Bonnie Jeanne

by Janis Elizabeth

 

It seems like my earliest recollection of enjoying feminine things occurred when I was around eleven years old. Whenever I was home alone, I would look at Mom's women's magazines and imagine myself using the products, whether the ads were for makeup or feminine hygiene products. A special treat was looking at all of the women's dresses, formal gowns, lingerie, sleepwear and shoes in the big store catalogs we would get every spring and fall. Mom may have suspected something though because many of the pages were dog-eared from my repeated handling. However, she never said anything to me about it.

I had even gone so far as to have selected a feminine name for myself. The line from a folk song, "There's many a bonny Jeanne in the town of Aberdeen" provided me with the inspiration for my feminine name. It also matched my normal initials of Brendan John. If I could ever dress like a girl, I would become Bonnie Jeanne. I even spent many hours practicing signing my name as Bonnie Jeanne, making the handwriting as dainty and feminine as possible. My practice signatures were kept in the back of a regular notebook. In time, I had the back half filled with my "Bonnie Jeanne" signature. Each time I wrote in my special notebook, I was more convinced that I had written it in a more feminine manner than before. I usually kept the notebook in a desk drawer, under some papers.

Unfortunately, all my dreams were just that, dreams. I never had the nerve to go into Mom's room and try on some of her silky underwear or one of her lovely nightgowns. I felt like Mom would be upset if she ever found out that I had dressed in her things. The hamper was never an option as Mom would hand wash her lingerie in the sink of the bathroom off of her room and hang it there to dry. I never gave up hope though that one day I could satisfy my heart's desire and wear feminine things, like those I continually saw in the catalogs.

One Saturday afternoon, when I was 13, I had been practicing writing my lovely feminine name when Mom asked if I would go to the store for some bread and milk. Unthinkingly, I set my notebook on top of my desk and headed to the corner store. When I returned, Mom was waiting at the door for me, holding my notebook. She had a look of concern that caused me to really worry. She held it up and asked me about it. She said she had noticed it on my desk when she was putting away some of my clean clothes and she wondered what it was. When I said it was nothing, she asked why I had signed Bonnie Jeanne Meadows so many times. She said that a girl usually does it when she imagines that one day she will marry her boyfriend and change her name. However, she had never heard of a boy doing anything similar. Her finding of my notebook caused me to realize that I was eventually going to have to answer her.

I must have blushed furiously for my face felt all hot and flushed. In a halting voice, I said it was nothing and it meant nothing. Of course, Mom didn't believe me for a second. She did let me take the bread and milk to the kitchen before she again confronted me. She had me sit on the sofa while she sat across from me in a living room chair still holding my notebook. She silently looked at me, awaiting an explanation.

Finally, when she spoke, she said that, as she flipped from the back to the front of the notebook, she noticed that the signature became nicer until, at the most recent entries; it looked quite like a girl's handwriting. If she had only been shown the latest page, instead of seeing the entire book, she would have sworn that a girl had written it. Secretly, this caused me to glow with pride. However, I knew that I could never admit to her why I had written in the notebook nor that I enjoyed her compliment about the handwriting.

Mom then went and picked up the most recent catalog and commented on how it seemed to open automatically to certain pages and sections, such as lingerie and formal gowns. After a few minutes of waiting for an answer, she looked at me and asked if I had selected this name for myself. Did I want to be a girl? At that moment, all I wanted to do was hide. All I could do was bury my head in my hands and I started to cry. Mom moved from her chair and sat beside me on the sofa. She gently stroked my head, telling me everything was all right.

When I finally composed myself somewhat, she gently asked me if I had enjoyed looking at all of the clothes in the catalog. Silently, I nodded my head, without looking up at her. She then asked if I wished that I could sometimes wear girl's clothes. Again, I slowly nodded my head. Lastly, she asked me if I had ever worn any girl's clothes, either hers or some that I might have bought. I shook my head 'No' indicating I had not dressed up as yet. Mom cupped my chin in her hands and looked me in the eyes. "If I can work this out, would you like to become my daughter Bonnie Jeanne for the rest of the weekend?" I looked expectantly at her and simply said, "Yes! Yes! Yes!"

Mom then asked if she could leave me for a few minutes while she made a call. I nodded and leaned back against the sofa and waited for her return, wondering who she was calling. Mom was back fairly quickly saying she had called her sister Meg, asking if she could borrow some of my cousin Carolyn's clothes. Carolyn was six years older than I and when she had been thirteen, despite her Mom's best efforts, wore attire more suited to a tomboy than to a teenage girl. I was overjoyed when Mom said that Aunt Meg had said it was all right. Quickly though my joy turned to concern as I wondered what my aunt would think of all of this. Realizing what was on my mind, Mom allayed my fears by saying that Meg had already guessed why she wanted to borrow the clothes and was excited about meeting her new niece. She even asked her niece's name but Mom said she didn't reveal it. Additionally, Carolyn was away at college, so I would not have to face her teasing.

We drove the short distance to Aunt Meg's house. All through the trip, my heart was racing with excitement. I was almost hyperventilating. As we came up the walk, Meg was already opening the door to greet us. She smiled and hugged me, telling me that she was really happy for me, if this is what I desired. She then led me to her spare room where Carolyn's outgrown clothes were stored.

Carolyn had many pretty things that she had hardly ever worn. Just looking at them in all of the pretty colors and lovely fabrics as they hung in the closets almost caused my head to spin. As I was looking at these lovely clothes, Mom was explaining her discovery of earlier to her sister. Aunt Meg and Mom then started sorting through the closets and bureau drawers picking out different things for me to wear. Several items looked like they still had the original price tags on them. Mom indicated that I should start getting undressed. When she said that, I almost died of embarrassment. It was bad enough to be a 13-year-old boy naked in front of your Mom but to be seen that way by your aunt was unthinkable. Much to my relief, Aunt Meg, sensing my discomfort, said she would leave the room until I was decently dressed.

After she left, I quickly removed all of my boy clothes in anticipation of becoming Bonnie Jeanne for the first time. Mom handed me a lacy pair of white satin panties, which I carefully put on. The sensation I felt as I pulled the panties up my legs was wonderful. Finding a box of teen sized sanitary pads, Mom took one out and handed it to me. It took a few seconds for me to realize where to position it in my panties and then to position myself so that I exhibited a feminine front. Once I did, I felt so much better. Mom called out to her sister, saying it was all right to return. Aunt Meg came in and told me the panties looked very lovely on me.

She then helped me into my first bra, a white one with some decorative lace on the cups. She smiled as she told me that it was padded to enhance my budding figure and how much Carolyn had disliked having to wear her first bra. After it was in place, I looked down and carefully touched the two bumps on my chest. Mom then handed me a pair of sheer white tights. She had me sit on the bed and showed me how to put them on without causing a run or getting them all bunched up. I followed her instructions and savored the feeling of the nylon as it slid up my legs. After the tights were in place, Mom said that when I was older, she would introduce me to the joys of wearing garter belts and stockings. I smiled and said I could hardly wait.

Next came a lacy, white, knee-length full slip and a pair of one inch white heels. I admit that I held tightly on to Mom and Aunt Meg as I took my first steps in heels. It wasn't long before I could walk gracefully in the heels. Aunt Meg said that one day she would get me much higher heels if I wanted them. I smiled and thanked her for her gracious offer.

Meg then took my hand and led me into her room. She had me sit at her vanity, facing away from the mirror. As Mom stood by and watched, Aunt Meg used all of her skills as a cosmetician in applying makeup to my face. She also instructed me on the proper techniques in applying makeup. As she applied my foundation and powder, she told me that, early on, teen girls tend to overdo their makeup. As a small amount of blush was put on my cheeks, Meg emphasized that too much makeup would hide my natural beauty. Some eye shadow was lightly applied to my lids. The finishing touch was a coating of pink lipstick on my lips. I was then given a tissue and instructed on the proper method of blotting my lips after having applied lipstick. I was ready to turn and look at the finished product when Aunt Meg reminded me that there was still one more thing to do before I could look at myself. She went to her closet and returned with a wig box. I almost fainted as she fit the nice wig over my head and made sure it was securely in place. It was shoulder length, had an outward curl and even matched my own hair color. Aunt Meg proceeded to brush some of the front to give me bangs. She then tied a wide white satin ribbon in a big bow in my hair.

I was then allowed to look at myself. The reflected image was that of a pretty 13-year-old girl in her lingerie with just a touch of makeup. As I looked at myself, Mom came up to me and said, "Bonnie Jeanne, you look so lovely. I have always wanted a daughter and now I have one on at least on a part-time basis. Are you enjoying your transformation? Would you like to do this regularly?" I was so overjoyed; I couldn't speak, so I simply nodded my head.

Aunt Meg said that her niece should finish dressing and then, perhaps, the three of us could go out. When I expressed a doubt about appearing in public in a dress, Aunt Meg looked at me and said, "Bonnie Jeanne, no one will ever know you are anything but what you seem to be, a lovely teenage girl out with her mother and her aunt. I do so want to show my pretty niece off to the world. I can even lend your Mom a nice dress so that we can go to someplace really special and enjoy ourselves."

I blushed hearing my aunt's words. Both Mom and Aunt Meg thought I was a pretty girl. If they felt I looked fine, I was willing to risk being seen in public as Bonnie Jeanne. With that settled, we returned to the spare room and picked out my dress. Mom and Aunt Meg liked different dresses. Finally, Mom found a full skirted, navy satin dress trimmed in white that she felt was perfect. Upon looking at it, Aunt Meg agreed that it was the right one for me. Mom carefully lifted the dress over my head and let it settle around my waist. She then lifted the front so that I could put my arms into the short sleeves. While Mom zipped up the back, Aunt Meg was selecting my accessories. She clipped small white beaded earrings on my ears and placed a white beaded necklace around my neck. She handed me a plain white shoulder purse and a pair of wrist length white gloves, completing my image as a young lady. I gently put the gloves on my hands.

Aunt Meg said I could wait in the family room while she and Mom changed. She reminded me to smooth my dress under me as I sat down and to make sure I sat ladylike with both knees together. I smiled and said I would put her lessons to good use. My dress felt so smooth and caressed my stocking clad knees with each step that I took. I made sure to sit properly in the family room. Instead of watching television, I picked up one of the women's magazines and read it until Mom and Aunt Meg were ready.

Mom came in wearing a form-fitting sleeveless red silk sheath that fit her perfectly. She was wearing matching red four-inch heels. Aunt Meg was wearing a black crepe dress that fell to below her knees. Sequins adorned the bodice of the dress. She had on black three-inch heels. Aunt Meg first asked if I liked my Mom's heels. I smiled and said they were very nice. She then took my purse and quickly filled it with makeup, tissues, a wallet with some of my cousin's old identification and some money. Mom showed me her photo ID and then said how much I looked like my cousin when she was my age. Aunt Meg then said that I needed some perfume to complete my outfit. She had a small bottle of a very youthful and feminine perfume, which she sprayed on me. I then put the bottle in my purse as we headed to the car.

Dinner was a blur that evening, although I do know we went to a very nice restaurant. It felt strange having the waiter address me as 'Miss'. It was even stranger to be called Bonnie Jeanne, even though I had written the name many times and had imagined the joy I would feel if I were ever called by that name. I relished the feel of my tights rubbing together as I walked and savored the sound of my heels hitting the pavement. When the meal arrived, Mom quietly reminded me that a young girl does not gulp her food or chew it noisily. I made sure that I took small bites.

After dinner, Mom, Aunt Meg and I visited the Ladies' Room. Mom quietly explained how I should take care of myself while in the stall wearing a dress. When we were finished, I carefully looked in the mirror, checking my makeup and hair. Mom smiled as she observed me. All too soon though the dinner was over and we were headed back to Aunt Meg's. Mom complimented me and said I behaved like a perfect young lady. Aunt Meg was also very complimentary of her niece. She said how nice it was now to have a niece to do girl things with, like shopping.

Aunt Meg gathered some outfits to tide me over through Sunday and said that we would expand my wardrobe next weekend when we had more time. Among other things, I saw her select a lovely pink dress to include in the things I was taking home with me. Mom also gathered some bras, panties, sleepwear and shoes for her new daughter.

At home, Mom helped me change out of the dress. She said I should take off my slip and tights, but that I could leave my panties and bra on. She made sure I carefully hung up my dress and folded my slip and put it away. As I put the heels by my dresser, Mom handed me a lovely mint green satin waltz-length nightgown with a nylon overlay. She helped me put my wig away and showed me how to remove my makeup while cleansing my skin. As I got into bed, Mom sat down beside me and smiled. She asked me if I would like to go with her to church in the morning. I smiled and said that I would like that, although I suggested that we attend a different one and not our normal church. Mom gave me a good night kiss and said, "Bonnie Jeanne, I hope you have very pleasant dreams tonight." I thanked her for making my fondest wish come true.

As the morning sun streamed through my window, I arose, enjoying the sensation of the nightgown around me. Mom had placed a matching robe beside my bed and some fluffy slippers. I quickly put on the robe and slippers and joined Mom in the kitchen for a light breakfast. She smiled when she saw me and asked how I slept. I told her it was the most pleasant night of sleep I had had in some time.

After cleaning up from breakfast, Mom and I got ready for church. She asked if I needed any help. I said that I probably would but let me start on my own first. I removed my robe and nightgown and washed my face. I used a fluffy towel to pat my face dry as I had seen my Mom do on many occasions. I went to my room and found a pair of pink panties, pink tights, a pink slip and another pad laying there for me. Hanging on the door was my pink satin dress with white lace trim and short puffy sleeves.

I dressed as quickly as I could, including putting on my wig. I did need Mom's help to zip my dress, touch up my wig and to do my makeup. Mom was more than pleased to help me out, but she did remind me that it is better to do your makeup first before you put on your dress rather than afterwards. She carefully applied my makeup, making sure that she didn't get any on my dress. After blotting my lips, she brushed my wig slightly. I was ready to get up but Mom wasn't finished. She pinned a small white lacy scarf to my wig while saying that she believed a woman should always have her head covered in church. I had noticed that Mom always seemed to wear a black lacy scarf when we went to church but I never asked her about it.

It took about twenty minutes drive to church. During the trip, Mom and I chatted about inconsequential things. Inside the church, we were welcomed as visitors and greeted warmly. Mom told the greeters she was Linda Meadows and that I was her daughter Bonnie Jeanne. Although I loved hearing Mom say that, it still sounded new and strange to me. I was complimented on both my lovely name and upon my ladylike appearance.

After the service, we participated in the fellowship time that the church held. As Mom chatted with some of the adults, I mingled with the girls. I introduced myself to several and was greeted warmly by each. One asked me why I was wearing the scarf on my head. I explained mom's belief that a woman should not have her head uncovered in church. Another said that, even though that was a passé belief, I looked very nice in my dress, gloves and scarf. I thanked her for her kind words. I was feeling more comfortable as Bonnie Jeanne with each passing moment.

Once we left the church, Mom and I went out for a leisurely Sunday brunch before returning home. Although I wanted to stay in my lovely dress, Mom suggested I change into something more casual. She told me to remove everything except my bra and panties and that she would select an outfit for me to wear the rest of the day. I quickly had removed my dress and hung it up as well as putting away my heels, tights and slip. Mom had changed into a short sleeve, white cotton blouse and a dark green, knee-length jumper. She selected a white blouse, an A-line denim skirt, knee-highs and a pair of flats for me.

As I changed, Mom sat on my bed. She asked me why I had never tried on anything of hers. I smiled as I looked at her and said that there were two reasons. One, I wasn't sure that her things would fit me properly and two, I was scared to death that she would catch me dressed and would be upset with me. Mom looked at me and said that she could never be upset with me, especially now since I had become the daughter, part-time, that she had never had.

After I was dressed, I sat down beside Mom on the edge of my bed. I looked up and asked her if she were concerned about my desires to be Bonnie Jeanne and dress accordingly. She hugged me tightly and said that she was glad that I wasn't the typical macho teenage boy, trying to prove his manhood. She was happy that I would want to experience the softer side of my personality through the wearing of pretty things.

As we chatted, I knew that I was happy and felt that Mom was happy also. Mom told me that I could be Bonnie Jeanne any time I was home, whether it was on weeknights or weekends. She hoped that I would be her daughter fulltime every weekend. I nodded and said I would like that. Mom then said that we would go over to Aunt Meg's early next Saturday and get some more clothes for me to wear.

Mom also said that she was going to redo the spare bedroom, making it into a femininely appointed room, done in pastels, which would be more suitable for her daughter. She would get me a canopy bed, desk, dresser and my own mirrored vanity so that I would be able to look at my lovely reflection and properly do my makeup. Once the room was completed, we would start storing my new clothes in there.

I told Mom that, other than to dress for school, I expected to be using Bonnie Jeannie's room far more than Brandon's room. This elicited a big smile from Mom. She teased me about my lack of a feminine hairdo, other than with the wig and said she could hardly wait to take me for my first beauty salon appointment. I reminded her that she could take me to her salon any time, since I would still need to have my hair trimmed so that it would grow out properly. I told her I would really enjoy going into that sanctuary of femininity and having my hair cut, even if I couldn't enjoy any of the other services as yet. Mom looked at me and said that I could still get a manicure, a facial or even a hot oil conditioning of my hair now before my hair grew to a more feminine length. She said she would arrange to take me to her hair stylist soon. She might even tell her, in strictest confidence, about Bonnie Jeanne and see what could be done on her daughter's behalf.

Mom again said how wonderful it would be to have a daughter. She then looked at me and asked if I wanted to share a tomato and some tuna. I nodded in agreement. Before we stood to leave Brandon's room, I gently put my head on her shoulder and thanked her for allowing Bonnie Jeanne to be. I told her I was so happy that she had accepted my new persona and that I would try to be the best daughter she would want. As we headed for the kitchen, I knew that my exciting days as Bonnie Jeanne were just beginning and that I could look forward to many feminine, fulfilling ones in the future. I could hardly wait to enjoy the new feminine experiences that would be occurring. However, I knew that patience was important and I knew that Bonnie Jeanne would do her best to wait patiently and not try to have all of her feminine experiences at once.

 

 

 

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© 2002 by Janis Elizabeth. All Rights Reserved. These documents (including, without limitation, all articles, text, images, logos, compilation design) may printed for personal use only. No portion of these documents may be stored electronically, distributed electronically, or otherwise made available without express written consent of the copyright holder.