HOT AND BOTHERED                    by: Roy Del Frink

 

Marla Porter was fifty-eight years of age, and felt like she was seventy. Her once shapely figure had been ravaged by every fashion model’s twin enemies, time and gravity. Though she had once been a respectable five foot six, she’d lost a couple inches in height to old age. All her hair had turned brown, then gray, then white. That’s what happens to natural blondes. She’d raised three happy children who’d since become successes in life. Poor Marla, on the other hand, was stuck behind the same receptionist’s desk she’d worked for thirty years. Her face, and much of her torso, was coated with wrinkles. While she’d once weighed a svelte 120 pounds, now she was up to 200. But the worst part was the menopause. It started around fifty. Like most women, it caused Marla’s periods to feel even worse. It seemed like she felt a hot flash at least three times every day. But, defying all medical logic, her periods were still continuing. Marla had looked forward to the end of menstruation, but after seven menopausal years, it still hadn’t come yet. Her husband Bert had died two days before, leaving her uncertain how to carry on. And she couldn’t retire for another seven years, longer if an increase in the retirement age was on the horizon, a plausible concern. She’d seen her doctors about the problem, and they had no explanation for her unusual medical state. Marla felt like killing herself, though she knew suicide wasn’t the answer and she’d never seriously attempted it. Her whole future seemed hopeless.

Marla was strolling down the street one day when she found it. A beautiful, flawless diamond ring. She picked it up and put it on. As she arrived at work, she thought about her life. She’d had several great years, but those were behind her now. She was ready to enter the "golden years" of her life, but nature wouldn’t bring an end to her monthly feminine torture. And her children, though all successful and married, had no children of their own, so Marla couldn’t even experience the joys of grandmotherhood. And though she didn’t enjoy men hitting on her in her youth, she missed the occasional leers men had given her. Not for nearly twenty years had a young man given her so much as a second glance. She felt old beyond her years, worn out, and tired. After getting home and eating a quick supper, she had a long, hot, relaxing bath and went to sleep about 8PM, her usual bedtime. Just before she dozed off, she stroked the ring she’d picked up off the sidewalk. It looked so pretty, much prettier than Marla. As she dazed off, she wondered if there was a way out of her dreary life.

In her sleep, she saw a magnificent young lady dressed in a blue sequined dress. She carried a gold-coated stick in her hand with a star on top. A ruby-encrusted crown sat atop her head, and although she was easily Marla’s age, she looked much prettier. Great, Marla thought to herself. It’s just like Cinderella’s fairy godmother, without the wings.

"Actually," the figure said to her, "I do have wings. They’re rather small, though." She turned around, and lo and behold, Marla could see two tiny wings between her shoulder blades. Though she couldn’t fly, the mysterious woman could flap them easily. Marla was stunned at the sight of her beauty.

"Hello, Marla. Yes, I know your name. That’s because I’m your fairy godmother."

"But that’s nonsense," Marla protested. "There’s no such thing."

"Oh, dear. It seems the ‘Age of Reason’ has caused most mortals to forget all about the magical arts that helped humanity so well for so long. My name is Fay, Marla, and I’m here to help you. You know that ring you found today? It’s a magic ring. When you stroked it, you summoned me. Now, how can I help you?"

"Well, Fay," Marla replied, "I’m not the pretty young lady I used to be. I’m old, I’m alone, I have no grandkids, I’m stuck in a dead-end job, my husband is dead, and I have to get through this stupid menopause. Sheesh, you’d think I’d be done after seven years. Can you fix things so that I’m no longer old, alone, working in a bad position, widowed, or going through periods?"

Fay got lost in thought, then stared at Marla again. "My, that’s an unusual request, Marla, but I think I can grant it. When you wake up tomorrow morning, you’ll have everything you wish for."

"Thanks," Marla responded. Fay disappeared before her eyes, and Marla had no more dreams before she woke up.

That morning, Marla remembered what Fay had promised her. Nevertheless, she felt different. She felt younger, more alive. She also felt a whole foot taller. When she got out of bed, she noticed a beautiful young woman sleeping next to her. Marla entered the bathroom and stared in the mirror. The reflected image gave her the shock of her life. She was a man! The face looked about thirty years old, with brownish hair full of golden highlights. Exactly like Marla’s own hair had been at age thirty. This man was also six foot five, and had little flab. Marla weighed herself, and discovered she was 230 pounds of lean muscle. Though her breasts and feminine entrance were gone, they were replaced with a strong, 13-inch long, 4-inch wide male organ. Well, Marla chuckled to herself, this is one time when 13 is a very lucky number! Her proportions were also consistent with that of a young man. Marla realized she’d have to shave every morning, but it was a small price to pay to avoid making her face every morning, and those damn periods. Menopause was no longer a concern for her. After a shower and a quick shave (which yielded three nicks), Marla re-entered the bedroom and checked the closet. All her dresses, blouses, and skirts were replaced with T-shirts, business suits, and pants. Exactly the kind of wardrobe a young business executive should wear. Then she turned back to the bed, where she could see the woman stirring.

"Marlon, my dear husband?" she uttered, "It’s Barbara, you’re wife. How are you?"

"I’m fine," he replied.

"Well, then, I’m ready to go to work. I hope the boss enjoys my typing skills. Go and get ‘em, tiger."

Marlon realized he was now in a much better shape than Marla had ever been. After leaving the bedroom, he discovered he now had three children between the ages of five and ten. He could hardly wait for them to grow up and have kids of their own. Marla had always been somewhat curious what sex is like for the man, and tonight Marlon would get a chance to find out. But first, he got ready for work, then drove over to his office suite. It was time for Marlon enjoy the perks of his new job.

 

THE END

 

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