Author's Note: Shortly after the first version of this story was posted to the Internet, I received some incredibly good advice about what I was doing right and what I was doing wrong. I'm extremely grateful for that strong and detailed critique --- enough that I felt it completely necessary to revisit this story and try to make it better. Equally as important, I felt that too much was left dangling after the first attempt was done. Re-reading it, I found myself feeling dissatisfied in the way it ended. Thus, Audra: A New Life Redux.

The story, through chapter 6, hasn't changed that much. I've added some details, particularly around the characters, to provide a better view of them. I've also added some additional context around the critical decision that the parents make, since it's really the driver of this story. Beyond chapter 6? Big time changes, especially in the story focus and how it progresses. The original story got muddled between attempting to tell the struggle Audra goes through, play up my own transgender nature, and the motivations for Bobby beyond chapter 6. It didn't work for me when I went back to it and thus becomes the point of real divergence in Redux.

Special thanks to Aardvark for his advice and suggestions, they were beyond excellent. All the usual copyright and "viewing if you're legal" rules apply. There is no sex in this story (the character is far too young) but there is implied violence. It is a work of fiction and all the characters are fictional; any similarities to the living are chance.

 

Audra: A New Life Redux

Joanne Foxcourt

 

Chapter 1: Ransom Demands.

"Remember honey, come straight home after the game," said Aaron's mom, "we have your grandparents visiting."

"I will mom," replied Aaron as he grabbed his baseball glove and hat from the front table. He smiled happily at the start of a new summer with baseball, grandparents, and all of the other fun things kids get to do on their summer vacation. Aaron had just turned eleven and, while he was small for his age, he was actually a pretty good athlete. He was also a real baseball fanatic because its lack of physical contact gave him a better chance against the boys who were bigger than him.

Aaron's size was unusual for the men in his family. Both his father and older brother were quite a bit bigger when they were his age. He was more like his older sister and mother; small, compact, and cute rather than handsome. He sometimes got teased for his cuteness, looking more like a girl could be a real burden for a young boy, but because of his baseball ability and his general friendliness, the teasing was usually good natured.

Aaron led a good life. His family was very well off, courtesy of both inheritances and a father who had very sound business sense. They lived in a fancy neighborhood and he and his siblings attended a prestigious private school. Being a smart lad in a moneyed family meant very bright prospects for Aaron as he got older. Of course, being eleven, he didn't really think about those issues.

***

As Aaron tore down the street on his bicycle, he failed to notice the dark van that had pulled out from around the corner of a nearby street. The van had tinted windows and a license plate that was obscured by dirt and road dust. The swarthy man behind the wheel nodded at his shorter companion beside him, "Is this the one we want?"

"That's him. He's perfect for us. Wealthy family, young, easily controlled. We can make a lot of money for the cause if we grab him."

"Do you want to grab him now or wait until after his game?"

"Wait for the game. He is rushed now; he may not stop for us. Besides, it will give us a chance to study him and maybe we will see some other potential sources of revenue amongst his friends."

The driver nodded again and turned to pass Aaron as both headed to the baseball diamond. As the men parked their van a few minutes later, they watched Aaron enter the parking lot and chain up his bike, getting ready for the first game of the season. Most of his team was already there and the men could see that the other team was also getting ready to go. They found themselves some seats in the bleachers and settled in to watch them play.

***

"Hey Aaron, ready for the big game?" shouted out Aaron's best friend Mike.

"I was born ready Mike!" Aaron laughed at him. It was their superstitious ritual like many athletes have; they had been doing it for years. Mike and Aaron were almost always together and often found in the same pot of trouble when they let their better sense get ahead of them. They were pretty good kids, but boys will be boys. Where Aaron was small, somewhat delicate, Mike was much bigger and more aggressive. He protected Aaron from much of the teasing his small size would otherwise have cost him.

"Can you hang out after?" Mike asked.

"Nah, my grandparents are coming over today and I promised my mom that I'd go straight home."

"Nuts." Mike was disappointed, but the summer was just starting and they'd be hanging out a lot together anyways.

Aaron laughed again and shrugged with that "what can I do" kind of shrugs that all kids seem to be able to use. He wasn't that unhappy about it though, he loved visiting with his grandparents.

Soon after that, the home plate umpire shouted, "Play ball!"

***

After the celebration of the win, 7-4 with Aaron scoring twice, he slapped a high five with his friend Mike and jumped on his bike for the ride home. Aaron was feeling pretty happy: he won, scored some runs, and his grandparents were coming to visit. All in all, he though, this was turning into a glorious day.

"Hey kid!"

Aaron looked up at the van that had pulled up beside him and the smiling face of the man at the passenger window. Aaron pulled over his bike as the van came to a stop and the two men climbed out. "Yes sir?" Aaron asked, politely. His parents had taught him to be polite, especially to adults.

"My friend and I are a little lost, we're looking for State Lane and we haven't had much luck finding it," said the man as he pulled out a hand drawn map.

Aaron didn't have either the native caution of girls or the street caution of poorer youths growing up in the inner city. He leaned over to look at the map, "You're close, sir, all you need to do is…" His voice fell silent as he felt the prick of a needle and the world started to go black. His mind screamed help, but nothing came out of his mouth.

Both men acted quickly. They lifted Aaron into the van through the side door. The former passenger picked up the bike and climbed in after him. The driver jumped in behind the wheel and the van sped off down the road.

***

"Where is that boy?!?" Marianne, Aaron's mom fumed. "He was supposed to be home hours ago!"

"Have you called Mike's place, mom?" Susie asked. "He usually goes there after his baseball games."

"He had better not, but I guess I'd better check."

"Don't get too upset with the lad, Mari," said Aaron's grandmother, "he's just a boy and he's doing what all little boys have done for centuries." Aaron's grandfather laughed at that and nodded wisely in agreement as he looked at his son, Aaron's dad who was also chuckling.

"Still, I'll call and get him to shake his tail home," replied Marianne as she picked up the phone in the parlor and dialed Mike's home. "Hi June, its Marianne, is Aaron over there? I see… Okay… Thanks June."

"He's not there. Mike told his mother that Aaron left for home straight after the game." Marianne looked worried. "Ken would you take a look around the neighborhood for your brother?"

"Sure mom. Don't worry, I'll find the little brat and bring him home." Ken smiled reassuringly. Ken teased his brother a lot, but he was thinking that this was pretty unlike him; the kid was normally pretty reliable when he made a promise. Ken, too, was getting worried.

However, before Ken could head out of the house, the phone rang. As his father, James, picked it up, he told Ken to wait since it could be Aaron calling. "Hello, Wilson residence, James Wilson speaking."

As James listened on the phone, the rest of the family watched him turn pale and start to shake. He said into the phone, "I see. I understand. I'll wait for your next call."

"What's the matter honey? Is Aaron hurt?" Marianne asked, worry for he son showing plainly on her face.

"Hurt?" James shook his head. "No, not hurt, not yet. He's been kidnapped!" Tears formed in his eyes as he hugged his wife who began to cry in fear for her youngest son, her baby. Other cries of fear and astonishment quickly followed from the rest of the family in the room.

Fear and worry evident in his voice, but ever the strong one, James' father tried to calm everyone down. "What did he say on the phone son?" he asked.

Grateful for the strong, but simple, reassurance of his father's calm voice, James replied, "They want five million dollars in seven days or they said they would start taking away portions of Aaron's life." Marianne cried even more at hearing that.

"What do they mean portions of his life?"

"I don't know. What do we do? They warned against calling the police."

"We call the police anyways and we start trying to get the ransom together," James' father said. "We can hope that they find Aaron first, but we only have a week and five million is a lot of money to put together in such a short time. Use your cell phone in case the kidnappers call back."

"Are you sure calling the police is wise?" James asked.

Grandpa Wilson nodded. "I do. Tell them to be discrete, but we need the police on this. We pay the ransom, but that doesn't mean we let the bastards get away with this."

James went to his office to get his cell phone and make the call.

 

Chapter 2: Darkness.

Aaron could feel the tight rope around his wrists and ankles as he slowly woke. His mouth felt parched from the cloth gag and the blindfold kept him from seeing where he was. All he could tell was that he was lying on a thin mattress and the room had a slight stench to it as though it had been urinated in. Aaron shifted on the mattress.

"He is waking up." The voice startled Aaron, coming from above.

"Good," replied another voice as Aaron felt the gag being removed from his mouth. "Don't talk boy or we put the gag back in. Now, you will listen." Aaron just nodded as he was given a small sip of water. The voice continued, "We've contacted your parents. Your continued safety relies on them following our directions clearly and quickly. We have demanded five million dollars in seven days. If they fail to do that, we will take away part of your life and the ransom will double. If they succeed, we will let you go as we have found you. Do you understand?"

"Yes sir," Aaron croaked through the dryness of his mouth. "Why?"

"Though you spoke, I will answer, but remember that you are not permitted to speak again. We have a cause for the glory of Allah. We are his warriors and we seek justice and retribution for the suffering and evils that your country has visited upon us. It is both just and fitting that financing this goal comes from you. Allah smiles at the irony of the devils paying for their own destruction. Your ransom will help us as will the ransoms of others like you."

Aaron remained silent as the fear swept through him. He was young and the events of September 11^th were a blur for him, but he remembered the fear and who was blamed. For the first time in his young life, Aaron was beginning to understand the evil lengths that some would go to further their own ends. Silently, he prayed that his parents would save him. He no longer doubted the danger that he faced at the hands of his captors.

***

James answered the door and admitted the two police detectives. They introduced themselves as detectives Stewart and Bolton respectively. "We're very sorry about this situation Mister Wilson; we will do our best to get your son back," Detective Stewart said after the introductions.

"Thank you Detective, we appreciate both your assistance and that you have managed to keep this away from the press. My wife is not up to the strain of dealing with the press right now. Not to mention that the kidnappers were quite direct about not involving you. Your discretion is much appreciated."

"Thank you. Is the rest of the family still here Mister Wilson?" asked Detective Bolton.

"I've sent my other two children with their grandparents until this is resolved. I thought it best to distract them and to keep them from being underfoot while you investigate. My wife is exhausted and upstairs sleeping."

"That's fine. If we need to talk to them, we can always call them. I don't think that will be necessary though. We've talked to Aaron's young friend and his story checks out. He did mention that there were some people in the stands that weren't usually there. He wasn't sure if they came to watch the other team, but they looked a bit out place, especially their van. I guess the van was pretty beaten up for this neighborhood."

"That's not a lot to go on is it?" James asked.

"I'm afraid not," replied Bolton. "But that's what we have so far. We've placed traces on your phone line, but I would be surprised if they called from their hideout. You never know though, sometime kidnappers slip up. We managed to monitor the second phone call with the ransom delivery instructions, but the trace ran to a pay phone in a shopping mall. I suspect that the kidnappers are close to that area, but there are a lot of apartments and houses around there and it's a bit rundown. It could take us weeks to find them there."

"Weeks!" James exclaimed.

Just then, the phone rang. James looked at the detectives for guidance. "Go ahead and answer Mister Wilson, the trace is automatic and the conversation will be recorded. We're not as archaic as the movies make us out to be," Stewart informed him.

"Hello? Wilson residence, James speaking," James said automatically as he picked up the phone and turned on the speaker.

"Mister Wilson, you have been very bad and you were warned. You have contacted the police and that has a price," came the harsh sounding voice at the other end of the connection.

"A price?" asked James with fear in his voice. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't bother denying it Mister Wilson, we know. Did you think we were stupid and wouldn't watch you? The new price is ten million dollars and we will now be forced to take a piece of your son's life to demonstrate our seriousness. You shouldn't have made this mistake Mister Wilson, that was foolish, but it is done and your additional contribution will only help our cause." The click of a phone hanging up was audible to everyone in the room.

"What have I done?" James cried. Both detectives looked at each other with concern.

"We're extremely sorry at this turn of events, sir, but all we can do now is find your son or give them the ransom as they demanded. Can you arrange ten million?" Stewart asked.

"I can, but it will be very hard to do," replied James as he collapsed into a chair.

Bolton answered the ringing of his cell phone. "Bolton here. I see…"

***

Aaron was shaken awake. He'd been drifting in and out of the sleep, since whatever they had used to sedate him had made him feel both tired and nauseous. The lack of food in his stomach wasn't helping him either.

"Your parents made a mistake boy."

Aaron paled and began to shake. He tried to speak from behind his gag.

"There are two prices for their mistake. The first is the ransom has doubled. The second is a part of your life."

Aaron felt the needle as the darkness once again began to cover him.

 

Chapter 3: Found.

"We have some news," Bolton said as he hung up his cell phone. "The kidnappers have made a mistake, they used the same phone."

"How is that a break?" James asked.

"They'll call back, be assured of that, and this time we will have the phone watched."

"What of my son?" James felt a surge of hope at the news.

"Hopefully he will be okay. These threats are common, but they are not usually followed through."

"The 'usually' is cold comfort Detective."

"I wish I could offer more, but we don't know these kidnappers and we don't know what this cause of theirs is. For now, we have to wait until they call again. Get some sleep sir; we'll wake you if the phone rings."

James nodded. He was exhausted, but he didn't know how he could sleep through the fear and worry.

***

"The operation was successful. We're keeping the boy sedated, but he seems to be reacting badly to it," Said the gowned man as he lowered his mask from his face.

"It can't be helped; it was the best we could get on short notice. Have you packaged the part?" asked the shorter man from the van.

"Yes. The note is included. We have destroyed the remaining portions; they won't be able to use what we send."

"The boy will never reach Heaven now, but he is a spawn of devils, so he wouldn't have reached it anyways. Send the package and prepare to call the parents once it has been received."

"It will be done."

***

The doorbell rang, startling James, his wife, and the two detectives as they tried to eat some breakfast. It was a very restless night of worry for the two parents, Marianne had been told about the ransom change and had been extremely upset and fearful since.

James opened the door. "Delivery for James Wilson," said the courier. "Sign here."

"What is it?" James asked.

"I don't know sir; it was picked up from one of our courier drop points. Delivery has been paid in full."

"I see," responded James as he signed for the package and thanked the courier, closing the door.

"Who was it?" Marianne asked.

"A courier with a package," replied James as he began to open it.

"Careful, there may be fingerprints we can use," Stewart cautioned.

James nodded as he cut the bindings and around the package with greater care. He opened the box inside and found a metal container that was cold to the touch. With it was a note which he opened.

Mr. Wilson,

Behold one of the prices for your mistake. We have taken your son's life as a man; you will find the proof in the metal container. That is his first life that we have taken. Future mistakes might result in other lives, such as a life of vision or of speech, if you do not show more caution.

Marianne collapsed crying, "My baby, my poor baby. They are monsters!"

"Don't open the container sir! Doctors have a lot of skill; it may be possible for them to recover what has been lost. Now it is best to keep this container chilled," Bolton said as he stopped James from opening the container.

Tears streaming down his face, James nodded, "I understand. I hope you're right. These people will pay for their monstrous acts." He gathered his sobbing wife into his arms and led her to the sitting room to try and comfort her.

The phone rang. "What?" James roughly demanded as he answered, his normal polite greeting forgotten under the stress. His finger stabbed at the speaker button.

"You have gotten our package." It wasn't a question.

"You're a monster. Why have you done this to our son?"

"His many lives are paying for those lives of our people. Do not doubt that we will exact further payment if you fail." The phone line clicked.

Within a minute, Bolton's cell phone rang. "Bolton. You have him? Tail him carefully; we'll get the team in place." Bolton hung up.

James looked at the detective. "He made a mistake Mister Wilson, they used that phone again and one of our detectives is following the suspect. We'll get them."

***

Bolton and Stewart arrived outside the rundown apartment building. Their assistant was waiting with several uniformed men, keeping an additional watch on the building. "We found the van, I think. It's dark brown, a little beaten up, and there's a bicycle inside. We also know what apartment they're in," said the young assistant detective.

"Good," responded Stewart. "Let's get these bastards. Get everyone into position and seal off the exits."

***

The apartment door crashed open with a bang, surprising the four men playing cards around the folding table. One of them jumped up and began running towards the bedrooms. Bolton fired a round at him, taking the man in the lower back. The remaining three raised their hands as additional police entered the apartment and spread out to search.

"We found the boy!" one of the officers shouted from a bedroom. "It looks like he's hurt pretty bad. There are bandages and he's out cold."

"Get the ambulance people up here. We've got to get the kid and this slime bag I shot to the hospital ASAP. Put these others into the holding van and get the forensics team up here. Partner, can you read them their rights?"

As the men were led away, Stewart went through the standard recital, passing the ambulance attendants in the hall.

Bolton called James Wilson, "We have your son; he's alive and we're taking him to Grace Hospital. We'll meet you there." Bolton could almost feel the relief of James Wilson through the phone line.

 

Chapter 4: Decisions.

Grandma Wilson picked up the phone, "Hello?"

"Hi mom, it's James. The police have found Aaron and he is at Grace Hospital."

"My goodness! Is he alright?" Grandma Wilson asked, relieved that Aaron had finally been found.

"Is he alright? I don't know if I can say that exactly, but he is alive. Mari and I are going to the hospital now, can you bring the kids? I'll explain everything once we hear from the police and the doctors."

"Okay dear. We're very relieved that they found him. We'll see you there." Grandma Wilson hung up the phone, "Children! Your brother has been found!"

"Is he okay, Grandma?" Susie asked.

"Your daddy didn't really say sweetheart. All he would tell me is that Aaron is at Grace Hospital and that he's alive. Your father said he would explain when we got there, so get your shoes on and we'll go."

***

James raced with Mari to the hospital as fast as he could. His mind was whirling with fear and concern for his young son and he could see similar concern in his wife's face as she clutched the cold metal box that neither wanted to open. Every now and then, a small sob would escape Mari as she thought of her son, but she was grateful for the strong and calming silence of her husband.

Arriving at Grace Hospital, James and Mari rushed into the Emergency Room and were greeted by the two detectives. "Good, you brought the box," mentioned Stewart. "The doctors have been waiting for this."

"Can we see our son?" Mari asked.

"I'm sorry ma'am," replied a woman's voice behind her. "He was brought in sedated and we're examining him to understand the extent of the harm. I'm Doctor Anne Sharpe; I've been looking after him since he arrived."

"Can you help him Doctor?" James asked.

"I hope so Mister Wilson," replied Dr. Sharpe. "We're depending a great deal on what we find in this container. I don't want to raise your hopes, but we have very good surgeons here and, if it is possible, it will be done."

"I understand Doctor and thank you."

Dr. Sharpe smiled kindly at the two parents as she headed back to the examination room with the metal container. She felt badly for the two, but even more so for young Aaron. The way the damage looked didn't give her a lot of hope in the container, and she was beginning to think that the parents were going to face some difficult choices.

***

"Mom!" Ken called as he entered the waiting area with his sister and grandparents. "How is Aaron? Have you heard anything?" Ken had been tearing himself apart since the incident happened, even though he knew that he couldn't have prevented. Ken was always the big brother, the protector. He felt that he had failed Aaron somehow.

"Not yet honey," Marianne replied. "The doctors are still examining him."

"What's taking so long Mari?" Grandma Wilson asked.

"It's the nature of what they did to him," Marianne replied as she began to cry again. "They hurt him terribly. My poor, sweet, baby." Grandma Wilson gathered Marianne into her arms as James came back from the counter area.

"What did they tell you James?" Grandpa Wilson asked.

"Not much. The doctors are still working on him," James replied.

"What happened dad?" Ken asked.

James sighed. He dreaded telling his family this, but they were going to know soon enough. "The kidnappers told us that they had taken away his life as a man."

Grandma Wilson gasped, "Oh my God!" Ken and his grandfather went white as sheets.

"What does that mean dad?" Susie asked, before Ken could hush her.

"It means, sweetheart, that they hurt your brother very badly down there. The doctors are trying to help him," James informed his daughter quietly, pointing downwards, as her eyes widened.

Before anyone else could ask any more questions, Dr. Sharpe came back out. "Mister and Missus Wilson, can I speak to you privately for a while?" she asked. Her face didn't hold out a lot of hope for the Wilson family as James and Marianne followed her into a private room.

"Tell us Doctor, we have to know," James quietly demanded.

"It's grave news sir, I have to be honest. The monsters that did this to your son were very careful to ensure that we would be helpless to repair their work. We tried, but too much was missing and we couldn't repair that."

"I… see…" James hugged Marianne tightly as she began crying once again. "What are our options?"

"We have three that I can see. The first is to do nothing other than to ensure basic urination function, but this will leave Aaron effectively sexless. The second is to try and attach the remainders and a prosthetic from skin grafts, but it will never function sexually. The last is to make him a girl and give him some hope of a normal life."

"What?!? A girl?!?" James looked shocked at the suggestion.

"I understand Mister Wilson, believe me, but the third option is really the best. The other two options leave him with no future possibility of sexual intimacy and that may cause even more damage to him in the long run. As a woman, he would at least have options for intimacy even if it was with another woman. We have saved a large number of nerves and that will allow him to still experience some pleasure."

"I can't think… I don't know… What does Aaron say?"

"I don't want to pressure your decision Mister Wilson, Aaron is still not awake. The sedation that he was under has worn off, but the stress to his body and his young mind has put him into a light coma. His vital signs are strong and we have every reason to believe that he will come out of it in a few days or a week, but we don't have that much time. If we are to make use of the nerve cells, we will need to act almost immediately."

James' mind reeled with the implications of this decision. "It seems too drastic doctor, are you sure that this is the best course?" he asked, seeking some reassurance that this made sense.

Doctor Sharpe looked at the two with sympathy. "There are schools of thought on this Mister Wilson, for and against. Aaron is still quite young, his gender and sexual identity are still forming and can be molded. He will be, at least visually, very attractive as a girl and will have, I suspect, little difficulty in that respect. With this surgery, he would be able to function reasonably normally and we can provide counseling and assist him in this journey."

"Can we have a few minutes?" James asked. "Marianne and I need to discuss this." James was still quite uncertain. The doctor's argument made some sense, but it bothered him anyways.

"The specialist is on his way, and he will be here in about fifteen minutes. Once he is here, he will need to know your decision. Time is of the essence."

"I understand. We will let you know by then," James assured her.

Dr. Sharpe quietly left the two alone.

***

"What do we do James? He's my darling little boy, I can't lose him!" Marianne cried.

"Oh my love, I wish I knew the right answer," James tried to comfort her. "We need to do what is best for Aaron. We need to give him a chance at recovering his life, his hopes."

"How would making him a girl do that?" Marianne asked, "His hopes are shattered with this."

"I don't know Mari, but I fear a lifetime without real intimacy for him if we don't agree to this. Is that better or worse? I don't know. I wish Aaron could answer this question. I feel like I'm betraying him with any answer we could give. The doctor made a lot of sense there, though it disturbs me to admit it."

Marianne pulled herself upright as if she had reached a decision. "My beautiful son is treasure to me. It's not a result of his outer skin; it's a result of his generous heart and his warm smile. That he would not be able to share himself deeply with another would be a great loss to him and to others. We have to give him a chance to find a new path to happiness. The Doctor is right."

James kissed his wife tenderly. He believed that she was right.

He wanted to believe she was right.

Aaron was a strong, generous boy who was open and honest with his love and affection. To leave him without a chance, or a slim one at best, of having that reciprocated as an adult would be almost criminal in their view.

Together, James and Marianne rose to give their answer to the Doctor.

 

Chapter 5: Audra.

James and Marianne had sent their other two children home with their grandparents. The surgery was going to take a long time and there wasn't much point in everybody staying at the hospital. Of course, there was no way that either of them could leave; they wanted to be there.

The sun was just coming up when Dr. David Caine, the specialist who was working on Aaron, came into the waiting area. He could see that the two parents had stayed awake most of the night. They looked exhausted and their eyes were rimmed with red. "Good morning folks. The operation was successful."

"How is he?" James asked.

"Aaron is fine, though the coma is still hanging on. He had a very bad reaction to what they had used to sedate him. The signs are good though, so we are hopeful that it will be a short one."

Dr. Caine gestured for James and Marianne to sit. "An important aspect of recovery for both of you, as well," he continued. "Is that you must start thinking and speaking of Aaron in the feminine form. She will be struggling with her new identity, with the conflicts inside her, and she will need help and reinforcement. I wish I could be easier on you with this, but it is critical for her and it is as equally critical for you."

James nodded as Marianne spoke quietly, "We will need a new name for her."

Dr. Caine smiled gently at them as he nodded, "You can see Aaron now. Your voices might help to bring her out of the coma."

***

James had been researching names and they had finally found two that they felt suited their child. The first name they chose was Audra, meaning "noble strength." The second name was Jennifer, meaning "fair spirit." For them, it summed up their child and the hopes they had for her future. Audra Jennifer Wilson was the name now around her wrist and beside her door.

It had been several days since the surgery and Audra was still not out of her coma. Both parents spent hours every day talking to their child, trying to wake her. They talked, they pleaded, they ordered, they cajoled, but so far without avail. Today, Marianne sat beside her new daughter gently washing her face with a soothing stroke. She had often done this for Aaron when he was sick, so she had hopes that it would help Audra now.

"Mommy?"

James sat bolt upright in the chair where he was reading the newspaper as Marianne leaned forward and said, "Yes sweetheart?"

"I hurt mommy. Where am I?"

"I know sweetheart, I know, but you're awake now and you will get better. You're in the hospital and you're safe now," Marianne told her.

"Okay mommy," Audra murmured as she fell back to sleep. Real sleep this time and not the drug-induced coma that had claimed these last few days.

James looked at his wife with tears in his eyes as he sprinted to the nursing station, but he was also smiling. "She's awake!" A cheer went up from the nursing station and Dr. Sharpe was paged. James went back to Audra's room and hugged his wife who was still stroking her child's brow.

***

It was late at night when Audra awoke again. Her parents had been sent home by the doctor to get some rest and to tell their family the good news.

"Mommy?"

The lack of answer scared her for a moment until she realized that it was late and she remembered that she was in the hospital. She didn't feel much pain, she felt mostly numb from the waist down, but she didn't really understand why.

"I see you're awake angel," came a soft voice from the doorway as one of the night nurses entered. "Your mommy and daddy went home for awhile, to get some sleep. They'll be back this morning to see you."

"Oh. Thank you, ma'am."

The nurse laughed, "Call me Nurse Williams sweetie, 'ma'am' makes me feel so old. Better yet, why don't you call me Angie?"

"Okay Angie. I'm Aaron," Audra replied as she stuck out her hand.

"I know sweetie," Angie smiled. "Would you like something to drink?"

"Yes, please."

Angie held up a glass with a straw so that Audra could drink. "Slowly sweetie, you haven't had much in your stomach for quite a few days."

"Days? What happened to me? The last thing I remember is these voices telling me that I would have to pay the price because my parents made a mistake."

"You've been asleep for day's angel. You had us worried."

"I'm sorry," Audra sounded genuinely contrite.

"Oh no, don't apologize. Very evil men did evil things to you. You don't have to apologize to anyone for that. Remember angel, you didn't do anything wrong and you don't need to apologize for it," Angie soothed.

"What did they do to me Angie?"

"I can't tell you that angel; your parents will do that. It wouldn't be right for me to tell you."

"Okay Angie, I'm still tired. I think I'll sleep some more." Audra was feeling safe and secure for the first time in days.

"Sleep well little one," Angie responded as she stroked the hair from Audra's eyes.

***

James and Marianne felt a lot better in the morning as they entered the hospital. While they both dreaded telling Audra what had happened, they both felt better knowing she was awake.

"Good morning folks! I have some more good news for you," Angie told them as they approached the nursing station.

"We could use good news Angie!" James smiled.

"Audra woke up last night and we chatted for a bit. She seems quite bright and is a most delightful child. You may have to fight all the nurses to take her away from us if this morning is any judge," Angie smiled at them.

Marianne smiled back gratefully, "Is he… um, she awake now?"

"Yes and we've called for Doctor Coulson to come down to help you."

"Doctor Coulson?"

"That would be me," a soft, pleasant voice from behind said. "Sheila Coulson, at your service." The Wilsons turned to see the smiling face of an attractive younger woman. She had an almost pixie look of irrepressible humor with deep compassion in her eyes. "I'm here to help both of you and Audra through what can be a trying experience. From what the nurses have told me, you have named her well. In one morning, she has charmed all of them with her grace and strength. This will be difficult, but I believe that her strong character will see her through. Are you ready?"

"Thank you doctor," James said after that breathless rush. "I think so."

"Sheila, please. We'll be spending quite a bit of time together and I simply hate formalities."

"Sheila, then. I guess we're as ready as we'll ever be. I'm James and this is my wife Marianne."

"Mari, for short," smiled Marianne in greeting.

"Do you want me to explain what has happened, or would one of you prefer to do it?" Sheila asked.

"I'll do it," James responded, taking a deep breath. James knew this wasn't going to be an easy thing to do, but he had to do it.

Sheila smiled reassurance. "That's a wise choice. I'll observe and if I see a bad reaction, I can sedate her quickly. Don't be alarmed if that happens; denial and anger are definitely stages that she will experience."

***

"Mommy! Daddy!" Audra cried as her parents entered the room. Both rushed over to her and hugged her gently.

"I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to worry you," Audra tried to apologize after they had let her go.

"Don't apologize sweetheart, you're not to blame," Marianne told her. "We're grateful that you have come back to us."

"How do you feel slugger?" James asked, trying to put off the inevitable.

"I hurt a bit daddy, down there, but I guess I feel okay. Nobody will tell me what happened. What happened daddy?"

James felt the tears well up in his eyes as he sat on the bed beside his new daughter. Brushing them away, he sighed deeply and took Audra's hands in his own. "This is going to be very hard for you and I want you to understand that your mother and I love you very much. We love you as much as we ever did and that love was already boundless."

Audra look frightened at those words. "Am I going to die daddy?" she whispered.

James breath caught in his throat, "No slugger, you aren't going to die, though you might sometimes wish you had. You have to be strong for me and for you. You have to have the courage to accept and to grow. Can you promise me that you'll try?"

"Yes daddy, I'll try."

James smiled at her gently. "Those men that kidnapped you did a very bad thing to you. They did this because we tried to find you and help you. They are evil men and they have been caught and will be punished. However, what they did to you couldn't be repaired, all the doctors tried."

"What did they do daddy? Oh no, it's down there!" Audra cried out at the sudden realization of the source of her pain. She tried to reach down to where she was bandaged, her hands curled as if to pull them off.

James held her close and prevented her hands from reaching the bandages. "Yes, it's down there. We tried, the doctors tried, but there wasn't anything we could do." He could feel Audra sobbing almost noiselessly into his chest as he held her. "We couldn't leave you like that. We had to make a decision for you; you were in a coma and couldn't do it for yourself. Oh, my darling, sweet, child, we had to make you into a girl."

Audra screamed, "No! No! No!" Her head shook wildly, her denial echoed through the corridors of the hospital. Sheila quickly stepped in and injected a sedative into Audra as the monitors attached to her went wild. As James gently laid her back down, her body continued shaking and her head still turned back and forth in denial, her voice mutely mouthing denial. Mercifully, the sedative put her to sleep.

James and Marianne held each other and cried.

***

Angie heard Audra's scream of denial as she was preparing to depart her shift. She sat back down; her eyes tearing at the pain that the child must have been feeling.

"Are you okay Angie?" asked Marie Jacobs, the day nurse who had just come on shift.

"They told her. Oh that poor, sweet child."

"Go home and sleep Angie," Marie told her gently, her eyes echoing the pain that Angie felt. "I can see she has already stolen your heart, so sleep and come back to work strong for her. She'll need that."

"Thanks Marie." Angie gave Marie a grateful smile.

***

Sheila sat with James and Marianne in the room. "I'm sorry I had to put her under, she was going in to hysterics."

"It's okay Sheila, I don't think I could have taken that otherwise," James smiled wanly. "I've done many things in my life that were difficult, but that was the hardest by far."

Sheila accepted the smile and nodded agreement. "We need to discuss something important."

"What's that?" asked James, struggling to refocus.

"You and Mari need to understand the stages she is going to face when she wakes up again. For her, Aaron has died, and she will face that in five general stages."

"What are the stages?" Marianne asked.

"The first stage is denial. She will attempt to deny that it has happened and she'll be able to maintain that until she sees for herself. Next is anger. She'll be angry at you, at the doctor, and at herself. The third stage is bargaining. At this point she will be desperate to regain herself and she will bargain with whomever she thinks can do that. The fourth stage is depression. We need to be very careful here and watch her closely. It is critical that she pass this stage to the final stage of acceptance. It is our goal to get her there in one piece."

"How will we know when she reaches a stage?" Marianne asked.

"It's usually quite obvious Mari, especially anger and depression. Bargaining doesn't last too long because it's fruitless and often people discover that quickly. Some or most of these stages can happen quite quickly and they may happen here. Some may not even happen; this process is not graven in stone. However, the nurses know what to watch for and will help when neither of us is here."

"How much longer will she be asleep?"

"A few more hours. Rest is good for her right now. It will help to heal both her mind and her body. I'm going to begin counseling her when she wakes up. If we have any hope of her accepting her new life, we need to start now and teach her."

"Is there anything more we can do right now?" James asked.

"Well, Audra will be here for a few more weeks at least, but you need to prepare for her to come home. What will be truly hard for her is that the nature of her injuries and the mental reinforcement work we need to do will almost certainly require her to wear dresses for the next four to six weeks," Sheila told him, mentally wincing at that white lie. "So you need to be able to show her that being a girl isn't a bad thing, that there are rewards to it. Don't try to strip away her life as Aaron, but try to introduce the feminine and encourage her with rewards. Above all, don't punish her for behaving like a boy, that will cause her to rebel, but don't reward her for the masculine. It's positive reinforcement, not negative that you want to use."

 

Chapter 6: Stages.

Audra awoke several hours later with her mother sitting quietly beside her. Her mind was still reeling from the revelation that her father had made earlier in the morning. She kept repeating "no" in her mind, over and over again. "What do I know about being a girl?" Audra thought.

"Mommy?" Audra asked out loud.

"I'm here sweetheart," Marianne replied. "Are you okay?"

"Tell me it isn't true mommy? Please! Mommy…" Audra cried softly.

"Oh, my darling baby, I wish I could tell you that. You don't know how much I wish I could tell you that," Marianne replied as she gathered her new daughter into her arms.

Audra cried softly in her mother's arms as she fell back to sleep.

***

Ken and Susie finally arrived home after the extended stay with their grandparents. Both were a little frustrated at being kept away from their brother and nobody would tell them anything. Today, finally, their parents were going to tell them what had happened and let them visit Aaron at the hospital.

"Mom, Dad, we're home!" Ken shouted as they entered.

"We're in the front parlor son," James called. "We need to have a family talk."

Entering the room, both Ken and Susie could see the strain on their parents faces. Obviously the lack of sleep, coupled with worry for Aaron, had left them exhausted. "How's Aaron? Is he coming home soon?" Ken asked.

"Sit down kids, this is really important," James told them quietly.

Both sat quickly, they could see that their parents had something very serious to tell them.

"I really don't know how to say this; it's very hard for us. Do you remember what I told you about the injury he received?" James asked.

"Yes dad," Ken replied as Susie nodded agreement.

"The doctors tried very hard to help him, but they couldn't," James began to explain. "We didn't tell you that night, but we talked to the doctors and finally agreed that the best thing for Aaron was to make him into a girl."

"Oh my God! Are you serious?" Ken exclaimed, his legs crossing unconsciously.

"Very. This is not something I would joke about Ken… you should know that."

Susie looked stunned, "Aaron is going to be my sister?"

"Yes sweetie, she will be. You have to help her; she hasn't grown up with this," Marianne told her daughter.

"She? Her?" Ken asked looking a little dazed.

"Yes," James said firmly. "She and her. You have to get used to it and you had better start now. Your new sister is Audra Jennifer and you will love and treat her like you always have."

"No sweat dad, I didn't mean it that way. I think my brain has just gone numb."

"I know the feeling son, believe me I know the feeling."

"When can I see my new sister daddy?" Susie asked.

James smiled at her, "Today. Audra should have come out of sedation by now."

"Sedation?" Ken questioned.

"Not surprisingly, Audra became very upset when I told her what happened. The doctor had to sedate her to keep her from going into hysterics. She woke up a while ago and talked a bit with your mother before falling asleep again. She's in denial now, but the doctors don't believe that it will last very long. After that, I expect she'll be very angry, and probably mostly at me."

"At you?"

"Yes, at me. Those monsters did this to her, but all she really understands right now is that I told the doctors to make her into a girl. It will take a while for her to see past that."

***

"Hey brat, how's it going?" Ken asked from the doorway.

Audra looked up as her brother and sister walked into the room. "Ken! I'm so glad to see you. You too, Susie, I didn't mean just Ken."

Susie ran up and hugged Audra, she was already crying. "I'm so glad you're okay!"

"I'll be better when everyone stops playing games with me," Audra replied while hugging her sister back.

"Games?" Ken asked.

"Yeah, they keep telling me I'm a girl. Can you figure that?"

Ken looked at his new sister sadly, but decided it was better to drop it. Obviously, Audra didn't want to hear the truth right now and he gave Susie a warning shake of his head as she was about to respond.

"So, I hear you've been lazing about watching TV and reading magazines all day," Ken commented.

Audra laughed. "Hey, it's summer vacation you know!"

"When do you get out?" Susie asked.

"Soon, I think. The doctor thought in a couple of weeks. I want to go home, but they're trying to make sure everything is okay."

"Were you scared, you know, when…" Susie whispered.

Audra shuddered, remembering the darkness and the voices. She nodded at Susie, afraid to speak for a moment.

***

Audra was awake when Angie came into the room later that night to change the dressings on the wound. "Well, hello angel! How are you feeling?" Angie asked in a cheerful voice.

"Hi Angie! I'm okay," Audra conceded.

"I'm just here to change your dressings and see if you need anything. Do you want me to screen the dressing change?"

"I'd like to watch Angie. May I?"

"You can angel, but I'll warn you that it may upset you. Can you be brave for me?"

Audra nodded her head. She had been waiting for this, the proof she needed that everybody was fibbing to her. She didn't really understand why everybody would do that, but she just couldn't believe that you could make somebody into a girl.

"Okay angel, lie back a bit and lift your knees. This may sting a bit, but I'll try to go as gently as I can."

Audra complied with the instructions, feeling very strange as she did so. It didn't seem normal as she watched Angie carefully removing the dressings. It stung a bit, but it wasn't that bad --- she had felt worse before. As the last dressing was removed, Audra looked over and down at herself and bit her lip. Outwardly, she tried to look calm, but inside her mind was screaming at her, "It's gone! It's gone!"

Angie sensed Audra tensing at her first sight of her new anatomy. She knew this was a risk, but Dr. Coulson felt it important for Audra to see this when she was ready to ask, even if the healing process made it look worse. Angie's heart was breaking at the obvious mental pain that the girl tried to hide from her, an effort that stemmed from trying to be brave as she had promised. Pretending not to notice Audra's reaction, Angie quickly changed the dressing and smoothed the hospital gown back over Audra's knees.

"You were very brave angel, I'm proud of you. Do you need anything or did you want to sleep?"

"I'd like to sleep Angie. Thank you," Audra managed.

"Okay angel. Sleep well," Angie said as she closed the room door behind her. She hurried to call Dr. Coulson.

***

In the darkness, Audra seethed anger at her father. Her mind screamed at her, "He made me into a girl! He must have hated me as a boy because I was small. Why else would he make me a girl?" Over and over again these questions pounded through Audra as she tried to come to grips with what happened. Hot, angry tears streamed down the sides of her face.

Audra's tears were interrupted by the opening of the door and Dr. Coulson walking in. "Hello Audra, Angie thought that you might need someone to talk to." Sheila couldn't miss the unmistakable signs of crying on Audra's face.

"My name isn't Audra, its Aaron." Audra stared towards the window.

"I see. Do you hate Audra that much?" Sheila asked.

"What?" Audra asked, surprised by the question and turned to look at Sheila.

"Do you hate Audra that much?"

"Audra doesn't exist."

"Ah, but she does. Audra is you and you are Audra. Why is that bad?"

"I'm a boy! Not a girl!" Audra balled her fists.

"What's wrong with girls?"

"Nothing."

"Then why would being one be so bad?"

"I don't know, it just is!" Audra shouted, frustrated at the questions. "I hate him!"

"Hate who? Aaron?"

"My dad!"

"Why?"

"He did this to me! He made me a girl, but I'm not a girl!" Audra cried.

"Why would he do that?" Sheila asked.

"Because I'm small, not like Ken, and people say I'm cute like a girl." Sheila could see the pain that admission had cost Audra.

"You're wrong Audra. I think you need to understand something here. Evil men kidnapped you. They brutally and cruelly tore something away from you because they believed it would destroy you. Your father made his decision because he wanted you to win. Your father believed you were stronger than they thought. Do you know why he called you 'Audra' afterwards?"

Audra shook her head, partly in answer to the question and partly in denial.

"It means 'noble strength' and he believed that it was a name that demonstrated who you are. Your father loves you beyond all imagining. He didn't do this because he hated who you were. He did this because he loved you and trusted you to succeed."

Audra began crying in deep, wracking sobs as Sheila's words sunk through the anger and denial that she had been keeping. She was a bright child, she grasped quickly that the doctor had told her the truth, even if she didn't want to accept it.

 

Chapter 7: Home.

Audra spent a few more weeks in the hospital for healing and for counseling. Sheila Coulson was spending a lot of time with Audra, working at getting Audra to accept her new life. It was a tough battle. Audra varied between fits of anger and bursts of denial, followed by periods of what seemed like acceptance or, at least, resignation.

"I don't know Anne," Sheila admitted. "She's a strong kid, and a very sweet one, but she hasn't accepted this change."

Anne Sharpe, Audra's doctor, shook her head. "I hate keeping patients in the hospital, she needs to get outside and get some fresh air. We're removing the stitches today, then I have to teach her to use stents, but after that…"

Sheila winced at the mention of stents. "That is not going to go very well."

Anne nodded agreement. "It has to be done. I want to remove the catheter too."

"That means teaching her the necessary hygiene as well."

"Yes, but she has to learn these."

Sheila sighed. "That she does. I'd better be there for this."

"I was hoping you would say that," Anne admitted as she visibly relaxed.

"Is Nurse Angie Williams around?" Sheila asked.

"I think so. Why?"

"Audra trusts Angie. Trusts her quite a bit really. I think that having Angie show her these things would be better than having you or I do it."

***

Audra was watching a baseball game when the three entered the room. "Who's winning?" Sheila asked.

"The Blue Jays, for once," Audra noted. Audra was suddenly curious as to why Sheila, Angie, and Doctor Sharpe were all in her room at once. "Normally, the Yankees beat them. What's going on?"

"Well Audra, I have to remove your stitches and then Nurse Williams and Doctor Coulson are going to help you," Doctor Sharpe told her.

"Help me?"

"Well, there are some important things for you to learn and we thought it best if Nurse Williams helped you. In a couple more days, you'll be able to go home and you need to be prepared for that."

"Okay," Audra replied cautiously.

"Don't worry angel, I'll be with you and I'll help you," Angie told her.

Audra smiled at Angie gratefully, but she was very nervous. Every time they removed the dressing, Audra got upset, even when she tried not to.

"Do you want me to screen this?" Angie asked.

Audra nodded. While Audra usually watched her dressing being changed, in the hopes that everything had gone back to the way it was, she felt that this time she should avoid it.

Angie prepared the screen around Audra's waist that blocked her view of Doctor Sharpe's work. Once she completed that, she wheeled over the tray for the doctor and sat beside Audra, taking her hand. "So, you like baseball?" Angie asked as distraction.

Audra winced at the feeling of the dressing being removed. "I love it," she replied.

"Who's your favorite team?"

"The Yankees," Audra admitted as she felt the tug of her stitches being removed. The feeling was very disconcerting, distracting her from the game and making her more apprehensive.

"Are they any good?" Angie asked. Sheila nodded at Angie from the other side of the bed, smiling encouragement at the ongoing distraction.

Angie and Audra talked about baseball as Doctor Sharpe worked. As the minutes passed, Angie could feel Audra's grip on her hand tighten. When the Doctor removed the catheter, Audra's grip became like iron and she struggled to answer the last question about the Yankees.

Doctor Sharpe stood up. "All done! That wasn't so…" Doctor Sharpe trailed off seeing Audra's face. "Why don't I leave you with Sheila and Angie for now?" Doctor Sharpe felt bad. She knew the theories, subscribed to them, but she was beginning to doubt them a bit. Smiling encouragement that she didn't feel, Doctor Sharpe pushed the cart out of the room.

***

"How did it go Sheila?" Doctor Sharpe asked later.

"Poorly."

"How so?"

"Well, first it took her a while to urinate. We finally pushed her into a shower, which she needed anyways, and that seemed to do the trick. I'm relieved that she was able to do it, I wouldn't want to have you put the catheter back in." Sheila Coulson rubbed her temples as she related the events.

"Well, that's a relief, medically speaking. How about the stents?"

Sheila closed her eyes for a second and took a deep breath. "That was bad, as I expected. It took nearly an hour to convince her to use them; she resisted them a great deal. Angie was a godsend there. She was so incredibly patient with Audra that I might have to put her up for sainthood or something. You know, I didn't think such a sweet kid as Audra even knew words like that."

"Did she use the stents?" Anne was anxious to ensure that Audra was practicing the necessary regimen to avoid future complications.

Sheila nodded. "She did."

"And?"

"God Anne, the poor child was almost hysterical. It was a combination of shame, pain, and outright fear that nearly sent her off the deep end. She's so damn young to even remotely be feeling such things, let alone having to practically violate herself out of medical necessity."

Anne dropped her eyes wearily and sighed. "Sheila, we talked about this. Those animals left us with very little to work with and so we had to take action like this. It's better for her to be a woman than to be a non-functioning man."

"I hope you're right Anne. I really and truly do, but this is very hard for me and even harder for Audra. When does she go home?"

"Friday."

"I really need to talk to her parents."

***

Audra was having a hard time of it. She realized the necessity of learning proper hygiene for a girl, despite all of her desire to not have to learn it, but the stents? They hurt, they hurt a lot and the process embarrassed the new girl. Despite hating the process and hating her current situation, Audra was smart enough to realize that failure to do it would only lead to more surgery, more pain. So, Audra did what she had to do, but it didn't mean that she had to like it.

So, it was a tear streaked face that Angie Williams saw as she entered the room that Friday morning. "Good morning angel, how did you sleep?" Angie asked.

"Okay, I guess." Audra wasn't feeling very talkative. She seldom felt all that talkative after using the stents and today was no different. Audra wiped at the tears and attempted a smile.

"Well, I have some news that will cheer you up," Angie told her with a smile.

"What's that?"

"You're going home!"

"Great," Audra said without feeling. Everyone at the hospital seemed to think that going home was going to be special for Audra, but she knew better. Going home meant facing friends, facing more family, and facing the reality of her new lot in life. To put it bluntly, Audra was scared silly about going home.

Angie frowned slightly. "You don't seem too happy about this," she noted.

Audra shook her head.

"Why not?"

"I'm scared," Audra admitted. "Scared of my family. Scared of my friends."

"Audra, angel, you have no reason to fear." Angie was trying to pour on her best bedside manner, stroking Audra's forehead as she attempted to reassure the child. "You're a good kid and your family is really nice, there is nothing to fear."

"You don't understand," Audra thought, but instead she just nodded at Angie and attempted a smile.

Angie accepted the weak attempt at a smile as 'good enough' for now. "Lord knows," she thought, "The kid is tough enough to make the attempt. Many supposedly stronger boys or men would have probably have been destroyed by this already."

***

Marianne Wilson packed the small suitcase with clothing for Audra. She had some misgivings about the instructions from Sheila about bringing a dress or a skirt instead of loose pants. Sheila, and Anne Sharpe, had both indicated that while the dress wasn't a physical necessity, they thought it was a mental necessity. The purpose, they explained, was to get Audra used to the idea of being a girl as quickly as possible. It was to have the exterior reinforce the interior. Marianne thought that it might be too much, but as she wasn't a doctor, so she went along with their suggestion. Just in case, though, she packed a pair of pale blue track pants into the bag. "At least they're girls track pants," Marianne thought in response to the mental image of two disapproving doctors. "That ought to count for something."

"All set?" James Wilson asked from the doorway as he watched his wife hesitate over the overnight bag.

Marianne nodded and zipped up the bag decisively. "Have you and Ken finished the last touches on the bedroom?" she asked.

"Yep, it's all set. We've tried to be careful not to make it too much; there is still a lot of Aaron in there. We've kept the posters up, her trophies, and such. Still, it looks a lot more like Susie's room than Ken's now."

Marianne sighed with the necessity. "Shall we go?" she asked.

James nodded and took the bag from his wife.

***

Audra was talking with Sheila when her parents entered her room carrying the travel bag. Sheila smiled a welcome as James asked, "All set slugger?"

Audra nodded. "I guess so," she replied a bit hesitantly.

James was a bit taken aback by the unenthusiastic response. "Hmm… well, your mom is going to help you get ready and I'm going to finish off all of the paperwork so you can come home." He smiled encouragement as he left the room for the nursing station.

Marianne plopped the bag onto the bed. "Come on sweetheart, it won't be so bad. Ken and Susie miss you and Mike has been calling every day. I've brought some clothing for you."

Audra looked at the bag with distaste. Sheila had forewarned her that she would be wearing a dress and Audra had been dreading it from that point on. However, the first thing her mother pulled out was a pair of plain, white, cotton underwear. "Those aren't so bad," Audra thought. "Even if they don't have a fly in them." Dutifully, Audra put on the underwear when they were handed to her.

When Marianne pulled out a light blue top, Sheila could almost see the relief on Audra's face. Obviously, the girl had been dreading a dress and a top would seem to indicate that there wasn't a dress. Almost smiling, Audra put on the top. It was girl's top, she could tell from the white flower patterns along the sleeve and neck, but it wasn't a dress.

Marianne hesitated over the skirt. Like Sheila, she could sense that Audra had been dreading a dress and that the appearance of the top alleviated that stress. Obviously, Audra hadn't even considered a skirt. Still, Marianne had to try and follow the directions she had been given by the doctors and she pulled out the jean skirt.

Audra's eyes widened and she backed away. "No. No. No. I can't!" Turning, she fled into the bathroom and locked the door.

"Audra!" Marianne and Sheila said at the same time.

"Can you open it?" Marianne asked Sheila.

"I can, but I think we'd better talk to her first."

The two women went to the bathroom door. "Audra, please come out," Marianne cajoled.

"No! I can't wear that! I just can't," Audra shouted from the other side of the door.

"Audra, we talked about this," Sheila reminded. "You have to get used to it sometime. Besides, it's better for your healing." Sheila hated to tell that white lie, but she was acting under her best knowledge of what to do.

"Why now? Why?" Audra asked. She was shaking from her reaction to the situation.

Marianne shook her head at Sheila and held up the track pants. "It's delaying the inevitable Marianne," Sheila argued.

"I know, but I think the stress of going home is going to be hard enough as it is," Marianne asserted.

"I agree," Sheila admitted. "I wasn't keen on this idea to begin with. Anne seemed to be under the impression that it was important to start it fast and hard. I'm letting my better judgment as a psychiatrist get overridden by a surgeon."

"Audra, come out," Marianne instructed. "You can wear track pants instead."

"Truth?" Audra asked feeling a great deal of relief.

"Truth," Marianne affirmed.

Audra unlocked the door of the bathroom and came out as Marianne handed the track pants to her. Like the top, they were girls track pants, but at least they weren't a skirt. "Thank you mommy," Audra said as she donned the pants, her shaking subsiding.

"It is delaying the inevitable Audra," Marianne told her. "You will need to get used to dresses and skirts sometime."

Audra nodded reluctantly. "I know. I just can't yet." To Audra, the thought of wearing such overtly feminine clothing meant surrender, meant that she had finally given up on being a boy again.

Marianne picked up Audra and placed her on the bed. She took out a pair of white summer sandals and buckled them on to Audra's feet. Then she brushed Audra's hair and placed it into a small ponytail. Audra didn't resist these ministrations; she had found her small victory over the skirt and figured that a strategic retreat was necessary for the moment. "No sense in pushing my luck," she thought.

As Audra finished getting ready, Angie wheeled in a chair for the trip out. Angie was surprised to see Audra in track pants, she had expected a skirt, but she had a good guess as to what transpired. "Are we all set?" Angie asked. "One free ride per customer."

Audra nodded and climbed of the bed. Before getting into the wheelchair, she faced herself in the mirror. Looking back at her was a young girl, dressed in blue. Audra looked for traces of the boy in that mirror and couldn't find it. Her face paled and she fainted.

Angie ran to the bathroom and retrieved a damp facecloth as Marianne and Sheila lifted Audra back onto the bed. Sheila felt a small lump on the back of Audra's head. "She's going to have a nasty headache I think," she commented.

As Angie attempted to revive Audra, Marianne asked, "What brought that on?"

"I think she was surprised by her appearance. Audra has persisted in the belief that she's a boy and that she can't look like a girl. The shock of really looking like one was probably too much to handle all at once."

"She's coming around," Angie told them.

"Ow. My head hurts," Audra announced. "What happened?"

"You fainted," Angie told her.

"Oh." Audra actually blushed from embarrassment.

Angie helped Audra back to the wheelchair while Audra carefully avoided looking at the mirror again. Once seated, Angie wheeled her down to the nurse's station where James was waiting patiently.

"What took so long?" James asked.

"A little setback," Sheila told him. "Nothing to worry about."

"Alright then, are we all set?" James asked.

"Well angel," Angie said as she crouched down in front of the wheelchair. "You be strong out there and don't let anyone get you down. Come back and visit me sometime."

Audra gave Angie a hug, "I will Angie, thank you for everything."

***

Audra grew more and more nervous as they got closer to home. Almost near panic, she tightened her grip on her mother's hand as they opened the front door.

"We're home!" James called out.

 

Chapter 8: I Feel Alien and Strange, Kinda Out of Range…

Audra was nearly overwhelmed by the stampede of her brother and sister welcoming her home. Ken picked her up and twirled her around. "Welcome home!" he shouted.

The reaction from Ken froze Audra; it was the kind of reaction that Susie might have gotten had she been ill. Audra was unsure of how to react.

"Put her down you big oaf," Susie instructed as she slapped Ken on the shoulder. "She just got out of the hospital!"

"I won't break," Audra admitted as Ken let her down.

"We have something to show you," Ken told her. "Dad and I worked on this for weeks and we really hope that you like it."

"What is it?" Audra asked.

"It's a surprise," Ken told her as he took her hand and led her upstairs with everyone else trailing. They stopped in front of Audra's room, the door was closed and Audra became nervous about what had been done. "Ta da!" Ken shouted as he flung open the door.

The first thing Audra noticed was that her baseball trophies and posters were still there. That alone provided her with a sense of relief that the remainder of the room didn't even register on her. Then, as she entered the room, Audra noticed the distinct, though subdued, feminine touch. The walls had been repainted in light pastels, not pink thankfully, and the curtains and bedspread had been replaced with ones that had flowers and lace on them. Audra stood in the center of the room and slowly twirled. Her eyes took in the strange desk with the lighted mirror, the full-length mirror on a stand near her closet, and the stuffed animals that littered her bed.

"Well, what do you think?" Ken asked.

Audra stood there for a second. Part of her rebelled at the new feminine touches, but another part of her saw the honest attempt by her father and brother to retain Audra's sense of self and her accomplishments. "It's… It's okay, I guess," Audra told them hesitantly.

"Just okay?" James asked before Ken could.

"I…" Audra burst into tears. "Thank you for not destroying Aaron!" Audra hugged her father. Audra had no other way to articulate her fears. She had been afraid that her whole life before now would have been erased, as if Aaron had never existed. Though the room was much more obviously a girl's room, it didn't lose Aaron in the process.

"We wouldn't do that Audra," James told her as he hugged her back.

***

After dinner that night, Audra moped around her new bedroom. She had already opened the closet to reveal a selection of dresses, skirts, tops, and shoes galore. The closet was in a firmly closed state at this moment. From Audra's perspective, her dressers weren't much better. Those too contained an assortment of items that could only be classed as feminine. The only saving grace was the assortment of shorts and track pants that were found.

Finding the room too depressing for the moment, Audra decided to seek out her brother. She found him hanging out in his room listening to music. "What are you listening to?" she asked as she entered.

"Roger Waters, Radio K.A.O.S." Ken told her.

"Who?"

Ken laughed. "Heathen," he commented as the lyrics to the next song came out of the speakers…

I like staying with my Uncle Dave
And I like playing with his great dane
But I don't fit
I feel alien and strange, Kinda outta range

"That's how I feel," Audra told Ken as the song stanza completed.

"Huh?" Ken asked, startled from his reverie of music.

"I feel like an alien. Look at me! They made me into a girl! I'm an alien in my own body."

Ken sighed as he contemplated his new sister. "You know, Audra, I'm not an expert…" he began.

"That's another thing. 'Audra' is what everyone calls me, like Aaron never existed. It wasn't bad enough that they made me a girl, but they took away my name!" Audra burst into tears.

Ken pulled Audra close. "Here's what they told me kid," Ken said. "And I don't know if they're right or wrong, 'cause I'm not a doctor. They told me that you were hurt real bad. They said that if they didn't do this, you would neither a man nor a woman. They said that you would somewhere in between, able to have neither."

"What does that mean?" Audra asked as she attempted to dry her tears.

"It's hard to explain, but at some point you're going to grow up. You're going to notice the opposite sex, and you're going to like noticing them. The doctors figured that the only chance you had of being happy when that happened was if you had some way of acting on it."

Audra shook her head; it wasn't as obvious to her. At eleven years old, as Aaron, she had still seen girls as something to be avoided.

"I don't have a better answer," Ken admitted.

"Do you believe it?" Audra asked.

"I don't know. I really don't know."

"And me?"

"What do you mean?"

"Will it be the same?" Audra asked the question, seeking to see if her relationship with her brother was going to change.

"Hey, you're the same to me. The same spoiled kid who barges into my room without asking."

Audra laughed, for the first time in weeks.

It could be clay and it could be sand
Could be desert
Could be a tract of arable land
Could be a house, could be a corner shop
Could be a cabin by bend in the river
Could be something you old men handed down
Could be something you built in your own
Everybody got something he calls home

"Can I borrow this disc?" Audra asked, suddenly.

"Sure. Why?"

"It says something to me. It makes sense."

Wordlessly, Ken popped the disc out of the player and handed it to her. He regarded his sister with new eyes. "Something has changed beyond the obvious," he thought. "This isn't a kid speaking to me."

 

Chapter 9: Mike

The next morning, Audra rummaged around her closet looking for something that wasn't too feminine. It had been stressful, the night before and first thing this morning, and she couldn't really cope with the whole girl thing at this point. Finally, the best she could do was a pair of jean shorts and a white top. The shorts weren't too bad, if you discounted the flower embroidered on one of the back pockets, and they were loose enough not to cause her discomfort.

Audra contemplated her appearance in the mirror as she played the disc that she had borrowed from Ken the night before. A very strong part of her identified with the main character of the album, somebody lifted out of the life they had known and thrust into a totally new situation that they weren't prepared to cope with. Audra sighed. "I still look like a girl," she thought. "Bad enough that I always looked like one, now I have to be one too?"

A knock at the bedroom door, followed by Susie skipping in, caused Audra to turn from the mirror. "I didn't say come in!" Audra scolded.

Susie shrugged. "What are you doing?" she asked.

"Figuring out how to not look so girl-like."

"Why?"

Audra rolled her eyes. "Susie, I don't want to be a girl. I never wanted to be a girl."

"What's so bad about being a girl?" Susie was confused with this. She enjoyed being a girl and couldn't see the issue.

"It's not being a boy, that's what's so bad about it."

"What's so special about being a boy?"

"Well, boys are stronger," Audra noted.

Susie raised her eyebrow at that. "Um…"

"Don't say it," Audra warned. "Boys can do more stuff and they don't have to worry about makeup and hairstyles. They can hang out, build forts, and just do what they want."

"You don't know a lot about girls, do you?"

"I know enough."

"Hardly! Girls can do that stuff too."

"I never see them do it," Audra asserted.

"That's because we don't want to do it. It doesn't mean we can't though," Susie insisted.

"That's the same thing."

"You can do anything you want Audra, being a girl doesn't stop you."

"You don't understand," Audra told her, getting frustrated.

"Neither do you. Mike called by the way, which is why I came up. He's on his way over."

Audra went from anger to panic. "Mike! I can't see Mike! Not like this."

"What's wrong with this?" Susie asked.

"Look at me! Didn't you hear anything I said?"

"Yeah, I did, but you have to get over it. You can't hide from your friends forever."

***

Mike Davidson hung up the phone after telling Susie that he was on his way over. His brain was still trying to wrap itself around the news that his parents had given him, that Aaron was now Audra and that he was a she. It just didn't register as something possible in the mind of an eleven year old.

"Mom, I'm off to Aaron's place," he called out.

"It's Audra, Mike. Audra." June Davidson had been trying to drill this into her son ever since Marianne had called her with the news. "You aren't going to be a lot of help to her if you forget," she told him.

"I'm trying mom, it's pretty hard." Mike hadn't really absorbed the information --- it seemed far to weird to him.

"I know, but try harder. Off you go." June swatted her son on the rear as he made his way out the door.

Mike grabbed his bike and pedaled over to Audra's place. Despite everything his mother had told him, he still couldn't picture Aaron as a girl. "Audra dummy!" He scolded himself. "Man this is going to be hard to get used to," Mike muttered under his breath.

Like he had hundreds of times before, Mike dropped his bike to the side of the long driveway and made his way up to the door. He hesitated in front of the door and took a deep breath before pressing the buzzer in the signal that he and Aaron had devised years ago. Not realizing that he was holding his breath, he started when the door opened.

"Mike…"

"Aar… Um… Hey Audra?" Mike attempted a smile to cover his stumble and his almost question. Before him was Aaron, but it also wasn't Aaron. It was subtle, but the person before him was a girl, at least she was dressed like one, mostly, and she did look like a younger version of Susie.

Audra sighed. "Hey Mike, come in," Audra invited as she opened the door and led the way to the kitchen. Audra climbed up on one of the stools at the breakfast nook, cupped her chin in her hands and regarded her best friend.

"How's the team doing?" she asked.

Mike wandered up to the nook counter. "Okay, I guess. We're winning most of the time."

"It's not catching you know."

"What?" Mike was startled by the sudden statement.

"Being a girl. You can't catch it from me." Audra gave him a hard stare. Mike had been, unconsciously, standing further away than usual.

"I… Uh… I… Oh man, I'm sorry! I was so worried about you. My mom told me… I guess I didn't really believe it." Mike felt tongue tied in this situation.

"Me neither."

"Huh?"

"I didn't believe it. I don't believe it." Audra felt tears forming behind her eyes and attempted to hold them back. Sitting here, with Mike, was becoming a huge strain. It felt so familiar and so different. Her mind flashed back to the song… kinda outta range.

Mike didn't know what to say. They sat across from each other, almost like two strangers meeting for the first time. He started to speak several times, but words failed him and he looked at Audra helplessly.

"Will it be the same?" Audra whispered at him.

"Yes. No. I don't know." Mike looked miserable; his heart was aching for his best friend. "We'll always be best friends. Boy, girl, it doesn't matter."

"I doesn't?" Audra looked at him with hope.

Mike shook his head. "It's different, though, but it doesn't matter. Different can be good."

Audra jumped up and hugged him. Mike could feel her tears dampening his shirt as he tried to figure out how to react.

After the two had parted, somewhat awkwardly, Mike regarded his friend. "Are you coming to the game tomorrow?" he asked.

"I can't play yet I don't think. I probably can't play for the rest of the summer because I'm still healing."

"So? You can watch and cheer us on."

"Yeah, maybe I will." Audra didn't seem all that eager to go, from what Mike could tell, but he didn't press.

***

Audra was still sorting out her feelings about the encounter with Mike long after he had left. They'd hung around most of the day, did the usual stuff, but it felt different. There was a strain, as if Mike was treating her with kid gloves and that she would break if he pressed too hard. "It's so awkward!" Audra muttered to herself. "Did I have to hug him?"

"How did it go with Mike today?" Marianne's question interrupted Audra's thoughts.

"What? Oh, okay I guess," Audra conceded.

"You guess?" Marianne raised an eyebrow.

"It was so strange. We sat there, just staring at each other half the time. Suddenly we don't know what to say."

"This is a big change Audra, it takes time for you and everyone else to get used to it."

"That's just it! I don't want to get used to it! I don't want to be a girl!" Audra shouted, hot tears of anger forming in her eyes. Audra was sick of being told it would take time, that it would work out, that it was for the best. Marianne pulled Audra into a strong hug and allowed her cry out her frustration and anger.

"Mike treats me like I'm going to break. Like becoming a girl has made me fragile," Audra sobbed into her mother's breast. Marianne stroked her hair and just rocked her through it.

"You know kiddo," Marianne said when Audra had cried herself out. "You'll just have to prove you aren't so fragile. That being a girl doesn't mean that you can't do all the things that you did before."

"How?"

"By doing them."

"I can't! Not yet anyways," Audra protested.

"Says who? You have to be a little more careful, since you could re-injure yourself a bit more easily, but the stitches are out and you just need the protection that you already have."

"A cup?" Audra looked surprised.

"A cup," Marianne affirmed. "Girls need them too!"

"So I can play ball again?"

Marianne nodded.

Audra felt a wave of relief roll through her at those words. She had, naturally, assumed that she couldn't play. Knowing that she could play provided her with a connection to a life that she had been quickly losing touch with.

 

Chapter 10: Take Me Out to the Ball Game…

Audra happily donned her baseball uniform Sunday morning. Even the hated stents couldn't get her down today because today she could pretend that nothing was different, that Aaron was still here. So it was a smiling version of Audra that made her way through breakfast that morning and took the usual pills that her mother provided without complaint. Even Susie deciding to tag along didn't bother her that much.

"I'm sorry we can't come along Audra, to watch your first game back, but I promised your grandmother that we would help her with some house repairs today," James told his new daughter as she rounded up her baseball stuff.

"Its okay dad, say 'hi' to grandma and grandpa for me," Audra made him promised.

"I will. Good luck slugger!"

Audra would have preferred her parents to be there, but she understood given the last minute decision that she had made that they already had promises to keep. Still, having Susie along made her feel a little safer and a little more secure. "Ken would be better," She mused to herself. "But he's already gone out."

Audra and Susie grabbed their bikes and made their way to the ballpark. As they passed the spot where Audra had been kidnapped, she felt a real twinge of fear, as if she feared that the kidnappers would jump out and grab her again. "You're being silly," Audra scolded herself. "What could they do now? Kill you? Would that be so bad?" Audra shook her head as they rode, trying to dispel that notion.

Audra stopped at the entrance of the park, causing Susie to go past her. Susie also stopped and looked back at her quizzically. "Why did you stop?" Susie asked.

Audra took a deep breath and shook her head without answering. As she started pedaling, her mind was trying to calm down. "They don't know," She told herself. "Just pretend that nothing is different." Audra chained up her bike.

"Hey! Ready for the big game?" Mike shouted.

"Born ready!" Audra replied, automatically. Actually grinning, Audra felt herself become less tense with the familiar ritual that she and Mike shared. She made her way down to the dugout as Susie headed towards the stands. Audra was grateful for the thumbs up encouragement from Susie; it made her feel less alone.

Mike intercepted her halfway. "You're in uniform," he observed.

"Yeah, my mom says I can play as long as I'm a little more careful."

"Cool! Though I think Coach Clarke has the lineup set."

"No prob. I figured I'd have to work my way back in," Audra admitted as they entered the dugout. Coach Clarke was giving some last minute positioning instruction to the other players as they entered.

"Aaron! I didn't know you were out of the hospital," Coach Clarke commented as he saw Audra.

Audra elbowed Mike before he could correct the name. "I've been out for a couple of days Coach and my mom says I'm healthy enough to play," she informed him.

Coach Clarke smiled. "Well, that's good," He told her. "We'll get you into today, but no promises on when. I think you'll need a few practices under your belt before you're back into the swing of things."

Audra nodded and took a seat on the bench. Audra's team was the 'visiting' team today, so they batted first. Aaron, before the kidnapping, batted third in the rotation because he had a good eye and good speed. The Coach had moved Mike into that position and Steve Avery, who had taken over Aaron's position at third, was batting eighth. Audra liked Steve and he was an okay player, but not really all that good at the plate because he swung at almost anything.

***

The game was very close. Audra had been helping around the dugout and cheering on her team, but entering the sixth, and final, inning they were down by a run. The first three batters up managed to get on base courtesy of a couple of walks and single. Steve, who hadn't been having a good day at the plate, went on deck as the next batter got set for the pitch. At this point, Coach Clarke decided it was a good time to switch Audra in for Steve, figuring that it was worth a shot and he had to get her in anyways. Audra was pretty good at the mid-range hits that created a lot of singles and doubles. No power for the long ball, but a run was all they needed to tie this up.

Audra was nervous as she took her practice swings in the circle. The batter finally popped up to shallow left field, too shallow for the runner at third to make it home and her team now had one out. Taking a few deep breaths, Audra made her way to the plate. Audra swung at the first pitch and knew immediately that her timing was off when she missed it. She ignored the second pitch, trying to get a read on the pitcher, but it was called a strike. Feeling her palms getting sweaty, she readied herself for the next pitch.

Audra saw the ball coming in and aimed her swing. She could feel the satisfying crack of the ball against the bat and saw it head towards second base. Flinging the bat, she took off for first base as fast as she could. About halfway to the base, she felt a twinge in her groin and stumbled slightly. The second baseman managed to tag out the runner from first and had thrown the ball to the first baseman. The twinge, though, cost Audra that necessary step and she was called out at the base.

It was a dejected Audra that made her way back to the dugout. Her twinge had prevented her from making first base before the throw and they would have tied the game with only two out and a man on third. Coach Clarke clapped her on the shoulder.

"Don't feel too bad Aaron," he told her. "You're timing is a little off, but you'll get it back."

Audra smiled at him gratefully as she sat down on the bench.

"Alright kids, practice next Saturday night is at 7:30 pm, so don't be late or you get extra laps. Today was a good effort, it was close and we're still in good shape for the championship run." Coach Clarke patted a few more dejected shoulders on the way out.

"Way to screw it up Wilson," Bobby Grant sneered after the coach had left.

"Yeah," David Ames chimed in. Bobby Grant was the local bully and had a habit of choosing Aaron, and now Audra, as one of his targets. David was one of his crew of boys that followed him around for the dubious 'prestige' of it.

"Shut up Clarke," Mike advised. Mike was one of the few guys that wasn't afraid of Bobby, being about the same size and holding roughly even odds of winning a fight between the two.

"You shut up. Wilson blew it for us, stumbling like an idiot," Bobby asserted.

"It wasn't her fault," Mike protested. "She just got out of the hospital."

"She?" Bobby's eyes goggled. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

Audra groaned and buried her face in her hands. Despite the fact that she knew that this was going to eventually come out, she still dreaded it.

"Umm…" Mike hesitated. "Nothing, just go away."

However, this wasn't going to happen. Not only was Bobby suddenly interested, but so was the rest of the team. "I don't think so, tell us what is going on," Bobby demanded to a chorus of agreement around him.

Audra shrank into the corner of the dugout and hugged her knees as Mike looked at her for guidance. She shook her head, but Mike was trapped. Mike sighed, seeing no way out. "Aaron got hurt, real bad. They had to make him into a girl. Aaron is now Audra," Mike admitted to them as Audra began to cry softly in the corner.

As a couple of the boys unconsciously crossed their legs and looked around, Bobby Grant started laughing. "That's hilarious! The boy that looks like a girl is now a girl!" Bobby mocked. "What a freak, you probably always wanted to be a girl."

Audra was shaking her head in furious denial as Susie burst into the dugout. "What are you doing to my sister?" She shouted as she saw Audra's tears.

The question only made Bobby laugh harder. "Your sister? Oh man, this is so funny!"

Susie propped her hands on her hips and stood in front of Bobby. "You think it's funny? You're an asshole Bobby Grant and always will be. That's why nobody likes you."

"Oh yeah? Well, I tell you what, why don't you and that crying freak in the corner take off before I beat the piss out of it!?!" Bobby snarled.

"You're a jerk," Mike said as he pushed Bobby backwards.

"You want to make something of it Davidson?" Bobby demanded. The rest of the team looked on in amazement at the scene developing in front of them, but none of them dared to interfere.

"Yeah, I do."

Within seconds, both boys were rolling on the ground trading punches. Neither saw Coach Clarke re-enter the dugout looking for his clipboard. As soon as he saw the fight, he jumped in and separated the two boys. "What's going on here?" he demanded.

"Bobby started it," Mike asserted.

"Did not!"

"He did, he was picking on Audra here because of the double play and her injuries," Mike insisted.

Coach Clarke looked confused. "Audra? Who's Audra?"

Before Mike could answer, Susie interjected, "Audra was Aaron. Call my mom on her cell, she'll explain."

Coach Clarke took out his cell phone as he commented, "I hope somebody can."

He dialed Marianne's cell phone with Susie's instructions. "Hi. Marianne? Daniel Clarke here. Sorry to bother you, but I have a situation at the ballpark and it's a little confusing. Is it possible for you to tell me about Aaron?"

The kids on the team watched as Coach Clarke went very pale over what he was hearing on the phone. "I see," he said. "Thanks Marianne, I know that it's hard to talk about. Give my regards to Jimmy."

Coach Clarke pressed 'end' on the cell phone and turned to regard the two combatants. "I want the truth here," he instructed.

Jason Stewart, the team captain, stepped forward. "I'll tell you what happened," he said.

"Go ahead."

"Bobby blamed Aaron, umm… Audra, for us losing. Mike stepped in and told him to leave her alone. Mike explained what happened, sort of, and Bobby started laughing about it. When Mike challenged him, the fight started."

Coach Clarke looked at Mike and Bobby. "Is this true?" he asked. Both nodded, though Bobby did so reluctantly.

Audra stepped up beside Jason and whispered, "Thank you."

Jason smiled and nodded.

Coach Clarke looked very serious as he addressed the team. "One of the great things about baseball, or any other team sport, is the team. Teammates are supposed to help each other, be there for each other, and work together. We win or lose as a team, not as individuals. No single individual is responsible for a win or loss. Do you understand me?"

The team nodded and murmured "yes" to the question.

"Today, a teammate returned to us after being very seriously hurt. This teammate faced a serious and life-changing experience. This teammate needs us more than ever and should have the right to expect that without question. I'm greatly disappointed in this group because you failed to do this." Coach Clarke placed his hand on Audra's shoulder as he continued, "I expect that, in the future, you will show the proper support for Audra and any other teammate that needs it. If you do not, I will not hesitate to remove any one of you from this team. Am I clear?"

The nods were subdued.

"Good."

 

Chapter 11: The Secret of Success

"Get in here boy!" Robert Grant shouted as he heard his son come through the front door. Robert Grant was one of those classic 'chew them up and spit them out' businessmen with a firm belief that men should be running the world and women should be in the kitchen. Robert also believed that it was his duty to raise his son to be a real man: tough, strong, and not afraid to step on a few people to get to the top. That was the way Robert Grant saw it anyways and he wasn't reluctant to use his belt to ensure that it happened.

"Yes sir?" Bobby asked as he poked his head into his father's home office. Bobby really hated it when his father was at home because it meant more 'lessons' on being a man than he really wanted to hear. Fortunately for Bobby, his workaholic father was often at the office, even on weekends, than at home. Unfortunately though, today wasn't one of those days.

"I heard you got in a fight," Robert stated.

"Yes sir."

"Did you win?"

"It didn't get that far, the coach showed up just as it started." Bobby was a little nervous; his father didn't like seeing him lose fights. He called it a sign of weakness.

Robert mulled that over for a second. "You'll finish it," he instructed.

"Finish it?"

"Yes, damn it, finish it. One thing you have to learn is that you can never let somebody think that they got the best of you. If you leave this unfinished, then they'll think they won. Grants do not lose!"

"Yes sir." Bobby heaved a mental sigh. He just wanted this discussion over with.

"The secret of success is not to leave things unfinished and to make sure you don't give your opponent any opening. What was the fight about?"

"One of our players screwed up and cost us the game."

"Was that who you fought?" Robert asked.

Bobby shook his head. "Mike Davidson," Bobby admitted.

"Davidson? Why were you fighting him?"

"Mike stood up for her," Bobby explained.

"Her? Since when did a girl join the team?"

Bobby was regretting the slip of the tongue that made him say 'her' in explanation. "It's hard to explain sir."

"Explain it!" Robert instructed as he mused that girls were showing up trying to get their noses into everything men did.

"Um… you remember Aaron Wilson?"

Robert nodded, "Is his sister playing?"

"Not exactly sir, Aaron is the girl."

"What the hell are you talking about boy?" Robert looked confused.

Bobby explained the basics of what he learned and concluded with, "I think they called her Aura or Audra. Something like that."

"And the coach let this… this… person play?"

Bobby nodded.

"And it cost you the game?"

Bobby nodded again.

Robert leaned back in his chair as Bobby shuffled his feet. "I don't like doctors playing with nature and creating freaks," Robert pronounced. For some reason, he felt profoundly disturbed by the situation. "You had better stay away from it, do you hear me?"

"Yes sir," Bobby replied.

"I don't want a relapse in you. I'll make you into a man, come hell or high water, and I don't want some freak putting bizarre notions in your head."

Bobby stayed mute.

"If I catch you hanging out with it, I'll tear your hide off. Am I clear?"

"Yes sir."

"Good. Get out. I have some work to do."

Bobby turned and left without a word.

***

Bobby sat cross-legged on Amy's bed. "Well, I got another lecture on being a man," he commented.

Amy looked at her brother with some sympathy. Being a girl, she was spared much of the harsher aspect of her father. "Come to think of it," Amy thought. "I get nothing from him at all."

"About what?" Amy asked.

"Mike Davidson and I got in a fight today."

"Oh yeah? About what?"

Bobby paused for a second. "Do you know Aaron Wilson?" He asked.

Amy nodded as she hung around with Susie Wilson a fair bit. "Aaron's okay, for a boy, and doesn't pester us much," she noted.

Bobby snorted before continuing. "Well, you might see more of him, or her I guess," he commented.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I guess something happened to him and he got turned into a girl."

"What?!?" Amy looked shocked.

"Yep. Kind of funny actually."

Amy stared hard at her brother. "I don't think you're one to laugh," she told him.

Bobby paled slightly and then his face hardened. "That's over with."

Amy snorted in turn. "What's that got to do with fighting Mike?" she asked.

"Aaron or, I guess Audra as they call it now, screwed up in the sixth and I just made some comments. Davidson kind of flipped."

Amy gave him another hard stare. "You're turning into him," she said.

"Give it a rest Amy, what's the big deal?"

Amy just shook her head as she recalled a very different brother before her father got his hooks into him.

"If I'm going to be successful, I can't be afraid to tell people what I think."

"I don't think I'll like you very much when that happens," Amy suggested.

"Yeah? Well, I'll get over it!" Bobby stomped out of the room.

Amy watched her brother leave with a sad expression. For a thirteen year old girl, she was pretty world-wise. Growing up in a household where her father treated women like second-class citizens and showed her comparable affection had given Amy a perspective on life that focused on the self-reliant. She really didn't like what she was seeing her brother turn into. "It wasn't all that long ago that Bobby would have reacted completely different," she mused to herself.

 

Chapter 12: Pushing the Girl

The best Audra could describe her mood in the morning was foul. Yesterday had not gone as she had planned, her secret had gotten out in circumstances that she would have rather had avoided and it was apparent to her that Bobby Grant was only going to be worse than before.

Audra grimaced as she tugged the strap of her shirt. The best she could do today was a pale green short and shirt set, and it was still far too feminine for her tastes. Regardless, it avoided the need to open that closet again, and for that Audra was grateful. Barefoot, she made her way down to the backyard swimming pool and plopped herself down at the edge, dangling her feet in the cool water.

Susie wandered out and found Audra idly kicking the water's surface. "Hey, what's up?" she asked as she sat down cross-legged on the deck.

"Nothing," Audra replied shortly.

"Do you want to do anything today?" Susie asked, ignoring the terseness of the response.

"Like what?"

"I don't know. Maybe hang out at the mall?"

Audra rolled her eyes. "Why would I want to do that?" Audra demanded.

"It's something to do."

Audra shrugged, "With whom?"

"I figured I'd call Dana, Julie, and Amy and we'd badger Ken into taking us."

"Why?" Audra asked again.

"You need to learn about being a girl," Susie admitted her motivation as Audra's face darkened. "Hey, like it or not, you're one of us now," Susie said, cutting Audra off before she could explode. "If you don't want to look weird, you have to learn."

Audra drew her legs up out of the water and hugged her knees. "I don't want to learn, I just want to be a boy again."

"Well, it ain't going to happen, so you might as well learn."

Audra felt tears trickling down her cheeks as she turned away from Susie. "Just leave me alone," she instructed. She heard the barely audible sigh of frustration from Susie.

"Look Audra, if you fight it, you're only going to be unhappy," Susie insisted as she stared at her sister's back.

"You don't get it, just being this way is making me unhappy."

"That's because you don't understand the good side of it."

"Like what?" Audra demanded, still faced the other way.

"You have to learn it."

Audra shrugged as Susie threw her hands into the air. Susie stood up and surveyed her new sister and made a decision. "We're going out," she stated.

"No."

"We'll see," Susie threatened as she made her way back into the house.

***

Susie had just hung up from her last phone call when her mother entered the kitchen. "Just what are you planning young lady?" Marianne asked.

"I'm trying to get Audra to go to the mall," Susie explained.

"I see. Why?"

"All she talks about is how bad it is to be a girl and she refuses to learn any of the good stuff."

"How does Audra feel about it?"

"She doesn't want to go," Susie admitted.

"I think it's a very good idea," Marianne mused aloud. Spying Audra on the pool deck, she made a decision and walked out to see her.

"Audra?"

"Yes?" Audra didn't turn around.

"Look at me sweetie," Marianne instructed and Audra turned to face her. "I think you need to get out a bit and learn a few things about yourself."

"I don't want to go to the mall with a bunch of girls."

"Why not?"

"It's boring!"

"I'll make you a deal," Marianne suggested.

"A deal?" Audra was a bit more curious.

"If you go out with the girls for three hours and can genuinely tell me that you didn't have any fun at all with them afterwards, I'll buy you five video games of your choice. Do we have a deal?" Marianne wasn't keen on bribing Audra, but she felt it necessary to motivate the child to action. The only time she hadn't moped around the house was at the baseball game and that was a disaster thanks to Bobby Grant.

Audra nodded a yes to the question and Marianne smiled at her in encouragement.

***

Audra was silent during the ride to the mall as the four girls chatted around her and Ken in the back seats of the minivan. Every now and then, Ken glanced over at Audra in the front passenger seat and managed a small smile of sympathy.

The three girls had already heard the basics of Audra's situation. Amy had heard it from Bobby, and Dana and Julie, the Clarke twins, had heard from their father who coached Audra's baseball team. Marianne had filled them in with a few more details before they had left and so the girls were now anxious to impart their accumulated years of feminine wisdom. Plans were being drawn up even as Audra stared glumly out the window of the van.

Ken dropped the girls off at the entrance to the mall with instructions to meet him at the entrance in three hours. For himself, he was going shopping for music and books, and then would probably hit the video arcade.

Audra reluctantly followed the girls inside as they made a beeline for the nearest teenager clothing store. She stood there and watched the four begin their pawing of the racks in a quest for who-knew-what. Audra rolled her eyes and made her way over to a chair near the change rooms like she had a hundred times before and sat down to wait. "Yep, boring," she said to herself.

It was Dana that first noticed that Audra hadn't joined them at the racks and so she began scanning the store. Spotting Audra by the change rooms, she tucked the two pairs of jeans over her arm and marched over. "Why are you sitting down?" Dana asked.

"I'm bored. I hate shopping," Audra explained.

"You haven't even tried," Dana accused.

Audra shrugged, "I don't know anything about girl's clothes." Audra's tone suggested that she didn't really want to either.

"Lighten up Audra, we'll help you."

Audra shrugged again.

"I know about your deal with your mom. If you don't try, you won't have any fun, and I'll tell her you didn't try. You won't get any video games that way."

Audra sighed. "Alright," she conceded. Audra knew that Dana wasn't kidding; the four girls would tell her mom that she hadn't tried and that would cost her the video games. Reluctantly, Audra got up and joined the girls at the racks and began moving the clothes around without any idea of what to look for.

The girls could see that Audra was struggling to look interested and find things, but that she wasn't having much luck at it. So the girls switched from looking for things for them to looking for things for Audra and within minutes had an armload of various clothing items for her to try on. They then herded Audra back to the change room for a try-on session.

The first couple of items weren't a big deal, just jeans and various tops. Audra found herself beginning to relax a little, this wasn't so bad. It wasn't until Susie handed her a skirt that Audra balked.

"No," Audra said firmly.

"Why not? It's just a skirt," Susie cajoled.

"No."

"Please? Pretty please? With sugar on top?" The other girls joined in to wear down the resistance.

"No."

Susie stamped her foot. "Look, it's just a simple skirt! It's not a big deal. They're comfy and if you would just try it, you'll find out that it's not that bad."

"You don't understand," Audra accused.

"No, I don't. Just try it. You don't have to buy it, but just try it on. I promise that we won't make you try on anything else you don't want to."

Reluctantly, Audra took the skirt from Susie's hand and went back into the stall. She shrugged off the jeans she had tried on and dropped them on the bench. Her hand trembled as she reached for the skirt and she dropped her arm back down beside her. "I can't!" Audra's mind shouted at her. "It's not right." Audra stared at the skirt feeling shaky, her mind seeing it as surrender to girlhood.

"Audra? You okay?" Susie knocked on the door.

Audra took a deep breath. "Yeah," she said.

"What's taking so long?"

"Nothing," Audra said as she worked to convince herself that she was just being silly. She could sense the impatience of the four girls from the other side of the door as she took down the skirt. Her hand shook badly and she dropped it. "Get a grip on yourself," she muttered.

Taking a couple more deep breaths, Audra calmed herself and put the skirt on. She had seen her mother and Susie wear skirts often enough to know that the zipper went to the back. Audra turned to the door and faced the mirror on its back. Her eyes took in the appearance of the young girl standing in a short skirt and she required a few more deep breaths to steady herself. Finally, she opened the door.

"Satisfied?" Audra asked as she did a turn at Susie's instruction.

"That looks good on you," Amy commented to nods.

Audra grimaced.

"Is it that uncomfortable?" Susie asked.

Audra thought about that for a second. Privately, she had to admit that it was physically comfortable, mentally was a different story. Audra shrugged, "I feel half naked."

"You just have to get used to it," Julie suggested.

"Maybe," Audra conceded as she went back inside the booth to change into her street clothes.

 

Chapter 13: Food (Court) Fight

The five made their way down to the food court for a quick Coke before heading back into the mall melee. Audra privately admitted to herself that, so far, it hadn't been that bad even with the skirt. As they sat down with their drinks, Audra slipped into mental daydreaming as the others began to plot their next target store. She mentally groaned as she heard shoes, but suppressed the vocalization of it. "Only a couple of more hours," Audra told herself. "You can survive it."

Audra felt the bump against her back, but ignored it. However, the second elbow to her back caused her to whirl around in her seat and come face to face with Bobby.

Bobby gave her a malicious grin. "Hey freak," he sneered as his group of cronies snickered behind him.

"Go away," Audra instructed followed with a chorus from the other girls at the table.

"Make me," Bobby taunted, giving her a small shove to the shoulder.

With the shove, both Susie and Amy stood up to confront him. "What is your problem?" Amy demanded.

"Shut up Amy, this freak cost us the game yesterday."

"She's not a freak!" Susie shouted, coming nose to nose with Bobby.

Bobby shoved her back. "They cut off its dick and made it a girl. That's a freak in my book," Bobby said.

Audra snapped. The days and weeks of denial, pressure, and fear came boiling out of her and she leapt at Bobby swinging. Her attack caught Bobby by surprise and she managed a couple of decent punches before Bobby's superior size and strength allowed him to flip her over and pin her arms against the ground.

Amy caught her brother's raised fist and whispered in his ear, "If you swing, your secret comes out."

Bobby paled at his sister's words. "You wouldn't," he insisted without much conviction.

"Try me."

Bobby hesitated a few more seconds before lowering his fist and standing up. "Next time, freak, you won't get off so… urk!" Bobby felt himself being lifted by his collar and swung around, coming face to face with Ken.

"Freak?" Ken menaced.

"Um…" Bobby was looking pale again. Not only was Ken six years older, but he was one of those guys who was so solidly built that you just avoided causing trouble with them. Ken was an unexpected development in a situation that had gone from bad to worse in Bobby's perspective.

"Let me tell you something little boy, the next time I catch you picking on either of my sisters, I'll make you envy a pretzel. Am I clear?" Ken demanded.

Bobby nodded, his eyes wide.

Ken let him go and watched as he and his friends took off from the food court. Ken then turned to see Susie and Amy holding a very shaken looking Audra who had tears running down her face. "You okay?" he asked.

Audra hiccupped and nodded, trying to wipe away the tears. "I lost it," she whispered.

Ken nodded. "Sit down and gather yourself," he instructed with a sympathetic smile as he joined the girls at the table.

Audra took some more sips from her drink and composed herself. Finally, when she felt her emotions were more under control, she gave everyone a weak smile. "I'm sorry," she apologized.

"What for?" Julie demanded.

"For losing it," Audra admitted.

Dana and Amy snorted at the same time. "I don't blame you," Dana commented.

Amy started giggling.

"What?" everyone asked at the same time.

"Bobby is going to have a wicked shiner," Amy told them laughing. "Audra got a really good one in on the first swing." Amy's laughter got everyone else going and the crisis passed.

"Why's he like that Amy?" Susie finally asked as the laughter died down.

Amy sighed. "It's my father," she explained. Looking around at the uncomprehending expressions, she elaborated. "My father thinks that guys should be strong, not afraid to fight, that stepping on others is the right way to get ahead. Bobby didn't used to be like this."

Audra nodded, she remembered a Bobby who was much more fun to be around.

"My father thought that Bobby was being a wimp. He'd beat Bobby whenever he thought that Bobby had failed to act like a man and Bobby started behaving more like him to avoid trouble."

"What about you?" Susie asked.

Amy paused. More than anything, she wanted to have the love and approval of her father. She was a girl, however, and Robert Grant saw little value in girls. "I don't think he knows I exist," Amy admitted as the tears began to trickle from her eyes.

Audra, who was sitting beside Amy, suddenly gave her a hug. Amy's revelation was a bit of an eye opener for Audra, that as bad as her situation was, other people might have it just as bad in a different way. "At least," Audra thought. "My family all love me."

Amy brushed away the tears. "It's no big deal," she proclaimed with a half-hearted smile. "I'm used to it." She gave Audra a return squeeze in thanks.

None of the others really believed it, but they let it drop for Amy's sake.

(continued)  

  

  

  

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