Being Passable

by Zoe Carlyle

  

"Now you're going to have to hold still a lot here," Chloe said as she opened the bottle of foundation. I said OK and she started to smear the flesh colored gunk onto my skin. It was a weird feeling, I'd never really experienced anything like it before, so it's hard for me to compare it to anything else, except maybe it was like really thick sun block. Slowly and carefully, she smeared it all over my face, covering up minor imperfections and softening the rather masculine sharpness around my chin and such. I was impressed by my quick glances into the mirror how much of a change this single product was able to create.

"That's just the foundation," Chloe said. "It helps to have someone who knows what they're doing of course. Before I worked at Vickie's I used to do facials at the Sears in the mall. Now close your eyes."

I felt a brush or pad or something press against my eyelids as she applied what I figured was eye shadow, and after a second or so, she was rubbing something else along the contours of my eyes.

"This gives you various levels of shading so the shadow flows in and out rather than just having a line of color," she explained to me. Then she opened a compact of blush and, using another little brush, she spread it on my cheeks, oh so delicately, so there was just a hint of pink to them. She told me about winter and summer skins and said I was more of a winter so she didn't want to make the pink too bright. For the foundation, blush, and eye shadow, it took about twenty minutes, she touched it all up several times and then slowly traced my lips with liner after adding some lipstick and gloss. Finally, she was ready for what she told me would be the hardest part.

"Ok, try as best as you can not to blink," she said, as she grabbed a small pencil of eyeliner and headed towards my eye with it. This immediately caused me to shoot my head backwards and away from her.

"The hell is that?" I asked.

"This is eyeliner," she explained. "Trust me, it makes a world of difference."

It took her about 4 tries but finally she managed to get close to my eyes without my reflexes moving me back as soon as she got near. I hated this part, the whole time she ran that stick across the inner lids of my eyes, I imagined that scene in the odyssey where the Cyclops gets his eye poked out. I could just picture the paramedics coming to get me with my face all made up and an eyeliner pencil shoved right into my pupil.

But of course, Chloe knew what she was doing and she didn't poke me in the eye once. And the end result did indeed make a world of difference, for the eyes I saw in the mirror she held up were extremely feminine. In fact my entire face was. I was shocked. I couldn't believe how much an effect a half hour of touching up could have on me.

I'm not saying I was a knockout or anything, but I definitely looked more like a girl than I had ever dreamed possible. Then, she spent another twenty minutes slowly applying polish to my fingernails. Nothing too fancy, just a light hue to make them look more girly. When they had dried, I hugged her and then kissed her cheek, which left a small lipstick smear… a lipstick smear, from me!!

"Chloe, that's amazing!" I said as I stared into the mirror.

"I know, I do great work," she said. Then, she headed over to her dresser and started removing some stuff. "Now lets get you dressed."

First, she handed me a bra that somewhat matched my panties. Again she pointed out how she'd suggested I buy a bra to go with them when I bought them. She handed me a couple of push-up water pads, and showed me how to combine them with tissues to create pretty realistic looking tits. Not huge, again I'm not saying she made me look like a total babe, but I had a handful at least. She lent me a button-up blouse and a denim skirt to wear, since I had come in baggy jeans and a sweatshirt, but my feet were too big for her shoes, so I just put back on my converse all-stars.

"If your hair was just a bit longer, I'd have been able to style it to look girly, but it's just short enough right now that all I could do would be to make you look kind of dykey," she said. "But luckily, I have a wig."

"A wig?" I asked.

"Yeah, well, it's really more of a hair extension…." She said, pulling out what looked like long hair attached to a comb. She showed me that what you did was comb back the front of your hair and then the extension made it look longer, but since the front was your natural hair, it wasn't obviously a wig. "I sort of cut my hair too short about a year ago and hated it, so I wore this till it grew back out more."

She stood me in front of the mirror and I was just awestruck at how easily passable I was after Chloe took the time to make it happen. I wished I'd met a girl like her years ago, I could have saved myself tons of anxiety.

"Now, are you just gonna stand here or are you going to go knock that boyfriend of yours' socks off?" She said smirking and putting her hands around my waist.

"I guess I should get going, huh?" I asked.

"Yeah, go girl, go," she said.

"Thanks," I said as I loaded my keys and wallet into a purse she'd lent me since this skirt didn't have enough pocket space. She'd also lent me some of her makeup, in case I needed minor touching up, and to practice on myself later, as well as a jar of nail polish remover, and makeup remover. "Thanks for everything."

"Hey Steve, I made you look like a girl tonight, but when you're ready to feel like a woman, I'll be waiting," She said as I walked out the door. I turned to say something back, but couldn't think of anything. I decided to just go find Brent.

##

The walk back across campus was scary and fun at the same time. I was glad I was wearing tennis shoes, because I don't know if I could have made this walk very gracefully if my shoes had any sort of heel on them. I wasn't a total fox or anything, but I did occasionally sense a head turning to check out my ass after I had passed. I realized how unsubtle we guys really are when it comes to that, many times I could see the reflection of the guy in the windows of buildings I passed. I didn't get too hung up on it though, because whenever I looked in said reflection, I'd see the girl he was checking out and think to myself 'is that really me?'

It took a little digging in my purse to find the keys to our dorm, I wasn't really used to just having everything stuffed into a bag, instead of in an assortment of pockets. I'm sure that with a lot of practice, I'd be able to just reach in and grab what I needed, but for now it took a few moments. When I finally got into the dorm, Brent was sitting on the couch playing video games.

"Hey man, where you been, I've been…." He cut himself off when he turned his head and got a look at me, his eyes popped open and his jaw dropped, and from the sound of it, he'd just let the opposing team score a touchdown in his video game. "STEVE? Is that really you?"

"It's really me," I said. "A girl friend made me over."

"That she did!" He said, getting up from the couch. "You look amazing… I mean you really look like a girl!"

"I know," I said, smiling at his praise. "I can't believe how much just a little makeup was able to do. If I had known, I'd have been wearing it years ago!"

"God, it's really awesome… I wish I wasn't meeting up with the guys, you're really making me hot…." He said. "I at least gotta kiss you." He wrapped his arms around my waist and we leaned in for a soft, delicate kiss, I opened my lips slightly to let in his tongue and after a second, he pulled away and I giggled when I saw my lipstick on his lips. I wiped it off for him with my finger and then opened my purse to check out my reflection in the compact to see if I needed touching up. I was a little paranoid about it, I think I was worried one little dab missing would destroy the entire illusion.

"Hey… Do you want to come out with us?" Brent asked. "We're just going to go see a movie. They won't recognize you, I'll tell them you're an old friend from high school or something who is visiting."

"Why don't you just tell them I'm your girlfriend?" I asked.

"Nah, they'd wonder why I hadn't mentioned you," he said. "besides, that's a pretty formal title isn't it?"

"Well I just thought since we've been fucking for the better part of a year…"

"Steve, let's not get into that now. Oooh, Steve, that name won't work. Ha ha, do you realize you've been a girl for me now for all that time and we've never thought of a proper name for you?"

"I never thought we needed one.. you never seemed to mind yelling out Steve. I mean, that's my name…"

"Well I can't just call you Steve in front of my boys, I don't want them to think I've gone all fag on them, and the way you look there's no way I can get through a whole movie without kissing those lips," he said.

"How about Steph?" I suggested.

"No way, that's stupid, it's just the girl version of your name. We need to think of one that's not so obvious," he said.

"oh ok," I said, looking around the room for suggestions. I went over to the DVD tower and started trying to think of character names from the movies I watched to think of some girl names I liked. Kate, Jenny, Marla, Penny, Laura, Lisa… that's it.. "How about, Lisa."

"Perfect," He said. "They'll have no idea. This'll be great." He reached out his hand for me. "Shall we go meet them?"

##

Hand in hand, we headed downstairs to meet his friends. Brent introduced 'Lisa' to all of them, it was funny to me because I had met them all as Steve, but couldn't let on, because they had no idea who I really was under this makeup and wig. Chloe really was a miracle worker.

Brent has three really good friends he hangs out with, Mark, Rob, and Jeff. Jeff has a girlfriend named Sarah, and she was with them, but Mark and Rob were alone, which was pretty typical. Occasionally I'd see them hook up with a girl for a random one night stand but neither of them seemed capable of maintaining a long term relationship. They were all about casual sex. The few times they were with one girl for a while I don't think I'd define it as anything but Friends with benefits.

As we walked to the movie theatre, Sarah and I sort of walked ahead of the guys a few feet, having our own private conversation. The guys trailed back and talked about guy stuff, which I would have been much more comfortable doing, since I really don't know any girl stuff to talk about. However, Sarah knew this as well.

"So Steve, how long have you and Brent been an item?" She asked me when we were out of earshot from everyone else."

"What?!?" I asked her, shocked that she was so blunt about it.

"Don't worry, the guys have no idea. My brother is transgendered, so I know what signs to look for. Plus, no offense, I think most GG's would know you weren't the real deal after ten minutes. You're pretty good at holding the effect for brief amounts of time, but I can tell you don't have the experience of really acting like a girl on a regular basis," she said.

"Yeah, this is my first time out," I said. "Not counting the walk across campus from the place of the friend who made me over."

"Well, in that case, you're doing really well. Don't worry, I'll stick close to you and help you out. But anyway, So are you a Brent… you know?"

"Sort of, yeah," I said.

"Wow, I always kind of thought Rob was a closet case, but I never really thought about Brent. I can see it though, now that it's been put in front of me," she said. "I won't tell though."

"Honestly, I don't really care if you do. Brent is the one who would be upset if his friends found out. He said he didn't want them to think he'd gone fag on them."

"Ah, self loathing type, eh? I've met guys like that before. Let me guess, he always wants to pitch, never wants to receive, huh?"

"Yeah, pretty much," I said.

"He's probably rationalized it in his head that as long as you're the one with a dick inside you, he's not gay," she said.

"Yeah, drives me nuts though, I can never get him to let me pitch."

"Is Brent the first guy you've been with?" she asked.

"Yeah," I said. "I'd never really thought about boys until the first night we fucked. "

 

"So what do you get out of it, then?" She asked.

"Well, I used to think it was because he made me feel like a girl, because I never felt like I was passable before tonight, but when he saw me that first time in my skirt, I just felt like I was female in his eyes."

"Can I ask you a question… How do you define yourself?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, my brother considers himself a t-girl, or transvestite, he wanted to dress up like a girl even when we were kids, he taught himself how to use makeup when we were teenagers, and he learned how to make himself passable. You are only passable tonight because a friend made you up. Which tells me that you've never been that concerned about how much like a girl you looked. So are you really a t-girl, or are you just a crossdresser?"

I didn't get a chance to answer her because we arrived at the movie theatre and the guys interrupted our conversation. Sarah managed to tease Brent into buying 'Lisa' her ticket and popcorn, since 'Lisa' was his date. We all filed into the movie together, we saw Once Upon a Time in Mexico, which was pretty good, but I wasn't able to watch a lot of it because Brent kept trying to kiss me. He had his hand on my knee and slowly worked it up inside my skirt, rubbing the inside of my thighs, but headed south again when his fingertips felt my cock inside my panties. Sarah shot him a couple looks and shook her head, like she found his behavior to be completely reprehensible.

After the movie was over, Jeff and Sarah decided to go out just the two of them for dinner, so we were unable to finish our conversation. As a result, her question just floated around in my head for the entire walk back to the dorms. When we got back, Mark and Rob decided to invite themselves to hang out with us for a bit, so we all had a few beers and we played video games for a bit, but I couldn't stop thinking about Sarah's question. Finally, I had to be alone for a few seconds so I excused myself to the bathroom.

Staring into the mirror, I saw how beautiful my face looked made up. Again I couldn't believe how amazing a job Chloe had done on me, but it occurred to me that there was some truth to what Sarah had said. Why had I never really tried to do this to myself? It did take a lot of time and detail on Chloe's part to make me look feminine, but it wasn't an impossible task. Was I really not passable before, or did I just not want to pass? Was I really looking at my own face in the mirror, or was I looking at 'Lisa?' It was while leaning against the door, looking at the ceiling and pondering this question that I overheard Brent talking to his friends.

"Hey guys, when Lisa gets out of the bathroom, I would appreciate it if you guys kind of headed out. I think I'm getting very lucky tonight." I don't know why, but his words pissed me off. Why is it he would only tell his friends he was going to fuck me when they thought I was Lisa? And I knew what he had planned for this night, again he would fuck me, or make me suck him off, or both, and then fall asleep while I went and jerked off alone in the bathroom. And not only that, but he was lying to his friends about it. I waited a minute and then flushed the toilet and came out of the bathroom. I walked over to him and kissed Brent, making sure his friends clearly saw him returning my kiss. Rob and Mark got up to go.

"What's your hurry boys?" I asked them.

"Nothing, we just figured we should head out, looks like you two want to be alone," Mark said, the king of being nonchalant.

"Is that cause Brent said he might be getting lucky tonight?" I asked. Both of them looked at each other, uncomfortable now. "Well, he will be. But only if he tells you guys the truth about him and I."

"What?" Brent said.

"Well, If you're open enough with your friends to tell them we're going to have sex, I think you can tell them about our relationship."

"Lisa…." Brent said. His face was drained. "Please don't."

"Oh, so you can fuck me, and get your rocks off, but you're ashamed of it?" I asked.

"Maybe we should go…" Rob said.

"Yeah you guys, I'll call you later," Brent said, heading towards the door, but I got there first and blocked the exit.

"Oh you can go, but first there's something you should know. I'm not Lisa, Brent's old high school friend. I'm his roommate, Steve," and with that, I pulled off my wig.

#

"Why the fuck did you do that?" Brent yelled after Rob and Mark had gone. "Why did you fucking reveal that to them?

Rob and Mark had both had a moment or two of shock before Rob had finally said "Yeah, it's time for us to go… we'll call you later Brent. Nice Legs, Steve." And the two of them had gone.

"Reveal that? Reveal THAT? THAT is who I am Brent, I'm not fucking LISA, I'm Steve. And you've been having man on man sex with me for two semesters now!"

"You're not a man when we're having sex, remember, you're a girl."

"No Brent, that's why you have to fuck me in the ass, because I don't have a vagina." I unzipped my skirt and dropped it, showing the bulge in my skirt. "This is my penis. Because I'm a boy, and you like having sex with a boy. You've come home desperately wanting it many nights the past year, and in fact you were referring to it as 'getting lucky' to your friends just a few minutes ago.

"I'm not into guys!"

"Sure Brent, you keep telling yourself that. But we both know the truth, all this time, it hasn't been about you making me feel like a girl. It's been about me pretending to be and feel like a girl so you don't feel guilty about having homosexual sex."

"That's not true!"

"Oh it isn't?" I asked him. And with that, I used the cold cream to remove my makeup and stripped down till I was completely naked. Then I walked up to him and kissed him. "Then you still want to get lucky?"

"Get the fuck off me!" He said.

"You see? When I'm standing in front of you as a guy you're totally freaked out by the idea of having sex, but if I was in panties and a camisole, you'd be all about it. But guess what Brent? Girl's clothes don't make me any less of a man. I'm still Steve whether I'm covered in lingerie and makeup, or if I'm in a pair of jeans and a football t-shirt. I'm not a transsexual Brent, and I'm not really even a transvestite. I'm a crossdresser, I'm a boy who likes wearing women's clothes. And as much as you want to deny it to your friends and yourself, you loved fucking me."

And then, I got dressed again, and without makeup or a wig, just as a guy in a skirt, I left Brent standing there in our dorm room as I walked out of the building and back across campus. I turned many more heads than I did when I looked like a girl, but I don't think it was out of attraction this time around. Before I knew it, I was knocking on Chloe's door. When she answered it, I pressed my lips against hers.

"So you're back for me to make you feel like a woman, huh?" She asked in between kisses as I entered the room.

 

"No," I said. "I'm here for you to make me feel like myself."

##

##

EPILOGUE:

I went over to the dorm while Brent was in class and collected a few things and stayed at Chloe's place for a few days, so Brent had a chance to cool down. When it came time to file for housing for the next year, I decided to get a single dorm by myself, it cost a little more but I didn't want to have a roommate again for a while.

Brent and I eventually made up, Sarah apparently had a talk with him and made him realize that he'd been using me. He's slowly coming to terms with his sexuality, apparently he's now openly bisexual. We've managed to create some sort of a friendship out of the ordeal. Despite his efforts, the two of us never had sex again, especially after I found out that during our time 'together' he sometimes was sleeping with other girls on the nights that he didn't come home. I would be mad at him for 'cheating' on me, if I hadn't been making out with Chloe all those afternoons in the back hallways of the mall. Besides, I did feel a little guilty having "out"ed him in front his friends like that, even given the circumstances. I decided we'd both been a little wrong, and I can't exactly play the part of the victim in our relationship.

Rob, Mark, and Jeff didn't take long to get over Brent's revelation. Apparently Sarah wasn't entirely off the mark when she said she thought Rob was a closet case, it turns out that one night during Fall semester he and Mark had slept together, because they both were curious. Mark had decided it wasn't for him, but since I "out"ed Brent, he and Rob have slowly started exploring their sexualities with each other. They're taking it pretty slow because they don't want to ruin their friendship. I've heard there's still some trouble getting Brent to be the bottom once in a while.

As for Chloe and I, we also decided to take it slow, I didn't want to rush into the thing with her after Brent and I had just ended. We continued making out on a regular basis, but it was a few months before we finally had sex. I wore a pink, washed silk babydoll that Chloe had brought me from work. We made passionate love that night, and again I felt passable. Not as a woman, nor as a man, but as me. Being exactly who it was I wanted.

  

  

  

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