to ourselves. Tabitha took over cleaning my room, and when I finished vacuuming downstairs and checked on her, every piece of my male clothing was neatly bagged up in the hall. "Hey, I need some of those!" I went and tried to retrieve some underwear, and she blocked me.

"Sam, you can't go back." I stared at her, and everything got fuzzy. I managed to sit on the bed. "Let it go. You are as much a girl as I am. Except where it's important." I looked at my clothes. The bra was clearly visible under the T shirt. And my crotch looked flat.

"But I don't want to be a girl..." She hugged me.

"Samantha, you are a girl. Quit trying to pretend otherwise. Please. It hurts so much to watch you try and act like a boy. It's you I love. Not what's in your underwear."

I was pretty much back to feeling human when Stacey and Margie came up with a load of clean laundry. One look at my face and they descended upon Tabitha for information.

They agreed with her, and I watched with tears in my eyes as my last attachment to Samuel was packed up into Margie's car and hauled to the charity shop. I spent the rest of the day curled up with Tabitha on my bed, holding on to her tightly for warmth and security.

I wasn't hungry, but Tabitha made me come down for dinner anyway. Mom and Dad got worried, but I told them I was just having some mood swings, and they let the subject drop. Tabitha and I closed up early.

By Monday I was mostly feeling good about myself again. And was too busy studying to notice much. If getting ready for college finals was anything like this, I would have to consider a career as a gardener.

It was a long two weeks. We, meaning everyone that could fit, got together at Howard's for a marathon weekend study session. Sleeping arrangements were based on wherever someone ran out of energy. I woke up with Howard, Stacey, Margie, and several times with Tabitha. I doubt if anyone could have managed anything "improper". No enthusiasm.

Friday, after the last final, we all got together and raided a local pizza shop to celebrate. Tabitha and I got into a cheese-pulling contest trying to share the same piece of pizza. Which led to faces full of pizza sauce and a lot of very intimate tongue wars during the ensuing cleanup. "Disgusting" was the comment from one of the other groups watching us. But several girls were trying the same thing with their boyfriends. And there were no complaints I could hear.

Stacey went home with Margie and Howard, mumbling something about it being party time. Tabitha and I called Anne for a ride back to her house. "You two are planning on spending the holidays together?" We smiled, and hugged each other in the back seat. Ann changed course. "Good, then we need to do some shopping."

I had not expected to be going dress shopping. Especially for a formal period ball-gown that required a corset and custom fittings. Tabitha seemed as surprised as me. Anne was smiling, and refused to provide any details. We were told to return on Tuesday for a second fitting.

Saturday I was hauled to a jeweler's, and Tabitha ogled Anne as they selected a formal necklace and earrings for me. When they added bracelets and rings, her "Oh my God, those are just like the ones..." She looked at Anne. Who grinned.

"Just like the ones you parents bought you last year for the Grand Ball."

"But they won't be..." Here eyes got really wide.

"They called me yesterday. They are flying home next week." Tabitha launched herself at Anne and hugged her, crying and shaking. I finally had to pry her loose so Anne could breathe, and Tabitha attached her self to me.

"It's been so long and I've missed them so much and..." I kissed her to keep her from disturbing everyone in the store. When she finally regained her composure, she suddenly looked concerned. "Anne, the ball-gown and.."

"They are greatly looking forward to meeting Samantha, and are planning to take both of you to the Grand Ball at Angeline McWorter's." Tabitha and I stared at each other. "And they want to meet her parents. Something about certain formalities covering engagements..."

Anne had to forcibly pry us apart so she could drag us back to her car. "Behave yourselves, at least until we get home." We re-attached when we got in the back seat.

Anne sent us to Tabitha's room, muttering something about our not paying attention to her. We managed to get upstairs without tripping. "Tabitha, does this mean..."

"Mom and Dad are a bit old fashioned." She suddenly sat up, which dumped me off the edge of the bed. "Oh My God, I'll bet that..." She ran out of the room hollering for Anne. When she came back, she was giggling. "Didn't you say you father hated formal anything?" I nodded. "Well, apparently your parents and sister are also invited, by Angeline, to the ball."

I flopped onto the bed. A vision of Dad wearing a Tuxedo caused me to go into a laughing fit. He would look like a formally dressed walrus. I bet Mom was having the time of her life trying to get him ready.

Dinner was ordered-in Chinese. Tabitha warned me that I was going to get a crash course in formality, beginning on Saturday. "Can't let my future wife embarrass me." I tried to swat her, after the impact of her statement sank in.

Tuesday, after picking up the jewelry, we visited the dress shop again. I had talked to Stacey and Mom over the weekend. They were to be fitted on Monday. Dad was throwing a tantrum, and Mom had threatened to slip him a tranquilizer unless he quit complaining. He was to get fitted for a tuxedo on Wednesday. Anne and the seamstress started getting us into our gowns.

Tabitha and I were trying to breathe and stand still without fainting. Now I understood why breakfast was so light. Anne seemed to enjoy our distress. "What we of the fairer sex must endure in the name of fashion." I would have complained, but that would take air, which was in short supply.

We were told to live in the corsets until the day of the ball. There were two styles. Tight and tighter. And a lot of other strange undergarments that looked like someone had raided a museum. Tabitha had been raised in formal surroundings, and drilled me unmercifully in movement and manners. "Hey, like this is just a Christmas ball."

"This is one of Angeline's balls. Everyone who is anyone will be there. Last year there were several ambassadors and, I think, two congressmen. Plus the mayor, the governor, and..." I stared at her. "So you WILL not embarrass me. Right?" I managed a nod.

"Besides, the food, what we can manage laced into this armour, will be incredible. And Mom and Dad love events like this. So you better get used to them." I wondered what she meant by that.

The ball was scheduled for Sunday. Friday afternoon Anne drove to the city to pick up Tabitha's parents. We were told to prepare dinner, and expect them to be exhausted after their long flights. Tabitha was vibrating with excitement. I was shaking with trepidation. And trying to keep enough oxygen in my blood to stay upright. Tabitha had taken to her corset like she had worn one all her life. And she looked delicious.

At Tabitha's suggestion, we had raided her closet, and were both dressed in long, belted skirts, fitted tops, and heels when we greeted her parents at the door. I maintained a respectful distance as they haf a tear-filled and very emotional reunion. Finally they separated, and Tabitha made the introductions.

"Mom, Dad, meet Samantha Michelle McNeil. Samantha, meet my parents, Theodora Van Dhorer Schoolcroft and Frederick Allen Schoolcroft." It was clear where Tabitha got her hair. He mother was beautiful. Her father looked like a statesman, even in his traveling clothes.

I managed to do a curtsey, and extended my hand to them. Mrs. Schoolcroft shook it gently, and gave me a hug. A real hug. Her father did the same. "We have been looking forward to meeting you. Anne has been telling us many interesting stories of my daughter's and your antics." I managed not to scream, but turned red. Tabitha was a similar color.

"Please don't be worried, neither Fred or I is as much of a fuddy-duddy as Tabitha has probably convinced you we are." He mother was chuckling softly. "And over the many years in the Diplomatic Corps we have learned there are far more lifestyles than they teach about here in America." She hugged her daughter, who almost melted against her. "So let's continue on inside, where we can relax. Even in first class, sitting for fifteen hours is unpleasant." Tabitha's father took my hand and escorted me inside. He was treating me like a young woman, which startled me.

Both adults begged for some time to clean up and get out of their traveling clothes. Anne came in and suggested we help her set the table.

"Tabitha, your father held my hand like..." she nodded.

"I don't know what to make of it. But count your fingers. If they are all still there, it's a good sign." Her humor didn't help. Then I wondered if it was a joke.

The table was set for a fine dinner, and we were preparing to set out the appetizers when Tabitha's parents came into the dining room. I almost dropped a tray, and Tabitha giggled. Her mother and father were wearing big, old, fluffy robes and bunny slippers. Make that her mother was wearing bunny slippers. Her dad's looked like cats. Complete with whiskers.

"We refuse to wear anything formal until the ball." They sat at the table, and stretched. "Well, what are you waiting for? Service, children, service. The master and mistress of the house are hungry!"

Tabitha gave me an "I dunno" look, so we played along. It was kinda fun. We all sat down for the main meal, which I had spent far too much time preparing for the oven. But the lamb roast was perfect, and I got showered with complements. Desert was politely declined by everyone.

"Samantha, Tabitha, I know you have a lot of questions, and we owe Tabitha some personal time, but not until after we have caught up on our sleep." Her mom hugged her dad. "So, if you please, excuse our departure,. We have a good night's sleep calling us." We each got a hug before they headed upstairs.

Anne had us clear the table, and then shooed us off to bed. Soon, showered, and changed into the corsets we had been sleeping in all week, we snuggled together under the covers. "Tabitha, do you think your parents have forgotten that I'm a boy, or don't they care, or..."

"They never forget anything, and they wouldn't be here if they weren't concerned about something." She sounded worried. "I don't have a clue what's happening, but whatever it is, it's big." She snuggled closer. "And I have a sneaky suspicion that Angeline McWorter has her fingers in it up to her elbows." We lay there quietly, thinking, until we fell asleep.

Saturday morning we were the first up, and decided that there was no reason to be formal. So we stuck to long skirts and sweaters, and heels. And the overly-tight, at least in my opinion, corsets. It was almost noon before her parents came downstairs. Tabitha wanted hugs, lots of them, so I quietly excused myself and headed for her room. I figured how to support myself on several pillows, and started to catch up on my reading.

I was almost finished with my novel when Tabitha came up to get me. She was all smiles. "Thank you." She hugged me. "It has been so long, and..."

"And you don't need to explain." I stretched. "So did they say why they came back?" She shook her head.

"Only that they really wanted to be with me for the holidays." She looked pensive. "I'm almost tempted to believe them, but they seemed to be hiding something. And I didn't want to spoil anything by getting too inquisitive." She pulled me to my feet. "Besides, I'm glad they came, and I know they are too. Ready for some lunch?" We headed downstairs.

Much of the afternoon was spent catching her parents up on what had happened over the past year. They were really interested in why Mom and Dad had moved to the local area. My story of how I would up as Samantha lasted through dinner. I was surprised at how much they already knew. Anne must have a lot more contacts in the community than I thought.

"So, are you planning to remain as Samantha after you finish high school?" The question caught me by surprise. I looked at Tabitha, who looked scared.

"The special psychiatrist that Mr. and Mrs. Adkins found said that I have always been a girl up here." I tapped my head. "And the local psychiatrist who is helping me work though this agrees. They say I should never try to return to being Samuel, that all I would do is be unhappy." I hugged Tabitha for support. "But aside from the clothes, and the way I dress and do my hair, I haven't changed. Yet I have more friends, wonderful people like your daughter" Tabitha blushed "who don't seem to care that I'm physically a boy under my dress."

They were staring intensely at me. This was a question I had been asking myself, and that was being hinted at by Dr. Allen. "Tabitha and I haven't really discussed what will happen in the long term. There is so much I have to learn about myself before I can decide what I want to be. So I am taking things one day at a time." I paused. "And being the best friend I can to Tabitha."

That caused her to tear up, and sniffle on my shoulder. I could not decipher the expressions on her parent's faces. "Samantha, I will love you whatever you decide." Now it was my turn to sniffle. Her parents excused themselves, and headed upstairs. I wondered what was running through their heads.

"I've been afraid to ask you that question." I looked at Tabitha, who was watching me carefully. "The stuff I read about people like you on the Internet, they say that, well, a lot want to become real girls and..." she seemed to shiver "they have surgery to make them into women, but then we couldn't ever..." She took a deep breath. "We couldn't get married or have children, and..." She jumped up and ran up the stairs.

I was stunned. Married? Children? Those things were for adults. The idea of having someone get anywhere near my privates with a knife made me shudder. I'd read about men who wanted to have surgery so they could make love like they were born female, but I was happy with my body. And I liked girls. The corset let it's presence be known, and I shifted positions. And absentmindedly rubbed my chest, which had gotten really sensitive and tender over the last few weeks.

Having real breasts didn't sound that bad. I grinned. Especially if they were as sensitive as Tabitha's. The glue-on breast forms that Celia gave me looked good, but I always felt like there was something missing in my bra.

My psychiatrist had asked me whether I felt like I should be able to have and nurse children. Neither made any great bells to ring, or caused great revelations to sound. I sort of liked the idea of having kids, after I was much older, but I figured that my future wife would do the honors. Now the bells went off. Tabitha was thinking that... But... I started to get a headache. No wonder she pouted when I refused to do anything in bed that might get her pregnant. She wanted me to be her... Her what? Husband? Wife? We needed to talk. I pried myself up, wiggled till the corset quit sticking me, and headed upstairs.

Tabitha was sitting on the bed, supported by lots of pillows, and slowly emptying a box of tissues. The tear streaks and red eyes caused me to feel bad. She motioned to me to join her.

"I told you, and now you are mad and won't want to stay with me and..." The flood looked ready to begin again.

I pulled her into my arms, and kissed her. She plastered herself to me, and we would have stayed that way except that the corsets objected. As we tried to get comfortable, she paused, and softly smiled at me. "You wouldn't, maybe, want to try and start that family tonight?" My expression of shock made her giggle. "Okay, then how about something almost as much fun?" She started licking her lips, and the corset interfered with my response. I hoped her parents were sound sleepers.

The ball was at Hanover, in the main gym. There must have been almost three hundred people, including about sixty kids from our school, trying to be formal and proper. Neither Tabitha or I had to worry about being selected as anything special. Some of the senior girls, and their tuxedo-clad escorts, looked like they had stepped off the pages of New Yorker magazine.

And even the debutantes were overshadowed by many of the adults. Including Tabitha's parents. Her father was at ease in his formal tux and tails. But her mother... WOW. Her gown was silk, and was cut so low it almost embarrassed Tabitha. There was no question she was wearing a corset. He waist was the same as Tabitha's. but she was much more, well, endowed. And with a tiara of multi-colored gems setting off her hair, almost every eye in the room was following her.

I was surprised how good Dad looked in his tuxedo. Mom looked great, and was making sure that Dad could not escape. Stacey looked really good, and seemed to be enjoying herself. And the attention of several young men.

"We really have to stop meeting like this." A familiar rumble sounded right behind me. I spun around and hugged Howard. Margie was at his side, wearing a gown almost as revealing as Tabitha's mom's. She didn't blink when I kissed him.

I pulled back, and was replaced by Tabitha. "I thought you said your parents were not going to return until spring."

"A little bird, or most likely several stool pigeons, informed them about Samantha and me, so they decided to come back and make sure I was okay." I nodded, managing an exasperated look.

"I got my grades, and managed a B in both physics and math." He was almost glowing. "So you are hereby officially congratulated by me, and will be fawned on by my parents." He gave me another hug, and his tone changed "I really do appreciate all the help. For the tutoring. And for helping me pull my head out and learn that different can be good too." He hugged Margie and gave her a kiss that raised the temperature several degrees. Tabitha looked jealous.

We were discussing what had transpired during the first part of the holidays when dinner was announced.

Wearing a corset was cruel. The food, which was catered, was incredible. I couldn't even finish the "lady's" portion I was served. Tabitha made a comment that we should ask for seconds to go. Then they brought out desert.

We wound up supporting each other as the festivities went through the transformation from dinner to dancing. It was nice to see that others were in the same condition. When I saw the live band, I wanted to run. The only experience I had with dancing was the little Tabitha has been trying to teach me. "Samantha, let's go find a corner and snuggle. I'm so full if I move quickly I'll faint." She didn't need to convince me.

We were able to sit out most of the dances. But Howard wouldn't take no for an answer. "Just follow my lead." They were playing slow dances, and I found out that if I draped myself against him, he would keep me off the floor. And he felt soo... good. Tabitha took his next dance, and as I sat there watching, I decided I needed to learn slow dancing.

As the evening wore on, most of the younger people congregated in one area, and we joined them. We both got complements on our gowns, and our corseted waists. We wound up chatting with people we knew, and very lightly munching from the vast spread of goodies. Neither of us noticed Angeline until she was upon us.

"Tabitha, Samantha, you look wonderful. Are you enjoying the ball?" We were, and carefully watched our manners as we confirmed what was obvious. She looked at me. "Samantha, there is someone I want you to meet. If your friend will let you go for a few moments, I want to take you to meet him."

I looked at Tabitha for an excuse, but she was obviously awed by Angeline, and I found myself being escorted across the floor to one of the tables reserved for the sponsors and distinguished visitors. She zeroed in on a tall, older gentleman who was watching us carefully. "Samantha, I want you to meet Dr. Phineas Sheldon. Dr. Sheldon, meet Samantha McNeil." We shook hands, and he offered me a seat. When we were all seated, he looked at me.

"Amazing." He smiled warmly. "Samantha, Angeline has told me about your rather unique situation." I got scared, and tried to shrink into the chair. "Please, don't worry about me. Dr. Hardwick, a former student of mine, said she had met a unique young person here, but provided no details. So when Angeline contacted me, and asked if I would like to meet you, I jumped at the chance." He paused. "But she refused to tell me which of the young ladies was the one she invited me to meet, and told me to pick the three most likely candidates."

He shook his head. "And I missed by a country mile." I wondered what was going on. "Perhaps it may help if I explain that I am a research psychiatrist specializing in young people with gender identity concerns, as well as a professor of psychiatry." I wondered if I was going to get an award for being the weirdo of the week. All I wanted was to be happy. And right now that meant getting away from Angeline and him, and back with Tabitha.

He obviously could sense my reaction. "Please, I'm not here to declare you an endangered species, or preserve you for future generations." I looked at him, and giggled as what he said filtered in. "So do you rally mind sparing an old, decrepit psychiatrist a few minutes of your time?"

He was smooth. And succeeded in getting me to relax. So I figured I would humor him. I nodded, and he shooed Angeline off. "You my have heard this before, but I am an expert in boys who want to, or need to, be girls. And I can usually spot them even if they have been living full-time as girls for many years. But there is absolutely nothing about you that would raise the question. And yet you have been living as a girl for only ten weeks?"

"Howard thinks I'm a chameleon, I become whatever I need to be for the situation. My girlfriend, Tabitha, agrees. But everyone believes that I have always been a girl, up here" I tapped my head "I don't notice anything really different about me when I'm in a dress, except that now I've got friends, and people don't make fun of me because of my size or the way I move or act."

"Is Howard the large boy who danced with you? He treated you just like any other pretty girl."

"Howard knows I'm a boy inside the clothes, but I still make him hot and bothered. And he's straight." I smiled evilly, and wiggled my eyebrows. "And he's so nice to snuggle against. But we've come to an understanding. He has trouble with the illusion when I'm naked, and I love him as a friend, so we're staying out of each other's undies, and besides, we each have a very possessive girlfriend." I watched the expressions on his face as he sorted out what I said.

"Dr. Hardwick's description was amazingly accurate. You seem to have accepted your psychological differences without major problems. Have you decided if you want to have surgery to make you into a complete female when you are old enough?"

"I like my private parts, and so does my girlfriend." I dropped the smile. "I really have not thought about it. I don't have any craving to be able to sleep with a guy in that way, and I really like girls. So despite what the stuff I read on the net says, I think I'll keep what I have." He nodded

"It's easiest if I just consider myself a lesbian, that takes care of stupid questions. And my staring at other girls with bedroom eyes." I looked him in the eye. "But you didn't travel all this way to spend a few minutes talking with me. I'm sure that Dr. Hardwick told you I'm too bright for my own good. So you would not be here if there wasn't a more significant reason."

"Aside from my having grown up here, meeting old friends, and Angeline being an old and dear college companion. Yes." He looked intently at me. "At Angeline's urging, your parents have given their approval for me to do a complete evaluation of you over the next few days." I groaned, and looked at him in annoyance. "But I need your willing cooperation, or it won't be effective."

He took a sip of something. "The psychiatric field desperately needs research information on young people like you. People who appear so rarely that each one is almost unique. And I can help you learn about yourself, far faster than you can with Dr. Allen. This is not just for me. If there are legal or medical options that you may want to entertain, then my word, and that of my University's psychiatric program carry a great deal of weight." There was a serious tone to his voice that made me shiver.

"What about Tabitha and Stacey and Howard? This is our vacation and..." He interrupted me with a waive of his hand.

"They will be involved, just not as intensely as you. So will your parents. And I promise that my assistant and I will not take up more than eight hours of any one day."

"Assistant?"

"She is not here, as this is a formal function by invitation only. But she will be working with me to help provide a second viewpoint. You will find you two have a lot in common. She was sitting in a position similar to yours, when I interviewed her almost fifteen years ago. Only her parents shunned her when they learned about her problems." He got up, and gently helped me to my feet.

"So, are you game? And I figure it can't hurt to point out that Angeline really wants you to work with me."

"Convincing argument, supported by superior firepower?" He chuckled, and nodded. "Okay, but you have to buy lunch." We shook hands, and he escorted me back to where my friends were sitting.

"Hey, what's with the older men?" Tabitha hugged me. "You're too young for him." I stuck my tongue out at her, and pulled it back before she could get too close, and explained.

"...so it looks like the rest of my vacation will be spent having my brain analyzed. And the rest of you, including Stacey, are going to get a similar treatment." She made a disgusted face.

"He also wants me to meet his research assistant, who he says is someone just like me, only older. I get to meet her Tuesday." Several of the kids from school came off the dance floor, and conversations turned to other topics. Like whether we would survive another semester of homework.

We were getting ready to depart after the final ceremonies when Angeline again cornered me. "Samantha, I really appreciate you agreeing to meet with Phineas. His work means a great deal to many people, including myself." I stared at her. Why she would have a special interest in people like me made absolutely no sense. She gave me a hug, and a tiny kiss, and departed back into the crowd.

Monday was Christmas. Stacey and I had planned on a frugal event, with all our money tied up in the move and the new house. I slept with Stacey, after finding that sleeping alone was lonely. Tabitha wanted to stay with her parents. But she almost cried when we left in separate cars.

Mom and Dad woke us late. And wouldn't let us into the family room until we had eaten breakfast.

"We know you two were expecting little this year, but our finances are much better than we expected. So we splurged a bit..." They opened the family room door. Tabitha was standing there, along with Howard and Margie. I launched myself at Tabitha, as Stacey got the sandwich treatment. After being pried loose from our hugs, everyone smiled at us.

"Your mom and dad wanted to give you both a special Christmas. So they asked if we had any ideas. But the price of coal was too high..." Stacey and I managed raspberries. "So we found something just as appropriate."

Mom cam over and handed Stacey a small, carefully wrapped box. "From all of us." She carefully took the tiny package, and unwrapped it. When she looked inside, she screamed, and hugged mom and dad. "Thank you, thank you..." I looked in the box. There was a set of car keys, and the title the little car we had towed behind the motorhome.

"Hey, this means that Stacey can give me a lift when I need it!"

"Only if you are nice, and do my chores, and pay for the gas, and Yike!" Margie had tickled her. "What she means is she would love to." She hugged Stacey. "Besides, if she's not home, you're still stuck."

We finally finished congratulating Stacey, and I felt everyone watching me. Howard pointed to a big pile hidden by a blanket. "This is from all of us. And there is even a part donated by my father."

I gingerly lifted the blanket. And tried to tackle Howard while mumbling "Oh Boy Oh Boy Oh Boy...". Tabitha did the unveiling. It was the computer I had dreamed about, but knew we couldn't possibly afford. And the monitor was as big as our television. "My Dad's computer engineer set it up, tested it, and loaded the software. He says it's state of the art."

I sat down and started to cry. "I don't even have presents for anyone, and you have been so nice to me, and..."

"And having you as a friend is enough of a present." Tabitha held me as I sobbed all over her shoulder. It was an incredibly wonderful morning.

Howard drove Tabitha back home, and Dad gave Stacey a final check-ride while I followed the instructions on connecting the computer. By the time she returned, I was experimenting with my own personal Internet connection, and trying out all the neat software they had loaded on the machine. Our Christmas dinner was simple, Ham and baked apples. It was the company that made it Christmas.

Tuesday Stacey carefully drove me over to Angeline McWorter's, where she got to meet Phineas, as he insisted on being called. She looked introspective when she finished an hour with him. Then it was my turn. And I got my first chance to meet with his assistant, Ellen.

She was nearly as tall as Phineas, and stacked. When she saw me she smiled. "Doctor Frankenstien here" she motioned at Phineas "Says we're a lot alike. At least up here" she tapped her head." Personally, I think he's the one whose marbles are rattling." She sounded friendly, and helped me relax. I found I was going to be videotaped, and recorded, and everything. But once they started in on me, I forgot all about the cameras.

We started at the present and worked backwards. Then in the middle and went both ways. By dinner I was in a different time zone. Phineas took us to a small restaurant, where we were met by Tabitha and Stacey. I ate enough for two. Catching up after the corset, I figured. Stacey dropped Tabitha and me off, saying she would pick us up at nine in the morning.

After saying hello her parents, who actually seemed happy to see me, we disappeared into her room for some badly needed cuddles. And I found she was still wearing her corset. She made hour-glass motions, and I nibbled her ear. Anne had trouble waking us for breakfast.

I crossed paths with Howard as we arrived at Angeline's. He gave me a hug, and wished me luck. He should have wished me caffeine. I spent the day taking tests, and answering questions. Lunch was cold sandwiches. Dinner was at Angeline's country club. I was surprised when Phineas announced that tomorrow would be the last day of my inquisition. I really needed Tabitha's hugs when we curled up to sleep.

Thursday was awful. Instead of regular questions they took everything I had said and twisted it and threw it at me. And told me to defend myself. Only when I lost it would they back off, and when I quit crying, they piled it on. It was almost two when they stopped their barrage and rubbed mental salve in the wounds. I finally got enough of my confidence back to challenge them.

"Why have you been torturing me?" It came out bitter, but they didn't seem upset.

"Because we had to know if you really believed what you have said, and were willing to stand up and fight for who you are." I fell into a chair as Angeline came into the room, and hugged me.

"People like us have to be strong to survive. Right, Phineas?" He nodded as the room spun around.

I found myself lying on a couch, being held by Angeline, and watched by the others.

I stared at Angeline. "You said like us, but..." she put her finger to her lips.

"This must be forever our secret. Perhaps someday I will tell you all about how an unhappy boy named Andrew became a debutante named Angeline. And married a wonderful man, a bit like Howard, who didn't care what I was under my clothes." She stood up. "Phineas was the psychology student that finally helped me accept who I really was, deep inside. We have been close friends ever since."

"And she has helped me help several others over the years. Ellen was the first." I looked at Ellen, who was smiling. "And you are the most unusual." I nodded. So many things were now falling into place.

"What about Tabitha?" Angeline chuckled. "There are a few people in this town who know my secret. Fred Schoolcroft and I grew up together. How do you think I learned so much about you so quickly? Anne told Fred, and he told me. He says Tabitha can be trusted. So when you two have the private time, let her know, and swear her to secrecy." I hugged Angeline.

"Now, since we have to get to the city in time to take a late flight, do you want to know what we learned about you?" I nodded.

Mr. Schoolcroft and Tabitha picked me up at Angeline's. She held me as, shaking and sobbing, I let all the stress and fears come out. He drove around for a while so I could get my composure before we went inside to meet with her mother, and have dinner. I was still shaky, and my head hurt from all the questions. So I managed to beg for peace and quiet. Tabitha and I went to bed early, and she massaged my neck until I quit twitching from the built-up tension.

Friday I called a family meeting, with Howard, and Tabitha and her parents invited to attend. I was to be the guest speaker. Or target. Phineas told me that I needed to bring everyone up to date, and make some firm plans for my future. I still had not told Tabitha about Angeline. That news could wait till another day.

After amenities, Tabitha hugged me, and I stood up. "You have all been wondering where all this is leading," I tugged at my skirt, "and if I was loose in the head or just weird. Thanks to Phineas, correction, Dr. Phineas Sheldon, with whom you've all talked, I think I know." Dad and Mom looked scared; the rest seemed pensive.

"First, he wants Howard to go to medical school, saying anyone who could figure me out should study psychiatry. Or needs psychiatric help." Howard gave me a raspberry. "But he thinks Howard is right. He will be mailing us, meaning Mom and Dad, an official diagnosis, but he, Dr. Hardwick, and Dr. Allen all came to the same conclusion." I let it hang for a moment.

"I suffer from a very unusual variation of what is classified as gender dysphoria, which means, in simple terms, my gender, how I fit into the scheme of things, doesn't match my physical form, or biological sex. In other words, I have what is essentially a female personality in a male body. And I am not gay, at least biologically. I have a strong interest in the female sex." Tabitha gave me a thumbs up, which got a frown from her parents. But in reality it manifests itself in a girl-girl type interaction. So I guess I can now officially say I'm a lesbian." Tabitha gave me a big hug.

I looked at Howard, and smiled. "And I react to the presence of a big strong man and his pheromones like any hormone-saturated teenage girl. But not so much for sex, but rather for the security and companionship." Howard nodded.

"What makes my variation so unusual is that I don't have any separate need to be a girl, to dress like one, or change my physical body." Mom and Dad looked relieved. "That's why no one noticed anything different when I was younger, other than I didn't fit in with the other boys. Because I wasn't really a boy inside. That's also why I said that I'm the same person, as Samuel or Samantha. Samuel never really existed." I looked at my parents.

"Mom, Dad, I can wear a dress, or a pair of jeans, and nothing changes. In a pretty dress I feel like a pretty girl. In jeans I feel like I'm comfortable. I don't think of myself as a boy, or as girl, which it the unique part." I took a deep breath. This was going to be the hardest for them.

"As Dad already knows, because he gave the okay, and I found out yesterday, Dr. Hardwick placed me an a very low dose of female hormones and androgen blockers to prevent any major changes in my physical appearance due to going further through puberty as a boy, at least until I had a chance to learn more about what I wanted to be." Mom stared at Dad. She looked hurt and angry.

"Which was the right choice." I hugged Tabitha for support. Despite everything that has happened, I really do fit in much better as a girl. Socially and emotionally. Especially since my girlfriend is, in her own way, as lesbian as me." That got a couple of raised eyebrows from Mr. And Mrs. Schoolcroft. "But since she appreciates what makes me different from the other girls..." I had to pry Tabitha loose. "And as I said, I have no driving desire to be able to be intimate with a boy in the same way a real girl would. So I'm not interested in having a sex change."

Dad looked a bit green, and breathed a sigh of relief. Mr. and Mrs. Schoolcroft seemed to relax. "But I am going to continue on very carefully monitored hormones, so I can have a more natural girl's figure, while making sure that everything works in the event that I decide I want children of my own." Mom looked much happier, as did Stacey and the Schoolcrofts.

"And I am going to take Dr. Sheldon's advice immediately on one subject." I looked at Mom and Dad. "Unless you prevent me, I want to have my name legally changed to Samantha Michelle McNeil. A female high school student, and your second daughter."

Mom burst into tears and hugged me. Dad, just added himself to the hug. Everyone joined in. When we finally separated, and I looked at the acceptance in everyone's eyes, it was my turn to cry.

When all the tears dried up, and we were discussing the long and arduous path needed for those changes, Mr. Schoolcroft spoke up. "Samantha, would you object to some outside help in getting things accomplished? We all looked at him. "There are ways of making the system work faster. In the diplomatic corps they are as essential as proper etiquette for our jobs." He hugged his wife, who was smiling. "And my current assignment has some unique opportunities to let me make use of many such techniques."

He looked at Mom and Dad. "I can't tell you how I do things, or much more than I have. But with a couple of pieces of paper signed by both of you, and the loan of Samantha for the next few months, I suspect I can work a couple of minor miracles." He looked at his daughter. "Tabitha, would you and your, if the McNeils agree, temporarily adopted sister Samantha like to spend the rest of the winter and spring in Europe with us?"

Tabitha grabbed and hugged her father, and I faced my parents with a pleading look. Mr. Schoolcroft continued. "We will have Samantha back by early summer, if you agree."

"I'm jealous!" We looked wide-eyed at Stacey, but she was giggling as she tried for an unhappy face. "I'm the one that want's to go to Europe to study." I gave her a hug. "But little sisters always get treated better." That got Mom to suggest she catch up on her chores.

Howard, who had been silent for a long time, pulled me to him. "Samantha, you're doing the right thing. Wherever it leads. But whatever you do, stay in touch. Okay?" There was a tear in his eye, and a lot on his shoulder by the time we separated.

All four parents adjourned to the living room, and the four of us raided the kitchen. Howard looked perplexed. "Tabitha, how can your Dad adopt Samantha, especially as your sister? Didn't Dr. Sheldon say that just changing her name could take a year?"

She hugged me. "As long as it doesn't involve cutting off anything important, he's got a plan." Howard and I cringed. "And I've learned not to ask questions he can't answer." She looked at Stacey. "Bet when you're ready to go to school overseas he can find a way to help you." Stacey perked up quickly. We raided the refrigerator while Howard lamented the potential loss of his math and science tutor. I refused to feel guilty .

The school was notified when the new year began that Tabitha and I were spending the semester in Europe. Mr. Schoolcroft had Mom and Dad sign some weird papers that somehow transferred me to his guardianship, and we left for Washington five days after New Years. I got photographed and fingerprinted and poked and prodded and asked all sorts of weird questions, which Tabitha said were part of a security check. But when we got on the place to head for Europe a week later, my diplomatic passport read "Samantha Michelle Schoolcroft, female."

Epilogue:

I wish I could tell people about that five months, but the first thing I learned about diplomatic stuff is that it's private. I can say that in February I was checked into a clinic in Copenhagen, under a completely different name, and when I was checked out nearly three weeks later there was no way anyone, short of pulling my panties off and looking carefully, would ever know I was still a functional male. I hurt and walked funny for a while, but Tabitha was a great help in gently massaging the healing areas.

My breasts were the best that money could buy, small and shapely. And they had repositioned things in my crotch so I could pretty much tuck everything away inside. Which meant I had to keep my bikini line trimmed, as Tabitha and I spent a lot of time swimming once I healed. They also did something to my Adam's apple and eyebrow ridges that made them less prominent. I liked the new look. So did Tabitha. And the hormones did their job in one area. My nipples were really feminine, and as sensitive as Tabitha's. Which made our bedroom activities even more enjoyable.

When we all returned, Tabotha's parents took a year's leave of absence and stayed in the local area. So we all got to attend Howard, Stacey, and Margie's graduation ceremonies. Howard and Margie are going off together to the University of Chicago, Howard to study business, and Margie to study international finance. And anatomy. Howard's.

Stacey somehow got a scholarship to study in Scotland. Mr. Schoolcroft denied any part in things, but did a lot of smiling. Tabitha and I know what went on. And are not talking.

Only a few students at Hanover seem to remember me as the boy who wore a dress. And fewer seemed to care. Too much real world happening, like applying for college and trying to get decent grades.

Tabitha and I are still as close as sisters. We were startled when Mom and Dad decided to let me stay as Tabitha's official sister. And the Schoolcrofts didn't seem to mind a bit. Besides, for our senior year we were going to stay at our house, as the Schoolcrofts were heading off to a new assignment overseas. Anne retired from taking care of their house. She married an old friend from Maine and moved to the coast. We threw her a huge party. And cried when she drove off that final time.

Because I am now legally female, I can't officially marry Tabitha. At least not in this country. But we don't really mind. We are closer than most married couples will ever be, and have no plans on changing that. Besides, it's a lot easier to get student housing as sisters.

I did finally meet that engineer Howard's father recommended. And followed her advice. So in the fall, I start engineering school on a scholarship provided by Adkins Industries. Tabitha has decided to study biophysics, and we will begin school at, well, I can't say. We had to change our last names again to make her father's job easier. But the school is among the best in the world. And we have a dorm room all to ourselves.

We are all planning to get together next Christmas for the Grand Ball. Tabitha still wears her corset, so she' got an incredible figure. My figure is just fine, but Tabitha keeps saying she's going to squeeze me down a couple of sizes. And I think I found where she ordered me a new corset or three. We have permanent invitations to the Ball. And Angeline insists we be there. We will, since we all owe her, in one way or another, for helping us find our path in life.

--finis.

 

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