Between a Rock and a Hard Place

by Jennifer White

   

I cleared my throat as the chairman asked the first question.

"For the record, what is your name?"

"Philip Peters" I replied.

"And what is your occupation?" he asked.

"Chief of staff for Senator Samuel Stone" I said.

I had worked for the powerful Senator for many years. Now I ran his office. Now I knew too much.

 

At first, I was a typical college graduate, eager to do something to serve my country, but naive enough to think that I could make a difference. That was before I understood all of the corruption, the money, the bribes. That was before I learned how powerful men could manipulate things to make money for themselves, their families, and their friends.

Now here I was, about to tell the committee everything I knew about the corruption in Senator Stone's office. And I knew the consequences. Being fired would be the least of my worries. The Senator's enemies had a bad streak of running into strange accidents, like the businessman who tried to run against him, who disappeared on a fishing trip. Or the chairman of the corporation who told him that he was going to pull their donations. He was suddenly found in a hotel room with hookers, drugs, cash and guns.

I knew that I was going to become a target for the Senator now. He would use all of his power to make my life miserable, or worse. I could end up disappearing like the others, or get framed and have to spend the rest of my life behind bars. He had enough judges in his pocket that I'd never win on appeal. In a way I was throwing away my life. But someone had to do it. Someone had to stop this man before he followed through with his plans to run for president.

And I was the only one who could bring him down. So here I was, testifying against him.

* * *

After three days of intense questioning, it was all over. Between what I told them, and the documents I had been able to sneak out of his office, they would certainly be able to bring his career in politics to an end. But it would drag on for months. And he still was excessively rich. I needed to go into hiding. That was why I was sitting in the Office of Protective Services.

"In the old days" said agent Frederick Smith, my contact there, "we would keep someone like you under lock and key to keep you safe. You'd have to live your life as a virtual prisoner, even though you were not the one who was in the wrong. You'd never be able to see your family or friends again. You'd be all but cut off from the world, denied the simple pleasure of a walk in the park, or even going out to dinner."

I nodded. I wasn't looking forward to living like that for years, until they were sure I was safe!

"But that was then, and this is now. We have new technologies. Secret technologies that can help someone like you. This is a mere formality, but I'm going to have to ask you to sign some papers here. These state that you promise never to reveal what you learn about our new technologies, under any circumstances, to anybody."

That seemed reasonable. Nondisclosures were common. I signed the papers, after giving them a brief scan. Everything seemed to be in order. Now I was excited to find out what this new technology could do for me.

"Senator Stone and his minions are going to be on the hunt for you" said Frederick. "Even at this moment, there is a car parked outside of this building, a black sedan that has been tailing you all day."

I didn't realize I was being followed!

"Let me show you something" he said, as he turned a computer display towards me. "This is the camera outside, overlaid with the thermal imaging of the same location."

I looked and saw the car. Inside of it, a man's body heat made him glow orange and yellow. Something beside him showed up as cold and blue though. I recognized the shape.

"A gun!" I said.

"Yes. I'm afraid so. Senator Stone might very well have hired a hit man already to get you. And so you can see, we're going to need to resort to the most desperate of measures."

"I understand" I said, as I felt my stomach sink, and my heart race. The Senator was going to try to have me killed!

"Back in the 1970's, we tried plastic surgery, and gave our 'clients' new identities in new locations. But they would call a friend, and give themselves away by their voices. Or they would live their lives as they had, and give themselves away by how they did things, their jobs, how they played golf, or some other trace that let the people watching realize who they were. We lost too many that way."

I didn't like the word 'lost'. That meant 'killed'.

"Now we have new technologies" said Frederick. "We're going to do something that will let you walk right out the front door, right past the hit man, and he will never have one single clue that it is you."

"Great" I said, eager to see this invention.

"Keep in mind that yours is a high-profile case, with dire circumstances. We're going to do something more extreme than you could imagine. We have a machine where we will be able to move your mind out of your body, and into someone else's. Their mind will be relocated into yours. You will *be* a different person. And you will be completely safe."

"That isn't possible!" I said.

"It is" replied Frederick, calmly. "It only takes an hour for the transfer."

"But what about the my body? It would still be a mark for the hit man."

"Yes. That is why we are transferring in a highly trained air force officer. They will be put in your body, then we will use the most careful of covert maneuvers to get them out of here. We have secret tunnels that will get them to the pentagon. By this time tomorrow, they'll be at an air force base overseas, doing their regular job on base, while you will be free to live your life in peace and safety."

"Wow" I said, taking that all in. It just didn't seem possible! But I wasn't a scientist. And with all the money the government spends on secret projects, who knows what all they have?

"Follow me" said Frederick. "The transfer will begin immediately."

"Can I meet the officer I'm trading bodies with?" I asked, as we walked down the hall.

"Sorry, I can't do that. Security risk. In here please. Just sit in that chair, while the technicians wire you up."

I sat the a chair that looked like one from a dentists office. Except this one was bristling with all kinds of technology, wires running everywhere, hooked up to large computerized machines that were humming with their lights blinking as technicians followed checklists to ensure everything was in order. I was quite nervous as I sat in the chair, as you can imagine!

"Sorry about this, but we must strap you in" said Frederick. "Sometimes in mid-transfer, your body could have an involuntary reaction and twitch or kick. We lost one man when his muscle spasms pulled him out of the electrodes. We can't let that happen again, so we strap in our clients."

"I understand" I said as a woman in a white lab coat closed restraints around my ankles, then my legs, my wrists, my upper arms, my chest, and then my head. They started attaching things to my head, and I felt quite claustrophobic. I didn't like this feeling of restraint! Everyone was kind and efficient, and they kept reassuring me that this was routine. But I felt so uncomfortable!

"The transfer will take about an hour" said the woman. "You'll feel a slight tingle for a while, then you'll find yourself falling asleep. Your brain will reboot and wake up in it new body."

She pressed a green button, and I felt an electric current as the note of the humming increased in pitch. It felt like all of the hairs on my body were standing on end. I did feel a tingle all over, and immediately I started to feel myself losing consciousness.

"Being phase two" said someone, as my eyes closed, my brain shut down, and I fell into troubled dreams....

* * *

I woke up with a start. I appeared to be in the same room, but I felt strange. The technicians swarming around me had on white coats, but their faces were different. Clearly, I was in a different room now. The woman taking off the electrodes from my head had red hair now, instead of the brunette who had put them onto me.

She removed the restraints from my ankles, legs, wrists, arms, and head. But I could feel that she missed a strap going around my chest in the middle. And for some reason, there were also straps going over my shoulders. I reached up to try and remove them myself, and the inside of my arm felt something strange: it brushed against a mound on my chest. The worst part was that I could also feel my arm with the mound.

I looked down and I gasped as I saw the most shocking thing of all my life: there on my chest were a pair of breasts! I was wearing a bra to support them! And down below, I had a skirt on, with smooth shaved legs poking out, ending in shoes with high heels. They had transferred me into a woman's body. No! I didn't want this!

"No!" I said out loud in an unfamiliar voice. "You've got to send me back!"

"That isn't possible" said the redhead. "First of all, we have our orders. And secondly, a person cannot under go two transfers in one weeks time, or they get lost."

"But you put me into a woman's body! I'm a man!" I protested. "You can do this to me!"

 

"Calm down" said a voice. "Everything is going to be all right. You're just not used to a brain that is wired to be more emotional."

I looked up and saw a gorgeous blonde standing there in front of me, dressed in a blue business suit with a tight skirt. Her breasts were big and full, way bigger than the ones on the body they had put *me* into. If this new body had a dick, it would have gotten hard right away just from the sight of her!

"My name is Ann" she said. "I am here to help you adjust, so you can leave and get on with your life."

"I'm Peter" I said, extending my hand.

"Not anymore" she said. "Your name is Carrie now."

Carrie? Me? That was a girl's name!

"Don't try to stand up yet" warned Ann. "You are a little weak after the transfer. We'll just talk for a while. Let me show you what you look like now."

She pulled over a full length mirror. In it I saw a young woman, perhaps in her early thirties, with brown hair that was done up. I saw that the woman in the mirror was wearing light makeup on her face which was pretty, but not gorgeous like Ann. I saw that she, well actually *me* now, had small to medium sized boobs, and a slight build. Overall she looked pleasant, but not what I'd call beautiful. Maybe average was the right word to describe her?

"Why did they do this to me!" I said, feeling like I was about try cry, which I hadn't done since I was a boy. "I don't want to be a woman!"

"I know" said Ann, putting her hand over mine. "But think of the advantage honey. You could walk right out the door, past Senator Stone, and he'd never blink. You are completely safe. When everything is taken care of, we can transfer you back to your real body, and you can get on with your life. This is just temporary, until we can assure your safety."

I nodded weakly. At least this was just for now. But that didn't make it any easier on me! All of my life I had enjoyed women. I had fucked at least thirty of them in my life, if not more. I loved how they looked, smelled, tasted and most of all I loved how it felt to put my hard dick up into their soft moist pussies. But to *have* a pussy myself? There was no way I wanted that! I felt a need to be alone, to go home and sulk. This really sucked, and I needed a drink! I started to stand up.

"Whoa there" said Ann. "We can't have you just walk out now."

"And why not?" I said.

"Because you can't, silly."

I would show her! I stood up all the way, but the damn heels on my feet made it almost impossible to keep my balance. I tried to take a step on the cold linoleum floor, and I had to hang on to the chair not to fall over.

"If you walked out like that, if you call that walking, don't you think that someone would see you, and wonder what is going on?"

I looked back at her, feeling completely helpless.

"This is a big change for you, so before you go out into the world, we're going to spend a little time together so you can adjust to living in a woman's body. There are some things you'll need to know in order to be ready out there. Once you can walk properly, put on your makeup and such, then we'll take you to your new apartment, and you can get on with your life until it is time to transfer you back."

"I'm beginning to understand" I said, as I clumsily sat back down.

"Don't look so upset" said Ann. "I know it is a shock to you suddenly being in a woman's body. But it isn't that bad! You'll get used to it."

"Why didn't they tell me?" I asked.

"You would have said 'no'. We have a policy against telling anyone who they are swapping with anyway. And as I said, I couldn't even put you back if I wanted to. Not for at least a week anyway. So for the time being, you are going to need to just deal with it. I am going to help you learn how to live in your new body. We have much work to do. Are you ready?"

"I guess" I said, still not quite believing that I was now in a chick's body. I had a pussy now! How could I even think like this? I was *afraid*.

"Lets get started" said Ann. "As you just saw, you can't just walk out of here as you are now. You are trying to walk like a man, but you're in a woman's body now. I am going to teach you how to walk as a woman. You don't know anything about how to dress, how to do your hair, your makeup, or how to care for your feminine hygiene."

I sighed. This was terrible! If I had known they were going to put me into this body, I would have said 'no'. I would rather take my chances with the hit man than to be trapped in a woman's body, even if it was just temporary.

"Until you can go out in public and look like you have always been a woman, we are going to have to keep you sequestered. We had one man who we body swapped with another man, but they caught him because he went back to living his original life, calling his friends..."

"I know" I said, cutting in. "They told me about that one before."

"Good. So you understand. Lets get started...."

* * *

Five days later, I was so frustrated! There was so much to learn, and I was not very good at being a woman. I was doing horrible with all of the stupid things I was being asked to do, like makeup for my new face, doing my long hair, let alone picking out an outfit or walking in heels. Progress was so slow, I was going to be trapped here for years before I could master being a woman! I was so fed up that I just screamed!

Ann had made me take birth control pills, because she said that my body tended to have very heavy periods, and that Carrie had always taken them to lessen the effects. Me, taking birth control? Ew! I had been trying again and again to learn all of these stupid feminine details on how to do things. Everything I did was wrong. I was a man! I wasn't cut out for all that crap! I *hated* trying to do anything like a woman. I just wanted to be myself again. I hated how it felt to have breasts, and to have a pussy down there between my legs.

"This isn't working" I sighed, after I calmed down. "I need a cigarette."

"No you don't" said Ann. "Carrie doesn't smoke, so you are not going to do that to her body."

"Then let me cut my hair short so I don't have to do all this stupid stuff to it!"

"No. You are not going to do anything to alter her body. Would you like it if she went about in your body, shaving your legs, getting manicures on your nails, or plucking your eyebrows?"

"No!" I said.

"Then you won't do anything to alter her."

"But this is too hard! What good is it being safe, if I can't ever go outside? I'm just as much a prisoner now as if you just stuck me in a safe house. I hate being a woman, and I can't do this!"

"Don't throw a hissy fit" she said. "I will admit that you are very slow at taking to your new body. Some men are strong enough to just deal with it, but you've been very resistant. So I am going to do something we're really not supposed to do. I'm going to offer you a shortcut. You could learn everything you need to, in just one day if you want."

"One day?" I said. "How can I do that?"

"It is called residual memory" said Ann. "Do you know how data can be recovered from a hard-drive, even if you try to erase it?"

"Yes" I said. "The magnetic imprint stays there faintly, even if you try to overwrite it with new data."

"Exactly" she said. "Your mind has been written into her brain, but if you dig deep enough, there is still an afterimage of her mind down in there. If you can learn to read the faint imprint that is still there, you can actual access her memories. You can know all that she knows about makeup for example, in just moments."

"I'll do it" I said immediately. "It would take me years to learn it this way."

"Very well" said Ann. "But don't tell anyone that we did this. Our subjects aren't supposed to learn how to do this, in case the person they swapped with knows classified information."

"I promise!" I said.

"Very well. I also want to mention that you're going to find it easier to access things that were deep rooted within her mind, like how to walk or how to do your makeup. Things she could do almost without thinking. Her recent memories are almost impossible to recover, since they didn't get a chance to imprint strongly enough yet. But everything you're going for has been there for quite some time. Are you ready to start?"

"Lets do it" I said.

Ann proceeded to teach me how I could access my residual memories. The first thing I needed to do was to sit back and close my eyes. She showed me how to relax my mind and quiet my thoughts, so that the hidden thoughts underneath could show through. At first it was like trying to find a needle in a haystack. I had such a hard time getting my own thoughts to quiet down.

But then as I tried to concentrate on what it *felt* like as I applied mascara to my eyes, I suddenly stumbled on a memory. I could remember sitting there in my prom dress. My mother was making a big fuss over me, as I did my mascara. My eyelashes never looked so long and dark before, because mom never let me go to school in makeup, although the other girls did all the time. Of course, I had some hidden in my school bag, and as soon as I got on the bus, I'd start applying it.

I learned how to put it on quickly, even on a noisy bumpy school bus, while talking to the other girls. And I could remember when I went away to college, how excited I was that I could wear makeup every day. But after a semester, I got a little bored with it, so I scaled back from full out makeup to something I could live with day to day. Just a little bit of color around my eyes, some mascara, and of course lipstick. I'd feel so naked without it!

But that day when I was getting ready for the prom, I felt so pretty as I looked at myself in the mirror, in full makeup. I remembered as a little girl playing with mom's makeup, and getting in trouble for it once because I ruined some of her things. But I wanted to feel like a big girl, and putting it on made me feel all grown on. Mom didn't like it though.

Well, not my mom.... Carrie's mom. Those weren't my memories, they were hers. I had just tapped into a well of her memories, and they had all come flooding into my mind. I opened my eyes, and told Ann what had just happened.

"Try it now" she said. "See if you can do your makeup."

I looked at my unadorned face, and it looked so plain. With an expert hand I applied foundation, and began to make my face look pretty, using all of the skills that Carrie's mind had accumulated in thirty two years of life. It came so easily to me, and in minutes I was done.

"Very good!" gushed Ann. "Now wasn't that easy?"

"Yes" I said.

"Very good. Now lets see what's next. How about your hair? I know you hate trying to style it."

"You've got that right!" I said.

"Then lets tap into your residual memories again, and see if you can find anything about doing your hair. Just close your eyes, relax again, and think of how it feels running a brush through your hair. Think of how it feels as you pin it up, and try to recall the smell of the hairspray. Relax, and tap into your thoughts...."

It took a little time to calm down my mind again, so that I could reach a state where I could listen for residual memories. I did as Ann said, thinking of how it felt as I brushed my hair, or put in a bobby pin. And once again, after trying for a while, I suddenly stumbled upon a memory, and I let it come into my mind.

I could vaguely remember having long hair as a little girl. I wore a headband at school, or sometimes a ponytail. When I got older I tried out for the cheer leading squad, and we would do each other's hair French braided or in pigtails, both with ribbons tied in. I remember when I cut it short for a while, but I liked how pretty my older sister looked with her long hair, and I so much wanted to be just like her, so I let it grow back out long.

I remember how good it felt as a little girl, when mommy would brush my long hair for me, telling me I needed to do it every day so it would stay nice and pretty. I remember the smell of her perfume as I sat there in my little white dress, as she prepared me to go out to some relative's wedding, and I was going to be a flower girl. I felt so pretty that day, in my new shoes that pinched my feet and my new dress.

When my friend Carol go married, all of us in the wedding party got blonde highlights, so we'd match. I remembered the smell of the chemicals as we sat there at the salon, giggling because we were tipsy from the margaritas we had all just drank! With my hair done up with all the curls, I looked so pretty standing there with the other girls at the altar. I loved that look, but it was way too much work, so I returned to my regular hairdo.

I sometimes thought it would be fun to go blonde, or to dye my hair jet black. But my eyebrows would present a problem if I made my hair too light in color, and I was afraid of how I'd look with lighter roots if I went black, so I chickened out and kept my normal hair color. I was always jealous of my sister Karen, because of her perfect blonde hair. She used to tease me, and said I must have been adopted, because I didn't have hair like hers. Mommy used to make her stop. She could be mean to me when she was younger! But now that we're grown up, we were best of friends, not that we didn't have little tiffs now and then!

I suddenly snapped back to. Whoa. That had been a huge flood of memories, all around my hair! As a man, I didn't have that many memories! And each memory seemed to trigger another one, and then another, and then yet another! And it seemed strange to me. Most of my memories centered around things I accomplished. But hers seemed to be more focused on people and relationships. From this short journey through her mind, I felt like I already knew her sister Karen, her mother, and her friend Carol.

But I didn't dwell on that knowledge; I dwelt on the fact that I now knew how to do my hair! Ann let it out and I brushed it. Then I went to work, doing my hair up the way it was when I first saw my reflection in the mirror. Knowing how to do my hair might seem like a little thing, but it meant I was one step closer to being able to leave my prison, and get on with some semblance of having a life.

"Very good" said Ann.

"This is *so* much better than trying to learn things on my own" I said. "What's next?"

"Are you sure you want to keep doing this?" asked Ann. "We could just resume our lessons...."

"...And I'd be here for a month."

"Very well. I guess a good next step might be your fashion sense."

As a man, you put on a suit and a tie. And you own one pair of shoes for work, one for running, and one for casual. But this dressing up as a woman was driving me crazy! No matter what I picked out, Ann would tell me I was dressing like a hooker, or that something didn't match. I could never get it right! She had me trying to read through fashion magazines, but it was a waste of time! I'd never learn all that. But the knowledge was in Carrie's mind, in the form of her residual memories. Now I would tap into them.

"Relax" said Ann. "Think of how it felt to pull on your skirt today, or the feel of buttoning up your blouse. Concentrate on the feeling of staring at a closet full of clothes, and deciding what to wear...."

As before, it took a little while, but soon enough I found an entrance into the memories that were left behind in the mind I now occupied. The first one I found was of me as a teenager, getting ready to go out with a bunch of girlfriends to a dance. I had on a black skirt and a black tank top, but Karen was teasing me that I looked too somber, and I would scare off all the boys.

I wanted to wear the tank top to show off my boobs which were really starting to fill in, and I just loved my skirt, but she was right, it was too much. So I put on a nice tight pair of blue jeans, along with boots, and everything came together. Karen might have teased me, but she really did have my best interests in heart. She had a natural sense of what worked when putting together an outfit, so I could remember studying her, and what she chose to wear each day, so I could get better ideas.

When I went to school, for a couple of years we had to wear a uniform, before they reformed the school. I couldn't understand why, but the guys seemed to love seeing us all wearing those plaid skirts and white tops, white socks up to our knees. When I wore my old uniform to a Halloween party once, the guys were all over me. Of course, I had grown taller, so that made my skirt look very short, but it sure seemed to drive them wild!

I also discovered how boys liked looking at me when I wore tight sweaters. I loved my red turtleneck, but my black one made me look slender, even when I put on a few pounds when I was in college. That was another thing that didn't seem fair: Karen could eat all she wanted to, but if I overdid it just a bit, I put on the pounds, right away. I had to learn what things in my wardrobe made me look fat, and which ones I could get away with.

With my skin tone, certain colors just never worked for me. I just look atrocious in green! I could remember back when mom bought me this green top with embroidered flowers. It was really cute, but I just looked ghastly in it. After that, I would never touch green again, although when Carol got married, the color she chose for our bridesmaid's gowns was this deep forest green. Not only did I hate the color, but it was so useless, because I could never reuse the gown for anything else. If she had at least picked something cute in a color like peach that did compliment my skin tone, I could have worn it again. But Carol was a dear friend, and I was willing to look less then my best for her. I wanted her wedding to be prefect, and so I suffered in silence, wearing green.

Brown was another color that worked well with me, but you can't just go out in all brown, so I had to learn through the years which colors I could pair with it. I looked too dark if I wore my black skirt with a brown top for example, but if I wore my yellow one, it just didn't' go well! Karen used to tease me about how often I'd have to try on different combinations until I found something that worked. She said I should just give up on brown, and that it was too inflexible, but I wasn't like her. I just didn't feel right in pink.

I remembered back when mommy made me wear a pink outfit to my birthday party, and Karen said I looked like I should be a ballerina if I was going to dress like that. She threatened me that she was going to hold me down and put a tutu on me, and I cried, but she of course never did anything like that to me. The part was fun, but I remember spilling chocolate icing on the pink, so I'd never have to wear it again.

I remember when I thought that I looked too fat, and I started wearing more shapeless skirts to hide under, so my hips didn't seem so huge when I did that. But Karen of course looked good in tight skirts, and I had to diet hard so I could once again wear something formfitting and get away with it. I loved wearing a short skirt and a tank top when I went out to meet men. Or a cami and jeans, perhaps with a tight sweater that had a deep v neck. Not that I had boobs like Karen's to show off. But at least what I did have interested the guys. I hoped that Mike would notice me when I came in one day with my new sweater on, and....

I forced myself to break out of that memory. I didn't want to know and feel what it was like for her to lust after a guy! I looked at the clock. I had been out of it for a full ten minutes. What a flood of memories I had encountered! Again, so many of them seemed to be related to different people, and one thing bled into the next one. But now when I stood in front of several sets of pants, skirts and tops, I confidently picked out a nice outfit, since I could tap all of the knowledge and experience that Carrie had accumulated over her lifetime.

Over the next few hours, I tapped into Carrie's memories again and again. When Ann left for a few hours to do some paperwork, I went into Carrie's mind to learn about how to do my nails, how to walk in heels, how to sit and cross my legs properly, and even how to carry my purse so that I wouldn't give my identity as a man away.

I thought about how I had trouble getting into my bra that morning, so I also tapped into my latent memories to see what I could remember about that. I was able to recall everything from when I first wore a training bra, then as my boobs developed how I moved to an A-cup, and then up to a B-cup, but I was disappointed at how I never quite caught up to Karen, who was somewhere between a C and a D, depending on when she went for a fitting.

When Ann returned, I was sitting there like a proper lady, as mother had taught me, with my legs crossed at the knees.

"Do you know how to cook?" she asked me.

"Not really" I said. "I usually order out."

"You know you can't eat like that anymore" she said.

"I know. I just put on weight right away. Its too bad I didn't get Karen's genes. She can eat anything."

"I have a sister like that too" said Ann. "But back to cooking. You need to learn how to cook healthy foods for yourself. You don't want to put any weight on your body, do you?"

"No" I said. "I already have several things I look too fat in."

"Lets see if we can find some memories on cooking then."

"Sounds good" I said, as I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate on memories of cooking. I quickly recalled one time as a young girl that mommy had bought an EZ Bake Oven for Karen and me, and we made sugar cookies, then decorated them with sprinkles. I left them in too long through, and they burned.

When mommy cooked, Karen and I would often help her. Sometimes I just washed the veggies, or got things from the pantry. But as I grew older, I started peeling things, chopping, mixing, or helping her read the recipes from her cookbook. Karen and I spent rainy days making copies of all the family recipes for ourselves, so we could pass them down to our own daughters one day.

When I was on my own in college, I overate at first, and really put on the weight. I had to go out and buy some cookbooks on healthy options for eating. No more brownies. No more cookies. I made boneless skinless chicken breast, sautéed in light canola oil, along with veggies. Or grilled fish with lots of spices, but no butter. I learned to steam my veggies, instead of cooking *them* in butter. And salad dressing has so many calories! I learned to make my own, and to keep it healthy.

Doing all of that let me maintain my figure, although every now and then I would love to splurge on something like a cheese pizza or an ice cream sundae for dessert! Mmmmm.

"When is dinner?" I asked Ann.

"Soon" she said. "We're going out, as soon as we work on one more thing for you."

"Sure" I said. "What is it?"

"Do you remember back when you had your first period?"

Of course I did. I remembered how I was jealous of Karen, because she had hers first of course, being older. Mommy had taught us all about them, and we had learned in school too. I knew that she was older, but I cried when she got hers, and I didn't. She teased me that she was a woman now, and I was still just a girl. I used to lay in bed at night, wishing that I would start.

So when the day came that I had my first period, I was so proud! "I'm a woman now too" I told her, and she hugged me. That was one of the best moments of my life, when my sister who I admired so much showed me that she loved me as I loved her. We were much closer after that day. I think about how I felt all the time, whenever I'm starting my period.

But as I got older, I had some really rough ones, with huge cramps and mega-PMS. My ob/gyn told me to go on birth control, because that would lessen the effects. So I've been on it ever sense. As an added bonus, when I'm dating a man now, I don't have to worry that I might get pregnant if he doesn't use a condom. Of course, until I really trust him, I insist he uses one, so I don't get anything from him. But alas, I tend to go a long time between boyfriends.

"Carrie" said Ann, breaking my concentration.

"Yes?" I said.

"Are you ready for dinner?"

"Sure" I replied.

"What's your favorite restaurant?"

"Antonio's" I said.

"And why is that?"

"That's where I met Sam" I replied.

Sam. My current boyfriend. It has been what, a week since I had last seen him? He must be lonely for me by now. I missed feeling him in my arms, and sharing my bed with him. I loved having such a powerful man make love to me! I couldn't wait to see him soon. The last few days seemed like a blur, as if I had been asleep or something.

I followed Ann outside, my heels clicking on the stone steps as we made our way out to the street. It felt good to feel the wind under my skirt as we headed down the busy street. We walked three blocks to Antonio's, and immediately we got a table. There was normally a long wait, but since Sam was such a big-shot in town, he always got a table right away. Since I was his girl now, I got the same treatment.

"Carrie, before we order our food, I have a few questions for you."

"Sure" I said.

"What is your sister's name?"

"Karen" I said.

"And your mom?"

"Kelly" I replied. "I was named for her mom."

"What is your best friend's name?"

"Carol" I said.

Why was she asking me these simple questions?

"Who was the first boy you kissed?"

"Tommy Flanagan" I said. It had seemed magical back then, but I quickly learned he wasn't interested in a relationship! He wanted the same thing that all the boys did, back then. I wasn't ready for sex, so when I turned him down, he dumped me.

She asked me more of these mundane questions, before finally the waiter came and took our orders. We ate our dinner together and chatted. She asked me what I thought of several of the men sitting at their tables, and which ones I thought were hot. I liked this one younger man, who looked like a real stud. She told me I should go meet him, but I replied that I was dating Sam now, and I didn't need another man!

"Do you ever use a dildo on yourself, or a vibrator?" she asked, her voice a low whisper.

"Sometimes" I said, giggling. "If Sam is away on business for a week, I might use mine. What kind do you like?"

"The realistic ones. Or the ones with all the bumps, like a string of beads."

"I prefer the realistic ones too" I said, thinking of how wonderful it felt to put a nice big dildo into my pussy. Mmm. I would make myself come again and again like that, as I dreamed of Sam or whoever I was dating at the time. I remembered back when I first masturbated myself with my finger, and how I was so afraid that I'd get caught! Karen would have teased me forever if she knew!

When I got my own place, I experimented a lot. Just a finger wasn't enough anymore. Soon I was into vibrators and dildos, and I would use them almost every day. Sometimes I'd go a long time in between boyfriends, and my dildo was all I had for company. But it least *it* never went limp on me, like some guys did after a few drinks!

Ann and I got into her car, and rode to a house that I didn't recognize. We got out, and Ann opened up.

"Welcome to my humble abode" she said.

"I like how you've decorated the place" I said, as I admired her taste in artwork, along with the modern furniture. We chatted for a while, as we shared a drink. There was a knock on the door, and Ann left me alone for a few moments. What I saw when she returned shocked me. Standing there with her were three people I recognized. One was agent Frederick Smith from protective services. One was Senator Samuel Stone. And one was a man who looked familiar.... until I realized that it was me!

Or at least the man I used to be. I could remember being him, but only a little. I was Carrie. Hadn't I always been Carrie? I tried to think as hard as I could, but to the best of my memory, I had always been a woman. Why did I have this strange feeling that I used to be that man? It was really freaking me out! How could I have been a guy?

 

"I just got back from testifying" said the man. I was having a hard time recalling his name. Wasn't it Phil or something?

"At my hearing" said Sam.

"I just recanted to everything you told them about the Senator. His name is clear now."

"Oh Sam, I'm glad you've cleared your name!" I said.

"So you remember being my girlfriend, don't you?" he asked.

"Oh yes" I said.

"But you don't remember being a man?" said the guy. I was sure his name was Phil. Or Philip?

"You're so silly!" I said. "Me? A man?"

"Listen to me" said Ann. "You *used* to be that man. Don't you remember that we transferred your mind into her body, just a week ago?"

I tried to recall... it seemed vague, as if it had happened to someone else. Like when you wake up, and you can't quite remember a dream you just had. I looked at the man. I was sure he was Philip. His face seemed so familiar...

Suddenly I felt a chill all over as a flood of my *real* memories suddenly broke through. That face was the one I had stared at in the mirror for all my life. I hadn't been born into a female body! I was really a man! I was Philip. They had just moved me into Carrie's body for my safety. How could all of the agents who were supposed to be protecting me be here, with the Senator too? And why was my male body here? I thought they said they were going to send 'him' overseas. I was startled, angry and confused all at once.

"What is going on!" I demanded.

"Let me explain" said Carrie, the woman who was in my true body. "Over the past week, you've been living as *me*. You opened up the floodgates, and let *my* memories and thoughts fill your head, until you lost yourself in me."

"But how come you didn't lose yourself in *my* thoughts?" I asked.

"I never accessed your memories. I kept that door shut."

"You did this to me!" I said, turning to Ann. "You knew what would happen if I accessed her memories, and you encouraged me to do it!"

Ann just shrugged and smiled, as Carrie continued to talk from my male body.

"I've been busy this week" she said (in my voice!). "Everyone of course thinks I'm you. The first thing I did was to go out to a singles bar, and find a nice man. We started dating in public, letting everyone know that you are gay."

"But I'm not!" I protested.

"I took my new boyfriend all around town with me. Everyone has seen us kissing in public, holding hands, and more. At night I take him back to what used to be your apartment, and we make love all night long."

"Oh no!" I said, as I reeled. Everyone would think that *I* was gay! She was ruining my life!

"Once I came out of the closet" she said, "I went to the press. With my boyfriend at my side, I told them that I had found my true love, and that now I could explain why I had testified against the Senator. I told them all that I, meaning *you*, had worked for the Senator for all those years, because you were deeply in love with him. And that you finally had the courage to make a move on him, to try and seduce him."

I stood there, stunned into silence. She had told this to the press?

"And that was why you testified against him. It was a jealous lover's spat. He turned you down after you devoted your life to him, so you struck back at him. And just to be sure they bought the story, I've made a few changes to you."

I was looking at my true self, my male self, with Carrie inside. She turned around, and I noticed that she had pierced my ears. She walked, and I was disgusted to see how she was using her feminine mannerisms, even though she was in my body! She had painted my nails pink! She opened up my suit jacket, and I could see the outline of a bra underneath the shirt!

"I'm taking female hormones" she said. "I've even gone out in public wearing women's clothes. Everyone now knows that you really *want* to be a woman."

As I tried to wrap my mind around these terrible new facts, the Senator now spoke.

"As soon as my informant told me that you were going to testify, I pulled some strings with my political influence. I got myself appointed to the oversight committee for Protective Services. You see, *I* arranged all of this. I seduced Carrie, and made her my lover. I got some of my trusted friends jobs in Protective Services, like Ann and Frederick. I set you up for all of this. You thought you were going to bring me down and ruin my life. Instead, I am ruining *yours*."

He had been in control this whole time! Without knowing it, I had walked right into his trap!

 

"And now for the best part" said the Senator. "You are slowly losing yourself into Carrie's mind. Only the shock of seeing yourself was able to pull you back out. The next time her thoughts start to surround you, you will not be able to escape. The next time you lose yourself into her, you will completely become her on the inside."

"No...." I said, my voice a hoarse whisper. I could not let that happen! I didn't want to lose myself forever, and become Carrie inside my own mind! Then I would be lost forever, and I would *be* her. I didn't want to lose my mind! I couldn't let her thoughts swallow me up and drown me out! I needed to find a way out of this whole thing. I felt a sense of panic spread through me, and I was paralyzed.

As I looked helplessly at Ann, she held up a picture.

"Who is this?" she asked.

"That's my sister Karen" I said automatically. Wait, no it wasn't! That was Carrie's sister, not mine! I was an only child. I didn't have a sister! I realized that Ann was trying to make me think Carrie's thoughts, so that Carrie's mind would take over mine. No!

"I don't have a sister!" I blurted out.

The woman inside of *my* body spoke now. The true Carrie.

"Yes you do, Carrie" she said calmly. "Don't you remember the time when you were ten years old that you two snuck into your mother's room, put on bras, then got into her makeup?"

I could see the image of that day so clearly in my mind, even as I tried my best not to think about it.

"Remember how it felt to stuff your bra full for the first time? Don't you remember how you felt like a *lady* that day?"

 

The feelings and images were so sharp, I couldn't ignore them. I had thought that Karen looked so mature in her makeup. And I loved how it felt to have a bra on, like I was a big girl. When Karen stuffed hers full, I felt kind of intimidated looking at her, like she was a woman, and I was just a girl. But when I stuffed mine full too, I felt so proud as I stuck my chest out, as if they were real boobs. I....

No! I was never a girl! Those were Carrie's memories! I had to stop thinking them!

"You felt so pretty" she said, in my voice from my male body. "Do you remember when your mother returned and found you like that?"

"She was mad at first" I said, "but then she laughed, and we all had a tea party together!"

Mommy had been upset that we had been in her things, but she told us we both were becoming young ladies now, and that soon enough we'd be wearing bras every day. And when we were older, we could wear makeup! She had told us that since we were both becoming so grown up, it was time that we started doing some of the chores around the house. I remember how proud I felt to do the dishes for the first time. It meant that I was becoming mature, and that I wasn't just a kid anymore. I felt so proud of myself. I couldn't wait until I became a woman like mommy....

"NO!!!!!" I screamed out loud, coming back to my senses. I was losing myself into Carrie's thoughts again. I had to stop this!

"Please, no more, I beg you!" I said. "I'll do anything! Don't do this to me!"

"Carrie" said Philip, my former self. "Don't forget that next week is Aunt Jane's birthday."

"I've been so busy, I haven't even bought a card yet" I said.

"She'd be disappointed if you forget" said Philip.

She certainly would. When Karen and I were young, we'd go to her farm in the country. She and Uncle Todd kept horses on their farm. Karen and I learned how to feed them, brush them, and then we learned how to ride. We'd go for long rides down the trails, and once we even rode on the beach at the lake! Those were some of the best times of my life, when Karen and I were completely carefree, laughing as we rode the horses until we were exhausted.

Then Aunt Jane would cook us the most wonderful dinners and desserts, especially her apple pies. She taught Karen and I how to make the crust, how to use the rolling pin to flatten it. I always seemed to use too little flour, and it would stick. Karen would use way too much, and Aunt Jane said that between the two of us, we would get it right if we averaged out. I loved how...

No! No I didn't! That wasn't me! That was Carrie! I was drowning in her memories, and it took all of my strength to break through. It was like being held underwater: sooner or later you run out of air. I was running out of air, as her mind was washing over me. No!!!!!! I had to keep myself!

"Think of your mom's face" said Philip.

I did. *My* mom. I remembered how she used to let me sit on her lap, as she brushed my long hair. I felt so pretty after she brushed my hair. I wanted to grow up to be a beautiful woman like her. No! That was Carrie! What about my mother? I tried with all my might, but no matter what I did, I could only think of *her* mom.

I tried to think of something else, but no matter where I turned, I couldn't tell where I felt off, and where she began! It was like being in a room with one thousand doors. Behind each door was one of Carrie's memories. Or mine. I couldn't tell anymore. I was *so* frightened. Imagine that you can't even tell which thoughts in your mind are yours! I was already losing myself into her, and there was nothing I could do about it.

"Wasn't it fun that time that you and Karen were bridesmaids for your cousin Stephanie's wedding?" said Philip.

I remembered how it felt standing there in my pink gown, my blossoming breasts exposed on the top (with a little help from a push-up bra to make my cleavage look bigger!). My hair was all done up, we had all gone to get our nails done to match. I was wearing heels under my beautiful gown with the full skirt. I felt radiant that day. As Karen and I were putting on our makeup, we laughed about the day that we had dressed up in mommy's things, and done our makeup together for the first time. Mommy was so proud of us that day, as we stood there looking so pretty, as we waited for Stephanie to march up the aisle.

When I saw her in her white gown, her face behind the white veil, I gasped. She was so beautiful! I hoped that when I was a bride, that *I* would look that good in my wedding dress. I imagined what it felt like for her to be standing there, holding her fiancee's hand, as they exchanged their vows. I felt the warm glow of love, with so many family and friends there to support her on her big day. I was so happy that I could be there for her, because when we were younger, she used to come visit, and we'd play together. Now we were all grown up, and she was getting married.

I had never found the right man for myself though, until now. Sammy was so wonderful to me. He was smart, strong, and he had a very important position from what I understood. He had promised me that his wife was leaving him, and as soon as the divorce was final, he would propose to me, and that we'd be together forever.

I saw him standing there by the man who's face I hardly recognized. I walked over to Sammy, and gave him a kiss. He pinched me on the butt, and I let out a squeal of delight as I laughed.

"Philip?" said the woman. I remembered her name: Ann. Why was she facing me and asking for Philip. The name had a familiar ring to it, but I couldn't remember anyone named Philip.

"That's me" said the man standing on Sammy's left.

"We never got introduced" I said. "I'm Carrie."

"Philip. Nice to meet you" he said, extending his hand. He gave me a very limp handshake. I smiled as I realized that the suit he had one was actually a woman's suit. Jones New York, if I wasn't mistaken. He looked like a man, but he had on women's clothes. I noticed that his nails had been manicured. There was only one possible conclusion: he was gay. I smiled. Gay guys made great friends. They were always up on fashion, and you never had to worry about them wanting to steal your boyfriends. Unlike certain female friends I've known over the years. But that was another story!

"Philip works for me, on my staff" said Sammy.

"Then perhaps he can help you dress better, since you won't listen to me" I said, kidding around. We all laughed.

"Carrie, do you remember a Friday a few weeks back? When we were going out to dinner, but I told you to meet me at a friend's apartment instead?"

I thought for a moment. Oh yes. He had said we were going to eat in. I arrived, and he was there, but no dinner. I remember being a little bit annoyed.

"The newest memories are the hardest ones to recover" said Ann. I didn't understand what she meant by that.

"Do you remember sitting in the chair?" asked Sammy.

"Yes" I said. "I sat down, and we had a drink. I remember feeling dizzy...."

I had been dizzy. Then a fog had come over me. Now I could remember! There were other people there in the room with us.... someone had injected something into my arm. I remember a moment of pain, and then there was some sort of.... oh no! Make it stop! They had done something to me! Something terrible. I looked up at Sammy, helpless.

"On your knees, bitch!" he said sternly.

I collapsed to my knees. I must obey my master in all things. If I don't do exactly as he said, the pain would return. I remembered now. I was all his. I lived to serve him.

"What may I do to please you, my Master?" I asked.

 

Sammy turned to the others.

"You may leave us now" he said. They all left. Everyone always obeyed him. Especially me. Only by serving him could I feel pleasure. I waited until he locked the door, and returned to me. He undid his fly, and I started to drool right away. Soon, he pulled his penis out of his fly, and pointed to it.

"Suck me" he said. "Get me good and hard so I can fuck you."

"Mmmmm" I said, just as he liked. I opened my mouth, and let him inside. I started to suck, and to use my tongue. I could feel him getting bigger and bigger inside me. I looked up at him. He was so powerful, and I was so weak. Just as he wanted it. I liked that I could please him like this.

"Get on the bed, and spread your legs open for me" he demanded.

Almost before the words were out of his mouth, I was there, ready for him. I let out a moan as he lowered himself onto me, and let his hard dick plunge deep into my wet pussy. Oooooh.

"You tried to fuck me over" he said. "Now I'm going to *really* fuck you. You are my slave now, and you will live the rest of our life out serving me."

"I'm all yours baby" I said. "You're so big! I want you baby! I want you so much!"

He started going harder and harder, and I was overcome with pleasure as the first of several orgosms hit me. He kept going, and he really seemed to be enjoying it. I was so glad. I lived only to please him.

When he was done, he ordered me to suck him clean, which I gladly did. As I knelt down, with his dick in my mouth, he talked to me.

"I'm going to fuck you every day" he said, "until I get tired of you. Then I'm going to sell you to a local madam, who runs an operation with high class hookers. You're going to spend the rest of your days on your back, spreading your legs wide open for all sorts of man. You were a real wh*re, going against me. Now you'll live out the rest of your life as one. That's right. You're going to be a prostitute for the rest of your life, until you're an old, dried up woman."

I continued to suck. I must obey my Master. I must do as he says.

"Tell me you're a wh*re" he said.

"I am a wh*re" I repeated.

"Tell me that you want me to fuck you hard."

"I want you to fuck me hard" I said. "All the time."

"As part of your training, you will find that your sex drive is way over the top. All you can think about is having sex with me. Even when it is another man, in your mind, it will be me fucking you."

"Please baby, fuck me now" I said. "I need you."

"Give me a few minutes to recover baby. I'll fuck you again and again."

I clapped my hands with joy. I loved Sammy so much!

 

"This apartment is for you now" he said. "I'll be by several times a week to fuck you. In the mean time, there is a collection of realistic dildo's which you can use on yourself, so you can imagine that I'm on top of you, even when you're alone. If any man comes to the door, it is someone that I want you to screw. You *will* be compliant, and let the men have their way with you. You will collect the money, and put it in the safe. I'll come by to collect it every week. You own nothing. I *own* you. Do you understand?"

"I'm all yours, baby" I said.

"Good. Now go get a dildo from the drawer, and do yourself. I want to see you sicking on it, and sticking it into your pussy. Imagine it is *me*. Now go and fuck yourself."

"As you wish, my Master" I said, as I eagerly headed towards the drawer with the dildo's.

 

As I lay there on my back, imagining that it was Sammy inside my pussy, instead of the huge realistic dildo in my hand, I felt so happy. I came again and again, and by doing so, it seemed to please him. He was laughing as he put his clothes on.

 

"This is so great" he said. "I'll send all of my friends over to see you, starting tomorrow. Get ready baby, that pussy of yours is going to get banged so hard, again and again. I hope you learned never to try and fuck with me."

"I'd fuck with you any time" I said.

He laughed out loud, as if I had said something funny. He turned to leave, and I turned back to my dildo. Mmmmm. It was just like having Sammy's dick up inside me. I couldn't wait for him to return tomorrow, so he could fuck me again, and again.

  

  

  

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