Camp Shoni

by Pamela

pamelapamela@hotmail.com

 

Chapter 6

At dinner the day after his "commando raid" to Mrs. McGonagle's porch, Lorin listened guiltily as his mom related what she had heard that afternoon from Mrs. McGonagle. It seems that she had inadvertently scared off a burglar that previous evening when by chance she turned out her cat that had been annoying her. She had not actually seen the burglar, but this morning she had noticed that one of her sheets, which had been drying outdoors in the backyard, had gotten some terrible grease stains on it. In addition, she was sure that the burglar had left open the screen door so that her cat got out. She thinks that the burglar was intending to take some boxes of old clothes that were lying on the porch waiting for Goodwill to pick up. The strangest thing was that the burglar had added some old plastic pots to the boxes as if he wanted to take them also.

"Wow, how bizarre," Lorin's dad said. "Stealing plastic flower pots? I think that a more probable explanation is that Mrs. McGonagle forgot to lock the porch door; the cat got out and scratched the sheet. She probably absentmindedly put the flower pots in with the clothes. Or it could have been a raccoon," his dad said. "They like to clean up after eating and it could have used her sheet to dry its hands."

"Not funny," Lorin's mom said as she suppressed a laugh. "She has enough stress in her life without having to deal with burglars or pushy raccoons. Lorin was helping her yesterday afternoon. How was she then?"

"She seemed the same to me. She gave me milk and cookies."

"She is a sweet old lady. I hope we all can be as courageous as her when we get that old."

 

The time had come when Lorin was expecting a letter from Camp Shoni containing information about who his bunkmates would be. Would he be in a cabin of bunnies or with some wolves? Lorin was fearful of being put in a cabin with girls who saw themselves as wolves since he imagined they would be brash and over confident and probably not afraid of finding out anything they wanted about him. Particularly if they had any suspicions of whether or not he was really a girl! He knew that he was a bunny at heart. At least he understood that to mean that he was gentle, that he liked being a girl, that he took pleasure in his own femininity. The wolves probably did not feel that way. They probably hated wearing dresses. He couldn't imagine how any girl would not be absolutely ecstatic about have society's permission to wear skirts or dresses whenever they wanted. He envied girls that freedom and if his summer was to be perfect he wanted to be surrounded by girls who felt the same way as he did.

It is not an exaggeration to say that as each day came and went Lorin became more and more of a nervous wreck. He was worried about accidentally missing the envelope. Or it could arrive on Saturday when very likely his mom or dad would be first at the mail box. His fears were compounded when after dinner on Tuesday his mom called him into the study to listen to a voice mail message that had come in that day. She played it for him. It was a woman's voice: "Hello this is Jensen's department store. We want to let you know that Penny's bras have arrived. She can pick them up at any time. They're at the sales desk and we can hold them just until Saturday. Thank you."

Lorin came as close to having a stroke as somebody can without actually having one. While inside his mind he felt for sure that his arteries would burst, he forced himself to smile and feign ignorance.

"Gosh, mom, I don't know." A sudden desire came over to confess everything. The deception was too much for him to maintain any longer.

He searched for some words and his mom looked at him with amusement. "I think your friend Penny must have given Jensen's our phone number."

Lorin was speechless. "Why would she do that?"

"How many Penny's are there? I don't think it's a very common name around here. And the fact that it's our exact phone number. I was thinking that you should relay the message to Penny, assuming she's the one. Otherwise she might not know the bras have arrived."

"You mean tell her that her ..."

"Bras. They won't bite you Lorin. She'll be very grateful to you. Look, do you want me to call her up instead?"

"No! I'll tell her in school tomorrow. OK?"

"Sure. That's fine. You could just tell her Jensen's called about her order. You don't even have to mention that it was bras."

"Thanks, mom. That's what I'll do."

"Thank you. Now you better finish your homework."

 

The next evening at dinner Lorin's mom asked him if he'd relayed the message to Penny. Before he could say anything about it, his dad asked, "what message?"

"Yesterday Jenkins department store left a message that Penny's bras had arrived and she could come pick them up."

"On our answering machine?"

"Mom," Lorin broke in, blushing. "I told Penny about the message. What happened she guessed is that she and Janice were buying you know whats and while they were at the desk they were talking about the guest list for the party, and she was holding a list of phone numbers and names, and somehow by accident the woman wrote down the wrong number."

"How strange," his mom said with some amusement. "Kids can be so ditzy."

After dinner things got even tenser for Lorin when his dad called him into his study. In front of him was his check book. "We got the bill for the balance of your camp today. I need you to put it in the mail tomorrow," his dad said and then started chuckling. "It's actually very amusing." His dad let out a guffaw. "The secretary at that camp is a dodo!"

"What do you mean dad?" Lorin said trying to smile but feeling like he was about to be hit by a sledgehammer. How in the world did the letter get by him? He had carefully checked the mail that afternoon.

"Look!" his dad said and convulsed with laughter. He held up the bill and on it it said, "Balance due for camper Lauren Baxter" and below that a box next to "Camp Ne Zhoni Ahtad" had been checked. Well actually the check mark just missed the box by a tiny amount so that it was between the Camp Shoni box and the Camp Dan box.

"The secretary must have thought that Lorin was Lauren and just went ahead and turned you into a girl!" His dad shook with laughter.

Lorin desperately wanted to laugh but the intensity of blood rushing through his head made him feel faint. He managed a weak smile. "Gosh dad. It's pretty strange." He then saw the ripped open envelope on the desk and he picked it up and saw that the return address was just CCLN followed by a P.O. Box. "Damn," he thought. CCLN meant Confederated Camps of Lake Navajo. To his dad he said, "All the other stuff that came was for Camp Dan."

"I know Lorin; it's just a foolish error. I'll make a note about it on the form." His dad found a black marker pen and printed L O R I N over the Lauren that was there. He then put a large X on the square in front of Camp Dah-nes-tsa. "That should wake them up!" He wrote the check, slipped it and the camp form in the return envelope, sealed it, put a stamp on it and handed it to Lorin. "Don't forget to mail it tomorrow!"

"Thanks Dad, I won't."

"There are so many weird things going on around here, it's like we're haunted," Lorin's dad said chuckling to himself.

Ashen faced, Lorin walked back to his room thinking that he must be like a cat with nine lives and that maybe he had only one or two left. If he actually did end up getting to Camp Shoni it would have to be because God really wanted him to be wearing his pretty dress at the Cotillion. Why else would he have such good luck?

 

In the morning Lorin ripped open the envelope his dad had sealed and he made a hand written facsimile of the original form. In small letters near the bottom he wrote "original form got wet, hope this is OK." He addressed a new envelope to CCLN and placed the form and check inside and sealed it. On his way to school he mailed it.

 

That afternoon an oversized manila envelope addressed to Lauren Baxter from Camp Shoni arrived in the afternoon mail and Lorin breathed a big sigh of relief that he had gotten it before his parents would have seen it. The package clearly contained something soft inside and when Lorin opened it up, besides all the camp information he was expecting, there was a bright pink tee-shirt. Across the front it said, "I'm a bunny at Camp Ne-Zhoni Ah tad" with a cute picture of a smiling bunny in the middle. It was clear that he was going to be a bunny and Lorin found himself laughing with glee.

Inside the envelope was a form letter that had been filled out indicating that he was assigned to Cabin 4 and that the 8 girls in it would all be bunnies. Below this was a list of the eight girls including their names, phone numbers and email addresses. He was listed second after Ann. Following his name was Thalia, Susan, Eileen, Janet, Joan and Judy. Something about the reality of seeing his name included with seven other girls made him choke up with emotion and he stopped laughing. Here was living proof of the reality of what he had done. It was not just that he was running around planning to be a girl and buying and pilfering pretty clothes. No. He had forced others to be a part of his deception. There were seven girls in his cabin that now had gotten this same letter and saw a girl named Lauren Baxter and did not know that this girl was really a boy. He had no choice but to make sure that he was as perfect a girl as he could be, so they would never ever find out that they had been tricked.

It was also true that in his heart he was truly Lauren Baxter. He knew that he would definitely have more in common with the girls in his cabin than he would ever have with a group of boys in Camp Dan. That had to be true. Deep down inside himself he knew it had to be true. He smiled with the realization that it would not be hard to be Lauren this summer. He was emotionally a girl and by being himself, he would be Lauren.

The letter mentioned that the counselor for Cabin 4 would be Marilyn who was a sophomore at Penn State majoring in theatre. The letter encouraged the girls to either call or email each other ahead of time and asked them to wear their bunny tee shirts to camp the first day. Lorin saw that the form had his family phone number listed. If one of the girls called him he'd have to talk to her as Lauren. He would have to make up and practice using his Lauren voice. It also occurred to him that he would have to be prepared if one of the girls should call and his parents answered the phone.

He hid the shirt with his other Lauren clothes and turned on the downstairs television and flipped through the stations until he found a program with a group of teenage girls. He listened to them for a few minutes and then turned off the sound and tried imitating what he had heard. Then he turned the sound back on and listened some more. He repeated this for an hour until he heard his mom come home and he turned off the television and went back to his room. He guessed that he had a gift as an impressionist since he felt that with just a little more practice he would have a passable girl voice. The harder part was to say girl things in conversation. He had tried that with Penny and Janice and he knew that it did take some effort to get into talking about the kinds of subjects girls might be prone to talk about. In any event, over the phone he probably could do OK though he would pretend he was very shy so he wouldn't have to say very much. The moment he was on the bus heading to camp, however, he would have to jump completely into feeling, talking and acting like a girl.

 

Just like the previous Thursday, Lorin was free to go clothes hunting after school since Kenny was busy, so he decided he had better go get his bras at Jensen's Department store. He walked there after school, and the whole way there he hoped and prayed that he would have enough courage to buy the bras no matter what happened. He especially prayed that the woman he had bought his cotillion dress from would not be there, though since this was also a Thursday he figured she was likely to be working somewhere in the women's department.

Being a midweek afternoon, Lorin was relieved to see that the store was not well populated. Glancing around he saw no one he knew and he took the escalator up to the intimate apparel section. On the way there he noted that there was no longer a display of the prom dress he had bought. The others that were there did not compete in prettiness with the one he had gotten.

In the bra department he saw a couple of women waiting on line to purchase bras and panties at the counter and he uncomfortably got in line behind them. Though he felt terribly nervous, he also reminded himself that he sort of had a right to be there since he was in some sort of way also a girl. He was definitely not like other boys, that was for sure. To his chagrin he saw that the saleswoman was the very one who had sold him the dress. She was busy folding up a couple of bras and putting them in a paper bag when Lorin saw her look up and see him. Lorin was sure that she seemed startled in some way, though he wasn't certain if it was because she was unhappy or happy to see him.

Lorin hoped that the woman ahead of him would be quick since he was afraid that someone might enter the line behind him, in which case she would be able to listen to him ask for the bras. Fortunately the woman ahead of him only wanted to exchange a panty girdle for one of the same type but in a larger size. "I thought this would fit me, but I just couldn't get my big butt into it." The saleswoman laughed and Lorin wanted to also, but he kept quiet instead.

Finally it was his turn. "How did your dress fit?" the saleswoman said.

The remark caught Lorin so off guard he couldn't think of anything to say. In a panic, he thought he should just run away, but before he did so the woman said, "you know I checked with the store lawyer who I happened to see at a coffee break and he told me that there is actually no law prohibiting the store from selling girls clothes to minor boys. I had been feeling somewhat uncomfortable, selling you that dress and I was a bit angry with myself for not first checking with your parents or something like that. I can't afford to lose this job."

"I said the dress is for my sister. I don't see how you could get in trouble," Lorin said with a tremor in his voice.

"Oh, I forgot you're a crier. Please don't be upset. It's just that I believe in honesty and I don't like pretending that what I'm seeing is something else."

At the mention of his tears, Lorin felt tears coming on.

"Wait a minute. No need to cry. I believe in compassion and kindness also. To tell you the truth you really worried me the other day. You looked so scared and uncomfortable. Actually, my heart went out to you."

Lorin started to cry and the woman said, "you cry like a... well I shouldn't say that. It is very feminine of you. Look, I know I seem nosy, but it's not every day a boy buys a pretty dress and it's so obvious he can't wait to put it on. Ninety nine percent of the girls I see getting prom dresses just want to look cool and fit in with the other girls. It doesn't matter a whole lot what particular dress they get. Sure they like feeling pretty but they tend not to feel the rapture you were feeling."

Lorin collected his feelings together and took out a tissue and blew his nose. "I didn't think it was so obvious."

"It was. I imagine it's a pretty hard thing for a young boy to hide. You're so outside your normal world. Like even right now. How often do you think I have a young boy in the bra department by himself? And don't tell me that you have to buy bras for your sister. That's so lame you could fly an airplane through it. Between you and me lets just stop all pretense. You're obviously a cross dresser or maybe even a girl wannabe. I don't feel bad about you and I really don't disrespect you. In fact, you're a pretty courageous kid and I respect you for that."

Despite still sobbing a little, Lorin started to smile and then said, "I can't thank you enough. This has been so hard and no one in the whole world knows about this except you."

A woman holding a couple of bras walked over toward the counter and the saleswoman said to Lorin in a louder and less personal voice, "and how can I help you?"

Lorin said, "someone from the store left a phone message at my house saying that a special order had arrived. It's for Penny."

"Penny? OK, let me look." She looked behind the counter and then held up a package. "This says it's for Penny and Lorin Baxter."

"Great, that must be it."

The saleswoman took out three bras from the bag and held them up. "Lets see, we've got one pink and two white padded 34A bras? Is that what you're expecting?"

"I guess so. I don't really know. My mom said it was three of them."

"Bras?"

"Yes."

The woman folded them up, put them back in the bag and rang up the sale. It came to $47.70 and Lorin handed over the money. When giving him change the saleswoman said in a low voice, "I work here Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. If you need to talk, don't be shy.

"Thanks," Lorin said.

"Better yet," she said and then scribbled something on a Jensen's business card and handed it to him.

When he had gotten to the escalator Lorin looked at the card. On the back she had written a name "Beth" and a phone number. Lorin felt a huge rush of tears and he fought them as best as he could. Outside on the street he put the bag with the bras in his back pack. On the way home he though to himself, that that was exactly why he knew he wanted to be a girl. Girls were so kind and generous in their feelings and judgments and that's the way he knew he was in his heart also.

 

Lorin was terribly nervous about attending Penny's party. Not least was the fact that he had no idea what kind of outfit he should wear. He was afraid of being too dorky or too formal. His parents were of no help; they suggested he wear a tie and jacket. Luckily his sister gave him some reasonable advice: go casual, but not too casual, which meant wear a shirt with a collar and his regular jeans.

Lorin's biggest fear was of having no one to talk to at the party. He would look foolish sitting by himself trying to smile and act comfortable: everyone would notice that no one wanted to talk to him. On the other hand, not going was out of the question. He couldn't allow himself to cave into his fears. And more important than anything was the fact that he would see Penny again and maybe have a chance to get to know her a little bit better.

He made sure to arrive at Penny's house 20 minutes after the time the party was to start. Not too late, not too early. It turned out however that he was the first guy to arrive. Penny's mom ushered him downstairs to the party room where he saw that Penny was with Janice, Valerie and Kathy from his class and another girl he didn't know. Penny seemed genuinely happy to see him. She came up to him, smiled and told him to make himself at home. Before he could say anything to her, she was distracted by a group of other guys coming down the stairs. Lorin said hello to Janice and the other girls and then watched as they made their way across the room toward the new arrivals. Lorin found himself alone. He forced a smile on his face and nervously looked at the decorations: red balloons and red bunting taped on the knotty pine paneling. A few nice sofas ringed the room and there was a built in bar that had bottles of soda on it. There were bowls of potato chips and other treats. Lorin couldn't decide whether to stand or sit. He drifted a bit closer to the other kids and then saw that a guy from his class named Stanley had arrived. He was also not one of the cool kids and Lorin felt a bit relieved that here was someone he could talk to, at least a little bit.

Later Lorin realized that Kenny had obviously not been invited and he felt sorry for him. Probably Penny had no idea they were best friends. Lorin was glad that he had been smart enough not to mention the party to him. A stereo system had been set up in a corner and one of the girls put in a CD of dance music. A few kids started to dance. Lorin watched Penny flitting around the room talking to various kids and wished he had the courage to ask her to dance. While he was contemplating if he should move next to the food or figure out if any of the other girls at the party might be willing to dance with him, he saw Penny looking his way and then she came over to him and said, "let's dance." Dancing was one thing Lorin felt pretty good about. He had watched many TV shows with girls dancing and he had spent a lot of time imitating their movements.

It was a fast dance and as he and Penny got into the rhythm Lorin found himself relaxing and even feeling a little bit of self-confidence. Near the end of the dance he began wondering if Penny would run off to dance with someone else when the song ended or would she stay to talk. Just in case he had better have something to say. The thought made him nervous again and then he wondered why was he making everything so complicated?

When the song ended Penny said, "you're a nice dancer Lorin."

"And you too," Lorin said. "Thanks for inviting me. I've never been..." Lorin stopped in mid sentence. This was not the time to confess he had never been to a party before. "I've always liked dancing."

The first strains of a slow song started up and Lorin thought he should ask her to dance. Someone called out "the lights," and they suddenly dimmed.

"Not too low," Penny yelled, "or my mom will join us." The lights got slightly brighter again. Lorin felt like there was an explosion of blood in his head and he would just burst open, "dance?" he said in a clipped and unnatural voice. Penny turned immediately toward him and raised her arms as if to hold him. Literally shaking with excitement Lorin held her and they started dancing together. They were a good height match and Lorin could comfortably talk into her ear and she into his.

At first they were quiet and then Penny said, "you're not like the other boys Lorin."

"What do you mean?" Lorin said in alarm.

"Not in a bad way. In a good way. I got to thinking after our date that you were very thoughtful. You listen and you didn't act like I wasn't there half the time."

"Why wouldn't I listen to you? I want to hear what you say. You're very interesting."

"That's something I usually never hear boys say. You're so unusual like that."

Lorin let himself feel the reality of holding Penny. She was wearing blue jeans and a black top that was sort of like a leotard. She had a pink ribbon tied in her hair. His right hand lay across her back and with his finger tips he made out the outline of her bra. He suddenly felt like he was carrying a great burden and he was tired. What did he really want? Penny or being Lauren? The thought of wearing his own pretty dress at the cotillion was something he could not give up. Yet the chance to be in love with Penny, to be able to count on her wanting to be with him and hold him was something he could never just walk away from. Could there be a universe that was big enough to allow him to be both Lauren and to have Penny?

As he basked in the joy of holding Penny he also felt sick and tired of feeling like he was as inarticulate as a block of wood whenever he was near her. Her ear was right near his lips and he decided that at all costs he would talk; he would try and find a way to be himself.

"Your ear is right next to my lips so I'm going to take advantage of this. OK?"

"OK, Penny whispered.

"OK great. Let's see. The first thing I'm going to do is make you laugh within the next five seconds."

Penny laughed.

"That was way too easy," Lorin said.

"Try again," Penny said. "You caught me by surprise."

"OK. This time I'll make you laugh in 3.14159265359 seconds."

Penny shook with laughter.

"You're no challenge," Lorin said.

"Are you always so silly?" Penny said.

"I can be, if you like."

"I like laughing."

"I hope that's a good sign."

"It's a very good sign Lorin. I think also that you're not as shy as you seem."

"You've been seeing my shyness?"

"I've decided I like shy. I think it may be better than cool since it's more sincere."

"Can't I be cool-shy?"

Penny laughed again. "No you don't have permission."

Lauren laughed. The dance ended and Penny smiled at him and said, "it's easy to dance with you Lorin. I've got to go mingle," and she walked away. Lorin felt a glow inside and made his way slowly to a table with chips, salsa and guacamole. He felt happy and alive and he savored the memory of her warm body in his arms. He felt sure that they would dance together again. He would just have to wait until the time was right. But what if she started staying mainly with some other guy? He did his best to push such thoughts out of his mind.

Perhaps because of his new found status of having danced with Penny, some of the other kids in the party seemed to be more welcoming to Lorin than he expected they would be. Janice in particular seemed to make an effort at being friendlier than she had been on his date with Penny.

A fast song came up and Lorin felt bold enough to ask Janice to dance with him. She accepted and while he danced he saw that Penny was dancing with one of the guys they met at the park on their date. He didn't know if he should feel jealous or not. It was so hard to figure how Penny could both like guys like that and also himself. In any event, Penny certainly gave no indication that she was jealous of his dancing with Janice.

When the dance ended, to his relief, Lorin saw Penny leave the guy she was with. He saw her head over to a couple of latecomers that were just coming down the stairs to the party room. There was a guy and girl and Lorin saw Penny greet them enthusiastically. The two of them were not from his class at school yet there was something about the girl that seemed familiar. Not only that but Lorin began feeling uneasy for reasons that he couldn't quite pin point. He turned away and had some more dip and then it hit him like a thunderbolt that the girl was the very same one who he had met in the bra department at Jenkins a few weeks earlier. They had talked briefly. There was no doubt that Lorin would have to leave the party before she saw him. He scouted around for a way out but it was clear that the only way was up the stairs next to where Penny and the girl were talking.

He observed the situation and decided that if they walked to the right he would sneak around to the left to get to the stairs, or vice versa. While his sudden departure would be weird it would not be anywhere as embarrassing as if the girl told Penny and anyone about his interest in padded bras. Poised ready to react, Lorin was surprised to see Penny glance around the room, see Lorin and then lead the couple directly toward him. Penny gave him a slight wave and Lorin was nailed to his spot unable to think of anything to do short of running out of the room at full speed.

"Lorin, I want you to meet one of my best friends. This is Cindy and her friend Greg."

Cindy looked at Lorin, smiled and said hello. Greg stuck out his hand and Lorin shook it.

"You look awfully familiar," Cindy said.

"I think a lot of people look like me," Lorin said.

Penny laughed and said, "I don't think so. Cindy used to live near me but she moved to the other side of town. She goes to Bryant and so does Greg."

"Neat," Lorin said.

"I like the kids here better," Cindy said, "they're a bit snobby over there. It took me a long time to make friends."

"Actually Cindy was the snob," Greg said jokingly and Cindy turned around and feigned hitting him.

The truth was that the homes were much bigger on the other side of town and Cindy's parents no doubt moved there when they started making more money. Lorin could see Cindy staring at him and scrunching up her face in thought. Then suddenly he saw her eyes widen and then become slits as she seemed to think of something funny. She shook her head ever so slightly and Lorin knew without any doubt that she had placed him. He was the bra buying boy and his goose was now cooked. He prayed she'd say nothing here at the party; after all she had been very nice at the store.

"I just remembered where I met Lorin," Cindy said. "It was downtown in one of the stores. Jenkins? You were buying something for your sister."

"Oh, yeah," Lorin said as if he was about to get a bad case of indigestion.

"I was with my parents. We were shopping for all kinds of stuff. I got some new, oh, I better not say in the present company."

"Some girly stuff?" Greg said. "She's always buying girly stuff. Her parents really spoil her!"

"So when are you going to spoil me?" Cindy said.

"When I'm rich I'll buy everything except all your girly junk."

Penny said, "you two never quit. But Greg what's wrong with girls buying girly stuff. You boys buy boysy stuff."

"Not truckloads," Greg said.

Lorin saw Cindy eyeing him. His fate rested in her hands. He could practically imagine her saying something like, "Lorin buys girly stuff. He was buying bras for his sister; only the saleslady didn't believe that. None of us did." Only it never happened and Lorin breathed a sigh of relief when Cindy and Greg went off to dance together and then Lorin was able to dance with Penny. It was another slow dance and Penny said to him, "you're shaking a little, trembling. Are you cold?"

"Am I?" And then Lorin heard himself say "it's probably from holding you. It's so nice."

Penny rested her head on his shoulder and Lorin inhaled the scent of her hair and girlish aroma. It was hard to believe that this was his life and not a dream. Lorin attempted to record every aspect of what it felt like to be holding Penny, so he would never forget it.

He wondered what the consequences would be of this evening. Could he count on dating her, and if so how often? Would he now eat with her at school, talk to her before and after class? How would he explain it to Kenny? What would Kenny do during lunch if Lorin was eating with Penny? Should he invite Kenny over?

When the dance was over Penny mingled again and Lorin tried to circulate also. Though he purposefully tried to keep to the opposite side of the room from Cindy, nonetheless he found himself alone with her in front of the food table. Cindy said her heels were killing her and she invited Lorin to sit down and talk to her.

Though he tried to hide it, Lorin knew that his nervousness was showing and Cindy was perceptive enough to pick up on it.

Lorin said, "nice party."

"Yeah it's pretty cool. Penny has so many friends."

"Did your sister get her bras?" Cindy said with a trace of laughter.

"Oh, yeah, the bras. Yeah we got the phone call and she went and got them."

"I think it was very brave of you to go buy bras."

"Yeah, I guess I looked pretty foolish."

Cindy laughed, "my dad said that he was sure that you were buying them for yourself and my mom said she agreed with him."

Lorin twisted uncomfortably in his seat. Before he could think of some sort of denial Cindy asked him, "you weren't were you?"

Lorin said, "of course not. I guess it really did look like that. Look, I feel real embarrassed and I really need to thank you for not telling everyone about it."

"I know that Greg would probably roast you over that. He's a nice guy but he's not as self-assured as you."

"What do you mean, I think I'm the exact opposite."

"No, he and most guys are really worried about their masculinity so they'd never be caught dead buying bras. You're obviously comfortable enough with it that you did it. I think it makes you more mature than most guys."

"But most guys would just say I was acting like a girl or something."

"They say it, but it's not necessarily true. Masculinity is such a nuisance."

"But don't girls like masculinity?"

"Up to a point. Well some girls have a kind a thing for it, but most girls like it in moderation, cause it means that you're different from us, but we don't like it so much that your insensitive. The stupidest thing is boys feeling like they've got to beat up everyone and everything in sight instead of using their brains and thinking. You know what I mean?"

Lorin looked across the room and saw Penny dancing a slow dance with Greg. Cindy looked where Lorin was looking and smiled. "I bet Greg has a thing for Penny. She's so gorgeous."

"I hope not!"

"It's OK Lorin. Boys are boys. He can like her without cheating on me. Just like you can like me without cheating on Penny."

"Cheating on Penny? I didn't know that..."

"She likes you a lot. She told me that just before she introduced us. It's one reason I didn't say anything about the bras. I like you both and it's just between you and me."

"That's really nice of you. Actually I really liked you in the store. You're so easy to talk to. I'm glad I've met you."

"I feel the same way."

The dance was over and Penny and Greg came over. Penny sat down very close to Lorin, looked at him and smiled.

"Oh man, guacamole," Greg said, "I love that stuff."

"My mom made it," Penny said.

They chatted on for awhile. Lorin felt in a dreamy mood. He had so much to think about, but he'd do it some other time. For right now he was going to bask in the glorious promise of his new relationship with Penny.

By eleven o'clock some of the kids started to leave and someone turned down the lights lower. Surveying the room Lorin saw that everyone was coupled off. The music was now only slow songs. A few couples danced and others sat in the chairs and sofas. In the dim light Lorin was sure he could see some couples kissing.

After debating the wisdom of doing it for what seemed like a half hour, Lorin finally put his arm around Penny and she immediately rested her head against his and gently laid her hand on his knee. Lorin's heart thumped and pounded heavily in his chest. Nearby Lorin saw Greg kiss Cindy and then saw what looked to be Greg's hand resting over her breast. Lorin wondered if it were the pink 34NA bra that Cindy was wearing and that Greg would be touching if he slipped his hand in her blouse.

He supposed that Penny was expecting him to kiss her. He had never kissed a girl. Well he had never put his arm around a girl either for that matter. He couldn't go through another half hour debate on this point. He would just have to do it and hope for the best.

He moved his head around and looked into Penny's eyes. She looked into his. There was such an extreme intimacy between them that he knew that she wanted a kiss and he slowly moved his lips forward until they touched hers. She shifted her hand and put it on the back of his neck and they began kissing in earnest. The rest of the evening was a blur. That such happiness in life was possible was something Lorin had never before expected.

While he was at the party he didn't let himself think about his summer at Camp Shoni since every time it started to drift into his thoughts he felt a slight dread. It was the same sort of feeling he had had after stealing Penny's bra. He had been unable to stop himself from taking the bra. What about now? Did he still want to go to Camp Shoni as Lauren? It was just not a good time to think about all that.

At midnight Cindy and Greg left and the party broke up. Lorin was the last to leave. Penny's mom had come down to say goodbye and she said to Lorin, "I'm so glad you were able to come."

"Thank you, I had a marvelous time."

Penny escorted him outside and they waited a few minutes until Lorin's dad came in the car to pick him up. Feeling self-conscious in front of his dad, Lorin only shook Penny's hand instead of kissing her goodbye.

On the way home his dad said, "well how did it go?"

"I think Penny likes me."

"That's great," his dad said enthusiastically.

They rode on in silence and Lorin said, "how do you know if you love some one or not?" In the dark his dad fought not to break out into laughter. It was one of those moments where he felt a great stab of love for his son.

Carefully he said, "for me it's when you think of something that they do and you smile with the memory."

It was not the answer Lorin was expecting but then his father added, "of course there is infatuation which probably does seem like love and in a way it is. But infatuation is something that can go as fast as it comes. Love is a different story. When you're in love, truly in love it would generally take a very long time to fall out of love."

"Thanks dad. I think I must be in the infatuation stage. But how long until it could turn into the love stage?"

"Well I doubt if the love stage could even start until you know Penny at a very deep level. It certainly can't happen until you learn about all their good points and their bad ones."

"She has to know about my bad points?"

"If you want her to love the real you. Having her love an artificial you would be kind of unsatisfying I think. Don't you think so?"

"Yeah, you're probably right about that."

"I think you're starting to grow up pretty fast now," his dad said.

"I guess so. I guess so," Lorin said, and thought to himself if his plan to go to Camp Shoni as Lauren was one of his "bad" points that he had to tell Penny about.

 

That night until a very late hour Lorin lay in bed thinking. He undoubtedly had an infatuation for Penny. He felt like he wanted to say he loved her, but what his dad said make a lot of sense. Perhaps the weirdest thing about he and Penny was that if this night had only happened before the camp letter had come in January, then he never would have put into action his plan about Camp Shoni. No, definitely not. Yes, his love for the pretty dress was real and so was his desire to be a girl and wear it, but to actually have Penny as his girl friend, to be able to hang out with her and kiss her and get to know everything there is to know about her had to be better, hadn't it?

This sounded all well and good, but there was a truth deep down in there somewhere that if he had to give up his dress for Penny he would feel a huge emptiness inside. He had to also be Lauren. Really, the only solution for him would be to be both Lauren and to have Penny as his girl friend. It was a crazy mixed up idea. He couldn't imagine Penny not being grossed out by seeing him as Lauren.

But then he remembered his conversations with Cindy. She probably already sort of guessed that he wanted to wear bras and it didn't seem to bother her. He also didn't see how she could like a guy like Greg though he wasn't so bad as far as guys go. Maybe if Cindy wasn't friends with Penny, and if Penny and he had not become sort of infatuated with each other then maybe he and Cindy might have become boy and girl friend, and with her who knows? Maybe she would not be bothered with him being Lauren. These were all very difficult questions and he would find out answers sometime in the future, if he were lucky. For right now, he did love Penny in his infatuated way and he couldn't wait to see her again and find out for sure that she felt the same way about him.

 

The next night there was a phone call for Lorin. When his mom handed him the phone she said, "it's a girl named Joan who says she's from Camp Shoni. Camp Shoni?"

Lorin put his palm over the receiver and thanked his mom and then waited until she walked away. When it seemed like the coast was clear Lorin said "hello" in his Lauren voice.

"Hi Lauren! I'm so excited about camp this summer I've been calling all the bunnies in our cabin!"

"Me too Joan. I can't wait to get to camp."

It turned out that it was easy to be Lauren. Joan made it simple since she talked and talked so that Lorin didn't have to worry about what to say. At the end of their conversation Joan suggested that the girls in their cabin correspond by instant messenger instead of calling and that that way everyone would be included. Lorin agreed and so he felt relieved that he would only have to explain this one phone call to his mom.

When he got off the phone he went back to his room. A few minutes later his mom knocked on his door and asked him who Joan was. "Oh, she's Owen's sister. He put her up to calling me as a tease. He got on the phone right after her. He's just as angry as I am that we can't be in the upper camp."

"I didn't remember Owen having a sister."

"I thought he said sister. Maybe it was a girlfriend of his."

Lorin wasn't so sure his mother bought his explanation but she said, "I see" and left the room.

Later that night when Lorin went downstairs to get some ice cream, he happened to overhear his mom and dad talking in the living room. He heard his mom say, "I can't quite put my finger on it but there seems to be a lot of sort of weird stuff going on around here. Don't you think?"

"You know, I was sort of thinking the same thing myself."

"Isn't it true? Like the burglary at Ms. McGonagle's, the phone call from Jensens. One day after school I accidentally walked in on Lorin naked."

Lorin heard his dad laugh.

His mom continued, "don't laugh. He said he had spilled milk on his clothes but I never saw it later in the laundry. There is also the mistake on the camp bill and his grades tumbled. And now tonight there's a girl from camp Shoni calling him."

"There was?"

"Well Lorin says it was really Owen. Look, I'm not saying that there's something happening here, and if there is I haven't any idea what it could be, but it's just like a bunch of weird things are all happening at once and they all sort of revolve around Lorin. Like I think that's the only common thing linking them."

"Lorin was the burglar?"

"No, but he had been helping Ms. McGonagle earlier that night."

"Maybe we should make a point of being more observant and see if there is something we need to know about. My guess is that these are just random coincidences. The main thing going on his life right now is that not only does he have an infatuation for Penny but lo and behold she is reciprocating. It's like a whole new world for Lorin and I imagine he'll be more than a little crazy until he gets used to it."

"I'm so happy for him," his mom said.

Lorin tip-toed back up the stairs and then came loudly running down them to the kitchen to get his ice cream. To put a positive spin on what he had overheard, Lorin figured that it was a good thing that he knew what his parents were thinking. It would help him keep one step ahead of them in the next month or so until camp started. On the other hand, it proved that he had good cause to be terrified that something might go wrong and cause his whole world to come crashing down upon his head.

 

End of Chapter 6

  

  

  

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