Being Passable

by Zoe Carlyle

  

Chapter 2

  

I still can't imagine what he thought that first second when he came in the door and found me asleep on the couch, with that short little skirt and that, admittedly, kind of slutty top. I definitely remember how quickly his attitude of it turned to positive. I remember the shock we both felt when we started kissing. I think if you look hard enough, you can kind of see an imprint on the wall from when he pressed me against it as we made out, and I know my blouse was ruined when we started fucking on his bed.

Somehow between the doorway and that first kiss, I had changed in his mind from being Steve, his roommate, into being a sexy girl that he just had to have. I think now that first time was probably helped a bit by alcohol, he had apparently had a few at the concert, and we each had a beer before we'd begun making out. Not that one beer gets me drunk, but I had just awoken from a nap and was out of it to begin with.

That first night was amazing. It was easily the best sex I had ever had to that point. Of course, it was also the first time I received sex, ok, the first time I'd been fucked, and not done the fucking myself. Somehow the mixture of beer, clothes, and the fiery passions we felt for each other in those hot moments, had clouded any sort of rational thoughts. When we fell asleep in each others arms, I wasn't a boy who happened to be wearing women's clothes, I was a girl.

But that next morning was kind of awkward. The afterglow was gone. I didn't feel like a girl that morning, and Brent didn't think I was a girl either. The clouds had opened and there we were, two boys laying in bed together, one's shirt sticky with the other's cum. Neither of us wanted to talk about it.

Well, actually we both wanted to talk about it, just never at the same time. The next morning I'd wanted to talk about it, mostly because the fact that I had to walk with a limp the rest of the day gave me a pretty constant physical reminder of what we'd done. But Brent didn't want to. Then a few days later he tried to bring it up, and I didn't want to talk about it. It was an awkward week. Brent spent a lot of time away from the dorm, which before "the might" might have been a cue for me to dress up, but now even when I knew I could do It with him around, I wasn't doing it.

Finally a week had gone by, and neither of us had plans, mostly because we'd been so out of it all week that we hadn't socialized with anyone. I'd rented a movie and watched it, but couldn't get into it because of the tension. It was as thick as a knife and it was starting to stress me out. Finally I knew I had to use my favorite form of stress relief. I went to the drawer where I had moved my girly clothes too during the week, and grabbed a camisole and a pair of boy short panties. Nothing really fancy, I wouldn't even really call it lingerie, I'd never been able to buy myself real lingerie, I guess not being passable all those years made me feel I wasn't sexy so it was a waste of money buying lingerie. I just bought panties and camisoles, and once I had a bra, but never was sure what the purpose was, since I didn't have breasts and fakies wouldn't really add anything since I'd given up on passing. But while I'd occasionally want a baby-doll or a corset or a slip, I'd never been able to go through with it.

"What are you doing?" Brent asked when he saw what I had in my hands.

"Look, this silence is killing me Brent, I'm so tense and stressed out now, and even though this clothes thing is part of the reason we're like this, it's still always been the way I relieve stress."

"I guess that makes sense.. It's cool with me, if you want to dress up."

So I did. I stripped, I didn't bother going into the other room, I figured Brent had put his dick inside me it wouldn't hurt him to see me naked. I still pulled the panties on pretty quickly though, doing that before the top. Then I went and lay down on my bed and already I felt just a little better.

"Hey Steve man... I'm sorry I've been so distant this week" Brent said, cutting the silence.

"Me too... I was just weirded out by it.

"Yeah, So was I."

"I guess we can just chalk it up to a heat of passion, I mean, we did it, but we don't have to get hung up on it."

"Well... that's the thing Steve, I mean... I think the reason I was so scared to talk about it that morning, and why I've been avoiding you all week, was because I really liked it. I really did, and now seeing you here in those panties and top again... I really want to do it again."

It shocked me because I thought he was really ashamed. Having him look at me and find me sexy again had some power over me, it instantly made me feel like a girl. I got up from the bed and went over to his. The woman in me took control and I straddled him, placing my ass right over his crotch and pressing him down on the bed, before leaning forward to kiss him.

***

Six months went by. Brent and I had sex at least once a week. When I could tell we both wanted it, I'd put something pretty on and we'd flirt a bit before ending up in one of our beds. We had a few more awkward mornings but eventually got used to waking up in the same bed. I actually began wearing panties as my sole style of underwear, because our encounters became more and more spontaneous and I wanted to dress the part as much as I could.

It became sort of our secret thing. Neither of us told anyone else about our affairs. The closest thing that came to that is when he'd talk with his buddies occasionally Brent would hint that he has a girl he hooked up with for sex, and flash me a look, sort of a "if only they knew" sort of thing. I never heard him use the word "girlfriend" (or boyfriend) in reference to me though, which kind of bothered me, but I kind of realized if he said he had a girlfriend his buddies would want to meet her. It was easier just to act like I was a series of girls with which he had one night stands.

It was about Midnight when I heard his keys in the door. Even when we weren't having sex, I had taken to sleeping in a cami set of some sort. I would pass a nightie on display at Victorias Secret but I still couldn't justify lingerie to myself. I knew he was alone because he didn't knock. The knock was a system we had setup for when Brent went out drinking with his boys. We had a knock for if he had friends. He'd tell his friends he knocked instead of using a key because he was worried he'd walk in on me jerking off. The real reason was, if he had friends, I needed to quickly get out of my girl clothes. If I didn't respond, he'd assume I was asleep and they'd go back to his friends place, so as not to wake me. Some nights they just went back there to begin with, because there never was a knock or keys.

This night it was keys though. And I was glad because I'd had a rough day with classes and all and I really just wanted to let go to the girl inside me, and let her curl up with her boyfriend. I sat up in bed, with the blanket still wrapped around me a bit, and he came in the room. I could tell by the way he staggered a bit that he was kind of drunk. He smiled at me as he closed the door behind him and locked it.

"Hi." We both said. I got up from the bed and went over to him. He kissed me on the cheek, and then on the lips. Pretty soon we were making out, which was par for the course and I could feel him unzip his pants, and him working me down. I knew what he was doing, he wanted me to give him oral. I'd done it a few times but I never really enjoyed it. It wouldn't be so bad if he offered to give it to me every once in a while, but he never did. To me, sucking Brent's dick was all about Brent, and while I didn't mind giving him pleasure, I wanted some of my own, and tonight, I wasn't in the mood to blow him.

"not tonight"

"Oh, come on, you give it so well..."

"I'm just not in the mood Brent." I stood up, I walked away from him.

"You're never in the mood..." he said it flirtatiously but he was drunk so I don't think he realized I wasn't playing around.

"Brent, I've sucked your dick many many times. And you've never sucked mine. "

"Wait... that's what this is about? You want me to give you head? That's gross"

"It's not gross for me to go down on you."

"Steve... I thought you liked being the girl... I mean, that's why I always fuck you, and you suck me."

"Being the girl doesn't mean I'm your submissive little slave. I mean, Guys go down on girls, it just means in my case going down on me means sucking a dick. I mean my dick is always there when we're fucking but it never seems to stop you. I mean I've felt you inside me so much... can't I be in you for once?"

"Jeeze man, next thing you'll want to fuck my ass..."

"And what if I did?"

"You do, don't you?"

"...sometimes, yes."

"Why?"

"Because, I feel like I haven't been able to be with you with all of me. When I'm with you, I don't know if you really think I'm sexy of it I'm just an easy hole. If you really thought I was sexy you wouldn't be so afraid of letting me be inside you."

"Steve, This is too much for me right now.. I have to leave..."

"no, don't go, I want to talk about this."

But he didn't listen. He just left me there, all dressed up with no boyfriend. I'm sure he probably just went to one of his friends places and said I didn't respond to the knock.

Me, I just finished off the beers in our fridge and fell asleep.

***

The next day when I awoke, Brent still hadn't come home. I was frustrated, partially at him for being so selfish about always wanting me to receive, and partially to myself because if I had just let it slide last night and given him head, he probably would have cuddled with me all night, but I had to start an argument.

It was Saturday so there weren't any classes. I decided to head to the mall and look at DVD's and such, and figured I'd shop for some pretty clothes to cheer me up. I went to Victorias Secret to buy some new panties, I'd been meaning to check out their new Angels collection anyway.

As I entered the store I recognized one of the salesgirls from a previous visit. She smiled at me, I'm not sure if it was from recognition or just pleasant customer service.

"Hi, how are you today?" She asked me as I got closer.

"I'm good." I was lying of course, but I didn't exactly want to tell her I was feeling bad because I didn't blow my boyfriend last night and I was buying panties to comfort myself.

"Can I help you find anything today?"

"Yes, actually, where are the new Angels panties?"

"They're behind you, actually" And sure enough when I turned around there they were.

"Great, I was wondering if you had any specials going on with them?"

"No, there's no specials on them cause they're new. "

"Ah, I see."

"But I can say that if you buy the panties you should get a matching bra too. They look better as a set." This is something I hear a lot, but as I don't buy bras and they don't make camisoles in the Angels collection, I plan to just disregard it. She left me alone for a bit as I browsed, and when I finally decided on two pairs of panties she greeted me at the cash register.

"Is this it for you today?" she asked, smiling

"Yeah, that'll do it." she took the panties to scan them

"You sure you don't want a bra?"

"Yeah I'm pretty positive"

"I really recommend it."

"Not today"

 

"Oh, come on, she's gotta have a bra" I know that she was just being friendly, and I know from personal experience that the Victorias Secret sales girls are the most skilled high-pressure salespeople in the world, they really should get commission, but today I was just not in the mood.

"Trust me, you're not going to win this argument."

"why not, does she not wear bras?" And then I looked at her in the eyes and just let it out.

"You really want to know what I'm not buying a bra? Because there's no "she" in this scenario, these panties are for me and I don't have breasts, so there's no reason for me to buy a bra."

"oh, ok." She said, which kind of surprised me.

"That's it? just "ok?" I didn't know what to say

"Dude, I work in a lingerie store, do you really think you're the first guy in here shopping for himself?"

"I guess that makes sense."

"You should have just told me to begin with, I could have helped you shop, though I will say you've made a very nice choice."

"Why thank you, I'm sorry, I don't know your name."

"It's Chloe, yeah we don't wear nametags."

"I'm Steve." It suddenly occurred to me that we were kind of flirting, with our body language more than our words. I wondered if Chloe had some sort of thing for guys who wore panties.

"Hey, Steve, I don't normally do this, but, I have a break soon, do you want to maybe get a cup of coffee?"

I don't know why, but I said yes, and before I knew it we were sitting at a metal table in the mall food court, drinking Starbucks and having a great conversation about movies and books and such. She only had a half hour break and so it ended much too soon. I felt bad about it because of Brent but I found myself wanting to spend more time with Chloe. Before I could say anything to her about it she took my hand.

"Come with me" she said, and lead me to the service hallway behind the store. Again I felt guilty, but we were making out anyway. It was incredible, Even with Brent there was never such a rush of passion from just kissing, with him, even that first night, it was kissing was just a warmup for sex, but in this hallway with Chloe, it was like sex was just a fortune cookie you don't even eat after the meal.

"Hey, this was really nice, do you want to maybe do it again? Friday night at 8 maybe? At a restaurant or something, maybe I might even eventually see you in those?" she pointed to the pink and white striped bag in my hand. She was pretty blunt, but she said it in that kind of joking way where you knew she was just really confident. I was about to say yes when suddenly that bit of guilt popped back into my head.

"God, I really want to, but... it would be wrong."

"why? You like me don't you?"

"Yeah."

"Oh... you have a girlfriend?"

"Heh.. actually, a boyfriend."

"Now that kind of suprises me."

"Why?"

"Well, A) most of the guys I've sold panties to are straight, and B)..." she placed a hand on my crotch "You don't feel gay."

"I'm not gay... I just, have a boyfriend..." Yeah it didn't make much sense to me either. "It's complicated."

"I see, well, I guess this is where we part then. If it doesn't work out, you know where I work. Come in some time when we're not busy, I'll help you pick out some items that will knock his socks off." She said as she let go of me and headed back out of the hallway. I regretted saying anything about Brent, but at the time I figured I'd probably regret it more if I'd cheated on Brent. Taking my bag of panties, I went to my car and headed back to the dorm.

***

The rest of the day was pretty dull, Brent wasn't there, though I could tell by the way things had been moved around that he'd been there at some point while I was gone. I watched some DVD's and read some of my class books, the finals for the end of the year were coming up soon and I wanted to get the jump on studying. Applications for housing for the next fall had also come and I looked through them, but I wanted to talk to Brent to find out what he wanted to do. I figured he'd want to live together again, why would you live with your boyfriend and then live separate? But I didn't know if he wanted to get an apartment or another dorm.

At about 8 o'clock I decided to go to the dining hall and get something to eat. I took the long way around some of the other buildings to sort of take in the night air. Well, it was spring so it was more like evening air. I wasn't as hungry as I thought I was when I got there so I just had a slice of pizza.

When I got back to the dorm, I found a vase full of flowers on the desk with a note. I didn't see Brent, but I opened the note up and it simply told me to go to the bedroom. I expected to see Brent in his bed waiting for me, but instead I saw a bag, with those pink and white stripes on it sitting on my bed, and a little pink ribbon tying it shut, like it was a gift. I looked over and there was Brent laying on his bed.

"Hi Steve.

"Hi... that was so sweet with the flowers, thank you"

"I'm sorry I split last night, I guess I felt bad when you said you didn't think you were sexy to me. You're very sexy to me. So, to make it up to you, I got you a little gift. "

"You shouldn't have" I said, which is the typical response when someone does something really nice. I walked over to the bag and I removed the ribbon. I pulled up a layer of pink tissue paper and found a package of black fishnet stockings. I looked to brent who nodded for me to continue digging into the bag. It was then that I saw a little strap, and moved the tissue paper to find a black corset, with garter straps on the end of it.

Brent had bought me lingerie.

  

  

  

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