BE FOREWARNED. The following story contains sexually explicit material not suited for those who have not yet achieved the age of maturity. If you should fall into this category, do not read further. Consult the laws of your community to clarify if you are eligible to read adult sexual material. The theme is transsexual. If this type of reading matter offends you, read no further. Go do something else.

 

Armed Forces                 by: Virginia Kane               ©1996. All rights reserved.

 

Part Four

Chapter One. College Planning

After Dr. Korrick walked with me back to the night attendants’ quarters, I received a phone message at the desk that my dad had called, and would fetch me to come home about 6:00 PM. I was glad, because I wanted to relax in a nice hot tub at home for a change. Taking daily showers was expedient; but at home, in a bathtub, I could really relax from the day’s hectic activities at the hospital before seeing Louise. Dad’s offer to pick me up was a welcome alternative to my taking a smelly bus ride home.

My hour-long bath was invigorating. Louise showed up at our house at

7:30, as planned, but I was surprised to see her mom and dad with her. I assumed we two would have a quick dinner with my folks. Then, I could spend the evening alone with Louise in hopes of hearing her tell me about her college acceptance, and perhaps get a chance to weave my getting an offer to participate in "Program T" into our discussions, somehow.

I looked to my mother for some further explanation. Mom nonchalantly put me off, saying Louise had some very good news she wanted to share with us as well as with her folks, so mom invited them all to join us for dinner.

Louise grabbed me in a big hug and said: "Tony, we’re all going out to celebrate! I’ve been accepted into medical school! Next week, I’ll start in pre-med right next door to the hospital at the university’s medical campus. Isn’t that wonderful? My mom and dad wanted to come along to share the good news with you and your parents, to celebrate it together tonight.

Oh, Tony! I’m so happy! You know, it’s my dad’s dream, too, that I’d be able to pursue a career in medicine. He wanted to become a doctor, but he didn’t have the means when he was young. I’m so excited!

The only thing that could possibly make me happier would be for you to be able to go to school with me, Tony. We could continue to study and do our homework together, like we always did. Wouldn’t that be great?" She then released me and hugged her dad. "Dad thinks we’d make a great team."

I was speechless. Even after being prompted by Dr. Korrick, I just wasn’t prepared to respond to her announcement in front of our parents. I felt pressured. I was truly happy for Louise, but was afraid I might be stomping on her parade if I announced my own desires for considering a medical school application if it came, or even discussing what had occurred at the hospital to influence me. I didn’t want to detract from Louise’s moment of glory. I had to choose my words carefully, so I wouldn’t screw up again.

"What’s the matter with you, Tony?" Mom inquired. "Aren’t you pleased to hear that Louise is going to attend college near the hospital where you two can see one another more often? It would make it so much easier for you two. You seem to be drifting apart since you started your new job." Aside, mom whispered to me. "What’s got into you, son? Have you been seeing someone else? Don’t you dare make Louise feel unwelcome to be near you at the hospital, young man!"

Aside, I responded. "You’ve got it backwards, mom. I’m speechless, cause nothing would make me happier. I’ll explain it to all five of you later on, mom… Something has come up that, well, for a change, I’d like advice from all of you before making a decision. I don’t think it would be right for me to talk about it now. Right now, this is Louise’s big moment."

I turned to Louise. "Louise, you’ve got to believe me, honey. I’m ecstatic for you. If I could, I’d really like to make you happy by continuing to go to school with you. There is a chance that I could. You always made school easier for me, showing me how what we learned is useful in life. Maybe, before the night is over, I’ll be able to tell you more, but not ‘till later.

Right now, I’m so happy for you, and for your parents, that I’d much rather celebrate your news, first. What’s the plan? How shall we celebrate?"

"Tonyyyyy!" Louise exclaimed. "How we celebrate isn’t important, what’s important is that we celebrate together. I wanted us to be together when I announced my college acceptance, tonight, because you five are the most important people in the world to me. I was hoping you felt the same way I do, and would like to tell us if you have decided on anything concrete for your future at the same time." She touched my right arm, and I melted. She purposely led me to the point where I had to bring up the plans I was considering to postpone until later, when Louise and I were alone.

"Well, Louise, You’re right, as usual. I do have something to tell about my future. It’s something that I wanted to discuss with you first, Louise. I may as well mention it now, because I’d like all of you to think about it and help me to decide. I know that I said and did some rash things a while back that I’m sorry about... Now, I can see that I’ll need help from all of you to make a serious career decision. Let’s all have dinner, first. Let me think about my intentions for a bit. We can talk about it afterwards"

"Okay, Mr. Anthony Court!" Chided Louise." But, don’t think for one minute that we’re going to let you off the hook that easy! We’ll wait ‘till after we all have dinner, but only if you promise now, that you’ll tell us then what you have on your mind; and not postpone it one minute later." I promised, and we all went out to the best restaurant in town to celebrate Louise’s news.

Throughout dinner, I was wondering how in the world I was going to tell them all that I was considering a momentous decision that would change everything about me. Where should I begin? This wasn’t going to be easy. I wanted to get back to our house before talking about it, in case they misunderstood and thought I was loony. I was becoming so nervous that Louise’s dad came up to me as we were leaving the restaurant, walking to his van. He put his arm around my shoulder. I got that warm, fuzzy feeling again. He must have noticed how preoccupied I was throughout dinner.

"Tony, you can make us all happy by telling us about your career plans, tonight, too, especially Louise. She’ll surely want you to include her in your future plans, whatever it is. Of course, we will all be behind your decision."

When we got back to our house, we all sat in the living room, except for mom. She went to put on a pot of coffee. Complimentary comments about Louise’s school plans subsided when mom returned, and the attention was directed towards me. I still wasn’t sure of how to start.

The tension in the room was building up, but no one offered to speak, so I mentioned that I was advised of a research project that was taking place at the hospital using some students in pre-med. I told them I inquired about the program and, as a result, was tested and interviewed to see if I qualified. Then I said I expected to know the results of the tests, soon. And I added that the program might offer some scholarship grants.

For the next fifteen minutes, I explained much of what evolved since I got the night attendant’s job, thanks to Louise, that was usually reserved for pre-med students. I included how doing my job gave me the opportunity to see many the different occupations involved in providing comprehensive health care, first hand. Everyone I worked with at the hospital seemed to think I was well suited for a future in health care and encouraged me to enroll in the pre-med school to enhance my capabilities.

I didn’t know they all knew about the program and already met with Dr. Sims and Dr. Evers to plan my recruitment. I explained how I was worried about distressing my folks and went for stress counseling. That enabled me to get the nerve to call home to make apologies for leaving in a huff.

In gratitude, I agreed to keep regular appointments to help me to conquer my fears and to learn to be more decisive. Then I told them that Dr. Sims and a few others felt I should consider volunteering for a program they’re running to find techniques to help people deal with the kind of stress I had been under. So far, I didn’t know if I qualified yet, but if I did qualify, they would use hormone therapy and measure changes in behavior patterns.

That piqued their interest. I then told them that the hormone therapy might temporarily affect my personality, including a possible increase in feminine traits or characteristics. I wasn’t sure how they’d take that bold revelation, especially Louise. I wanted their support if I decided to join the program.

I was looking for their reactions, and it seemed as if they were all listening intently, but were waiting until I finished before making any comments. My dad looked a bit shocked. I don’t think the others seemed to grasp how much the program might change me. Dad was the first to respond.

"Do you really want to do this, Tony?"

"Yeah, dad, I do. I think it’s an important new field in development"

"Well son, I hope you understand the seriousness and the potential value you could contribute to the field of medicine if you qualify. You could be saving lives, or at least make some lives more meaningful by your giving of yourself. It’s a noble gesture. I’m concerned that you are still so young, and might not fully understand the changes you might encounter. Also, I’m concerned that you might get disillusioned and want to leave the program, abruptly, and not see it through. I hope you will see it through, but aren’t you afraid of not completing the research? Something like this may take years. It would mean a considerable long-term sacrifice on your part.

Don’t misunderstand. I’m extremely proud of you, son; that you want to be in something like this. I encourage your sense of dedication. You seem to be eager to make a serious commitment, for now. However, how long will your dedication continue? I’ll do anything I can to help. I know Dr. Evers well. He and I went to college together. He’s an expert in his field, a highly qualified researcher, as well, ever since I’ve known him. Any program that he is in charge of has to have high potential worthy of merit. But, don’t be too quick to accept this challenge unless you are sure you are ready for it."

"Oh, dad. I’m ready. Think of it. I can take part in important research. In a way, I think this program is the best way for me to find out if I’m cut out for a career in research for the rest of my life. It’s something I find appealing, helping others. I’m afraid that I might not be smart enough to develop new ways to advance science, but I could still assist in developments in some way. Besides, they offer a scholarship to pre-med to the volunteers. Think of the money it would save you and mom.

Maybe the doctors in charge of the program can see something about me that I don’t see yet that makes me a desirable candidate. I’d do anything to be a part of this exciting program. Participating in this can be a big help to find the ideal career niche for me. I just want all of you to understand that I need your approval first. I want your advice before I commit myself.

I won’t do it if you feel I’m behaving like some sort of freak or nutcase for wanting to volunteer for previously untried medical treatments they may use. Dr. Sims said the researchers feel they can develop harmless ways for men to be far less susceptible to different illnesses that are worse for men because of ways men react to stress differently than women do.

The treatments they mentioned may result in my experiencing a few minor feminine traits. For the sake of research, I don’t think that will be so bad, but I couldn’t stand you all thinking I’ll become some kind of freak. I want to volunteer, in spite of reservations I have, but not if you think I shouldn’t.

If you don’t think I should, I’d like to know, so in the event I qualify, I’ll just tell them I’ve decided to not volunteer. They claim any changes will be reversible if or when I should feel that I couldn’t stay in the program, and insist that it isn’t dangerous. I’m not concerned about the changes being permanent or too much to handle. I’m concerned that you’ll hate me for becoming ‘different’ for a while by doing what they ask while participating."

Mother moved her chair closer to me, directly in front of my chair. She sat down, and took my hands in hers. "Son, when we decided to start a family, your father and I tried for a long time without success. When I was finally able to conceive a child, we didn’t know whether you’d be a boy or a girl until we found out through examining your development with ultrasound.

Do you think we’d love you any less had you been a girl? Do you think any of us will love you any less if you started to look more like one, now? I for one was willing to accept you either way, back then, and I am now. Tony, you are my child, and I want you to be happy. If this program can help you to be happier by giving of yourself for the scientific world to help find new remedies, why would I want to resist your innermost desires to make your personal contribution, if that is what you want to do? I think you discovered a rare opportunity and I, for one, support your ambition.

 

The important question to consider is how you feel about Louise. I think she loves you, and you’ve told me how much you care for her often. Have you adequately considered Louise and her parents in this decision? They might have sincere reservations this program may alter your ability to have normal relations, to marry and have a family of your own someday. Before we had you, your father and I were very concerned that we’d be deprived the priviledge of a child of our own. You might want to give careful thought to your future lives together before you venture into this experiment."

"No, mom. I doubt if it would affect my ability to sire children. The condition will be temporary, fully reversible, according to one of the doctors that told me about it. The changes they expect would be minor, only affecting my appearance and some of my attitudes. That’s why I think it would be a good idea. Dr. Sims called my stupid behavior when I left home immature. She suggested I might adopt more mature attitudes while being treated. If I could be cured of my nagging self-doubt, it would be worth any risk that a bit of feminine features might entail. Don’t you agree?"

Louise’s dad piped in. "Well, my wife and I have always felt it would be a great accomplishment to see our daughter and your son together for life as man and wife. We think that Tony would be an excellent husband for Louise, even if he does participate in this research for a while. Of course, we’d like to see some grandchildren enter our lives someday, but these two have a lot of school to finish first, anyway. I doubt if the university and hospital controlled program will do any physical harm to Tony that would prevent these two from having children if and when they decide to have them. Do any of you??? Researchers simply don’t take chances like that."

I sat back, taking it all in. They all were going a great job of talking each other into supporting me. Dad responded to Louise’s father by saying that Dr. Evers was highly regarded, renown for his strides in genetics. If there was anyone was to be trusted, it was Dr. Evers.

Then, he turned to Louise. "Louise, we all love you. Tony’s mom and I want you to be happy, as well. Can you accept Tony’s intentions to go ahead with this? After all, we may be planning for the two of you. Perhaps that’s something that we should best leave for the two of you to discuss between yourselves, in private."

After a long pause, Louise stood up, came over to me and touched my arm. She looked carefully into my eyes and said: "Listen to me carefully, Tony. I love you very much. I want us to be happy together. I think this program won’t change that one bit, as long as we’re together. It may even bring us closer than you might imagine. If you become girlish for science, well, I’m wiling to help. I’d even become a boy for you if you want me to.

I love you so much, Tony, that I’d be wiling to stay a girl if that would make you happier, and you can go back to being all boy once the study is over. Either way, there’s no one I’d rather be with for the rest of my life. Your consideration of this program makes me feel like I’ve chosen the greatest, most selfless guy in the whole world to be my main man, Tony. Can I say anything more to indicate how proud of you that I am? Is there a better way I can help you to decide? I think you’re marvelous, sweetheart!"

I couldn’t believe my ears. My long-held fear of not being perfectly macho for Louise disappeared. What I thought to be my worst weakness became the very thing she felt made me so special. I rose, hugged her tightly and asked aloud if we could speak to one another alone for a while.

Once excused by our parents, we left them discussing the potential of our career options while we went to my room so I could be alone with Louise.

I told her that I’d really like to enroll in pre-med, too, and not because she was doing it, but because I learned so much about the kind of people that work in the medical field from working in the job she found for me, that I felt sure a career in medicine would suit me best; maybe not as a doctor, but in a related field. I wasn’t sure of which branch to pursue yet, but that by being in school together, she could help me to decide.

I asked her to kiss me. She did, long and hard. We held each other in our arms and I wanted our embrace to last until I had to return to work.

WORK! I was due to start at 1100 PM! It was almost eleven. I’d be late again if I didn’t leave that instant. I ran downstairs to ask dad if he’d give me a lift, and asked mom to call the shift manager to say I was on my way.

A minute later mom said not to rush or worry. A Ms. Regan told her to tell me to take my time. Someone named "Mike" was studying late and was willing to take over my shift again for as long as I would need. "She said to tell you things were quiet, so relax." She held out the phone to me while I was putting on my jacket. "Here, Tony, she’d like to speak with you."

"Hello,,, this is Tony Court."

"Tony," Ms. Regan teasingly purred. I have some good news, unless you’d rather wait. I can tell you about it when you get here, if you prefer."

"No! No!" I shouted. "Please tell me now, ma’am!"

Dr. Sims wants you in her office, first thing in the morning. Seems you’ve been accepted into pre-med and ‘Program T’. Are you pleased?"

"YYYEEESSS!"

"Well, you can tell your parents about it, if you’d like, and Tony--- Take your time. I called on Mike to take your shift for you, because I knew you were at home with your folks. I thought you’d want to pass on the news.

Dr. Sims wants you to be on your toes tomorrow, so be sure you get here in time to get some shut-eye. Oh, by the way, congratulations."

"Thank you, Ms. Regan. Thank you very much. I’ll get there as soon as I tell them the news. Good-bye, and thanks again!"

"Whoopee! I’ve been accepted!" Mom, Louise, and her mom all kissed me. The men both took turns pumping my hand vigorously and slapping me across the back, congratulating me. They were more elated than I was, and I was as happy as a kid in a candy store with a pocket full of change.

Louise dragged me by the arm upstairs to my room for another blissfully long kiss. I looked into her eyes when our lips parted and asked her if she could take one more big surprise. I wanted this night to be perfect and complete. It would be if she gave the right answer. I had to know.

"Louise, I know why I truly love you more than anyone or any thing else in the whole wide world. I love you because of the way you make me feel whenever I’m near you. I love you because you always think of me first, even when you have grand news of your own to share. I love you more than life itself. No one can ever make me feel the way you do. I hope you feel the same way about me. It’s wonderful, and geez---

Earlier tonight, when you told everyone that we’d be happy, so long as we could be together, you made me the happiest person alive. I want us to stay together for as long as we live." I got down on one knee. "I want you to be my wife, if you’ll have me. Will you marry me?"

"Oh, Tony. So much is happening, so fast! I do love you, and I’d be happy to be your wife, no matter what happens in school or even in the research program. We’ll see how things change in that regard and figure out what’s best. I’ve always wanted to be your spouse and take care of you. You are the only one for me, Tony. You always were, and always will be. I can’t tell you how thrilled I am that you asked. I accept."

"Let’s go down and tell our folks that we’ve decided to be engaged, now. We’ll go shopping for a ring right away, and we can start planning the rest. And, oh, I love you so much, Louise! You’ve made me the happiest man---uh, ‘person’ on earth." We giggled like school kids about that.

"Uh, Tony? We can go down and tell our folks, if you’d like, but so much is happening so fast, I think we should wait for a while before we make any plans about the nuptials. I was hoping we could wait until we finish pre-med before settling down. We can keep it a ‘family’ secret, as it’ll probably make them very happy, but let’s hold off on shopping for a ring until later."

"But, why?"

"Please, Tony? I’ve told you a thousand times how I feel about getting too serious, too soon. I still think it’s too soon for us to get ‘physical’, if you know what I mean. We’ve got to consider how difficult it will be for us to concentrate on school and work if we get too personal, too soon."

I looked down at her heaving chest. I could sense that she wanted more, but was afraid we’d both get too excited to stop. I wanted to lay her down on my bed and start getting very serious, right now! Her hot, pulsing flesh was sending signals to me right through her clothes, and I reached out to touch her left breast. Although I feared moving too fast, I simply had to try to advance our relationship. She was with me, and her body was alive with passion. Her guard was down. I might not get another chance.

She inhaled deeply at my careful, and sensual touch, so I covered her fiery breast with my palm, and I began to slowly and softly move my hand in a circle over her tender orb. I could feel the nipple getting hard under my sensitive palm. It was as hard as something else that I had and she couldn’t see.

While sighing sweet mewing sounds, she snuggled in closer, but turned around and leaned back against my shoulder. "Oh, Tony. I want this, so much, but we can’t go any further, yet. I’m not ready." She slowly and reluctantly lifted my hand from her bosom, and moved it away, holding on to both my hands to keep me from continuing.

"Not yet," she pleaded. "What would it look like if we get serious and then went downstairs? We have to stop now. I don’t think we could hide what we’d been doing if we stay longer. I don’t have my make up with me to repair the damage. We’ve got too much ahead of us. Please, let’s stop for now, while we can still think clearly."

We seperated. With her back to me, she carefully straightened out her sweater, and looked over her shoulder. Tilting her head, with a devilish little smile on those full, luscious lips of hers, she inquired: "Tony, darling, you like to touch my breasts like that. Don’t you?"

"Yeah, I sure do, Louise. I really like to touch you there."

"Do you want to do it simply because you know it excites me, or does it excite you too?"

"Both, I guess. It’s like--- How should I say it? They’re always up front on a girl. A guy can’t avoid noticing. There they are, sticking out, beckoning me, no, begging me to reach out and touch them. It’s hard for a guy not to think about them all the time. They’re so--- desirable. It’s hard to—well, I’m hard too, when I touch them. Makes me want to do more. Just thinking about them makes me want to do more."

"Guys don’t understand girls, Tony. We know we can’t hide them like guys can hide reactions a certain someone they care about causes. When you touch them, the centers get hard, too, and I get a woozy feeling way down deep inside of me, down in the pit of my stomach. It makes my body just ooze with sexuality. It excites me too much for me to handle when you touch me like that, like you did just now. I guess girls are luckier than guys are. We girls can touch ourselves, anywhere, anytime, without being too obvious and no one would notice as we get some very horny sensations going on inside. Guys have to run off someplace to excite themselves. I hear that it goes real quick for a guy, Tony. Once it’s over, he doesn’t even want to feel excited anymore. Is it true, Tony? If it is, that’s a shame. Why do boys want to stop suddenly after having the wonderful feelings sex can provide? That can’t be too much fun."

Louise turned, put her arms around my waist, interlaced her fingers behind me, and cuddled up to me. She looked beyond, as if she was searching in space as she continued. I closed my eyes and savored the delicate sound of her low, sultry voice.

"Girls sure are luckier. We can build up a tension, hold it for as long as we’d like, slow down, and then rebuild it to a fever pitch, over and over. It’s wonderful, Tony. Don’t you wish you could somehow know what it’s like?"

"Gee, Louise. I dunno. I suppose it would be interesting to know how girls feel when a guy is being affectionate." What was I saying? I didn’t want to know how a girl feels when a guy touches her!!! --- Or do I? --- That could be why I took up crossdressing, to see what it’s like to feel what girls feel when they wear sexy undies and all. What I experienced was great!

 

"I hope you can start in that program right away, Tony; so you can find out how we girls have so much more fun than boys do.

I’ll help! If they pair us up in the program, we can go further than we have been going without fear of going too far. They’ll guide us. Yet, I don’t think they’re interested in studying unmarried couples. That’s been done.

I’ll bet they want to see how a guy reacts to the stress of being courted, like girls are, by guys, and test ways to influence the guy’s reactions by using hormones and derivatives they develop. You can tell me all about what they use and how you feel once the changes begin. Won’t that be exciting?" She took her arm from around my back and touched my right arm above the elbow.

"Listen carefully, Tony. I think the way to test for stress modification in you may be sex related. They must want to use sexual attraction to stimulate responses within you that they can measure. If they do, I want you to allow that to happen, don’t fight it because you want to save all your love for me. I’ll know that you love me by your courage to see this through and help to discover scientific advances.

I’d like for you to cooperate with the techniques they use, no matter how weird or bizarre they may seem. It will please me to know you agree to try to be attractive to the other volunteers they assign to you, even if they are guys. Then, I won’t have to be jealous, because I’ll know the attraction will be induced. I’ll know you really love me, deep in your heart, and want to please me. The feelings and desires that you develop will be there merely because of the program. You’ll know that I know you’ll be doing these things because you love me, want to continue to study with me, and take advantage of the scholarships to be near me and share our educational development together. Do you understand, Tony? Will you do it for me?"

"Sure, Louise. For you, I’d do anything you ask, but I want to make love to you and only to you, honey. Anything else will only be for research."

"Remember that your doing your part when you are conducting the tests will make me happy. Make believe that you represent me whenever you have to encounter guys in the program and are expected to respond with them sexually. You’ll participate with guys so that I won’t have to, and I’ll save myself for you alone. You’ll perform the sexy parts for me. Can you do that fro me, Tony?"

"Aw, Louise, I can’t imagine being you. I could never be like you. You’re too --- too --- the only way I can describe it is that I think you’re perfect! No matter how hard they try, they can never make me anywhere near as nice as you are. You’re too wonderful."

"Think of it as a journey, Tony, a journey into womanhood. The idea alone has me all excited. Imagine that you are still growing up and becoming a woman. Think of it. You can begin to feel sensations as I do. Maybe you can have the long, slow, deep, sexual thrills like I have; the kind that last and last, and are far nicer than men can understand.

That’ll make me happy, too, because you’ll know what it’s like for a girl. You will be a perfect lover for me, because you’ll know what pleases me. You’ll learn by participating and experiencing them, having them for me.

Meanwhile, I’ll get excited each time you proceed to the next step of the program. You’ll know I’ll be sharing each and every one of them through you and with you. That’s the kind of physical love I need from you right now, Tony; a love with mutual understanding. Meanwhile, I want you to be patient and wait until the program is completed before asking me to have sex, so you’ll be able to love me fully, knowing how both sides feel.

After we graduate and the time comes for us marry and start a family, I’d like to know that you’ll understand what it is like to be a girl and what it means to give yourself over to a man, to be his completely. Then, when we first make love, we’ll proceed slowly, so our passions will blossom in perfect harmony with each other. I want our unions to be perfect. To be able to do that, we have to be patient.

 

"Oh, alright. I respect your judgment. I’ll be as patient as you want me to be. I don’t feel I can rely on my judgment. I get too excited and start to mess things up when I’m under stress. I love you and want you too much. It will be wiser to rely on your common sense. Oh, hell, Louise! Let me touch them just once more!" I gently placed my thumb and index finger over her right nipple. "I can’t help it, Louise. We’ve waited so long. Let me give you those long, wonderful thrills you talked about. I don’t care about getting me excited. Just let me excite you."

"Oh, Tony! Please! Oh, that feels so good. --- Guys have no idea what they’re missing. Girls have so many ways to enjoy being touched! Oh, Tony! We have to --- to stop! ---Please! Oh, Tony, don’t. I can’t resist!"

As my fingers encircled her nipples, I could feel them growing harder. My own appendage grew in consort, as well. I didn’t want to stop. We’d never gotten this far before. I pressed my hard flesh into the folds in the front of her skirt, and she responded by pushing back up against it. I could tell that she wanted me as much as I wanted her.

She pulled my hands down hard, and fitted them around her diminutive waist with her hands and insisted I keep them there. She then slung her arms over my neck and kissed me hard, breathing heavily. I let my lips separate slightly, and stuck my tongue out gently, hoping she would respond. Her lips parted, and slowly, forcefully drew my tongue between her lips. We kissed the time away, swaying slowly with both of us sensing my firm hardness pressing against the juncture of her thighs.

"I love you, Tony, with all my heart, and I always will."

"I love you, too, Louise. Be mine forever?"

"I will, but if we don’t get downstairs, and right now, our parents will throw a fit! I’ll be yours soon enough. We have to learn to control ourselves. We must put college and our careers ahead of our emotions."

"Okay, Louise! Let’s go spill the beans to the folks!"

Like two little kids, we bounded down the stairs with Louise in the lead, chanting. "We’re engaged! We’re engaged! Tony just proposed to me! "

The four of them sat with their mouths agape. We could have bowled them over with a feather.

"Oh, my! You’ve startled us! What in the world brought this on! You kids are moving way too fast for us older people! What’s the idea of scaring us by running?" her mother exclaimed.

"Yes! Couldn’t you two wait? You’re being far too impetuous! How much do you think we can handle in one day?" Asked my mom.

One crisis at a time!" Yelled dad.

They all tried to look upset, and almost had us fooled. They all burst out laughing. Dad explained that while we were upstairs, exchanging vows of love for one another, they we’re wagering on the likelihood, without any opposition. Their only undecided question was when. Her father won. He smugly said he felt I was on the verge of popping the question all evening.

After more chiding and questions about chances of our class schedules coinciding, and the expected date for the research to begin, the effect of the lateness of the evening began to show in us all. After a few contagious yawns, Louise’s dad announced it was time for their departure. After a final round of congratulations and kisses, with the women crying for joy, they left, mom went to bed in tears, and dad drove me to the hospital.

Along the way, I peered out of the window into the gloomy night and marveled at the difference between our attitudes on this trip in comparison to the last one. Dad was beaming with pride, talking a mile a minute about his fondest dreams coming true, all at the same time. I was getting closer to selecting a career path, was accepted into college, with the possibility of being granted a scholarship to fund my education, due to my acceptance into a high-tech research program with a potential to advance science. It was quite a change in such a short period of time.

I was pleased with the outcome, so far. I looked to the immediate future with a great deal of excitement, and a gnawing concern that something, anything could pop up out of nowhere to entirely upset our plans.

What Louise said about me, and my doing, accepting what was expected of me in the research program, no matter what it was, swam around inside of my head. She wanted me to experience the sensations of being a girl. If she only knew how many times I tried to think like one while I was bringing myself to sexual relief, in drag, alone in my room. Now, it seemed, her wishes and mine were about to become reality. I sensed a sudden rush of blood as it flowed toward my groin. I tried to think of something else.

As we pulled up in front of the employees’ entrance of the hospital, dad leaned over, shook my hand, bringing me out of my reverie. Well, Tony! Congratulations, again, and the best of luck to you in this effort! I want you to know that I’m very, very proud of you!"

"Thanks, dad. I hope you’ll be just as proud of me the next time you see me, that is, if you recognize me. I’m eager to get started. Hope you’ll like the ‘new’ me, as well."

"My guess is that it will be better than what the ‘old’ you was becoming. You were starting to worry us, son. You rebelled, and we couldn’t stop you. I’m glad you had the good sense of seeking help from professionals at the hospital here. Now, you’ve a chance to achieve a great potential. You certainly weren’t headed in this direction before you came here. I’m very grateful to Dr. Evers and his team for inspiring you. They’ll guide you to a better future, I’m sure.

Let us know when you’ll be able to spend an evening with us again. Make it soon, if you can. Mom said she’s anxious to take you out shopping for some new clothes. Women! I guess you’ll be finding out what that’s like!

Good night, uh, ah, son.---"

"Good night, dad. See you soon." I could see it in his eyes. He was proud and yet, afraid to let go. It was as if he was losing something he’d never be able to replace; something he expected but had no control over.

As I walked into the building, I mused over the complacency I encountered at home when I announced I was volunteering for a program that would alter my appearance and attitudes to those of a girl. Instead of their being shocked, they all responded positively, as if they had expected it. Why?

 

 

 

Chapter Two. Initiation.

 

Walking up to the control desk, I smiled broadly at Ms. Regan whose head was lowered. She appeared to be engrossed in her work. The soft sound of my quick pace was easily detectible in the silence of the hall, otherwise unoccupied at this late hour. Not to change the pleasant aura of serenity, I whispered to her as I approached her desk. "Hi, Ms. Regan. I sincerely appreciate how you arranged for the sub for me tonight. That was very thoughtful of you. The bit of news you gave me meant a great deal to my parents, our guests, and, of course, to me. Thank you very much."

I went on, telling her about the other reason for this evening’s spirited celebration: Louise’s announcement that she was entering pre-med, too. Ms. Regan set her pencil down. She seemed to be genuinely interested and asked a lot of questions about how my folks reacted to my desire to enter research in a very unusual role, what Louise’s reaction was, and what her mom and dad thought. I sensed other signals from her interest. Could she have some additional purpose for asking, or was she simply trying to be sociable to occupy the doldrums of her sparse workload on a warm summer evening? Being at peace with myself after so much stress and conflict during the past few months, I welcomed the polite pleasantry and candid exchange.

When we fully covered the recent events, I inquired: "Can you give me a clue as to what is to happen next, Ms. Regan? I’m dying of curiosity and don’t know what to expect. My acceptance to participate only took a day. I didn’t expect to get the response so soon. Dr. Sims led me to believe it might have taken weeks."

"Hmm. Let me tell you what else happened that I know about in the last few days, Tony. Research secured approval for expansion and obtained considerable new funding. Due to that, a lot of space around here is being reassigned to new research. While you were taking your comprehensive physical exam today, workmen were busy arranging to move the records and equipment. By the time I arrived for my shift, some of our Cardio staff for the shift was already relocated to the north wing. Cardio patients that weren’t moved already will follow as soon as it’s safely possible, without disrupting their regimens. I learned that I’ve been assigned to Gentech, as a monitor, full time, a change I was hoping for. I got a hefty raise, too.

The hospital is moving the entire Cardio I.C.U. unit over to the new north wing that was built for it over this past year, and they’re moving in ahead of schedule, with additional manpower needed that was provided by the research funding. There’s been a massive flurry of activity.

As soon as Cardio is relocated, this area will become dedicated primarily to the testing facility of the Gentech unit. That’s the fancy new term we’ll use for Program T. They decided to tighten security for the entire project. This older wing was once an isolation unit for communicable diseases and is well suited for security. It won’t take long to reestablish. The powers that be think we’ll work better without too many nosy visitors around who aren’t involved in the research.

Tomorrow, those two elevators will be fitted with key card access controls, and the hallway entrances will also be fitted with key card locks. No one will be able to enter "accidentally" without the proper authorization. For a while, you’ll be accompanied at all times by a research unit staff member, to keep any uninvolved parties present during construction from asking prying questions you won’t be able to answer properly, until you attend a briefing conference. No sense in upsetting you, unnecessarily. Dr. Evers does not want any participants of the research study to experience any spontaneous undue stress outside of the planned program tests.

Some professors over at the university have volunteered to contribute time and expertise to get the new research team up and running quicker. I’ve been told they’re even developing accelerated courses for all the group’s pre-med students. You will be tutored in smaller groups. Essentially, you can expect to finish the pre-med program in two and a half years, instead of four years, if you continue to study throughout the summers. You’re a very lucky fel— person, Tony. Dr. Sims mentioned that grants are pouring in from all over for Gentech. Every leading research team in the country that has any connection whatever with genetics wants to be involved."

"I guess Dr. Evers’ reputation has all the eggheads buzzing, huh? My dad said he went to college with Dr. Evers, and he’s a celebrated leader in the field of genetic research."

"This isn’t the first time that he’s done it, Tony. Oh, but I’d bore you with a history of his reputation and accomplishments. You’d be more interested in knowing that your group consists of seven candidates. You’re the ‘bright penny’ because you’re the only one with a partner in the control group, your girlfriend, Louise Anderson. The others aren’t romantically attached.

Mrs. Donier, from human resources, will supervise the technical research staff managing the test unit here, while I’ll be your dorm prefect over at the housing facility at the university. I’ll take care of your living arrangements, laundry, scheduling, and other amenities. I will be living there with you for the duration of the study. There will be limited access to the dorms to help make your transitions more comfortable and less threatening.

"Let’s see. The hormone medical program is lead by Dr. Korrick, Dr. Sims and Dr. Evers, but he’ll probably be away most of the time, correlating the data obtained with other researchers, and gathering financial support for the long run. Let me think.

Oh, your buddy: Mike, who’s presently zonking out over in the attendants’ quarters, has been selected as your group therapy conditioning coach, as you requested, and Donna Paige will assist you in becoming familiar with the dress code and accoutrements. Did I miss anyone? I can’t think of all the others that will be in direct contact with you that you might have met already, just now. Most of the members of your group you haven’t met yet, anyway. I’ll introduce you to them all when the time comes. You’ll be busy with starting school during the next few weeks.

 

You have to get settled in your classes before the research phase begins. You’re to see Dr. Sims in the morning be oriented to your school schedule, file for the fellowship grants, complete the release documents and cover a lot of legal mumbo-jumbo. Let’s get you off to bed. I’m supposed to see that you follow a healthy diet, establish the proper resting habits and take care of your daily necessities."

As we started walking towards the attendants’ quarters, I got a bit dizzy. It must have been from hearing about the depth and scope of the expanded program. I also wondered why she said I "requested" Mike. I didn’t request him, I merely mentioned that he said--- oh, what difference does it make!

My head was spinning. I put my hand on her shoulder to steady myself.

"What’s wrong, Tony?"

"This research program’s a lot more than I thought it would be, Ms. Regan. I’m not sure I can go through with it. From what you’ve said, there’s a lot more expertise and effort to be expended than I originally thought. My first impression was that it would be to see how they could alter stress patterns through the use of a few shots or pills, not that it would take years for the study to be completed."

"Did I make it sound as if you would be studied for the entire duration of your college education? Gee, I’m sorry, Tony. When describing the extent of expansion, I was referring to the entire long-term program. They plan to repeat the current research objectives several times to establish reliable, predictable results, and modify elements in accordance with the results obtained. Many participants will be studied, using the same criteria. I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression.

The length of your participation may vary, depending on how long you feel you’d like to continue and the merit your contributions will have toward the overall study’s objectives. From your viewpoint, all that you will encounter is the medications, a few individuals assigned to monitor you, and perhaps some of the other subjects who will be participating with you. One thing that you’ll learn is the old medical profession never does things in a small way. Every factor that could affect a study must be carefully evaluated to assure verifiable results. You’ll get used to it, and it isn’t anything you should concern yourself with. It’s merely the way things are done in every research study. Your responsibilities won’t be a big deal, so chill out and you’ll do fine. Your profile statistics predict that you’ll be an ideal subject.

Here we are, Toni. Shall we see if Mike is awake?"

She slowly and quietly opened the door an inch and whispered. "Are you still awake, Mike?"

"Hi, Ms. Regan. Tony’s with you, I see. Come on in. Can’t sleep. The stuff Dr. Evers told me today is on my mind. I’d like to discuss it with Tony, if it’s okay, but I don’t want to cause any more trouble like last time. Hey, Tone! How’s it going?"

"You can talk for all you’re worth, Mike, as long as it’s within the limits Dr. Evers established with you earlier today. Don’t be scaring Tony with any wild ideas of yours, again. This is a serious research study, not some lascivious game for your benefit. Keep to the rules, if you know what’s good for you." She scolded, jokingly. " I’ll let you two alone and get back to figuring out all the room assignments I have to make for the dorm building across the street. Later, boys. Don’t be staying up all night. G’nite!"

"Good night, Ms. Regan" we chimed. "Thanks again for all your help and information" I added.

She stepped out, and her receding footsteps had us assume we could be frank and speak openly. We weren’t aware that the room was "bugged" and she was hurrying back to her station to listen in on us.

"Well, Tony, ol’ buddy. I hear you’re gonna go for it, after all."

"Yeah, Mike. Once I found out more about it, I was drawn to it like a moth to a flame. I know I could get my wings sindged, but I can’t help it. Doing it can get me a free ride through college. It’d be worth it. I’m apprehensive over what they want to do with me, but they assured me it’s safe and reversible. You may be right about one thing, though. My girlfriend thinks they are going to try to use some provocative sexual situations to induce stress. That’s hard for me to believe. Why would they need to do that?

There has to be a thousand other, better ways to get me all worked up into a lather. With my touchy temperament, I sometimes go off for the dumbest reasons. Dr. Sims thought so, too. She called me ‘immature’ for the stupid way I walked out on my folks right after I graduated high school. I felt my folks were pressuring me too hard into going to college for all the wrong reasons. Finding this night job was a lucky break for me. Now I have the chance of going to college without being a burden on my parents.

What do you think, Mike? Still think they’ll use drugs to make me think I’m a girl? Think they’ll induce me to want to be one of those transvestites. I’ve heard about them a few years back. What I’ve seen doesn’t seem to be something they can induce. People like that want to adopt a female role."

"I think they might try, to see if they can, Tony. Dr. Evers spent two hours with me today, lecturing me about how it’s imperative that we keep a lid on what we’ll do in the program. My guess is that they don’t want the whole world to know they’ll use sex for a stimulus. He asked a lot of questions about whether spending my time with a guy who looks like a girl would get me sexually excited. I felt I had to be honest with him about my getting a ‘woodie’ the last time you and I had talked together here in the attendants’ room. He seemed too pleased with hearing about that. He didn’t come out and say as much, but it made me wonder if they’ll use my getting excited over thinking about a guy decked out like a she-male, somehow.

I can’t help it if my thinking about sexy crossdressers gives me a hard-on. Any guy that dresses ultra-trashy like some slut of his own accord does it for only one reason, as far as I’m concerned: to show guys that are willing to ignore a minor deficiency or two for a good time. What’s the harm? Both guys are willing partners in some physical relief, that’s all. It’s no big deal.

I think guys like that wish they were born as girls and want to be treated as girls. I hope my simplistic attitude doesn’t piss you off, Tony. I don’t mean to hurt your feelings pal, but I want to let you know exactly where I stand. You’d better consider what I think they’ll expect of you before you get into this thing too deep. I had to be honest with Evers, too. He’d know if I tried to give him a phony snow job and squash my chance at getting a grant. I told how I think I’ll react. If a guy from the study that’s sexually modified to be randy and I get together, I’ll get a hard-on from being with him and I’ll try to get some sexual relief like I would from any tart. Leastwise I think that’s what I’d do, so don’t be surprised if it’s you they team me up with.

I need that grant money to finance my education. My class load is getting me down. It won’t allow me the time or energy a job requires, other than a cushy one like this. I’m swamped. I hoped I could handle a better paying job, but even a cushy job like this keeps me away from studying enough.

Evers said they’d get tutors to help me if I join up, and I might be able to finish pre-med early. I can’t afford to pass it up, Tony. I’m having a hell of a time keeping up with my classes. If I don’t get that help, I might have to drop out until I can raise enough dough, so I don’t have to work.

I gotta do it. I don’t want you to think I’m taking advantage of you, though. Evers gave me the impression you asked for me to be paired up with you. Is he right? Did you tell him you wanted me for a partner?"

"Not really, Mike. I guess they misunderstood me. I thought I was messing up your being in the program, because of the way I fainted and got you into trouble with Ms. Regan. I told Dr. Sims you that you’d consider being in the program if I volunteered. I thought by telling her that I would to fix your plans up by getting you out of hot water. They assumed I want you to be paired up with me. All I wanted to do was return a favor for your taking my shift. Don’t get me wrong, Mike. I have nothing against you if you like guys in drag. That doesn’t offend me in any way. I wasn’t thinking of what they’d interpret by my telling Dr. Sims you’d volunteer if I did.

Mike, I’ll be honest with you, too. I think I’ll need a good friend to depend on once this thing gets going. You’ve been honest ever since we first met. If I have to make contact with a guy, it might as well be you. I have no idea what will happen after they use drugs on me to encourage feminine traits. Just don’t expect me to be a trollop, okay?

I don’t know what the stuff will do to me. Do you remember what we said last time about whether the drugs might affect my mind as well as my body? Well, I’m kind of curious if it will. Will a ‘Mr. Macho’ like you turn me on after taking the drugs? Who knows? If it happens, I’d rather be with a guy I think I can trust. You’re okay in my books, Mike. I trust you. I don’t think we’ll have to do anything outrageous and I think you’ll respect me. I’m not worried about you trying to get fresh with me, either. What good would my worrying do? I couldn’t do what guys expect a loose girl to do. I’d only look and act like one. I couldn’t perform like one. Could I?

There is one thing that bothers me. What if I turn you completely off while I start looking like girl? Will I react like a girl would and be left with the ‘hots’ for any other studly guy who comes along and not be able to do anything about it? Maybe I’ll become a boy crazy chick with the wrong equipment to do anything. Geez! This is getting weirder by the minute. Here I am, sitting in a bedroom talking with a guy about becoming a bimbo! I can’t believe any of this is happening to me! What did I get myself into?"

"You worry too much. ----Tony?"

"What, Mike?"

"Are you aroused, right now?"

"Uh, yeah, a little, I suppose. But differently than when I’m with my girl. It’s hard to explain. No, that’s a bad choice of words. It’s not hard. That’s just it. I feel excited, but it doesn’t show. I don’t have a particular person or purpose in mind, either. I feel weird sensations inside of me. I guess the idea of looking more feminine alone has me excited. It’s moving too fast.

I can’t understand it. Everyone thinks my volunteering was a great idea. My folks, my girl, even her folks are all for it. It’s way too weird. I would have expected them to think I was nuts for even considering it, but they don’t. My girl, Louise, says I should go along with trying to get excited by being in contact with guys in the program. Hey, talking about it is getting me too crazy. I have no desire to be with a guy whatsoever, ---- or do I? "

"Did what I say about getting sexy get you excited inside, Tony? I mean. Wait a minute! Maybe you shouldn’t answer that. I think the proctors plan to observe everything that happens when you think about things like guys exciting you. We’d better not talk about it yet. What I’d really like to know at the moment is: once you do become like a girl in outward appearance, do you think I would I be the kind of guy you feel could excite you?

For your information, the kind of girl I think you will turn out to be from this research program is the kind of ‘make believe’ girl I think would excite me a lot. Am I making any sense to you?"

"Hey, Mike! Man to man, I think you’re a hunk! If I were really a girl, I’d most likely get the hots for you if you looked my way! I wish I had a nifty body like yours. You must find enough time to work out a lot, to keep in shape. Don’t sell yourself short. No matter how hard I tried, I can’t bulk up, so I quit trying. I never was much of a hunk, I guess, and like you said last time, I’ll be prime meat for this research program because they won’t have to work hard to accomplish the changes they’re hoping for. Who can tell what I’ll feel like inside once they begin making the changes in me?

I’m willing to give this venture into the unknown a chance. Curiously, I’d like to find out what it’s like to be on the other side of the gender fence if only to see if girls really have an easier time handling stress. I’m super rotten at handling stress, so it won’t hurt for me to learn how they do it."

"I’m kinda curious too, Tony. I’m kind of anxious, too. Do you think it would hurt anything if we explore a little into what your true baseline is now, just to see how your attitudes will change right off the bat?"

"Whoa! You mean test to see if we have reactions to one another before they initiate the chemical changes they want to make?"

"Yeah, we could sort of establish a basis for comparison later. Wanna try?

"Do you think we should? What if it messes up the program’s guidelines?"

"Aw, it wouldn’t hurt anything, Tony. They wouldn’t leave us be here alone together if they were concerned about it. Maybe they expect us to become more friendly, to check out if we’re compatible enough as guys to become an effective pair to work together in the program later."

"I dunno, Mike. I don’t feel like getting too deep into this yet. What do you have in mind? Would you want to act as if we’re a guy and girl out on our first date together, to see if we get turned on? I guess we could give it a try, but nothing nasty, pal. You have to be a perfect gentleman. Want to come over here by me, or should I come over to sit closer to you?"

 

"Let me come over to you, Tony, but let’s not sit on the bed. Let’s both of us stand up; I don’t want to upset you. I’m not prepared for anything too drastic either. Let’s just try simple stuff, like maybe holding hands like we’d do on a polite first date. That will give us an idea of what it will be like for the two of us to be together after you start looking different."

"Okay, Mike, but don’t turn on any lights. I’m too nervous."

Mike approached me in the dark, and his initial hand contact made me jumpy. I tried to relax, and it just made me start to giggle. I couldn’t help it. It was silly. All he did was to take my hand in his, and it made me feel very embarrassed. I fought the notion to stop Mike as he ran the fingers of his other hand over the back of mine. It felt no different than the way I thought Louise’s hand would feel in mine. He moved one hand back away.

I tired to think of how Louise reacted to me when I wanted to hold hands. Then, instead, I tried to think of how a girl would react to a guy attempting to hold hands with her, if she wanted him to get amorous. That was better, less resistance. Mike’s holding my hand didn’t make me feel guilty or even self-conscious, as long as it was dark and we couldn’t see each other. We were merely "making believe". I felt good inside, like I was wanted, but I didn’t think I could call it arousal. I told Mike what I thought.

He slipped his free arm around my shoulder, still holding my hand in his other hand. I got that warm, comfortable feeling again. So relaxing. As if by instinct, I knew I could trust Mike. I know we shouldn’t be doing this. It wasn’t right, but it wasn’t his fault. It was me, something in the way I felt inside about him holding me, not his doing it that made me feel protected.

Mike began to trace small circles on my shoulder with his fingers. It gave me Goosebumps. I shivered and squeezed the fingers of his other hand to let him know I was reacting to his sensuous touch. I concentrated on my responding like a girl, passively accepting his cautious moves. I liked it. He made me feel like encouraging him to push on further, somehow. I leaned into his arm, to show him that his embrace wasn’t spooking me any more.

I remembered that Louise always resisted my advances. I wondered how girls convey to guys that they should proceed. This was new and exciting. I wanted Mike to continue, but didn’t know what to say or do in order to let him know how much further I was willing to explore.

I didn’t want Mike to get into any heavy petting, but I didn’t want him to stop, either. He wasn’t turning me on, but he certainly wasn’t turning me off with his tender embrace. I didn’t want to do anything that would make him angry toward me for teasing him by letting him hold my hand, and then cutting him off short. I didn’t want to offend him by making him feel that he wasn’t a desirable escort for any girl, especially a pseudo girl.

His face was close to my ear. He whispered softly to me. "Hmm. You feel small and delicate, Tony, almost frail. In the dark, you seem to be a lot like most girls I’ve dated. If I didn’t know better I’d think you were a girl. It’s no different. You know that? It’s somewhat surprising. I feel as if I’m holding a real girl here in my arms, or at least someone who needs my protection. It sure feels good. How does it feel to you, Tony?"

I whispered back. "Your initial touch to my hand made me skittish, Mike, but once I settled down and tried to accept it, it felt better, kind of warm and cozy. It’s not bad at all, to be held in your arms like this. Our body contact doesn’t seem to be wrong at all, as I thought it might be. I guess being held by anyone is a nice comforting feeling. It’s surprising to me too. Doesn’t matter too much that we’re both guys as long as no one sees us, does it? I don’t find it offensive at all, Mike. It feels nice to be held. You can continue to hold me for a while if you want to. I wasn’t sure of how to let you know that I didn’t mind your holding me. I’m glad that you asked.

I’m still hesitant. Yet, I don’t want you to misunderstand my nervousness as a sign of utter reluctance. I have to perceive your interest in exploring our compatibility as a sign of you being nice. You want to see if we can establish a working relationship. Don’t think your effort isn’t appreciated. I think it’s more appropriate for me to respond by being completely passive and follow your lead in experimenting. I figure that if I respond to you more like I suppose any real girl would respond to being held in your muscular arms, you’ll understand how I must feel and treat me more as if I was a real girl. I have to get used to it, sooner or later, if the study is to succeed.

Besides, your big, strong arm around me makes me feel more confident that my accepting a chance to participate in important research isn’t a big mistake. I feel an unusual tenderness that I didn’t expect toward you, too, Mike. I suppose I owe telling that to you right at the start, so you know. I want to do my best to follow instructions and not be too judgmental about the researchers wanting me to act like a girl. You were willing to volunteer after I admitted that the offer was so appealing to me. You make me feel as if I can depend on you, Mike, once things get under way. I only hope they don’t expect too much of us --- too soon.

I’m also glad I agreed to try this out, Mike. You make me feel that I am wanted. This program is going to take a lot of help from someone like you to carry me over rough spots, accepting all the changes. I want to do it, but I’ll need all the support I can get. If I can depend on you to help me, I think I’ll be able to handle it."

"Tony. I want to, no, I have to be a part of this. If I don’t get that grant and the tutoring, l may have to drop out of pre-med. I can’t cope with the load. At the same time, I feel I can relate to you, just as if you were a real girl. You seem to have an inherent nature that enables me to respond to you as I would to a real girl. Being wanted by you feels good to me, too, even if Dr. Sims got it all wrong. Dr. Evers told me you asked for me specifically by name. When he said that, I felt great. I’ll do my part, too. I want you to know that if it were anyone else, I’d still volunteer because I have to do it. Difference is, with you, I’ll enjoy the assignment. How’s that?"

"Funny, Mike. Don’t get me wrong, but I already told you twice that I didn’t ask for you; but I would now if they asked me. Dr. Sims wanted to cancel your candidacy because of what happened to me a few nights back. She seemed so upset with you, and I didn’t want her to blame you. I had to say something to stick up for you because you had just done me a big favor by taking my shift, when I got here late. I felt it was proper for me to respond to your generous consideration, that’s all. I honestly didn’t insist on pairing up with you. Are you sure they said I asked for you, specifically?"

 

Well, oak, not outright, but Evers made it sound like you were eager for me to get involved in the program with you, so I naturally thought that---"

"Oh, I get it! That’s sweet of you, Mike. Geesh! Did I just say that? See, I am starting to sound like a girl just by letting you hold me. I wish I had insisted on you, Mike. If they ask again, I will insist. I wouldn’t think it was possible, but I’m becoming more comfortable with the way you hold me. Maybe they know more about my willingness to be changed than I might be aware of. I don’t think I’d be willing with some other guy, but with you, I don’t mind. You seem to be--- appropriate. How’s that sound?"

"It’s fine with me, Tony. Testing the waters with you, I don’t feel obligated, like I feel when I’m with a girl. We’re not really being romantic. We’re just checking out if making body contact with another guy would be repulsive.

Want to try anything else, like --- ah, --- kissing me, Tony? In the dark you feel nice enough to kiss, and I have to admit, I always wondered how two guys could get it on. Know what I mean? We should try it to see if it’s any different now, while you’re still not ---you know, ---uh, ---influenced. We could see what the difference will be between now and later. That is, if you don’t mind going further."

"We’d better not, Mike. Let’s just get comfortable with you holding me in your arms, and get used to one another’s presence. I’m not playing hard to get, I just don’t know that much about being kissed by someone. With Louise, I usually have to be the aggressive one, and ----MMMPHHFF!"

His lips interrupted my finishing the explanation of why I was reluctant. We had to stop somewhere, and I wasn’t ready. His move was so sudden, but he was extremely gentle, not forceful. I didn’t feel pressured into relenting. I didn’t have time to be evasive and turn away, and I was glad I didn’t have to make the decision. I wouldn’t have had the nerve. I was curious as he was, and wanted to know how it would feel, but was too chicken to admit I wanted him to kiss me.

His lips felt soft and warm on mine. It felt like any other kiss I experienced with Louise. Wait, no, there was a difference. His beard stubble brushed up against my chin, not bad, merely --- different, unusual. When our lips parted, I didn’t say a word, or make a move.

Our second kiss was longer and more intense. Lord. I was responding to his ardor. He wanted to kiss me! I must have excited him by telling him he was sweet. Maybe this program will work better than they think. I wasn’t a bit turned off. His arms around me were so strong. I had little choice but to melt in his embrace. I liked it! I actually liked being kissed by a man, Mike.

"Mike! Oh, --- Mike!" I instinctively put my arms around his neck and clung to him for dear life. "I didn’t think it would be so nice."

Just then, loud footsteps in the hall announced someone’s approach. A soft knock on the slightly open door urged us to separate and rush back beside our respective beds.

"Aren’t you two sleeping yet?" Asked Ms. Regan.

"We were just sitting here on our beds, discussing what might happen to Tony, Ms. Regan." Replied Mike.

"Neither of us seem to be able to fall asleep with what is going on, and so quickly, too." I added. "Want to join us?"

"Sure, but only for a minute or two. I’m almost finished with making up the room assignments for all the participants in Gentech and was wondering if you two boys would be interested in adjacent rooms. Not all of the rooms are ready for tenancy yet, and won’t be for at least the first few weeks of the fall semester. You’ll have to share an adjoining bath too, though. Any problems with that?"

"If it’s okay with Tony, it’s okay with me, Ms. Regan." Mike grinned at me while he said it.

"Same here, Ms. Regan." I replied and stuck my tongue out at Mike’s silly antic he made in a way that Ms. Regan couldn’t see. He was going to be a problem for me, I could tell by the look of joy on his face. If he was to think I was going to be his personal "lot lizard", he had another think coming.

"Good! I’ll go over the temporary room assignment with you both, after I meet with Dr. Sims in the morning, and she approves my selections. All the modification participants will be lodged in a restricted, secure section of the dorm building, mentors and group therapy associates in another, and control subjects will be billeted in a third area, once the carpenters finish the remodeling. In the meantime, each suite has been split into two separate sleeping quarters for a while."

 

"Suites, you say? We’re going to have suites? Any particular reason for our getting top shelf accommodations?" Mike asked. "Tony, you should see the size of my present dorm room. I have to buy postage stamps one at a time. Ha, ha. I send my clothes to the laundry right after I wear them and only pick them up when I’m about to wear them again."

I wondered if the program could include some personality enhancement seminars for Mike. He may be a hunk, but humor wasn’t one of his strong suits.

"Since you’ll move right after you finish your finals for the summer session, Mike, you’d better start getting your gear ready. As the fall session begins, your current dorm room will be refurbished into a suite, so you have to be out of there. Finals or no finals, be ready to move your things. That means you should both get to sleep now. You’ll have plenty of time to get to know one another after you move.

What did she mean by that remark? Did we telegraph what Mike and I were up to before she came in? Or, was it keen insight on her part?

"That means you, too, Tony. You have a tight schedule tomorrow. Be at Dr. Sims office at 8:00 AM, sharp.

 

 

Chapter Three. School starts.

 

 

When I arrived at Dr. Sims’ office the next morning, I was surprised to see Louise, in the office with Dr. Sims.

"Come in, Tony. Louise and I were discussing the class schedule you two will be sharing. The pace might seem brutal at first, but with the coaching you will get, you both should be able to handle the load without too much difficulty. If you feel yourselves floundering, I’ll want to know immediately, so we can ease the pace or enhance the tutoring.

Louise tells me you two had a lot of common classes in the past and are used to studying together. I’m sorry to say that you two will have to take turns deciding on whose room will be used to study in, because Louise won’t be on the same floor in the dorms with you, Tony. It’s just as well, as we wouldn’t want to provide you two with any tempting opportunities for, ahem, shall we say: ‘personal distractions’.

Ms. Regan has already assigned you a suite of rooms on the third floor, Tony, between Michael Henderson, your assigned conditioning coach, and Donna Paige, who will be your accoutrement coach. When you first start classes, you’ll continue to wear hospital ‘whites’ for a few weeks, until we get you some birthday presents. After that, you’ll be able to wear more casual clothes to class. Donna will assist you in becoming accustomed to wearing them. All the new Gentech candidates will begin learning to adopt a dress code for girls, right away.

Louise will be residing on the second floor with the other group counseling

Coordinators and the control group candidates. As more facilities become available, Mike Henderson will move out of your suite and down to the first floor to afford you more living space. Since modification candidates will have to spend more time in your rooms than the other participants, we don’t want you to feel cramped up, like in a cloister. You can be thankful that Dr. Evers was able to secure the substantial funding necessary for such luxuries. Previous participants weren’t so fortunate."

The balance of the day flew by as quickly as a summer storm. It was over before I knew it. We spent most of the day in the dorm building, becoming familiar with the layout. Some rooms were converted into mini-classrooms, with only ten or twelve students to a class, to segregate us from the other pre-med students not in the accelerated class program. Dr. Sims referred to the first semester as a reassignment adjustment period, wherein, we’d be off by ourselves most of the time, so that any outsiders would be less intrusive on our heavy class schedules.

We were escorted though the entire facility, shown where we could freely go, and where we weren’t allowed to go, unless we were escorted by one of the staff or assigned program monitors. Security was to be adhered to at all times and we were told it would be very strictly enforced. Penalties for violating security would be withdrawal from the program with punitive assessments including the retraction of grants and liability to reimburse the research foundation for expenditures made. Whew! Dr. Sims made it sound like we’d better not get caught horsing around!

Classes were to begin right away, six days a week. No holidays or breaks for between semesters or for the entire summer. Some one-week breaks for field trips were included. At least those would be a welcome relief from what appeared to be a relentless schedule. Still, those field trips would be supervised and the locations pre-ordained. Weekly visits with our families would not commence until after the first two months, and overnight stays at home with our parents were discouraged.

Finally, Dr. Sims left Louise and I alone to find our way around. Louise asked if I was as excited as she was. I had butterflies in my stomach, as we were rapidly approaching the point of not being able to reconsider and back out. I told her how I felt: unsure that I could handle the load. She then turned to me and touched my arm.

"Listen carefully, Tony. Together, we can handle the schedule without any problem, once we accept the fact that we were selected because of our unique talents. They wouldn’t waste the precious, limited resources if they weren’t confident we qualify. We’re involved in a very important research program. We’re very lucky to have been chosen for it, but we don’t want to shirk from a golden opportunity like this one. We’ve been given the inside track on a developing technology. Once it’s finished, we’ll be sought after and can expect to receive excellent compensation for our services for life.

All the best researchers in the field of genetics are involved in Gentech. You have to have as much faith in your abilities as they have. They’re experts that know how to assess whether we’re capable or not, and they’ll help us keep on track in class and in the research aspects.

You heard what Dr. Sims said. If we have any trouble with our class work, we should let her know, and she’ll do whatever is necessary to keep us on top of it. What more could we ask for? Sure, it’ll be a hectic pace, but we have to consider the benefits. We’ll be set for life! Besides, together, the two of us will make a great team. If you love me, you’ll get a hold on your fears and put your best effort into this, by trying to do the best you can, I’ll love you all the more for it in return.

Let’s go back to your room, Tony. I want to check out the sound system I saw there. I wish I had one like it. I have one, but it’s smaller and doesn’t have as many whistles and bells. For instance, mine doesn’t have a video recorder/player hooked up to it. All I have is a small television set and a video player combined, like I have at home. You have a ‘big screen’, with wall outlets for headsets on every wall. Kewl! Maybe we’ll find some video tapes to help us to study."

 

When we got to my room, we found two tapes in the entertainment center. Both had notes attached for me to view each videotape during free time, as often as I desired. I was surprised that they’d go through the expense of providing a big screen television for a freshman student, but the way the program was shaping up, everything seemed to be overdone in the way of expense. Louise suggested they must want us to study in my room more, and saw no need for such an elaborate set-up in both of our rooms.

As we had some free time, we decided to watch one now. It was a filmed documentary on the research done in genetic engineering to date, and an explanation of the potential genetics has for future generations. The big screen had terrific clarity and made the speakers seem almost lifelike. The tape must have been produced on higher quality recording equipment than the tapes we watch at home. We encountered a problem getting the normal sound system speakers to work. Nothing we tried resolved it, so we resorted to using the headphones. Then it occurred to me that they might not want us to project the sound to the other rooms and disturb the other students when they studied class work. They thought of everything.

The video was very interesting. The many medical professionals featured in the video included Dr. Sims, Dr. Korrick, and a few other people on the team that I had met. I kept an eye out for Dr. Evers. I heard a lot about him, but I hadn’t met him yet. I was curious to know what he looked like. He narrated parts of the audio according to the credits, but none of the unknown faces seemed to fit the mental image that I had conjured up in my mind for the mysterious Dr. Evers. Oh, well. The subject matter was so interesting I put aside my quest to identify our glorious leader. No matter. I’d probably meet the man, soon enough.

I’d never seen a professionally prepared production concerning something I was even remotely connected with. That fact alone had me glued to the screen like a toddler on Saturday morning watching cartoons. As the tape progressed, it divulged how various earlier genetic research studies had gleaned important results by comparing data obtained to data from stress management studies. The correlations coincided with objectives that were under current observation, and how expanding the research could reap additional new advances. It dawned on me that this tape was designed to encourage similar research units to pool their efforts with Dr. Evers’ team and participate in his studies. It was a commercial! Impressive, but it was still a lousy commercial!

As I continued viewing the tape, I began to get an impression of the scope of his notoriety and magnitude of Dr. Evers’ reputation. This was the big league, not some local program. He must really be a significant player in his field, as other researchers that were working in conjunction with him represented some recognizably astute institutions throughout the nation, and some from well-known institutes in Europe, as well. I was impressed!

 

The second tape was a letdown. It discussed, in a clinical format, sexual dysfunctions that were resolved or improved through stress management counseling. Many case studies were cited, discussing changes in behavior patterns of subjects obtained with the use of chemical influences. Some case studies depicted violently aggressive men whose behaviors changed dramatically after treatment, so they appeared cured. Each man heralded the efforts of the research team for enabling him to change his behavior successfully and enable them to lead a normal life after being treated.

Then, one of the subjects giving her testimonial was Donna Paige. I knew her! She’s to be my dress code mentor! Her testimony was brief, and the accompanying clinical explanation did not cover her specific problem, but she was very adamant about her "cure" and how pleased she was to have a chance to tell about the "wonderful" new person she had become after she was treated, and how she owed a debt of gratitude to Gentech for a new lease on life. Sure, in exchange for a great job and a wardrobe full of nice clothes, any girl would testify that she owes the world to Dr. Evers.

Then, the tape continued with other case studies concerning deviant acts of all sorts committed by sex offenders who attributed their crimes to being under undue stress that originated when they were young, caused by their parents, or other adults. Sure, they blamed someone else instead of being honest and taking responsibility for their actions. Who wouldn’t? Deviates!

The "sickies" giving lame excuses for their behavior were more repulsive to me than the acts they were reported to have committed. If this research could cure them, it would be a pleasure to be a part of it.

The next segment of the video suggested endorsing the research, either by providing funds necessary to continue the efforts to improve techniques or by participating professionals to render expertise and assistance via the Internet and by attending symposiums to be held in every major city, here and abroad.

Some traditional treatment alternatives were described that were in use in many jurisdictions today. Incarceration of criminals in isolation, or forcible detention in mental wards with no hope for their recovery depicted gory circumstances so gross, that they seemed to be almost as bad as crimes the deviates had committed.

Why all these case studies were included for my viewing was beyond me. They disgusted me. Why did they want me to observe self-mutilations or the people performing sex acts with animals? How disgusting! I suppose the inclusion was for the benefit of contributors or professional volunteers, to get their support. Still, I was glued to the screen. I hoped my being a part of the program would aid some of the unfortunate victims of the vile acts performed by the culprits. That was the one redeeming merit of that particular segment of the tape as far as I was concerned.

The next segment, the conclusion, was more interesting. It explained the purpose of the gross depictions and apologized if the viewer was upset by the nature of the case studies, but the impact and the gravity of the need for further research could not be emphasized enough, according to the voice of Dr. Evers, who delivered the concluding appeal for funds and the cooperation of his peers. His voice had a quality that was hard to ignore. His appeal was direct and full of emotion. He was dedicated to furthering the advances medical science could provide. I could hear his clear voice resounding in my head, as if it was my own. I wanted him to sound like me so that I could share his dedication and drive. I have the chance to make his goals my own, and I will do my very best to do it, no matter the cost.

When the tape was over, I realized that Louise had left my room and I was alone. Just as well, no need for her to sit through that ghastly portrayal of gruesome crimes. Not all of it was criminal, some cases were about ways people lash out at others for no reason, and do goofy things instead of what common sense would dictate, not unlike my own immature behavior, back in June. Those scenes showed parts of the research that were more likely to be investigated by our team.

But the scenes depicted that made the most impact on me, and stood out in my mind after seeing the video were the heinous crimes. If any research we did could prevent things like that from happening, all the better!

Soon, Dr. Korrick stopped by to announce it was time to have dinner in the university cafeteria. Starting today, all of our meals would be provided by the research program to avoid side effects in the medications we would be taking and to assure we’d comply with the dietary regimen prescribed.

The following two weeks literally flew by.

 

To be continued.

 

 

© 1996
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