The story of Catherine Lawrence is in 15 parts and I apologise for such a long story but it got out of hand. All 15 parts are completed and for those who like to print the story so you can read it in bed, I will have all 15 parts posted soon.
Carmenica

 

Catherine Lawrence

by Carmenica Diaz

 

Part 4

We celebrated immediately. Mark was waiting for us at a pricey restaurant and he shouted and danced with glee when we told him.

'Don't cause a ruckus,' I whispered, looking around.

'Like you didn't when you walked in,' he joked and then grew serious. 'You've done it, how do you feel?'

'I don't know, I think I'm still numb. I don't know what I'm going to do.'

'What?' Mark was incredulous. 'My dear Cate, you must do it! You must!'

'Leave her alone, Mark,' Bel said. 'I think I understand.'

I looked at her gratefully. 'You do?'

'You think you're lying, deceiving people, don't you?'

Mark immediately scoffed at that. 'That's called acting, darling, acting!'

She was about to say something when a man in a stylish dark suit and tie approached the table. 'I'm terribly sorry,' he said with a warm smile, 'I'll only intrude for a moment but I simply must know who you are,' he said, turning to me.

I thought I heard Bel giggle but when I turned to glare at her I saw she was smiling innocently. 'I'm sorry?' I said as graciously as I could to the man, as I knew my cheeks were burning.

'My friends tell me you're either a famous American movie star or a model. We'd like to satisfy our curiosity.' He smiled again, his eyes twinkled and I wondered if my cheeks could get any redder. A small voice inside me said, he's rather dishy, isn't he? Am I becoming attracted to men? Impossible!

'I'm afraid I'm nobody,' I murmured and I saw Mark look the man up and down.

'Nobody?' The man pretended to be shocked. 'I'm surprised. Does this nobody have a name? I'm sorry, I'm terribly rude.' He fumbled inside his coat and produced his business card. I took it and read it.

Stephen Edwardes
Director of Marketing
Sascha Cosmetics

I put the card down and Mark pounced on it before handing it to Bel after he had read it. 'And you are?' Stephen prompted.

I smiled. 'You don't give up, do you?'

'Curiosity is a terrible thing,' he said with a smile.

'Catherine Lawrence,' I admitted and he smiled again.

'She's an actor,' Mark interjected. 'We're celebrating a part she has just won.'

'How wonderful. So my friend who claimed you were a movie star was correct?'

'No,' I smiled, 'I prefer the theatre.'

'How discerning of you,' he murmured. 'And the play is?'

'Silken Memories,' Bel interjected, plainly enjoying my discomfort. 'Written by Sarah Wright.'

'A brilliant writer and with you, Miss Lawrence,' he bowed slightly, 'I'm sure it will be a success. I'm afraid I've been a bore. Please forgive my intrusion and allow me to contribute to your celebration.' He walked away; spoke to the waiter and in a moment, champagne had appeared on the table.

'He's rather attractive, isn't he? Rather like Colin Firth.' Mark said watching Stephen return to his table. Immediately the other man and the two women at the table began talking to him.

'I suppose,' I said, trying to be nonchalant.

Bel spluttered into giggles. 'You have the gracious ice queen thing down pat. Poor guy.'

'Was I rude?' I asked worriedly and she immediately squeezed my hand.

'No, of course not.' The waiter poured champagne into my glass and I watched it fizzle. 'You have to thank him, Cate,' Bel whispered.

I sipped the champagne, turned in my chair, raised my glass towards Stephen's table and smiled with a small nod. Stephen returned the smile and raised his glass.

'I wonder if that's his wife?' I murmured and Bel and Mark exploded into giggles. 'Did I say that out loud?'

'I'm afraid you did, old darling,' Mark laughed.

 

We skirted around the issue of what I was going to do while we enjoyed the meal. I looked at Bel and Mark and wondered if I would ever be able to repay them for helping me to get to where I am. I had learned so much about myself and life was no longer grey and dull. Winning the audition was simply icing on the new cake I now called my life.

The entire thing had been about winning the audition but I had discovered so much about myself during the process that the victory, if that what it was, wasn't as sweet as I thought it would be. I had won something more important, I had discovered myself and now knew who I was.

I had discovered I enjoyed being Cate Lawrence, in fact, I was Cate, and Cate was more me than Christopher had ever been. Did I really want to return to that drab and grey existence? I had a close friendship with Belinda, a friendship I'm sure Christopher wouldn't have had and Mark seemed more relaxed and helpful to Cate than he had ever been with poor Chris.

'I should ring Lucy,' I murmured at last and they nodded. 'I don't have a phone.'

'Use mine,' they both said, plonking their mobile phones on the tablecloth.

I laughed and took Lucy's business card from my purse. 'Thanks,' I said, picking a phone up. 'Lucy? It's Cate.'

'Cate! Thank God, I wondered where you were.'

'Sorry, celebrating with friends. I should have called.'

'I understand. Cate, you were brilliant today, Sarah couldn't stop talking about you, Henri thinks you're…'

'Lucy, you don't have to do this,' I interrupted. 'I don't want flattery, it's ok.'

She paused. 'Cate,' she said at last. 'I'm not flattering you, I'm telling the truth. You'll get to know I'm blunt but tell the truth. I have the contracts, can you come in and sign them?'

I hesitated. 'I'll come in tomorrow but we must talk first.'

'You've got another agent?'

Her voice was so unlike what I expected from Lucy, so plaintive I couldn't help but laugh. 'Goodness no, but we do need to talk. What time?'

'Ten?'

'Perfect. I'll see you then.'

Mark and Bel watched me put the phone down. 'Thanks,' I said.

They ignored that. 'Well?' Bel demanded.

'I'm going to have to tell her, I can't lie. I'm sorry.'

Mark shook his head. 'Most people would. You're a good person, Cate,' he said soberly.

'Maybe.' I tried to smile. 'Will you both come with me?'

'Of course,' they said together.

 

Later, after I had cleaned my face, I sat on my bed in my nightdress and thought, was this the end?

'Knock knock,' Bel said as she pushed the door open and I tried to smile at her. 'Can I come in?'

'Of course.'

She sat cross-legged on the bed, the tee shirt she wore to bed tight across her knees. 'What are you thinking?' Bel asked softly.

'Oh, I don't know. That this is the last night for Cate, I guess.' I looked away, wondering if I was going to cry.

'It doesn't have to be,' Belinda said quietly and I looked at her, blinking.

'What do you mean?'

'I think Cate is a wonderful person who just happens to be a great actor as well. If she chooses not to act, that's ok. She's still my friend,' Bel added, holding my hands.

'You mean that?'

'We're friends aren't we?' she asked. I nodded. 'Best friends?' I nodded again.

'Thanks Bel,' I croaked and we hugged.

'You want to be a woman, don't you?'

There, it was said, it was out there and I felt my heart pounding.

'Yes,' I whispered, head down, hiding my burning cheeks.

Bel gently tilted my face up. 'It's ok, Cate. I understand and I understand the confusion. You became a woman to get the part and now, you're thinking you'll take the part so you can afford to make the transition?'

'How did you know?'

'I guessed.' She shrugged. 'You don't have to tell Lucy, you know. You could just take the part and go on.'

I shook my head. 'Bel, that's tempting and I'd be lying if I didn't say I had thought about it but, well, it's hard to explain. Lucy was always kind to Chris in her own way. I can't lie to people like that, it's wrong, it's…'

'Shush,' Bel said, placing a finger to my lips. 'You're a nice person Cate, I'm glad to be your friend. No matter what you decide, I'll still be your friend.'

She got off the bed, kissed my cheek and smiled. 'Good night.'

 

The three of us were depressed as we walked into the foyer of Lucy's fashionable office. We all felt sad but none of us felt like talking about it. Bel gave me a comforting look as I approached the reception desk where a young woman with short blonde hair sat.

I had chosen to dress simply, skirt, turtleneck ribbed sweater and jacket with tights and heels.

'Hello,' I said, smiling at the young woman, although I certainly didn't feel like it. 'I'm Catherine Lawrence.'

'Of course,' she said with a smile. 'I'll get Miss Richards assistant.

A black woman with a bright smile hurried towards us. 'Miss Lawrence?' I nodded and she seemed to be taken aback when Belinda and Mark materialised at my side but she carried on. 'I'm Jennifer. Miss Richards is running slightly late, she asked me to take you to her office. Can I get anyone refreshments? Coffee or tea? Anything?'

She showed us in as we all miserably rejected her offer of refreshments and found seats in the office. Jennifer surveyed the miserable scene. 'Well, she said brightly. 'Miss Richards won't be long.'

Lucy burst into the office moments later and excitedly waved some documents at me. 'It's all here…' She tailed off when she saw Belinda and Mark seated in the office as well. 'What are you doing here?'

Mark gestured to Lucy to shut the door. 'We had to come, darling,' he said sadly, glancing at me. 'We're Cate's friends, we're here for support.'

Lucy's eyes darted around the room. 'Support? What's going on?' She fixed her gaze on me and I wished I could shrink into nothing. 'Cate?'

I cleared my throat. 'I'm retiring from acting,' I said in a broken voice. I felt miserable and suddenly, tears were rolling from my eyes once again.

'Cate?' Lucy asked softly when she saw the tears. 'What's the problem? Everything can be solved, everything.'

'No it can't,' I wailed and Bel gave me some tissues.

'Lucy,' Belinda said. 'I don't know how to say it so I guess I'll just come out with it if Cate agrees.' She looked at me and I nodded.

'What?' Lucy demanded, leaning against her desk.

'Cate used to be someone else.'

'She worked under another name?' Lucy smiled in relief. 'So what? I can fix that. Is there another agent involved?' she asked, suddenly suspicious and I shook my head. 'Right,' Lucy said brightly, 'no problem. What name was it?'

'Christopher Redden,' Mark said softly, staring at the desk.

'What?' We all looked away from her and Lucy collapsed into her chair, mouth gaping open. 'Impossible,' she murmured at last, staring at me. 'Tell me this is a joke.'

'It's no joke,' Mark said slowly. 'It's definitely not a joke.'

Lucy stared at me as I wiped my eyes and I tried to smile. 'I'm sorry, Lucy,' I whispered.

She peered at me. 'I can't see it,' she said, 'I can't. Is this a joke?' she repeated suspiciously. 'Is there a camera here? Mark, what are you playing at?'

'I'm not playing at anything, Lucy.'

Lucy looked at me, screwed her eyes up, peered at me and then shook her head. 'It can't be. This is a joke, isn't it?' she asked hopefully again.

'No,' I whispered.

'Jesus,' Lucy said suddenly, scrambling in her desk drawer. 'I need a cigarette. Don't let Jennifer in here, she'll make my life hell if she knows I'm smoking again.' The lighter flashed and she inhaled deeply and then exhaled blue grey smoke. 'I should have guessed,' Lucy muttered after a long moment. 'No one puts emotion into lines like you do.'

Suddenly, she chuckled. 'Poor old Richard, he'd have a heart attack.'

Despite ourselves, we all managed weak grins. 'So,' Lucy said firmly, 'what happens now you've proved you can get a part?'

'I'm retiring,' I murmured and Bel and Mark looked at me in shock. 'I'm giving up acting.'

'Giving up?' Even Lucy was shocked. 'You, give up acting? And what happens to Cate, she just disappears?'

'No,' I said face down, 'Cate stays.'

Bel smiled and took my hand, Mark's eyes widened and then he too smiled in support. Lucy stared at me and I lifted my head to defiantly meet her gaze. 'Do I understand what you're saying? You want to remain a woman, remain as Cate?'

'Yes,' I whispered.

'You are very brave,' Bel said, squeezing my hand.

'I see,' Lucy said, almost to herself, gazing into space. 'Who else knows about this, apart from you three?'

We looked at each other. 'My doctor,' I said and Mark nodded.

'Doctor?' Lucy raised an eyebrow. 'You are serious, aren't you. Doctors are bound to observe patient confidentiality but we can tidy that up to make sure. What's his name?'

'Her name,' Mark corrected Lucy. 'Helen Waters.'

Lucy wrote the name down on a pad. 'I'll get the numbers off you later. Anyone else?'

'Not that I can think of,' Mark said, looking at Bel and I.

Belinda shook her head, 'No one else.'

'No one,' I added. I had dried my eyes and now arranged myself a little more comfortably in the chair.

'Why do you want to know this? What are you getting at, Lucy?' Belinda asked.

'Yes, dearie,' Mark said, 'spill.'

Lucy put her pen down, took one last drag from the cigarette and then stubbed it out. She pulled a can of air freshener from her bottom draw and sprayed the room. 'My assistant is a real bitch,' she explained apologetically and, despite ourselves, we laughed.

'Well,' Lucy began, 'why does it have to stop? Why not go on with it?'

All eyes were on me. 'I don't want to lie.'

'It's not lying,' Lucy said firmly. 'You are planning to be a woman?'

'I hope so,' I murmured, 'I think so.'

'Exactly, so it's not a lie. Fuck, Cate!' Lucy suddenly exclaimed. 'I look at you now I only see the beautiful and talented Cate Lawrence. It was meant to be.'

'But what if it doesn't work out? What if it's only the novelty,' I glanced at Bel as I said it. 'What if I decide to go back to, you know…'

'Cate, you can't even say it! Alright,' she said more calmly, 'if you change your mind and want to stop, want to be a man, then it is a lie.'

The silence in the room was deafening. 'And then?' I asked meekly.

'Then? Well, of course we stop because then it would be a lie.'

'Are you saying,' Bel asked with a note of wonder, 'that Cate should take the part?'

Lucy sat back in her chair and spun around, arms outstretched. 'Well, can anyone tell me why she shouldn't?'

'I can't think of a reason,' Mark said with a big smile and Lucy turned on him.

'Why are you involved in this, Mark? Did you start it?' Suspicion was heavy in her voice and I stared at him. I wanted to know too.

'Ok,' he said, his camp persona vanishing. 'I admit I started it but Cate is so talented and before she,' he looked around for a word, found it and continued, 'blossomed, she was miserable and yet I could see there was so much talent. I'm a good friend,' he said quietly, staring at me, 'sometimes good friends try to do what's best. I planned it and when the opportunity came, I took it.'

I couldn't help myself; I quickly went over and hugged him. 'Thanks,' I said softly.

'It's ok. Don't worry, I still prefer men.' He winked and I hugged him again with a laugh.

'What about you,' Lucy asked Bel.

'I'm her friend,' Belinda said, 'that's it. I helped her although,' she said with a smile, 'she didn't need much help.'

'You're not lovers?' Lucy snapped and we were shocked.

'Lucy!'

'Why would you say that?' Bel demanded and Lucy calmly shrugged.

'There's already talk that you two are lesbian lovers, that's ok, talk I can handle but I don't want to be surprised by any compromising photographs, understood?'

Mark chortled. 'Do it in the dark, girls.'

Bel threw a cushion at him, which he easily ducked. The mood in the room was vastly different to the mood when we entered. Was it really only thirty minutes ago? It felt like a year or two had passed.

'Cate, what do you think?' Lucy asked quietly, looking hard me. 'It's a fantastic part.'

'I know,' I said, 'it's wonderful but… I don't know.'

Belinda smiled. 'You can do it Cate, you know you can.'

I stared into space, trying to think. It felt right, I wanted to but I was afraid, afraid of something, perhaps it was just fear of the unknown.

'Cate,' Lucy said quietly. 'Sarah has gambled a lot on this, it's an edgy play, we all know that but she believes in it.'

'We all do,' I protested. 'It's fantastic.'

'She couldn't get backers; she's mortgaged her house on this, Cate. Without the right Simone, the play dies. I think we all know no one can play Simone like you.' I suddenly saw why Sarah had so much control.

'There you go,' I said blinking against the tears, 'flattering again.'

Lucy shook her head. 'Not flattery, Cate, just the truth. As I said, once you get to know me…'

I looked up at her with surprise. 'I hope I can get to know you,' I said slowly

'I think we'll work well together, I'm already incredibly impressed by Catherine Lawrence.'

I wiped my eyes. 'Ok,' I said, 'I'll do it.'

Bel shrieked and hugged me, Mark cheered and Lucy pumped her fist in the air.

'Ok,' Lucy said, taking control. 'No one else is to know, understood?' We all nodded. 'I'll talk to your doctor, when do you see her again?'

'I'll make an appointment but I'll tell her.'

'Ok but make sure she understands how important it is. Do not go to Chris Redden's flat,' she commanded. 'I'll send someone to clean it out and to terminate the lease.' I must have looked shocked because she asked in a gentler voice, 'Are you ok with that?'

'Yes,' I said in a small voice.

'It's better this way,' Belinda said, comforting me.

'Where are you staying now?'

I looked at Bel who answered firmly, 'Cate and I share a flat until she gets her own.' She glanced at me. 'She can stay as long as she likes.'

'Ok,' Lucy sighed. 'I'm going to have to handle the lesbian lovers thing. Could work to our advantage, though. I'll get to work building a history for you and you'll have to know it well. How do you explain Mark?'

'How do you explain him?' Bel asked and we laughed again.

'We went to school together or something,' I said timidly.

'Great idea,' Lucy said, scribbling. 'And Belinda?'

'Belinda and I actually did go to school together,' Mark volunteered and I gaped.

'I know, terrible isn't it?' Belinda said with a smile.

'Perfect. I'll need details of the school and some other things but I'll get those later. But,' Lucy said with a smile, pushing some papers towards me, 'I have a contract for the amazing Catherine Lawrence to sign. You two can witness it.'

'Is it ok?' I asked her, trusting her instantly, and she smiled.

'They tried a few things on like enforced movie deals etc but I got us out of that. No, it's a good contract and you'll make money if the play does well.'

'It will,' I said firmly, signing.

'It will now,' Lucy said with a smile.

 

Lucy took some photos of me with her digital camera for her records and to mount in the foyer along with the other artists she represented. She then shooed us out of her office and we were suddenly standing on the footpath. Mark and Belinda hugged me. 'You did the right thing, darling,' Mark said. 'You really did.'

'I think so too,' I said with a small smile.

'You know you did,' Belinda added.

Mark was off to the airport; he had a flight to catch to Germany where he was performing for four weeks. 'I'll be there on opening night,' he promised.

'You better,' I said as he jumped into a taxi.

'Lucy surprised me,' I admitted as Bel and I walked down the high street to find a coffee. A part of me wanted to say, you're walking down the street as a woman and you're not concerned? Another part of me, the bigger part or at least it seemed to be taking over said, forget it, it's you.

'Why?' Bel said as we sat down. 'She's smart and she gets to manage the two leading actors in what will be a hit play as well as the possibility of making you a superstar.'

I blushed. 'Stop it.'

Belinda seized my hand and held it firmly. 'Listen to me, Cate. You told them yesterday that you trust my advice?' I nodded. 'Good, because I don't lie. You were great yesterday and I know you will be great in the part. Don't forget you rehearsed with me, I've seen how you get into character and other things,' she said with a smile and looked me up and down. 'You look great, you're natural and now,' she said with a smile patting my hand as the waiter approached, 'be beautiful and regal because every one in this coffee shop is watching you.'

End of Catherine Lawrence Part 4 by Carmenica Diaz

  

  

  

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