Becoming Faith

by Jennifer White

 

From the day Lucas could first remember, he knew that he wasn't like the other boys. He knew that inside, he was really a girl. As he got older, he was more and more sure of that fact. He should have been a woman, but he grew up as a man instead.

He did things like wearing his sister's clothes, putting on makeup, and trying to make himself pretty. But it was no use. Those things made him feel better for a time, then he'd feel depressed, because he wasn't a *real* girl. He had no desire to be male at all, and wished sometimes that he was dead, because life was so empty for him.

But that was before he discovered the Life Swap program.

 

It seemed to good to be true. He could switch lives with a real woman. He would *become* her, and she would be him. He went to their web site and registered. He had to fill in a lengthy questionnaire, so they had a proper profile for him. Then the requested him to get a fully physical, and mail them the results.

 

A month later, he got a call from Life Swap Inc. (LSI), telling him that a candidate had been found, and he was needed for an interview. He got on a plane the next day, and flew to Baltimore.

LSI operated out of a small, average looking medical office building. Lucas went to the 2nd floor, and walked over to Suite 205. He pushed the button, and was admitted into the room. An efficient woman in a white uniform greeted him, and asked him to follow her to the examining room.

After a short wait, a doctor came in to examine him. A woman doctor, thin, trim, and in her forties. She wore her hair done up tight, and had on glasses, which made her seem smart looking.

"Hello Lucas. I am Dr. Nello. I am one of the cofounders of LSI."

"Nice to meet you doctor" he said, extending a hand out to her.

"I've got your test results here, and it looks like you are in good health. I need to do a examination to verify this. We don't want someone entering this program, if they are in danger of dying soon. Can you imagine how unhappy a client would be if they were put into the body of a person who only had a few months to live?"

"Yes, that makes sense" he replied, as Dr. Nello examined him from head to toe, and compared her results with those of his physical.

"Everything seems to be in good order. Come with me, so I can tell you more about the procedure."

 

Lucas followed her down the hall, to another room, which looked like a comfortable living room. There was even a large screen TV.

"Sit here, and watch this informational video. I'll be back soon" she said.

The TV started to show a picture of a man, who explained the specifics of Life Swap. It turned out that the government had developed a technology to protect the president and other important officials. If there was a threat on their lives, they could be swapped out to another body, where they would be safe. They could do their duties until a safe time to return to their former selves.

However, there was a problem: due to the way the process worked, once two people swapped bodies, they could never do it again. If they tried a second time, they would both die. That meant a swap was a one time only event, and it was permanent.

After the enormous investment in research for the project, the government decided to let private industry use the technology, with a portion of the proceeds going back to the government as a royalty. LSI was formed to help those who wanted a new life, and a new start.

 

Soon, Dr. Nello returned, and explained more.

"You put on your profile that you want to be moved into a female body" she said.

"Yes, that is correct. I've always felt I should have been born female" he replied.

"We get far more men who want to be women, then women who want to be men" she explained. "However, a perfect candidate for you has been found."

"Can I see her? Can I meet her?" said Lucas.

"No. You will never meet her, and after the procedure, you must swear that you will never track down your former self. It gets way too messy, and this agreement is a condition of services. We won't do it, if you don't agree."

"All right, I can live with that" he replied.

He didn't care what she looked like anyway. Just as long as she was female.

"Now both candidates must be of similar age, similar race, and similar health. You and your female counterpart match exceedingly well. We are very confident that you would be able to adjust to her life, given the fact that your psychological profile makes me believe that you really feel feminine inside."

"Exactly!" he said, overjoyed that after all these years, someone finally understood him.

"Very well. Now we have another questionnaire, to make sure of some things. For example, we had a hitman in the witness protection program come in here once, wanting to be put into a different body. Obviously, that would have put the other person in grave danger. But we were lucky, and caught that in time. So we need to be absolutely certain that there will not be a problem. Fill out those forms, then push the button on the table when you're done."

Lucas nodded, and got to work on the endless series of questions before him.

* * *

 

Lucas yawned. These legal matters were very dull and tedious. He could understand how they wanted to protect themselves legally, and make him sign all sorts of waivers, to release LSI from any liability. But there were so many of these stupid legal details! He had to sign this, initial that, and fill in this form in triplicate.

He was very thankful when all that was over. He arranged for payment from his bank account, since insurance would not cover this procedure! Now all that was left, was to do it! Lucas was really nervous as he got into his hospital gown, and laid down on the cart.

They wheeled him down the corridor, and into a room where he was hooked up to a machine which seemed to have a zillions wires, tubes, switches, dials, blinking display screens, and more. He felt buried under all of the gizmos and gadgets they were attaching to him.

Finally, he was done. The doctor who was there smiled, and excused himself. Dr. Nello returned, and double checked everything.

"Alignment is correct" she said. "Sensors are operational. Begin power-on sequence."

There was a louder whir of noise, as the machinery came to life. Lucas was so excited an nervous! In a short matter of time, he was going to be a woman. This is what he had dreamed of all his life!

"Power is on" said the nurse. "All systems are functioning properly."

Dr. Nello worked on the computer, reading the display, and typing something in.

"Begin transfer sequence Alpha Bravo Omega" she said.

Lucas began to feel dizzy, and his vision began to fade. He could hear Dr. Nello's voice.

"Don't worry. Soon you will wake up in your new body.

* * *

 

Lucas opened his eyes. Only, they weren't his eyes anymore. They were *hers*.

"Welcome back" said Dr. Nello. "The transfer was a complete success. You are no longer Lucas. Now, you are Faith."

The staff began to remove the wires and the tubes. They turned the machines off. Bit by bit, Lucas, now in Faith's body, gained control of his senses. It took a while before he could move his arm. Then like a rush, all his body function were at his control. His brain was in Faith's body, and was now connected up fully.

They wheeled the cart back to the room, then undid the straps.

"You can get up now" said Dr. Nello. "Take a look at your new self."

Lucas made his new body sit up. It felt familiar, yet different. Even the first few movements he did, he could feel the lack of anything between his legs. He could feel the weight on his chest. He was so excited to see himself in his new female body! Faith was such a pretty name. He was sure he would be just as pretty.

 

But when he stood up and looked in the mirror, he was in for a shock. Faith was anything *but* pretty, and he was stuck in her body now, forever. Yet, this didn't get him down. He was still elated, because now he was *female*, and Faith's little imperfections could be fixed.

First of all, there was no denying it: he was a fat chick now. Although Faith was a good six inches shorter than he had been, she had to weigh as much or more than he did. Step one: get on a good diet, and get some exercise!

Secondly, Faith was a 'goth'. Her hair was so black, that it had to have been dyed that way. Step 2: get it done blonde! Next, she wore black nail polish, black lipstick, and her skin looked pasty white. Nothing a little sun, some makeup remove, and a trip to the salon couldn't fix.

He also found that his nose was pierced, along with the area just below his lip.

"She must really have hated herself" he said out loud, hearing his female voice for the first time, and drinking in every delicious sound of it.

"I'm afraid so" replied Dr. Nello.

"Can you help me get these piercings out?"

"Gladly!" she replied.

Soon, they were safely removed, and Dr. Nello put in some disinfectant, and a balm to help the areas heel faster, so the holes would go away.

 

"Now you will find that your mind still has some residual memories from Faith's life. When you hear a familiar voice, you might recognize it as her mother's. Or when you see your her car in the parking lot, you will *know* that it is yours. But there will be most of her life which you don't remember, and don't understand. In the next few weeks, you will adjust to being her. I hope this is everything you wanted."

"It is Doctor" said Lucas, giving her a bug hug.

He really wanted to get to his new home, so he could explore his new body in detail. The slit between his legs beckoned him. And he wanted to feel himself all over. He wanted to do certain 'girl' things that society had never allowed him to do. He couldn't wait to shave his legs, put on a dress, and go to the mall. He would go shopping, wear high heels, and everything would be sunshine and lollipops.

* * *

 

But it didn't turn out to be quite like that for Lucas. He had much to learn about being Faith. When he got back to the apartment where she lived....his place now, he went from room to room looking at what she owned. She didn't keep a very feminine place at all. Everything was gloomy and dark. She had books on vampires, an all black wardrobe, and nothing frilly, fun or feminine in sight. Lucas would have to replace it all, to be the girl he wanted to be. But he knew just how much things cost. He looked in the checkbook. No a lot there after paying LSI. He wasn't going to be able to afford more than a trip to the salon for nails and hair.

He went to the bedroom, turned the radio on to a station playing R&B, and he stripped naked. He laid back on the bed with his head propped up, so he could explore his new body. Although far too much overweight, it was still a female body, and he wanted to get to know it.

He touched himself all over. He was too flabby for his liking, but his skin was soft. His boobs were pretty big, but he didn't know how much smaller they'd get if he lost the weight he wanted to. He rubbed them, caressed them, and touched them all over.

Then his hands moved down to the wonderful slit between his legs. He explored inside, and found his clitoris. Then he found his vaginal opening, and wanted to stick his finger down in it. But he was very dry, and it didn't feel good trying to force his finger in. He needed to get wet. He needed to get aroused first.

He thought of women naked, or in sexy clothes. That was what he usually thought of to get aroused. But in this new body, that did nothing for him. He gulped as he realized the truth: he was a woman now, and in order to get aroused, he was going to have to think of *men*.

Even though he had always wanted to be a girl, he thought of himself as lesbian. He got no arousal from seeing the other boys, it was only girls who turned him on. So he assumed that once inside a female body, he could still get aroused by thinking of women. But this body didn't respond to that.

But when he thought of a *man*, now his juices started to flow, and he got all wet. And now he could explore himself inside, and find how to bring himself to arousal. He went slow and took his time, but soon he was feeling wave after wave of female orgasm. It was all that he had dreamed of, and more. But he felt somewhat sick at what he had to do to feel it. He still wanted to be turned on by women.

 

Then there was the matter of work. Faith worked at a record store, earning a decent wage, but not all that great. He was going to need to find a better job. He knew he could do well in sales, perhaps at a department store. In Faith's current condition, looking all spooky and goth, she would frighten the customers away. But with a little hard work, he could make himself presentable. Then he could go get a job. He decided that if he could find a job in a store that sold women's clothes, he could get a discount, and buy more stuff. So that was his long term plan.

* * *

 

The next day at the salon was a dream come true. He got his hair cut into a cute layered style and dyed blonde. He looked *so* much better that way. And he got his nails done, and painted a pretty shade of pink. He walked down the mall to a clothes shop, and bought a couple of cute outfits. First, he selected a pink sweater, and hip hugger jeans. Next, he got a burgundy and white striped shirt, and a green skirt. Finally, he got a lilac cami, and a pair of khaki pants.

Then he went to the jewelry stand, and got his ears pierced. No nose or lip for him! He looked a lot more pretty this way, he decided. He went to the rest room to change into his new pink sweater, then head over to the record store for work.

"Ew, what's with you?" said the goth girl with the short hair.

"What do you mean?" replied Lucas.

"You look all gross like that! How could you dye your hair blonde? You look like some loser cheerleader wanna-be from high school."

Lucas hurt. Very hurt. He started crying. He wasn't prepared for that! Tears gushed out, and he told the girl that he quit, as he stomped out of the store. Great. Now he didn't have a job anymore. And he had lost Faith's friends from work. But they were goths too, and liked her as a goth. He didn't need friends like that. He wanted to be pretty! He wanted to be sexy! He was going to have to lose them anyway.

He got home, and found that the fridge was basically bare. Oh well, he needed to lose weight anyway. He would go to bed without eating, and that would actually help him.

* * *

 

"I'm so fat" he said to himself, as he looked in the mirror. The initial excitement of being a girl was wearing off, and the day to day reality of life had taken it's place. Even as a girl, you still went to sleep. You still got up at night to go pee. You still woke up in the morning, wanting another hour of sleep! You still had to eat. You still had to work. You were still a person, and each day had it's own ups and downs.

Lucas got a job, but not the one he wanted. But he needed *something* for now, so he had to settle on waiting tables. That made it a lot harder for him though, because it is a fact that people, especially men, tip a pretty waitress better than they do an overweight ugly one. He was starting to think of himself as ugly, and he needed to lose weight!

But also, working around food all day made it hard from him *not* to eat. When you're hungry, and you see people eating, and smell everything in the kitchen, well you get pretty hungry yourself. It took all of his willpower not to overeat each day. One time he did eat something, then he felt so ashamed that he went to the rest room, and made himself vomit, so he wouldn't gain weight from the food.

* * *

 

Over the next few months, Lucas was able to move down several dress sizes. But each time he did, that meant buying new clothes, since the old ones didn't fit anymore. After searching and searching, he finally found a clothing store that would hire him. He was much more presentable now than he had been initially as Faith. Most people would say he was just a little overweight, but he still felt really fat.

The clothing store was exciting, because not only did it give him access to a cheaper source of good clothes (they expected their sales associates to dress in clothes the store sold too), but it also meant that now he was hanging out with lots of other girls who *were* interested in looking pretty, wearing fashionable clothes, makeup, and sexy shoes. They taught him a lot, and he just absolutely loved his work.

He continued his strict diet program, keeping to one meal a day. Sometimes, it was just a bowl of dry cereal (the 'Lite' brand, of course). Some days it was just a plain salad for dinner, with no cheese, no dressing, and of course no croutons. Along with drinking lots of water, and walking around the neighborhood, he was loosing more and more weight.

 

One day Lucas had a small triumph: he was able to fit into the cool new tops that came out only in the 'Juniors' section. It wasn't *too* tight, and it looked really good on his more slender body. He hated the folds of skin underneath though, a reminder of how fat he was in the past. And he was still fat now, although all of his friends always denied it.

"Oh come on, you're as skinny as any of us!" said Kathy.

"One drink won't hurt you, why not cut loose?" asked Cindi.

"Because, I'll get fatter. I need to lose another ten pounds. Then I'll think about having a drink" he replied.

 

Little did he realize it, but Lucas had fallen into the same trap that some girls do: no matter how thin he got to be, it wasn't as thin as his ideal self image. He felt fat, so he was fat. And so he slowed down his eating even more, since it was getting more and more difficult to lose *any* weight now.

As a man, he had dropped weight in a flash, no problem. But as a woman, it took twice as much work to lose half as much weight. But he was determined. He would get through it, and become the slim girl he wanted to be. He would stick to half a salad that night. Yes, *that* was the answer.

* * *

 

"Aren't you coming to lunch with us?" asked Cindi.

"Not today, sorry" replied Lucas.

"Don't you ever eat? You're all skin and bones!" said Ashley, who just hired on in the store.

"Oh, you're just being nice, saying that" said Lucas. "I'll pass for today."

But Ashley was right; Lucas was now so thin that his elbows made his arms look like toothpicks. He had been Faith for a year and a half now, and he had been steadily losing weight ever since the first day. But not anymore. No matter what he did, he could not lose any more weight.

He ate even less now, sometimes skipping meals all together for days at a time. He was deathly afraid that if he ate even one little thing, he would balloon up again. You could see his ribs through his skin, but he didn't feel like he was thin yet.

He started to take out shirts from a box, fold the, and place them on the shelves. He could do this while the others were out eating lunch, getting fatter.

"Faith?" said Carol, the store manager.

"Yes?" replied Lucas.

"We need to talk. Can you come with me please?"

"Sure" he replied.

He followed her to her office in the back, and sat down.

"Faith, you have been a great saleswoman for us, and you are a great person. But I have to tell you, I'm starting to get complaints about you, and we really need to talk about this."

"What? What's the matter?" replied Lucas, not sure why anyone would complain about him.

"It's your appearance Faith. You're so thin! You're all skin and bones. You don't look healthy. I've had customers ask me if you're sick, or if you have some disease. I can't have you scaring off the customers honey."

"But I'm not bad! I don't understand!"

"Faith, when was the last time you are?"

"Yesterday."

"And what did you have?"

"Half a bowl of celery."

"That's all? No dip."

"No, that's it."

"Look sweetie. You need to eat more. You have an eating disorder. You're anorexic. And you need help."

"I don't need any help! I'm just fine!" protested Lucas.

"No. I'm giving you a choice here. Either you go seek concealing, or I'm going to have to take you off the rotation. It is store policy that you have to keep a professional appearance up. You look sickly, and you're scaring off customers. So get help, and I'll put you on paid leave. Or go home, and find another job."

It was a slap in the face that Lucas hadn't expected. How could they want to get rid of him, just because he was thin?

"Just come here Faith. Look at yourself in the mirror."

Lucas stood up, and looked in the mirror. And something strange happened.

 

Inside, bit by bit, every day, Lucas had become more and more used to being Faith. He was used to being a woman. That was his life now, and all that he knew. He thought like a girl. He felt like a girl. He got over his initial revulsion towards being attracted to men. He lived like a girl. He *was* a girl.

But for the one moment, as he saw himself in the mirror, he saw through his old eyes. Through male eyes. And he didn't like what he saw. He saw a fact that was gaunt, from being so skinny. He saw thin arms, so thin that they looked fragile. He *was* all skin and bones. He *was* sick looking.

"I need help" he whispered.

"I'm so glad you're willing to try" said Carol.

* * *

 

Lucas was checked into a hospital, where he started to receive mental health care. It would take a long time, and be a difficult path, but he would eventually learn to like his body for what it was, and to like himself, whether he was thin or fat.

But it wasn't until one of the sessions that he had a breakthrough, when things really started to change. In that session, he realized something: although he had always felt that he was a woman inside, and although he had lived in a female body for the past year and half, he had never fully accepted his new self. There was this minute part of him, that still though of 'himself' as 'Lucas'. There was still a part inside that had resisted becoming Faith.

And it was then, that he realized what he had to do. In order to be comfortable in his own skin, he needed to accept fully, that he now was a woman. He needed to let go the ties to the past, to Lucas, and to manhood. Only then could he make progress.

 

After that flash of insight, Faith began to finally accept herself. And once she did, wonderful things happened for her. She slowly started to eat again, under medical supervision. She kept on a healthy diet, yet one where she could gain the weight she needed to.

And once she brought her body back to the point where it should have been, she started doing so much better. She got a steady boyfriend, and their romance turned more and more serious. For the first time since becoming a woman, Faith took a man to bed.

Her career in sales was doing great, and Carol recommended her for promotion to manager. Everything started to fall into place for her. She was a beautiful young woman, with a bright future ahead. And now that she had fully accepted her femininity, she was able to finally love herself, and grow as a person.

* * *

 

Today, Faith is the manager for the store where she started to work. She is currently on maternity leave. She married Kevin, and within six months, she got pregnant. She looks forward to returning to work, but raising her baby will be the most important thing in her life. Most importantly, she has what she always wanted: true happiness, and a fulfilling life as a woman. It's not all sunshine and lollipops, but it as close as a girl can come to it!

 

-----------------------------

Note: the technology in this story is fictional, but the eating disorder is not. These disorders effect women at a much higher rate than men. Society's demands on how a woman should look do not help with our self image either. If you know anyone who has an eating disorder, you will know that it isn't as easy as a story to correct the problem. But because it effects women more than men, you should be aware of it, and recognize the signs, so you can get help if you need it.

  

  

  

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