It was a warm summer night....I was having difficulty falling asleep. My thoughts were a jumble of everything and nothing. It was like a time warp...I had just graduated High School and was wondering what direction to take. I wanted to go to college but what to study? I wasn't happy with my life so far. Frustrated was a better word. I had developed no social life...no real friends, male or female. Oh, I was attracted to girls but for the wrong reasons. Since early childhood, I enjoyed things feminine, and I grew to want more than to observe...I wanted to partake. The soft smooth feel on a slip, the sheerness of stockings, lace trimmed panties. I frequently smuggled my sister's things to a secure place where I could try them on, usually the bathroom. First simple things, a slip, panties, hose, whatever she wouldn't miss for a little while. It felt so right on my body. Except, I didn't like having to sneak around while I did it. Eventually I became brazen enough to roam the house fully attired when I was alone. Through my teenage years, I got good at completely crossdressing, even applying makeup. I grew very comfortable dressed as a girl, yet I didn't have the nerve to reveal my desire to anybody. It had to remain my secret... I knew no one would understand but I wanted to experience life as a woman...I wanted to be a woman. I wished I had been born female. What should I do?
I made plans to go away to college. I selected a large school where I could be assured some degree of anonymity. Using my savings, I acquired a small apartment near the campus. My parents agreed to help with tuition. After moving in, I immediately started my long awaited transformation. I shopped the clothing consignment stores for a woman's wardrobe of the basics, and bought lingerie items and shoes from the local Sears outlet. The drugstore provided me with cosmetics and beauty supplies. Back at my apartment, I couldn't wait to change into my feminine persona, do my face and fix my hair, which was long enough to arrange into an acceptable girl's style. Confident that this was going to be permanent, I shaped my eyebrows, trimmed my hair into bangs, curled my lashes, and carefully applied my makeup. I needed to hide my desire no more. This was the beginning of a new lifestyle and I was thrilled. I was able to find a padded bra with removable foam inserts at the consignment store. They would serve me well. Putting on a skirt and sweater over my panties and pantyhose, and in flat shoes, I ventured out in public, my first time, looking and feeling like any other girl. I was too excited to be nervous...this was what I always dreamed of...I knew I was passable, I looked good, and I felt wonderful. I was like a bird released from captivity. I walked for hours, learning my way around the campus and developing my confidence in public. Even my voice didn't give me away...I had spent a long time practicing feminine speech. The next day, I registered for classes as a girl, slightly modifying my records to show that I was a female. My male name was Randolph Allen so I changed it to Randi Anne, a slight change made to look like a typo. In the rush of registration, it went through without a hitch. Now, I was committed...there was no turning back.
When classes started, I was just another female student in the crowd of freshmen. I found my new lifestyle to be relaxing and natural. I did my homework in a timely fashion and maintained my feminine appearance without a problem...in fact, it was a pleasure. I was now happy for the first time in my life. The time passed quickly as my transformation improved. My hair grew longer and more versatile. My female mannerisms became more instinctive with the consistent contact of other girls in study sessions. I completely and willingly forgot anything about my male identity. Time passed quickly and the semester ended and the next one quickly began. My grades were excellent. During holidays, I elected not to go home telling my family I was too busy or making other excuses. I wasn't ready to reveal Randi to my family yet.
I established a few casual female friendships and no one was suspicious of my true male gender. I was even invited to join a sorority but I lacked the funds for that. My girlfriends would frequently visit my apartment where we'd have coffee or cokes and talk about boys. I could join that discussion with authority. Of course I had to be careful not to defend the male gender, and not having any experience dating boys, I had much to learn from the girl's point of view. I was teased about my lack of dating experience and finally gave in to being fixed up on a date...a double date. I was introduced to a gentleman who treated me like a lady. The farthest he got was a good night kiss and, I admit, it was enjoyable. It, too, felt natural for me.
At the conclusion of my first school year, I preferred to stay in the college town so I took a job as a library assistant at the school over the summer. My mother was disturbed about my staying so she decided to visit me. I knew it had to happen eventually. When she arrived at my apartment, I was waiting for her. At first sight, she thought I was Randy's girlfriend until I spoke to her. The shock of seeing her son as a girl almost caused her to faint.
Calming her down, I explained everything...my feelings as I was growing up, what I was doing now, and why; that I wanted to be a woman, that I was so content this way. She accepted my story graciously and as long as I was happy, she agreed to support me with my decision. Now she had two daughters. As mother and daughter, I showed her around the campus, where I worked, and the town. We had a wonderful time together as she grew more comfortable with her new daughter and even complemented me on my femininity. We had a long talk and a good cry. She admitted she was sorry for not knowing how I felt as a child, that I had such a strong desire to be a girl. She would have helped me...I shouldn't have had to live alone with my secret.
Throughout the summer vacation, my job kept me occupied during the day but my nights were free to socialize. I met Jerry, another student, at the library. He was attracted to me and asked me for a date. The attraction was mutual and we formed a close friendship. Our petting led to seduction. I enjoyed submitting to his advances, his kissing me, touching me, fondling...and I touched him back in a manner I knew he'd enjoy.
One night, we were in my bed, both of us partially undressed. Jerry had been kissing my smooth body all over...the combination of my perfume and soft skin had gotten him extremely passionate. I was fondling his very erect organ, rubbing it gently on it's sensitive underside and tender head while our lips engaged firmly, our tongues touching in passion. My organ was also hard but, I assumed, well concealed. when he reached down to reciprocate to my touching him.
He felt my penis! Without hesitation, he gently grasped it and began to rub as I had been doing to him. His kiss became more intense as his hand went inside my panties and fondled all my genitalia. I reacted by relaxing and giving him free access. He extracted my hot rigid organ from it's nylon and lace containment and, turning his body, put it into his mouth and sucked on it till I climaxed. He consumed every drop as I ran my fingers through his hair, in ecstasy.
I fell in love with this man at that moment. I lifted his head and we kissed passionately and expressed our love for each other. He admitted he was surprised at this discovery but in his eyes, I was all woman...his woman. He also apologized for his reaction in the heat of passion and hoped I wasn't offended! This scene was to be later repeated... many times. I satisfied him by hand while he took me orally. He especially liked going under my skirt for it while I wore my laciest panties. I denied him nothing.
When classes started in the Fall, Jerry and I were going steady. He treated me as a queen. Eventually he moved in with me to share my apartment...and my bed. The school years passed and we both graduated.
We talked about getting married, but I didn't want to have sex reassignment surgery, nor could we afford the expense...I was content with my life as I was living it. We agreed to live together as man and wife and concentrate on our careers. I got breast implants to replace breast forms, which made us both happy. This gave Jerry something to fondle as he continued to suck my large "clit".
We were engaged in a love session one night. It was just feeling so very delightful when a loud bell broke the mood. The ringing was intense....uncomfortable. The timing was awful!
Was it the telephone? A school bell?
It was the ALARM CLOCK! I had been sleeping soundly....what a dream! It was going so well...DAMN! Oh well, maybe it will recur. Was it a dream or wishful thinking?????
© 2000
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