Author's Note: Shortly after the first version of this story was posted to the Internet, I received some incredibly good advice about what I was doing right and what I was doing wrong. I'm extremely grateful for that strong and detailed critique --- enough that I felt it completely necessary to revisit this story and try to make it better. Equally as important, I felt that too much was left dangling after the first attempt was done. Re-reading it, I found myself feeling dissatisfied in the way it ended. Thus, Audra: A New Life Redux.

The story, through chapter 6, hasn't changed that much. I've added some details, particularly around the characters, to provide a better view of them. I've also added some additional context around the critical decision that the parents make, since it's really the driver of this story. Beyond chapter 6? Big time changes, especially in the story focus and how it progresses. The original story got muddled between attempting to tell the struggle Audra goes through, play up my own transgender nature, and the motivations for Bobby beyond chapter 6. It didn't work for me when I went back to it and thus becomes the point of real divergence in Redux.

Special thanks to Aardvark for his advice and suggestions, they were beyond excellent. All the usual copyright and "viewing if you're legal" rules apply. There is no sex in this story (the character is far too young) but there is implied violence. It is a work of fiction and all the characters are fictional; any similarities to the living are chance.

 

Audra: A New Life Redux

Joanne Foxcourt

 

Chapter 14: Girls' Club

Ken had wandered off and the five decided that they needed to keep going to dispel the incident in the food court. After wandering in and out of a variety of different stores, Dana discovered a collection of t-shirts that she suddenly wanted everyone to have.

"Hey! Check this out," Dana instructed as everyone turned to look. Dana held up a pink and white t-shirt with pink lettering that spelled 'Girls' Club' on it. "Isn't this cool?" she asked.

As everyone shrugged, Dana looked a little crestfallen. "No look, we can form a club and have a club t-shirt. We can even get our names on the back."

"A club?" Susie asked.

"Yeah, it'll be great. Just us."

Audra had hung back figuring that the four friends wouldn't be looking at her to join. "After all," Audra thought. "I'm not really a girl and I'm a couple of years younger." Despite that, Audra was rather surprised to discover that she actually wanted to be a part of it. Something happened in the food court, with the fight and Amy's story, had made Audra feel closer to the four girls than she had previously.

The three other older girls allowed their imagination to catch and began looking for t-shirts that would fit them. They were practically a club now; this would be a cool formalization of it.

Amy noticed Audra wasn't grabbing a t-shirt. "Why haven't you got a shirt yet?" she demanded.

"Uh, well, I didn't think you would want me in the club," Audra admitted.

"Why not?" Julie asked before anyone else could.

"Well, I'm not really a girl…" Audra suggested.

"Nice try," Julie waved the excuse away with a toss of her head.

"I'm younger…" In spite of herself, Audra was actually hoping that they would wave this away too. Audra really needed to feel like she belonged to something; the events of yesterday left her feeling on the edge of her baseball team, not really in it anymore.

"Who cares?" Julie asked.

Audra gave a tentative smile and picked a t-shirt out without trying to look too enthusiastic about it. She held it up in front of her. "I don't know," Audra commented. "I think it clashes with my shorts."

All four girls gaped at her for a second before Amy collapsed into peals of laughter on the floor.

***

By mutual agreement, all five of them had changed into their shirts after they had gotten their names done on the back. In spite of herself, Audra was actually enjoying the trip to the mall; the effort that all the girls had made in making her feel welcome really touched something inside her. For a while, Audra could actually forget worrying about boys or girls and just relax in being part of a group.

Audra's reverie was interrupted by Amy quietly singing…

One of these things is not like the others,
One of these things just doesn't belong,
Can you tell which thing is not like the others
By the time I finish my song?

Everyone looked at Amy and Audra felt a sudden rush of fear that her new-found sense of friendship was coming out from under her with a Sesame Street song.

Amy grinned at them. "Look at everyone's ears," she instructed.

Everyone followed instructions. "I don't get it," Dana admitted.

"What's in your ears?" Amy asked.

"Earrings," Dana replied.

"And Julie's? Susie's? Mine?"

"Earrings," Dana replied, still not getting it.

"Audra?"

"Um… nothing."

"Bingo!" Amy crowed.

"So?" Chorused the remainder of the group.

"Audra needs her ears pierced," Amy patiently explained.

"Why?" Audra asked, not especially interested in the idea.

"It looks nice," Amy pointed out.

Audra shrugged.

Susie liked the idea and decided to throw in her two cents. "It's no big deal Audra, it just takes a minute and we'll get plain studs. Lots of people are doing it, boys and girls."

"I just don't see the point," Audra admitted. She was reluctant to refuse outright and jeopardize the camaraderie that had developed. She also admitted to herself that she knew a few boys who had pierced ears, though most only had one ear pierced.

"There is no point, it just looks cool," Susie wheedled.

"I don't know…"

"Come on, it's not that bad. If you don't like them, you can take them out in a few weeks and the holes will heal over."

Audra shrugged, she just couldn't think of a reasonable objection even if she didn't see the point in having them.

***

Audra was surprised that the piercing actually didn't hurt that badly. It looked like it would hurt, what with the spring loaded gun and all, but it was so fast that she didn't even have time to say ouch. Seeing herself in the mirror, Audra had to admit that the gold studs actually did look pretty good. The only thing that bothered her was that they made her look even more like a girl. "Not much you can say about that," Audra admitted to herself. "What with sitting here with pierced ears and a pink t-shirt that says 'Girls' Club' on it." Audra pushed her thoughts away.

"Okay, you have to keep the studs in for six weeks before you can change earrings," the saleslady instructed. "Also, make sure that you keep turning them so that a nice, round, hole develops."

Audra nodded.

"Now, you also need to clean your earlobes with alcohol a few times a day to avoid infection. Don't worry if it happens, it's common, but just keep treating it and it will heal up. Many people get an infection on the side they sleep on."

Audra thanked the lady as the girls left the store.

"Now, we're complete," Amy commented as they finally made their way to the entrance to meet Ken.

***

Audra sat in bed thinking about the events of the day. She'd admitted to her mother that she had enjoyed the trip to the mall, which surprised both of them. "It wasn't the shopping," Audra mused, "It was just the feeling of being a part of something." She didn't even regret losing the wager on the video games.

Audra turned the studs in her ears. More than anything, the appearance of pierced ears had surprised her family. Audra still wasn't all that sure why she had gotten it done, but she actually kind of liked them. "It's not like they make me a girl, lots of guys have pierced ears," Audra told herself.

***

"Do you think it's significant?" James asked Marianne as they snuggled on the couch.

"The shirt and the earrings?"

James nodded. "They seem significant. I mean, it strikes me that Audra would have put up a lot of resistance to them."

Marianne thought about it. "It might have been peer pressure," she suggested.

"Hmmm…. I suppose so," James agreed. "Does Audra see Sheila tomorrow?"

"Yes, in the morning."

 

Chapter 15: One Step Forward

It was a reluctant Audra that entered Sheila's office the next morning. She had a feeling that Sheila was already aware of yesterday's excursion and what transpired, but she hadn't had a chance to work out how she felt about it yet.

"Good morning Audra!" Sheila said as Audra entered.

"Hi Sheila," Audra smiled. She actually liked Sheila, they had had many chats over the course of Audra's stay in the hospital and they had helped a great deal.

As Audra made herself comfortable, Sheila asked her, "Anything interesting happen lately?"

Audra shrugged, "Nothing special."

"I noticed that your ears are pierced. That seems interesting."

Unconsciously, Audra rotated the studs in her ears. "It's no big deal, lots of guys and girls have pierced ears," Audra told her.

To Sheila, it was pretty obvious that Audra was rationalizing a typically feminine activity like ear piercing. "That's true, I suppose. Why did you get them done?"

"Well, they look kind of cool and I can always take them out if I don't like them."

"They look very nice on you," Sheila complimented. "Did you get them done yourself?"

"The girls talked me into it," Audra admitted, wishing that Sheila would drop the subject.

"The girls?"

"Susie and her friends. We went shopping yesterday," Audra confessed. "Now why did I tell her that?" Audra asked herself.

"How did that go?" Sheila prodded.

"Okay, I guess, except for Bobby."

"Bobby?"

Audra nodded, "He's always picked on me, because I'm smaller, but now he's calling me a freak. I'm not a freak! Am I?"

"No Audra, you're not a freak. Don't ever believe that, for a second." Sheila held her in a tight hug.

Audra looked unsure.

"I'm serious Audra. You've had a lot of misfortune, but you're a wonderful person who is fighting a very difficult battle. Don't let others bring you down."

Audra nodded, feeling a little better. Sheila released her from the hug.

"What happened with Bobby?"

Audra explained the incident in the mall.

"Did you feel better after?"

"A little," Audra admitted. "Though I felt a little ashamed afterwards, for losing it."

"Did you buy anything else yesterday?" Sheila found the admission of being ashamed interesting, but decided to let it pass for now.

"Just a shirt… everyone bought one." Audra started to squirm a little on the couch; she knew where Sheila was going with this one.

"A special shirt then?"

Audra nodded. "It's our club shirt."

"You have a club? Who's in it?"

"Me and the girls from yesterday," Audra told her reluctantly.

Sheila paused and regarded Audra. It was pretty obvious that Audra was uncomfortable with this line of questioning, but having heard about the shirt from Marianne, Sheila wanted to find out why Audra would have bought it. "So, it's a girl's club?" Sheila asked.

"Not really," Audra protested.

"What does the shirt say on it?"

Audra dug her toe into the couch, becoming more reluctant to admit to the t-shirt's lettering.

"Audra, I'm not judging you here, you don't have to be embarrassed to tell me," Sheila coached.

"It says 'Girls' Club' on it," Audra blurted in a rush.

"Why did you join?"

"They asked me to."

"Did you want to?" Sheila asked.

Audra nodded and looked embarrassed.

"Why?"

Audra hesitated, she still wasn't sure herself. "They were treating me so nice, it just felt good."

"Nice? As in not different or strange?" Sheila had a very strong idea of why Audra had jumped at the club.

Audra nodded again.

"You've felt out of place recently?"

"Yeah, my friends are treating me different, like I'm going to break."

"You didn't feel out of place with the girls?"

Audra sat back, surprised. "Did I?" Audra asked herself. "They just treated me like one of them, like nothing was different," She admitted internally, "It still felt odd, but a different kind of odd."

Sheila watched Audra struggle with the question. "You don't have to answer Audra. I think it's a question that you really need to think about, but take your time over the next few days and really think about it."

***

"I'm very pleased," Sheila admitted to Marianne after the session with Audra.

"Is she getting better?"

"Don't read too much into the events of yesterday. Audra has been feeling very disconnected from those around her, especially with her friends. Yesterday was the first time anybody really just treated her as one of the group and she grasped at that. It could have just as easily been a group of boys as girls."

"So, it's not progress?" Marianne asked, concerned.

"It's a step forward," Sheila explained. "A minor step, but a positive one. She's teetering between two worlds and it's good that the first world to extend acceptance was a female one. It would be wonderful if this continued, she'll begin to identify with the group that offers her the most acceptance."

"Should we take her out of baseball?"

"No, that would be a mistake. As much as I hate to see her tormented by bullies on her team, that too helps us and her."

"How?" Marianne was unsure of this as she hated to see Audra being hurt.

"If the boy's world pushes her away and the girl's world brings her in, her self-identity will be reinforced even more."

"I suppose so," Marianne reluctantly conceded, though it seemed very harsh and cavalier to her.

 

Chapter 16: Paths Entwining

Bobby Grant's hand shook as he opened the laundry hamper in the bathroom he shared with his sister. It had been a long time since he had done this; his father's belt had taught him that it was an unacceptable activity and punishment was the sole result. He was still very sore from the beating he had received last night for 'losing' a fight and getting a black eye. Never mind that he never had a chance to get his own swings in, his father believed that getting caught by surprise was the same as losing. Bobby had a shiner to show that he had, indeed, been caught by surprise. It was even worse than usual because Bobby had lost to a 'thing' as his father put it.

Bobby opened and closed the hamper several times, trying to push away the need and desire that he was feeling. The pressures that his father kept heaping on him were getting to be far too much, he felt stretched out and stressed. He needed some escape.

Almost in a trance, Bobby pulled several articles of clothing from the hamper and carried them into his room. Nobody was home right now, his father was at work, his mother was shopping, and Amy had gone out. "Now was the perfect time," Bobby thought, trying to encourage himself.

Quickly, Bobby donned Amy's clothing from yesterday, including the t-shirt that she had just bought. Some rolled up socks and his mother's old wig later, Bobby allowed himself to see the result in the mirror. Bobby was not a passable girl as he was far too boyish looking, even at eleven years old. Still, his eyes refocused themselves and allowed his imagination to see a real girl in the mirror.

Bobby tried several poses and lost himself in his imagination. He felt the stress of the last couple of days drain from his body. By becoming a girl, he could be free of all of the pressures of manhood that his father thrust upon him, even if it was for a short while.

It was the sudden thought of his father that brought Bobby back to reality. Suddenly, he was flooded with shame and self-loathing. Almost snarling to himself, he pulled off the clothing and wig and dressed again in his own clothing. Roughly, he shoved the clothes back into the hamper and stomped his way out of the house vowing to never do it again.

***

The four elder members of the Girls' Club were already playing in the swimming pool when Audra returned home from her appointment with Sheila.

"Why don't you join them?" Marianne suggested.

Audra shrugged. "Maybe later," she replied. She was still unsettled from her meeting with Sheila and needed to work it out.

Marianne didn't press, but she looked unhappy as Audra made her way up to her room. "The child is spending far too much time moping in her room and listening to Ken's music," Marianne mused. She watched the girls in the swimming pool from her kitchen window and was relieved to see that Ken had stationed himself poolside with a book to keep an eye on them. Ken's sense of responsibility never ceased to amaze her.

Marianne wandered out to the pool deck. "I can relieve you," she told her son.

"It's no problem mom. I'm just catching up on some reading anyways. Where's Audra?" Ken asked.

"Upstairs, moping again," Marianne sighed as she sat down in a deck chair beside her son.

"Cut her some slack mom, it takes time," Ken suggested as he put his book down.

Marianne nodded and smiled absently.

"You aren't sure about this, are you?" Ken asked.

Marianne shook her head. "Neither is your father, I think."

"Then why?"

"It seemed like the best of a bad lot," Marianne admitted. "There is some progress though."

"Yesterday?"

Marianne nodded. "Not much, but something. Sheila suggested that spending more time with the girls would be helpful."

"They're a pretty good bunch," Ken admitted.

"Did I make a mistake?" Marianne asked, suddenly full of doubt.

Ken saw the fear and concern in his mother's eyes and thought about his answer for a while. "I don't know mom, honestly," he told her. "Aaron was never all that masculine. It just wasn't in his nature and he got picked on a lot for it. If it wasn't for Mike, there might have been a lot more bumps and bruises along the way. Maybe being Audra will allow her to be herself."

Marianne smiled, feeling a little better with that answer. "How did I end up with such smart kids?" she asked.

"Just lucky I guess." Ken said as he laughed.

***

Audra was lying on her bed, drumming her fingers in time to the music when the four girls burst in. "Hey! Doesn't anybody knock?" Audra exclaimed as she sat upright.

Dana rapped on the door as she piled in. "Is that better?" she grinned.

"What's going on?" Audra asked, resigned to the intrusion.

"We're having a club meeting," Susie announced.

"Here?"

"Nope, in the pool! Mandatory attendance for all members," Susie told her.

"I don't want to go swimming," Audra replied.

"Too bad," Susie said as the others nodded. "Let's find your bathing suit and go."

"Is anybody listening to me?" Audra demanded. Part of her was seriously annoyed at the intrusion, but another part of her was grateful for it.

"Nope."

"I'll find my trunks," Audra conceded defeat.

"Uh… Audra? You can't wear trunks!" Susie pointed out.

"Why not?"

"Uh… Girls don't wear trunks." Susie looked around at the others for support.

Audra sat back down on the bed. "I'm not wearing a bikini. Period."

"What's wrong with a bikini?" Dana asked as she snapped the waistband on hers.

Audra rolled her eyes, "You wouldn't understand."

Dana looked a little cross at that, but Susie intervened. "I think mom bought you a one-piece suit," she said.

Audra looked unsure of that idea. "Why can't I just wear trunks and a t-shirt?"

All four girls made a face at that. "It looks ugly," Amy explained.

"Just try the bathing suit and if you hate it, come and change," Susie suggested as she found the dark blue suit in the dresser.

Audra sighed as she took the suit from Susie. "Alright, I'll try it," she muttered as she headed for the bathroom and got changed.

"Hey, that looks good on you," Julie commented as Audra emerged from the bathroom.

"I feel naked," Audra noted.

"Why? You have more on now than when you wore trunks," Susie pointed out.

"It's so tight." Audra gestured at the clingy suit. Despite being covered, she felt as if her whole body was on display. "Not that there is much to look at," she mused to herself. Audra was still trying to figure out why she kept allowing the girls to talk her into these things as she followed them down to the pool.

***

Robert Grant surprised his wife Judy by coming home early from work. "That's unlike him," she thought as she scooped the clothing from the kids hamper into the laundry baskets as Robert stomped around the house downstairs. "He sounds like he's in a pissy mood too." Judy sighed to herself and once again lamented the loss of love in her marriage.

Judy carted the basket of clothing towards the basement. Robert had absolutely refused to hire a maid, he saw no value in spending the money when Judy was perfectly capable of doing the work herself. Not for the first time, Judy wondered what had happened to that sweet young man that had swept her off her feet.

Judy was so preoccupied with the sudden return of Robert that she failed to notice the wig that was in the basket. Unfortunately, Robert didn't as he grunted at her on the stairwell.

"What the fuck is that doing in there?" Robert snarled at her as he suddenly yanked the wig out of the basket, spilling the remaining contents on the stairs.

Judy paled as she saw the wig in Robert's hand. She knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that Bobby had tried on Amy's clothes again. For her son, she tried to bluff it out. "I must have dropped it in the basket as I was gathering laundry," she lied.

Robert slapped her, rocking her head backwards. "Don't lie to me you silly bitch," he shouted.

"Please, Robert," Judy cried as she grasped at his hand.

"Where is my son?"

Judy shook her head. "I don't know," she admitted.

"You're worthless," Robert snarled as he stomped off with the wig still in his hand. "When I get my hands on that little pussy, he'll wish he was never born. I'll make him into a man even if it kills him. I don't know why I married you… look at the excuse for a son you gave me."

Judy attempted to dry her tears as she slowly gathered the spilled clothing. Robert's violence was getting worse and, as she heard him mixing a drink in the bar, the alcohol he was consuming didn't help any. Judy was at a loss for what to do.

***

In spite of herself, Audra was having fun with the girls again. She had even forgotten that she was wearing a girl's bathing suit as she splashed and played pool tag in the water. By the time late afternoon was rolling around, their hands and toes were all wrinkled and a she looked like she would probably have a decent sunburn.

Marianne invited all of the girls to stay for dinner, ignoring Ken's groan in the background. Dutifully, one by one they made their phone calls home to get permission. It was Amy's expression that made Audra suddenly concerned. "What's wrong Amy?" Audra asked.

"It's nothing." Amy bit her lower lip.

Audra pulled Amy aside. "I don't believe you," Audra told her gently.

Amy attempted a small smile. "Are you sure you aren't a girl?" she asked. "You see too much for a boy."

Audra grimaced, but shrugged it off. "You're dodging the question," she accused.

Amy sighed. "My father is drinking and has his belt in his hands," she finally admitted.

"For you?" Audra looked surprised.

Amy bit her lip and shook her head. "No, for Bobby. It's going to be ugly. My mom told me to stay away tonight, if I can."

"Um…" Audra looked reluctant to volunteer something, but her compassionate nature finally made her suggest: "We could have a sleep-over."

Amy looked a bit surprised. "Are you sure? I know you aren't happy with this girl thing, do you think you can handle it?"

It was Audra's turn to bite her lip. "Now who sees too much? I'll survive. I don't want to be a girl, but I've had fun in the last couple of days." That was quite an admission for Audra and she even surprised herself with it and Amy squeezed her hand gently in acknowledgment.

Needless to say, the other girls were enthusiastic about the idea and they ignored Ken's second groan of the afternoon.

***

Bobby had largely forgotten his earlier activities of the day and so it was quite a surprise for him as he walked into his house to see his father standing there, obviously drunk, and holding the wig that Bobby had worn earlier.

Bobby's face went ashen as soon as he saw his father. "Dad, I… Uh…"

"What did I tell you boy?" Robert snarled as he reached for Bobby.

Bobby panicked and attempted to bolt for the front door, but his father was a step too quick in spite of being drunk. Bobby felt the fist connect with his back and he stumbled and fell face down. Closing his eyes, Bobby resigned himself to his fate as his father dragged him to the study and the waiting belt.

"One way or another boy, I'll beat manhood into you yet," Robert muttered drunkenly.

In the distance, Judy cried for her son as she heard the sounds of the belt striking him. She was grateful that Amy was at the Wilson's place, though she had avoided explaining that to Robert. Not for the last time, Judy wished that she still had her parents to turn to, she wouldn't feel so alone then.

 

Chapter 17: Peer Pressure

The members of the Girls' Club hung around the family room watching television and munching popcorn. Audra was bored, watching Friends was not her idea of fun when Star Trek: TNG was on. Still, she bit her tongue and pretended interest for their sake.

"I think Joey and Rachel should get together," Dana commented as the show was ending.

"I think they'll all be married to each other by the time the show ends," Susie agreed.

Audra just rolled her eyes and grabbed some more popcorn. "It's just a show," she said.

All four girls turned and glared at her. "It's more than just a show!" Julie insisted.

Audra looked confused. "What's the big deal?"

"Hopeless," Dana muttered.

"It's about romance and love, about growing up and finding the right person," Julie tried to explain.

Audra shrugged. "I don't get it," Audra admitted. "Look at Star Trek, now that's cool. Lots of aliens, lasers, and other special effects. It's fun and exciting."

The girls waved it off. "There's no heart in it," Susie insisted.

"It's just a show, it's not real," Audra told her.

Amy turned on her stomach and regarded the group for a second. "What's real?" she asked.

"Ooh, that's deep!" Susie clapped.

Amy looked at her friends more closely. Of the four, only Audra seemed to grasp what she was asking, she could see it in Audra's face. Amy was finding herself growing closer to Audra, they both had found themselves in situations beyond their control and that made for a kinship even if the reasons were vastly different.

"What is real is different for everybody," Audra commented as Amy nodded agreement.

"Oh, come on!" Dana scoffed.

"What's a real girl?" Audra asked.

"Everybody knows what a girl is," Dana insisted.

"No, really, what's a real girl? Am I a real girl?"

Dana looked unsure. "Yeah," she finally decided.

"Why? I was born a boy."

Julie watched her twin sister flounder in Audra's questions and whispered at Susie, "Are you sure she's eleven?" Susie grinned at her and shrugged.

"You're a girl now," Dana answered.

"I think I'm a boy."

"You have girl parts now," Dana protested.

"What's real is different for everybody," Audra repeated as Amy nodded vigorously.

"I don't get it," Dana conceded looking at Audra strangely. "Either you're a girl, or you're not."

"It's not that easy," Audra told her. "Did you ever want to be a boy?"

Dana shook her head.

"I never wanted to be a girl."

"Oh." Dana's face suddenly registered comprehension. "What do we do?" Dana asked.

"I don't know," Audra admitted.

***

Marianne looked in on the five girls and smiled at the circle of them lying on their tummies facing each other. Marianne had fond memories of similar circles growing up and she was very pleased to see Audra appearing to fit into it quite easily.

Marianne found James in the living room reading a book. She snuggled up next to him as he absently shifted his arm to accommodate her.

"Mmm?" James mumbled as he read.

"I was looking in on the girls," Marianne told him.

"And?" James asked as he placed the book on his knee.

"It looks so normal," Marianne admitted.

"Do you feel better about things?" James asked. Marianne had told him of her doubts that she had expressed to Ken earlier in the day. The same doubts that James was facing every day since the decision.

"A little," Marianne admitted. "It's a good sign. She seems so natural in that group."

"From what Sheila said, I think it's a bit of peer pressure."

"I just want her to be happy," Marianne said with a sigh.

"So do I, love, so do I."

***

Julie stared at Audra for a couple of seconds. "You know, you're kind of lucky in a way," She suggested.

"What?!?" Audra exclaimed, surprised.

"I don't mean it the way you think," Julie placated. "What I'm saying is that you can sort of choose."

"I don't think I had a lot of choice!" Audra retorted looking upset.

"No, no, I mean you think of yourself as a boy, right?" Julie asked.

"Uh huh."

"But you're a girl now, right?"

Audra wasn't looking any happier at that suggestion. "That's what they say."

"Well, you know all about being a boy, but you don't know anything about being a girl."

"That's kind of obvious Julie," Audra pointed out.

"Now you can find out. You get a chance to see what is better," Julie stated.

"I don't see what difference it makes," Audra noted. "I'm kind of stuck now."

Julie waved it away. "What doctors did they can undo," she asserted.

"Really?" Audra felt her hope rise. She hadn't thought of this angle before, she'd have to ask Sheila about it.

"What have you got in mind Julie?" Susie asked as the other two showed their interest.

"We need to show Audra what being a girl is like, why it's so much more cool. That way, she can decide knowing all the information."

"What makes you think it's more cool to be a girl?" Audra asked, curious in spite of herself.

Julie grinned. "You haven't noticed yet, but when you get older, you will. The boys fall all over themselves to get noticed by girls. It's pretty obvious that we're the ones that they want to impress. Now why would they do that unless we were more cool?"

"I'm not too anxious to get noticed by boys," Audra told her. Audra didn't really get it. She was still at that age where the opposite sex was a mystery to be avoided. That she had been forced to swap sides really didn't change that view.

"It's just proof," Julie waved away the objection.

"My father has a different take on it," Amy commented, throwing a bit of cold water on the discussion. "He thinks women are useless, that they only exist to serve men and nothing more." Amy felt hot tears trickle down her face despite her attempts to staunch them.

Audra wrapped her arms around Amy without thinking, but the other girls didn't miss the instinctive reaction. Julie raised her eyebrow at Susie and nodded towards Amy and Audra. Both flicked their eyes towards the door in an unspoken question and then offered to get refreshments.

"Audra is more girl than boy," Julie commented on the way to the kitchen.

"Yeah, she was before too," Susie agreed. "Aaron was never like Ken, even if he tried to be."

"Do you think she was always supposed to be a girl?"

Susie thought about it for a few minutes. "I don't know, but it sure seems like it. She isn't acting any different than before, but it seems to fit better. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah, it does. Amy really likes her you know."

Susie nodded. "Too bad her brother won't leave Audra alone," she said as she pulled some drinks out of the fridge and piled them into Julie's arms.

"Amy has something on him," Julie noted.

"She won't say though."

"I don't get her father either."

"Neither do I. My dad and Ken are real men and they don't act like that," Susie agreed.

"I guess Audra is right. What's real is different for everybody. Ken is a dreamboat you know."

"Oh, ick!" Susie laughed.

 

Chapter 18: Remember Me?

Life had fallen into a basic routine for Audra in the days following the sleep-over. She was still reluctant to go out from the safe confines of her house, but she had come to a basic equilibrium that kept her from feeling too weird about her situation.

Audra dove into the pool, cutting a clean line. She'd gotten more comfortable in the bathing suit as well. In fact, if she was pressed to admit it, it was more comfortable than her old trunks and didn't hinder her swimming as much. "At least it won't fall off," Audra reminded herself with a laugh.

Audra floated on the pool surface, enjoying the rays of the sun and the peace of solitude. She knew her mother was watching from the kitchen, but the appearance of solitude was there and Audra reveled in it. It gave her a chance to wrestle with recent events and prepare herself for her first baseball practice that evening.

"The big question," Audra vocalized, "Is what do I do about Julie's offer. I don't want to be a girl, at least I don't think I do, but I don't even really know what a girl is." This was the crux of the problem for Audra. Growing up, she always thought of herself as a boy, but she knew she was a bit different, sports not withstanding. She didn't have that intense competitive drive, she liked just hanging around and talking. She even got along with her sister! Reflecting on the way she was before gave Audra reason to think that Julie may not be all that far off the mark after all.

"Was I really a real boy?" Audra whispered aloud. She was beginning to have doubts about her identity as Aaron.

"There's hope! Julie said that they could undo it," Aaron's voice reminded her in her head.

"Really?" Audra asked the voice.

"Yeah!" Aaron's voice sounded so sure. Audra could almost feel the battle lines being drawn across her soul.

However, Audra's internal wrestling was interrupted by Mike coming onto the pool deck. "Hey! Remember me?" he called at her.

"Mike!"

"She remembers!" Mike marveled.

Audra rolled her eyes. "Give me a break, will ya."

"What are you doing?"

"What does it look like doofus?" Audra replied, waving her arms at the pool as she floated to the edge. "Did you bring your trunks?"

"Yeah."

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"Don't be dense! Get changed," Audra instructed. Mike scampered off to follow directions.

Within minutes, Mike was back but he stopped as he watched Audra stretch on the diving board. "Wow, it's really true," Mike said to himself as his mind registered that the lithe figure on the board really was female now. Mike did a cannonball into the pool as Audra came to the surface from her dive.

She sputtered from the sudden rush of water when she expected air. "Hey!" she shouted as she splashed him back and spun off as he started chasing her around the pool. Mike finally caught her after a couple of laps and gave her a good dunk. They were laughing their heads off as they rested against the pool wall.

"You got your ears pierced!" Mike suddenly noticed.

"Yeah?" Audra replied a little guardedly.

"They look cool," Mike soothed as he recognized the reaction.

"You don't think they make me look more girl-like?" Audra asked, subconsciously planting a trap.

"Um…" Mike was a bit flustered at the question. They'd been friends for years, he didn't have the heart to tell Audra that she had always looked girl-like and that earrings weren't going to make any difference one way or another. "More? No, I don't think so," Mike finally decided as a safe answer.

"They do, don't they?" Audra pressed.

Mike sighed, this wasn't going well. "No, I think they look cool."

Audra relaxed the pressure. She was certain that Mike was avoiding the need to tell her what she had told herself this morning. She smiled at him, "Cool."

Mike gave a mental sigh of relief. "Are you coming to practice tonight?" Mike asked, trying to change the subject.

Audra shrugged. "I don't know, the game didn't go so well," Audra said. She had been avoiding a repeat of that incident.

"You heard what Coach Clarke said."

Audra nodded. "Doesn't matter though, they'll just wait until he's not around. The team doesn't want me anyways."

"That's not true!"

Audra shrugged.

Susie poked her head through the patio doors. "Hey! Pool party?" Audra and Mike both shrugged, so Susie took that as a yes and began the phone chain. Within a half an hour, there was at least a two dozen kids playing around the pool.

***

Audra was sunning herself in a patio lounge when she felt a shadow darken her. Looking up, she saw the smiling face of Jason Stewart looking down at her. "Hey Jase," she greeted.

"Hey. Mind if I sit?" Jason asked, almost shyly.

Audra waved him to a chair.

"Are you coming tonight?" Jason asked.

Audra shrugged, "I don't know, I was thinking about it."

"You should, you know."

"Why?"

"We need you, Steve is brutal at that position."

"I don't know if I can deal with that again," Audra admitted.

"Hey, for what it's worth, most of the team thinks Bobby was being an ass."

"Thanks." Jason didn't know it, but his simple statement was like somebody had propped open a door that Audra had thought was closing.

Both of them sat in silence for a few minutes as Audra closed her eyes to the sun's rays. "You know, you're actually very pretty," Jason suddenly blurted out.

"What?!?" Audra was shocked to the core.

"I didn't mean anything bad by it," Jason tried to cover.

Audra just stared at him, her mouth hanging open.

"I just thought you should know," Jason gestured an awkward apology as he stood up. "I didn't mean to bug you."

Audra kept staring at him as he walked away from her, her mind reeling from this revelation by Jason.

***

"Hey, what's eating you?" Mike asked as he wandered into the kitchen after Audra had sprinted from the pool.

"He said I was pretty!" Audra had tears in her eyes.

"So?"

"You just don't get it!" Audra tried to brush past him.

Mike grabbed her and spun her to face him. "You know, Audra, we've been best friends for a long time."

Audra nodded at him, surprised at being grabbed.

"You want to know the truth? You've always been pretty."

Audra gaped at him.

"It's true," Mike told her. "Do you know how many fights I got in defending you over that?"

Audra shook her head.

"You're a girl now. It's okay to be pretty." Mike released her arms, watching as Audra shook her head, attempting to deny his words. Suddenly, she fled deeper into the house.

"What have I done?" Mike asked nobody in particular.

***

Marianne came upon a dejected looking Mike in the kitchen. "What ever is the matter Mike?" she asked him, sitting down to join him at the table.

Mike wasn't sure how to say this. He had known Marianne for years, he knew that she had even changed his diapers, but this was Audra. "I kind of messed up with Audra, I think," Mike finally admitted.

Marianne raised an eyebrow.

Mike haltingly told her the story of the incident. "I'm sorry," he finished.

Marianne smiled and squeezed his hand. "No Mike, you don't have to apologize for being right. You have always been her best friend and I really believe that you still are."

Mike nodded.

***

"Go away!" Audra shouted at the knock on her door. Almost unconsciously, she had been hugging the large teddy bear that her maternal grandparents bought for her on the day she was born.

Marianne ignored the instruction and opened the door. "Are you okay?" she asked.

Audra quickly wiped her tears away and nodded.

Marianne sat down beside her on the bed and took her hands. "I don't believe you," she said.

Audra felt the tears return. "It's so hard mom, so very hard. I never wanted this, but everybody seems to think it's what I should have wanted. Even I do, sometimes." Audra buried her face into the neck of the teddy bear with that admission.

Marianne gently stroked Audra's hair. "Your father and I sometimes wonder if we made a mistake too."

Audra looked up in shock.

"It's the truth," Marianne nodded. "And sometimes we think it was the wisest decision we've ever made as parents."

"I don't understand," Audra confessed.

"Audra, neither of us wished this on you. If we could change the past, we would. Not a day goes by that we don't wish it could be so. Being a man or woman isn't just body parts, it's also in your soul, and both are wonderful to be. They are equal and yet different."

"Is that what happened mom? Did you look into my soul?" Audra asked, almost afraid of the answer that she kept hearing today.

"I think I did. Sometimes I wonder, you fight so hard. Then I see your gentle nature, how you comforted Amy, and I stop wondering. Did I see into your soul?"

Audra felt the tears roll again. "I don't know. I feel so lost. Will I remember me?"

 

Chapter 19: Confrontation

Marianne covered for Audra for the rest of the party, telling everyone that Audra still tired easily and need to rest up for tonight. The excuse gave Audra enough time to recover and talk herself into going to baseball practice. The real deciding factor was Jason's comment about the team opinion. The door was still open and Audra didn't want it to close on her.

When Mike showed up at her house to go to ball practice, she was already dressed in her uniform and ready to go.

"I'm glad you're coming," Mike commented. "I wasn't sure if you would."

Audra smiled. "I want to play," she admitted. Even with Jason's reassurances and Mike's presence, Audra was still nervous about going. Almost a week had passed, but the incident with Bobby at the ball diamond still left her feeling shaken.

The two made it to the park in plenty of time and so decided to toss the ball around while they waited. Their concentration on throwing caused them to ignore the arrival of Bobby and his 'gang' of friends and assorted hangers on. The group watched the two friends throwing the ball for a minute, until Bobby took the opportunity to trip Audra as she chased down a missed ball.

Audra stumbled and rolled herself to a sitting position. "What did you do that for?" she demanded.

"Because I felt like it freak," Bobby sneered at her as Mike came running towards them.

Audra stood with her fists balled up. "What is your problem? I have done anything to you!"

Bobby waved his friends to intercept Mike and then pointed at his almost faded shiner. "You did this and now you're going to pay. Freaks should know better than to fuck with their betters."

Audra tried backing up and felt herself shoved back towards Bobby. To the side, she could see Mike struggling with two of Bobby's friends, doing some damage, but not getting free. Bobby charged her and she managed to dodge the first rush, but was shoved again. Stumbling, Bobby hit her with the force of his shoulder and she felt the wind being knocked out of her as she curled on the ground in pain.

Audra closed her eyes, expecting Bobby to jump on her and start swinging. In a few moments, she opened them to see Coach Clarke holding Bobby's arms.

"I think you have some serious explanations to make," Coach Clarke told Bobby as Audra recovered her breath. "Let him go," Coach Clarke instructed the boys holding Mike. Mike rushed over to help Audra to a sitting position.

"Well?" Coach Clarke asked. "I'm waiting." He let go of Bobby's arms.

Bobby shook his head furiously. "This freak gave me a black eye!"

Audra could see the rest of the team approaching the scene with curiosity and she covered her eyes with her hands. As much of a problem as Bobby was, he was their best player.

Coach Clarke favored Bobby with an ice cold stare. "Get out of here," he said.

"What?" Bobby looked shocked.

"Get out of here. You're off the team. I don't want to see you around this ball diamond again."

Bobby gave Audra and Mike a murderous look. "You'll pay for this freak," he spat at her.

Coach Clarke shook his head. "Don't make your stupidity any worse," he suggested. "I gave you fair warning last week and you didn't listen. Now get lost. You have only yourself to blame."

Coach Clarke walked over to Audra and helped her up. "Are you alright?" he asked.

"I think so, just a little winded," Audra replied.

Coach Clarke smiled at her and then turned to the rest of the team. "I wasn't kidding last week. This is unacceptable and it had better not happen again. Now let's practice."

***

Audra had spent most of the practice working on her batting drills and getting her timing back. With Bobby off the team, power loss was going to have to be made up with finesse. By the end of the practice, Audra was feeling pleasantly drained and emotionally sated having taken her frustrations out on the ball.

Coach Clarke plunked himself down beside her in the dugout as she recovered. "How are you doing Audra?" he asked.

"Okay, I guess." Audra stared at the floor.

"You know, Julie and Dana think the world of you."

"Really?" Audra looked at him in surprise.

"Really. I do too. You're a really good kid. I'd have been proud to have you as my own."

Audra felt a slight sting of tears as she jumped up and hugged her coach. "Thank you," she whispered.

"Any time."

 

Chapter 20: Like Father, Like Son

Dan Clarke, Audra's coach, flipped open the Sporting News magazine in the book store to see if there was anything worth reading enough to buy. "Usual stuff," he muttered to himself. "Sports magazines spend more time on bikinis than sports these days. Not that bikinis are bad!"

Dan's reverie was interrupted with a cross sounding, "Hey Clarke! I want a word with you." Dan rolled his eyes and turned to confront the ever-belligerent Robert Grant.

"What can I do for you Robert?" Dan asked politely. "As if I didn't know," he told himself.

"As if you didn't know!" Robert said, echoing Dan's thoughts.

"I take it this is about your son's unacceptable behavior?"

"Unacceptable?!?" Robert sputtered.

"Yes, unacceptable. I'll not have teammates turning on each other while I'm coach. Your son was the instigator and he had been warned."

Robert looked like he was about to blow a gasket.

"Audra has enough trouble to concern herself with. She definitely doesn't need to be tormented and attacked out of petty bigotry," Dan further explained.

"That half-boy, half-girl, freak gave my son a black eye!"

Dan stepped back and gave Robert a cold look. "A well deserved one from what I heard from my daughters."

"You'd take the word of flighty girls over my son?!?" Robert shouted at him.

"Enough! You've insulted Audra, you've insulted my daughters, and you have insulted me with your mere presence. It's pretty obvious where Bobby gets his bigotry and stupidity from." Dan turned away, his eyes flashing in anger.

Robert grabbed his arm. "We're not finished here," he snarled.

"Yes we are." Dan said as he turned back. "Let go of my arm or, so help me, I'll have you planted in a jail cell."

Robert dropped his arm and sneered, "Not much of a real man are you Clarke?"

"If you're the supposed measure of a real man, then I'd rather be a woman."

***

Bobby sighed with relief as Amy smoothed the cream on his back. "I don't get it," Amy told him as she worked.

"What?" Bobby sounded surprised.

"Why do you keep going after Audra?"

Bobby shrugged. Amy sat back and stopped applying the cream to sooth the strap marks. Bobby's latest failure to 'win' had earned him a few more stripes at the hands of his father.

"Hey! Don't stop," Bobby protested.

Amy tossed the cream on to his lap. "Do it yourself," she told him.

"What's your problem?" Bobby demanded.

"I don't like you very much right now." Amy turned and began to leave the room.

Bobby stared after her. In spite of himself, his father's conditioning was affecting him. He'd do almost anything to avoid the belt. "Why can't she understand?" Bobby ground his teeth in frustration.

"Maybe father is right," Bobby shouted after her. "All you women want to do is hold men back. Make us into weak shadows of ourselves."

Amy turned and regarded her brother with sad eyes. "Do you really believe that? Do you ever wonder why Audra calls her father 'dad' and we don't? Who are the freaks here?"

***

Audra and Susie popped out of the candy store and sat on the curb with their ice cream cones. Susie shook her head. "Vanilla?" She asked, making it sound like the choice of sick people everywhere.

"What's wrong with vanilla?" Audra demanded.

"It's not chocolate."

"Well, duh. I like vanilla."

"Chocolate's a girl's best friend," Susie grinned at her.

Audra furrowed her brows. "I thought it was diamonds?"

"Them too."

The two sat licking their cones in silence for a few minutes. "Did you think about what Julie said?" Susie asked suddenly.

Audra was beginning to frame an answer to that question when the footsteps that had been behind them stopped. "Audra?" A voice asked in a half snarl from above.

Audra looked up. "That's me," she replied a little nervously.

The man suddenly reached down and grabbed her arm, knocking the ice cream cone to the ground. "Hey!" Audra shouted.

"So, you're the little freak that's been causing trouble for my son!"

Audra recognized the angry face of Robert Grant at that moment and was suddenly afraid.

Susie jumped up and faced him. "Leave my sister alone!" she shouted.

"Shut up," Robert snarled as his fingers dug painfully into Audra's arm. He turned back to Audra. "You'd better stay away from my son if you know what's good for you."

At that moment, the lady in the candy store came running out. "What do you think you're doing? Let that child go!" she shouted.

Robert flung Audra's arm away and pointed his finger at her. "Don't forget what I said or you'll regret it," he threatened.

A shaken Audra stood holding her bruised arm as the lady ran up. "Are you okay sweetie?" she asked.

Audra nodded, her eyes filling with tears. She hadn't felt that frightened since the time when she woke up in the darkness of that awful apartment. "Why does he hate me?" Audra whispered to nobody in particular.

"Who child?"

"I haven't done anything wrong," Audra again whispered into the wind.

"Come," the lady said gently, her eyes filled with compassion. "Let's get you a new ice cream cone and a glass of water. It'll help you feel better."

Audra nodded as her eyes followed Robert Grant down the street. She placed her hand in the lady's outstretched hand absently and allowed herself to be led back into the candy store.

***

"I'll kill him!" James raged in the kitchen after hearing the story from Susie.

Marianne had sent Susie and Audra upstairs after one look at James and Ken's faces. There was no doubt in Marianne's mind that if she didn't calm her husband and son down, that they would do something rash, something that they would both regret.

"James, please!" Marianne tried to gain his attention.

"That unbelievable bastard! How dare he threaten my child? How dare he! I'll rip off his head and shit down his neck!"

As James raged, Ken sat at the table and seethed. His fingers had already left dents in the table top and he could feel himself at the edge of boiling over into the same rage his father was in.

"James Wilson!"

Marianne's sudden, sharp, words pulled him and Ken up short. Both turned to look at her in surprise, neither ever having heard that tone of voice in her before.

"I'll not have either of you sitting in a jail cell because of that person! I'll take care of this and I'll make damn certain that he knows very well what the consequences of his actions are. Do I make myself clear?" Marianne glared at them both.

Both of them could only nod. Neither had witnessed Marianne like this before and they could see the cold fury in her eyes. Suddenly, the two Wilson men were very grateful that that fury was directed at someone else. Marianne turned to the telephone.

 

Chapter 21: Unraveling

"Yes?" Robert Grant practically snarled as he stared blearily at the two police officers that stood in front of his door.

"Robert Grant?" One of the officers asked, polite in spite of the raised eyebrow he gave to the greeting.

Robert nodded curtly. He'd already had several drinks and his temper was starting to rouse itself.

"Mister Grant, we received a complaint this evening regarding you threatening, and manhandling, a young girl today."

"That was no girl," Robert snarled. "It was some mixed boy-girl freak."

The two officers looked at each other before the first turned back and regarded Robert with a glare. "Mister Grant, you are making it exceedingly tempting for me to run you in on an assault charge."

Robert wisely, despite the haze of alcohol, kept his mouth shut at that statement. He hadn't gotten as far as he had in life by being totally stupid.

"It is my advice to you, Mister Grant, that you stay well away from Audra Wilson. If we get another complaint, we will run you in and we would be very happy to do so." The officers turned and left before Robert could respond.

***

Robert Grant poured himself another drink, his face red from the combination of alcohol and suffused anger. "Fucking freak, it's been screwing with my family from the moment it escaped that hospital," Robert mumbled to himself.

Judy looked in on her husband, having heard the commotion at the front door. "Who was that Robert? At this hour?" Judy asked timidly from the door. From where she stood, she could see that Robert was well on his way to becoming very drunk.

Robert growled and turned around to face her. "Nothing, now fuck off. And send that worthless son of mine down here while you're at it."

Judy backed up a step. What she saw in Robert's face shocked her. It was evident that he was well past the point of reason, that his face carried danger and imminent violence. Judy silently began backing out of the room, fearful for her son and for herself.

Robert swirled his drink, spilling some of it over the edge of the glass. He stumbled as he weaved his way to the couch near the bar and fell heavily into the seat. He took a large gulp from his glass and slammed it on the end table beside him. Within seconds, he was snoring, passed out.

Judy started at the soft touch on her arm. "We have to get out of here," Amy whispered to her.

"Where?" Judy asked, feeling helpless, tears forming in her eyes.

***

Marianne was shocked awake by the ringing of the phone at her bedside table. "Hello?" She asked, fearful of bad news at such an hour.

"Marianne?" Asked the tentative voice at the other end of the line.

"Yes?" Marianne struggled to place the voice.

"It's Judy, Judy Grant. Oh Marianne, I need help!"

Marianne could hear the tears and strain in Judy's voice. They had been friends, but as Robert had become increasingly jealous and demanding, their visits and talks had fallen off. Marianne put that aside and sat up straight in bed. "What is the matter Judy?" she asked.

"It's… It's Robert. Marianne, he's losing it. He's become so violent. He drinks constantly and tonight he looked ready to kill. I'm so afraid." Judy practically whispered the last.

"Where is Robert now?" Marianne asked.

"He's passed out in the living room."

Marianne made a decision. While she had mixed feelings about Bobby, and she knew Audra would have even more, she had to get the kids and her friend out of that situation. "Alright Judy, I'll be there in fifteen minutes. You and the kids meet me on the street."

"Are you sure Marianne?" Judy asked, suddenly afraid of the reaction from Robert.

"I am. Now go and get ready," Marianne instructed.

***

Marianne pulled up to the curb at the Grant house and found an anxious Judy waiting with her children. It was obvious to Marianne that Judy was in a state of fear; she kept glancing back at her house as if afraid that Robert would come roaring out.

Judy hustled the two sleepy kids into the back of the minivan with the bags and climbed into the front passenger seat beside Marianne. "Thank you so much, I didn't know where else to turn," Judy told her gratefully, tears still streaming from her eyes.

Marianne smiled back reassuringly. "It's okay Judy. It will all be okay," she soothed. Marianne was well aware that Judy was an orphan and didn't have any immediate family that she knew of.

***

Bobby wasn't thrilled with their destination. He was, at best description, on extremely unfriendly terms with all of the Wilson children --- especially Audra --- and wasn't looking forward to spending any time there. His last conversation with Amy was an eye-opener and he had found himself thinking about her final words a lot. A small sense of shame was a more apt description of what Bobby was feeling and with shame came worry and fear.

James Wilson greeted them all at the door and Bobby found his presence strangely reassuring. James was one of those big men that projected the friendly bear image, the one that kids loved and found comforting. "He's seems like a dad," Bobby thought as he compared the friendly visage to the often angry face of his own father.

"I've made up rooms for you and Bobby," James was telling Judy as they brought their bags into the house. "However, Amy will have to share with Susie since we've run out of guest rooms."

"Can I ask a favor, Mister Wilson," Amy piped up.

"Sure Amy."

"Can I stay with Audra please?"

James and Judy were surprised by the question, knowing that Amy and Susie were friends, but Marianne wasn't. Having seen Amy and Audra together, she knew quite well that they were kindred spirits despite the age difference and that they had already grown close. "Of course you can Amy," Marianne told her gently.

***

Even with being unsurprised with Amy's request, Marianne was surprised by Susie's reaction.

"No problem mom," Susie said, showing no evidence of being upset.

"I thought you might have been a bit insulted," Marianne told her.

Susie shrugged. "Audra and Amy understand each other. It's a better setup."

Marianne smiled at her daughter and ruffled her hair. "You're a smart cookie you know."

Susie grinned. "Besides, Amy can probably talk her into being more girl-like."

"Devious too."

***

Audra surprised herself at being excited at having Amy stay with her. She did, however, have very mixed feelings about Bobby under their roof. While she understood the reason, her memories of torment from Bobby were far too fresh to be comfortable with him here.

Marianne and Judy smiled as they tucked the two girls in. Neither had missed the comforting hug that Audra had given Amy as she came in, and Judy was beginning to see why Amy had been so talkative about Audra to her.

"Okay, no staying up yakking girls," Marianne told them as she prepared to shut out the light.

Both girls made solemn promises to go to sleep quickly. Promises promptly disbelieved by the mothers at the doorway.

"I'm glad you're here," Audra whispered as the door closed. Amy squeezed her hand in thanks.

 

Chapter 22: Breaking the Ice

Audra woke up to sunlight streaming through the windows. At first, she was startled to find Amy there, still asleep, but then she remembered the events of last night and her whispered conversation with Amy. Audra leaned up on her elbow and watched her friend sleep, enjoying the peaceful expression on Amy's face. Without conscious thought, Audra lightly brushed away the hair from Amy's face, smiling absently.

Amy stirred at the touch and her eyes opened. She smiled up at Audra. "Good morning," she said.

"Good morning." Audra grinned in return. "I didn't wake you did I?"

Amy shook her head. "Thanks for letting me stay here," Amy added.

"No problem, I'm glad you're safe."

Amy shuddered. "Me too." Audra gave her a reassuring hug.

"Do you want to shower first? I take a while since I have medical things to do," Audra asked.

"Medical things?"

Audra blushed and looked uncomfortable. "It's hard to explain. It's not very pleasant though, it still hurts, but the doctor says I have to do it to keep things from closing up and needing more surgery."

Amy gave her friend a reassuring squeeze on the arm and nodded, not pressing the issue. "I'll just snooze some more while you shower," Amy told her with a small yawn.

***

Audra was still trying to figure out what to wear by the time Amy skipped back in from her shower. "Not dressed yet?!?" Amy asked, surprised to see Audra still wrapped in a towel.

"I'm looking for something that isn't too girly," Audra explained.

"Why?"

"Bobby."

Amy's eyes darkened. "Don't worry about him," Amy told her. "He won't say a thing if he knows what's good for him."

"Still…"

"What's in your closet?"

Audra shrugged, so Amy popped open the door to the walk-in and gasped. "Wow! Look at all the pretty clothes!" Amy exclaimed.

"I hadn't noticed," Audra admitted.

Amy turned and regarded her friend. "You haven't tried on a single thing in here have you?"

Audra shook her head.

"Why not?"

"It seemed like I would be giving up," Audra told her.

Amy gave her a puzzled look. "Giving up?"

"That if I wore a dress that I would never be a boy again."

Amy walked back to the bed and sat down. Audra's revelation was like her pushing Bobby about his attitudes, that if she stopped pushing, she would have given up. "Still," She wondered. "Is it the same?"

"Can I ask you something Audra?" Amy questioned.

Audra nodded, "Sure."

"Are you afraid that you would rather be a girl and that people would think that was wrong?"

The question rocked Audra, almost knocking her down. She started to speak several times, her mind whirling. It was if Amy, with one simple question, had reached in and touched her soul. Audra fell to her knees and began crying.

Amy, though surprised at the reaction, jumped up and ran to comfort her. "I'm sorry Audra!" she cried.

Audra shook her head and wiped at her tears. "No, it's okay. Really. I… I've just been asking myself that question for the last few days. I don't know anymore. I thought I did, but…"

Amy continued to hug her. "You've never given the girl in you a chance to be a girl," Amy observed.

"Not really," Audra admitted.

"Are you willing to try?"

Audra thought for a few moments and then nodded sharply, almost nervously.

Amy gave her a fierce hug in return and then favored her with a glorious smile. "Awesome! I wasn't going to lose my best girl friend now."

Audra laughed as the tension started to drain from her body.

***

The look on the faces of her friends and family was almost enough to make up for the nervous tension that Audra felt as she and Amy entered the kitchen for breakfast. In spite of her misgivings, Audra allowed Amy to dress her in a simple jean jumper skirt with a pink top. On her feet were matching pink socks and white tennis shoes. Never before had Audra dressed so obviously feminine and the shock her family felt was exceeded only by her own.

Audra and Amy linked arms and gave everyone a bright smile. "Hi, what's for breakfast?" Amy chirped as if nothing was out of the ordinary.

Marianne was the first to recover and gave Audra a puzzled smile. "Cereal, I'm afraid. Sit down girls, I'll bring you some bowls," she offered.

Audra and Amy sat at the table as everyone else continued to stare at them. Audra looked around and realized that someone was going to have to break the tension. "Do I have something on my shirt?" Audra asked with an innocent expression.

James shook his head as if clearing away cobwebs. "Err… no. You look wonderful sweetheart."

"Thank you daddy," Audra said with an impish grin.

Her father surprised her by grinning back and giving her a sudden wink. What seemed like a small gesture from her father suddenly meant a great deal to Audra. It was if her fears of being seen as less than what she should be had been banished in the easy and smiling acceptance of her father. Audra stood up and walked around the table and gave her father a fierce hug.

James hugged her back and lifted her face towards his with his hand cupped on her chin. "Never fear that I love and respect you. You make me proud," he told her seriously.

Bobby watched this exchange like somebody who had suddenly been exposed to an entirely different world. Despite knowing that Audra was a girl now, and making fun of it, Bobby hadn't really absorbed the concept. Seeing her, for the first time, in a truly feminine outfit was a surprise and drove home the reality of her situation.

Amy watched the expressions run through Bobby's face. She saw him move from surprise, to interest, and finally to longing. At first she thought that Audra, who was truly pretty, had caught his attention.

See the reaction of Audra's father, his love and acceptance, was a shock to everything Bobby's father had taught him. That reaction was more important to him than seeing Audra dressed completely feminine. He was witnessing what could have been his had his father truly cared about him.

Amy then saw Bobby's gaze had fallen squarely on Mister Wilson and she understood. She gave Bobby a look full of sympathy.

Bobby cleared his throat. Catching the look from Amy, he ducked away from her eyes and asked, "May I be excused?" As various parental assents came to him, he attempted a polite smile and backed out of the kitchen. Once the door had closed behind him, he bolted for the guest room.

***

"Bobby?" Amy practically whispered into the darkened room.

"What?" Bobby's rough reply had the edge of crying to it.

Amy walked calmly and slowly to the bed and sat down. Gently, she cradled her brother's head and stroked away the tears.

"Why?" Bobby demanded suddenly.

"Our bad luck?" Amy suggested.

Bobby shook his head. "I don't understand. He doesn't care about me."

"I know," Amy whispered.

"Why?" Bobby's question was so insistent, so full of pain.

"I don't know."

"I tried, I really tried."

"I know," Amy soothed. "You aren't like him. You shouldn't be like him. You know that, don't you?"

Bobby nodded in her lap. "I'm jealous of her, you know," he admitted.

"Who?"

"Audra."

"Yeah, I know, but you shouldn't be. Audra doesn't want to be here, at least not yet."

Bobby looked surprised and sat upright. "Why? She looks so natural, so perfect. I could never be like that."

Amy looked at the intense pain on the face of her brother as he admitted that. It was true, Amy couldn't deny it, Bobby would never look so feminine no matter how hard he tried. "Is that the only reason?" she asked.

"No," Bobby admitted. "Mister Wilson accepts her. He doesn't think less of her. He's proud of her. Why couldn't our father be proud of me?"

Amy shook her head. "He's not enough of a man," she told him.

Bobby looked at her in surprise.

"It's true. Real men don't need to be bullies to prove they are men."

"My daughter is as smart as she is pretty," Judy said from the doorway as both children looked at her in surprise. "And my son is more of a man than his father ever will be," she added with a soft smile.

Judy walked into the room and hugged both her children. "Bobby, I think you need to talk to Audra," she said as she released them.

Bobby nodded.

***

Audra looked up from her book as the shadow crossed her lounger at the side of the pool.

"Hi," Bobby said. "Can I sit down?"

Audra shrugged in response and went back to reading.

Bobby looked around at his surroundings, suddenly feeling awkward and afraid. Fear, in the company of his peers, was not something Bobby was very used to. "Audra, I…"

Audra put down her book and looked at him.

Bobby took a deep breath. "Look, I'm really sorry," he said.

Audra's eyes searched his face and she was surprised that his apology looked genuine.

"Nobody put me up to this, it's just something I had to say," Bobby told her with a serious look, feeling even more nervous with her lack of response as Audra kept staring at him. "I was being stupid, trying to show off. If you want to know the truth, I'm jealous of you!" Bobby blurted out before he could stop himself.

"Jealous?" Audra looked very surprised.

Bobby blushed a deep crimson. "Um… it's nothing," he mumbled.

Audra sat up and faced him. She sensed that Bobby was holding on to something. "I won't tell anyone," she said, staring him straight in the eye.

Bobby took another deep breath and saw the honesty in her expression. Suddenly the pent up frustration of his past rushed to the surface, and he told her. He told her everything. His desire to be a girl sometimes. His games with Amy. His dressing up. Most important of all, he told her his father's reaction. Throughout it all, Audra sat in surprised silence and then she understood. "You could sink me now," Bobby admitted as he finished.

Audra looked at him in the eyes again and favored him with her smile. "I accept your apology," she told him simply.

"You understand?" Bobby asked, surprised.

Audra nodded. "Sometimes, being what others want is pretty hard."

Bobby nodded agreement and smiled back. "You look really pretty you know," Bobby told her.

Audra smiled. "Thanks, Bobby."

 

Chapter 23: Lives Intertwining

Robert Grant woke with his mouth feeling as if it had been stuffed with cotton and his head thumping like a bass speaker playing rap music. He rolled himself to a sitting position on the couch and winced at the sunlight streaming through the curtains.

"Damn woman," Robert groused. "She didn't even bother to shut the drapes. Well, I'll teach her not to make that mistake again."

Robert stumbled his way into the kitchen, expecting Judy to have made a pot of coffee. He stared in sullen disbelief at the empty coffee pot, not even ready to brew. "What the fuck has gotten into her?" Robert asked himself as he prepared the coffee for himself. Robert sat himself down at the kitchen table and flicked on the kitchen television to catch the morning news and await the brewing of the coffee.

After drinking half of his cup, Robert began to feel more human and started to wonder just where, exactly, Judy and the kids could have gotten to this early in the morning. "Judy!" Robert bellowed from the kitchen in case she was still in bed. "Judy! You stupid bitch! Get down here right now!" Robert grew frustrated at the lack of answer.

"That brainless tart is going to get a real lesson in what happens when you fuck up," Robert grumbled as he pulled himself up the staircase to the bedrooms. He was surprised to find his bedroom empty, and a quick look at the children's bedrooms confirmed that they too were gone. It wasn't until he sat on his bed that he saw the note pinned to his pillow.

Robert,

Last night was the final straw in our relationship, if you could call it that. It was more like abusive slavery to me. I couldn't take it anymore, my heart was breaking for the lost loving marriage that we once had and for the fear I saw in the eyes of our children whenever you were around. You're out of control and I refuse to deal with it any longer.

I have taken the children someplace safe and I plan to file for divorce as soon as possible. For the safety of the children, I intend to seek sole custody with no visitation rights for you. With your continued physical and mental abuse of Bobby, I have no doubt that I will win that right.

It's over Robert and you have only yourself to blame.

Judy

Robert read the letter twice, his mind unable to comprehend that Judy had found the spine to defy him like this. He sat there with the neatly written note in his hand and felt the rage build inside him. "How dare she!" Robert shouted. "How dare she try to take my son from me! How dare she walk away from me! That bitch will pay."

Robert crumpled the paper and flung it at the wall as he surged to his feet. That simple act of anger did not nearly satisfy his rage, and so he swept his arm across the top of Judy's dresser, flinging her things across the room. He then stormed downstairs to his home office and poured himself a drink. Sitting in his desk chair, his mind seethed with anger. "I'll show her," he snarled. "When I'm done with her, she'll get nothing, not even the fucking children. Grants don't lose." Robert pulled his lawyer's number from the rolodex and began to dial.

***

"Do you have a lawyer, Judy?" Marianne asked as Judy explained the note she had left for Robert last night. The two women were chatting at the kitchen table while the children played in the pool under the watchful eye of Ken. James had already left for work.

Judy shook her head. "I was hoping to find one today," she admitted.

"I know somebody who is really good at this sort of thing Judy," Marianne suggested.

"I would be very grateful."

"Let me call her and see if she can see you today." Marianne gave Judy a reassuring smile and dialed the phone.

"Hi, it's Marianne Wilson calling. May I speak to Lucy Morgan please?" Marianne said into the phone when it was answered.

Marianne waited patiently as her call was transferred to Lucy Morgan.

"Marianne! What a lovely surprise!" Lucy exclaimed as she answered the phone.

"Lucy, it's so nice to talk to you again," Marianne told her.

"So, what do I owe for this pleasure? A social call or business?"

"Business I'm afraid," Marianne admitted. "Though I would love to meet for lunch!"

"I can pry myself free today," she laughed. "What's the nature of the business?"

"A friend of mine really needs your help Lucy. It's very important and I would like to expedite it as much as possible."

"Hmm… sounds serious. Well, I was planning paperwork catch-up this morning, but I can put it off. Can you come down with your friend right now? She and I can meet, you can pester the office staff, and then we can go to lunch."

Marianne laughed in turn. "Pester the staff?" she asked.

"They miss you. Good lawyers are hard to find, especially ones that treat the staff like real people with lives. Why don't you come back?"

"Audra now. And my reasons for leaving haven't changed either."

"I understand. I miss you being here as well though."

"Same here, sometimes," Marianne admitted. "We'll be down to the office within the hour Lucy. Don't rush out on us!"

"Never! Kisses."

"Kisses."

Marianne hung up the phone and turned back to Judy. "Are you ready for this?" she asked.

Judy nodded, taking a deep breath to quell her panic over this decision.

"I should warn you, Lucy is a bundle of energy, she'll leave you a little breathless. She is, however, the best divorce lawyer in the city," Marianne soothed.

Judy smiled nervously.

***

Marianne led Judy into the tastefully appointed law office. "Don't worry," Marianne whispered to Judy. "They only look expensive."

Judy smiled nervously as Marianne had the receptionist inform Lucy Morgan of their arrival.

"Go straight in Marianne. You know the way," the receptionist told her with a friendly smile.

Marianne led Judy through the maze of cubicles and offices of the law firm until they arrived at Lucy Morgan's tastefully appointed corner office. It was immediately evident to Judy that Lucy Morgan was a very senior member of the law firm if she was occupying an office such as this.

"Marianne!" Lucy gave her old friend a hug and then she looked curiously a Judy.

"Lucy," Marianne began the introductions. "Meet Judy Grant. Judy, this is Lucy Morgan."

"Lucy, please," Lucy instructed with a kind smile as she reached out to take Judy's hand.

"Judy. I'm pleased to meet you Lucy," Judy said as she returned the surprisingly firm handshake.

"Marianne, why don't you let Lucy and I chat and when we're done, we'll dig you up and go to lunch?" Lucy asked.

Marianne smiled her agreement and gave Judy a comforting squeeze of the arm.

***

Judy was nearly exhausted by the time Lucy had finished questioning and probing. "Marianne is right," Judy thought. "This woman is a bundle of energy."

"Okay Judy, I have all of the basic information. My assistant will file both the summons and the pre-trial orders while we're at lunch. Given the nature of the case, I'm going to try and have a judge issue an ex parte order to forbid your husband to have any contact with you or your children while this is proceeding."

Judy nodded. "How long will this take?" she asked.

"It depends. If we're lucky, I can get a judge to look at the basics today and issue some orders. If the sheriff's office moves quickly, that makes it even easier to get it together."

Judy took a deep breath and smiled her thanks.

"How do you feel?" Lucy asked, compassion showing on her face.

"Scared," Judy admitted.

"That's normal. However, you have a very good friend in Marianne and she'll help you a great deal."

"Marianne has been a god-send," Judy agreed. "I'm worried about what Robert will do. He scares me and I'm very much afraid. I wish my parents were still alive." Judy felt the tears starting to flow.

Lucy reached over and handed her a tissue. "Do you have any other immediate family?" she asked.

Judy shook her head.

"Judy, this is a difficult question to ask, but have you made arrangements for your children?"

"What do you mean?" Judy looked surprised at the question.

Lucy gently took Judy's hand. "If something were to happen to you, one of two things could happen to the children. Either Robert would end up with custody or they could end up in foster care. There are other possibilities, but that would very much depend on family circumstances."

Judy gave her a frightened look. "Do you think that could happen?" she asked.

"It's extremely unlikely, but it is best to be prepared for any situation."

Judy looked wistful for a few moments. "I guess that's not likely," she muttered to herself.

"What's that?" Lucy asked, barely catching what Judy had said.

"I… Well… I'd want Mari and James to look after my children," Judy admitted. "They are such wonderful people, my children deserve as much. Look at the beautiful children they have raised."

Lucy gave her a warm smile. "I envy Marianne her family; they are special. It's just a precaution Judy. We can only ask Marianne and James to consider it."

***

Robert and his lawyer were in his home office discussing their preparations for a possible divorce proceeding when the doorbell rang. Robert cursed and excused himself to answer the door.

"Mister Robert Grant?" asked the young man in the uniform of the sheriff's office.

"Yes?" Robert grunted.

"I have a summons for you under the jurisdiction of the divorce courts." The young man presented a Robert with an envelope. "Consider yourself served," he said formally.

Robert snatched the envelope and slammed the door shut. Stomping back to his office, he flung the envelope at the lawyer. "It didn't take her long," Robert snarled.

Michael Gerrard, Robert's lawyer, opened the letter and began reading. "Whew," he commented, his eyes going a little wide.

"What?" Robert demanded.

"Well, your wife has certainly lined up big guns," Michael told him. "Lucy Morgan is her lawyer."

"Who the fuck is Lucy Morgan?"

"The best divorce lawyer in the city."

"A woman?" Robert looked incredulous.

"Robert, get out of the stone ages for a moment. Lucy Morgan has yet to lose a divorce case and she doesn't take easy ones. She's good. Damn good. We need to get you an experienced divorce lawyer," Michael suggested.

"What the hell am I paying you for?"

"I'm not a divorce lawyer."

"I don't give a damn. I didn't get to where I am by throwing money around. Read up on it and figure it out. How complicated can it be?"

Michael sighed. "Alright, I gave you my advice. It's the best I can do. First thing I have to do is go into court and try to prevent a judge from issuing a restraining order against you."

"A restraining order?" Robert looked surprised.

Michael stared at Robert for a minute. It was obvious to the lawyer that Robert just didn't get it. That he couldn't comprehend what was happening with his wife and that a woman lawyer could be better than any male. "Yes," Michael final told him. "A restraining order. Judy alleges that you are physically and verbally abusive to her and the children. The court acts fast under those accusations."

"It's bullshit! I'm firm, but fair. I'm not abusive!" Robert denied vehemently.

"Robert, I need to know the truth. Have you ever hit Judy?"

"No!" Robert knew he was lying to his lawyer, but he still figured he could pressure Judy into changing her story.

"I see," Michael said, not believing what he was told for a minute.

***

"I have to ask James," Marianne finally got out after Judy and Lucy dropped the bombshell guardianship question on her at lunch. "I'm flattered that you think so highly of us."

"Of course you have to talk to James," Lucy agreed. "This is a precaution only, as you know."

Marianne nodded.

***

"Your Honor, my client contends that Mister Grant is abusive. That he drinks heavily and has verbally and physically assaulted her and her son on a regular basis. My client is willing to undergo an evaluation to verify this claim, but in the meanwhile we think it is prudent that we err on the side of caution," Lucy argued before the judge.

"My client, your Honor, is a respected member of the business community. He has not shown a history of violence and has a clean record. He adores his children and wishes to be able to see them while this situation proceeds," Michael objected.

"Miss Morgan, this is a valid point," the Judge noted.

"Not entirely true, your Honor. Last night, Mister Grant was cautioned by the police after he accosted and threatened an eleven year old girl. The police report indicated that he appeared to be quite inebriated when the officers talked to him and that he was belligerent in his attitude, admitting that he had committed the act, and showed no remorse." Lucy offered the documents and notes on the events by the police to the bailiff.

Michael cursed Robert under his breath as the Judge read the documents.

"Mister Gerrard?" the Judge asked.

"I haven't seen these documents, your Honor," Michael admitted. The bailiff walked the documents to his table and Michael gave them a quick read and found them rather damning. "I'm afraid that I'm not prepared to discuss these. I can only point out that one event does not make a pattern."

"I agree," the Judge noted. "However, Miss Morgan is correct in that it is better to err on the side of caution, especially in light of recent events. I'd suggest, Mister Gerrard, that if you are going to represent your client in this court that you get a much stronger handle on his personal life."

Michael nodded, looking a little embarrassed.

"This court hereby orders that a retraining order be placed on one Robert Grant. He is not to knowingly approach within one mile of the plaintiff or her children without the presence of registered officers of the court for both parties until further notice. As the plaintiff is currently residing elsewhere, he may continue to remain in his primary place of residence, but he must provide an opportunity within the next forty-eight hours for the plaintiff to retrieve items of personal property without his presence.

"In addition, in the interest of verifying the claims before the court, the plaintiff and her children are to undergo medical and psychiatric assessment by competent members of the medical community within seven days. Results of these assessments are to be presented to the court within fourteen days and the conditions of the retraining order will be reviewed at such time. Court is adjourned." The Judge rapped her gavel sharply.

***

"For Christ's sake Robert, why didn't you tell me about last night?" Michael shouted as he met Robert after the session in court.

"What about last night? Nothing happened," Robert asserted, trying to remember what Michael was talking about.

"You don't remember?" Michael looked surprised. "Two cops showed up at your door and warned you about accosting a young girl. How can you not remember that?"

"That thing is not a girl," Robert snarled.

"What do you mean?"

"It used to be a boy."

Michael rolled his eyes. "Robert, it doesn't matter one damn bit. I'm in that court arguing that you're a loving father with no history of violence and this little tidbit of information is sitting in the hands of Lucy Morgan. I have to know these things damn it!"

Robert waved away the issue. "You're a man, she's just some airhead of a woman, deal with it. That's why I pay you a lot of money."

Michael sighed again. "Why am I doing this?" he asked himself. He knew why, of course, Robert paid him a lot of money, more money than he was willing to give up. "Even if it means dealing with a whacked misogynist," Michael thought.

"Well, the judge issued the retraining order," Michael told him, filling him in on the details.

"So?"

"Robert, you have a remarkable head for business, but you are being exceedingly dense in this matter!"

"Don't push your luck," Robert advised with a growl.

"Let me put it this way: if you violate the order, your ass is in jail. Just be very well behaved, follow the instructions, and we'll work at getting this lifted. Alright?" Michael asked.

Robert gave him a sharp nod. "Make sure it happens. I don't want my son in the clutches of that woman much longer. I'm already going to have to undo some of the foolish notions she's put in his head."

Michael bit his tongue to avoid responding.

***

"It's a precaution?" James asked his wife that night.

"Not uncommon, though it usually involves family in this type of proceeding. Unfortunately, Judy doesn't have any immediate family and we've already seen what the Grant family turns out," Marianne told him.

"What do you think?"

Marianne thought for a moment. "Well, it's a hard choice. I'd much rather the two children ended up here than the alternatives," Marianne noted.

James nodded agreement. "It's unlikely to happen and I agree with you. Neither of the likely courses are ones that children should have to face."

"Alright then, I'll have Lucy send the papers and tell Judy our decision." Marianne kissed her husband. "You're a wonderful man you know?"

"Hey, you'll give me a swelled head!"

 

Chapter 24: Getting Past It

Mike Davidson was quite surprised to find Bobby on the pool deck with Audra, Amy, and Susie. He was even more surprised that they appeared to be getting along okay. "Uh, hey," Mike said as he walked.

"Hey Mike," Audra replied as everyone else echoed.

"What's going on?" asked Mike with a puzzled expression on his face.

"What do you mean?" Audra countered with a sly grin.

"I mean, uh, I don't know!" Mike gave a pointed look at Bobby.

Audra decided to let him off the hook. "Bobby, Amy, and their mom are staying with us for a bit."

"You don't have to tap dance around it," Bobby commented. "Look Mike, I'm sorry. I apologized to Audra too. I was a jerk, a big one just like my father. My parents are splitting up."

Mike sat down, looking a bit surprised at the apology and the information. "Wow, sorry to hear that," he said.

"I'm not," Bobby said as Amy nodded agreement.

Mike's brain finally registered something that his eyes had been telling him since arriving. "Hey, you're wearing a skirt!" Mike exclaimed, looking at Audra.

Audra blushed. "So?" she asked dangerously.

"Uh, nothing. It looks good on you," Mike told her.

Susie leaned over and whispered to Mike, "You're batting zero."

"You think so?" asked Audra as she stood up and twirled.

Mike nodded. "Yeah, it does," he confirmed, hoping that he managed to improve his batting average.

"Thanks." Audra gave him a smile as she sat back down.

"Okay, you're up to five hundred," Susie whispered at him again. Mike rolled his eyes at her as she grinned back.

"Where's the folks?" Mike asked.

"Mom and Judy are at a lawyer's office," Susie told him.

"Can we go swimming?"

***

Ken wasn't amused at being dragged down to the pool, but he relented. "Better than having five kids bugging the hell out of me," he mused as he plopped himself into a deck chair with a book. He watched the kids lay out their towels and put on sunscreen when he noticed that Audra was starting to behave a bit more like Susie and Amy, like she was consciously studying the way the other girls moved.

"I wonder if this is something new," Ken thought. "Sort of like the skirt thing this morning." In a strange way, Ken was pleased that his new sister was beginning to adapt a bit more to her situation. He returned his thoughts to his book as the kids began to play in the pool.

***

Ken looked up as a soggy Audra flopped down into the deck chair beside him. "How's it going slugger?" he asked.

"Okay," Audra admitted, feeling wonderfully tired.

"Can I ask you something?"

Audra nodded.

"Why the skirt this morning?"

"Well, Amy talked me into it," replied Audra defensively. "I was trying to find something that wasn't too girly because of Bobby and she told me to try going all girly. It kind of made sense at the time."

"Why because of Bobby?" asked Ken.

"Well, I just figured it would be easier."

"There's nothing wrong with being a girl," Ken told her.

"Do you want to be one?" Audra demanded.

"Nope, but that has nothing to do with it being good or bad. Audra, you had no more control over it than Susie did."

"I guess so."

"Seriously. Did you think we get to decide these things?" Ken pressed.

"Well, no," admitted Audra.

"Is it getting better?"

"A little, it's not as hard as it was. Am I failing?"

"Failing?" Ken looked surprised.

"Wearing a skirt seemed like giving up. You know, like I didn't want to be a boy anymore. Isn't that failing?" Audra's eyes pleaded with him.

Ken sat back and regarded his sister. "Now I understand it. She sees becoming more of a girl as some sort of failure," he thought to himself.

"You're not a failure," Ken told her. "You're a hero, really. You could have curled up and died, but you fought on."

"But, I gave in."

"No you didn't. You grew up a bit."

"But, Julie says that they could undo this, doctors I mean."

"The best they could do is fake it. Yeah, you could do that, but are you sure that's what you want?" asked Ken.

"I don't know anymore," Audra replied, shrugging helplessly.

"Sounds like you're getting past it."

 

Chapter 25: Lives Intertwined

"We've made arrangements with Robert to get some of my things," Judy told Marianne the next morning. "I can't tell you how much I appreciate what you and James are doing for us, especially with the custodial agreement."

"It's okay Judy, we're happy to help," Marianne replied.

"Do you think we should tell the children?"

Marianne shook her head. "No, it would only alarm them and it's just a precaution. Do you want me to come with you today?"

"No," Judy replied. "I need to do this myself."

Marianne placed her hand on Judy's arm. "I understand."

***

"Look Robert, you haven't got a choice here. Just go out and take in a ball game or something," Michael Gerrard suggested.

"It's my damn house, why do I have to be away while she roots about for things?" Robert looked angry.

"Because a Judge said so."

"A damn woman Judge," Robert snarled. "They're all in this together."

"A woman Judge that'll throw you in jail if you don't follow the instructions," Michael reminded him.

"Alright, damn it!" Robert stormed out of the house with Michael following.

"I'll call you on your cell when she leaves," Michael told him.

"Are you staying here?"

"No, Lucy Morgan will call when she's done."

"How long will the bitch be here?"

"A few hours, I'd guess," Michael replied.

"Damn!"

***

By the time Judy arrived at her house, Robert was already in a bar getting completely soused. She was very much relieved that he wasn't there, half-expecting that he would be there defying the orders of the court. As she entered the house, her mind flashed back to a time when she and Robert had been such a loving couple. It had been wonderful, Robert had treated her so well. That began to change, though, with the birth of Amy. Robert was upset that their eldest was a girl. He blamed Judy as though she had anything to do with the decision.

Things did get better when Bobby was born, but that lasted until Bobby began to experiment with Amy's clothes. Robert, again, blamed her. Their relationship went downhill very fast from there. "Oh Robert, why couldn't it have been different," Judy whispered into the empty house.

Slowly, almost painfully, Judy made her way up to the bedroom. She was shocked to see the destruction of some her things, obviously a result of Robert's reaction to her letter. Judy sat on the bed and cried.

***

"Fucking bitch," Robert grumbled at the bartender. "I gave her everything and this is how she repays me."

"That's the way of it man. The women get the gold mine, the men get the shaft," the bartender said in commiseration as he filled up Robert's drink.

"Well, she ain't getting anything from me!"

"That's what I thought when I got divorced," the bartender told him. "Damn courts, though, they give everything to the woman and then they make you pay every month on top of that. The only thing that ends it is death or remarriage."

Robert stared at the bartender blearily. "Yeah," he mused out loud. An idea was germinating in his head. "What do I owe you?" he asked the bartender as he made a sudden decision.

***

After Judy composed herself she decided that it might be easier to pack some things for the children first, so she made her way to Amy's room. As she was packing some of the things that she had seen Amy wear regularly, Judy failed to hear the front door opening.

Robert made his way up the stairs to the bedrooms. He knew that Judy was still there from the van parked in the driveway, but he didn't care. "No woman Judge is going to tell me what to do," Robert muttered as he entered the bedroom. He noticed that the room had been straightened a little, but Judy wasn't in it. He realized that she was in Amy's room from the sounds coming from the hallway.

Robert pulled a wooden box from his closet and sat it on the bed. He opened it to reveal a gleaming Ruger Vaquero revolver lovingly maintained. He drew the pistol and checked that six rounds were loaded in it. His hand stroked the pistol and he whispered at it, "The bitch gets nothing."

***

The four children were sitting in the kitchen when they heard the sirens go by. "You want to go see what's happening?" Bobby asked the group.

The others shrugged and followed Bobby from the house as Marianne smiled assent and went back to watching the midday news.

The children followed the sounds of the sirens as the led towards Bobby and Amy's house. Audra could see that both were getting a little nervous as they got closer. They arrived to find a number of police cars surrounding the Grant house and the area cordoned off. A crowd had already gathered and many of the police had their guns drawn.

Amy spotted the familiar face of Michael Gerrard amidst the police and began running towards the area. "Mister Gerrard!" Amy called out as a police officer grabbed her before she could cross the line. "Mister Gerrard!"

Michael spotted Amy and Bobby in the crowd, closely followed by two girls, and made his way to the barrier. "Amy? You and Bobby shouldn't be here."

"What's going on?" Amy demanded as the police officer released her.

"The police are taking care of it," Michael tried to reassure her.

"Is my mom okay?"

Michael nodded, but he looked worried.

***

"… Hostage-taking drama in the affluent west side," the television announcer said, catching Marianne's attention. She turned to watch the news go live to the scene and was horrified to see it was Judy's house.

"Our understanding, so far, is that the estranged husband of a Missus Judy Grant has taken her hostage," the on-scene reporter explained in the news cast. "We don't have a lot of details, but it appears that Robert Grant, the husband, arrived at the house in spite of a court order and has threatened to kill her if she doesn't turn over their son. The police were notified when Missus Grant had failed to check in with her lawyer and Mister Grant's vehicle was found at the scene."

Marianne didn't wait for any more information as she bolted out of the house after the children.

***

"Mister Grant! I'm Detective Bolton, we have your house surrounded. This is a foolish activity. Come out with your hands in the air and nobody will get hurt," Detective Bolton shouted through the bullhorn.

Robert peaked through the curtains and took another pull from the whiskey bottle before looking at his cowering wife on the sofa. "You stupid bitch," he snarled. "Now the fucking cops are here. What do you think you're doing? You can't survive without me, you're too stupid to make it on your own." Robert smacked her across the face.

Judy attempted to shield herself.

"Well?" Robert demanded.

Judy just shook her head and continued to cry.

"Stop that sniveling," Robert instructed as he waved the pistol at her and drank some more. "It's only pissing me off. Useless thing. You were lucky to have me."

The phone rang and Robert snatched it up. "What?" he demanded into it.

"Mister Grant," Detective Bolton said from the other end of the line. "This is Detective Bolton. We have to talk."

"Talk about what?" Robert asked harshly.

"You're making a mistake. What do you hope to gain?" Bolton asked him.

"Grants don't lose."

"You're losing now Mister Grant and you're only making it worse."

"Fuck you!" Robert shouted into the phone and slammed it back onto the receiver.

Robert turned to look at Judy again. "Death or marriage they tell me," he remarked, almost casually.

Judy looked up in surprise.

"You get everything," Robert shouted. "Unless you're dead or married again!"

Judy shook her head.

"I can't let some pussy look after my son," Robert told her.

"Too late," Judy whispered. Suddenly, she had become very calm. Robert's veiled threats and statements had crystallized for her, she almost welcomed the inevitable end of this encounter.

"What the fuck are you babbling about?" Robert all but shouted.

"You'll never get custody of out children. Never. I've signed guardianship agreements with Marianne and James Wilson." Judy, for the first time in her marriage, had ceased to care what Robert felt or thought.

"The Wilsons? The parents of that thing?!?"

"For the first time, our children might finally find out what real parents are like. Kind, loving parents who will raise them to do the right things and be successful adults." Judy was almost mocking him at this point.

All Robert could see was red.

***

Marianne arrived on the scene as the single, loud, report of a pistol echoed through the neighborhood. The crowd screamed in shock as Marianne desperately looked around for the children.

The police suddenly leapt into action and stormed the house as Marianne spotted the children near the police barrier. She ran to them as Audra and Susie grabbed their two friends and tried to comfort them. As she arrived, she could see Audra holding Bobby in a comforting embrace as he struggled to hold back tears of fear. Amy felt no such restraint and openly wept into Susie arms.

Marianne gathered all four children to her as several more shots rang out in the house and ambulances began arriving. She looked up as the shadow of both Michael Gerrard crossed her vision. "Where?" she asked.

"Grace Hospital," Michael told her. "I wish we could have met again under better circumstances Marianne."

Marianne nodded, still holding the children. "I have to call James," she told him.

"Lucy told me about the arrangement," Michael stated.

Marianne nodded again.

"I tried… he wouldn't listen." Michael gave her a helpless look.

"I know."

***

Marianne arrived at Grace Hospital with the children shortly after James did. "Any word?" she asked her husband.

James shook his head and drew her away from the children. "It's not good. She was shot in the head from close range, but the doctors have to try."

"Robert?"

"He was shot as well, by the police, and may not make it."

Marianne felt the tears leak from her eyes as she looked over at the four children. Audra was still holding Bobby who was struggling to hold in his grief. "Do we tell them?" she asked.

"Wait for now," James suggested. "Lucy is with the doctors."

Marianne nodded.

***

Marianne and James followed Lucy Morgan into the private room. Both had an unreal sense of déjà vu. It seemed as if entering this room always brought them distressing news. They sat down in the provided chairs.

"James, Marianne," Lucy began and took a deep breath. "Judy didn't make it."

Marianne started to cry as James asked, "Robert?"

"He's touch and go. He's under police guard and will be formally arrested and charged if he wakes up. Doesn't seem likely though."

"The children?" Marianne asked.

"Well, as per the agreement, the children are being turned over to your guardianship pending the trial and any challenges from the Grant family."

"I have to tell them," James stated.

Lucy nodded and went out to fetch the children.

Amy could see it in Jame's face. "No," she whispered.

James took both of them into his arms and looked at them sadly. "I have bad news," he told them.

Amy shook her head wildly. "No!"

"I'm sorry," James whispered at them hoarsely.

"No! Momma!" Amy screamed and leapt from his arms to be caught by Audra who held her tightly. Amy collapsed and wracking sobs could be heard as she clung to her friend.

Bobby sat on James's lap, numb, with tears streaming down his face.

 

Chapter 26: Aftermath

"We commend unto thy hands of mercy, most merciful Father, the soul of this thy child; and we commit her body to the ground, earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust…"

Audra held Amy close to her as the priest read his final statements. Neither children wanted to attend the funeral of their father. He had died in hospital from his wounds, in spite of the efforts of the staff to save him.

The last couple of days had been hectic. Marianne and James arranged the funeral for Judy and took care of various affairs for the children. Robert had left Bobby as his sole heir, but Michael Gerrard had indicated that he would not fight a challenge to that if it allowed Amy half. The money was placed into trust and stipend was made available to assist in the raising of the children.

Amy and Audra were to share a bedroom, though Susie had offered as well. The two girls had grown exceedingly close over the weeks and had refused to be separated. Susie joked that she had lost her best friend to her sister, but had gotten a sister out of the deal so it was okay.

***

Marianne and James gathered the five children in the family room several weeks after the funeral. He was proudly holding a legal looking document in his hands as he smiled around the room. "Well, I never expected such a large family, but I am happy to have it," he announced.

"It's done?" Ken asked.

"It's done," James affirmed. "Officially, Bobby and Amy are now your brother and sister. Just in time for school too. The court signed the adoption papers today."

"We're sisters now!" Amy hugged Audra.

"Sisters?" Audra asked with a sly grin.

"Sisters! And don't you forget it girl!"

"I think this calls for a party," Marianne noted.

Ken noted Bobby's pained expression. "It's okay sport, you need to celebrate and to mourn. This is what your mom wanted," he said as he grasped Bobby's arm.

"It is?" Bobby asked.

"It is," Marianne told him, interrupting Ken. "We wouldn't have done this if your mother hadn't asked us to. She wants you to grow up the best you can be and she trusted us to help you do that if she couldn't be here. We won't let her down and we won't let you forget her. She loved you Bobby and the least we can do is love you too."

For the first time since the funeral, Bobby began to cry. Marianne took him into her arms and stroked his head softly. "Thank you," Bobby whispered.

"Both of you should know that you are our children now," James added quietly. "You are no different to us than Ken, Susie, or Audra. Welcome home."

"Welcome home," Audra echoed.

Everybody's got someone they call home…

 

Author's Note

I hope this rewrite turned out better for you. I struggled over the decision to do this for a while, but decided to go for it anyways, despite the fact that what was written before is out there and is now a part of history as it were. As I said in the introduction, many people provided amazing feedback on the story and I am grateful. I certainly hope that their input had an impact and that they can feel a part of this story coming about to some degree.

As with the first version, this is not the end. This is a big piece of the story, but not the whole tale. There is a sequel planned and, hopefully, that is a good thing for you! Anyways, look forward to seeing Audra in school for the first time as she continues to struggle with her identity. Speaking of identity struggles, Bobby has his own to consider! It will be, I hope, a wild ride.

For those interested, the lyrics I used come from Roger Water's Radio K.A.O.S. album. Waters is best known as the lead singer and bass player for Pink Floyd before they split up. In particular, the song Home resonates very strongly with me and seemed to fit the development of Audra very well. The very last line in the story is from that song and yes, Sylvester, the tide is turning.

*hugs*

Joanne

This story may be archived on any site that does not charge a fee for reading. How you format and split the file for archiving is up to you, I'm not that fussy about it. If you want it in a different format (e.g. RTF) than is presented on my site, just drop me an email and I'll see what I can do.

  

  

  

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