Andersonville 8 - The return of Tom McClain!            by: Kelly Davidson

 

"Would you like some desert Linda?" Dennis Butz asked politely.

"No thanks," I answered suspiciously. The man had been acting way too nice to me today.

It had been a pleasant lunch so far. Dennis had started out by asking how my brother was doing, and I could see that he was genuinely concerned about Steve. It had been almost three weeks since my brother’s return and his mood hadn’t changed much since his first day back. The death of Sally was eating away at him slowly and I was concerned. Dr. Green was seeing him twice a week, and the visit’s seemed to help for a day or so; but then he would return back to his sad, sorrowful mood. Even Thanksgiving hadn’t gotten him out of his depression.

Dennis threw out some suggestions to help out – even offering to have someone take Steve on a train trip outside of Andersonville. But for the most part he didn’t have a clue as to how to get Steve out of this rut he was in.

Next we started going over some of the cases I had emailed him earlier in the month. Again, Dennis was rather nice and polite, avoiding his usual jabs meant to raise my dander. Instead, the conversation was businesslike and straightforward. I found myself letting my guard down – a dangerous thing to do with someone like Dennis Butz around.

"Well, this has been a very pleasant meal, don’t you agree?" he said smiling.

"Yes, almost too pleasant," I answered in a suspicious tone. "So what gives Dennis?" My question caused the director to chuckle slightly.

"Can’t I take you out for a nice meal without a reason? You’re too suspicious Linda, you really need to relax a little."

"With you in the same room – I don’t think so," I said, giving him a false smile. "Have you ever heard the expression, beware of Greeks bearing gifts?" Dennis laughed but not for the reasons I suspected.

"Okay, there are two things I need to tell you," he said.

"I thought so." I leaned forward and looked directly at him.

"First, I’m going on vacation starting tomorrow, so you won’t be able to get a hold of me for a while.

"Where to?" I asked with some interest.

"Hawaii. My wife and I will be enjoying the sun and surf for an entire week. The last time I had a week off was almost four years ago and I spent half of it on the phone taking care of business. But this time I’m not taking my phone – it’s just me, my wife, and the romance of a tropical island." He smiled deeply.

"Four years. You must have a wife who loves you deeply."

"Very much so Linda. I’m a lucky man to have someone so lovely who puts up with my long hours. I owe her this vacation and I’m not going to let anything get in the way of our enjoyment."

"Well, that was painless enough. What’s the other item?"

"Oh, that’s the best part," Dennis replied smiling. "It’s a surprise for you."

"Oh-oh," I responded. "Is this a surprise I’m going to like or one I’m going to be cussing you out for when I hear it." Dennis got a dumbfounded look on his face.

"Linda – I’m hurt. When have I ever given you a bad surprise before?"

"How about this body!" I answered. "Finding out I was going to be Linda Anderson for the rest of my life wasn’t what I would consider a good ‘surprise’."

"Come now – you have to admit I made sure you were attractive."

"Actually, I think the Anderson’s had more to do with how I look then you did Dennis. But putting that aside, what is the surprise?"

"You remember your friend Kevin Brown?" I nodded my head slowly. "He’s agreed to take a job on the Andersonville Police force." I smiled brightly – this was a good surprise.

"When does he get here?" I asked.

"When I get back," Dennis said with some excitement. "He called this morning to tell me he put in his two-weeks notice. I’m going to fly him and his family up on his day off to look over the place and find him a new home."

"Does he know about me – I mean who I am now?"

"No, not yet. I’ll break the news when you’re there. I think it’ll be easier that way. So, what do you think of my surprise?"

"Dennis, you may be a pain in the ass sometimes but you really do know how to make a girl happy every now and then."

We picked up our glasses and I made a toast out loud. "To my friend Kevin Brown – and my sincere, but most likely, short-lived respect to you as a warm human being Dennis."

Dennis just laughed as we clinked our glasses together and drank to my toast.

**********************************

The next morning I rolled out of bed with my eyes half-open. Damn, it was tough being a woman. I had to get up an hour earlier than I use to as a man just to get ready. And the worst part was, I wasn’t a morning person.

I stepped into the shower and ten minutes later felt a little bit more human. I walked back into my bedroom and turned on the TV to watch the news like I did every morning. Even though I wasn’t allowed to be a part of the outside world I still wanted to know what was going on. I was drying my hair when I heard the TV announcer say something about a cop shooting over the blower. I switched it off and focused on the TV screen. There was the state of Utah displayed next to the announcer with Salt Lake City hi-lighted.

"The shooting occurred around 10 o’clock last night. Utah Trooper Kevin Brown arrived on the scene just as the robber was exiting the store. The suspect fired two shoots, one of them striking Officer Brown in the shoulder and the other in his head." A picture of Kevin’s face suddenly appeared on the TV screen. He was wearing his police uniform and had a big Texas smile on his face.

"Officer Brown died early this morning. He leaves behind a wife and a young son. The suspect is still on at large. If you have any info–"

"NOOOOO!" I fell to the floor crying and screaming hysterically. "Oh God, not Kevin – please. Not him!" My mother rushed into the room and wrapped her arms around me.

"Linda – shhhh. What’s wrong honey?" What’s wrong? Calm down and tell me what’s wrong."

She cradled and tried her best to comfort me but it was useless. All I could remember was Kevin’s picture on the TV screen – his pure white teeth shining out at me. In less then two weeks he would have been here – safe and sound. Now he was lying in some morgue. I wanted to kill the bastard who took his life and I swore on my friend’s blood that I wouldn’t stop until I found him.

Fade out….

*****************************************************

Voice of Dennis Butz – Thousands of years ago there was a war in the heavens, between the gods of old and the new arrivals. During the process the earth was almost destroyed by fire and floods as our war ran uncheck. Finally, after centuries of conflict, an uneasy peace was achieved between our two people. Both sides recognized they needed the other, but neither side was willing to trust the other. However, as man grew in power and knowledge he challenged the god's themselves. To maintain the balance and keep the peace, a buffer zone was needed.

It’s a small town -- just like thousands of others spread across the land. Quiet streets, family-run businesses, and Saturday afternoon picnics. But this town is different. It’s a place for lost souls, for misguided individuals, and for those who are in need of a second chance. It’s also the last, best chance I have of freeing my people from their captor’s. The name of project is restoration; the name of the town is Andersonville!

*********************************************************

Andersonville 8 – The return of Tom McClain! (Part 1)

Written by Kelly Davidson

Edited by Nelson T.

This story dedicated to my good friend Darkside, who inspired me to reach beyond what I thought I was capable of writing.

Fade in …

I walked toward my office with a purpose. I didn’t bother with niceties this morning and the people I passed stepped out of my way – sensing it was safer to do so. As I entered my office Judge Herns was already standing at her camber door waiting for me. She had a sad, concern expression on her face.

"Come into my office Linda," she said softly. I walked pass by her without even saying a word and took a seat. The Judge closed the door and sat down next to me. Her eyes showed great signs of distress for how I was feeling. I almost felt like going over and crying in her arms but fought the desire. I wasn’t going to let my girlish emotions get the best of me this time.

"I heard this morning," she started out in a low, worried tone. "I know how close you were to Officer Brown and how upset you must be." She placed her hand on my shoulder to comfort me.

"I have to go," I told her point-blank without leaving any room for discussion. "His killer is out there and I need to find him. I owe my friend that much."

Judge Herns shook her head slowly. "That’s out of the question Linda. First of all you’re needed here. Second, no one’s going to take an 18-year old woman seriously. And third, it’s way too dangerous to have you traipsing around the country on your own."

 

"You don’t understand Judge Herns, I’m going with or without your permission."

A look of anger flashed in her eyes but I ignored it. At this point I didn’t care if she was pissed at me or not.

"You know you can’t escape Linda." Her voice was even-tempered with just a chill in the tone – enough to make a sane person think twice about what she was saying. But I was beyond that point – I was enraged. I didn’t care what the cost was; all I could think about was avenging my friend’s death.

"Think about it my child," she continued in her slow, even tone. "You wouldn’t get a mile out of town before you were caught. Then I would be forced to punish you – and for what? A brief moment of anger? A thirst for revenge? It’s not worth Linda. Let it go."

Tears began to form in my eyes but I fought them back. Maybe it would’ve been better if I hadn’t. Maybe it would’ve brought back some sanity to my thinking. But I wasn’t going to cry – not anymore. I was done crying for Kevin. I wanted action!

"I can’t let it go June – I can’t. Kevin was like a brother to me. He was the best man at my wedding. I loved him."

"I think you should see Dr. Green," she said softly. "You’re upset and not thinking about this clearly. Come on, I’ll walk you up to her office. She’s already heard the news and is expecting you." The Judge touched my hand but I pulled it away.

"I don’t want to see the DAMN DOCTOR Judge! I want you to have your ex-husband turn me back into Tom McClain and let me go after my friends killer." Judge Herns gave me a patient but angry frown.

"It’s not going to happen Linda," she said in a slightly raised voice. "It’s not so get over it. Even if I asked my ex-husband to turn you back he wouldn’t – and I have no intentions of doing so. Your friend’s death was a tragedy but you can’t let it ruin your life. Now come with me, I’m taking you to see Dr. Green."

"At least let me go to his funeral," I almost begged. She looked at me sharply then shook her head.

"I don’t think that’s a good idea either. An 18-year-old white girl all alone at policeman’s funeral – you would stand out like a sore thumb. People would ask questions, maybe even spread rumors about the two of you having an affair. And the last thing the poor wife of this police officer needs is rumors like that. In a few weeks, when things calm down, I’ll take you to his grave site myself so you can say your peace."

"NO!" I yelled back in anger. "That’s not good enough! I have to be there – I have to! And you won’t stop me you Bitch!"

"That’s enough!" the Judge hissed loudly. I found myself unable to speak anymore. "While I understand your emotional state, I won’t have you being rude and nasty to those around you. You may not like my decision Linda but you will obey it or else I’ll ‘break you’! One day you’ll see I did this for your own good Linda – not because I wanted you to suffer. Do you think I didn’t understand your thirst for revenge? Revenge is something; unfortunately, I understand all to well! Now come with me, I’m taking you to see Dr. Green."

I felt an invisible hand grab my body and pull me up out of my chair. I was forced to follow the Judge out the door and down the hallway but suddenly found myself able to speak again.

"Judge Herns, please release me. I promise I’ll walk there on my own."

"You had your chance Linda," she replied in a testy voice without turning to look back. "Now you’ll do things my way!"

She pulled me all the way into Dr. Green’s office and sat me in a chair. Carol looked at the Judge and then at me with great concern.

"Doctor, as you can see Linda is a little upset about the death of her friend. I suggest you activate your security just in case she tries to leave or attack you."

"Yes Your Honor," she replied. I saw a big, muscular man appear in front of the doorway. He had an evil scowl on his face.

"I’m giving Linda the rest of the day off to grieve," the Judge explained. "Please make sure you have someone drive her home – she’s in no condition to drive herself."

"I’ll take care of it Your Honor. Is there anything else?"

"I don’t think so." I felt the invisible force let go of me. Judge Herns gave me a sad stare then left the room in silence – walking right through the man who was standing in front of the door. Dr. Green went over and closed the door then turned to face me.

"Want to tell me about?" she asked calmly.

"What’s there to say?" I replied turning to see another muscular man standing right behind me. "I want out of this damn place. I have to find my friends killer."

"The man could be anywhere Tom and they have the entire police force looking for him. By the time you got to Salt Lake City he’ll most likely be caught." Her voice was low and reassuring.

"Dr. Green, I have to try! You have to tell the Judge that I need to try!"

"I’m afraid," she replied, "that I can’t tell Judge Herns anything. She makes up her own mind in cases like this. My asking her to honor your request would be like talking to the wall; she’ll never listen to what I had say. Besides, I don’t think it’s a good idea anyway."

"Damn it, you have to let me go," I answered in a frustrated tone. The guy behind me, a temp, was giving me the evil eye. "Look, can you at least get rid of these guys, they give me the creeps."

"You promise to be good?" asked Dr. Green.

"I promise."

She whispered a word and they both disappeared.

"Look doctor, I didn’t have a family like most people. So I adopted people along the way, those that were special to me. One of them was Kevin Brown. I went through the police academy with him and we were roommates for a while. Kevin was as much like a brother to me as Al was. But Judge Herns doesn’t understand that. Hell, she won’t even let me go to his funeral."

"Tom," Dr Green tried to explain, "understand her point. You’re Linda Anderson now. Only in this room can you still refer to yourself as Tom McClain and it’s with great hope that one day even that’ll change. Kevin Brown was Tom’s friend, not Linda’s. The Judge knows why he means so much to you but, and this is the key here, you have to let go of your old life. Imagine how it is for some of the other residents who come here. Some have to let go of their mothers, fathers, brothers, and sisters. Some of them even have their own children they have to forget. It’s not an easy thing to do but they’re expected to do it anyway. They’re expected to let go of their old life and start over. Judge Herns expects the same out of you – with no exceptions or special treatment. But the truth of the matter is, she’s been more patient with your lack of progress then many of the other residents here. She likes you Tom, and she wants you to be happy in your new life. That’s why she’s given you time to grow instead of pushing several issues on you."

"But I didn’t want this new life," I argued.

"We been through this before Tom," Dr. Green explained in a levelheaded tone. "While you may have felt Dennis Butz mislead you – you did sign a contract with him. And you didn’t sign it because of what he didn’t tell you – it was because of what he promised you. You came here because you wanted a better life for Al Parker and the Anderson’s. It was an unselfish act – but even unselfish acts have a price sometimes. You signed on to save your friends from a life of misery but you also agreed to a new life of his choosing. Frankly, you got a better deal then most."

"So I should be grateful, is that what your telling me doctor? That before I arrived here in Andersonville I was a kind and wonderful person but now I’m just a selfish brat?"

"What I’m saying," Carol answered calmly, "is that you should count your blessing by being here. Your current actions threaten all the work you have accomplished so far. Do you really want to be turned into a 13-year old Tom? Because that’s what will happen if the Judge thinks you’re not adjusting to your current life. Better yet, how about being turned into a newborn baby. You can spend the next couple of years wearing diapers and literally crying about how much you lost. Don’t throw it away on a single act of anger Tom, it’s not worth it!"

"I – I want to go home now." The doctor looked at me carefully.

"I’m not sure we’re done here," she stated.

"We are doctor. You gave me a lot to think about today. You’re right, I do need to count my blessings and I’m going to start by going home and hugging my brother. Then I’m going to make a list of everything I like about being here. And then – and then I’m going to say a prayer for Kevin and remember the good times I once had with him. I’m going to put this all behind me." I flashed her a quick smile.

"I’d like to see that list if you don’t mind," she said smoothly but with a tad of reservation in her voice. "I want you to see me tomorrow morning at 7:30 so we can go over it." The doctor stood up and gave me a hug.

"I’m really sorry to hear about your friend Tom, I know this is hard to deal with."

"It’s Linda," I said, faking a few tears for good measure to throw her off my trail. "It’s one of the cost in exchange for all the good that has happened in my life. And it’s not so bad when I think about it. Being Linda Anderson isn’t the worst thing that could’ve happened to me."

"No, it’s not," she whispered while brushing my long, brown hair away from my face in a comforting fashion. "Being a woman can be very rewarding, but being happy and making the best of your situation has it’s own reward. Think about that Linda."

"I will," I said giving her a weak smile. "I’m going to miss my friend but you’re right – I’m fooling myself by thinking I can find his murderer when the entire police force hasn’t done so yet. I know one day he will be caught and then justice will be served."

"You’re being a very wise, young lady," Carol agreed. "Now, let me see who I can get to drive you home. Sorry Linda, but that was the Judge’s orders and I have to obey them."

"I understand. I was here when she said so and I’m not going to argue with you about it. It’s one of the things I’m going to work on – accepting things as they are. But do you think you can get Dave Williams to drive me home?"

"He’s your favorite, isn’t he?" Dr. Green smiled while picking up the phone "I’ll see what I can do."

She talked for about a minute and then placed the phone back on its holder. "Dave’s waiting for you by the side door. Why don’t I walk you down."

"Thank you Carol. You’re such a good friend to me." The doctor smiled while grabbing my hand and gently led me downstairs.

"That’s what I’m here for Linda. To be your friend and help you smooth out the rough edges. I know your friend’s death is painful but I think you’ve made some positive changes today because of it. Try to remember that you have people who care about you here."

"I will Dr. Green." Dave Williams was waiting for me by the door. "Hello Sergeant Williams."

He gave me a sad smile. "Hello Linda. My car’s this way." He held open the outside door and followed me out.

Dr. Green’s smile turned to a faint frown. She was too good of a psychologist to be fooled by a bad acting job. Linda was up to something and she was going to find out what that was. She made her way to the elevator and waited for it to open. Then she made the long drop into the bunker. Colonel Myers was already waiting for her when the elevator door opened back up.

"Good morning Carol. I saw you coming and thought I’d come out to greet you." Dr. Green almost laughed at the comment. Of course he had seen her coming, they monitored the entire hallway and elevator upstairs.

"Good morning Barry. I think we have a problem that I want to discuss with you."

"Let me guess – Linda Anderson."

"You know then?"

"I saw you walk her down the steps and then have Dave drive her home. I suspected there may be some trouble involved." He motioned for her to take a seat and sat down next to her.

"There is," Dr. Green started out. "Did you hear about the police officer who was killed last night?"

"I heard something about it on the radio this morning. The shooting took place somewhere around Salt Lake City I think. What’s this got to do with Linda?"

"The officer was one of her classmates at the police academy – and a good friend of hers."

"Wow, no wonder she’s upset," Barry said with an understanding frown.

"Yes. So now she want’s to leave Andersonville to track down his killer. Of course Judge Herns refused so she’s threaten to escape."

"She said that to you?" Barry asked in a surprise tone.

"To both me and the Judge. Then she quickly shifted gears like she had changed her mind so I would let her leave."

"But you don’t think she did change her mind, do you?" Colonel Myers pointed out.

"No, I don’t. She’s up to something, which is why I’m here. I want you to change her status to a level 1-flight risk. The moment she moves into a secure area where she’s not allowed I want to know about it. And I also want hourly checks ran on her through the tracker over the next 24 hours. If she doesn’t try leaving by then – then I think we can trust her again."

"Consider it done doctor. What happens if she does try to leave."

"Then use whatever methods you need to return her. Remember that Linda is emotionally disturb right now and won’t be very happy when you catch her – so use lots of caution. No special treatment on her either Barry – I want her treated like everyone else."

"I understand Carol. It’s a shame, she seems like such a nice kid."

"She has her shiny moments Barry."

"Jeff isn’t going to be too happy to hear about this," Colonel Myers said. "You know he has a crush on her."

The doctor smiled pleasantly. "I suspected as much. You may want to keep him out of the loop on this one."

Colonel Myers shook his head. "No – that’s not how I treat my men. Jeff’s a professional. He may like her but he wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize the operation. I won’t keep secrets from him or anyone else in my group. If I can’t trust any of my men totally then I shouldn’t have them on my staff."

"That’s your call Barry. Thanks for talking with me." Dr. Green got up to leave.

"Anytime Carol. Thank you for the heads up on Linda Anderson." He watched her get into the elevator and the doors close.

‘A level 1 status,’ Barry thought to himself. The doctor was betting that Linda would be running something soon. He went back into the main room to break the news to his young sergeant.

*********************************

Dave Williams was respectfully quiet as he drove me home. I wasn’t crying anymore but he could tell I was still very upset. I guess he felt it was better to leave me alone until I was ready to talk.

"Sergeant Williams," I started.

"Call me Dave," he said with a small smile. He wanted to make this as easy on me as he could. "What is it Linda?"

"Have you ever lost a partner before?"

"It’s why I’m here Linda," he answered sadly. "I was involved in a shootout much like your friend was."

 

"What happened – if you don’t mind telling me."

"I don’t mind. My partner’s name was Mickey. We were on patrol one hot, sunny afternoon, a day so beautiful that you didn’t think anything could go wrong. We pulled into a convenience store parking lot to get a cup of coffee when a robber came out of the store with a gun in his hand. He couldn’t have been more then six feet from where Mickey was standing when he saw us. Anyway, he panicked and before my partner had a chance to react the robber shot him three times. Then he turned his gun on me and I was hit once in the shoulder and chest. Somehow I got my own shots off; don’t ask me how; it’s all a blur. It’s amazing how fast things happen. Anyway, one of my bullets hit him in the heart and killed him instantly. I don’t know what was worse for me – having my partner and friend lying there dead or knowing I had killed a man."

"But it was self-defense," I pointed out. Dave turned to me with a sad expression.

"Does that matter? I still have to live with the fact that I took a life. Maybe I could’ve aimed lower and shot him in the leg. But it happens so fast that you don’t have time to think. Then it’s over and you end up with plenty of time to think about it. I still do, every time I’m patrolling Andersonville on a sunny day. I think about Mickey and how my life changed in just a few short seconds."

"What happened next?" I wanted to know.

"I was lying there in the hospital with tubes sticking in me all over my body. I lost a lot of blood from the chest wound and the doctors were fighting to keep me alive. My wife came into the room – I could tell she had been crying. Later on my kids were allowed in as well. It was hell on all of them. When I saw them I made it a point to live. After a few days I was moved into a private room and that’s when the real hell began.

"My friends on the police force came in to see how I was doing – and to congratulate me on getting my friend’s killer. That’s when I learned I had killed him. It was horrible – they were happy and thankful that I had killed another human being but I didn’t feel that way. I learned he was only 19 years old – a dumb, scared kid. I felt numb inside. I decided to quit the force."

"So what brought you here?" I asked

"Trisha Brown. About a month after the shooting I was home recovering when she showed up. At this point I was impossible to deal with and it was putting a big strain on my marriage. I was angry and taking it out on my wife and kids. Little things that never used to bother me set me off and I would become a screaming idiot. My wife was finding more excuses to get the kids out of the house so I could be alone. Then Trisha shows up and starts talking to me. At first I was just rude to her but she didn’t give up on me. I guess she saw something in me I couldn’t see. Finally I started opening up to her – about how I was feeling and the nightmares I had over the shooting.

"About a year later she offered me a job working in Andersonville. My wife didn’t want me to go back to police work – I could understand why. But Trisha told me this was one of the safest places in the world and I found out why. I was hesitant at first but I really loved being a cop. Not so much the arresting of criminals, but helping people out and knowing I was making a difference in their lives. My wife finally agreed to check Andersonville out and we both liked what we saw."

"How long have you been here – I mean before I arrived?"

"We got here one month before everyone else. It was like a ghost town but I didn’t mind. The temps weren’t up and running yet so mainly I spent time with my family exploring the town. And then there were the daily sessions I had with Dr. Green."

"You talked to her?" I was a little surprised by this.

"I needed to Linda, I was still having a lot of problems with the shooting. Sometimes my wife and I would drive over to her house and we would talk about it the entire morning. By the time you showed up I was back to my old self again. Andersonville not only saved my marriage – it saved my soul." He turned and pulled the police car into my driveway.

"Can I ask you one more thing Dave? If you hadn’t been able to return fire and the robber had gotten away – what would you have done to capture him?" He stared straight ahead in silence.

"Anything that I could," he replied with a frown. "Mickey was a good cop, I miss him."

"Thanks for the talk, Dave." He smiled as I got out and drove off. Steve was waiting by the door to greet me.

"How are you doing sister?" I could see that despite his own troubles he was plenty worried about me. I knew that would work to my advantage.

"I’m doing better than this morning. Where’s Jennifer?" Both Steve and my sister were out of school that day due to some kind of conference.

"Mom took her over to a friends house and then went to the church for the bake sale this weekend. She said she wouldn’t be back until 5."

"Good." I gave my brother a long stare. "They won’t let me go

Steve – not even to his damn funeral."

"I’m sorry," he said honestly. "Is there anything I can do to help?" I smiled inwardly, knowing I had him.

"Yes. Follow me." I led him upstairs to my room and went over to my closet. Inside the closet I removed some of the molding around the floor. Months ago I had dug out a little hole in the wall to hide my emergency pack. Carefully I took it out and laid it on the bed.

"What do you think you’re doing?" Steve asked, knowing full well what I was up to.

"If the Judge won’t turn me back into Tom McClain then I’ll do it myself."

"Linda, this is crazy. Think about what you’re giving up."

"WHAT AM I GIVING UP?" I yelled at him. I ran over to my dresser and picked up a handful of nylon panties of various colors.

"Is this what I’m giving up Steve?" I said while throwing the panties at him. They struck him in the chest and fell on the floor.

"Oh how about these," I shouted picking up a handful of my bra’s and doing the same. "Or all these pretty slips!" I toss them at Steve as well.

"Now lets look in my closet," I said flinging open the doors and pulling out some dresses. "How about this? Springy – pretty – sophisticated – charming." The sarcastic tone grew while I described each dress and then tossed it on the floor at his feet.

"Lacy – enchanting – sexy!" I continued. "This is what I’m giving up Steve! My new and unwanted womanhood! I not allowed to say what I want, or do what I want, or dress how I want. And Dr. Green, Judge Herns, and mom are always after me to find a guy to date. Well I don’t want to DATE A GUY – and I don’t want to play this make-believe game any more! I want out of here – today – NOW!"

"Linda," Steve spoke.

"GODDAMN IT STEVE – IT’S TOM! Don’t you fucking remember anymore? I saved your life for Christ sake!"

"I know Tom, I know," he agreed in an attempt to calm me down. "But I won’t help you hunt down a man so you can kill him. Even I have limits to how far I will help you."

"I’m not going to kill him," I told him.

"That’s not what you told me this morning," Steve countered.

I sighed and calmed down a little. "I know and I meant it. But I had a talk with Dave Williams on the way home and he changed my mind. He told me what it was like to kill a man and how hard it is to live with the aftermath of it."

"He killed someone? Our Sergeant Williams?" Steve gasped.

"Yes, and don’t tell anyone. It was self-defense. The man killed Dave’s partner and was going to kill him. He had no choice but he’s been haunted by the event ever since."

"So what are you going do?" Steve wanted to know.

"I’m going to use all my detective skills to track this man down. And when I find him," I took a deep breath, "I’m going to bring him back to Andersonville for trial."

"Do you know what the Judge will do to you!" Steve stated directly.

"I have an idea and I know it won’t be good. Maybe the Anderson’s will get that new baby girl they wanted me to give them – only not as a grandchild."

"Tom – I don’t think that I can do this. What you’re asking me to do –"

 

"What I’m asking you to do," I cut him off rudely, "is to respect my decision and put your neck out on the line like I did for you at the Jensen place. Steve, I’ve thought about this all morning and I can’t stand being in this body one more day."

"How do you plan to get past the security around Andersonville?"

"I’m guessing here, but I believe once I change back totally into Tom McClain they won’t be able to track me. I should be able to walk right out of town without them knowing it. I’ll catch the five o’clock freight and ride it until I get to someplace where I can rent a car. Then I’ll take it from there." I stopped for a moment to stare at my brother. "I know I’m asking a lot Steve. I know they may come down hard on you. But this is important to me, please understand."

"When I was trapped in Jennifer’s body," he said slowly. "I would’ve done anything to get changed back. Because of you I’m a man again, Tom. I guess what I’m saying is, I understand and owe you that much to help you out; even if I may be punished because of it."

"Thank you Steve." I reached over and gave him a hug. I could tell by the look on his face that he wasn’t happy about what he was going to help me do. But he was loyal friend, and he also had liked Kevin Brown.

I watched as he got the shot ready then I took off my shirt and lay down on the bed. He wiped an alcohol swab over the back of my neck.

"This is going to sting some," he informed me, "but don’t move. I have to inject you in the right spot for this to work. Are you ready?"

I nodded my head and closed my eyes. I was about to begin a new journey – one that I wasn’t sure where it would lead me too. There was a sharp stick, like that of a bee sting. Then I felt a warm sensation settling in as the serum made it’s way through my body. I felt Steve pull out the shot and wipe the back of my neck again.

"Is that it?" I asked. Steve nodded.

"That wasn’t so bad," I lied. "When can we start?"

"Give it a couple of minutes to work all the way into your system. Try running in place to get the blood circulating more." I did as he suggested and a few minutes later had worked up a sweat.

"Okay, you should be ready. This is your last chance Tom. Are you sure this is what you want?"

"I’m sure Steve," I replied while pulling out the modification list. "I know you think I’m making a mistake but this is what’s right for me."

"Okay," he said solemnly. "I would recommend you get undress first before starting. Do you want me to trigger the physical modifications for you?

"No, you’ve done enough. I have to take the next step alone. If you could, I’m going to need some clothes to wear after I’m through. Can you find something for me to wear from dad’s closet and place them outside my door?"

"No problem Tom. Good luck buddy." Steve closed the door as he left.

I removed my clothes and stood there in front of the mirror. The naked woman reflecting back at me wasn’t ugly – she was even kind of cute. In a way I felt sorry for Linda – and for the Anderson’s. Dennis Butz had had good intentions by turning me into her, even though I resented him for doing so. Linda had been brought back to life and now I was killing her again. It didn’t seem fair even though I knew that it wasn’t really her standing there in the mirror looking back at me. What would the real Linda Anderson have turned out to be like if she hadn’t been murdered? I wished I could have met her just once.

I picked up the list and looked at the first command. I closed my eyes and whisper, "Mecabeach! Height and weight. 49837. Mecabeach!"

I felt a burning sensation grow in my neck that was accompany by a loud buzzing in my head. I felt a slight numbness creeping throughout my body until I no longer felt my hands or toes anymore. Suddenly the room seemed to spin as I grew by several inches. I got heavier, at least 50 pounds heavier, as my body grew in mass. It was kind of creepy watching this happen and I closed my eyes until it was over. A moment later the buzzing subsided and I found myself looking at a taller, more muscular figure then what I once had been. I breathed a sigh of relief that the serum still worked. I looked at the next modification and said it out loud.

"Mecabeach! Basic Figure Modification and Skin Modification. 36712! Mecabeach!" I closed my eyes and waited.

The numbness returned and the buzzing inside my head was louder – like a swarm of angry bees. I felt my shoulders grow broader as my arms stretched in length and my waist dropped lower on my torso. When the buzzing stopped I opened up my eyes and looked clearly at the image in the mirror. My body was still more female them male but I could see signs of my old body now. The face was still Linda’s but it had a much more manish look to it since my skin was no longer as soft as it use to be. I closed my eyes again and said the next phrase that I hope would bring out the old me.

"Mecabeach! Facial Modifications and Hair Modifications. 2749726. Mecabeach!" I felt a great deal of sensation around my face, as if it was being pulled in different directions only from the inside. It wasn't painful, just a strange tugging feeling against my skin. And there was also sensation with my hair only not so much. After a few moments everything stopped and I regain my senses. To my horror, I still had the same hairstyle except it was a different color. Then I realize it was a longer version of my old hair. Apparently the serum could cause hair to grow but not shorten on it’s own. There wasn’t anything a pair of scissors couldn’t cure. I looked at my face and smiled. It was ‘my’ face. I’d never been so happy to see myself staring back at me. I touched it, every part of it, and smiled. I was back!

*******************************

Steve gave me a huge grin when he saw me. "Tom, it’s you, and with long hair."

"Not yet," I replied pointing to the two small lumps in front. "I still have to get something off my chest." Steve and I both laugh joyfully.

"You’re going to have to carry them around for at least 12 hours," he told me.

"I don’t have that long," I replied. "I have to get rid of them before five.

"Tom," he cautioned, "that’ll put too much strain on your body. It can’t handle all these changes in such a short time period."

"I think I have way of reducing the strain. I going to go upstairs and meditate until it’s time. My body should be recovered by then."

"It’s risky," Steve warned.

"It’s the only way," I shot back. "I’m guessing that they can still track me as long as I have parts of this modify body. This means I have to turn myself completely into Tom McClain before I leave. It’s going to be now or never."

"Okay Tom. I’ll make sure I get you up by 4:30."

"Thanks Steve. And find me a pair of scissors so I can cut my hair." I turned and went back upstairs.

******************************

"How’s it going Jeff?" Colonel Myers asked. The clock on the wall showed it was almost three o’clock but it seemed like the day had been longer. Barry would be glad when this day was finally over.

"She’s still in her room Barry – see!" Jeff told him pointing to the small pink dot on his screen.

"Don’t get your hopes up son. She may be resting up to make a break tonight. That’s when most of them try." The Colonel was so sure Linda would make a break later on that he had alerted a response team to be ready for some action tonight.

"She’s not going to leave," Jeff replied confidently. "She knows we can track her every move."

The Colonel slapped his sergeant on the back. "You may be right Jeff." He didn’t see a reason to worry the young man. But Barry Myers had a gut feeling about Linda; she wasn’t going to take this decision lying down.

************************************

I was up before my brother came and got me. It was time – time to put my theory to the test. In an hour I would either be rolling southward on a freight train or standing in front of Judge Herns. Steve looked at me nervously.

"Are you ready?" he asked

"I am," I said confidently. "Here goes nothing. Mecabeach! Chest and penis modification. 0000001. Mecabeach!"

The numbness swept over my body again. A gentle tingling began in my chest and than grew to sharp pins and needles until it was almost painful. I saw both of my breast slowly shrink into my chest before my very eyes.

‘Go baby, go,’ I said to them. In a moment they were nothing more then a passing memory. Down lower I felt the same pins and needles effect attacking my groin. It was a weird feeling; I felt my vagina closed up and something grow out of where nothing had been. Suddenly the tingling stopped. Steve looked at me nervously, and I returned the same look. I put my hands down into my pants and felt a warm, lump of flesh. My ‘old’ friend. I started laughing and Steve did the same. He came over and hugged me.

"It worked," I yelled out with glee. I’m a man again." I laughed even harder. "Want to feel it Steve?" I joked.

"I’ll take your word on it," Steve replied with tears rolling down his cheeks from laughing so hard. I had to wipe a few away myself.

"I better hurry. I need to borrow your bike Steve."

"I figured you would. I placed it out on the front porch." He held out his hand to me. "Good luck Tom, and good hunting." I pushed his hand away and gave hug instead.

"I’ll call you as soon as I can brother. Take care of mom and dad for me while I’m gone." I released my hold on Steve. "I’d better get going now if I’m going to catch that train.

Steve watched as I got on his bike and pedaled away as fast as I could."

"Good luck brother," he whispered.

***********************************

Jeff was doing his hourly check on Linda. He didn’t let on to any of his co-workers that he was worried about what she might do. Jeff had already decided that he would go over to Linda’s house after work to talk to her. Maybe he could put some sense back into her life and better yet – maybe she would even open up and give him the time of day. There was something about Linda Anderson that drew him to her like a moth to a flame.

He brought up her bedroom on the screen but didn’t see her mark there. Jeff frowned a little and punched in her id number to do a search. Normally that only took a couple of seconds but after a full minute of searching Jeff became concern. He switched his computer to the town mode to speed up the process. To his frustration, the computer still didn’t find her.

Now the Sergeant began to panic a little. He knew Linda couldn’t have left town, the computer would have alerted him if she had tried. And without a car she couldn’t have gotten very far on foot. The only possibility was that she could have moved into a dead area of the town. They were finding new ones each week.

Jeff brought up her full file and clicked on the movement recorder. Next he set the timer back an hour and started going forward. Her pink dot moved slightly at times but it never left the room. Then at 4:34pm she just disappeared.

"Oh my God," Jeff gasped. "COLONEL MYERS – I need you out here RIGHT NOW! CLASS ONE ALERT!" The Colonel cut short who ever he was talking to on the phone and made a beeline over to Jeff’s computer.

"Calm down son, what is it,"

"It’s Linda Anderson sir – she’s gone."

"What do you mean gone?" Colonel Myers asked. "Did she escape?"

"I don’t know sir – watch this." The Sergeant replayed the tape for the Colonel and his co-workers who had gathered around his desk. All of them looked puzzled when she simply disappeared from the screen.

"Could it be a glitch on her tracker?" Mac asked.

"Maybe – but it’s awful damn convenient that it would go out now," Colonel Myers replied back in a very business like tone. "Mac, have your people run a diagnostic on all systems. I want to see if we have a virus or anything else present. Tony, you and Jeff have your men do a check on every resident. I want to see if anyone else disappeared besides Linda. In the meantime I’m going to have one of the Police officer’s check on Miss Anderson. Let’s not panic yet, this may be a computer glitch." Colonel Myers didn’t believe his own words for a second.

********************************

I made it to the freight yard just as the train was pulling out. I quickly climbed aboard a brown BNSF boxcar and sat down inside it. The train was being pulled by two engines, both ex-Conrail units. The lead unit was a SD40 while the other was a GP38. The boxcar was near the end of the 55-car freight train so I wasn’t too concern that I had been spotted by the engineer. Besides, he had been going into a curve when I ran out making it almost impossible to spot me unless it was looking right at me. More likely he was looking forward where he should have been.

I watched as the town of Andersonville slowly disappeared in the distance. The train picked up speed and was running about 35mph. I heard the train horn blow as we approached a grade crossing and a minute I heard the warning bells ringing as my boxcar when by. It was replaced moments later by the rhythmic thumping of the track below. I sat back against the wall of the boxcar and tried to relax. In a couple of hours I would be so far away that they would never find me.

******************************

Steve saw the police car pull up in front the house. The cop could only be here for one reason, to see where his sister was. Fearing he may try to take him in, Steve made a mad dash out the back door and into the woods. If the officer couldn’t find him then he couldn’t ask him any questions now, could he?

Officer Candy wasn’t very happy about the call. He had been told to drive out to the Anderson’s and check on Linda’s location and mental status. The office grumbled silently. He was cop, not a nursemaid for an emotionally distressed kid. Yet here he was checking up on this girl when he would rather be working a speed trap and handing out tickets. Being a police officer in Andersonville wasn’t what it was cracked up to be. He knocked on the door but no one answered. Next he tried the door handle but it was locked so he got on his radio.

"Base, there doesn’t seem to be anyone home at the Anderson house. Request permission to return to patrol."

"Hold on Nick," Officer Philips told him over the radio. "Let me check and see what the downtown boys want you to do." Officer Candy waited impatiently over the next couple of minutes for a reply before his radio squawked again.

"Nick, Steve Anderson is in the woods behind his house. Barry Myers wants you to locate him and find out where his sister is."

Officer Candy cursed silently. It was one thing to be told to check up on someone, now he was going to have to track down her brother to find out where she was.

"10-4," Officer Candy replied into his radio with disgust. He hoped to hell this was all worth it. The cop made his way out back and came to the entrance of the woods.

"Hey Boy," he yelled. "Stevie, I need to talk to you. Come out here." The cop didn’t get a reply back. The officer’s radio squawked again.

"Nick, they got your transponder code on the screen with your target. According to the downtown guys, he’s about 100 yards to your 2 o’clock. Looks like he’s just laying there."

"I’m on it," Candy replied with some enthusiasm. Maybe this wouldn’t be such a bad call after all. He carefully made his way in the direction given to him and after a couple of minutes the cop knew he had to be getting close.

"Hey boy, I’m on to you. You can’t escape me. Come out now and save us both the trouble." Officer Candy was secretly hoping the boy wouldn’t come out so he would have to go in after him.

"This is your last chance Stevie," Officer Candy said as he took another step forward."

Steve Anderson rose up from the ground and started running off in the direction of the house. But Officer Candy was ready for that move and ran after the young teenager in hot pursuit. Just as Steve cleared the woods Officer Candy tackled and pinned him down.

"Alright you little punk," he growled, "I told you to come out, didn’t I? Now you’re coming with me." He grabbed his handcuffs and placed them around the boy’s wrist. "When the Judge gets done with you you’re going to wish you never ran from me – I personally guarantee that boy!"

Officer Candy lifted Steve up off the ground roughly and forcefully pushed him forward. Steve almost fell over but the cop jerked him back before that happened.

"What the HELL do you think you’re doing Nick!" Sergeant Williams yelled out. He was still dressed in the street clothes that he had changed into after getting off two hours before. Officer Candy gave his supervisor a blank stare.

"I asked you a question officer!" Dave Williams stated in an angry tone.

 

"He ran on me so I took him into custody," Officer Candy answered in a defensive tone. "That’s proper police procedure."

"Not with the force you used on him it isn’t Mister," Dave glared back.

"What did you want me to do Dave, kiss him? He’s mine now and I’m taking him in."

"Wrong Nick! You’re taking off those handcuffs and turning him over to me. Then tomorrow you and I are going to have a long conversation about what I just saw and why I ‘never’ better see it again! Now take off those cuffs before I slap a pair on you."

Dave gave the other officer a look that showed he meant business. Officer Candy removed the cuffs from Steve’s wrist and gave him a slight push forward.

"Come with me, Steve," Dave said, putting an arm around the boy as he took him away. Officer Candy followed behind them at a respectable distance.

*********************************

"Sir, it’s no use sir," Mac stated. "We’ve check all the systems over twice and it’s not a problem on our end."

Mac gave his boss a frustrated look indicating that he didn’t know what else to do. Their relief had arrived about a half-hour ago and was helping out with the systems checks. Colonel Myers counterpart, Ted Jacobs, gave him a nervous glance.

"Barry, why don’t we talk in the office for a few minutes," he said. They both went into the office and closed the door so no one could hear them.

"I don’t know how she did it Barry," the other Colonel stated, "but she got away. We have to report this."

"Come one Ted, she couldn’t have gotten far and you know it. I’m going to order a company of men to sweep the southern area. With the night coming soon it’ll be easy to spot her walking around." Colonel Jacobs shook his head.

"I’ll take care of it Barry, this is my watch. I want you to go home and get some sleep. I’ll let you know when we find her."

"You know I won’t be able to sleep tonight!" Colonel Myers replied.

"I know Barry, but you can’t stay here all night. You have to lead your men out of here so my group can take over. My men aren’t use to working with your temps and your men are dog-tired. Go home now."

"I don’t understand," Colonel Myers stated in frustration. "Where in the hell could she be?"

"That’s my responsibility now," Colonel Jacobs explained. "Are you sure nothing else left town between the time she disappeared and the time you closed up the border?"

"Just those three trucks I told you about. We stopped and searched one of them. The second truck we have a lead on and C-troop should find it soon. The third," he pointed to the southeast corner of the map in frustration, "the third could be anyway."

"What about the railroad?" the other Colonel asked. "Wasn’t there a train leaving around that time?"

"Yea, there was," Barry replied. "But I had my men check the force field twice, it was never penetrated. She couldn’t have made it to the tracks."

"Barry, Linda Anderson shouldn’t have been able to disappear and make it outside of town without us knowing about it but it sure looks like she did. Now I don’t know how she did it, but if she was able to get past our monitors without being seen then most likely she could have done the same thing with our force field. We have to assume Linda Anderson could have gotten on the train."

"Oh my God, you’re right," Colonel Myers said. "And her brother is a railroad nut – he would’ve know when the train pulled out each night. Why in the hell didn’t I think of that before?"

"Where would the train be now." Colonel Myers thought about it carefully.

"It would be at the Burlington Northern Santa Fe interchange yard by now," he laughed bitterly. "She could be anywhere. Damn it, I screwed up."

"We don’t know that Barry," the other Colonel stated. "Look, as commander of this shift I’m asking you to take your men and get the hell out of here. Please Barry, don’t force me to make this an order. Go home and get some rest. You owe it to yourself and to your men."

"I guess you’re right Ted, we’re only getting in your way down here. Thanks for your help."

"We’ll find her buddy. I’ll call as soon as we do, I promise."

The eyes of all six men and some of the temps were on both Colonels as they made there way out of the office. Colonel Myers men saw the painful look in their boss’s eyes; he was taking this escape on his watch very hard.

"Come with me," he said to his men. Colonel Myers led the three real soldiers and the 75 temps into the massive hallway.

"Goodnight," Colonel Myers told the temps while punching in his code. The temps disappeared leaving his three soldiers and him standing there. Silently he led them into the elevator and hit the up button. None of soldiers said anything to their commander on the way up; they knew what he was feeling. Each man wanted to tear the town apart brick by brick to find her. It was bad enough to have someone escape on your shift but what made it worse was that fact they had been warned she most likely would try. When they got to surface Barry bid his men goodnight, something he usually did when they got outside.

"Aren’t you leaving?" Mac asked his commander.

"I’m going to check and see what’s going on with the Anderson boy. Maybe he can clear this up."

His men offered to go with him but the Colonel held up his hand. "Please guys, I need to do this by myself. I’ll see you tomorrow morning."

The three of them walked away disappointed while Barry made his way down the hallway to the Police office. He found Dave Williams standing outside the conference door stroking one side of his long mustache.

"Anything Dave?" he asked hopefully

"I’m afraid not Barry," he replied with a frown. "Steve keeps insisting he doesn’t know where she is. We’ve been trying to locate Judge Herns to see if she can help out but so far we haven’t found her yet. Steve’s parents in the meantime are out in the lobby screaming that we release him. They claim their daughter went camping with a friend, or at least that’s what the note says that Linda wrote to them. Of course she doesn’t mention who the friend is and when she’ll be back."

"Do you think he knows the truth?"

"Oh yea!" Dave answered enthusiastically. "Steve knows exactly where Linda is. I have Dr. Green in there now talking to him but I don’t think it’s going to do any good."

"Can I talk to him?" Barry asked. Dave gave the Colonel a questioning glance.

"Talk? I’ve already had to pull one person off Steve today, do I make my point," he stated with a frown.

Barry nodded his head. "You do Dave. I promise I won’t lay a hand on him or raise my voice. I just want to see if I can reason with him."

"Okay, but if you start getting angry I’ll throw you out."

The door opened up and Dr. Green stepped out. She gave the Colonel an embarrassed look.

"Anything Doctor?" Sergeant Williams asked.

"I’m sorry Dave, he insists he doesn’t know what happen to her."

"Why did he run from the officer," Barry asked.

"He say’s he was scared," Dr. Green replied.

"I can believe that," Dave answered. "Officer Candy is going to have a letter in his file after I talk to him tomorrow. I thought they screened the officers better." The doctor shrugged her shoulders.

"Let me talk to him," Barry said. Dr. Green nodded and the three of them went into the small room. Steve was sitting at the table looking rather worried.

"Steve," Dave said, "this is Colonel Myers. He would like to ask you some questions."

"I’m telling you I don’t know anything," Steve blurted out. "Why won’t you believe me and just let me go home?"

"Steve," Dr. Green sat down and put her arm around the boy, "your sister is in a lot of danger. We need your help finding her so she can be brought back here safely.

"Why," he sniffed. "So you can punish him? So you can turn him into a little baby – or maybe a tree or something like that. Why can’t you just leave him alone?"

"Steve, do you know how dangerous it is for a young woman to be hitch hiking out there alone in the middle of the night?" Dr. Green explained softly. "There’re too many crazy’s out there. I won’t lie to you; Linda will be punished for escaping. But she’ll be alive and well, isn’t that more important?"

"Son," Barry spoke in a comforting tone. "I know you and your friend go way back. If you help me bring her in I’ll talk to Judge Herns and make sure nothing bad happens to her. In many ways she’s done us a valuable service. Linda’s shown us a major flaw in the system that needs to be corrected. I’ll let the Judge know this and do what ever I can to make sure the two of you aren’t separated."

"Promise?" the teenager asked while wiping the tears from his eyes. Dr. Green handed him a Kleenex to wipe his nose with.

"I promise," Barry said.

"He was on the train," Steve said.

"How did she get past the force field?" Barry inquired.

"He has my cell phone, you’ll have to ask him yourself."

"What’s the number Steve?" Dr. Green asked.

*****************************

I was driving down the highway in a brand-new Honda that I had rented. Looking ahead I could see the open road going into the distance as far as the eye could see. I was free of my prison sentence and the female body they had tried forcing me to accept. I was as man again and it felt great. There was no director to report to, no Judge I had to make coffee for, no more filing that I had to do, and no more shaving my legs or underarms every other morning. I was free to do whatever I wanted.

After I rented a car I went to a nearby truck stop and got a haircut at the 24-hour barbershop. Then I drove to an all-night department store to pick up some decent clothes. I took pleasure in the fact that all traces of Linda Anderson were now gone. But the greatest satisfaction came when I stood up to pee instead of fighting with my clothes before sitting down to do my business. That and the fact I didn’t see those two grapefruits hanging down from my chest. I was totally free from my female bondage.

I heard Steve’s cell phone ringing next to me. So it had taken the guys in the bunker this long to figure out I was missing. I was glad I had had some kind of plan already in place before leaving, I wouldn’t have made it very far on foot in that short of time. I turned on the phone but didn’t say a word.

"Linda?" the voice asked. "Linda, can you hear me?"

I was surprised to find out it was Dennis Butz on the line. I figured it would have been Dr. Green or Judge Herns but not Dennis. My disappearance must have really caused a stir if he was calling me.

"Linda, I want you to say something." I laughed silently to myself before answering.

"How’s the weather in Hawaii, Dennis?" I said in a deep, male voice.

"Tom? Tom is that you? How in the hell did you – " Dennis stopped in mid-sentence as he figured out his own question.

"That’s right Dennis," I chuckled. "I guess Dr. Jensen didn’t tell you about the extra batch of her serum that she made up for me. By the way, my contract with you is broken."

"Tom, listen to me," Dennis spoke in a serious tone. "You don’t know what you’re getting into. I’m serious; you’re heading into a ton of trouble. Turn the car around and drive back to Andersonville. If you do I give you my personal guarantee that no harm will come to you."

"What about being turned into a woman Dennis? Don’t you consider that harmful? Why don’t you try living as a woman for a while."

"I already have," he replied, "and we’re not talking about me, it’s you I’m concern about. Turn the car around and come back now!"

"And if I don’t?" I said in an almost threaten manner.

"Then I can’t help you," he stated sadly. "When you’re caught – and you will be caught Tom – I won’t be able to stop whatever the Judge does to you. But if you come back right now I’ll make sure she changes you back to the way you were before you started this little quest of yours."

"And no punishments?"

"Let’s be realistic here Tom, you know Judge Herns is going to have to punish you somehow. There’ll be restrictions of course, most likely some community work but nothing you can’t handle. You’ll get to keep your job, car, and most important, your age. But you have to turn your car around right now."

"You don’t get it, do you Dennis," I said gripping the phone tightly. "I’m not trying to escape. I have every intention of coming back to Andersonville once I’m finished with what I came out here to do."

"Tom, there are 10,000 trained detectives and police officers looking for your friend’s killer. Do you really think he’s going to get away? Do you really think you’re going to be the one to catch him? Think about it Tom, this plan of yours is crazy!"

"I have thought about it Dennis. It’s the principle that matters here. I shouldn’t have been denied the right to look for him in the first place! I’m not one of those criminals you bring in every week and I shouldn’t be treated like one. I’m going to do whatever it takes to find Kevin’s killer."

"Like you did when you went after your friend, Al Parker?" Dennis pointed out. "Look at the mess it got yourself into over that. How many people will die this time Tom? One, two, a half-dozen?"

"You go to hell you son of a bitch," I answered crossly. "I wish I’d never met you. This is your entire damn fault to begin with. Al and I were innocent pawns in your grand fucking game. Well now I’m out of your clutches and it feels great! I’m free to do what I want and I’m going to find the SON OF A BITCH WHO KILLED MY FRIEND so don’t you try and stop me!"

I turned off the phone and threw it out the window with all my might. It was mostly likely bugged anyway and they would be tracing my call to see where I was. It didn’t concern me, by the time they found it I would be long gone. I pressed the gas accelerator down a little more.

On the side of the road a dark figured reached down and picked up the phone – then inspected it for damage.

"You really need to be more careful with your phone Miss Anderson," Officer Merrick said.

"I don’t think she heard you Mercury," Apollo replied. "Maybe you should run after her and tell her." Officer Merrick laughed.

"So what do we do now?" the cop asked in a serious tone. Apollo’s phone rang and he pulled it out of his pocket and placed it to his ear.

"Yes Dennis?" Apollo said and listened to what the man had to say. "I understand. Okay then, we’ll keep him in sight." He turned off the phone and looked at his half-brother who was smiling.

"Follow him to see where he goes, then let me know." In a flash Officer Merrick was gone.

*******************************

I had driven all night, stopping only at a fast-food joint to buy something to eat. I wanted to show up early at my location before anyone suspected I was there. I knew Dennis would have his men watching Kevin’s house and as much as I wanted to see his wife and son to wish them my condolences, I knew it was too risky. So I went after a less obvious target, Kevin’s partner. I knew he had worked with a female trooper that he got along with real well. I was hoping she could provide me with some clues as to where the suspect might have gone. There were things about the suspect that only the cops would know about and I need that edge.

The sun wasn’t even up when I pulled my rental in front of her house. It was a fairly nice home north of Salt Lake City located in a newer neighborhood. There were bikes on the front porch indicating she had kids around. As I stepped up to the door to knock I noticed someone moving around inside. A mid-age man opened the door and looked at me.

"Can I help you?" he asked.

"I was looking for Karen Jones. Is she home right now?"

"Who are you?" he demanded to know in a suspicious tone.

"My name is Tom McClain and I’m a private investigator out of Seattle, Washington. Trooper Brown was a very good friend of mine. I was wondering if I could talk to Ms. Jones for a few minutes."

"Look sir," Mr. Jones started out, "my wife is really upset about his death. She was the dispatcher and – well, you can imagine how she feels right now. Can you come back in a day or so?"

"Please," I said while grabbing the door with my hand before he could close it. "I don’t have a lot of time. Kevin Brown – he meant a lot to me. He was one of the best friends I had. I came all this way to help find his killer and I need your wife’s help."

The man looked at me as if I was a little crazy. Maybe I was, I had been up the entire night and wasn’t thinking clearly.

"Mr. McClain – my wife isn’t feeling well right now. I suggest you go down to the patrol office and talk to someone there." He tried to close the door but I stopped him again.

"Five minutes – Please."

"Leave or I call the cops," he threatened.

"It’s okay honey," someone said, "I’ll talk to him." A middle age white woman with big, puffy eyes pushed open the door.

"So you’re Tom," she said softly. "Kevin used to talk about you all the time."

"He was a good friend," I replied back. "I’m sorry to intrude on you like this Mrs. Jones."

"Please, call me Karen," she said in a low tone while inviting me in.

I took a seat in a wore-out chair next to the couch she sat down in. Karen lit a cigarette and blew the smoke high in the air.

"I’m hope this doesn’t offend you. It’s a bad habit I picked up in High School that I haven’t been able to break. But smoking calms me down at times like these." I noticed her husband was watching her carefully with deep concern.

"It’s alright Karen, I use to be a smoker myself. Can you tell me what happened? The news reports don’t say much."

The woman took a deep breath. "Kevin had been on patrol that entire evening. It had been a crazy day; you know how it is sometimes being an ex-cop. Some days you’re looking for things to do and others you don’t have time to use the bathroom. I was going to pick up some milk during my lunch break but never got the chance. At 9:55pm Kevin called me on his cell phone to ask if I needed anything before he came in. He was like that. He was a good – good –" Karen put her hand over her mouth to stop from crying. "I’m sorry."

"It’s okay Karen, take you time," I said. Her husband gave me a ‘I hope you’re happy’ glare but remained silent.

"Anyway, I asked him to stop at my brother-in-law’s convenience store to pick up a gallon of milk. Just as Kevin was getting out of his car the suspect ran out of the store and saw him. Kevin didn’t even have a chance to go for his gun – the robber shot him point-blank and then ran off. It was – it was – oh God, why did I send him to that store?" I touched her hand to comfort her.

"You didn’t know, and it’s not your fault," I told her.

"Then why does it feel like it is?" she cried and almost falling completely apart. She took a deep breath and got control of herself again. I knew I didn’t have much time.

"Can you tell me where they think the shooter has gone? Or what kind of car he was driving?"

"The information’s right there," she said pushing over a crumbled piece of paper on the coffee table. "I must have stuck it in my purse by accident. It’s the APB on the subject. His name is Randy Coe and the last thing I heard was that they think he was heading east but they really don’t know. By now he could have gone anywhere. He could have gone north to Canada or south to Mexico. Or he could be held up at a friend’s place half a mile from here. I don’t know."

I patted her on the hand. "Thank you Karen. I’ll show myself out."

The woman didn’t say anything in return. She just sat there staring down at the ground. Her husband opened the door for me and shot me a glancing glare as I left. I guess I couldn’t blame him, I would have done the same thing in his shoes.

I walked back to my car not really paying attention to everything around me. All I could think about was the way Kevin had died. What a waste! Tears welled up in my eyes but I pushed them away. I was going to show how much Kevin meant to me by catching the SOB, not crying about it. I was going to make sure this murderer was brought to justice. I got into my car without looking first – a big mistake.

"Hello Tom," a friendly voice said. I jumped and turned. It was Pete Atkins, the man I had met on the plane when I first came to Andersonville.

"Pete, what are you doing here?" I really didn’t have to ask.

He chuckled softly and said, "I think you know. You have a lot of people trying to find you Tom."

"And are you one of them?" I asked directly.

"That depends. Dennis Butz sent me with a proposal."

"I’ve already heard his proposal. Why in the hell can’t he leave me alone."

The big, muscular man got a puzzled look on his face. "Believe it or not Tom, he cares about you. And you haven’t heard his newest proposal so I suggest you listen to it before turning it down."

"Alright then. Get on with it," I snapped.

"You have two options here Tom. First, you slid over and let me drive you back to Andersonville. Both Dennis and Judge Herns have promised you’ll be forgiven and returned to the way you were before leaving. You’ll face some restriction changes but nothing major or permanent. In six months the restrictions will be removed and no one will ever speak or hold this against you – EVER!"

"So all I have to do is go back and pretend I’m Linda Anderson again. How nice for me!" I said with lots of sarcasm.

"I thought you said that being Linda wasn’t the reason why you left," Pete/Apollo stated dryly.

"It wasn’t," I replied in an enraged tone. "But you know Pete, I kind of like being a man again. I guess you wouldn’t understand how it feels to be turned into a woman against your will, now would you."

"I guess not Tom," he agreed politely.

"So what’s the second option?" I asked in a snappish manner.

"We go after your friend’s killer together."

"What?" I almost laughed. "Why would I want your help? You’re one of them?"

"Them Tom?" Pete/Apollo raised his eyebrows. "Who are ‘them’?"

"I haven’t figured that out yet – but I will. And what help could you be to me?"

"Do you know where Mr. Coe is?" he asked.

"Do you?" I sarcastically shot back.

"He’s 103 miles from this location driving east on I-80 at 63mph. If we leave now we should be able to catch up to him by nightfall."

"How do you know this?" I demanded to know.

"I just know Tom. It’s part of being one of ‘them’," he said crisply.

"What’s the catch?"

"There is none. I’ll take you right to him. In fact, I’ll make sure it’s you who catches him and not anyone else. But I must warn you Tom – you may not like the end results of your actions."

"What does that mean?" I asked. It didn’t sound too good although I couldn’t figure out why. The man was offering me everything I wanted.

"I’m afraid you’re going to have to find that out for yourself. And when you do – it’ll be too late. So, do I drive – or you?"

"How do I get to the expressway from here?" I asked him. Pete sighed sadly and pointed me in the right direction.

******************************

"How far ahead of us is he," I asked Pete.

"73.3 miles. And I suggest you slow down – there’s a cop on the other side of the hill."

I brought the car down from 80 to 65mph just as we crest the top. As Pete had told me, there was a cop car sitting in the median with his radar gun pointed right at us.

"When were you planning on telling me about him?" I glared.

"Oh, right about now," he responded humorously.

"This isn’t some kind of game!" I snarled at him. "Next time give me better warning. The last thing I need is to be stopped for 20 minutes while some cop writes me out a ticket."

"I told you Tom, you’re going to be the one who catches Mr. Coe. I have people out there making sure his destination is clear of cops. All we have to do drive longer then he does."

"Where is he going?"

"I can’t tell you Tom?"

"Can’t or won’t," I spatted out.

"Both actually. Even if I could tell you I wouldn’t. It’s one of those unpleasant surprises in life that you’re going to have to deal with."

"What the hell are you talking about Pete?" I said raising my voice. "You’ve been talking in circles ever since we left Salt Lake. Now if I’m heading into some kind of trouble ahead I want to know about."

"You’ve been in trouble ever since you left Andersonville," he replied calmly.

"That’s what I mean," I yelled. What is it about me and Andersonville that everyone seems to find so God damn important?"

"It’s not the town Tom – it’s you and everyone else there. Andersonville serves a number of purposes and your leaving has disrupted its flow."

"Give me a break," I answered argumentatively. "I’m one person in a town of 35,000. Okay, most of the residents are temps but each day their numbers decrease while we, the real people, increase. You can’t tell me there isn’t anyone else in Andersonville who couldn’t do my job as good, if not better, then I do it."

"It’s not the job Tom, it’s you." Apollo replied back in a neutral tone.

"What does that mean?" I demanded to know while taking the car back up to 80mph.

"It means you’re serving a higher calling. It means you’re letting a lot of other people down – people you don’t even know about but who are depending on you just the same."

"You’re not answering my question? Why am I so important to you?"

"It’s not just you – it’s everyone in Andersonville that is important. You’re part of the circle and your leaving has broken that circle."

His answers sounded like a bunch of mumble-jumble and they were frustrating me. I decided to give up on this line of questioning and try something else.

"Okay. If you won’t answer any of my questions about me, how about answering some about yourself?"

"What do you want to know Tom?"

"Let’s start with your real name? It’s not Pete Atkins, is it?

"Of course it is," he answered. "I was given this name a long time ago."

"But that’s not what your people know you as. Back at the air base, when my father-in-law was questioning Mr. White, Dennis called you by a different name. He called you Apollo. Why?"

Pete/Apollo smiled slightly. "A nickname given to me by my father. He thought I looked like a Greek God. Surely you don’t believe I’m him."

"To be honest Pete, I’ve seen so many crazy things since I arrived at Andersonville that I don’t know what to believe anymore. I do know that the God Apollo was supposed to have been a God of truth and enlightenment. But except for a few parlor tricks up your sleeve, you don’t seem to know much of anything."

"I do know one thing?" he replied calmly

"Yea, and what’s that?" I snapped back."

"I know that the state trooper behind you wants you to pull over."

"What?" I looked back just in time to see the officer turn on his lights. "Shit – why didn’t you tell me he was back there?"

"It must have slipped my mind," Pete smiled.

I gave him a toxic glare and pulled my car off to the side of the road.

*******************************

Getting a ticket had cost us 11 miles. That’s how far Mr. Coe was able to drive while the state trooper wrote me up. I didn’t say anything else to Pete after that except to ask how far away Kevin’s murderer was. During that time I kept trying to figure out what my role in Andersonville was suppose to be. Why was my being there so important to other people who I didn’t even know? It didn’t make any sense.

As we drove late into the night Pete informed me the suspect had stopped driving. This surprised me a little as I figured the suspect would have felt safer driving at night then during the day. And the closer we got to Mr. Coe the more Pete seemed bothered by it.

Finally I asked, "why are you acting this way?"

"You wouldn’t understand," he told me.

"I might, I’m a pretty intelligent guy. Something’s bother you, now what is it?"

"I don’t know how this is going to end?" Pete stated sadly.

"Well I do! I’m going to find Mr. Coe, slap the cuffs on him, and take him back to Andersonville so he can stand trial in front of Judge Herns. Then I’m going to pray she doesn’t throw the book at me. I know I’m in a lot of trouble but I owed Kevin that much."

"The ends do not justify the means Tom," Pete said. "Two wrongs don’t make a right."

"Cheap philosophy," I scoffed. "What about how it makes me feel?"

"How does it make you feel Tom?" he asked deeply. "Do you feel good about what you’ve done so far? Do you feel vindicated? Because I don’t think you do Tom. I think deep down you know this quest of yours is wrong."

"Even if I did," and I knew he was right – I was starting to feel that I had made a big mistake by not returning to Andersonville with him, "it’s too late to turn back now. I’ve made my choice; Judge Herns would never let me back into town without punishing me severely. If I’m going to be punished then I might as well go back with my prize."

"It’s not as late as you think Tom," Pete said quietly. "There is still time to redeem yourself. If you head back right now Judge Herns will take that into consideration. You won’t escape being punishment but she will be lenient on you."

"How far ahead is he now," I asked coldly.

"11 miles."

"Then do me a favor Pete. For the next 15 minutes don’t say another word unless it’s to tell me where Mr. Coe is."

"As you wish Tom," he replied back in disappointment. We didn’t speak again until I saw a town in the distance.

"Is this where he is?" Pete nodded his head slowly. I looked at clock and realized it was nearly 12:30 in the morning. No wonder I felt so tired, I had been up for over 32 hours without a break; kept going by caffeine pop and bad food. At least I didn’t have to worry about traffic at this time of the night; I hadn’t seen another car on this road for over an hour. We past by a sign that indicated we were entering into the town limits that caused me to do a double take and slam on the brakes. I backed the car up so the headlights lit up the sign clearly.

"What’s the matter Tom?" Apollo asked with a slight grin.

"You know what the matter is," I said pointing to the sign that was welcoming us into Peace River. "This is your father’s town, isn’t it?"

"Yes," Pete replied briskly.

"So I won’t be taking Mr. Coe back to Andersonville with me, will I?"

"That depends," Pete answered, "on if you can catch him by yourself."

"Well I’m going to give it the old college try," I shot back. "Where is he?"

"Down one block on the right. He’s at a place called ‘Mickeys’, you can’t miss it."

"And he’s really there?" I felt like I was being set up somehow.

"He is. However, there is on small stipulation I need to tell you about. You have to wait for backup before you can arrest him."

"You mean to tell me there isn’t anyone watching him right now?" I was starting to get real pissed.

"We don’t need to be there to know where he is Tom," Pete reminded me. "Remember, we’re ‘them’."

"So what happens when my backup arrives."

"You go in with them and arrest Mr. Coe. The other officers won’t interfere with the process unless you call for help."

"Fat chance," I snorted. "I’m going to take him down so fast that he won’t know what hit him."

"You’ll need this," Pete said handing me a gun. It was my old revolver from my days on the police force.

"Where did you get this?" I wanted to know.

"Does it matter?" he asked. I suppose that it didn’t. I placed the gun next to me and drove to the bar. As I got out I stuffed the gun partway down the front of my pants. Pete looked at me with sad eyes.

"I’ll be back in five minutes with your backup. Please don’t get into any trouble while I’m gone."

I watched as he drove off and started searching for Mr. Coe’s car. I found it parked in the back where it was dark. I took a spot near the car where I could watch the entrance to the bar and the highway. I hadn’t been there more than a minute when a man came out of the bar and started walking towards me. As he walked underneath an outside light I saw his face and a chill ran up my spine – it was Kevin’s killer.

But instead of going to his car he started looking at another automobile close by. Then it hit me; he was planning to boost another car. Suddenly a terrible thought struck me. He had already killed one cop, what would a couple more mean to him. If the other officers showed up at the wrong time he would ambush them like he had Kevin. I wasn’t about to let that happen.

I moved behind the vehicle next to the one he was working on to see what was happening. The young man was lying on his back underneath the steering wheel working on the ignition. I drew my gun and took a deep breath to calm down; then ran up to him and stuck my gun in his face.

"Freeze you piece of Crap!" I shouted angrily. The man looked startled and raised his hands so I could see them. Carefully I grabbed the gun out of his jacket – the same one he had used to murder my friend – and tossed it on the grass behind me. The man, who couldn’t have been more then 22 years old, looked scared.

"Get up," I ordered. "Slowly or I’ll shoot your fucking head off and I damn well mean it." He complied. "Now put your hands on the car and don’t you move." I reached for my cuffs.

"It’s not what you think Mister," he tried to explain. "My friend couldn’t find his keys so I offered to hot-wire his car for him." The young man lift one of his hands off the hood of the car."

"I said put your hands on the car and keep them there Mr. Coe," I informed him in a threatening manner. "I promise, this is your last warning! This isn’t about trying to steal a car, it’s about you ‘murdering’ a cop – a very, very good cop who happened to be a friend of mine." This time the man didn’t argue, he knew I had him.

"Now very carefully, put your right hand behind your back," I ordered while not taking my eyes off him for a second

I knew I should have waited until my backup arrived to slap the cuffs on him; it would have been the smart thing to do. But I couldn’t wait; I wanted to arrest this guy so badly I could taste it. The young man moved his hand back slowly. I reached over to grab it when he made his move.

The young man jerked his hand away then came around with the other hand hoping to hit me in the face; but I was way ahead of him. If he could kill a cop in cold blood I knew he wouldn’t think twice about doing the same thing to me. I managed to duck just in time then came back with a foot to his stomach. The man hit the car with his back and spun to the ground. I stuck the gun in my pants and moved towards him.

"Hey man, I’ve had enough – you win." He held up his hands but I slapped them away.

"Not this time," I hissed angrily. "You started this fight and now I’m going to finish it."

I grabbed his shirt and pulled him up slightly. I took a swing and was rewarded by the solid ‘smack’ and painful blow of my fist hitting his jaw. His face shot backwards and I release him, allowing him to fall back onto the pavement. Mr. Coe tried crawling away on his back but I followed after him. My anger was starting to build and hadn’t yet reached its peak yet. I picked the punk up by one hand and pulled him onto his feet.

"This is for my friend you son of a bitch." I swung again, this time punching him in the nose. There was a sickening crack that caused blood to spurt out as it broke. He fell back to the ground in pain, both of his hands reaching up to cover his face.

"You’re crazy man?" he screamed in pain.

It was true; I was crazy. I was insane with rage and only beating the crap of him would make me feel better. When I moved towards him again he tried tripping me with his feet but I was able to easily sidestep his attempt and returned with a kick of my own to his hip. He rolled over on his side screaming and crying in pain but I had no mercy for him. I got down on my knees and pulled the gun back out of my pants. I grabbed his shirt collar and made him turn to face me. Then I stuck my gun right between his eyes. There was a grim, determined look on my face.

"No – no please," he begged.

I didn’t say a word. I could see the panic and fear in his eyes. I was actually enjoying the power I had over this chicken-fried piece of Crap! He begged some more but I blocked out what he was saying. Mr. Coe was no longer a human being anymore; he was some sick, dangerous animal that needed to be taken out before someone else got killed. I felt my finger starting to put pressure on the trigger.

Then everything seemed to slow down. It was strange, but the seconds became like hours. I realize that this event had become a focal point in my life – standing on the thin line between being a good cop and a ruthless murderer. If I pulled the trigger I would become just like Sergeant Williams– haunted by the memory that I’d taken someone’s life only I wouldn’t have self-defense to fall back on. No, I would become just like this piece of garbage I had been chasing for the past two days. I slowly released my finger off the trigger – then gave him a slight push to the ground and got off him. He started sobbing and curled up into a little ball in fear. I stepped back a few feet and stared at him, still in shock at what I had almost done.

"You lay there until the police come, you hear me?" The man quickly regained his composer and grunted something to me. It was dark between the two cars he was lying at and I couldn’t see his body very well.

"I think you broke my foot," he cried while reaching down to grab it.

Suddenly there was a flash and I felt something hot enter into my chest. The gun blast caused my body to be thrown back against the trunk of a car that kept me from falling.

"Oh my God," I yelled while feeling my shirt get wet with my own blood. The strange thing is, it didn’t hurt. My chest felt numb and I knew it was bad but it didn’t hurt. I lifted my gun up to aim at Mr. Coe but he was already sitting up and had his sights on me. Out of no where someone tackled him just as I saw another gun flash. I felt something hot hit the side of my forehead, causing me to fall to the ground on my side. Through glazed eyes, I could see Officer Merrick putting the cuffs on the suspect.

Another cop, with cold black eyes, walked up and stood over me. He smiled slightly and said, "Mister, if it wasn’t for us you’d be dead right now." I tried to say something but everything went black.

**********************************

I woke up in a dark room with a light shinning in from one side. My head hurt and I reached up to touch were I had been shot. To my surprise, I didn’t find a bandage there. Next I put my hand on my chest but I didn’t feel any bandages there either. When I tried to sit up, I found myself getting dizzy.

"Take a few minutes," I heard someone say. I turned my head slowly and saw Officer Merrick standing there in the lighted portion of the room.

"Where am I?" I whispered. The officer sat down in a chair next to me.

"You’re in a Peace River jail cell, Tom. Under the circumstances, we felt it would be better if you stayed here instead of at the hospital. Your little gunfight at the OK coral caused quite a disturbance in our town."

I looked closer and noticed I was in a jail cell but the door was wide open. Apparently I wasn’t under arrest for anything.

"It wasn’t my gunfight, it was the other guy who started shooting at me. I didn’t even get a chance to return fire. Which if I recall –" I pulled up my shirt and check my chest but didn’t see a wound, "he shot me twice; once in the chest and the other in the head. So why don’t I have any wounds?"

"You were in bad shape, Tom. The Judge had to work on you for over an hour to heal your wounds.

"You mean Judge Herns?" I asked slowly while shaking my head to clear my senses.

"Judge Jasper!" he replied.

"Oh God – this is hell!" Officer Merrick gave me a funny look. "I don’t really mean that Mark it’s just that – well, I didn’t think Judge Jasper liked me very much. In fact I would’ve swore he hated my guts, yet he saved my life."

I tried to sit up straighter but I found myself getting dizzy. My head was throbbing from the migraine headache I had.

"Do you have any aspirin?" I asked.

Officer Merrick smiled slightly and said, "Let’s see if I can help." He reached over and touched the top of my forehead. In a few seconds the headache was gone.

"How do you feel now?" he inquired.

"I feel great!" I grinned. "You should’ve been a doctor Mark – you’re wasting your talents being a cop."

"I tried it once," he smiled. "But being a doctor isn’t as exciting as running your own business or being a part-time police officer. By the way, just so you know, you’ve been asleep for over a day now. Your body needed time to recover from its injuries."

"It’s Friday?" I asked. Officer Merrick nodded. "What happen to Mr. Coe?"

"He’s on trial as we speak. I suggest you use the bathroom to freshen up some. I put a razor and some shaving cream out for you as well as a clean towel to wash yourself with. When you’re ready, I’ll take you into the Courtroom."

Officer Merrick led me to the bathroom/shower room that the police officers used. I looked at myself in the mirror and was surprised to see nearly three days worth of growth on my face. I rubbed my hands over my whiskers and smiled at the irony of it. Having whiskers was one of the things that made me a man yet I couldn’t wait to shave them off every morning. Maybe if I didn’t get changed back into a woman I would try growing a beard.

I pushed the thought out of my mind for now. I wanted to get cleaned up as quickly as I could so I could see Judge Jasper fry that little scumbag. I wondered what he did to cop killers?

Ten minutes later I re-appeared out of the bathroom looking and feeling better. I was hoping Judge Jasper was going to have me testified about the other night so I could bury the little worm.

Officer Merrick led me into the courtroom that was packed with people, some who pointed and whispered to others as I walked by. I took no notice to it. Ashley Gang was sitting in the corner taking notes of some kind. She gave me a sad, worried look as Officer Merrick sat me down next to an attractive, 30-year old woman who smiled and shook my hand.

"Mr. McClain," Judge Jasper said in a sonorous tone. "You’re just in time for the sentencing part of Mr. Coe’s trial."

I could see the young man looked scared and I found myself wishing I had been able to see at least part of the trial. I watched the Judge perform his magic as I had seen many times before. He closed his eyes, raised his hands, and a ball of light or energy, I could never be sure which one it was, started to rise out of his palms. Judge Jasper opened his eyes and the ball of light/energy moved forwarded at a quickened pace and struck the young man in the chest.

I watched with delight as the man began to shrink in size. Maybe Judge Jasper was going to turn him into a dog or rat – something to match what he really was. Then I grew angry as the man didn’t change much at all, he simply got younger. When the transformation was complete there stood in front of us a confused, 13-year-old boy. I felt my anger rise, the Judge hadn’t even seen fit to make him a small boy so he would be prey to the bullies in school. What kind of justice was this? Judge Jasper had turned me into a girl and I haven’t done anything wrong but this person had murdered my best friend in cold blood.

"Officer Denois, will you please make sure this young man gets home safely."

The other officer I saw the night I was shot grabbed the boy’s hand and pulled him out of the courtroom. I found myself wishing I had pulled the trigger that night instead of letting up.

"Mr. McClain," the Judge boomed out. "Will you please approach my bench." I did as he asked, giving him a murderous look. "You seem unhappy with my sentencing of Mr. Coe."

"He murdered my best friend in cold blood," I said with vial and hatred. "He tried to MURDER ME!"

"Yes, and now we get to you," he stated coldly. "Officer Merrick, please read off the charges."

"Tom McClain is charged with trespassing, breaking and entering, illegal use of drugs," I felt my anger grow even more, "conspiring to commit murder, two counts of murder – " It was too much for me to bear.

"WAIT A MINUTE!" I yelled. "I never killed ANYONE!" The Judge slammed his gavel down so hard that the thud rang in my ears.

"You will be quiet Mr. McClain until the charges have been read," Judge Jasper said firmly. He nodded at Officer Merrick to continue.

"Kidnapping and taking the victim across state lines," Officer Merrick started back up in a monotone voice. I couldn’t stand it any longer.

"Now wait a minute!" I interrupted again. The Judge pounded his gavel on the bench a second time.

"I warned you Mr. McClain." He held out his hand and I suddenly found myself unable to speak. "Continue Officer Merrick."

"Assault with a dangerous weapon, unlawful arrest, carrying a gun without a permit – " The charges began piling up. I counted over thirty separate charges by the time Officer Merrick was through. Judge Jasper sat there staring at me with an unmerciful frown.

"Your Honor!" someone called out. I turned to see the woman who I had been seated next to me rise and walk over to where I was standing.

"Yes Ms. Hall!" Judge Jasper said.

"Your Honor, these charges are very serious. I would like some time to talk to my client before you begin."

‘Client?’ I thought. ‘She was my lawyer?’

"Two minutes – in there," Judge Jasper stated sternly as he pointed to a small room off to the side. I followed Mrs. Hall into the room and she closed the door. Suddenly I found myself able to speak again.

"What the hell is going on here?" I demanded to know.

"I thought that would’ve been obvious to you by now," Ms. Hall stated. "You’ve been charged with a number of crimes and this is your trial."

"But the charges are all trumped up," I yelled. "He’s trying to railroad me."

"He’s not trying Mr. McClain, he’s already done so," my lawyer explained.

"So that’s it then? I’ve lost before this circus act he calls a trial has even started?" I was fuming mad.

"Mr. McClain, we don’t have a lot of time here so let me talk. I know about your case and what he’s accusing you of. Even if the reasons for doing these things were valid it doesn’t change the fact that you’re guilty of the crime. He has you."

"So what am I suppose to do? I asked angrily.

"Plead guilty and throw yourself on his mercy."

I cursed loudly. "This man has no MERCY! I’ll plead my case. I’ll go over each charge one by one to prove why I’m not guilty of them.

"That won’t work Mr. McClain," my lawyer said. "This trial is about you and no one else. If you start bringing up crimes that other people committed to justify your own actions the Judge will stop you. Trust me, he won’t let you go there. I should know, I’ve had almost eight years dealing with him."

"There has to be a way?" I told her.

"Tom," she said using my first name to get my attention. "Did you see that crowd out there when you came in? Do you know I’ve never seen a crowd anywhere near this size at one of my other trials! Do you have any idea who they are?"

"His clan," I ventured a guess.

"That’s correct. This trial isn’t about you being right or wrong for what you did; it’s about showing everyone who’s in charge."

"For what I did to his son, Gerald?"

"Yes. You don’t know what kind of impact that had around here. Many of his people supported your actions and still do. And to be honest, I think even Judge Jasper found it an appropriate punishment for Gerald. But the bottom line is, the Judge has egg on his face and he’s going to use you to wipe it off."

"So why give him what he wants? Why should I plead guilty to any of this?" I asked sarcastically.

"Because then he can be merciful without looking weak! You play ball and he’ll take that into consideration. You go up against him and he’ll hang you out to dry!"

"Did he tell you to tell me this?" I asked in an accusing tone.

"No!" she replied back equally unpleasant. "This comes from my experience of working with him. I know how he works and I know how this will end if you don’t follow my advice. It’s time you think about saving your own skin mister!

Officer Merrick tapped on the glass and motioned that our two minutes were up. I stood up to go back into the courtroom when she grabbed my arm and gave me one of the sternest stares I had ever seen anyone give me.

I’m serious Tom, don’t cross him. If you do he’ll burn you alive at the stake!" She opened up the door and I followed her back to our seats.

"So Ms. Hall, " Judge Jasper began, "you’ve had time to talk with your client. How does he plead?"

I was mad. Kevin’s killer had gotten off with a slap on the wrist and I was about to have the book thrown at me for saving my friend, Al Parker, from Gerald’s clutches. There wasn’t any justice in this place. I decided if I was going down it was better to go down fighting.

"Not GUILTY!" I said loudly before my lawyer had a chance to answer. Ms. Hall turned and gave me an ugly glare. I looked over at Officer Merrick to gage his response and noticed he looked worried. Then I looked up at Judge Jasper who had a thin smile on his lips. Suddenly I realized that maybe I should have taken my attorneys advice.

"Then let’s begin Mr. McClain," the Judge said. "Tell us, do you consider yourself a good cop or a bad cop?" The question threw me.

"A good cop," I answered slowly. "But I retired years ago."

"Isn’t it true you’re still listed as a cop on the Seattle force but not on active duty? And isn’t it also true that you still hold a detective status at your old job and occasionally have been asked to come in and help out on an investigation?"

"Yes, on rare occasions" I told him, confused at what he was getting at. "The truth is, I still consider myself a part of the law enforcement agency."

"So then, in your own mind you still consider yourself a police officer who is sworn to serve and protect the rights of others, and willing to give up your life in the process."

"Yes." I answered again. I could sense the trap but couldn’t see it.

"So as a good cop, explain to us how you could watch someone be murdered in front of you without raising a finger to stop it?"

"What are you taking about?" Suddenly it became very clear what the son of a bitch was trying to do.

"I’m talking about Susan Bennett," he lashed out. "You knew of her children’s intent to murder her and yet you did nothing to stop it. In fact you did more than just watch, you provided them with the serum to do the job."

"Mrs. Bennett had imprisoned her son in his sister’s body and was running his life," I answered back. "He, both Keith’s, decided she should die for what she did."

"Since when do they have the right to decide who should die," Judge Jasper shot back. "Also, both Keith’s were under the age of 18. Children making an adult decision to murder someone based on a spur of the moment desire to get revenge. And you provided them with the loaded gun, the good cop."

"It wasn’t like that at all!" I responded.

"Wasn’t it," he snared. "What part isn’t correct? Them making a rash decision on a few minutes of thought or you providing the drug that ended Ms. Bennett’s life? Maybe you didn’t actually pull the trigger but you were holding the gun just the same."

"But the reason –"

"The reason is ‘UNIMPORTANT’," he shouted. You provided the means and then watched someone get murdered right in front of you; only you think that since you didn’t actually say the keyword to end her life that you’re clean of this crime. Well Mr. McClain, I’m here to tell you that you’re WRONG!"

I swallowed hard; Judge Jasper had a point. I thought I hadn’t been a part in her murder in any way but I was wrong. What would’ve happened if both Cynthia and Keith had had more time to think about it? Maybe Ms. Bennett would still be alive today.

"And let’s not forget Dr. Sarah Jensen!" the Judge added. "While I make no excuses for what she – or my son for that matter," he looked out into the crowd at someone, "did to your friend, I still find you responsible for her death. As in Ms. Bennett’s case, you did the same thing. You thought up the idea to have her killed and then let someone else carry it out. Tell me Mr. McClain, did you really expect Al Parker to act in any other way? He was emotionally distressed and in shock after months of abuse by her, and my son’s, actions. Then you come along and free Mr. Parker while at the same time providing him with a way to strike back. Maybe you didn’t command Dr. Jensen to crash her car that night but you were there, watching her drive off and knowing what was going to happen. Do you still feel ‘clean’ Mr. McClain? Do you still feel like a good cop?"

"What could I have done?" I asked the Judge but not as cocky as I had been a few minutes ago. "She had to be stopped before more people were modified."

"That’s what the courts are for," Judge Jasper answered in authoritarian tone. "We’re here so people won’t take matters into their own hands. With Dr. Jensen under your control you could have made her tell the truth to dozens of news reporters. The threat would have been exposed. But instead you choose murder, only you never got your hands dirty, or so you fooled yourself into believe. Do you disagree?

I didn’t answer him, what could I say? Judge Jasper was right, I had taken matters into my own hands and it had resulted in the deaths of two people. I began to see myself in a whole different light but the Judge wasn’t done with me yet.

"There are many other crimes I could go into but I see no reason to discuss them all. However, let’s talk about the kidnapping charges."

"He had it coming," I argued, trying to beat him to the punch. "Just because Gerald’s your son doesn’t mean you should take it out on me for what I did to him."

"Are you suggesting Mr. McClain," Judge Jasper said while giving me an evil stare, "that I’m bringing you up on this charge because he’s my son and I’m seeking revenge?" The Judge gave me a baiting stare; one that I bit down hard on and then realized was a trap.

"Yes Your Honor! Your thirst for revenge against me is fairly obvious. It’s one of the reasons you dislike me and made my life ‘hell’ when you were serving as the Judge in Andersonville."

"As for disliking you," he stated, "I’ll get to that in a moment. As for the kidnapping charges, I’m charging you with this crime because it’s a valid charge. Not only did you transform my son, which is where the illegal use of drugs comes in, but you also took him with you against his will. That’s kidnapping Mr. McClain, and don’t try to justify it somehow. I will give you points for being a good parent. You treated Gerald as if he were your own daughter and worked hard to bring him up right. But that doesn’t excuse what you did. It turns out this was your idea as well."

"And what he did to Al doesn’t matter?" I asked bitterly. "At the time I thought Al would always be Jennifer Anderson. So I gave your son a taste of his own medicine."

"So you’re suggesting two wrongs make a right then?" he asked with piercing eyes. I tried to think of something to counter his argument but he was right – that was what I was suggesting.

"We have laws Mr. McClain," he said then narrowed his eyes right at me. "As for disliking you, that’s the first correct thing you’ve said in this courtroom today. I don’t like you and not because of what you did to my son. It’s that arrogant attitude of yours I despise. The attitude that because other people committed the crime you’re somehow not responsible for what happened. Which brings me back to my original question about you being a good cop or a bad cop Mr. McClain. In my opinion, you’re one of the ‘WORST’ police officers I’ve ever meant. Your swore an oath to serve and protect the people – and that meant everyone including Dr. Jensen, Susan Bennett, and my son. Our laws are not for the ones you feel are worthy of them. You expect others to play by the rules while you do whatever is convenient to fit your needs; and then cry ‘foul’ when someone steps over the line. A good cop Mr. McClain? Your friend, Officer Kevin Brown, was a good cop because he learned from his mistakes. But you, you keep making the same mistakes over and over again."

Judge Jasper stopped for a moment to let me speak but I couldn’t even look up at him anymore. Everything he had said was true. How many laws had I broken to get what I wanted?

"You have a lot of growing up to do Mr. McClain," he continued in a calm voice. "I hope you don’t mind wearing pampers – because you’re going to be in them for a long time. Maybe after a few long years with new parents you’ll see that getting what you want doesn’t come without a price!"

I saw him start to raise his hands while he kept a stern stare on me. Strangely I didn’t panic. I felt like such a horrible person inside, and was relieved to know that it was over, that justice would prevail over me.

"Your Honor!" my lawyer interjected. "Before you proceed with your sentencing there is something you should read."

"What is it Ms. Hall," Judge Jasper replied annoyed that he had been interrupted.

"It’s a fax I received from Judge Herns," she stated, holding up a brown envelope. "She called me this morning to say she was sending me this letter to give to you. Her Honor instructed me to seal it in an envelope without reading the contents and deliver it to you just before sentencing. Officer Merrick, if you would be so kind." The officer took the envelope out of Ms. Hall’s hand and handed it to the bench. The Judge opened it up and read the fax carefully.

 

"Humph." He laid the paper down in front of him and looked at my attorney. "Did Judge Herns have anything else to say Ms. Hall?"

"Only one other thing," she replied uncomfortably. "That if you don’t accept her offer she’ll come to Peace River and camp outside your office door until you do."

From my vantage point it looked as if Judge Jasper actually cringed a little. He sat back in his chair and thought about it for almost a full minute before turning his attention back on me.

"It would appear Mr. McClain," he started out in a slow, tranquil pitch, "that Judge Herns wants you back so she can have a crack at you. I can almost assure you that she will not be as lenient as I was going to be, and I’m half-tempted to keep you here anyway for your own protection. However, she’s made a strong case for your return and I am going to honor it."

Then he turned up the heat and continued, "However, you’ll be turned over to her my way. Officer Merrick will drive you to Andersonville in the back of his police car. You’ll be returned to her as a criminal – which you most certainly are as we have found out today. This case is dismissed." He pounded his gavel and headed back into his chambers with the fax in his hand.

"Good luck Tom," my attorney said to me with a troubled demeanor.

"What – it’s – it’s over?" I responded somewhat shaky.

Officer Merrick came over and took hold of my arm. "We need to go now Tom," he said.

Before I had a chance to say anything I was being led out of the courtroom in a daze. I felt as if every eye was on me but I didn’t bother looking, opting to keep my stare at the ground. I felt like a whipped puppy that was going home with its tail between its legs. Officer Merrick led me over to his squad car.

"You’re not so tough now, are you Mr. McClain?" someone heckled me. It was Tracy standing nearby giving me a poisonous gaze. She hadn’t changed a bit since the last time I saw her.

"You thought you were better than me but as it turns out you’re worse than I could ever be," she continued to harass.

"Keep quiet Tracy," Officer Merrick said sternly as he opened up the back door to his police cruiser."

"I won’t," she sassed him. "And you can’t make me!"

"Perhaps I should talk to your mother about you being disrespectful to a law officer," Merrick answered with an evil grin. "And we both know what that means – a spanking."

"You wouldn’t dare," she replied with a look of contempt.

"I’ve already done it once," he said humorously.

"That was you?" she hissed. "I’ll get you for that."

"I don’t think so," Officer Merrick shot back with just a touch of anger. "Now get going before I do something you don’t want me to do. Besides, I think one of your ‘dolls’ is calling for you." He flashed her an insulting smile.

"This isn’t over McClain," she threatened before running away.

"Kids these days," Officer Merrick said with a smirk. I actually smiled slightly as he sat me in the back seat of the police car and closed the door.

As we headed out of Peace River I was feeling so low that I didn’t even bother looking out the window to see what the town looked like. The Judge’s words had ripped through my self-esteem and exposed me for what I was. Ten minutes later we were driving down a two-lane road with trees on both sides. Officer Merrick turned and looked back at me.

"I want you to close your eyes until I tell you to open them back up," he ordered me politely." I obeyed, not wanting to cause any more troubles for myself. I felt the car come to a stop.

"Okay, you can open them back up now." I did and found that we were parked in front of a motel in the middle of a crowded town. There were lots of cars and people going by us. Officer Merrick got out of the car and walked around to the other side to let me out.

"How did we get here?" I asked in bewilderment. Then I realized that I didn’t know where here was.

"Come with me," was all he said while unlocking a door and motioning me inside. "I want you to take a shower but don’t put your old clothes back on." I noticed he seemed very business like about this.

I simply nodded and went into the bathroom to turn on the shower. I let the hot water hit my body and tried to relax about what was ahead. Somehow I knew Judge Jasper was right – that the worse was yet to come. Yet I couldn’t understand why Officer Merrick had brought me to a motel room so I could take a shower. I finished wrapping a towel around me and went back into the main room. He pointed to some underwear on the bed – men’s underwear. I was somewhat thankful for that.

"Put them on," he stated firmly.

I slid my legs into the cotton briefs wondering if they were going to suddenly change into a pair of panties. But that didn’t seem to be Officer Merrick’s game plan. He pulled out a uniform from a dry cleaners bag and handed it to me.

"This too," he said. I looked at it carefully; it was a policeman’s uniform with a ‘Andersonville’ patch on the sleeve.

"I don’t get it?" I said confused.

"There’s a funeral we have to go to," he answered grimly.

******************************

When we arrived at the cemetery there were over two hundred police cars parked along the road from different parts of the country, including one from a town in New Jersey. I swore to myself that I would never repeat a bad joke about the people in that state again. I saw Kevin’s wife and son, as well as his surviving mother, sitting by the casket. The two women had swollen-eyes as if they had been crying all night while the boy sat there with a dazed look on his face. It was as if he couldn’t believe his father was really lying there in the wooden box in front of him. I was having a hard time believing it myself.

We took a spot near some other officers, many of them with tears in their eyes, as the priest performed the last rites on Trooper Kevin Brown. Near the end we saluted out fallen comrade while the honor guards lifted their rifles and fired off a 21-gun salute. Behind me someone played taps.

Tears fell freely from my eyes and I wasn’t ashamed about it. I had been to other cops funerals before but none of them had been a personal friend like Kevin. I thought about our days together at the Academy and later when we were on the Seattle Police Force together. All those good times, never once did I think Kevin would be killed in the line of duty! It was a reality shock of how suddenly your life could end.

 

"Can I say ‘hello’ to his wife?" I asked Officer Merrick politely after the funeral was over.

"I’m in no hurry to get to where we need to go," he reply quietly. "I’ll go with you."

When Maggie Brown saw me she stood up and gave me a hug and a slight kiss on the cheek.

"Tom, thank you for coming," she said weakly.

"Kevin was my best friend Maggie, how could I not come? I’m so sorry for you. Is there anything I can do?"

"Thank you Tom, but I’m doing okay." She looked at my uniform. "Kevin didn’t tell me you worked on the Andersonville Police Force."

"It was suppose to be a surprise," I said sadly. "This is Officer Merrick, he’s a police officer from Peace River."

"Officer Merrick, thank you for coming."

"I’m sorry it had to be under these circumstances," he replied truthfully.

"Maggie, are you still coming to Andersonville?" I asked.

"There doesn’t seem to be much point in that now Tom. I’ve decided to go back to Atlanta to live with my parents for a while."

I nodded knowing it was most likely the best thing she could do. Andersonville didn’t really have anything to offer her now. I looked over at her son who was standing there all alone staring at his father’s coffin with a sad, painful look on his face.

"How’s Kevin Jr. handling it."

"He’s tough," she replied with tears in her eyes.

"Just like his old man," I told her somberly. "Do you want me to talk to him?"

"I think it would help," she sniffed. "He hasn’t cried since I told him the news. He needs to grieve."

"I’ll see what I can do."

I walked over to where the six-year old was standing. While I knew he was trying to be brave I could see how much he was hurting inside. His father and him had been very close – like best friends.

"Hello buddy," I said softly.

"Uncle Tom." He ran up and hugged me tightly, as if he was grasping onto a life jacket.

"How are you doing son?" I asked looking straight into his teary eyes.

"My father – he’s – he’s really dead?"

"Yea son," I nodded sadly while trying to think of something to say. "But he lives inside you if you keep your heart open to him."

The boy nodded slowly but not fully understanding.

"It’s okay to cry if you want Kevin, it doesn’t mean you’re weak. It only proves how much you really love your father."

The sorrow was too much for the boy to bear. He buried his face into my chest and started sobbing uncontrollably. I hugged him tightly as if he were my own son, and shed a few tears myself.

************************

After the funeral Officer Merrick drove me back to the motel to change into some street clothes. To avoid embarrassing me, he had allowed me to ride in the passenger side of the cop car until we got there. But once I changed out of the uniform he made me sit in the back as Judge Jasper had ordered. I sat there silently thinking about the events over the past few days and knowing it wasn’t over yet. Where would I be 24 hours from now? Then a funny thought struck me.

"Mark, whose idea was this to allow me to attend Kevin’s funeral?"

"It was mine," he replied.

"Won’t you get in trouble for this?" It seemed like he had gone against Judge Jasper’s orders.

"Maybe – I’m not really sure. I felt you needed closure on this quest of yours." He stopped for a moment then continued. "Just so you know Tom, I thought your actions two years ago were honorable even it they weren’t right. Given the circumstances with Gerald, most people would’ve treated him real badly. But you treated him with dignity, the same way you would’ve wanted to be treated. It’s a shame Gerald doesn’t learn. However, I do think my father brought up some valid points at your trial."

"So do I," I sadly agreed. "I’m such a fool!"

"A fool is someone who doesn’t learn from his past mistakes Tom," he said in a somewhat stern tone, "so I think the jury is still out on you."

"Thank you Mark," I answered appreciative. "I’m going to try make better decisions in my life from now on."

"Good – because I really don’t want to have to track you down again. It took me almost an hour to find you. I do have a reputation to uphold you know." He turned and flashed me a quick smile. "You look tired Tom. Why don’t you lay back and get some sleep. Your body is still recovering from the stress it’s been under since the shooting.

I realized that he was right, I did feel tired – no exhausted. I closed my eyes thinking I would only rest for a few minutes. When Officer Merrick woke me back up it was pitch black outside.

"What time is it?" I asked sleepily.

"Almost midnight, I told you that you were tired. We’re just getting ready to enter Andersonville, I thought you’d want to be awake when we did."

I thanked him as we crested the hill and saw the lights of the town below. Most of the people were asleep at this hour but there were still a few cars on the road. I wondered what kind of reception would be waiting for me when I got to the courthouse. Most likely there would be Judge Herns with half-a-dozen police officers to help haul me off to jail. But when Officer Merrick pulled up in front of the Courthouse there was a single, black Lincoln Continental parked in front. Dennis Butz stepped out of it as we pulled up. He gave me a sad, disappointed look.

"Thank you for driving him back Officer Merrick." Dennis said politely.

"I’m glad to be of service Mr. Butz," he replied back cordially. "Good luck Tom," he said holding the back door open for me.

"Get in my car Tom," Dennis said with almost no emotion. I took a few steps then stopped and turned.

"Officer Merrick, thank you for everything you did and said to me today." He smiled slightly.

"I almost forgot," the cop replied while grabbing something from the front seat. "I thought you would like this."

I almost started crying. It was a picture of Kevin, the same one that had been on the TV.

"Officer Merrick, thank you."

"Let’s go Tom," Dennis said in a neutral tone.

I followed Dennis Butz back to the car and got in. He was silent and I decided it was best if I didn’t ask him anything until he was ready to talk. We pulled up in front of an apartment building and he led me inside. Dennis unlocked one of the doors and ushered me in. It was my old apartment, the same one I had before I met Jennifer. The old ragged couch that pulled out into a bed and the old coffee table that was badly scratched up. The lamps that didn’t match each other and a few old paintings that hung on the wall. It was just as I remembered it two years ago.

"There’s food and beer in the refrigerator," Dennis told me. "Your meeting with Judge Herns is at 9am, I suggest you get there early." He turned to leave.

"Dennis, stop. Can’t we talk a bit?"

He gave me a blank stare. "There’s nothing to talk about Tom. I made you an offer and you refused to take it. Now you have to face the Judge."

"I’m not talking about that Dennis," I said slowly. "I said some things to you over the phone that were pretty nasty."

"We both did," he replied in a neutral tone as he opened up the door.

"Dennis – wait!" He stopped and looked back at me again. "For what it’s worth, I’m sorry for all the trouble I caused you these past few days. I was wrong to go after him."

Dennis closed the door and focused all his attention on me for the first time tonight.

"Believe it or not Tom," he said softly with gratitude, "that means a lot to me. Maybe you learned something from this after all. Good luck with the Judge tomorrow."

He gave me a slight nod then opened up the door and left. I sat there in my cold, silent apartment. I should’ve been happy being me again but I was miserable. I missed Sox and Norma, my adopted parents. No, I realized that wasn’t right, they had become my real parents. I had been given a great gift and had thrown it all away in a fit of anger. And there was my brother Steve, who I missed, as well as Jennifer even though she was still just a temp.

All those great times I had never experienced while growing up at the orphanage. The Sunday dinners I helped my mom prepare. The times around the dinning room table where we joked, laughed, and communicated as a family. Everything was perfect except for one thing; I had to live my life as a woman. If there was some reason why I had to be Linda Anderson than I could almost accept that fact but there wasn’t. I couldn’t see any reason why the Anderson’s couldn’t have two fine sons and one daughter instead of it being the other way around.

I pulled out my bed and tried to get some sleep. I noticed how hard and uncomfortable the sofa bed was compared to my warm bed at home. It was crazy, but I was missing my old life as Linda Anderson. Of course my life as Linda was over now, I was certain of that. I wondered what kind of punishment the Judge had in-store for me tomorrow.

******************************

I walked into my old office Saturday morning and was somewhat relieved to see it looking the same. It seems Judge Herns hadn’t replaced me yet. The Judge was sitting at her desk looking at a file. I knocked on the door softly.

"Come in Tom," she said in a business-like fashion without looking up.

I did so and timidly took a seat in front of her. She continued with her paper work for a minute before removing her glasses and glancing up at me.

"I have something for you." She pushed forward an envelope from the file she was holding. I picked it up and opened it up. There was a check written to Tom McClain for $37,000 dollars.

"Your Honor?" I questioned.

"It’s your net worth before coming here. Since Cynthia Bennett has now been exposed as an imposter, she couldn’t have signed the Jensen house over to you. It’s a legal nightmare I sure. Your double has decided to give back what he received from the sale of the house without a fight. With your personal effects and money you earned from investing, it comes up close to that amount. I rounded it up to keep things simple.

"I don’t understand?" I said really confused. "What are you going to do to punishment me?"

"I’m not punishing you," she said while looking back down at her paperwork. "I’m granting your request, desire, whatever you want to call it, to return to being Tom McClain. There’s a box underneath your desk; I’m giving you 15 minutes to pack your things and leave."

I sat there stunned, this didn’t seem right.

"No punishment?" I asked just to be sure.

"I didn’t say that," she spoke without taking her eyes off what she was doing. "I’ve found that humans have a way of punishing themselves for things they do in life. I’m sure you won’t be any different from the others. Go now, I have work to do."

I got up slowly, wanting to say something and not knowing what. I was expecting, maybe even hoping she would lash out at me and we could clear the air. Instead she had given me what I had been bellyaching for all these months – to be a man again. So why did it feel like I was walking away from paradise?

"What about the Anderson’s?" I wanted to know.

"They don’t know you Tom. You will not try to contact them since you’ve disrupted their lives enough this week. The clock is ticking, I suggest you get to work on cleaning out your things." She didn’t even give me the courtesy of a stare when talking to me.

"June, please! Don’t be mad at me," I pleaded.

She laid down her pen and looked up at me painfully. "I’m not mad at you Tom, I’m disappointed. I still care about you – and I wish you the best. But I can’t seem to provide what’s best for you here. So in a few months – after this Cynthia and Keith Bennett thing dies down – you’ll be free to leave Andersonville for whatever life you think will make you happy. It’s apparent you’re not happy here as Linda."

"Why June?" I questioned sadly. "Why can’t I be a part of the Anderson’s family as another son? Why did I have to become a girl?

"Do you really want to know Tom?" she asked crossing her arms and leaning back in her seat.

"Yes, I do," I pleaded. "Pete Atkins said my leaving disrupted the flow around here. I want to know what he meant. I want to know why my being here as Linda Anderson was so damn important to everyone?"

"Very well then, I’ll show you. Officer Merrick," she called out. The cop appeared at the door.

"Please get her for me." He nodded without saying a word as if this had been pre-arranged. "Sit down Tom, this will only take a moment."

I did as she asked and a minute later Officer Merrick came back and said, "She’s here Your Honor."

"Let her come in," the Judge said sadly. A young woman entered into the room with a sad expression on her face. It was Linda Anderson.

"Is this him," she asked. I found myself getting angry.

"Yes Linda," Judge Herns said, "this was your replacement."

"What is this?" I almost shouted. "Is she a temp?"

"Does she look like a temp," the Judge said in a sad but stern voice. I realize that she didn’t. The young lady – Miss Linda Anderson – was transparent enough that I could see right through her. Yet I could make out who she was, and she looked just the way I used to look.

"Why Tom," she asked in a sad tone. "Didn’t you like my parents?"

"She doesn’t have much time here Tom," Judge Herns told me. "I suggest you talk to her first and then I’ll answer your questions later."

"Are you really Linda Anderson?" I asked a little skeptical. The ghost nodded her head.

"Can you please answer my question Tom?" She seemed concern about what my answer would be.

"I love them very much Linda! You don’t know how much of a blessing they’ve been in my life." She smiled but only slightly.

"Then why did you leave them?" she asked in a confused tone.

"I – I made a mistake – a big one. But I never wanted to hurt them – or you."

"I believe you Tom," she said softly. "My parents are wonderful people and I love them so much. What you’re being asked to do isn’t easy but the rewards that my parents and I – and even yourself will get from all this is worth the struggle. Please believe me, I’m speaking the truth."

I felt tears forming in my eyes. "I believe you." She gave me a warm smile – for a ghost anyway.

"I’m getting cold Your Honor," she told the judge with a slight frown.

"Officer Merrick will take you back now my child." Mark stepped over next to her and smiled slightly.

"Linda," I asked before she left. "Are you happy?" For some reason it seemed like an odd question to ask but I had to know.

"Yes Tom, I’m very happy in the afterlife – but I feel incomplete. I was hoping you would fix that for me. If you see my parents again, please show them how much you love them. They’re worth it." She smiled and went out the door holding onto Officer Merrick’s hand. I sat there shaking.

"Now do you understand why we couldn’t give the Anderson’s two sons?" June Herns questioned.

"Because somehow her soul was attached to mine – as Al’s is attached to Steve Anderson?"

"Correct," she replied in cold and businesslike tone. "Keeping you a male wouldn’t have helped her feel complete – or the 351 other souls that were attached to you. And while I did block out certain memories that the Anderson’s had, I couldn’t block out the fact that they had two daughters and one son. They’re not temps who can be programmed like the other parents here. And since Al Parker had already been promised to be turned back into a male, you had to become either Linda or Jennifer Anderson. Since you were less compatible with Jennifer’s life, Linda Anderson was the only option left to keep the four of you together."

I nodded and asked, "what did the real Linda Anderson mean by feeling incomplete?"

"Just what she meant Tom. Linda is happy in heaven. The afterlife is wonderful because there isn’t any bitterness or anger in the soul – only the love remains. But in some cases, the soul doesn’t feel complete when it gets there. We call them ‘lost souls’."

"So all these people here in Andersonville, they’re reflections of people who have died?"

"Yes. Every citizen in Andersonville – real and temps – died before their time. Some in accidents, some because of disease, and some from the hands of others. They all have their stories. Most however go on without any problems while others, like the Anderson children, do not."

"But if heaven is so wonderful, how can they feel incomplete?"

"Look at your own life Tom," Judge Herns explained. "In your case it was the lack of parents that makes you feel that way. In the back of your mind you know that you missed out on something that other kids had. Linda feels the same way. Before Mr. White got his hands on Linda she was a virgin. She had never felt the warm embrace of two bodies becoming one. She would never feel the happiness of walking down the isle as a bride or the joy of seeing her baby crying in her arms right after being born. She would never feel the things a young woman feels that makes life wonderful."

"So she feels everything I do?"

"No," Judge Herns stated. "All the bad emotions are blocked out, only the positive one’s reach her. And from your computer report that’s only about 43% of the time. I can’t justify returning you back into her body."

"Why not just bring them all back?" I asked. "If they’re cold just raise their body temperature."

"It’s not the lack of body heat that makes them cold," Judge Herns explained. "It’s the attitude of the world that makes them feel this way; and it gets colder every year. Once you reach the warm light of God you never want to leave it."

"You’re – you’re an angel? I gasped.

"What I am is none of your business Tom! I gave you your answer now go finish packing." Judge Herns gave me a look that showed she meant business.

I got up and walked out to my desk. There wasn’t really much stuff that belonged to me – a Seattle Seahawks cup and a few other odds and ends. The rest belonged to the next person who would become Linda Anderson. I picked up the box and walked out into the hallway. Inside I felt miserable – not only for myself but also for Dennis Butz, Judge Herns, the real Linda Anderson, and the other 351 lost souls I hadn’t met. I had let them all down.

I stopped walking and thought, ‘What the hell was I doing?’ I couldn’t leave; I didn’t want to leave. I wasn’t going to be happy knowing what I had done. I turned and went back to see the Judge. She was still sitting at her desk doing some paper work. I went in and stood in front of her desk.

"Judge," I said stiffly. "Please turn me back into Linda Anderson."

"No," Judge Herns replied sternly, not even looking up when she said it. "Now leave me alone."

I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. I never thought she would turn down my request.

"I sorry," I begged! "I really am June. Read my mind – read my heart. I’m really, really sorry about what I did."

"As I said before," she pointed out sternly while continuing to stare at her work, "your numbers don’t justify it. Turning you back into Linda doesn’t fix the problem.

"I’ll try harder," I pleaded. "Give me another chance!"

She looked up at me with an angry stare and asked, "do you know what your brother’s rate is? Almost 89% and that’s including losing Sally Johnston for a second time in his life. And don’t tell me it’s because he’s a male – Al Parker has his own problems to deal with being Steve Anderson. Becoming Linda isn’t your problem MISTER! You want everything Linda Anderson has while remaining Tom McClain. Well it doesn’t work that way in this town Tom; you can’t have it BOTH ways! You either get the dream life you desire or the reality that you find is lacking but you don’t get BOTH!" Judge Herns started picking up steam as she continued.

"You thought being Linda Anderson was some sort a punishment. As it turns out it was one of the greatest gifts you’d ever received. Dennis Butz could have separated you from the others when you got here but instead he insisted all of you stayed together. He wanted you to have your dream Tom! To have the Anderson’s as your real parents and Al as your real brother. He did this knowing your capability rate with Linda wasn’t very high but he didn’t want to separate you from the others. It cost him plenty with Judge Jasper to insure that this was done but he did it willingly for YOUR BENEFIT TOM! All this time you thought Dennis Butz had you turned into Linda Anderson because he wanted you to be sad and miserable? But now you know the truth, and it’s not as cynical as you imagined." I stood in silence hoping it was over but she had more to say to me.

"I treated you as one of my own children Tom." There was a painful look on her face when she said the words. "Do you know how much it hurts me inside to be treated this way? I refused to let you leave and search for your friend’s killer for your own good – not because I’m cruel or wanted to upset you more; and not because I wanted to deny you your right to be free. I knew this little hunt would consume you in the end and I couldn’t bear watching that happen."

"I didn’t know June," I sniffed quietly. "Why couldn’t you have told me all this in the beginning when I first arrived?"

Judge Herns got up from her seat and stood in front of me. "Knowledge, without the maturity to use it wisely – is very dangerous," she said forcefully. "You weren’t ready to know then – nor are you really ready to know now. But I thought you should know the ‘real truth’ Tom. I thought you should know that we did what we did out of love, not because we’re uncaring or don’t understand! We understand all to well.

"Tom," she said in a slightly less angry tone. "You’re a misguided individual with great promise. I was hopping you would come around and accept this new life we gave you; but I can see we were wrong. And you don’t know how much I wish I wasn’t wrong."

"Please," I pleaded while fighting back the tears that were starting to well up in my eyes. "I was an idiot. I’ll do anything to be changed back into Linda Anderson! I WANT TO BE HER AGAIN!"

"You say that now Tom," she said with a stern look, "but in a week or two it’ll be back to business as usual with you. Look at you Tom! Being Linda all these months hasn’t changed you at all. You can’t even be up front with your emotions to me. You want to cry but you won’t. Women cry but men don’t – isn’t that right Tom. When it comes right down to it, you really want to be Tom McClain even if you are miserable inside."

"No!" I cried falling down on my knees. "I want to be happy – I want to be loved. I don’t want to be alone anymore! I’m so tired of feeling alone." I started sobbing hysterically on my knees and continued for a couple of minutes. Then I felt a warm hand touch me on the shoulder.

"You have to be sure my child." I looked up at Judge Herns with tears falling down my face.

"It won’t be easy your Honor," I answered wiping my eyes. "I’m not comfortable with everything that’s expect out of me. But I swear I’ll do my best."

"You’ll have to do better then that," Judge Herns said while lifting me to my feet. "Dr. Green and I will help you out the best we can but only you can make that final jump into womanhood. And you’ll have to be punished for your latest action. You’ll have to see Dr. Green every day after work and there will be some strict restrictions placed on you. And I would also be assigning you community service like your brother.

"What does he have to do," I sniffed. I hadn’t even thought about how much trouble he was in.

"I gave him 200 hours of community service at a nearby hospital mopping floors and cleaning out bedpans."

"So – I would be working there with him?" A thin smile appeared on the Judges lips.

"What kind of punishment would that be having the two of you work together. No, I’ve got something else in mind for you. Not only will you be serving the community, but it will also help you in your quest to become a young lady. It just so happens one of my associates is opening up a new business in Andersonville soon. If you stay I’ll being signing you up."

"What – what kind of business is it?" I asked nervously. Her smile faded as quickly as it came.

"It doesn’t matter now – does it Tom? Because I still haven’t decided what to do here." She looked at me sternly again. "So tell me, why should I turn you back? Give me one good reason!"

"Isn’t that what Andersonville is all about June," I responded weakly. "Second chances?"

A slight smile appeared on her lips. "Yes Tom, I guess it is. Then her look became stern again. "You can never mention what you saw or what we talked about today to anyone – including your brother. And if you ever try to leave like this again Tom…" she threatened.

"I won’t June, I promise."

She nodded her head slightly while continuing to look at me with her intense eyes. "I hope you’re telling me the truth. Stand still please." Judge Herns closed her eyes and raised up her hands.

**********************************

I stepped outside into the cold air. The wind was blowing strongly and trying to lift up the short skirt I was wearing. But despite the annoyance I was happy to be here. Being Linda wasn’t so bad – and not being her was even worse. It wasn’t going to be easy being a woman, but not having the Anderson’s to lean on when I needed them would have made my life unbearable. I said a small prayer for the real Linda and promised to do as many things as I could to make her happy in the afterlife.

"Hello Linda," said Dennis. He was sitting on the steps waiting for me. He seemed generally happy to see me standing there as I once was.

"Dennis," I smiled widely back at him. "I owe you a lot, more then I realized before."

"The Judge told you about Linda, didn’t she?" he asked half smiling.

"Yes – and also everything you did for me. How can I thank you?"

He walked over to where I was standing and whispered, "be happy." Then he gave me a warm smile and started walking back down the courthouse steps.

"Dennis," I called out. He turned to look back at me. "Where are you going?"

"I’m still on vacation, remember?" he grinned. "I flying back to LA and then catching an Air Force jet to Hawaii at noon."

"But that will mean at least a two hour wait between flights."

"It can’t be helped," he frowned raising his hands.

"How about having breakfast with me, this time it’s my treat!"

He smiled. "That’s the best offer I’ve had all week. Let’s go." He turned to walk with me.

"Aren’t you forgetting something?" I said while giving him a funny look.

"What?" he replied puzzled.

"Your arm sir," I answered grabbing it with my hand. "I thought you were a gentleman."

Dennis laughed loudly and led the way to the restaurant.

Fade out…

 

© 2001
The above work is copyrighted material. Anyone wishing to copy, archive, or re-post this story must contact the author for permission.