Camp Shoni

by

Pamela

Chapter 3

 

In English class the next day Lorin took frequent peeks at Penny sitting in front of him. She was wearing a gray, ribbed top with a collar and the outline of her bra was barely visible if at all. He was determined that he was going to ask her out on a date this very day. Besides the fact that his mom and dad would probably continue to bug him about it until he did, he also had to admit that being on a date with her was probably right up there with going to the cotillion. Well, that would be true if Penny felt toward him as he felt toward her. She would have to want to hold his hand or even kiss him. Then he imagined she would encourage him to gently place his hand on top of her bra and then slowly move it inside her bra cup. He felt overcome with desire for Penny. He knew that if he did not do something about it soon he would bust.

After English class was lunch. Sometimes Lorin found himself walking to the cafeteria next to Penny in the crush of kids. It would be a perfect time to ask her out. When the bell rang signaling the end of the period, Mr. Oster excused the class and Lorin watched Penny to see what she did. She got up and looked around. When she saw Lorin looking at her she smiled at him and Lorin looked away and then back at her. It seemed to him she might be looking for someone to accompany her to the cafeteria. Before she did so, he would have to act. He summoned up his nerve and said, "Penny?". She stopped and turned toward him. While they had known each other for quite some time, they had not had many occasions to get to know each other on a more personal basis. One exception had been in biology lab where they and two other kids had dissected a frog together. There had also been an occasion during a class trip to Philadelphia when their tour had stopped at Betsy Ross's house. Lorin had asked the docent if there was any real proof that Betsy Ross had sewn the first flag since he had heard that historians claim otherwise: the story that she had done so was just a myth perpetrated by her family to gain notoriety. Penny had overheard his remarks and chimed in saying that she had heard the same thing. Lorin had been happy to have this affirmation since the docent had been less than excited at hearing Lorin's comment. Later, when he had boarded the school bus for the trip home he had seen Penny sitting alone in a seat next to the window. It was the perfect opportunity to sit next to her and he had looked at her and had seen that she was looking at him. He had been about to sit next to her when her eyes left him to look at someone further behind him boarding the bus. In that split second he lost his nerve since he thought it might mean that she wanted to sit with someone else. Lorin ended up sitting in the seat directly behind her where he could see the top of her head but she could not see him. Later, another girl sat next to Penny and Lorin had felt regret for a lost opportunity all the way back home and even for the next few days.

"Yes?" Penny said as she walked toward the door.

Lorin could see that this was going to be an out-of=body experience. He heard himself say, "I wanted to ask you something."

"What Lorin?"

Lorin followed her and glanced around to make sure no one else was within ear shot. "I was going to ask. You know I like you?" he said feeling ridiculous. He imagined that Penny might laugh at any second.

"Sure. Why not?" she said.

Lorin suddenly could not think straight. Her answer raised as many questions as it answered. "I wanted to ask you out," he said finally. They were almost to the door of the classroom.

"Why didn't you?" Penny said.

Her answer was so unexpected Lorin laughed. He could not tell if she was making a joke or being encouraging, and he was not sure what he should say next. It was clearly so much more complicated than he thought it would be.

"I mean, I am asking you out. I wanted to see you. I thought we could go to a movie or something."

Penny smiled at him. "Sure Lorin that would be fun." She said it simply and sweetly. "Call me," she said. "Do you have my number?" He shook his head. She got out a pen and wrote it on Lorin's notebook. Then she said, "I've got to meet Janice," and she took off down the hall.

It would be an understatement to say that Lorin was happy the rest of the day. Even though he saw Penny during his afternoon classes, he did not talk to her. He felt very aware of her presence and what she was doing. He was fearful of ending the magic feeling that he had: no matter what else might ever happen, there was an afternoon in his life when Penny wanted to go out on a date with him.

 

That night after doing his homework Lorin took out his diary and wrote:

Dear Barbie:

I had the courage to ask Penny for a date today but I've got to call her and I'm afraid. Please wish me luck. Anyway, I've got to start getting myself ready for camp. I think the first thing I should get are my bras cause if I can get them then I guess I can get everything else. So what do you think? My plan is to buy them and I'm totally scared. I'll let you know what happens.

Love,

Lauren

 

Lorin checked his cookie jar and found that he had $192.37. He figured that should be more than enough to get some bras. He opened up a recent "One Hanes Place" catalog that he had taken out of the paper recycle bin. It was a catalog of bras and foundation garments that he guessed his mom sometimes used to get underwear, though he was not exactly sure. Each time it came in the mail he made a point of looking through it. The sheer number of different types of bras confused him and he often wondered how women ever figured out which style to wear. For reasons he could not identify it made him sad that many girls were probably not wearing the best possible bra for their body, since they had likely never even had a chance to explore all the different kinds of bras. Now for the first time he could not afford to remain confused. He had to figure out what bra would be appropriate for a 13 year old girl and that was the kind he would have to get. There would be no opportunity to decide at an actual store, since he imagined that it would be bad enough just walking into the bra section to pick out a bra or two, let alone look at lots of bras trying to decide on a good one to get. His plan was to know exactly what to buy so he could just go right to it, take it off the rack and bring it to the sales clerk. He hoped the clerk would be a kind older woman who would not think that anything extraordinary was going on. If she might actually give him a wink of understanding, to make him feel more comfortable, all the better, but he doubted that that would occur.

He opened up the catalog and saw on the first page a woman wearing a blue bra and matching panty. In large type it said "bras that breathe." Seeing the color made him wonder if he should get some bras of different colors. He thought that most bras were white, like Penny's, but he also had hoped that at least one of his bras might be pink. Now he wondered if having many different color bras might be even more natural than having only white bras. He decided that he would have to pay a visit to his sisters bra drawer and see what colors she had. He turned the page and saw pictures of women wearing similar kinds of bras to the blue one. They looked like they had large breasts; not at all like what he imagined he would look like in a bra. The next page had bras with "convertible straps" and then "action backs" where the straps came from the center of a band in the back. On the next pages the bras were supposed to offer "cotton comfort." He thought that many of the bras were pretty, particularly a Wonderbra "Love it Lace," but the model looked to be almost his mom's age and he figured the bra could not be for him.

He came to several pages of seamless underwire bras. He counted 21 bras spread over 4 pages. Most were white but several were pink and blue. There was a Bali "Live it Up" bra that had pretty red and pink flowers on a white background. The design was called "Rosy Petals." According to the description, by wearing this bra "one could achieve the lift and shape one never knew one had." It couldn't be referring to him, Lorin thought. He could not imagine that putting on that bra would give him breasts. There was then a page of special needs bras for posture, maternity and leisure styles. He skipped this and came to a full page of a model wearing a beautiful pink bra. The section was "Classic underwires" and the bra was a Flower Bali. There was a cute thin bow in the middle of the bra between the cups and a sort of lace design over the top part. The woman had her arms crossed in a very feminine way with her hands holding her elbows. The description of the bra caught his eye: "USA's best selling department store full support underwire!" It came in pale pink, black, white and light beige. Lorin was encouraged by the idea that it must be for sale everywhere. Its probably selling right here in town, he thought.

On the next page was a section on minimizer bras. "Minimize your bust line up to 1 ¼"." Some women must want to not look like they have big breasts Lorin thought. He then felt discouraged. All these bras are for women with breasts. I'll look stupid wearing a bra with no breasts in the cups. He threw the magazine down on his desk with disgust. How in the world did any woman decide what kind she wanted to wear? Maybe they try on every single one until they find one they like. He wished he could ask his mom about it. He imagined coming up to her one day while she was cooking dinner and saying, "Mom, I have a question for you."

"Yes, dear?" she would say.

"Well mom I was wondering how you decided what bra to buy. What kind of style, brand, color? Its so confusing!"

His mom would blush a little and so would he. Finally she would say, "you know Lorin, you're right. But I buy the kind of bra I buy because...." And that was exactly where the little fantasy would end. He had no idea what she would say.

Lorin went back to the catalog. He knew enough about bras to know that they had different cup sizes; the guys frequently made jokes about girls having "D size" boobs. He assumed that he would never qualify for a C or D bra and probably not even a B. But he wondered if A would be right for him. He looked through the pages to see if there were any A cup bras for sale. He saw that there were a few here and there but the great majority of the bras started with B cups and then went larger. He wondered if there might be a section devoted to just A cup bras. He turned through the pages beyond where he had gotten and came to a section devoted to bras lacking underwire. There were many pictures but the women in them looked to be just as busty as the ones with underwire. A number of the bras did come in A cup size but still they did not seem like they would fit him. After this there was a special section devoted to bras in half sizes. The women in these pictures seemed to be a bit smaller breasted than the other women. Across the top of the page it said "a little more than an A... a little less than a B....does a B feel a little snug... a C is too roomy?" These women really did have smaller breasts than the others. He then noticed a picture of a woman wearing a very pretty pink bra. It was a Playtex "Thank Goodness It Fits" bra. The description said: "smooth matte cups, softly framed in feminine stretch lace on all sides. Lightly lined seamless cups - great for tees and other knits." It came in white, pink, and naturally beige. He noticed that the sizes were 32 - 36 NA*, A, 34 - 38 NB*, B. He wondered what NA and NB meant. He followed the asterisks to a footnote indicating "see sizing on page 46."

He hurriedly turned to page 46 and saw that there was a sizing chart for bras. There was a picture of a woman wearing a bra and panties and next to her was a woman in a black suit reading a tape measure that ran around the chest of the first woman just underneath her bra. Next to the picture it said:

 

1. Measure Band Size: Measure under your arms, high on your back, around the top of your chest. If this measurement is an even number, then this is your band size, if this measurement is an odd number, then add 1" to determine your band size. For example, 35" becomes 36".

2. Measure Cup Size: With bra on and clothes off, measure around fullest part of bust.

3. Compare bust measurement to band measurement:

If difference is: 0" 1" 2" 3" 4" 5" 6" 7" 8" 9" then cup size is: AA A B C D DD DDD F G H I.

 

Making sure to hide the magazine, Lorin went to retrieve the tape measure which he knew his mom kept near a sewing machine in the utility room off the family room. After he found it he excitedly rushed back to his room. Safely there he took off his shirt and worked the tape measure around his chest following the instructions. It came to a bit less than 33". So he decided that his band width must be a 34. To measure cup size the directions said he would need to wear a bra. That did not make sense since the point of the measurement was to determine what bra he should wear. He decided that it could not matter too much so he would just measure himself without wearing a bra. He went to his mirror and turned sideways to see if he could find the fullest part of his bust. Unfortunately, every part of his breasts - if one could call them that - looked to be about the same projection. He encircled himself with the tape resting over his nipples and measured it to be 34. According to the guide that meant that he was an AA cup size since the difference between measurements was zero. Disappointed, he did both measurements over again and this time decided that their difference was at least half an inch, which meant that he was half way to an A cup. He concluded that he might get away with being a 34A this summer. Probably a good size for a teenage girl who is still awaiting her breasts to fully grow in.

Below the sizing chart there was a second chart whose title said "Playtex Thank Goodness It Fits." This chart said that a ½" difference in the two measurements corresponded to a "Nearly A". Oh my God, Lorin thought, that's perfect. I am exactly a 34 NA! Thats the kind of bra I should buy. Going back to the page with half size bras he realized that there were actually 8 different "Thank Goodness It Fits" bras displayed. The last one of these was a lace lift soft cup bra. The description said "the beauty of all-over lace belies the gentle lift of lightly padded cups." It came in size 34NA. He wondered exactly what "light padding" meant. Was there such a thing as heavy padding? At the bottom of the page he read for the second to last bra a description saying that it was "a seamless padded soft cup bra. Adds up to one inch and looks natural. Seamless molded cups are fiber-filled, so you can add an entire cup size. Adjustable Stay-Put stretch straps." It came in white, and black and while it did not come in 34NA it did come in 34A. Lorin contemplated the difference between this bra and the one with lightly padded cups. It dawned on him that girls whose breasts had not yet come in all the way probably would want to wear bras with some padding so they looked like they had more breasts than they actually had. That was exactly the problem that Lorin faced so it was clearly what he needed to do. He felt elated that he had finally solved the mystery of bras, at least as it affected himself. He was a definite 34NA, not a 34AA and, if he was willing to wear some padding, then he could gain one extra cup size. With the padded bra he would be something like a 34NB, not quite a 34B. But a 34B was the size of a real woman. It was perfect! He would just have to find where Playtex bras were sold and then look for the "Thank Goodness It Fits" section and then pick out the seamless padded soft cup bra. Maybe he could also get some of the lightly padded bras, in case he grew a little over the summer. After all if he spent his time as a girl might he not start slowly turn into one? It seemed possible, though he suspected that it might not happen.

He laid back on his bed feeling totally satisfied with himself. Every little step is hard but I think I'm figuring it out. He got his diary and wrote as a P.S. to his previous letter to Barbie:

P.S. On Saturday I'm taking all my money and I'm going to buy my bras in the store downtown. They are going to be Playtex Thank Goodness It Fits Bras. 3 fully padded size 34A and 2 are going to be lightly padded size 34NA. At least one of these will be pink. That will be my 5 bras. Maybe I'll also buy a sports bra just to have one, but to be honest with you Barbie my breasts are kind of small and I don't think that they are going to need whatever special support a sport bra gives.

 

Lorin thought about calling Penny that night, but decided against it, since it would be too soon after their conversation in class. Though he did not really want to acknowledge it, he also felt that he was in some sense being dishonest with Penny. She would not know what was going on in his head, his plan to be Lauren for the summer, his careful study of bras, his plan to go buy bras on the weekend. It added up to some major dishonesty and he felt sorry for her since he felt that he was taking advantage of her in some sense. On the other hand, as long as she never found out about it, she was protected, and he vowed that he would never ever give her any reason to be suspicious about his being a secret girl.

 

The next night Lorin called Penny if for no other reason than any more procrastination and he would look like an idiot for having ever suggested they go out together. Besides, he did not like having things hanging over his head.

Promptly at 8 PM he dialed her number and immediately prayed that no one would answer. On the third rang he clearly heard Penny say "hello." Nervously he said "hello is Penny there?" realizing how dumb that was.

"Hi," Penny said.

"Oh, hi," Lorin said, "I recognized your voice."

"Yes."

"It's me Lorin."

"Yes, I know its you."

"How are you?" Lorin said.

"OK."

"Is this a good time to call?"

"Sure, its fine."

"I was wondering about when we could get together. Like this weekend."

"Let me check."

He heard her yell in the background, "what am I doing Saturday mom?" "Its Lorin from my class." "Sure I know that." "OK, OK, sure."

She got back on the line. "It would have to be Saturday afternoon. I'm baby sitting at night. I was going to meet Janice and some of the others at the lake. Why don't you come too?"

Lorin had not anticipated this response. He had wanted to be alone with her. The lake was near downtown. It was part of a park and many of the local kids hung out there occasionally. "Sure, Penny. That sounds cool."

"Meet me at my house at one. Janice is coming here too and we can all walk to the lake."

"Great," Lorin said, though he did not really mean it. The arrangement was not exactly a date, but on the other hand Penny was including him in her circle of friends. That certainly had to be a positive development. Of course it did slightly complicate his bra shopping. He would have to get that done early, get home to stash his bras and then run over to Penny's house which was about a half mile away.

 

Saturday morning at quarter to ten Lorin left home to take the bus the two mile drive to the small downtown area of the town he lived in. He often spent the weekend days with his friends, and as long as he was home for dinner at six, his mom and dad trusted him enough to not have to know exactly with whom he was playing or where. His dad was very proud of his getting a date with Penny and dismissed Lorin's concern that he would not be alone with her. He told him that its always a good idea to get to know someone slowly. If it works out Penny would make it clear that she wants to see him alone.

In the heart of downtown was an old fashioned department store, Jensen's, that was still hanging on despite competition from malls in the general vicinity. Lorin had often been taken to Jensen's by his mom to shop for clothes. On the second floor was the boy's and men's department. On the first and third floors were things for girls and women. It was usually the case that besides buying pants or underwear or something for Lorin, his mom would want to spend some time in the women's section looking through the dresses, skirts and blouses. On more than one occasion his mom would go to the intimate apparel section on the third floor. When he was very young Lorin had no idea what was going on, but as he got older he realized more and more the significance of the racks of bras, panties, slips and nightgowns. Though he would try and act like he was oblivious to the clothes, inside he felt like he was in heaven. To be surrounded by the bras with their girlish colors, lace and straps, encouraged him to spin wonderful fantasies in which his mom would pick out bras and panties for him to wear and take him into the girls fitting room to have him try them on. His mom usually just looked at the bras or panties. Once she said to him, "I can't believe the price of bras nowadays," and Lorin had repeated the words over and over to himself. There was something exciting about having his mother share a secret about bras with him. It made him feel that she knew how much he also cared about bras. In the days following that episode he prayed many a night that his mother would suddenly tell him that she wanted to buy him a bra because she understood that her little boy was really a little girl.

Lorin had never focused too carefully on what brands of bras were sold at Jensen's but he did vaguely remember seeing a sign for Playtex. He rehearsed in his mind what he needed to do. He would enter the store, take the escalator up to the second floor, walk around the boys department looking at some things. Then, he would purposefully take the up escalator to the third floor, make a right turn and walk to the intimate apparel section. He would take a quick look around to make sure there was no one he knew, then he would slip into the racks of bras making a quick pass through them to find the Playtex section. Then he would have to hope for some good luck in finding the "Thank Goodness It Fits" bras, and especially the padded bra in size 34A and the lightly padded 34NA bra. Then the really hard part came. He would have to nonchalantly carry the bras to the cash register and pay for them. Not until they were safely in a paper bag could he rest easy. It would be a difficult few minutes and he knew that he might look very nervous and that would be a dead giveaway. Anyway, Lorin felt confidant that he had little choice in the matter. He had to get some bras if he was to go to camp Shoni so he might as well have the courage to buy them.

A bus came along after a short wait and Lorin felt increasingly nervous during the trip to the town center. He had to tell himself many times that no one looking at him could possibly tell that he was planning to buy bras. He got off the bus at a stop in front of Jensen's and entered the store. He rode the escalator to the boys department and walked around pretending to look at some western shirts that were on display. Almost immediately a salesman came up to him to ask if he needed help. Lorin said, "just looking," and the man said that he should not hesitate to contact him if any questions arose.

Lorin wondered what would he do if a saleswoman asked him if he needed help while walking through the bra racks? It was something he hadn't thought about. He started panicking and then calmed himself down. He had not done anything yet. He would just go up to the third floor and see what the situation was. He could stop what he was up to any time he wanted. He headed to the up escalator and got on it. There was a fourth floor that was devoted to furniture, so with some relief he decided that no one seeing him going up had to believe he was going to the womens clothing sections. When he got off on the third floor he began trembling. There were numerous racks of dresses in front of him and he saw a few women shoppers and sales help scattered over the floor. He found himself walking around to the up escalator and going up to the fourth floor. Halfway up he began cursing at himself. What an idiot I am! He got off at the fourth floor, which was practically deserted and stood still telling himself to stop being ridiculous. Just walking through the third floor did not mean anything. He could just pretend to be looking for a present for his mother or sister. That thought reassured himself and he walked around to the down escalator and went back to the third floor. This time he got off and forced himself to walk slowly toward where he knew the bra section was. While he walked he tried to pretend to be oblivious to the women looking at the clothes. He noticed that the first few he passed did not even seem to notice him and he felt encouraged.

He let himself focus more upon what kinds of dresses were for sale and saw that they were styles that must be for grown women since he could not imagine wanting any of them. He turned a corner and saw straight ahead the most beautiful dress he had ever seen. It was on a mannequin. It was of a sort of ivory color and made of a filmy, gauzy, material in a bunch of layers. The skirt puffed out being supported by a petticoat or crinoline. The accumulated layers of material gave the dress an almost Cinderella like quality of delicacy, as if it came out of a Disney cartoon. The bust was tight with a shirred design over the chest and a pretty portrait neckline. The skirt was full and stood out over the crinoline with several layers of fabric gently laying one on top of another. It seemed soft and delicate. And perhaps most enthralling to Lorin was a faint floral design in a pale pink that ran throughout the material. The dress was so was perfect he could not imagine finding a better one. If he did not get it, he knew he would be miserable.

Buying a dress was definitely not in his plan for the day. He had no preparation. He had no idea what size would fit. Besides, it probably cost a lot of money. What should he do? He had to have the dress. The desire was so strong he felt he would have to risk everything to get it. He walked to a rack next to the mannequin where about 10 of the dresses were hanging. He looked at a tag hanging off one. It said that the dress cost $109.00. It was so much less than he imagined that he felt euphoric. He had more than that in his pocket. He could just buy it and at least have that part of his camp preparation out of the way.

As he was deciding if it made sense to buy one of them, a saleswoman approached him. "May I help you?" she asked politely. She was wearing a name tag in which the name "Miriam" was embossed in large black letters.

"Thank you, I was just looking," Lorin said, "for my girl friend."

"Its a very pretty dress. Perfect for a prom. We get them in earlier and earlier each year and the girls snap them up. I think your girl friend would look very pretty in that dress."

Lorin said, "oh yeah. She sure would." He didn't think boys were supposed to care about girls dresses. The woman must think he was weird. Lorin heard himself say, "I don't know exactly what size she is."

The woman seemed to find this answer cute and she said gently, "she probably ought to come in to try it on. The sizings these days can be tricky."

"Oh yeah, sure," Lorin said. "I'll come back with her."

"Don't wait too long. Dresses this pretty go very fast."

"Thanks," Lorin said and he turned around to leave.

The woman said, "do you have any more questions?"

Lorin turned back and said, "oh, no thanks, thats all I was wondering." He hesitated and then said, "actually, does the thing underneath come with it?"

"Oh you mean the petticoat?"

"Yeah."

"I'm afraid that is extra."

"Do you sell petticoats?" Lorin asked.

"There are usually some for sale at the lingerie section. If not, girls usually get them from bridal shops."

"Thanks," Lorin said. "I guess I got to go. Thanks." He turned and walked back toward the escalators. When he got there he stopped and tried to gather his thoughts. He would have to figure out what size dress he needed and he would have to come back as soon as possible to get it. It would be great if that same woman would be there. She seemed to have no suspicion he wanted the dress for himself. But when could he come back? Not today, that was impossible. He could see that he was going to be extremely anxious worrying about whether or not all the dresses would be bought before he could come back. In any even he still had to do something about his bras. He had to try and enact his plan.

He walked the other direction from the escalator toward the lingerie section so he would avoid the saleswoman at the prom dresses. The dresses on this side were for "petites" whatever that meant. Lorin supposed it was smaller sized women. In any event the dresses were a bit prettier from his point of view than the ladies dresses, but still they did not seem like the kind of dresses he would want. Up ahead he saw the racks of bras. He walked toward them trying to keep a low profile and looking to see if anyone else was around. As far as he could tell there was nobody looking at the intimates, though on the opposite end of the racks there was a sales desk and a woman behind it who seemed to be busy with some paperwork. Just perfect Lorin thought. If he could just find the bras then he could go right up to her and pay for them. Just one woman to look at him like he was crazy. He entered into the racks looking for Playtex. He was shaking with worry. The bras were terribly foreign to him, belonging to a distant world of which he knew little and had no right to know. There had to be something very much wrong with himself that he was here in broad daylight walking through racks of bras. It had to be wrong, it was sick. On the other hand, he so desperately wished he had a bra. Really any bra would do. He was out of view of the woman at the desk. It was the perfect time to find the Playtex bras. He passed racks of Warner, Bali and Wacoal bras. Finally there was Playtex. Nowhere was there a sign saying what kind of Playtex bras. He would have to read the tags dangling from them to find out what they were. He picked up a tag from one. There was a picture of a beautiful woman wearing the bra. She looked unimaginably sexy and seductive and he wanted to be part of her world. Beneath the picture he saw that the label said "Cross Your Heart". Then he went to another rack and read "Secrets" on a tag. Damn, he thought to himself. Where are the "Thank Goodness It Fits" bras. Perplexed he looked around to see where else he should look. He was in a spot where he could see the woman behind the desk. She was now looking in his direction, then he saw her coming toward him. He froze and tried to think of what he should say about why he was here.

"Can I help you the woman said?" She was easily his mother's age.

"I was ummm." Completely self-conscious he could not concentrate on what to say. "I was ummm looking for a ..." He wanted to say "Thank Goodness It Fits" but could not remember the phrase.

"Yes, looking for a bra? You want a bra? A particular kind of bra?"

"No. Yes. Not exactly. My mom I mean my sister needs to get a Goodness Fit bra." Then he suddenly remembered, "I mean a "Thank Goodness It Fits" bra. But if you don't have them. Its OK. It really doesn't matter."

The woman repeated "Thank Goodness It Fits?" Is that Playtex?"

"Ah, yeah, I think so."

"I'm not so sure we have them."

The saleswoman started going through the racks like Lorin had been doing.

"I don't see them, but it doesn't mean we don't have them. Let me ask someone. This is not my usual department."

"No, really, its OK," Lorin said, but the woman ignored him. She looked around the floor and to Lorin's chagrin he saw that the woman with whom he had discussed prom dresses was nearby.

"Miriam? Have you got a minute?"

"Sure, Rita," Miriam said and came over. Seeing Lorin she said, "hello again. I thought you had left."

"You know him?" the older woman said.

"I was just discussing prom dresses with him. He said he had to get somewhere."

"I forgot that I was also supposed to buy some bras for..." His words tailed off. He realized that it would sound ridiculous if he told her he wanted to get a bra for his sister, since he had already said he wanted to get a prom dress for his girl friend.

"He wants to buy a bra for his sister," Rita said.

Miriam made a wry face then said, "well bras are the kinds of things that really have to be tried on. Girls need to know they fit before they purchase them."

"She already has some bras," Lorin said. He was sweating profusely, "I mean I'm just supposed to get some more of what she already has. I guess they fit her." He imagined his sister wearing a bra. It was something he had never seen. He imagined that her bras fit her well.

"He said he's looking for Playtex "Thank Goodness it Fits" bras. Did your sister tell you her size?"

"I think she said it its 34A," Lorin said and then quietly added, "padded."

"Padded?" Miriam said to Lorin.

"I don't know, maybe, I guess so," Lorin said.

"Well, lets take a look. I think there was a recent sale of them. We might be a bit depleted until some more arrive." Miriam led them back to the Playtex section. Lorin saw that a woman was now looking through the bras near where they were headed. Accompanying her was a girl about Lorin's age and standing nearby was a man who looked to be the husband and father. He was carrying a shopping bag in each hand and looking in the general direction of his wife. He had on a knit shirt and Lorin saw that he had a muscular build. He and wife were probably in their late thirties. Rita and Miriam led Lorin to the bras almost directly in front of the family and Lorin wished that he could get away. Miriam said, "I think they should be on this rack. We might have only a couple of the "Thank Goodness It Fits" bras left."

"Thank Goodness It Fits?" the woman standing nearby said after overhearing Miriam. Addressing her daughter she said, "Cindy, that's what you wanted didn't you?"

"Yes, mom," Cindy said. She was tall and thin with long straight blond hair and seemed to be shy.

"They should be here. Let's see" and Miriam stooped down in front of a rack and reached toward the back of the lower part. She said, "there they are, behind the secrets bras. Just a few left. She took out two white padded bras. She checked the size of the first one and said, 34B, and handed it to Lorin. Then she checked the second one and said, "34B". What size do you say you wanted?"

Lorin held the bra with trembling hands. Everyone was looking at him including the man. Lorin looked down at the bra. It looked immense to him. The cups were well formed, large and filled with padding.

"34A. She said 34A," he said. He wanted desperately to run, run as far away as he could as fast as he could. He glanced up at the man and saw his eyes drilling into him. It was just so obvious that Lorin wanted the bra for himself.

"Can I see that," the woman said indicating the bra Lorin was holding and Lorin gladly handed it to her. "This is what you wanted? With all this padding?"

"I don't know mom. Rachel and Tammy bought "Thank Goodness It Fits" bras and they were telling me how comfortable and pretty they are."

Cindy took the bra from her mom and looked at it. "I think its sort of nice mom."

"It's going to make you enormous. You're barely a 34A anyway. This is too big."

"I think there are "Thank Goodness It Fits" bras without all that padding," Miriam said. "This boy was looking for a padded bra, but it also comes with light padding. I can look in a second." Turning to Lorin she said, "I'm sorry we don't have the padded Playtex bra in 34A today. Perhaps you would also be interested in the light padding styles."

Miriam bent down and started going through some of the bras. "We do have some with light padding. Let me see we have 34NA and 36NB and 36B. No 34A. I'm sorry."

"What is the NA mean?" the woman asked, "I've never heard of that."

Miriam took out the 34NA bra and stood up. "The NA means "nearly an A"."

"How cute, the woman gushed. She took the bra from Miriam's hand. "Its darling. Such little cups! What do you think Cindy?"

Cindy took the bra, "its pretty mom."

"Its got just the right amount of padding. Just to give a little help without being overwhelming," Cindy's mom said.

"I've got several more of those," Miriam said. She fished out another 34NA bra in pink and said, "here's a pink one. Its so pretty. Perhaps this would be good for you?" and she handed it to Lorin.

Cindy said, "oh, mom, I like the pink one too!" She was looking at the bra in Lorin's hand.

Cindy's dad had moved a few steps back, but he could still see and hear what was transpiring. Lorin glanced back up at him and saw that he was looking at the pink bra he was holding. The husband's gaze finally left him and Lorin saw him looking out across the floor. He took a couple of steps further away and then looked back at Lorin.

"The young girls just love these bras," Rita said. "Being a NA is a lot more positive than being an AA. Nearly an A makes girls feel like they are basically an A." The women laughed. "I wish that they had had those when I was a girl."

"Can I try these on mom?" Cindy said.

The woman said to Miriam, "do you have another 34NA in pink?"

"No, thats the only one," she said indicating the bra in Lorin's hand.

Cindy said to Lorin, "do you want that bra?"

Lorin shook his head.

"Can I have it?"

"Oh, sure," Lorin said and handed it to her.

"You know that "Thank Goodness It Fits" bras come in lots more styles," Miriam said "We don't even carry them all here."

"You don't say," Cindy's mom said and then she, Rita and Miriam entered into a conversation about buying bras for young girls. Lorin initially was listening then lost track of it when Cindy said to him, "Golly, the boys in my class are always teasing the girls about their bras."

Lorin blushed some more, as if that was even possible, knowing exactly what she was talking about. "Some guys are dumb," he said.

"You're the first boy I've met who wants a bra. All the girls do. Its like what we talk about all the time. I didn't know boys want them too."

"I'm helping out my sister."

"Why doesn't she get her own bras?"

Lorin wanted to say she was sick or something, but only said, "its complicated."

Cindy smiled slightly as if she knew the real truth. "I think its kind of nice you are willing to buy your sister some bras. The guys I know at school would die before they ever did anything girlish."

There was a sweetness about Cindy that Lorin found himself liking very much. She did not appear to be judgmental, like he could easily imagine a lot of the girls in his class would be if they found him trying to buy a bra.

"What school do you go to?" Cindy asked him.

Lorin was pretty sure he had never seen her before and he said, "Van Wyck".

"Oh, I go to Bryant." Van Wyck and Bryant were the two junior high schools in the town. Van Wyck on the north side and Bryant on the south side.

At that moment Rita said to Cindy, "Would you like this one?"

"Cindy," her mother said, "pay attention. Would you like this bra?" The bra Rita was holding was beige and of a different style than the white and pink ones she was now holding."

"Sure mom. I could try it on."

"Good. We better get busy. You're dad is being a great sport so far, but he's liable to lose his patience any minute now." To Rita she said, "no matter how many times you tell them, men do not understand that you can't rush buying a bra. Its got to look and feel right."

"Ain't that the truth," Rita said.

"Lets try these on," Cindy's mom said and to her husband she said, "we're going to try these on." He nodded his head and pointed to his watch in a joking away.

Turning back to Lorin, Rita said, "so we can't interest you in any of these bras?"

"Oh, no, I'm sorry. It's supposed to be a 34A. And its supposed to be padded."

"I'm sorry we don't have your padded 34A Playtex bra, but I'm sure we have some pretty padded Bali bras in that size" Rita said, "come look at these, Bali makes a very nice bra."

Miriam interrupted, "Rita, I've got to get back," and to Lorin she said, "remember what I said before, those pretty dresses are going to go quickly!"

"I will ma'am, thank you," Lorin said and to Rita he said, "No. Its OK. My sister said she wanted just the Playtex 34A. I guess I better go now..."

"A new shipment should arrive any day. We can call you when they arrive. How's that?" Rita said.

"Oh, OK," Lorin said. "Great."

"Tell me your number."

Lorin hesitated trying to think of a phony number. His mind drew a blank and he started reciting his real home phone number figuring he would change a number, but when he got to the end he realized he had said it correctly.

"OK, and whats your name?"

"Penny," he said.

"Penny?" Rita said.

"No, I mean thats my sister. I'm Lorin."

"OK, Lorin we'll let you know when the new bras arrive."

"Thanks," Lauren said and walked away. He went past Cindy's dad with his face averted, and continued casually toward the escalator. He went down the escalator to the second floor and took a moment to collect himself. He felt emotionally drained and guilty. He was sure that Cindy's dad knew exactly what he was up to. He looked at his watch. It was just noon time. He would get a slice of pizza and then start walking to Penny's house. If he walked slowly enough he'd get there just at one. He headed toward the down escalator, but before he took two steps he heard his name being called. "Lorin? What are you doing here?" It was his mother's voice. He turned around and saw her and his sister approaching him.

"Hi," he said. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest. What if he had been carrying a shopping bag with bras in it? His mother would have surely wanted to know what was in it. This whole plan of his had been incredibly dumb. "I was just looking at the western shirts," Lorin said.

"I didn't know you liked them," his mom said.

"I guess I don't but I just wanted to look in case I did."

"Are you all ready for your date?" his mom asked.

Lorin could see his sister smirking a bit. "Its not exactly a date," Lorin said.

"Well it is sort of," his mom said and then let it go. "Well, we've got to be moving. I thought I'd get your sister some new bras and panties."

"Mom!" his sister said.

"Yes, well, good luck and just remember to have fun."

"Thanks, mom, bye," Lorin said.

He went down the escalator and outside. Holy cow, he though to himself. Just a minute difference in timing and his mom and sister would have seen him in the bra department. Either he was very very lucky or very very stupid or both. He got some pizza and a Coke and ate it quickly. Then he headed toward Penny's house. On the way he reviewed his morning's experience. The reality of buying bras was a lot different from his fantasy about buying them. He had a lot less courage when it came right down to it than he thought he would have. He wondered if he would actually be able to buy girls clothes at all. He remembered the pretty dress and he felt a dull ache of desire for it. To wear that dress at the cotillion would make him the happiest person in the world. He could easily imagine ten girls falling in love with it the same way he had. If Jensen's were to sell out of it, it would be gone forever from his grasp. He was going to have to figure out his dress size and he was going to have to come back, maybe after school one day and buy it and pray to God he could accomplish all that. And if he did get the dress, then there was still the major headache of finding the bras he wanted. The pink bra he had been holding was exactly the one he wanted. It was a 34NA. The same bra size as Cindy. It was so obvious to everyone that he wanted a padded bra for himself. Like the sales lady said, girls need to try on their bras. His story about his sister was so lame. And the look of that man! Lorin would do anything to not have to experience that again. On the other hand, Cindy had been so nice. He wondered if Penny would have been as nice as her. If he ever got a date with Cindy, her dad would really freak out, that was for sure.

End of Chapter 3

  

  

  

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