Bambi: A Tragedy

by Minty Fresh

(Part III)

 

THIRTEEN

They went to bed early that night. Snuggled up together they talked intimately for some time. Bambi wanted to talk about his life: Everything he had done, had known, had experienced. Lisa listened attentively, saying little, but always drawing him closer to her, until eventually, he was asleep in her arms. She spent a long time awake that night, contemplating the fact that there was now no going back; she would have to live by her convictions, no matter where they took her.

She was awoken early in the morning by Bambi tugging at her sleeve. The sun had barely risen and she was reluctant to move.

"What time is it?" she mumbled grumpily.

"Half past six. Come on sleepyhead."

"Go back to sleep."

"It's time to get up" said Bambi, trying to pull her out of bed, "we've got lots to do."

Lisa looked at Bambi for the first time this morning and was surprised to see a fresh coat of make up on his face. She smelt the perfume he'd bought yesterday and looking down, saw the same old pair of heels on his feet. She found that hard to understand. How long had he been up anyway? "Let me sleep Bambi" she moaned, "I've got a full days work today."

"Work?" said Bambi, shocked. "I thought you were going to help me rescue my friends."

"I've still got to work Bambi" she said, "How do you think I pay for this house?"

"But you already have the house" tittered Bambi.

Lisa groaned and, realising she was going to have to explain a great deal, lifted herself out of bed. "Would you make me a coffee baby" she said, "then I'll explain it to you."

So, Bambi found himself alone all day once more. Lisa was apologetic about it and privately, worried about what state he might get into. She found some old political leaflets she had hidden round the house; from protest movements, banned organizations and the like. Hopefully, this would give him something to think about besides himself. Bambi read each of these manifestoes, not really understanding them, but agreeing with every word. They said they wanted justice, so maybe they would help.

Lisa returned with bags of clothes. Just one dark suit, flat shoes and plain underwear.

"It's all I can afford baby" she said, "you spent an awful lot yesterday."

Bambi felt a mixture of excitement and distaste as he stepped into the big pants and, of all things, socks. The vest and suit he wore over his bra seemed plain and ill fitting, the trousers coarse and uncomfortable. He didn't like them at all but, in a heroic spirit of stoicism, decided to make an effort and put up with it. The shoes were the most difficult thing to get used to. Bambi had spent almost all his life in heels and was in the habit of walking on his toes even when barefoot. Standing in them for the first time, he set his heels awkwardly on the floor and shuffled around uncomfortably.

"What do you think?" asked Lisa

"I don't know… It's a bit…" Bambi began to stomp up and down in an exaggerated manner, as if he were crushing tin cans.

Lisa giggled at him; it was strange to see him clown around. "What about the clothes?" she said.

Rubbing the lapels of his jacket, he said "I guess they'll do. They're like yours."

"But you don't like them."

Bambi paused a moment. "I think they're horrible."

"Ok" said Lisa, laughing.

"Can I go out now?"

"Soon honey" answered Lisa, "there's just one thing."

"What?"

"Your hair baby. Women don't have hair that long; you'll have to cut it."

Bambi was shocked. "You mean like yours!" he said, disbelieving.

"Something like this, baby. You'll never pass as a woman otherwise."

"No!" he shouted

"Bambi. You've got to."

"No!" He started to back away from her.

"Bambi"

"You're not cutting my hair!" he screamed. He had backed himself into a corner and was holding his mane of hair with both hands, staring at her with a mixture of fear and contempt. Lisa approached him slowly.

"It's ok Bambi" she said softly, "I won't cut your hair." He relaxed a little but continued to stare at her distrustfully. "If you really don't want to, we'll find a way round it."

"How?" he pouted.

"Hold on a minute" said Lisa, struck by an idea. She walked to the wardrobe and pulled out a bowler hat. "Here, she said, holding it up. "We can tie your hair up and hide it inside this."

Bambi relaxed and walked forward out of his corner. He took the hat from Lisa and tried it on. Holding the rim with both hands, he walked over to the mirror and posed in it, wriggling about and playing with the idea of wearing it. Giggling, he said "It looks silly."

"It'll work though" said Lisa, "let's put your hair up and try it that way. Then we can go out."

Bambi's hair was awfully thick and long. It took a lot of effort to compress and hold it on top of his head. Without any purpose built hair clips and the like, they were forced to improvise.

"It hurts!" complained Bambi

"It's only for today baby" said Lisa, putting the hat back on his head, "we'll get some proper stuff to hold it in place later." Bambi looked annoyed. Something like a growl came from his throat. "I just want to take you out baby" Lisa continued, "It's not good for you to be cooped up in here. Besides, the sooner you get confident in your new identity, the sooner we can get to work."

"You mean my friends?"

"Yeah babe, there are like minded people out there; we just have to find them."

"Where are we going?"

"Just round the block for now. So you can get used to it."

Lisa had Bambi walk up and down the room for her, persuading him to open up his stride and to let his arms swing freely from the shoulders. It was a fine line between mimicry and exaggeration for him; Lisa found herself laughing as he imitated the self important swagger of the rich and powerful. Eventually they left the flat.

"Remember" said Lisa, as they walked down the stairs, "Just look straight ahead. No-one will notice you if you don't draw attention to yourself."

I don't want people to notice me, he told himself. Bambi wasn't sure he liked the idea, but he saw the wisdom in it.

 

FOURTEEN

It was a late summers evening and the streets bustled with people drinking, chatting, relaxing after work. Bambi walked out into the cornucopia of sights, sounds and smells with a deep breath of amazement. He hesitated in the doorway and Lisa had to ask him if he was alright. "Yes" he said, steeling himself, before stepping out into the world. Lisa's neighbourhood was utterly unlike anything he'd ever seen before. The place was anarchic – too much of a muchness. He couldn't keep up. His eyes shot eagerly from one person to the next; the street vendors shouting for trade, the drinkers congregated in noisy circles, the children running all around; Bambi was only a joy's distance from panic. Lisa noticed how he was acting – as if he were a child at a carnival, but couldn't imagine the fear incessantly present in the back of his mind, like a stone in ones shoe. Bambi tried to take her hand.

"You can't do that baby; it'll draw attention to us."

He looked at her, wild eyed and grinning. Then he pointed and exclaimed "What's that!"

It was a telephone box. "Please" said Lisa, putting her hand on his shoulder, "try and stay calm. Think of it like a show, we walk around soaking it all in. Don't stare, don't point, just be inconspicuous."

But Bambi wasn't listening; he'd just seen his first skateboarder. The girl weaved in and out of two pedestrians then pulled an 'ollie' as she jumped off the pavement. Delighted, Bambi bloke into a round of applause.

"Stop it!" exclaimed Lisa, grabbing his arm and pulling. "What have I just told you?"

Bambi looked at her blankly. "But it was really good."

"Do you see anyone else applauding? We're trying to blend in." Bambi's lip was quivering. He was panicked and about to cry. They stopped and Lisa noticed him standing on the balls of his feet, rubbing his legs together. She pulled him down a back alley. "This is too much for you, isn't it?" she said when they were alone.

"No" said Bambi determinedly "I can manage."

"You weren't managing then."

Bambi looked down, pouting. He did the thing with his legs again. "Let me try again."

"You'll keep calm?"

"Yes."

"Promise?"
"Yes"

"Ok. Remember to walk like I showed you."

They walked back onto the street. Bambi kept himself under control, striding purposefully without looking around him. His face was so grave, it might have cracked. Lisa watched him from the corner of her eye with a wry smile on her face. He was really trying, bless him.

Bambi's eyes were drawn to a figure, covered from head to toe in a grey sheet, with only a slit cut for the eyes. Its hands protruded from a hole in the front and they were bound together. Tied to the binds was a leash, with which a smartly dressed woman was leading it down the street. Bambi let out a little gasp.

"Is that…"

"Yes, it's a man, baby. Don't let it upset you."

"We've got to do something."

"We will baby. I promise."

Bambi bit her lip as the figure walked by, and a tear came to his eye. He wiped it off and promised himself he would manage in this world, strange though it was.

"Let's stop and have a look at this" said Lisa, "It'll take your mind off things."

A busker was juggling flaming clubs before a small crowd. Over and over they went, until catching them all in one hand, she spat out a mouthful of paraffin over them, sending a ball of flame shooting into the air. Bambi let out a gasp of amazement and seeing all those around him burst into applause, joined in enthusiastically.

"Good, huh?" said Lisa.

"Wonderful!" he replied. They walked on.

A trader stepped out in front of them brandishing a pair of trousers. "Something for the weekend madam?" She was talking to Bambi. Lisa tried to step in.

"No thanks mate, not today."

The woman ignored her. "Great bargain, just in today. A tenner each. Come have a look."

Bambi followed the stranger's hand to look at her stall, then turned and said with his sweetest smile: "No thank you ma'am. I'm afraid I spent all our money on groceries just two days ago."

"Our money?"

"Yes" said Bambi, leaning forward to whisper, "She's still very angry with me."

"Really?" she replied conspiratorially, "Perhaps you'd like to have a look out back. I've some saucy little things you two might like."

"I'd love to but, like I say, I've thrown all our money away. I'm sooo sorry. Maybe next week? What's your name?"

"Agnes" she replied.

"How about next Tuesday? Six o'clock?"

"I'm always here love."

"Well goodbye then." He gave Agnes a little wave, like he always did when he was out, and only realised his mistake once they'd left. He turned to Lisa, expecting a telling off. To his surprise, she was looking downward, blushing furiously. "What's wrong?" he asked innocently.

"I'll explain later" Lisa muttered. "I think we should go home now."

"But why? Was it the wave?"

"No, that was alright – you got away with that."

"Then what?" Bambi had put his hands on his hips, truculently.

"I'll explain when we get home. Come on."

"No! We've only been out a moment."

"It'll do for today" said Lisa wearily, "we've got plenty of time."

"Can I buy something?" Bambi was thrilled with his encounter.

"Like what?"

"Anything. Whatever we need. Milk. We need some milk."

"Ok baby, there's a shop just by my house."

"I know" said Bambi, feeling proud.

 

FIFTEEN

It was one of those places that somehow sold everything. Not one inch of wall space was wasted. The one small room was broken into three aisles by partitions only the tallest could see over. The proprietor stood solidly behind his counter with one eye permanently on the array of mirrors that allowed him to see every corner of his premises. Bambi strode into this ramshackle den nervous and alone. He'd insisted Lisa waited outside, so keen was he to prove his independence. The confined space cramped the loping gait he'd studiously tried to acquire and he found himself pulling his arms up into the shrewish posture he used to adopt in Catherine's office. He wished he had his handbag. Discomforted by the stern gaze of the owner, he sidled down the narrow aisles singing polite 'excuse me's to the women in his path. He gazed with excited curiosity at the items on the shelves – he wished he could have it all! From the other end of the aisle, he caught the eyes of the owner and blushed with furtive embarrassment; it was like she'd read his thoughts. He made quickly for the fridge and pulled a one litre bottle from within. With growing excitement he strode back to the counter and, with an air of accomplishment, put it down beside the till.

"Good evening" said Bambi.

"One-twenty" said the woman tersely.

"There's two pounds" he said, with a beaming smile, "and keep the change!"

Bambi thought this a wonderful flourish and he walked to the door with a proud swagger. As he made to go through, another person came in. Their eyes met and Bambi froze. He looked at the woman dumbly, the blood draining from his face. In a panic he edged past her and, with his heart pounding in his chest, almost ran over to Lisa.

"Are you alright?" she asked, seeing him.

"Yes" he breathed, fanning himself with his hand. He forced a smile. "I got the milk!"

"Are you sure?" Lisa was looking at him with great concern.

"Yes yes" he said, still fanning himself, and panting from fear. "It was just… you know… with small spaces…"

"Claustrophobia?"

"That's it" said Bambi, "I'll be alright. Can we go home now?"

He grabbed hold of Lisa's arm, to walk with her, but she fended him off. "Not in public Bambi, what have I told you?"

"Sorry" he said, getting all flustered and forgetting himself. He rubbed his legs together, smoothed his clothes, fingered an imaginary handbag and tried to play with the hair that wasn't running down his cheeks.

"We've got to get you home" said Lisa, taking his elbow and moving off as quickly as she dared.

 

SIXTEEN

Bambi was worried and retreated into himself. He'd met the woman in the shop before; she'd to his house, he'd served her. Her name was Lara, or Lana or something. It didn't matter. What should he do? He fretted. Should he tell Lisa? His gut told him that he should but, in truth, he was scared to. How many times had she got angry with him? For things much less serious than this. But this wasn't his fault; how could he have known this would have happened? But it was his fault, because he was the one who insisted on buying the milk, who had wanted to go into the shop alone, who had stopped and stared so that this woman could see for sure who he was. But could she be sure? It had been months since she'd seen him, and besides, he was in disguise! But what if she had? Lisa would be so angry. She'd been furious about the delivery lady. Oh, what should he do?

He was so absorbed in his worries, Bambi barely knew where he was, and Lisa had to steer him through the street door and up the stairs. Inside the flat, she walked him to the sofa and, gripping both his shoulders, virtually put him on the seat. She squatted down in front of him, trying to look him in the eye.

"Bambi… Bambi, look at me." Gradually, he lifted his gaze to hers and gulped. "What's wrong darling?"

Bambi looked into her eyes and detected the signs of anger within. "Nothing" he said, defensively, "it's like I said…"

"Claustrophobia, yes."

"I'm sorry…" Bambi began to cry. His guilt left him paralysed, afraid to do or say anything; to think even.

"It's alright baby, it's alright." Lisa leaned forward and hugged him whilst Bambi put his head on her shoulder. "You've had a trying day. There there. Don't worry everything will be alright tomorrow. There there."

Bambi nodded, allowing himself to believe her. Everything would be alright. He needn't be afraid. He sunk into Lisa's arms, into her love, which blocked out the world, making its horrors unreal and reducing this Lara to the status of a childhood monster; forever hidden in the cupboard or under the bed, but never emerging. By bedtime he had forgotten all about her.

"Lisa."

"Yes baby?"

"I love you."

Lisa rolled over to face Bambi, who was watching her with unusual intentness. "I know baby."

"No, you don't. I… I've never loved anyone before, not really… But you: I'd die if anything happened to you, I'd…"

Lisa embraced him. "I understand baby. I feel the same."

"We'll always be together won't we? Promise me: Always."

"Always baby. Nothing in the world will split us up."

Bambi was crying again. "I've never been so happy!"

 

SEVENTEEN

The police arrived at six in the morning. The first our lovers knew of their presence was the deafening crash that woke them as the metal battering rams smashed the door off its hinges. Huge black armoured figures rushed into the room and dragged them from the bed. They wore masks and visors: No sign of their faces were revealed as they surrounded Lisa and Bambi and dragged them, naked, from their slumber. Lisa screamed and cursed, flailing ineffectually with her fists. Bambi screamed too, helplessly and hopelessly. A leather sack was thrown over his head and pulled down. Straps were pulled tight across him, pinning his arms and then his legs and finally, his neck. Thick gauze ran round the upturned base of the sack, allowing him to breathe but not to see. Through the noise, confusion and suffocating darkness, Bambi could make out the sound of batons thudding into unprotected flesh and Lisa's screams, now broken and pleading. But still they continued; sometimes the thuds were dull, like beating a sack of potatoes, other times the sickening crunch of breaking bones protruded through the cacophony and her moans were lower and, for that, more pained. Bambi wept; he wanted to shout out, to scream for Lisa's sake, but the strap round his neck kept his breath short and his voice constrained. Two policewomen picked him up and carried him, like a roll of carpet, out of the flat. Bambi made one last attempt to scream and passed out.

 

EIGHTEEN

The cell was a cold, dismal box of polished metal. No window broke the featureless expanse of the walls and all the light there was came from the pale halogen strip imbedded into the ceiling. It was a hard, bleak light that cast no shadows. Every sound in here seemed to die a long despairing death whilst the buzz of the air conditioning hung heavy in the air like some monstrous insect.

Bambi sat on the floor in one corner, his knees clutched up to his chest. He shivered, more from the cold than from fear, and sobbed gently. He wore nothing except a crude pink nylon slip which he had to keep pulling down his legs to cover his naked crotch. The garment seemed to be the final insult. A cheap horrid thing, not even fit for animals! His thoughts kept returning to it for he was otherwise numb; he couldn't imagine, dared not to think, what might have happened to Lisa, whilst the responsibility he bore was too large for him to comprehend. He simply wasn't capable of something so horrible! It must be a mistake. It was a mistake – he didn't mean to! But it had happened nonetheless. Bambi looked down and examined his dress again. Beastly thing! Worse than the women's clothes Lisa had made him wear. Lisa. Bambi began sobbing once more; would he ever see her again?

Voices came from outside the door. "Is that the one?"

"Yes." The bolt turned and the door opened. In stepped Catherine, Marian and Simone. They approached him ominously, silent except for their footsteps, before Catherine squatted down beside him.

"Are you alright honey?" Her voice was warm, gentle. Bambi had expected something fierce and violent and looked up with slow surprise.

"Uh-huh?" He was still expecting some traumatic punishment, but found himself hoping, to his great shame, that they would simply forget what had happened and take him home.

"It must have been quite a trauma for you."

Bambi wondered what she could mean. "The… the police were horrible."

"Not the police dolly, the kidnapping. You must have been really scared."

"It wasn't a kidnapping!" he said quickly, "I… She… We went away together."

The three women digested this news with consternation. Catherine's face became hard and distant, as if she were calculating. Bambi glanced around: Marian and Simone stood upright behind her, like sentinels, and regarded Bambi with scorn and disgust.

"I think you've gotten confused" said Catherine, the warmth returning to her face. "Maybe you liked your captor in the end. Lots of hostages fall in love with their captors. It's called Stockholm syndrome. But think back sweetie. When she came to the house and took you, what did you think then?"

For a moment, Bambi thought she had misunderstood him. Then he realised what Catherine wanted. The feeling of responsibility returned to him, but this time it was in front of him; he had a choice. He had to defend Lisa.

"No! It wasn't like that. I wanted to go. Please don't hurt Lisa! She only did what I wanted. If you let her go I'll come back and do whatever you want. I'll be good, I promise!"

Catherine sighed. "I'll see what I can do" she said and turned to leave. No-one said goodbye.

Outside, the three women convened with their lawyer.

"Well" said Catherine, "he's confirming the woman's story. I don't think he'll be persuaded to change it either."

"That's a shame; judges tend to be more lenient if there's complicity on the part of the man."

"I know Bessie, I know. Does he have to speak in court?"

"There's nothing to stop the defence from asking him questions."

"Well suppose he can't answer them?"

"Don't expect too much from that ploy Cathers – it's been pulled too many times before."

"But still, it can't hurt can it?"

The lawyer shrugged her shoulders, then Marian put in: "Does he even have to appear at all?"

"Of course. At the very least as an exhibit. You hardly try someone for theft without showing the court what's been stolen."

"Yes, right. How silly of me."

"Look the case is open and shut. You can be sure this woman's going down for at least twenty years. I'm just here to make that time as long as possible."

"And how do we do that?"

"The way I see it, it's all about value. All those curves, every bit of that body has a dollar value. The greater the value, the stronger the sentence."

"Tell me more" said Catherine.

 

NINETEEN

"Call the defendant to the stand."

"Lisa Johnstone, you are charged with three counts. To the first count, Grand Theft, how do you plead?"

"Not guilty."

"To the second count, improper molestation of the weaker sex, how do you plead?"

"Not guilty."

"And the third, Resisting Arrest?"

"Guilty." This last plea was taken on the advice of her lawyer.

"Very well. The prosecution shall begin its case one o'clock sharp. Court adjourned."

Bambi sat alone in one of the cupboards in the prosecution's case room. It was dark and he was drugged, disorientated, confused. His elbows were bound to the sides of his body and his wrists manacled to the walls of the box. Vaguely, he knew that Lisa was being tried today, but he didn't know what that really meant, or what he was doing here. He hadn't been home yet. He'd stayed in a hospital the past week, whilst they operated. His experience had given him some nasty illnesses, they said, and they had to do a few things as a precaution. Bambi was pretty sure they were lying. The medicines made him sleepy, so that he wouldn't fight. They removed his vocal cords to stop him telling the truth about Lisa. And they dressed him up and chained him in a box… well, he wasn't sure why, but he knew it wasn't good. "Oh God!" he screamed silently; he was alone. His love had been taken away and his mistresses were intent on doing as much harm to her as they could. They'd kill her if they had the chance! Yet they didn't care about him. They didn't even tell him off for running away – they just sent him to a clinic to be "fixed," like one of the boys in that brochure. Oh God! He was one of the boys in that brochure. He wept and wanted to kill himself. But no, Lisa was still alive and he'd do everything he could to save her. He didn't care about anything else. While there was still breath in his body…

The cupboard door opened to reveal Catherine standing with her lawyer, Bessie. "It's time" she said.

They undid the bonds at Bambi's wrists, leaving his elbows tied to his body, and attached a leash to the collar round his neck. They helped him to stand, which he did with great difficulty, tottering helplessly in his impossible seven inch stiletto heels. Catherine gave a tug on his leash and he shuffled forward, his forearms flapping uselessly from his sides, terrified of falling.

The court gasped as one and fell into a hushed silence as 'Exhibit A' was led into the room. He shuffled forward, wide eyed and silent, whilst the entire crowd leaned forward to scrutinise every inch of his body. His hair had been curled and pushed forward into two great bunches at his cheeks and he wore an enormous bonnet far back on his head. The observers gaze was drawn by this to the creature's lifeless but immaculately painted face. His terror was visible only by his eyes and the smallest quivering of the lips. A severe, black leather corset drew his figure down to a fourteen inch waist and pushed his breasts out perpendicularly, making them unnatural and enormous. A girdle did the same thing for his ass and together they forced his body into a painful S-shape. In front his throbbing erection was held out horizontally from his crotch, exaggerated by his costume to an impressive ten inches. His balls were artificially swollen and hung out too, perfumed and prettily decorated. His legs were naked, powdered and perfectly smooth. They ran down and finished in the ankle high stiletto boots he tried vainly to walk in.

Bambi reached the front of the courtroom and Bessie, the prosecutor, addressed Lisa. "Do you recognise the exhibit, Miss Johnstone?"

"His name's Bambi."

"Just answer the question please."

"I do."

"And how did you come to know the exhibit?"

"I met him at my workplace, in the office of Miss Catherine Simmons. I met him twice more at Miss Simmons' house. At my second visit I invited him to live with me, and we left there and then."

"You took him to your home?"

"That's right."

"Did you have sexual relations with him there?"

"I did."

"Excuse me Miss Johnstone, but did you not plead 'Not Guilty' to this offence?"

"I did. I contest it on the grounds that he slept with me of his own free will."

A ripple of laughter ran around the courtroom. Bambi bristled. He tried, he tried with all his might to confirm this, to shout it out for all to hear but he couldn't; he couldn't make a sound. His face was numb and paralysed, his lips frozen into a cute little 'o.' The collar and bonnet braced his neck, keeping his head forward and upright and still. His lips quivered ever more furiously as the case against Lisa built and built. Her words fell on deaf ears and mocking laughter rang round the court as she tried to explain: They were in love, he wanted to leave with her, he wanted to be free. The laughter mocked both of them and Bambi felt on the verge of crying. But he couldn't. No sound would escape his lips, no expression could gain foothold on his face, no tears could wet his eyes. All these had been taken away from him so that he'd make a good show. All just to hurt Lisa! He tried in vain to look at her, but he was stood so she was just out of sight. He could have watched her from the corner of his eye had it not been for the thick curls of hair adorning his cheeks and would have turned his body if it weren't for the surly, intimidating attendant behind him. He gulped, then gulped again.

Suddenly the prosecutor's voice had all the courts attention. "Are you saying, Miss Johnstone, that you are a member of the terrorist organisation, the MLF?"

"No!" said Lisa out of fear, "I didn't say that!"

"Perhaps you would like to qualify your last statement?"

Lisa couldn't. She floundered and dug herself deeper and deeper. Bessie was no fool and enjoyed twisting the knife. Eventually, she addressed the judge. "M'lady, given the nature of the new evidence, I would like to call for an adjournment to reconsider our case. Under section 4.15 of the national security bill we may file additional charges against the accused if they relate to political activities…"

"I know the law Miss Mason. Very well. Court Adjourned."

The attendant tugged on Bambi's leash. As he turned to leave, he caught a glimpse of Lisa. Her face was pockmarked with bruises and her arm was in a sling. She held her head with her one good arm and shook it gently, looking downward. She looked defeated. Bambi stopped to stare at her, shedding imaginary tears for her plight. Then, with a sharp tug and a cuss word, the attendant dragged him away. He would never see her again.

 

TWENTY

"A good day" said Catherine.

"Couldn't have gone better" said Simone.

The five women stood in a circle with their glasses of champagne and gloated.

"A toast" said Marian "to Lara and all she's done for us."

"Hear hear!" they said as one.

"You're too kind" said Lara, blushing slightly.

"Well the political business was a turn up wasn't it?" put in Simone, "I never saw that coming."

"Certainly makes my job easier" said Bessie, "should have thought of it before. They always convict political prisoners, not that there are many these days."

"I thought the MLF were dead"

"They were at one point."

"No matter" said Catherine, "we can rest easy knowing that bitch has been put away for good. She might even get the death sentence now."

"It's possible" said Bessie.

"Here's hoping she does" said Lara, raising her glass once more.

There was a faint knocking from the cupboard. Catherine walked over to it. "Are you finished Bambi?"

"Yea" he said, in the very faintest of squeaks.

"Ok, let me see." She opened the doors and took the piece of paper from him. "Yes that's very good darling. Here, you can take this off now." She reached down and removed the steel clip from his testicles. Bambi breathed a sigh of relief.

"Here you are Lara" said Catherine, as she walked back to the circle, "Bambi wrote this especially for you:"

Dear Miss Lara,

Thank you so much for rescuing me. I was so scared and unhappy when you found me and I can't tell you how incredibly grateful I am. You are the most wonderful person in the world! I hope I will see you lots and lots and will be able to please you whenever you like. Mistress Catherine says I can visit you anytime you want and I hope you'll let me come to your house and serve you there. She says we can do whatever you want and I hope that we'll have lots of fun and you and your friends will like me. I'm only a silly air-headed boy and I do stupid things sometimes, but I hope you will forgive me and find satisfaction in disciplining me whenever you need to. Please please please please take me home with you. I would love it very much.

Hugs and kisses

Bambi

"Oh Catherine! Thank you."

"Don't mention it Lara dear, we'd never have found him if it wasn't for you."

"Even so, it's very generous. Can I really take him home tonight?"

"Absolutely. One of us can pick him up tomorrow."

"Thank you. All of you."

They helped Bambi out of the cupboard. He was still wearing the courtroom outfit, minus the collar and bonnet, and he struggled to his feet. Lara started cooing over him and examined his genitals closely with growing excitement. "You are a little darling" she told him. They draped a long cape over Bambi's shoulders which covered him down to the knees. Whilst the others got their coats Catherine came very close to his face and told him: "You make sure you're a good boy for Lara. She's one of our best friends now. If she says anything bad about you, you'll be in worse trouble than you've ever been in before." Bambi nodded, slowly and silently, and Catherine went to fetch her own coat. It was Lara who led him out of the building, her arm hugging him tightly round the shoulders to stop him falling. Excitedly, she whispered dirty innuendoes in his ear whilst playing with his penis, still erect under the cape. Despite himself, Bambi was utterly aroused by the familiar feelings of helplessness and submission and he found himself silently answering her comments and wanting her touches. But the pain was there also: The pain and the loss and the self loathing. The longing and guilt and self knowledge. The shame and the envy and the hurt pride. The disgust and revulsion. And Lisa, poor Lisa; she'd been doing fine before she met him.

 

EPILOGUE

The limousine pulled away from the hospital and sped off down the road. Sat primly in the back, Bambi sighed and grinned with joy. No more trips to the doctors! No more icky procedures and boring conversations. He smoothed down his tight red dress and took a mirror out of his handbag to check his make-up. It had been almost an hour! Worried slightly by the thought, he began examining himself closely, critically, almost wanting something to be wrong. He satisfied himself by adjusting the felt hat on his head and refreshing his lipstick. Much better. The limo hit a bump and Bambi yelped. Ever since he was involved in that car crash he'd been nervous about driving. The accident had hurt his head badly and he'd lost all memory of it. If he needed proof that it had happened, he only had to feel around the cap of his skull to find the scars. One ran across his forehead and he was always worrying that people would see it through his make up. It seemed crazy to drive around after that, but his mistresses told him: "Don't worry darling. That sort of thing only ever happens once." He believed them utterly; they were so clever, his mistresses, they knew everything.

He was on his way home to get changed for Lara. Lara was a friend of Catherine's who threw these great parties to which Bambi was always invited. He was so popular! Lara and all her friends, sometimes as many as ten, would be waiting, just for him, ready to throw a wild party where he was always, always the centre of attention. What more could he want? Sometimes he thought, ruefully rubbing his arm, they could play a little rough – all the time he had to spend covering the bruises with foundation! – but it was fair enough really. After all it was Lara's party and Catherine said it was fine.

The limo stopped at the traffic lights. Bambi pushed a button to wind down the window and fluttered himself at a group of businesswomen. They waved back casually and Bambi blew them a kiss. One of them looked straight back at Bambi and smiled. Something in the face clicked in Bambi's memory and he had to do a double take. No, it wasn't her. Nevertheless the memory had surfaced and now it wouldn't go away. The face that was etched in Bambi's mind, which haunted his dreams and stalked him through the long days, was before him again, lodged within his mind's eye. It was a young face, round and caring, with worry lines around the eyes. The image brought with it dark feelings of loneliness, of despair, the feeling that something was very wrong in the world. Bambi hated it. It was a monster, sent to hurt and upset him. He wished it would go, disappear into oblivion, but whatever Bambi did, it remained. Shivering with disgust, he reached into his handbag for his pills. Very soon, the wretched, loathsome countenance would be gone – for a little while. It always came back, the evil thing! He sat up straight and looked out the window, trying to forget. Meanwhile, the limousine sped on, disappearing into the distance, merging with the crowd of commuters, becoming quietly anonymous and unthought-of.

  

  

  

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