This is a work of fiction. All of the characters in this story are fictional, and any resemblance to anyone else living or dead is probably a coincidence. Please notify me if you are archiving this and the other chapters of the story on a web site. Permission specifically granted to Sapphire’s Place and Crystal’s Story Site to archive this. If you intend to publish this story in magazine or book (paper or electronic) format, please contact me for arrangements. Additional information on this story may be found at: http://www.ralabs.com/zapped/.

Note: The hospital scenes in this chapter are not intended to be an accurate portrayal of a real hospital. Please don't take me to task for procedural errors in that section of the chapter. I already know that real hospitals don't function that way!

 

Before My Time

By Bob Arnold
© 2002 by Robert Arnold - All Rights Reserved.

 

Chapter 3

From chapter 2 -

Two years after I accepted Toni’s offer of a job, we wound up back in Chicago again almost to the exact day that I had first mixed the sound for her concerts. The Chicago shows had been a success again and we were getting ready to leave on the bus for the next stop on the tour.

"Toni, COME ON! Andrea is waiting for us! We've got to fight our way through the crowd out there again. MOVE IT!"

"Coming, Bear. I just wanted to get out of that last costume. Sparkles and fringe isn’t very comfortable to travel in and they need to clean it anyway."

I looked at Toni standing in the doorway. The sometimes awkward seventeen year old had grown up into a beautiful nineteen year old woman. Her figure was quite stunning and was the envy of almost every teenager, male and female, that ever saw her. And it was all natural too. Her spirit had grown considerably too. She matured from an insecure girl into a woman sure of her future.

"Ready, Bear. Let's get going."

I fell in behind Toni as two security guards joined us. As we left the arena by a side exit, the crowd rushed toward us. As we walked into the crowd I heard a woman scream then 2 gunshots. I saw a spurt of red erupt on the side of Toni's neck. One of the two security people was down while the other was already tending to Toni as she lay unconscious on the ground. I looked up to see a man a few feet away in the crowd holding a gun. He was aiming to take another shot at Toni.

I rushed forward toward the man. He raised the gun directly at me and fired. I felt a hot burning sensation in my chest then I started to crumple toward the ground. My weight was enough with my forward speed to send me crashing into the man knocking him to the ground. I heard another shot as the pain erupting in my stomach caused my vision to go white and my other senses to go into overload.

Then the world faded to black.

 

And now chapter 3 -

The air was filled with the sounds of screaming and sirens as I woke up. I blinked trying to clear a milky white haze from my eyes. A face resolved from the blur. A man in a uniform was looking at me.

I heard him say, "You're hurt. Stay here", then he was gone.

I nodded slightly. Strands of red hair fell down blocking the scene before me. I lifted a trembling hand to brush the hair away only to see long, well manicured hot pink colored fingernails on slim fingers on a small hand. I brushed the hair out the way brushing something else as I did. I was able to look down enough to see two large mounds of flesh. I moved the hand down to one of them and squeezed. Not only did I feel the mound with that hand, I felt that hand squeezing that mound from the mound itself. A sharp throbbing pain invaded my thoughts and I moved the hand to where the throbbing was. I felt a mass of gauze bandages and something gooey. I pulled back the hand and looked to see a bright red substance covering it. I remember thinking two words as I passed out. "Oh shit…"

I don't know how long I was in the darkness. There was no reference to time, distance, sound or anything else, just an all-encompassing blackness that surrounded me. I couldn't see, hear or feel anything. I saw a small point of light after what felt like an eternity. It seemed to be way off in the distance. I concentrated on the speck of light as it slowly grew in size until I was looking at the inside of a hospital room. I blinked several times as the haze cleared again. A woman's face floated into view. It was the face of Katherine, Toni's mom.

"Welcome back. You gave us such a terrible scare, honey. Can you hear me and understand me?"

"Yes." I thought I recognized the voice and I knew it wasn't mine. I decided to stay quiet.

"That's great, sweetie. Do you think you can handle me telling you what happened?"

I nodded yes.

"Good. Well, the doctors think you'll recover just fine. You lost a lot of blood from the wound but you should make a full recovery. You may have some memory problems but the doctors say you'll fully recover. Isn't that great?"

I nodded yes again.

"Can you take some bad news, sweetie?"

Another nod yes.

"There's no other way to tell you this, honey." The tears started streaming down her face. "That man was going to shoot you again. Bear took the bullet intended for you then he was hit a second time as he fell. He died within a few seconds. There was nothing the medical crews could do when they got there. I'm so sorry that he didn't make it, sweetie."

I started screaming. "NO! IT CAN'T BE, IT JUST CAN'T BE! THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE" The machines I was connected to were going absolutely crazy making all kinds of alarm noises. I saw a doctor inject something into the IV lead going into my arm while a nurse held me down on the bed. In a few seconds the room faded to black again.

I don’t know how long I was in the blackness. Once again I saw a tiny point of light and willed myself toward it with every shred of energy I could find. As the point of light grew larger a second smaller point of light started to glow next to it. As I got closer, I realized the second point of light was Toni floating before me in the blackness. She wore a long flowing dress that extended out behind her.

"We don't have much time, Bear. It wasn't supposed to happen like it did. You weren't the one, I was. You've been given another chance. It was the best they could do." She reached out and I felt a wave of warmth pass through me. "There. I've given you a little gift to help you. Things may feel very strange for a while but you'll get used to it. Be sure to read my diary. That's as much as I can do. I'll be waiting for you when your time does come. Always remember I love you." She kissed me then faded from sight. The remaining point of light grew until I was looking at the inside of the hospital room again.

I had expected to find Katie there but I was all by myself in the room. I was propped up in bed on a couple of pillows. Red hair blocked my vision again. I blinked several times to try to knock the hair away. Not having any luck by blinking, I tried moving my arms. Both hands came into view. I saw the same long delicate fingers tipped with bright pink inch long fingernails on small hands that I had seen before. The nail polish was chipped in spots. The thought that I should do something about the deplorable state of those fingernails was quite a shock. I tried to figure out where the thought came from. Even more long red hair tumbled down to block my vision as I shook my head trying to clear my thoughts. I tried flexing the fingers and found that I was able to make a fist or straighten out the fingers. I brushed the hair out of the way. As I moved the strange arm, it brushed against something large and soft on my chest.

I moved my head up off the pillow looking down to see two very feminine breasts glued to my chest. The breasts hurt as I very crudely tried to grab them and pull them off hoping that somebody had played a very cruel joke. They hurt quite a lot as I pulled so I stopped trying. I forced the unfamiliar hand under the sheet and hospital gown to feel where the breasts were glued on. I found no seams anywhere or areas where the feelings flooding my brain changed as my fingers explored them. When the hand brushed a nipple a small shock wave of pleasure echoed through me, head to toes! In an act of disbelief, I tried it again and got the same wave of pleasure. Both nipples became hard and stood up proving to my confused mind that, beyond any doubt, these breasts were very real!

I slid what I now accepted as my hand further down searching for something between my legs that I knew should be there. I didn’t find what I expected. What I did find was a vertical slit with a small opening in it and a very sensitive area just above it. My hand brushed over the sensitive area giving me a very strange and wonderful feeling throughout my whole body, an incredible wave of pleasure echoing like ripples in water bouncing against the side of a pool. The nipples rubbing against the rough hospital gown only intensified the effect. I withdrew my hand and started looking for a mirror in a state of mind approaching shock. I searched until my fingers came across a cord on the bed leading to a small box with a button on it. The label said "Nurse" so I pushed it.

A few minutes later a woman in a starched white uniform entered the room. "Oh, so you're awake. That wasn't supposed to happen for another few hours. I’ll get you another sedative."

"NO! No sedatives, I'm going to stay awake."

"But the Doctors said that…"

"I don't care WHAT the Doctors said. I said NO MORE SEDATIVES. Is there a mirror around?"

She opened the drawer on the table next to the bed and took out a small highly polished metal plate with rolled edges. I guess that passed for a mirror in the sterile hospital environment and it wouldn’t break if dropped either. She placed it on top of the table. "Is there anything else you need?"

"Um…no, thanks." She quietly left the room.

I raised the mirror in my shaking hands as I closed my eyes. When I opened them my suspicions were confirmed. The face that looked back at me in the mirror was not my own but the face of Toni Baker! I moved my hand up to brush away the rest of the hair covering that face. The simple act of seeing the image and controlling its actions made me realize what had happened. Now I understood what Toni had just told me. I was taken before my time and the powers that controlled the universe saw fit to give me another chance at living in her body! It had been TONI’S time to leave this existence, NOT MINE!

Tears started to flow as I dropped the mirror back to the bed and buried my face in the pillow. I cried a long time for the loss of my sweet, wonderful Toni. While her body was alive and recovering, that incredible spirit of hers was gone forever from this world. The sobs slowly stopped then I got several tissues and started to wipe my eyes. As I wiped away the tears I thought that it was very strange that I had cried like that. My emotions were normally buried very deep and tightly controlled. Now they seemed to be a larger part of my personality always just below the surface and ready to erupt without warning.

After a little while I felt a strange yet somehow familiar full feeling down below and pressed the nurse call button again. The same nurse entered the room.

"Your Doctor asked to be notified when you woke up. He'll be here shortly. Is there something else you need?"

"Thank you, I do want to talk to him. Now I think I need to go to the bathroom."

"A bathroom trip?" She looked at a chart on the wall by the door. "You have to use the bedpan. The chart says that the doctor doesn't want you up yet."

"NO WAY! No bedpans! I'll go by myself!" I peeled back the covers on the bed then struggled to drop my legs over the side of the bed and saw that they were still several inches above the floor. I also saw how tiny my feet were now.

"Here's the bedpan." She placed it beside me on the bed.

I looked at the plastic pan and shuddered. "Would you care to provide me with a live demonstration on how to use that instrument of torture?" She frowned at me and placed the bedpan on the floor. "I thought so. Now please help me to the bathroom unless you want me to fall flat on my face. That would look real good on the evening news. Nurse stands by while patient injured trying to reach the bathroom…"

"You'll have to wait a moment." She turned on her heels and disappeared out the door. She came back moments later pushing a wheelchair.

"I don’t think I’ll need that." I stood up feeling that the world had all of a sudden grown taller around me. I realized that I was now over a foot shorter than I was before. I wobbled a little on my little feet but remained standing. She pushed the chair into a corner and brought a walker over to me that I gratefully accepted to help my balance since it felt wrong somehow. I made it into the bathroom just fine and got comfortable on the toilet. Seeing that I was all right the nurse turned back toward the bed.

"I’ll go change your bedding now." She closed the bathroom door behind her.

I looked in the large mirror over the sink across from me as I relieved myself. The image that looked back wasn't very appealing. Toni's long red hair was all matted and scraggly from her, err, my head being on the pillow. A large bandage was wrapped around her… my neck just above her… my shoulders with a bulge on the right side. The hospital gown hung loosely exposing parts of my chest and backside.

The fact that I was in the body of Toni Baker completely settled into my groggy brain. I realized then that I had two choices. The first choice was to simply accept the change and make the best of it. I had a second chance at life and, with some work, the body I now occupied might be returned to health. The second choice was to try to convince everyone that I was really Bear Thompson in the body of Toni Baker. I seriously considered it then I reasoned that nobody would believe me seeing as how I had just come out of a coma. In fact, they were likely to force me into getting psychiatric help thinking that the news of Bear's death had sent me over the edge.

I realized that my only choice was to accept what I had become after another long gaze at myself in the mirror. I knew I wouldn’t have an easy time at first. I didn’t have Toni’s memories but thanks to the injury I wasn’t expected to be completely "normal" anyway for a while. I looked at myself in the mirror again as the nurse returned to the bathroom to check on me.

"Are you finished?"

"Yes. Sorry but I don’t pee on command. When ya gotta go, ya gotta go and I HAD to GO!"

"Now you need to go back to your bed. Think you can make it back?" I nodded that I could and stood up. I washed my face and hands then carried the walker all the way back to the bed and left it in the corner where it had come from.

I hopped back in bed grinning at the confused nurse. "How did I do?"

"I don’t know why they told me you might have a problem. From what I just saw you look fine to me."

"I think I’m just lucky." I shrugged my shoulders and more hair fell down in my eyes. I brushed it aside again.

"I have to get back to the nursing station. Your doctor should be here shortly. If you need anything just hit the call button again."

"Yes ma’am."

She took the wheelchair with her. I laughed as I saw the confused look on her face as she left the room. The sound of that very feminine laugh caused me to locate the mirror again and have a closer look at myself. There was no doubt that I was Toni Baker. The mane of red hair and the flashing green eyes were unmistakable. The bandage on the right side of my neck was the only outward evidence of what had happened to me. I put the mirror away when I heard a knock on the door.

"Come in."

A young man wearing a white lab coat entered the room. I noticed that the same nurse had come back into the room with him. A quick guess said he was in his middle thirties. He had dark brown wavy hair, a pleasant face and the most amazing blue-green eyes I've ever seen. I experienced a growing warm feeling in my tummy and both nipples stood up under the rough hospital gown. I let the sensations overwhelm me as the man spoke.

"Hello, Miss Baker, I'm James Thornton, the doctor that attended to you when you came in. I see your feeling much better now."

The thoughts of being held in his arms and kissing passionately thundered through my head. I could almost feel his arms holding me and the warm touch of his lips on my own. I suddenly jolted out of my dreaming feeling my cheeks get warm and realized I was blushing. "Thank you, doctor and please call me Toni. Can you fill me in on my condition?"

"I can if you'll let me examine you. Just get comfortable. This shouldn't hurt a bit, maybe." I scowled back at him. "Ok. It won't hurt at all. Just kidding!" He used his stethoscope to listen to my heart and lungs then began probing my arms and legs with a small pin. I was supposed to tell him if I felt each tiny pinprick. He frowned briefly as he made some notes on the chart.

"So how am I doing, Doctor?"

"Well, from what I can see, you're doing very well for what you've been through, generally speaking. We expected far more nerve damage than you appear to have. I'm glad to see you've proved me and a whole bunch of other perplexed doctors very wrong."

"Believe me, Doctor, I'm glad I proved you wrong too. I don't remember anything about the ah… accident. Is that normal?" I remembered everything Bear had seen until I passed out but nothing from Toni's viewpoint.

"That's normal for this type of injury, Toni. You may have additional memory lapses and some learning problems but they should pass within a few months. It takes a little time for the human brain to unravel the damage done to it. You'll need to re-learn what you've forgotten and your brain will develop other paths to give you back your memory."

"So when can I start in on therapy, Doctor?"

"Therapy? What therapy? Other than the memory problems you're fine physically, Toni. We'd like to keep you overnight just to be sure though."

"You mean I can go home tomorrow?"

"Yes."

"Thank you. Umm…I have a question. What happened to the security guard that was hit? Did he make it?"

"Yes. I can’t go into the details but he’ll make a full recovery. It may take a while but he will recover."

"Thanks. If there's anything the guard needs in the way of extra care or anything, please let me know and I'll make sure he gets it." The doctor gathered up his instruments and notes then left the room with the nurse following him.

I settled back on the bed and closed my eyes. Thoughts of the snuggling in the doctor's arms invaded my mind again as a warm feeling spread through my body and a wet feeling developed in a certain spot of my new anatomy. I let the thoughts run wild for a few minutes and decided that being a woman wouldn’t be so bad after all. I was puzzled on why I now found that I had a strong attraction to men but felt nothing in a similar way for women. It occurred to me that this was a part of the ‘gift’ that Toni had given me earlier. I wondered what else was lurking in the background.

I must have fallen asleep after that because I woke up to the feeling of someone gently shaking my shoulder. Toni's mom was standing in front of me.

"Honey! I'm so glad to see you!" She hugged me so hard I lost my breath for a few moments. "How do you feel, sweetie?"

I took a deep breath and hoped I could be Toni Baker. If anyone could detect the change it would have to be Toni's mom. "Better, mom, a whole lot better."

"Honey, up until yesterday we thought you might die. The doctors tell me your recovery so far is almost a miracle."

"I know, mom. I want to get back home and recover. The doctor told me that they will let me go home tomorrow."

"That's fantastic, honey! Are you sure?"

I attempted to imitate Toni's trademark whine that I'd heard a thousand times or more. "Mooommmmmmm! I wouldn't have told you if it wasn't true!" I crossed my arms on my chest and pouted.

"OK, honey. Are you feeling up to talking to Bear's lawyer? He says he has something for you. He said it was for you only. Those were Bear's instructions in his will."

I felt a big lump in my throat as I gulped then nodded that I was ready. She left the room coming back in moments later with a short heavyset man looking like he was in his upper seventies. I recognized him immediately but I had to act as though I never met him before. Fortunately, Katie saved me an embarrassing moment.

"Toni, this is Millford Parfrey. Mister Parfrey, this is my daughter, Toni Baker."

"Miss Baker, so nice to meet you. Bear spoke very often of you when we got together." He shook my hand. My hand now seemed so small in comparison to his. I remembered how small Toni’s hand looked next to my old hand. He placed a pair of ancient bifocal glasses on the bridge of his nose. With his white hair and the gleam in his eyes there was a very strong resemblance to the general image everyone has of Ben Franklin.

"Miss Baker, it is my sad duty as Mister Thompson's attorney to read to you the terms of his will." He flipped through several pages of the large document, wincing visibly, then looked up at me. "I think for the sake of brevity we'll skip to the meat of the will?" When I nodded my agreement he turned past several more pages until he found the right one. "Mister Thompson, due to the lack of any living blood relatives has named you sole inheritor of his entire estate. That includes the house and everything associated with it and his remaining bank balances, which are considerable by the way. I have all of the documentation here. All I need is your signature, Miss Baker." He held out a sheet of paper and a pen.

I hesitated before I accepted the paper and pen. I wasn't sure how I would sign the paper. Yes, I was now in Toni's body but would my handwriting be my own or hers? I realized that I had little choice in the matter and signed the paper. I handed it back to him. He took out another sheet of paper from his brief case and compared the two signatures then he picked up a large manila envelope and handed it to me. "Thank you, Miss Baker. Here are the documents for Mister Thompson's estate. If there is anything more I can help you with I have included my contact information in the file. I do need to be getting back home. It was nice to meet you. Possibly we'll meet again under better circumstances." In a few moments he was gone.

I sat on the bed holding the envelope to my chest rocking slowly back and forth. Katie placed her around me. "It’s come as quite a shock to everyone that Bear’s gone."

"I’ll be ok, mom. I just need some time."

"I know, Toni." We hugged each other for a few more minutes. Katie moved away from me but stayed on the bed. "When they let you out where do you want to go, sweetie?"

"I want to go back to Bear’s house. It’s more of a home than the house here in Chicago is to me now."

"Are you going to be able to handle seeing all of Bear’s things again when you know he’s never coming back? Are you really sure you want to do this?"

"Yes, mom, I’m sure. I know it will take me a while to adjust. I could be a blubbering pile of Jello when I set foot in that house again but its something I HAVE to do. I may as well do it now rather than later."

"Do you want me to go with you, honey?"

"Not unless you want to. I think I can manage with Andrea's help. I want to use the bus for the trip."

We heard a knock on the door and we both said, "Come in." in unison. The door opened and Tyler walked into the room.

"Don’t you EVER do that to us again young lady! You scared us out of about 10 years of life each!"

"Tyler! It wasn’t something I planned and it wasn’t fun for me either! On top of that Bear is gone. I really miss him." My tears started to flow again as I thought about what really happened and how much I was going to miss Toni. Tyler sat down on the bed next to me and hugged me tight. I realized how much hugs mean to me now and marveled at how much better they made me feel. I hugged Tyler back as my sniffles subsided.

"So where are you going to go when they toss you out of here tomorrow?"

"So you know about that, huh?" He nodded. "Well, since Bear’s will left me everything I’m headed back to upstate New York to recover. You’re welcome to come Tyler but I’d rather have some time alone."

"I’ll visit, ok? Can I make a suggestion though?"

"What is it?"

"Go back home here for a day or two and let me set up a diversion to confuse the press as to the direction you're headed. I think all the paparazzi in the world are waiting outside to get pictures of you. The tabloids are having a field day with this saying you're knocking on death's door. Have you looked out your window yet?"

"No. Why?"

"There's a huge crowd of fans out there waiting for any news of your condition. Every network has a TV crew out there and the satellite uplink trucks are lined up for blocks in all directions."

"I didn't know, Tyler. I just woke up a few hours ago."

"We've been very lucky to keep Bear's place a secret all this time. I don't think you want to make it known now do you?"

"Definitely NOT, Tyler. All right then, I'll go to mom's place and we'll figure out a diversion. I think I know exactly who to call to double for me while I quietly leave on the bus for upstate New York."

"If I can get some clothes in here I'll get dressed and make an appearance at the window to let the crowd know I'm fine and still alive. That should quiet things down out there a bit. So, mom, will you get me some clothes?"

"Yup, you’re feeling better. Asking for clothes already. So what do you want me to bring?"

"Hmmm… how about a nice dress. Something just above the knee that leaves my neck exposed. I want the fans to see that I’m not hurt badly. I need some panties and bras and some panty hose too. How about my makeup case and a couple of pairs of shoes, a pair of flats and a pair of heels for me to leave the hospital tomorrow? " As I spoke I wondered how I suddenly knew so much about Toni’s clothes. I shrugged inside realizing that is was another part of her gift to me.

"Ok, honey. You know best what you like to wear. What do you want me to bring for when you leave tomorrow?"

"Just a nice blouse and jeans will do. I might as well be comfortable."

"What about that hot pink halter top and shorts set? That’s still in your room at the house. The rest of the stuff is in storage for a little while. Most of your other clothes are in New York. There are a few things still on the bus though."

"I don’t think so, mom. How would it look if I dressed like that after what I’ve been through?"

"All right, a blouse and jeans. Still want the high heels?"

"Yes, otherwise I’ll get lost in the crowd out there." I remembered how Bear’s body towered more than a foot above Toni’s head.

"OK. I’ll bring the heels too. By the way, honey, when we got the word earlier that you were awake I told Andrea to get the bus ready to take you to New York. I guessed right that you’d want to go back there to recover. She’ll get the house ready for you and be available to take you wherever you need to go."

"MOM! I can take care of myself you know!" I folded my arms across my chest and stomped my foot.

"I’m not taking NO as an answer, young lady. I can STILL turn you over my knee! You know Andrea has her black belt and can help to protect you now that he’s gone."

"I’m sorry, mom. I know. It’s just so strange to think that I’ll never see him again or be able to hug him." The floodgates opened as I thought about Toni. Katie hugged me tight again.

"Go ahead and have a good cry, Toni. I’ll join you." I looked up to see her tears had started too. We sat there in each other’s arms until we heard another knock on the door.

"Come in." It was the nurse again.

"I'm sorry but you'll have to leave us for a while. I need to change the dressing and visiting hours are almost over for this afternoon."

Katie got up off the bed and headed for the door. "I think I had better get moving if I'm going to get your clothes back here. I'll be back in about two hours, honey."

"Thanks, mom. I love you." I saw a tear in the corner of her eye as she left. I looked at the nurse.

"Well, let's get this over and please call me Toni…"

"Now, Miss Bak… Toni, do you have to use the bathroom again?"

"That seems like a good idea, yes."

I moved the covers aside and slid out of bed again. I was even more steady on my feet this time and the nurse simply watched me walk across the room to the bathroom door. I finished up a few minutes later and returned to the bed to sit on the edge. The nurse removed the old dressing from my neck and applied a new one. I got a look at the wound. It was only a few stitches and looked like it was healing rapidly.

"Do you think there will be a scar there?" The nurse shrugged.

"I’m not certain. Your Doctor should be able to tell you that. Even if there is it should be a small one and easily covered by makeup. I wouldn’t worry about it."

"Just wondering…" She finished up and handed me a small card and a pen.

"That’s the selection card for supper. If you’ll check off what you want it will be sent up in an hour or so. I’ll be back in a few minutes to get the card."

She left the room and for the first time in several hours I was alone again. I made my supper choices on the card and put it back on the table. I found the remote for the TV and spent some time cruising through the cable channels. I stopped on one of the headline news channels. After a few minutes I saw a picture of my old body pop up on the screen.

"…and today Quentin West was charged in the attempted murder of pop/rock star Toni Baker and the murder of Robert "Bear" Thompson as they were leaving her last performance in Chicago a few days ago. West entered a plea of not guilty to the charges in court today." The video showed a clip of the proceedings in the courtroom. "Video taken by a fan clearly shows West holding a gun and firing at the entourage at it left the arena. Thompson was hit twice and died at the scene. Toni Baker remains in guarded condition at a hospital in Chicago." The screen showed the video the fan had captured slowed down and magnified slightly to show the man in the crowd holding the gun. I watched as he fired and the old me fell to the ground on top of him. I heard a second shot as the camera panned over to show Toni lying in a small pool of blood on the ground.

Tears started to fill my eyes again so I grabbed the remote and switched over to one of the many soap operas on at that time of day. I found myself getting absorbed in the story in a way that I had never experienced before and the time simply flew by.

Supper arrived and I ate while watching the evening local and national news programs. I finished up supper just as Katie returned with the clothes.

"Hi, mom. Did you get everything?"

"I did and I brought some extra things too just in case." She put three large bags on the end of the bed.

"Well, I think I need to get dressed and make an appearance at the window. I saw on the news everyone is worried about me."

"That’s true, honey. You wouldn’t believe the rumors flying around right now. Some people have you dead already while others are saying it’s all a gigantic government cover-up because you were abducted by aliens and taken to their planet to give a concert."

"Well I suppose if they were really friendly I’d give an intergalactic concert." I smiled at the thought. "Otherwise this girl is staying earthbound for a while. Let me get dressed. I’ll be out in a few minutes, mom."

I selected a mid-thigh length blue dress with a low cut neckline and grabbed a bra and a pair or panties along with a little plastic egg containing a pair of panty hose. The makeup kit went with me into the bathroom too.

The first thing I did was to take off my clothes and use the toilet. After cleaning up I used the small shower to carefully clean myself. I was very careful to keep the water away from the bandage around my neck. I aimed the stream lower down on my body. The pulsing water played over the sensitive spot between my legs and my knees almost buckled from the sensation it shot through me. I held onto the railing around the shower and let the water work its magic. The pleasure built to an incredible level as the orgasm hit. I managed to shut of the water as I dropped totally spent to my knees on the floor of the shower. As a man I had never felt anything even remotely close to that experience. Now, as a woman I relished the effect something as simple as taking a shower could have on my body.

I recovered enough to stand again and continued on getting cleaned up. I decided not to wash my hair but I did manage to get the ends of the long hair down my back wet. As I toweled off I paid special attention to drying the hair as well as I could. I applied some body powder I found in the makeup case then stepped into the panties. The sensation of the panties around my large bottom and the empty space between my legs was silky smooth and tickled slightly when I moved.

I managed to put on the bra noticing that I felt much more comfortable. I had no trouble fastening the hooks on the back of the bra and wondered how I was able to do that so easily. This body seemed so much more flexible than my old one. I looked in the mirror at the effect of the bra. My breasts felt much better being supported by the cups and now had lots of cleavage for a woman of my size. ‘For a woman of my size?’ Where in the world had that thought come from?

I shrugged feeling the bra straps pulling at my shoulders and the slight but ever present bounce of those two mounds of flesh on my chest. I dropped the toilet cover down and sat down to pull on the panty hose. I was uncertain for just a moment how to put them on but then my hands and legs seemed to develop a will of their own. I was fascinated by the silky, snug feeling of the stockings as they slid over my smooth legs.

As I looked down I noticed that my toenails were also painted a hot pink and looked a bit chipped. Off came the hose again and out came the bottle of nail polish from the makeup kit. I watched in fascination as my hands expertly repaired the polish on my toenails then started to fix the polish on my fingernails too.

I waved my hands in the air for a few of minutes as the polish on my fingers and toes dried then I grabbed the stockings and slid them on again. Looking down feeling much more satisfied with my improved appearance.

I got up and carefully got into the dress. From the sizes of my bra and panties I knew my hips were just a little smaller than my breasts so I stepped into the dress rather than trying to pull it over my head. I puzzled for a few seconds on how I had known to do that then shrugged my shoulders since it really didn’t matter. The breasts bouncing gently on my chest were sufficient reminders of my new situation. The zipper was in the front on this dress and could be adjusted to show various amounts of cleavage. I decided that all the way to the top was appropriate for my window appearance. I took a couple of steps back and looked into the mirror over the sink. A beautiful young woman in a dark blue dress gazed back at me. I frowned when I saw that I still lacked any makeup.

My hands flew on autopilot over the makeup case applying all sorts of creams, powders and solutions to the skin on my face. I made all sorts of weird contortions with my facial muscles as the makeup was applied. My hands put everything back into the kit and dropped to my side. I looked in the mirror again to see Toni as I remembered seeing her that last night on stage. She…I looked at least a few years older and very sophisticated. I studied the face very closely amazed at the job I had just done without even thinking about it.

My hands flew into action again as they grabbed a comb and brush to finish off my hair. I brushed my hair until it positively glowed ending up with two ponytails, one on either side at the back of my head in the manner Toni had started wearing her hair recently. The last unguided action of my hands was to insert an earring into the piercing on each earlobe. I looked at the earrings and found that they were golden teddy bears that I had given to Toni shortly before I died. I rummaged around in the jewelry section of the makeup kit and found the matching charm bracelet I had given her and put it on around my wrist.

I left the supplies in the bathroom and walked back to the bed. "How do I look, mom?"

"Just fantastic, sweetie. Now go over to that window and give them something for the late news!"

I walked over to the window and looked out on the crowd on the other side of the street. It looked like my room was on the front side of the hospital on the second floor. A large crowd was behind some barricades across the street. Signs hanging from the barricades said "Get Well Soon, Toni!" Someone in the crowd looked up and pointed toward me. Every eye in the crowd was on me and many hands were waving hello within seconds. A huge cheer went up from the waiting crowd as I waved back. I smiled as several people took pictures and at least five people shot video. I was certain that I would see some of that on the evening news tonight.

I stayed at the window a few minutes more waving to the crowd below. I heard another knock on the door. "Come in!" I turned around to see Tyler again.

"I have a press conference all set for tomorrow, Toni. It will be held just before you leave. I see you've already leaked word to your fans."

"Are you mad at me, Tyler?"

"No, when word gets out that you've been seen and looking well there will be more press than ever at the briefing. Every one of them will want to ask questions about what happened. Think you can handle it?"

"I'll just tell them the truth. My memory of it is gone. I don’t remember a thing. It's like it never happened to me. All I know is what I've seen in the video on TV."

"I hope that's enough for them."

"It will have to be enough, Tyler."

Tyler nodded and smiled as he left the room leaving me to look back out the window at the growing mass of fans below. I waved goodbye and returned to the chair at the foot of the bed.

The television was still on. One of the local stations had a live truck outside and when their reporter came on live I watched for a few seconds then went over to the window again. The crowd looked up at me waving in the window and the picture from the live camera followed. I waved again to the fans below and to everyone watching on TV. I was satisfied for the moment that the world knew that Toni Baker was still alive. I wasn’t the Toni Baker everyone knew, I only looked like her.

A shudder ran through me as I remembered how terrified I was each time I went on stage as Bear. I never told Toni what I really felt. I had serious doubts that I could pull off impersonating Toni on stage even if I did live in her body now. I walked back over to the bed and buried my face in the pillow. As the tears started to flow again I silently cursed the wild swings of emotion and the intensity of those emotions that I was feeling in Toni’s body. I wondered how she ever endured all the turmoil that her biology forced on her.

Katie walked over to the bed and began to rub my back. "What’s wrong now, honey?"

I curled up into a ball on my side facing the window. "I was just thinking about losing Bear again, mom. It’s almost too much. On top of that I’m even more scared of performing now than I was before. It's like I'm performing in the Carrier Dome all over again and I know I'll have to do it all alone this time. Bear won't be there." The tears flowed heavier now than before as I realized just how much I really missed Toni.

"Recover first, Toni, then think about your future. You have more than enough money that you’ll never have to work again. If you don’t want to go back to singing then don’t. It’s as simple as that. You can still record but you don’t have to tour again. And there’s movies and television. You know that Tyler has been holding scripts for you to read."

"I don't know right now, mom. I just want to go home. So much has happened in such a short time. I need time to sort it all out. People will have to give me the time I need or I swear I'll quit the music business right now."

"I think you need to have this conversation with Tyler too. He's under a lot of pressure from the record company and everyone else that wants to know about your future."

"Let me think overnight, mom. I feel tired right now and I think I'll try to get some sleep."

"Ok, honey. Is there anything you need before I leave for the night?"

"Yes but there isn't anyone or anything that could bring Bear back. I'll be ok, mom. Go home and get some sleep yourself." I sat up on the bed and hugged her very tightly then kissed her on the cheek. She looked at me with a puzzled expression then shrugged.

"I'll be back in the morning, honey. Goodnight." She returned the hug and kiss then left the room.

I really was telling Katie the truth when I said I was getting tired. I was a bundle of raw nerves about ready to short out during the last few hours. I decided to get ready and try to get some sleep. The first step was to clear all of the clothes off the bed. I rounded up the clothes stuffing them back in the bags. I left out a modest teddy set that Katie brought since there didn't seem to be anything else suitable for sleeping. I wasn't about to wear the drafty hospital gown again. That left much more showing than the teddy did.

I made another bathroom trip and changed into the teddy. I wore only the matching panties leaving my breasts unsupported. I felt them gently swaying on my chest as I walked back to the bed. My nipples got hard as they rubbed against the silky teddy top. A warm feeling developed in my tummy as my mind drifted back to the feelings of earlier this afternoon when I imagined the doctor and I together. My body demanded satisfaction and I knew that I had only a single way to satisfy my increasing need. I got back in the bed and covered up with the blankets. I hesitantly massaged myself into the first of several mind-numbing orgasms. My urges were satisfied and I drifted off to sleep.

I woke again in the middle of the night. I made yet another bathroom trip since it seemed that my bladder was much smaller in this body. I cleaned up then headed back to the bed. I tossed and turned for almost an hour then decided to turn on the television keeping the volume very low so as not to disturb other people.

As I flipped around the channels, I stopped on MTV when I saw my old face on the screen. It turned out to be a memorial announcement. MTV was re-running the first Toni Baker special as a tribute to Bear Thompson. I had, by sheer luck, caught the introduction to the show. I settled back in the bed and turned up the volume slightly.

I watched as we stepped out of the column fog and started to sing. This time I paid more attention to Toni's performance than mine. I found myself quietly singing along with each of the songs in perfect time with Toni's on-screen performance. I discovered that part of Toni's gift to me was her uncanny musical abilities. Before I could hear all the nuisances of the music, now I felt them inside as well. As the segment we did together ended, I sat up on the edge of the bed waiting for Toni's solo segment to start.

As her performance started I stood up and tried to imitate her moves. I shocked myself with how easy it was to duplicate what I saw her do on the screen. It appeared that Toni had also passed along her dancing skills as part of the package too. I knew then that I would not make a fool of myself or of Toni's public image any time I went onstage. The question now is do I have the 'guts' to do it?

I watched the rest of the show marveling at the apparent ease of Toni's performance. I knew from experience that she put much more time into those flawless moves than anyone would ever know. Normally each new tune and dance routine was practiced for weeks before it was introduced in a public performance.

I learned that I possessed Toni's musical and physical skills but did I have the soul to handle her music. The one thing Toni taught me was that her music came from a place deep inside her. With her help, I realized that my music and audio skills came from a place deep within me too. I knew the music I would now perform and maybe even create would be different from Toni's. Would her fans accept that change or would I just wind up another singer on the bottom of the Top 100 charts trying to hold onto a career in the business?

I had absolutely no clue about what to do next. I knew the rest of Toni's future lay before me. While Toni had set the foundation, the future would be my own to determine. Would it be music, movies, television, producing or any number of other possibilities? I felt tired again and climbed back into bed as the special ended. I turned off the TV and drifted off to sleep again.

I woke up in the morning feeling rested. I remembered dreaming of that first performance in Syracuse at the Dome, both of them in fact and from Toni's viewpoint this time. I experienced her terror as our performance started and her building confidence during the first show of the night. A few minutes into her solo performance any trace of her fear had disappeared as she totally submersed herself in the show. Two hours later I experienced the incredible high she felt as the audience exploded in applause. It was more than enough reward for the hours and hours she spent preparing for the show.

The second show had gone even better than the first especially since, as Bear, I appeared to her to be a permanent part of the act. She put everything she had into that last performance then found a bit more to add to the one hundred and ten percent she had given already. As the last show of that memorable night ended the high she felt was unlike anything she had ever felt before. It was followed very quickly by a feeling of total energy drain in every cell of her body. That explained why I had to carry her into the house that night. While she may have been completely drained of energy, the high from the performance seemed to be a worthwhile trade-off. I had only to commit to going back onstage if I wanted to experience that directly for myself.

I shook off the last of the mental cobwebs then set about my morning ritual and dressed in the blouse and jeans I had selected last night. The morning flew by with visits from the doctor and several nurses. A few of the nursing staff dropped in to get autographs and have a picture or two taken with me.

Tyler and Katie returned mid-morning. Tyler reminded me that a small press conference was arranged for when I was released and that I should count on making an appearance and possibly answering a few questions from the press. I reluctantly agreed and resumed the barrage of final examinations that were required before the hospital would let me leave.

I must have passed the tests because just before noontime a nurse brought a wheelchair into my room with some paperwork.

"Well, we’re ready to kick you out of here. We can’t find anything else wrong to overcharge you for so they told me to give you the boot." She giggled a bit and smiled. "Just sign these and you’re outta here."

"Thanks. I’m definitely ready to go home." I signed the paperwork in several spots and handed it back to the nurse. I got copies back that I stuffed in my purse, now that I had one. It seemed strange to have to remember to take it with me. I was always used to having pockets in my clothes. At least with pockets wherever I went my things went with me. The clothes I wore now only had very small pockets or none at all.

The nurse motioned for me to sit in the wheelchair and shrugged when I looked at her. "Standard procedure, sorry. I guess they don’t want anyone to get hurt on the way out of here. I don’t understand it either but it’s the rule."

I parked myself in the chair as Tyler held the door open. As we entered the hallway I saw the hall lined with the hospital staff and security people. I hadn’t realized the extra precautions they had taken in preventing the fans from trying to get in to see me. There were almost as many security guards as there were normal hospital folks. I waved to everyone as I was wheeled down the hall to the elevator. We paused only long enough for the elevator to come to our floor and the doors to open.

As the doors closed Tyler spoke up. "Get ready, Toni. The press should be waiting in the lobby. Want to ride out or walk?"

"I’ll walk if you don’t mind." The nurse started to protest but I stood up anyway and thanked her for her help. She folded the chair so it wasn’t visible in the corner of the elevator. The elevator came to a stop and the doors opened. I waved to the nurse and walked out of the elevator into the blinding glare of TV lights and flash units. The reporters started shouting questions as I stepped out of the elevator. Tyler got control of the media and made a short introduction explaining that I would have a short comment then take a very few questions then turned the podium over to me.

"First, thanks to the many police, fire department and ambulance people that tended to my injuries so quickly and got me here in time. Without them I wouldn’t be standing before you today." A small round of applause went up from the reporters. I continued as it quieted down. "And thanks to the hospital staff for making my stay a pleasant one. And last but certainly not least, thanks to the many fans that stayed outside awaiting news of my condition."

"Like you, I will miss Bear Thompson for the rest of my life. I want to announce now that his burial services will be next weekend in his hometown. He will be buried next to his mother and father who were killed years ago in a car accident. That was his request and it will be honored. I’ll now take a few questions."

The roar was almost deafening until I held up my hand and pointed at a woman who had quietly raised her hand a few rows back. "Diane Richter, Hollywood This Week. Miss Baker, when will you return to performing and will there be any changes in your show?"

"As for when I’ll be on the stage again, I don’t exactly know. I need to recover from the injury a bit more. When I’m physically recovered to be able to stand up to the pressures of a road trip, I’ll make a decision then. Changes? Yes there will certainly be changes. The biggest is that Bear won’t open the shows any more. Other than that everything is yet to be determined." I pointed at another woman standing next to one of the TV cameras.

"Miss Baker, Bette Robinson, WTGX News, Will you be attending Mister Thompson’s funeral?"

"Yes, I will. Next question?" I picked out a man this time. He holding a note pad.

"Adam Wilson, The Chronicle, Is it true your father had Quentin West attempt to kill you?"

"I haven’t heard anything about that Mister Wilson. Sorry. Next and final question?" I picked one more man that was also standing next to a TV camera.

"Brian Spalding, WRTG News, What exactly was the nature of your injuries, Miss Baker?"

I pulled back the collar on my blouse as the flash units on the still cameras came alive again. "The wound is a small one and will easily heal. It nicked an artery and I lost a lot of blood. I have amnesia concerning the incident but otherwise I’m fine. Thanks for coming today ladies and gentlemen. I have to leave now so the hospital can get back to normal." I waved again to the cameras as the reporters tried to shout additional questions. The security folks had cleared a path out of the hospital for me to a waiting limousine. Tyler and Katie followed carrying the bags with my clothes. We all got in and the limo pulled off with the reporters still trying to ask questions.

As we drove through city traffic at least three motorcycles trailed us carrying two people each. Tyler was right, the paparazzi were out in force today. It would look like a diversion was very much needed if I was to slip away quietly to go home to upstate New York. The motorcycles darted in and out of traffic in an effort to keep up with the limo. They also pulled along side trying to take pictures but the heavily tinted windows ruined their attempts.

The limo pulled into the driveway at Katie’s house. There was no gate or long driveway to conceal our exit from the limo since the house was located in a reasonably normal residential area on the west side of the city. The motorcycles screeched to a stop on the street. The photographers jumped off and started to snap pictures standing in the street. I knew from previous travel with Toni that they weren’t permitted on private property and that started at the curb in front of the house. I ignored the snapping of the cameras and walked up to the front door. I remembered that Toni carried a key in her purse so I fumbled a bit to find it as Tyler and Katie lugged the bags up to the porch.

I managed to get the door open and ducked inside out of the line of sight from the cameras clicking away on the street. I tossed my purse on the table by the door and walked into the living room. I slumped down on the couch.

"Am I ever glad that’s over. I felt like I was in a fish bowl and the world was looking at me like I was going to be their supper."

"Better get used to it, Toni." Tyler had entered the room and set the bags down on the floor at the end of the couch. He sat down on the couch next to me. "The whole world knows that you really liked Bear. They want to see how you handle his loss."

"Can I just grieve in private? Does is HAVE to be a public display? Why can’t they leave me alone, Tyler?"

"It’s the price of fame, Toni. Like I said, better get used to it."

"What if I give up performing and just do studio work? It still sells records right?"

"Toni, you know you can’t do that! You have a contract with the record company to keep doing tours as publicity. Stop doing them and you’ll lose the recording deal for certain."

Well, now I knew for certain that no matter what I wanted to do I was locked into those damned stage performances. Like Toni, I was now painted into a corner by my newly acquired fame. I really wanted to just go and hide but the world had other plans for me now.

"All right, Tyler, but I come back on my own terms in my own way. If the company doesn’t like that then it’s all over right now." We spent the next two hours talking over my next show and what I wanted to do in it.

"Well, Toni, I can’t say the company will be a hundred percent thrilled at the idea but it does have merit. Are you really sure you want to do that with ALL the profits from the show?"

"I’m certain, Tyler. It was one of his favorite charities and I can think of no more fitting tribute to him than this. I think the fans will agree."

"All right, I’ll talk to the company and pitch the idea. You’re sure about this? This is your last chance to change your mind."

I thought for only a few seconds. "Go ahead and call them right now. And remind them just how much he did for them if they object." Tyler sighed then got up to make the phone call. Katie took his place on the couch.

"Toni, I think it’s wonderful what you’re doing. I know Bear would have been pleased by it."

"No, mom. Bear would have been terrified by all the attention he would have gotten from this. If he were alive right now he’d be looking for the fastest way to Antarctica possible." I didn't dare add that it was exactly what I was feeling as I spoke. "But Bear is gone and the fans expect something. It’s the only thing I can think of." I hoped I wasn’t digging myself into too deep a hole on this one. If I did it meant the end of Toni Baker’s musical career. On second thought maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing after all.

"Why don’t you go lay down until I can fix supper, honey. What would you like?"

"How about something simple. Hotdogs and some macaroni salad are fine with me. You don’t even have to make the salad, store bought is good enough."

"I thought you hated hot dogs." I shrugged while Katie looked at me for a moment then headed for the kitchen. I headed for Toni’s room on the second floor of the house. Fortunately I had seen her room on previous trips so I knew exactly where it was. I opened the door and walked inside. The room was pretty much like I remembered it. A four poster bed with curtains and bedding in a light green color occupied the longest wall of the room. A makeup table sat beside it loaded with bottles and various powders. The doorway into a large walk-in closet was between the bed and the makeup table. Another doorway on the other side of the makeup table was the bathroom. I walked into the closet turning on the light as I entered. I was amazed at the selection of clothes and shoes available. Katie had even said that most of Toni’s clothes were at the house in New York. The show costumes were in temporary storage until needed.

I felt compelled to search in several boxes stored under a pile of old clothes at the back of the closet. I was rewarded with several small personal diaries. Each was dated for a period in Toni’s life over the past ten years since just before she had started on the kids television show. She had specifically told me to read them so I took them with me back to the bedroom and stretched out on the bed.

In an hour I had read most of the contents of those books. Reading them triggered memories carried in the gift Toni had given me and, for many of the events in those diaries, I experienced them in vivid detail. I felt the joy of Toni’s learning she got the part on the television show, her first date and her first real kiss from a boy. I also lived through the bad times in her life from the start of her periods to the death of her little brother at the hands of her father. I experienced her deepest lows and her highest highs through the memories triggered by the diaries.

I lay on the bed wondering who I really was. I remembered life as Bear Thompson and those memories were just as clear and bright as the vivid memories of Toni Baker. I remembered my childhood as a little boy, my growing up and the loss of my parents. I remembered the past two years with Toni as the best time in my life.

Wave after wave of memories from each of the distinct personalities flooded my brain seeking to be dominant. The flow of memories escalated to the point that I was no longer certain who or what I was. I buried my face in the pillow and screamed as the battle raged inside my head.

I relived the day that Toni's father had come home in a drunken rage and beaten Toni and her mom and little brother. I witnessed first hand the death of Andy (her little brother) as he was being held in their arms. I relived the news that my own mother and father had died in the car crash and the entire year I spent mourning their passing. I relived the start of Toni's periods during an especially bad time during the trial of her father when she was called to testify against him. I experienced the highs and lows of two distinct and very different lives in a very short time.

My emotions swerved violently from total terror, to rivers of tears, then to laughing like a total fool in the space of a few seconds. I had absolutely no control as the emotional roller coaster ride in my head continued onward at a sickening pace. The battle raged until I experienced Toni's final moments of life and then my own one after the other. The pain I felt with each flood of memories was too much to handle and I passed out.

I woke up hearing someone knocking on the bedroom door. "Toni? Are you all right in there?"

I lied feeling deep regret for having to do so. I doubted that Katie would understand. "Sorry, mom. I must have fallen asleep."

"OK, honey, just checking. Supper will be ready in another hour or so. Come down when you're ready." I heard her footsteps fade away down the hallway.

Strangely, the feeling in my head was different now. The two sets of memories no longer seemed at odds with each other. I remembered everything completely and could even sort out who had experienced what memory. Now, instead of two distinct sets of memories and personalities it felt like everything had blended into one big memory and personality. Just how much was Bear and how much was Toni I had no way to guess.

I put the diaries away in the place I had found them and went down to the kitchen. Katie was busy fixing the macaroni salad from scratch. I decided to help and grabbed a package of hamburger meat that was in the refrigerator. I rummaged around in the cupboards until I found the spices and Saltine crackers I was searching for. I located a large bowl and started mixing the meat, crackers and spices together.

"What in the world are you doing, Toni? I thought you wanted hot dogs?"

"I decided to help so I’m making meatloaf burgers. Bear used to love them when I fixed them for him. Do we have any gas in the grill?"

"I guess so, honey. I haven’t used it in so long."

"Ok. Well, I’ll just fry them in a pan. They’re better grilled though. Darn, I forgot to add cottage cheese. Do we have any, mom?"

"No, I had the last of it for breakfast this morning. Since when did YOU start cooking? Will leaving out the cottage cheese be a problem?"

"Since I spent so much time on the road. I started cooking out of self-defense. When I started staying at Bear’s place I got much better at it." I got a pan out of storage and set it on top of the stove and turned the burner on. I put four burgers in the pan and added some salt and pepper to them as they started to sizzle. "Adding the cottage cheese just makes them juicier and adds a little body, that’s all."

"Hmmm… they do smell good. Where did you learn to make these?"

"One of the places I ate at on a road trip. I liked them so much I asked the cook to share the way he made them. I added a few tricks of my own too." I turned the burgers in the pan adding a bit more pepper. Katie turned back to the pan of macaroni removing it from the stove. She took it to the sink and poured the contents of the pan into a strainer. She waited for most of the water to drain away then shook it briefly and rinsed the macaroni under a stream of cold water from the faucet. She paused while the water drained away again then shook the strainer to remove a little more of the cold water.

I watched as she put the now cold macaroni in a bowl and added some chopped hard-boiled egg, some salt and pepper and mayonnaise. I handed her the sweet pickle relish from the fridge and nodded as she added a tablespoon full then mixed it in. I added a bit more of the juice from the relish and stirred a little more. I dropped a bit of the salad into the palm of my hand and tasted it. I smiled and urged her to do the same.

"Wow! I wouldn't think a little sweet relish would make such an improvement. Learned that on the road too didn't you?"

"I learned a lot of things, mom. Cooking was just one of them."

She got a tortured look on her face then broke down in tears. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you, Toni. I did the best I could but my job…"

"I know, mom. It's all right. I really do understand." I hugged her as tightly as I could manage as her tears subsided. I grabbed a tissue and mopped away the ruined mascara and lifted off the fake eyelashes that threatened to fall to the floor. "I know that you couldn't be there for me and I feel guilty because I had to travel so much and couldn't be here to share in your life too." Now it was my turn to cry as the memories flooded my brain again, all the mother-daughter events that they both missed because of commitments.

I held both of her hands and looked into her eyes. I suddenly remembered a memory not my own, something Toni had always wanted to say to her mother. "Mom, we can't change the past but we CAN spend more time together in the future. Will you come stay with me in New York for a few months? And I'll come live with you for a few months too. I know there will be times when our individual work will keep us apart but we can try to be together as much as possible."

"I will, honey. When do you want me to come for a visit?"

"You're welcome any time, mom. I might need a few weeks after I get there to get the place like I want it instead of how Bear liked it. I have some tough decisions on what of his things to keep and what to get rid of. I can't see keeping any of his clothes but the rest of his things carry some meaning for me. It's going to be hard."

"We'll talk about this later tonight. Right now let's get supper finished. Your burgers need to be turned or they'll burn."

I jumped to the stove to turn them again then lowered the heat under the pan. I poked one of the burgers open so I could see in the middle. "I think about five more minutes then we can eat, mom."

"Let me set the table and I'll be ready." She busied herself setting the table as I finished up the burgers.

We must have talked for a couple of hours over that meal. I said many things I know Toni had wanted to say to her mother but never had the chance. Katie and I both immensely enjoyed the time we spent together. Fatigue finally caught up with me and I had to excuse myself and head for my bedroom.

I decided to take a bath and started the water filling the tub in my bathroom. The tub was absolutely huge and had a water jet system. I added some lavender scented bath oil and turned the jets on low to mix in the oil and make some bubbles. I went back into the bedroom and got out of my clothes. I got a towel and headed back to the tub just as it reached the proper level. I shut off the water and eased into the warm inviting water.

I discovered much to my delight that the tub had a jet situated in a very strategic spot and that the jet could be selected independently of the other jets in the tub. I played with the controls until I discovered a pulsing setting that sent my internal pleasure meter off the top end. I endured it until I could take no more and gave in to wave after wave of orgasms. Fortunately the pump timed out and I drifted back to reality a few minutes later.

I glanced down to see my fingers looked like miniature prunes and decided that I had enough. I washed my hair, applied conditioner and rinsed one final time. I used a towel to dry my hair as much possible then wrapped another towel around me and returned to my bedroom. I felt the gentle sway of my hips and breasts as I walked.

I sat down at the makeup table and used the hair dryer to finish my hair then I used the brush and comb to make it shine again. I decided to sleep unencumbered by clothes and slid between the satin sheets after turning out the light. Sleep followed quickly.

I woke up in the morning refreshed and feeling like I could take on the world. I completed my morning rituals and dressed in a halter-top and shorts from Toni's extensive wardrobe. I thought I would be alone this morning since it was a weekday and Katie had to work. I got a pleasant surprise as I entered the kitchen. A lovely aroma of waffles and sausage filled my nose as Katie turned around to greet me. "Good morning, sweetie. I decided to call work and tell them they'd have to get along without me for one more day. Want an egg with your waffle?"

I walked over and hugged her as hard as I could. She returned the hug. "I think I will. How about sunny side up?"

"One sunny side up egg coming up. Go have a seat and get started on the toast and OJ."

I heard the doorbell ring before I could take a seat at the kitchen table. "I'll get it, mom." I looked through the security peephole to see Tyler standing on the porch. I unlatched the deadbolt and opened the door. "Come on in Tyler. I was just about to eat breakfast."

"Thanks, Toni. I decided to come over early this morning so we can get something set up for a diversion. Were you planning on attending Bear's services and burial?"

"Of course. When are they?"

"Whenever we're ready. His wishes were to be buried next to his mother and father. Since we didn't know when or if you'd recover we decided to send his body to a mortuary in his home town. All we need to do is to let them know the date. They'll arrange the rest according to his wishes in his will."

"Can they be ready by this weekend?"

"Of course, Toni."

"I suppose that there isn't much use in setting up a diversion for when I leave here. Everyone knows already that I'll be there. Why don't we set up something for when I'm supposed to leave after the funeral?"

"Sounds good to me. What did you have in mind?"

"Nothing right now, Tyler but can you do me a favor and get in touch with Misty Sorensen for me? She doubled for me during one of the music video shoots. She looks enough like me with a red wig that she could pull off my leaving on a jet as a diversion. If she's available I'd like to have her travel with me to New York on the bus for Bear's funeral. Here's what we'll do…"

Tyler and I talked for almost an hour over breakfast about the details of the diversion. We got everything worked out to our mutual satisfaction and he decided to get busy setting things up including Bear's services.

The phone rang a few hours after Tyler left for the day. I answered. "Hello?"

"This is Misty Sorensen. Is Toni Baker there?"

"Hi Misty, this is Toni. How are you these days?"

"I'm doing fine. I just finished a stunt job a week ago. I heard about what happened to you. Are you all right?"

"I'm doing better, Misty. The reason I had Tyler call you was that I have a little job for you. I need to set up a little diversion and you look very much like me in a red wig and makeup. I remember when you doubled for me in that music video stunt."

"A diversion? What's that all about?"

"Well…." I spent the next half-hour going over the plan and how Misty could help. She agreed to help me and promised to be on board the bus when it left from the house tomorrow. I sighed in relief that she had agreed to help. I don't know what I would have done if she turned down the job.

I used the rest of the day to experiment in my room with clothes and makeup finding that I liked a lot of the looks I could do and hated others. I found my tastes had started to run toward those of Toni, short shorts and halter tops, short skirts and dresses. I considered that in many ways I was taking on the characteristics of Toni Baker when I let the body make the decisions. It seemed to know what was needed to maintain the Toni Baker look. That left me free to work on the Toni Baker attitude and personality. I hoped that I could live up to the expectations of her friends and fans.

I wound up totally drained after nearly four hours of intense dressing and makeup activity. I returned to the clothing I wore in the morning and walked to the kitchen to fix something for supper. Despite wanting to stay home Katie had received an emergency call and was reluctantly forced to go to work to work out some problem with shipping a large order to a customer. That left me alone in the house for the first time since I changed.

I fixed myself some leftover meatloaf burgers and macaroni salad and sat quietly at the kitchen table until the doorbell rang. I looked out the peephole in the door to see Jonah Green, the lead member of Toni's band, standing on the porch. I opened the door and got swept up in a hug and an incredible kiss that melted me to my very toes.

"JONAH! Stop THAT!" was all I could muster when I was able to come up for air.

"Sorry, love, but I'm just so happy to see you up and around. The band thought we'd lost you for sure." He set me back down on the couch in the living room after kicking the door closed behind him.

"Well, I'm doing reasonably well so far, Jonah. It's going to be a while before I'm ready to go on stage again though. I have to take care of a lot of things because of Bear's death. I'm going to upstate New York for his funeral and to recover at the house."

"I thought it was Bear's house?"

"It was until he died. I found out yesterday that he left it to me." Jonah nodded. "He left me everything else too. I'd gladly give it all away if there was any way to bring him back." The tears started to flow again as I thought again about the loss the world would never know, the loss of Toni's beautiful soul to the people of this world.

Jonas pulled me close hugging me in his strong arms. I felt protected and snuggled closer as my tears dried up. "Thanks, Jonas. I think I'll need a lot of those hugs for a while. I feel so alone now that he's gone."

"Toni, you know you can always use my shoulder to cry on. Even my wife, Theona, knows that a willing shoulder and a hug is important to a friend." He lifted my face and gently kissed me on the forehead.

"Thanks, Jonas. You guys up to doing a small gig at the wake for Bear?"

"Just try to keep us away, love. The full treatment?"

"Nope. Let's keep it simple and go all-acoustic for this one as a tribute to Bear. He loved the sound."

"You got it, Toni. When and where?"

"This weekend. I'll have Tyler make the travel arrangements for anyone that's available. I'm going to invite all of the others too. They were as much a part of Bear's family as I was since his real family died."

"I don't think you could keep any of them away either. Is the press going to be there in force?"

"Good question. I don't want it to turn into a media circus but I don't want to deprive Bear's fans from seeing him laid to rest either. I'll talk to Tyler about setting up some type of press pool coverage to keep things reasonable. Either they'll have to go with it or the press won't get anything at all."

"Let me take care of letting the band and everyone else know, Toni. I'll work on arrangements with Tyler so you don't have to worry about us getting there. We'll get all the gear there too."

"Thanks, Jonas. Tell everyone I love them and I'm looking forward to a private gathering at the house a couple of weeks after the wake. I'll know more about what my plans will be then."

"Gotta run, love. Theona has supper waiting for me. If I'm really late I'll never hear the end of it. We'll see you this weekend. Take it easy until then." He kissed me on the forehead again. I responded by kissing him on the cheek and hugging him tightly. He blew me a kiss as he closed the front door.

I went back to the kitchen and finished my supper putting the dishes in the washer then starting it up. I went back to the bedroom and changed into a long pajama top and panties then went into the living room to watch some television. I managed to find a repeat NASCAR race that had been run on that fateful weekend so I curled up on the couch to watch it.

I woke up when someone shook my shoulder. "Toni, wake up honey. You need to get to bed. The bus leaves in the morning." I opened my eyes to see Katie looking at me and smiling. "You haven't looked so at peace since you came home. You feeling better honey?"

"I can't say I like the situation but I'm getting used to it more every day. I'm just starting to put things back together. I think the time in upstate New York will help me put the rest in place."

"Good, sweetie. Hey, since when did you like watching auto racing? Before you said you couldn't stand it."

"Ummm…since I started watching it with Bear. It brought back some happy memories of when we went to an actual race where I sang the national anthem. Bear was in heaven actually being at the race and had quite a good time. He even got to meet some of his favorite drivers. I guess a little of that excitement has worn off on me."

Katie looked intensely at me again then changed the subject. "Well, no more racing for you tonight young lady. It's bedtime. Now march yourself off to the bedroom. I suggest you take a good long soak to relax so you'll be ready in the morning."

"I like the thought of a good soak in the tub with all those bubbles." I remembered the previous tub session where I discovered the water jet system.

She looked at me strangely again. "Hmmm… you used to say it was a waste of time. I guess you really have changed haven't you, honey?"

"I had to, mom, I had to. So much has happened in such a short time that I wasn't given any alternative. It was change or go crazy. Since crazy wasn't an option…"

"…you had to change. I think I understand sweetie. Now scoot to bed. I'll take care of things." She hugged me after pulling me to my feet.

I returned her hug and kissed her on the cheek then headed off to the bedroom. I headed straight for the bathroom to start filling the tub. I headed back into the bedroom to grab a pair of panties from the drawer. As I opened the drawer, I noticed a small wooden box. I lifted the box out of the drawer and opened it to see a foot-long double ended dildo. Now something Toni had told me in one of our very frank "father/daughter" chats came back to me. She had admitted to knowing what it felt like to have a penis inside her but she held to the fact that she hadn't been with any boy or man before. I didn't press her for any details realizing that it was really none of my business. Now I understood what she meant and held the very instrument of her pleasure in my hands.

I wondered if I should explore the use of this device a little more but decided to wait until I had a more private place. I wondered if Toni had placed one of these in her dresser at home then decided to take this one with me just in case. I placed it back in the drawer forgetting all about the panties and headed back to the bathroom just in time to stop the water in the tub.

I dumped a hand full of bubble bath in the tub then started the jets while I undressed. The PJ top and panties went into the hamper. I got into the tub and relaxed in the hot bubbly water. I set my favorite jet in the proper mode then went into orbit for several minutes as the jet pulsed my pleasure meter off the scale. Fortunately, the pump had a timer and it kicked in turning off the jet after about ten minutes. As I drifted back to earth, I decided I could get very used to the pleasures of this body. I was certain that I was going to set up the main tub in the bathroom back home like this one if Toni hadn't done it for me already. As Bear, I seldom used the bathroom in the other rooms. I used the one off my master bedroom instead. I remembered that Toni had complained of a stopped up tub just after deciding to move in and had a plumber make a visit to fix it. I wondered as I soaked just what she had done to the rest of the bathroom too. The guestrooms lacked bathrooms of their own. I couldn’t really get mad at her since she had picked up the bill for the "repairs" saying it was her long hair that had clogged the drain. Funny but we never needed another call to unclog the drain after that first time.

I looked down at my wrinkling finger then decided I had been in long enough. I pulled the stopper out with my toes then stood up to let the water drain away from my body. A quick rinse with the showerhead completed the process. I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around me after drying off. It was then that I remembered that I forgot the panties. I walked back into my bedroom and started to retrieve a pair then decided to sleep without restrictions on my body for one more night. I turned off the room lights then climbed in between the silky smooth sheets. In moments I was sound asleep.

I woke up in the morning with the first light through the window. I felt completely refreshed. If I dreamed at all last night, I couldn't remember any of them. I stretched in bed feeling the gentle caress of the satin sheets on my exposed breasts and backside. I wiggled a little enjoying the feelings my body was sending to my brain. As I glanced at the clock radio on the nightstand, I found that I had almost overslept. Andrea was scheduled to arrive with the bus to begin the trip to New York in about an hour and a half. I sighed then jumped out of bed to complete my now ritual morning routine and got dressed in a nice modest dress that ended about halfway up my thigh. I stepped into three-inch heels marveling at how easily I had learned to walk in these stilts. These would be the clothes I boarded the bus with since I planned to leave through the press blockade from the house.

I headed into the kitchen for breakfast. Katie was there mixing up a bath of waffles. "Good morning, sweetie. All set for the trip today?"

"I suppose. Is the press gathering out there?"

"Are you kidding? I had to run the gauntlet last night. There were at least three crews camped out on the street last night. A few of our 'neighbors' at least got some money for letting a few more crews park their satellite trucks on their lawns. Can't say I'm pleased about it but I applaud their ingenuity."

"There are days like this I wish I was just plain Toni Baker, college student and music major."

"You could always go back to school dear."

"If I bomb in the record business after this maybe I will. Until then, I'm going to try to keep things as they are. The fewer changes I have to make to adjust to the way things are now the better I like it."

"Well, here's your breakfast, honey. A waffle, two sausage links and a sunny side up egg. Want anything else?"

"No, this'll do just fine. We got any orange juice?"

"Sure." She placed a glass of fresh OJ on the table. "I knew you were going to ask."

"How?"

"She's gone isn't she, Bear."

I was quivering inside. I hoped my terror didn't show on the outside. "What are you talking about, mom?" I stuffed a fork full of waffle into my mouth.

"I know, Bear. Remember all those times I looked at you strangely. All the things you did were things Toni would never had done or would have done differently. Besides, the last time she was here she broke down and told me about her dreams. I know it all, Bear. She's gone isn't she?"

I put the fork on the table as a river of tears filled my eyes again. "Yes, Katie, she's gone. I woke up in her body right after the shots hit me. I can't explain how or why, I don't understand it all myself. Only that it was Toni's time and my time hadn't come yet."

"I wasn't completely sure until you put that sunny side up egg on top of the waffle and broke it open to smear it all over. Toni NEVER did that yet I saw you do it exactly the same way several times when I stayed at the house."

"I'm sorry I tried to deceive you, Katie. I never meant to hurt you. I didn't think anyone including you would believe me. What I said a couple of nights ago was what Toni had wanted to say to you for so long. I carry some of her memories with me and some of her deepest regrets. One of them was never being able to spend the time she always wanted to with you. Her career demanded as much of her time as yours did of you."

"Thanks, umm… Toni. I'll start calling you that now so I don't screw up in public. I want you to know that you'll always be my daughter and you're welcome here any time." We held each other and cried for almost half an hour. We were drying our tears as Tyler came into the kitchen.

"I knocked but you didn't answer. I let myself in with the emergency key." He saw our faces. "So what have the two of you been crying about?" I glanced at Katie.

"Remembering Bear, Tyler." That was all Katie had to say. Tyler simply joined us at the kitchen table. We sat and talked for several minutes until Tyler looked at his watch.

"I hate to end this but Andrea will be here in about fifteen minutes with the bus. It's a real circus out there so she can't stay for long. The street is almost blocked already with news vehicles."

"Ok, Tyler. I'll be ready." There was so much I wanted to ask Katie but I couldn't talk in front of Tyler and there was no time anyway. "Mom, we'll continue our talk in New York, right?"

"Sure, sweetie. I'll be out in about two weeks, can you hold on till then?"

"I think so, mom. I'll see you in two weeks. Will you come out to the bus with me in a few minutes?"

"Sure, honey. I'd be glad to." I hugged her then headed toward my bedroom.

I stopped long enough to peek out of the curtains over the front windows. I was amazed at the mass of news vehicles and the mini-city that had sprung up almost overnight on the neighbor's front lawns. The sun was glaring off the lenses of several TV cameras and uncountable still cameras. I gently closed the curtains and proceeded to my room.

I grabbed the bag I had packed just before I went for breakfast. It contained the little wooden box, Toni's previous diaries and several pictures and mementos that triggered special memories as I looked at them. I looked around the room admitting to myself that this would never be my home. Toni's memories were too painful at what had happened in a house not far away from this one. Those memories had come flooding back as I looked at a picture of her and her little brother taken just before the fatal beating in much happier times.

I glanced around the room one final time. My gaze landed on a pair of sunglasses on the makeup table. I put them on to protect my eyes from the glare of the sun and from the prying cameras of a news hungry press. I turned on my heels closing the door behind me. I stood by the front door and nodded to Tyler that I was ready. Katie stood beside me pointing at my purse. I blushed and placed it over my shoulder. I stood straight and tall as Tyler opened the front door. I stepped out to the clatter of camera shutters and the babble of live news reporters on TV and radio.

As I walked toward the waiting bus reporters were yelling questions to the point that all I heard was a loud indecipherable roar. I waved and stepped on board the bus as a reporter shoved a microphone in my face. I politely moved his hand out of the way and continued up the steps. As I reached the top I turned to wave and remained waving as the door closed in front of me. I stepped back to the lounge and dropped onto the couch as Andrea worked the bus out of the cramped space left by all the news trucks.

Within a half an hour we reached the Interstate and headed east toward Syracuse and home. Just as we hit the interstate, I heard a voice from the back of the bus. "All clear to come out, Toni?"

"Sure, Misty. I'm glad you could make it. Come here." I patted the couch beside me. She walked over and got comfortable next to me.

"Tyler told me all about it. You got a real neat plan there. If we pull if off right you can take a bit of a vacation and nobody will know."

"I do need the time alone, Misty. It's been rough so far."

"Hey, remember that I liked Bear a lot too. We even had a date or two you know."

I nodded. "He told me. He liked you too. But you were really to young for him."

"That's what he said. I told him it didn't matter to me and that we should be together. He was the best guy I've ever met. Gentle and very caring about me, not about what he wanted. God, I'll miss him. He was one in a hundred million men."

"Yes he was." We rode in silence for many miles until it was time to stop for lunch. We stopped at one of Toni's favorite places again and were greeted warmly by the staff. The same happened a few hours later when we stopped again for supper.

Andrea continued to drive until she decided to take a break and pulled over into a truck stop. Everyone settled into bed for the night. The only noises to be heard were from the vehicles passing on the road less than a hundred feet away. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep but I just couldn't. I tossed and turned in bed for almost two hours. I gave up and decided to get up for a while. Not wanting to disturb anyone, I went forward to sit down in the driver's seat. I turned on the radio and listened to one of the all-night talk shows.

I heard a soft voice a little while later coming from behind me. "A penny for your thoughts, Bear."

I turned around to see Andrea standing there in her nightie smiling at me.

"But how…" I stuttered.

"Katie. Remember that sometimes while you were off doing other things that Toni confided in me about her dreams too. She talked to me the night before it happened and told me to watch out for you. I wasn't sure until Katie confronted you this morning then came out just before you did to talk to me. How are you holding up?"

"All right I guess, Andrea. It's been so strange that's all. I have no way to describe the feelings and things I've been through the past few days."

"I suspected as much. You secret is as safe with me as it is with Katie. Nobody would believe either of us anyway, hon. From now on I'll never use that name with you again. It's too risky. I want to talk to you more about this but not here. Katie said to keep an eye on you. We both agree that you still need some help."

"Thanks, Andrea. I really mean that. I couldn't sleep so I came up here to listen to the radio."

"You could have turned on the radio in your room and used the headphones you know."

"I know. It just seemed better to do it up here, that's all."

"Want to drive some tomorrow?"

I thought for a moment. "You know I can't! I don't have a license."

"WRONG! Look at the license in your purse, hon. Toni learned how to drive this beast in case of an emergency. She passed her test just before you started to travel with us. She never liked driving and I didn't make her. I suspect some wheel time will do wonders to clear that head of yours so count on driving a shift or three on the way back. You can start pulling your own weight around here little miss."

"Yes, mother." I was grinning from ear to ear at the thought of something, ANYTHING, that I could totally relate to in this new life. At least driving the rig would let me experience one of the things I thought I had lost forever. I looked forward to the morning and my turn at the wheel. I turned off the radio and followed Andrea back to my room. I gave her a big hug and got back in bed. In a very few minutes, I was asleep dreaming of mastering the open road.

Dawn returned a few hours later. The sun very rudely sent a shaft of bright light streaming through the only crack in the curtains over the windows straight onto my face. I opened my eyes and was greeted by the ever-present view of red hair blocking my vision. Somehow by now you would think I would have gotten used to it, first with Toni occasionally sleeping beside me then just a few days ago waking up to find myself in her body.

I brushed my hair out of the way then remembered that I was going to have the chance to drive the bus today. I decided to make the most of the situation so I rocketed out of bed and finished my new morning ritual in near record time. I dressed in a blouse that ended just below my breasts and was tied in a knot leaving my middle bare. A pair of low rider jeans completed the outfit along with a pair of low heeled shoes. I've never seen anyone dressed in high heels drive a bus and reasoned that it just wasn't safe. I combed and brushed my hair until it gleamed then put it up in a single ponytail to keep it out of the way.

I walked to the front of the bus to find that Andrea has already prepared a few bagels in the toaster in the little kitchen. Both Andrea and Misty were setting in the tiny dining nook nibbling at breakfast. I slid in beside Misty and started to load up a bagel half with a big glob of cream cheese.

"TONI! Don't do that! You'll ruin that figure of yours!"

"No I won't, Misty. I'll work it all off later. Just watch me."

"Ok. It's your hardening arteries then."

Somehow I doubted that and proceeded to devour both halves of the bagel washing it down with orange juice. Misty looked me over than shook her head. "No makeup, no fancy hairdo, girl what's gotten into you?"

"I'm traveling incognito. Everyone always expects me to dress up. Dressed like this fewer people will recognize me I hope."

"Let me tell you, Toni, dressed like that you'll be the center of attention of every guy you'll pass. You sure you want that?"

"You know, Misty, there was a time not so long ago when that comment would have really bothered me. Somehow it doesn't any more." I looked over at Andrea as she did one of the most perfect classic spit-takes I've ever seen. She wiped the dribble off her chin and giggled winking an eye at me as I giggled back.

"What's so funny you two?"

"Nothing, Misty, absolutely nothing, just a joke between us two girls. Right, Toni?"

"Right, Andrea." I glanced at my watch and decided to change the subject before things got awkward. "I think we need to get under way. The plan was to get into Syracuse some time after dark, Right?"

Andrea took out the map. "Yup, that was the plan, Toni. There are loads of places we can stop along the way to kill some time so there's no real big rush to get moving." I stomped on her foot under the table. "Hey!"

"Well, I'm driving today. I need the practice if I'm going to keep that license."

"YOU'RE DRIVING, Toni? How…"

"Misty, I learned to drive this thing a few years ago but never did much with the license. Now that Bear isn't here to spell Andrea at the wheel the job falls to me unless you're licensed for this beast?"

"Nope, not me. I can drive stunt cars but this thing is beyond me, Toni."

"Ok then. I'll go make the usual checks and we'll get started. Andrea, will you secure things in here?" She nodded as I grabbed a couple of rags and headed outside.

"Hey, Toni!" I turned around part way out the door. "The lift cylinder is busted on the rear hatch. Be careful. K?" I nodded then continued on out the door.

I made a slow trip around the bus inspecting the state of all of the tires and looking for anything else that might be a problem. The tires all looked good and seemed to be up to proper pressure. I went around to the back of the bus and struggled to lift the hatch that covered the engine compartment. I struggled with it for at least a minute since, in this body, my reduced strength just wasn't enough to overcome gravity with the lift assist system broken.

I heard someone clear his throat behind me. "Umm… need a hand little lady?" From the drawl, I decided that he was probably from Texas or at least the general area. I noticed a huge Stetson hat and cowboy boots as I turned around to face him.

"I sure do. The gas assist cylinder broke a while back and we don't have it fixed yet. Would you mind?"

"No problem, ma'am." He easily lifted the hatch and latched it into place. "There ya go darlin'."

"Thank you. Where are you from anyway? I'll take a guess and say Texas." I dove almost headfirst into the compartment checking the oil and other fluids on the engine. I even popped the air filter cover and checked that for good measure. He watched in silence until I turned around.

"Uh… do you do this stuff for a livin' ma'am? You did that so fast and ever-thing."

"Nope. This isn't my regular job. Just spelling the normal driver today. And please call me Toni. Ma'am sounds so formal. Now, where do you hail from cowboy?" I was looking at his boots as I asked the question.

"You guessed right, ma… uh… Toni. Lubbock, Texas born and raised. All done there?"

"Sure, Tex, buckle her down, please? Say what IS your name anyway?" He dropped the hatch and latched it.

"I'm John Summers but ever-one calls me Bucky. When I'm not wrestling the steering wheel on that beast, I break horses for riding." He pointed to a huge tractor trailer combination parked not far behind the bus.

"Well, Bucky, thanks for the assist. It's been a pleasure to meet you." I extended a greasy hand and he didn't hesitate at all to reach out and shake it. "Headed east?"

"Yup. Gotta load of steel for a new building going up in Albany, New York."

"I'm headed for Syracuse, myself. I have to attend a funeral of a very dear friend then get back to work in a few weeks."

I thought I saw a fleeting glimpse of recognition in his eyes. "Just what is it you do, Toni?" I figured I might as well tell the truth.

"Well, Bucky, I sing for a living." If real life was like a cartoon, a big light would have gone on over his head.

"Wait right there, ok?" I nodded as he took off on a full gallop for the cab of his truck. He was back in moments with a CD case in his hands and a pen. "I thought it was you!" He handed me the CD case. It was Toni's last recording. "Will you sign this? The guys back home are NEVER gonna believe I met you."

"Sure, Bucky." I took the pan and signed the insert - "To my friend Bucky, Thanks for the help on the road, Toni Baker.' and handed the case and pen back to him. As I did, Andrea came around the back of the bus with the Polaroid camera we always carried.

She was smiling from ear to ear and so was Bucky when he saw the camera. "I saw you out the back window."

"Now the guys will HAVE to believe me."

Andrea posed us with Bucky holding up the hatch of the engine compartment while I pretended to fiddle with something inside. She snapped the picture and we waited the required time to make sure it was a good one. Bucky was smiling wider than the Astrodome when he saw it. I winked at Andrea and nodded toward Bucky. She nodded back and got ready with the camera.

"Hey Bucky, catch!" I took a few steps back then charged toward him jumping up into his arms. I threw my hands around his neck and kissed him on the cheek. The look on his face was priceless as he had his arms full of me. Andrea snapped the picture at just the right time. "Umm… Bucky, you can let me down now… Bucky?" I snapped my fingers in front of his face.

He snapped out of his mental overload and gently set me back down on the ground. "Now what was that for?"

"If we posed you would you have been able to have the same expression on your face or the same feelings?"

"Ummm…no."

"Then that why I did what I did, silly!" The light bulb went on again. Andrea handed us the picture. It was clear from his huge smile that Bucky would remember that moment for the rest of his life. "Andrea, would you make a copy of this with the copy stand and give Bucky the original. This is one I have to add to the scrap book." She took the photo and headed back into the bus.

"Thanks, Toni. It's great meeting you. I listen to your music on the road all the time. It's a real shame about Bear. Oh, you're going to his funeral, right?"

I nodded and scuffed the toe of my shoe in the loose dirt at the edge of the asphalt parking area. "Yup. I wish it didn't have to, that would mean he's still alive. I miss him so much."

"We all do, Toni. All your fans miss him too. I remember liking him the first time I saw him on that MTV special of yours. Liked his type of music too. Don't hear the oldies done like that much any more either." Andrea came back with the photo.

"Here ya go, Bucky. We got quite a few miles to cover and I have some stops to make along the way. Maybe we'll see each other on the road. Have a good day and keep the greasy side down, hon." I kissed him on the cheek again. I didn't think he could blush any more than he did when I was in his arms but he proved me wrong. He looked so cute like that.

"Thanks again, Toni." He waved his hat in the air and headed for the dining area inside to have breakfast.

As soon as he was out of hearing range Andrea spoke up. "Toni, you're a terrible tease, you know that? What am I gonna do with you?"

"Just keep an eye on me Andrea. I had to have some fun. Remember that I was with Toni in lots of situations like that. She taught me a lot about keeping the fans happy. He'll remember that for the rest of his life."

"Well I sure will. The look on his face with an arm full of you hugging his neck and kissing him is really priceless. How did you know you could get away with that?"

"I saw his wedding ring. Besides, he acted like a true gentleman when he was helping me with the bus."

Andrea glanced at her watch again. "We really do need to get moving, Toni. Wanna take the wheel?"

"Just try and keep me away!" I followed Andrea to the front of the bus and got back on board.

I dropped into the seat and hit the button to move the seat to the alternate driver settings. Of course, they were for Bear's body not the one I was inside now. The seat was too low and much so far away from everything. I worked with the seat controls until I was comfortable then locked the settings into the system.

I started the bus and looked over the gages as the engine warmed up. "Andrea, did you put fuel in the tank last night?"

"No. We need to fill up before we leave. Pull over to the pumps."

I closed the doors and moved the bus over to the gas pumps. The attendant came over and asked what we needed. I told him to fill the tank and handed him a credit card. He took one look at the name on the card and jolted into action. He must have said something to the other guys at the filling area because soon there were three of them working on the bus. The windows were washed at least twice as the crew stood on the front bumper to get a look at me in the driver's seat. I patiently smiled and waved back.

The first service guy was back again in a few minutes with the credit card and slip for me to sign. Of course, Andrea and fished some handout pictures out of the cabinet and handed three of them to me to sign for the crew. I handed the pictures and signed credit slip to the guy as he smiled from ear to ear. They all waved as we pulled out of the rest area and headed toward Syracuse.

We stopped several times during the day at many of the places Toni always stopped on her way through the area. I was always warmly greeted and had loads of fun at each stop. Everyone always expressed the same concern for Bear's death. They always made a comment that they'd miss his kind of music too. A plan began to form and I scribbled some notes on a napkin to remind myself of several things I wanted to have Tyler do when I saw him again.

We wanted to enter the Syracuse area under the cover of darkness late at night to try to avoid people spotting the bus easily. It was well after midnight when we finally got off the Thruway at exit thirty-five and took a round-about route back to the house.

We pulled into the driveway around two AM and parked the bus next to the house. Minutes later we were inside and getting ready for bed. For the first time since the change, I felt like I was home. I was about to enter my old room when I realized that I should use Toni's room just down the hallway. I made a quick bathroom trip and took a very fast shower.

Unlike the previous days when I was just plain tired, what I felt today was a sort of 'happy' tired. The feeling was hard to explain but I felt very happy to be home again. Thoughts of the upcoming weekend activities started to make their way into my head but I shoved them aside in favor of thoughts of happier times with Toni over the last two years.

I dropped the towel I was wearing on the floor then got into the bed naked. Almost as soon as my head hit the pillow I was asleep.

 

>>>>>To be concluded in Before My Time - Chapter 4<<<<<

 

 

 

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© 2002 by Bob Arnold. All Rights Reserved. These documents (including, without limitation, all articles, text, images, logos, compilation design) may printed for personal use only. No portion of these documents may be stored electronically, distributed electronically, or otherwise made available without express written consent of the copyright holder.