Lorraine might not initially have been all that happy with the turn of events, but armed with her mother's advice, taken literally, she was soon hatching a plan to take over control.

 

The Catalogue

by Catherine Rose

 

Chapter 14 – Something I Hadn't Considered

 

My life was as close to perfection as I could have ever imagined. Working in the Lingerie Department of the local department store, right in the heart of the women's wear section, not to mention a plethora of women's boutiques in which to spend my lunch times within the mall complex itself. What more could a girl possibly want?

Home was like one big happy Hen's Party. With mum "Judge and Jury" over all day-to-day eventualities, and Aunt Tina, Jill and I her willing female proteges, there was a simplicity to our lives that made disharmony almost impossible.

With my life taking on this rosy glow of a fairy tale, albeit one devoid of any masculinity, I guess it was only a matter of time before fate threw up an unwelcome complication…

"But, mum," I pleaded. "I have no interest in boys."

"Well they clearly have an interest in you," mum replied, stating the obvious. "And if I'm not mistaken this is a sign of things to come for you, Lorraine. So you better get used to it."

"Are you telling me that I should go out with him?" I asked in a mixture of horror and disbelief.

"What I'm saying is that a girl your age needs to mix more… with both boys and girls. This party seems like the perfect opportunity for you. You've clearly shown you've wanted to be a girl so you can hardly expect to avoid its natural consequences. Hiding out at home on your own is not what being a girl is about. What's the point of having nice clothes to wear if you have no one to show them off to? Part of the pleasure of being a woman is the attention you receive, especially from boys."

"At least you don't have to worry about getting pregnant," teased my sister.

"Thanks, Jill." I replied. "That's all I need to hear."

"How do you know anyway?" continued my mother undeterred.

"How do I know what?"

"… that you aren't interested in boys? All girls say that at some stage and then miraculously find they quite like them once they give them a chance."

"Yeah, sis! You must give them a chance. I just know you're gonna like them."

"I'm not gay, " I protested.

"Neither am I," snapped back Jill.

"Whether you chose the 'company' of boys or girls, Lorraine," said mum, "you know we'll love you just the way you are. But I think Jill has a point here. You need to look in the mirror, girl, because you seem to have forgotten something. You're a beautiful young lady now and boys are going to be interested in you whether you like it or not. You are going to have to face this one day so it might as well be sooner rather than later!"

My face couldn't have gone any redder. While this certainly wasn't what I wanted to hear, I knew mum was right. I just never anticipated being in such a dilemma. Sure, I always wanted to be a girl, but not because I was ever attracted to boys. Quite the opposite, in fact – I was so-o attracted to girls that I wanted to become one of them. That this would mean having to date boys was something I had completely overlooked. Now I felt I had no way out. I was going to have to say "yes" to my first date! My mind raced about in a panic:

"He'll probably want to hold my hand… And what if he expects me to kiss him…? My God, what if Jill is right and he tries to get into my pants…?" This was just too horrifying to even contemplate. I slid into a hot bath, trying to put these matters as far away from my mind as I could.

  

Chapter 15 – Nowhere To Hide

Andrew might have been as shy as they come but he was the one that had thrown my orderly life a curve ball. He hardly even spoke to me, yet he couldn't stop staring at me. I found this so unnerving, as if there was something wrong with me. And when our eyes did happen to meet, he would immediately turn away as if he was trying to ignore me altogether. I felt so embarrassed. I wished he would just say what he had to say to me and leave me alone. Little did I realise that I would be even more embarrassed after he had blurted out what he was on about.

"Will you go out with me?" he said from out of left field.

"What?" I replied nearly falling off my stool. I suppose I should have seen this coming, yet it never occurred to me that a male would ever be interested in me.

"I-it's my brother's 21^st birthday on Saturday…"

I couldn't think of a thing to say. "… I don't know…" I declared after a long silence, fleeing from the staff room as quickly as I could.

But Andrew, who worked in the Appliance Department, shared the same break times as I, so we were always bumping into one another. There was just no avoiding him the next day at morning tea. As mum had pointed out the night before, this wasn't something that was about to go away. I took a deep breath.

"Okay," I said going as red as a beetroot.

"Okay, what?" he said looking perplexed.

"Okay, I'll go out with you."

"You mean it…? That's great!"

I sat there nervously for as long as I could stand it, waiting for him to say something.

"Well,…how will we get there?" I said after keeping silent for as long as I could.

"Oh… I'll pick you up at 7," he replied.

"Don't you want to know my address or something…?"

"Oh, yes… Where do you live…? Actually, I already know… I saw it on your employee record…"

I couldn't believe it. Was he some sort of a stalker? At least we had settled this part of the deal. Now all I had the worry about was what to wear. I could hardly go looking like a Plain Jane, yet I didn't want to get too flash in case I gave him the wrong idea. The last thing I wanted to do was to encourage him.

"Have your accessories speak for you rather than your clothes." As always, mum seemed to know exactly what to do. "I had a similar dilemma with your father, God rest his soul. I didn't want to take any chances with him since he seemed so macho at the time. Not at all as kind and gentle as you, Tina. At least he brought us together, my love."

I giggled as much at mother's overt flirting as Tina's obvious embarrassment.

So I settled for a fine gauge knit halterneck top and a knee length skirt with centre back invisible zip opening. I accessorised with big hooped earrings, a chain bracelet, and a drop waist belt. Mum did amazing things with the curling wand that set my hair off perfectly. The affect was stunning yet modest.

Andrew arrived right on queue. Mum made me go straight upstairs as soon as the doorbell rang even though I was ready.

"You can't make him think you are too eager. You have to make him sweat a bit."

"Oh, mum. He's such a klutz already. If you get him any more nervous he might die before we even go anywhere."

Having to wait upstairs all alone only served to make me more nervous. I wished we just got it over and done with but there was no use arguing with mum.

"That's long enough now, Lorraine," mum whispered as she knocked and entered my room. "Give me time to get back before making your entrance. And remember to do it like we practised."

"Lorraine will be down any minute," came my queue from downstairs.

There was so much more to being a woman than I could ever have imagined. All this game play, I wondered whether I'd ever understand it. No wonder Kevin, my former self, hadn't done well with girls.

"Hi, Andrew," I said nonchalantly noticing him gasp as mum had predicted he would. "I hope you haven't been waiting long."

"O-oh, n-no," he babbled as he jumped to his feet. "You look great, Lorraine."

"Thank you," I replied coyly. "Shall we go?"

I got a bit nervous when he took me by the hand but mum had forewarned me about this. I tried not to think too much about it as I meekly followed him out to the car and onto the party where I followed him around like a puppy on a lead. One thing soon became clear about Andrew, he certainly was a gentleman. He held open doors for me, he introduced me to his friends, he got me drinks, and best of all he wasn't one of those guys who leave their girlfriends to fend for themselves while they go off to get drunk with their mates.

I'd never been made such a fuss of and I had to admit that I started to really enjoy myself. He didn't even seem that much of a nerd when around people he knew. We talked, we laughed, I even let him get away with putting his arm around me, mainly because I was so relaxed at the time that I hadn't noticed it until he softly planted a kiss on the base of my neck. It felt so nice that I momentarily forgot myself. By the time I realised what was going on it was all over. I tried dismissing it from my mind and before I knew it time had gone so fast everyone started heading home.

This time there was no mistaking it as he put his arm around me and guided me back to his car. But the evening air had cooled and I welcomed the warmth of his arm across my shoulders. On reaching his car, though, he once again buried his lips into the base my neck and sensuously munched on them for what seemed like ages. I held my breath in sheer delight as he slowly spun me around to face him with the tip of his tongue gently dancing along my chin and into my mouth. As our lips met for the first time, I found myself doing something I'd sworn I'd never do – I relaxed into his arms like putty and returned his kisses with pleasure!

I'm embarrassed to say that it was Andrew who released our embrace first. I tucked my skirt under and eased myself back into the seat, spinning my knees around together as mum had trained me to do. As Andrew closed the door behind me, I was relieved to find myself sitting in the front seat, almost in a panic from the realisation that I had so totally lowered my guard that he could have easily been having his way with me in the back seat.

Not another word was spoken between us as I tried to comprehend what had just taken place. I dismissed the thought that I was gay by continuously reminding myself over and over that I was a girl. But if I had genuinely enjoyed Andrew's advances so much, then surely I must have been gay before. And if that had been the case, then I must have been gay even now.

My mind continued to race around out of control until Andrew pulled over the side of the road outside my house and started feasting on my neck once again, this time with his hand stroking my breast!

"Please," I begged him. "Not on our first date."

Like a true gentleman, he released his hold, turned my face towards his, and danced his tongue back into my mouth. I felt my legs spread wide apart as if my body was inviting him to do something I knew we shouldn't. Thank God my skirt was long enough to drape over my knees else my demeanour might have been too much for even Andrew to resist.

As we rested our heads against one another, I realised it was time to go.

"Thank you for a wonderful time," I said momentarily looking him in the eye.

"Me, too," he replied.

I opened the car door and fled home.

    

Chapter 16 – Telltale Signs

"Well it certainly looks like you had a good time, Lorraine."

"What do you mean, mum?"

"I think you better check your make-up, love."

I nearly died from embarrassment when I saw my lipstick smudged all over my lips. I had completely overlooked the mess that kissing might cause.

"We might have to DNA test Lorraine's panties, mum."

I turned in panic at Jill's remark, realising that worse than kissing a boy was having everyone know about it.

"You must tell me everything," Jill said blocking my escape route. "You know us girls always need to know absolutely all the details.

"My God, Lorraine," my mum said. "Are those love bites?"

"Gee, Lorraine, he's a regular vampire," Jill exclaimed. "You better put some tooth paste on those otherwise you'll have massive bruises in the morning."

"Well I think you better sit down first, young lady, and tell us exactly what happened."

It was hard enough dodging Jill's questions but there was no way of escaping mum. I was trapped. I sat down in the lounge room with them and proceeded to talk about what I would rather have not even thought about. I tried playing innocent, claiming that I just didn't know how to handle his advances since it was somehow expected that I allowed him to kiss me.

"And of course, you didn't enjoy any of this, did you, sis?"

"Yes…I mean no… I mean…" I was as much confused by the proper way to answer a negative question as I was about the answer itself.

"I knew it!" Jill squealed with excitement. "I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!"

Going red with embarrassment did not help my cause. How could I deny how pleasurable my night out had been?

"You like boys every bit as much as I do."

"No, I don't. Not boys."

"Ah, but Andrew…?

I didn't think I could get any redder but my face and my silence gave me away again.

"I bet you can't wait till he starts playing with your little titties…"

I momentarily blanked out as that very thought sent a shiver through me.

"No! You've let him inside your bra on your first ever date…? My goodness you are a fast learner…"

"No!" I protested. "I made him stop…"

"And I bet you weren't enjoying that either…?"

"Yes… No… I mean…" Oh God, I really didn't know what I meant.

With that, I had to sit through one of mum's little talks while Jill kept giggling away at my expense in the background.

"No boy will ever respect you if word ever gets around that you are too easy. You have to be the one to say 'no', no matter how much you might enjoy whatever he'd like to do. That way, when you do decide to go all the way with a particular boy, it will be on your terms, not his. Remember that as the 'receptive energy', you are literally making a space to welcome him into your very self. Therefore, you have to be in control when this happens, not him."

I couldn't believe how quickly I had moved from a reluctance to ever having anything to do with a boy, to willingly engaging in what mum described as 'sexual foreplay', to then having to sit through discussions about sexual intercourse with one. And the worse thing of all was that, once again, I could see that mum was right! Like it or not, this was what I had signed up for. There was no escaping it now. As she kept reminding me, "There were no half measures".

Even though it was very late, I felt so dirty that I had to run myself a warm bubble bath for myself so I could soak in its sweet scent. I slipped into my nicest nightie for comfort from my traumatic night – a lilac chiffon and satin chemise with a matching wrap. While none of this could take away any of my anguish, at least it all helped to make me feel nicer.

When I finally dragged my sorry self into bed, I dozed restlessly in a mixture of shock and excitement. I felt so ashamed of myself, yet strangely exhilarated. I wanted to completely blot everything out, yet in reality I couldn't stop replaying it detail by sordid detail. What had become of me that I would feel so turned on by something that only days earlier would have (should have) totally revolted me?

  

Chapter 17 – The Morning After, The Night Before

Something must have happened to me once I fell asleep for I awoke with none of the shame that I had gone to bed with, only an inner joy and a tingling sensation at the thought of seeing Andrew again. I lay in bed imagining him stroking and caressing my entire body. I reached for my "mother's little helper" from the top draw of my bedside table, pretending that it was his throbbing member that was sliding in and out of my crevices until… I ruptured in sheer delight.

The bruises on my neck shocked me when I saw myself in the mirror. Fortunately they were mainly at the base of my neck but they still necessitated a major re-think of my wardrobe for the next week or so. Even though summer was not yet over, cowlneck, poloneck and turtleneck tops I had bought for late autumn would have to form the basis of my attire together with the long skirts and trousers that I had bought to go with them.

I resented this, of course, as much for having to cover up earlier than would normally have been necessary as much for the fact that it took more effort to feel attractive and feminine in such clothes. That was, after all, what had ignited my desire to want to become a girl in the first place.

There was, however, an unexpected benefit. I was surprised by all the compliments I received at work. I had accidentally become some sort of a trendsetter for new season fashions with all the positive attention that I now know comes with this. But I was totally floored by the comments of my boss, a lady of my mother's vintage:

"It's wonderful to see you maturing from the little girl we first hired to a more confident and stylish woman."

As if to reinforce her observation, I noticed that older women customers started to treat me with a whole lot more respect. This opened up an entire new avenue of sales for me. Between my obvious enthusiasm for "women's underwear" and my natural flare for sales, I was not only enjoying my job but I was also impressing all the right people. So much so that I was put on an internal management-training program that included time off to attend a course at the local polytechnic.

And through all this newfound fame, I never forgot my mother's telling words, nor the plan they had spurned overnight after our little talk:

"You have to be in control… , not him."

I was going to make Andrew pay for what he had done to me and at the same time clearly establish who was in charge from now on. I knew that he would want to pick up from where he had left off with me. The trick was to stall him for as long as possible, without discouraging him too much that he could lose interest altogether. I had to build his excitement to fever pitch so that he would be putty in my hands.

"Would you like to go out again, sometime?"

"Really…? Wow, I don't know… I had a great time with you and all… but I haven't really dated much… perhaps it's too soon… perhaps another time…"

At other times, I would go out of my way to engage him.

"Did you see last night's episode of 'Charmed'," I'd say knowing full well that guys didn't have much interest in such shows. Then before he even had time to answer, I'd go into every minute detail I could think of from the show, babbling out enough girlish enthusiasm to drive him nuts. I was biding my time for the right moment and I didn't have long to wait.

"I've been invited to another 21st birthday. It seems like everyone I know is turning 21. Would you like to come, too? Nearly everyone you met last time will be there."

"Another 21st…? Gee, I had such a wonderful time last time… And you say everyone from last time will be there…? It sounds very tempting but I just don't know…"

"Oh, please," he almost begged. "Everyone will be asking for you if you don't go. What will I say to them?"

"Well…? All right then… Maybe just this once."

  

Chapter 18 – Changing of the Guard

This time, I decided I would be a whole lot less circumspect. You could say that I threw caution to the wind by deciding to dress deliberately provocatively while maintaining an air of girlish innocence. I wanted to drive Andrew wild with desire. Shy as he was, I knew I was safe enough in that he wouldn't be capable of trying anything too drastic with me.

I went for simplicity itself – a lace trim black mini-dress with shoestring straps… no jewellery, no jacket, not even a bra! Oh, I did decide on a pair of black lace panties because I hoped their outline would show through the skirt of the dress.

Andrew was going to be made to suffer without so much as a kiss, especially not anywhere near my neck. I would exact revenge for what embarrassment he had caused me and in so doing I was going to control and embarrass him instead.

This time, I deliberately kept him waiting for ages after he had arrived.

"Sorry I took so long… I just couldn't decide on this dress… Do you think I look all right in it?"

"Eh… eh…eh… y-y-you look g-g-great…"

"Are you sure…? I can change it if you like…?"

"Oh, no… please… you look really great…"

This time, it was I that took him by the hand to the car. Not only did that allow me to lead him around like a little lost puppy, but it also prevented him from getting too close to me. Any time he even looked like making a move on me, I'd fend him off or better still I'd get him to fetch me something.

"Oh, my. I've left my handbag in the other room… Could you get it for me please, Andy?"

Of course, I got a lot of attention from lots of other people at the party. In particular, I encouraged all the boys who came our way, pretending to be interested in all their boring old stories, giggling away and batting my eyelids in all the right places as if I was hanging on their every word.

And so it went, all according to plan. When I sensed Andy starting to despair I decided it was time to make my move.

"I feel I'm missing out on you, Andy," I whispered into his ear above the noise of the party. "Do you mind if we leave a little early tonight?"

"Yeah… Sure… Whatever you say, Lorraine… !!!"

"I thought you might like to come home with me for a coffee or something…My family will be well asleep by the time we get in."

The poor dear nearly had a heart attack. I was amazed how quickly he roused himself from his melancholia. He almost dragged me out to the car but I made sure that I stayed in control by dilly-dallying and saying goodnight to nearly everyone.

When we finally arrived at my home, I coyly lead him in the front door and straight upstairs to my room.

"Now I know there are things you would like to do with me," I whispered between gentle nips of his ear, "but first you are going to have to allow me to do things with you."

As I lead him in and closed the door, I knew from his desperate looking expression that I had him right at boiling point.

   

Chapter 19 – A New World Order Takes Shape

"Hi mum, Hi Tina," I said as I walked into the kitchen leading a very embarrassed Andrew in by the hand. "I'd like you all to meet my new girlfriend, Andrea…"

You could have heard a pin drop in the silence that followed. Even my mother, who had always seemed so firmly in control of everything, could only gape speechlessly at the sight of the two girls standing before her in matching satin chemises, mine in green, Andrea's in blue.

Don't you just love it when a plan comes together? And best of all, having asserted my control so emphatically I could scarcely contain my excitement at the endless possibilities that now lay ahead…

 

To Be Continued…

© 2003

 

 

 

*********************************************
© 2003 by Catherine Rose. All Rights Reserved. These documents (including, without limitation, all articles, text, images, logos, and compilation design) may be printed for personal use only. No portion of these documents may be stored electronically, distributed electronically, or otherwise made available without the express written consent of StorySite and the copyright holder.