Andersonville 17 - Childhood

by: Kelly Davidson

 

Fade in…The town of Andersonville

Larry Smith, Bill Maxwell, and Steve Anderson walked across the school grounds. They didn’t have football practice today, but that didn’t stop the boys from pursuing other types of sports. They were heading for the park to shoot some hoops. The three of them looked like a group of typical teenage boys, but there was nothing typical about them, or for that matter, anyone else in Andersonville.

"Is Sally going to meet us there?" Larry asked. Larry had been born a male, but had been turned into his sister, Cynthia Bennett, by his mother. Judge Herns had corrected the problem and since then he had adjusted well to his new life in Andersonville. In fact he was the star fullback on the football team.

"After cheerleading practice," Steve smiled at the thought of his one true love. He couldn’t wait until he turned 18 and they could get married – finally.

"I hope Cindy comes with her," Larry grinned. "Boy, would I love to spend time with her."

"But she’s a temp," Bill pointed out quietly

"So what Grizzly, she gorgeous," Larry laughed.

"There’s more to girls than just good looks," Bill pointed out defensively, remembering what it had been like to be ugly and unpopular. Nicknamed Grizzly by his friends, Bill was bigger than most boys his age. He was also shy and somewhat backward in his social graces. Of course a large part of this was due to the fact he had been born a girl, and had lived on the outside of the social circle. Because of his size, he was a natural for the football team. In fact he turned out to be a pretty good offensive lineman. He could take out two players with one block, and was a monster on the field. Off the field he was perhaps the gentlest giant you would ever meet.

"Hey Grizzly, cut me some slack," Larry replied. "I’ve never been so popular before in all my life. I’m not like Stevie here! Quarterbacks are always popular."

"Only when they win games," Steve countered. "Especially when they win games against arch rival teams, like Peace River. I really want revenge for what they did to us last year."

"With Grizzly here, how can we lose?" Larry replied slapping Bill on the back. "He’s going to knock me out a hole so big in their line that I’ll be able to drive my pickup truck through it." That earned Larry a smile from the linebacker, who felt good about being appreciated. "By the way, is Linda going to be home this weekend?"

"Naw," Steve replied. "She has to work this Saturday. I can’t wait until she’s done with her assignment in Peace River. Speaking of assignments, have you started that science paper yet, Grizzly?"

But Bill wasn’t listening. He had stopped to look at something. Steve and Larry turned to see what had their friend so interested. The something turned out to be a young girl named Peggy Wilson. She was walking home alone, her books held against her chest and her head tilted slightly downward. Peggy looked unhappy, but then Bill had noticed she always looked that way. He felt compassion for her.

"Forget her, man," Larry said to his best friend. "She wants nothing to do with guys, especially ‘studs’ like ourselves."

"Maybe she’s just lonely," Bill replied quietly.

"Grizzly," Steve interjected, "Peggy has problems, more than you can imagine."

"Besides buddy," Larry added, "Wendy has a crush on you. Why work for something when you don’t have to?"

"Have you ever thought that there are more important things in life than sex?" Bill replied in one of his rare, angry moments.

"Hey Grizzly, I’m sorry," Larry back-stepped. "I was only joking. If you like her, go talk to her."

"Maybe I will."

"Bill," Steve intervened, "you can’t save the world. I know you feel sorry for her. Hell, so do I. But not being part of the crowd is Peg’s choice, not ours. Believe me, I’ve tried to get her involved in things but she always turns me down. She wants to be anti-social."

"Look guys, go on ahead," Bill told them. "I’ll catch up with you later."

"Okay buddy," Steve and Larry replied. Both boys wished him luck and continued on their way.

Bill gathered up his courage and started jogging in Peggy’s direction. He had never been very good at meeting new people in the past. Being Shannon Royal, a fat ugly girl with few friends had put a big dent in his self-confidence. On the other hand, living now as Bill Maxwell had opened up new avenues, and the young man found his self-esteem growing each day. He seemed to make friends with ease. However, the young man knew that Peggy Wilson would be a challenge to gain her trust.

"Hi," he called out to the teenager in a friendly, inviting tone.

"I’m not interested in boys, so get lost," Peggy replied rather rudely and without bothering to look to see who it was.

"Hey, what a coincidence. I’m not interested in boys either," Bill proclaimed. Peggy ignored his comment and kept walking. "So, what do you like to do for fun, Peggy?"

"Didn’t you hear me, I said I’m not interested."

"Yea, I heard you, but I really don’t think you mean that."

"Well I do!" Peggy snapped back as she continued walking. "Look, I know who I am, or who I used to be before coming here. I may have to live like this, but I don’t have to be happy about it. You can tell Dr. Green I’m not going to play her games with you ‘temps’, have you got that?"

"I’m not a temp," Bill replied. Peggy stopped and looked carefully into his eyes.

"So you’re not," she grunted and continued walking. "You’re just some guy looking for a cheep thrill. Well you won’t find it here, pal. Leave me alone."

"Look Peggy, I want to help," Bill explained. "I understand what you’re going through. I remember everything about my past life too."

Peggy stopped walking and faced him again. "Are you unhappy with your current life?" she demanded to know.

"Well, no," Grizzly admitted freely. "I actually like being Bill."

"Then we have ‘nothing’ in common," Peggy replied walking away.

"But I want to help!" Bill exclaimed following her.

"Fine, you want to help?" Peggy stated. "Find a way to turn me back into a man."

"If I could I would," Bill replied. "Look Peggy, I understand how you feel because I was a girl once."

"Great!" Peggy stopped to roll her eyes at him. "So because of that you think you’re qualified to help me out. Well I’m not interested, pal. I already have Dr. Green trying to fill my head with that ‘acceptance’ crap. I don’t need to hear it from you too!"

"Peggy please, give me five minutes!" Bill pleaded. "I know what it’s like to feel this way. Before coming here I was lonely and didn’t feel like I belonged. Can’t we at least be talk about it?"

"Why?" she barked. "How is talking to you going to be any different than talking to Dr. Green?"

"Because she’s talking to you as your psychologist," Bill pointed out. "I’ll be talking to you as your friend."

Peggy stood there for a moment biting her lip. One of the reasons why she wasn’t happy was because she didn’t have anyone else to talk to openly besides Dr. Green; and she didn’t like Dr. Green that much. Everyone else she knew was either a temp or didn’t remember their past.

"No funny stuff?" she asked suspiciously. "Just friends?"

"Just friends," Bill reassured her. "Come on, I’ll buy you a coke."

Peggy nodded and they walked off together. From a distance Judge Herns watched them leave. She smiled. The Judge had been worried about Peggy’s unhappy state for some time. In Peace River she would’ve interfered by now; usually by having Cupid, Venus, or one of her other associates talk to her. But Dennis Butz's rules of running Andersonville didn’t allow her that option. There were advantages to this rule she supposed, but it meant that a person could remain unhappy for months, even years. Now that Bill Maxwell was her friend, only good things could come from this. Maybe their friendship would blossom into something more. Judge Herns hoped it would.

Looking at her watch June Herns sighed. There was still much work to be done today. She picked up her things off the bench and headed back to the courthouse.

Fade out…

***************************************

Voice of Judge Jasper – We are the Roman Gods, who fell to your world long ago when your people were still learning how to crawl. We have guided you through the years, rewarded you for good deeds, and punished you when needed. With our leadership, we helped you defeat the Titans in a terrible but glorious war. Once your path was set, we went to sleep, waiting for the day you would reach for the stars and take us home. But the Titans interfered, and turned you away from your destiny. When we awoke, we found much work to do; so we established a base and called it Peace River.

The Titans, with our help, established their own base later on. It’s a town where we can work together, a last ditch effort to avoid another war that may destroy the human race forever. Some would like to see the town and your people destroyed, others would like to see it work – to have peace at last. There is much hatred between our people, and the road ahead won’t be easy but the rewards if we do are great. The name of this last chance for peace is called Andersonville.

*****************************************

Andersonville 17 – Childhood

By Kelly Davidson

Edited by Nelson T.

This story dedicated to the people of Choices, a battered women and children shelter in Columbus, Ohio.

Fade in…

I was working one of those rare Saturday mornings, not that I minded so much. It was this afternoon that I was dreading. That’s when I would have my first ballet performance in front of a live crowd. It was my punishment for escaping from Andersonville.

‘Actually, it had been my choice,’ I reminded myself. If I had decided to live the rest of my life as Tom McClain, this wouldn’t have happened. I didn’t regret my decision to become Linda Anderson again, but I didn’t rejoice in it either. Both lives offered pluses and minuses. Being Linda came with the Anderson’s, and the monthly periods. Staying as Tom meant being a man, and the struggle of living without a family to fall back on.

No, I knew I had made the right decision to return to living as Linda, unfortunately, it came with a big price tag. Judge Herns had the final ruling on how much it would cost. I wondered if she would be at the recital today. June Herns had become like a second mother to me. Actually, she was more like a wise old grandmother. I didn’t always agree with her views, but I did respect her.

The temperature in the office seemed to dip as I felt the cold, icy stare coming from doorway. I looked up at who it was and smiled; it had been a long time. I had been expected this visit ever since I started working here; I just hadn’t expected her to wait so long.

"Hello Tracy," I smile pleasantly. "How’s Judge Jasper’s little girl doing today?"

"You son of a bitch!" she hissed. Coming from a 6-year-old it didn’t sound right, but then she wasn’t really six years old. Tracy was Gerald Rogers, an ex-bodyguard of Dr. Jensen. Together they had turned my best friend, Al Parker, into Jennifer Anderson. Judge Jasper had in turn transformed Jennifer into Steve Anderson, my brother, to straighten out the problem. That didn’t mean everything was forgiven or forgotten. I still had a score to settle with Gerald.

"My, what a potty-mouth," I exclaimed and held out a sucker I had been saving for this moment. "Why don’t you suck on this for a while, Tracy? Maybe it will ‘sweeten’ up your vocabulary, ‘sweetie’!" I grinned real big to rub it in.

"What the ‘fuck’ are you so happy about?" she glared. "You’re a man trapped in a girls body just like I am."

"Yes, but I’m a big girl," I teased. "I’m also Linda Anderson because I choose to be."

"Faggot!" he spatted out.

"You call me a "Faggot", yet you’re the one who was having sex with my brother," I pointed out with a smile.

"He was a girl at the time!" Tracy responded angrily

"Was he, sweetie?" I countered. "You’re a girl, aren’t you? Yet somehow you insist that your not, just like Steve did when he was Jennifer. So I fail to see the difference."

My logic infuriated the ex-god, and I chucked silently as she struggled to think of something to say in her defense. I took that lapse to observe how Tracy was dressed. She was wearing a light, pink dress with a few bows and ribbons to make it stand out as being slightly fancy. A pair black, Mary Jane shoes adorned her feet, and she had a pink ribbon in her hair. All in all, she looked very cute and sweet, and I could tell she was miserable dressed this way. Knowing that only made me happier. Gerald had brutally raped my friend for months; no punishment could be too hard for him.

"Just once I’ll like to put you in my shoes," she growled.

"They’re a little too cute for me," I grinned. "I prefer grownup shoes little girl."

"Up yours!"

"Not in this lifetime," I laughed.

Tracy was searching for something else to say when Diane walked into the room. She gave me a stern glare and grabbed Tracy’s hand like an older sister grabbing that of an unruly child.

"Tracy, what did I tell you about coming here?" she scolded her. "Didn’t I tell you not to visit father when ‘she’ was here!" Diane had made it known several times that she didn’t like my company. Personally, I found the feeling mutual, despite her reconciliation with my brother.

"I had to see her for myself," Tracy commented angrily. "I want to see my father, Miss ‘Andersonville’."

"It’s Miss Anderson, little girl," I prodded. "And the judge is rather busy today. Why don’t you go home and play with your dolls – I’m sure they’re wondering where you’re at."

My comment angered Diane. She gave me scowled look and said, "Don’t treat my brother like a…"

"Little girl?" I finished for her standing my ground. "In case you forgotten, Tracy was the one who came here to taunt me. Don’t blame me if she came looking for trouble and found it."

"What’s going on here?" Judge Jasper’s voice boomed out. He wasn’t any happier about working on Saturday than I was, but it had been necessary. Officer Deimos had delivered two people that morning to be converted. Tired from the event, the Judge wasn’t in a very good mood.

Immediately everyone started talking at once. Frustrated by what he heard, or couldn’t hear, he held out his hands and told us to be quiet. Then he asked Tracy what was going on.

"Linda Anderson was being mean and teasing me," she replied with fake tears to win his sympathy.

"That’s not true, Your Honor," I countered. "She came in here looking for trouble. She was the one doing the teasing."

"All I heard was Tracy asking you if she could see her father," Diane interjected. "You were the one causing all the trouble." Immediately we all started shouting again.

"ENOUGH!" Judge Jasper exploded. "Tracy, sit down in that chair and don’t you move ‘little girl’. Diane, Linda – in my office NOW!"

Diane followed me in and closed the door.

"Sit down, Linda," Judge Jasper ordered. I did as he commanded; knowing it was suicide not to. Diane chose to stand by the door.

"You know, Miss Anderson," he started out. "I understand your history with my son – um, I mean my daughter. Yes, I admit she did some very terrible things to your friend, Al Parker. However, that doesn’t give you the right to torment Tracy and make her situation worse. Her punishment is bad enough."

"But Your Honor, she started it," I protested. "She called me a son of a bitch."

"You’re older, and I’m not talking years but maturity," he replied frowning. "And how many times have you called me a SOB?" He stopped to let that sink in before continuing. "You didn’t treat Tracy like this when she was your daughter. Why the change?"

"She was nicer," I told him. "I had control over her moments, and didn’t allow her to talk to me or anyone else like that. As for her punishment being bad enough, I have to disagree with you, Judge. I regret what I did in the past, but Tracy doesn’t. Yet, we’re both serving the same punishment."

"In that case then you should try to work together," he stated. "Find a common ground and try to understand how the other feels. And I disagree with you, Miss Anderson. Tracy’s punishment is much worse than yours."

"I fail to see how that could be, Your Honor."

Judge Jasper frowned and walked over to the window to look outside. Staring out at the town seemed to help him think. Suddenly his frown was replaced by thin smile. This change in his demeanor caused me to shiver in fear. I had seen that look before, and knew no good could come from it. I should’ve kept my mouth shut when I had the chance.

"You know Miss Anderson, I’ve done you a grave injustice," he said with a small smirk. I noticed Diane reacted the same way, as if she knew where this was leading.

"What do you mean, judge?" I asked nervously.

"Throwing you into adult womanhood without allowing you to experience what it’s like being a young girl."

"I don’t – don’t think that’s a mis-justice, Your Honor. I don’t feel like I missed anything."

"How could you?" he questioned softly. "You wouldn’t know what you’ve missed by not experiencing it. Yes, a grave injustice indeed."

"Really Judge, I don’t see it that way," I stood and tried to make my way to the door but Diane stepped in front of me and blocked my path.

"You’re just saying that because you don’t know any better," Judge Jasper went on. "Yes, I think I need to fix that, Miss Anderson. Stand still for me please."

I found myself doing what he asked despite not wanting to. Carefully the Judge went through his motions, raising his hands in front of him and muttering some words. Immediately I found myself shrinking in size and my clothes changing. My long, flowing skirt rose up and became shorter while turning pink. It looked to be an outfit similar to the one Tracy was wearing. My shoes transformed into a pair of black Mary Jane’s. My hair shifted, and I felt at least two ribbons attaching themselves to my hair. Then the changes stop and I found myself looking up at both Judge Jasper and Diane.

I lifted the skirt of my short dress with both hands and sighed with reluctance acceptance. "I suppose there’s no way I can talk you out of this, is there." Judge Jasper actually cracked an understanding smile.

"Not a chance," he stated. "Don’t feel too bad, Linda. This situation won’t last more then a day. When we think you’re ready, you’ll be returned back to your regular age." Then he became serious. "Linda, I’m not trying to punish you. However, I believe it’s important you see things from Gerald’s perspective for a while. Diane, please take good care of little Linda today."

"With pleasure," she grinned humorously. "Come on Linda, I have a full day planned for you two ‘girls’."

She grabbed my hand and pulled me out the door. When Tracy/Gerald saw me she started laughing. I felt my anger rise, and wanted to bust her in the chops.

"Oh wow, you look way cuter than you did before," he tittered. "How does it feel to be all dressed up as sugar and spice and everything nice?"

"As cute as I may look," I explained, "I can’t compare to you, Tracy. You look so natural dressed that way."

"Oh yea!" she shot back. Quickly, Diane intervened.

"Now ‘Girls’," she giggled. "I expect both of you to be on your best behavior. You will act like good ‘little girls’ and not fight or cause me any trouble. I won’t hesitate to spank you in public if I need to. Isn’t that right, Tracy?" I saw my former adversary cringe. Diane continued.

"Good. Just remember that I’m in charge. Now, both of you grab a hand so you don’t get lost."

I took her left hand and Tracy took her right. Diane smiled at the control she had over us and walked us to her car.

"Where are we going, Diane?" I asked.

"It’s Aunt Diane, Linda," she corrected. "Today, you’ll be Tracy’s cousin visiting from out of town. To answer you question; we’re going shopping to buy some things for Tracy's dance recital this afternoon. Now come along both of you, and make sure you smile at everyone. I want everyone to know what sweet ‘girls’ I’m helping to raise."

She kept emphasizing the word "girls" as if to mock us, but that really didn’t bother me much. I was happy knowing Tracy would be performing this afternoon and I was not. It hadn’t occurred to me that Tracy had been signed up for the class, since Mrs. Marshall taught the children’s class at a different time of the day than the adults. Since the children had a different routine, and I was no longer a grownup thanks to Judge Jasper, I wouldn’t have to perform. As an added bonus, I would get to sit and watch Tracy prance around on stage. Being turned into a 6-year-old wasn’t the worse thing that had happened to me this day.

Diane drove us to a clothing store that catered to young children. After making sure our dresses were straight, she hustled us both inside. A young and charming woman greeted us at the door.

"Good morning, Diane, good morning, Tracy. Who’s your friend?" she asked in a pleasant manner.

"This is our cousin from Andersonville. Isn’t she cute?" Diane added with a wink.

"Both girls are," the woman agreed. If she knew whom Tracy and I really was she didn’t let on.

"I have to pick up some tights for my sisters recital this afternoon," Diane explained. "Since we’re here, you don’t mind if we look around, do you, Marge?"

"Of course not," the saleslady responded. "In fact I got some new dresses in last week that I thought Tracy would look adorable in."

"Isn’t that wonderful," Diane replied, playing her part as an older sister to the hilt. "Tracy is always so excited about trying on new dresses, isn’t that right, sis?"

Tracy looked down at the ground and fidgeted slightly. I could tell she was embarrassed about answering.

"I said, isn’t that right, sister?" Diane repeated, this time a little more forcefully.

"Yes, that is correct, Diane" Tracy responded as if the line had been rehearsed. "I just love trying on pretty clothes."

I almost started laughing, but held back. However, it didn’t stop me from making a loud gasping sound that caused both Tracy and Diane to glare at me. In Diane’s case, her glare quickly turned to an evil grin.

"Linda likes dressing up in ‘pretty’ clothes too," she explained to the saleswoman. "Perhaps you can find something for her to try on as well."

"I have just the dress," the saleslady responded with great enthusiasm. "Follow me, girls."

I hesitated for a moment, but the look on Diane’s face indicated that I better obey the other woman’s command. The saleslady led us over to a rack of frilly dresses in different colors. That’s when I got my first good look at the new me. I was a much younger version of myself, well Linda Anderson, with two pigtails tied up with pink ribbons. The dress was similar to the one Tracy was wearing, with maybe just a few less ruffles and bows. Okay, even I had to admit I looked cute for a 6-year-old.

Marge started shifting through the dresses looking for the right size. For Tracy she pulled out a pink outfit that was covered from ribbons and bows. Tracy cringed knowing she was going to have to try it on in front of me. The saleslady pulled out the same dress only in royal blue. I wasn’t anymore pleased about it than Tracy was.

"Okay girls, there’s a changing room in back," she said while pushing us in that general direction. The changing area turned out to be an 8’ by 10’ room with a curtain over the doorway. It appeared that Tracy and I were going to change in the same room.

Marge helped us out of our old dresses and into the new ones. Okay, I wasn’t thrilled about the idea of trying it on, but Tracy was even less thrilled. Seeing her standing there looking total bewildered by the dress made me feel just a little better inside. As bad as it was for me, it was worse for her. I knew that was a cruel thing to think, but Tracy/Gerald deserved to be miserable for what he had done to my friend.

Diane poked her head in through the door and smiled. Quickly she dropped down to her knees and started straighten up the bows on our dresses – telling us how cute we looked. In fact both woman started to fuss with us like we were live-size dolls.

"What do you think?" Marge asked cheerfully.

"They’re angels," Diana cooed. "We’ll take both outfits. What else do you have – I’m in a buying mood." Tracy moaned and for once I agreed with her.

*****************************

Two hours and ten outfits later, Tracy and I exited the store wearing the same fancy dresses we had first tried on. A group of ladies walked by and each one gave us a favoring smile. I pulled down on the skirt of my blue dress that seemed to be several inches too short.

"Linda, stop that," Diane chastised. "That’s not how a proper young girl acts."

"But this dress feels like it barely covers my butt," I complained.

"So what?" she smile. "Are you afraid someone will see your pretty panties?" This time it was Tracy’s turn to laugh. Diane quickly stepped in and rebuked her as well.

"Okay you two. For being such good little ‘girls’, I’m going to take you out to lunch. Hold my hand while we cross the street."

I felt ridiculous having to act like a 6-year-old. Meanwhile Diane was milking Tracy and my discomfort for everything she could. We walked over to the Peace River Diner that was already crowded with the noontime crowd. A rather busty young waitress smiled and waved when she saw us come in.

"Hi Diane. Are you here for lunch?"

"Yes, we are, Sandy," she smiled. "Me, Tracy, and our visiting cousin, little Linda."

"Why hello Linda," Sandy said cheerfully. "My, what pretty dresses you girls have on today."

"What do you say, girls?" Diane asked when we didn’t respond.

"Thank you," Tracy and I replied without much enthusiasm. Our waitress laughed as if she understood our feelings and led us to an open table. Diane was given a regular menu while our waitress handed us a kid’s menu and crayons to draw with. I notice the waitress seemed to be eyeing me carefully as she took our order.

"Well girls, are we having fun yet or what?" Diane grinned. Tracy didn’t respond. She had picked up a crayon and was drawing a picture of a plane crashing into the side of a mountain. Diane noticed the picture and frowned deeply.

"Tracy! What did I tell you about drawing pictures like that?" she scolded. "Draw something nice, like a teddy bear."

"I don’t want to," she almost whined. "I’m tired of this, sister. Why are you doing this to me? Why do you have to continue to treat me like a little girl?"

"Because," she hissed in a low tone, "it’s for your own good. You put yourself in this spot young lady!"

"I didn’t do it," Tracy answered angrily and pointed at me. "He was the one who turned me into this, this person. Why won’t father turn me into who I really am?"

"Tracy, this neither the time nor place to go over this ‘again’. Now stop your whining or I’ll punish you – and you know what that means!"

Tracy hung her head in defeat and started drawing a picture of a unicorn. I sat there partially amazed over what had transpired. Diane had actually blamed Gerald for his predicament, not me. I knew she disliked me greatly although I never really understood why. In the past she had always been very defensive when it came to her brother. To see her blame Tracy/Gerald for her current situation was a first.

"Go on Linda, draw something," Diane half-encouraged while taking a sip of her coke. I picked up a crayon and began sketching a picture of a deer in the woods. By the time I was done our lunch had arrived.

I had ordered chicken planks, which were four skinny pieces of deep-fried meat that didn’t look anything like chicken. Tracy’s food looked similar, except it was made out of lamb meat. We both dug in and ate in silence, while Diane ate a salad and stared out at the traffic going by. A couple of times she cautioned Tracy about her table manners, and how little girls didn’t eat that way. Tracy gave her an ugly glare but didn’t dare say a word back.

Our waitress checked on us a couple of times, giving me what I thought was a more concerned stare than others around us. After a quick trip to the bathroom, Diane paid the bill and hurried us out the door.

The dance studio parking lot was already packed with cars when we showed up. After grabbing Tracy’s costume from the trunk, we went inside to find Mrs. Marshall. Venus was standing on the stage calmly directing people to their places. When she saw us, or rather me, there was a look of surprise on her face. Apparently no one had bothered to tell her about my current change.

"Hi Vickie, how is it going?" Diane asked.

"It’s going well," she responded while looking at me curiously. "Is this – Linda?"

"I see no one told you," Diane stated. "Yes, this is Linda. Father thought it would be good if she got to experience life as a little girl for a while."

"I see," Venus smiled slightly. She seemed a little unsure about what to do.

"I’m sorry, Mrs. Marshall," I told her. "I was really looking forward to performing today. I guess I can’t now – since I’m not an adult anymore."

"Oh, that’s okay, Linda," Venus replied in a warm, comforting tone. She squatted down and brushed her hands through my hair as if this helped. "I know how disappointed you must be right now. You worked so hard to learn the steps."

"Well, it can’t be helped," I told her in a matter of fact tone. I was trying to act disappointed, but inside I was elated that I wouldn’t be performing in front of Judge Jasper and everyone else.

"Maybe I can fix things," she smiled brightly.

"Uh?"

"Why don’t you perform with the other little girls," she suggested. "I happen to have a extra outfit in the back that I know will fit you." I saw her give Diane a quick wink.

"But – but, I don’t know the routines," I began to protested.

"Oh, I can fix that Linda," she grinned. "You’ve done the practicing, all you have to do learn the new steps. That’s easy for me to fix."

"Isn’t that wonderful, Linda" Diane agreed with a giggle. "You were worried that you wouldn’t be able to perform, and now you can. I bet you’re the happiest little girl here. "

"Oh yea, the happiest," I agreed with a hint of sarcasm. "Somehow, I knew it would work out this way."

"Yes, we try our best," Vickie laughed while taking my hand. "Diane, why don’t you get Tracy ready while I work on Linda. Come on Linda, this way," Venus added sweetly.

Vickie led me to her office and pulled a ballet dress from the closet. True to her word, it looked to be my size. The outfit was pink with a wide tutu that had glitter on the ends. It was even more girlish than the outfit I should’ve been wearing. To add insult to injuries, there was even a set of wings attached to the back.

"This is different from what I was suppose to wear," I told her while pointing at the wings.

"This is a sugar plum fairy outfit," she explained while unzipping my dress. "You’ll be performing between the adult acts. Now, take my hand."

Vickie held out her left hand for me to hold and placed her right hand up to my forehead. She closed her eyes and concentrated. Suddenly instructions poured into my head and I knew the routine. Vickie opened her eyes and pulled her hand away.

"There, that should take care of your problem."

"That was some trick," I told her while rubbing the place where she had placed her hand. For some reason I could still feel her fingers touching my forehead. "Why didn’t you do that earlier, when I was having to learn the steps as an adult?"

"What, and have you miss all the fun?" she smiled while lifting off my dress. "Where would be the challenge in that?"

"I wouldn’t have minded," I replied removing my shoes. "Um, Mrs. Marshall, can I ask you a personal question."

"Well, I normally don’t entertain personal questions from little girls but in your case I’ll make an exception," she giggled. "What is it?"

"Why is it that when you touch me, I’m not affected by your powers like the men are? I noticed it’s the same way with Mr. Cupler. He can influence women in Peace River, but not the men."

"Well, that is a rather personal question," Vickie agreed while helping me into the tights. "I’m not even sure I should tell you the reason. The truth is I could have the same affect on the women if I wanted to, and Mr. Cupler could have the same affect on men. However, for the comfort sake of those who first come here, we decided it was better if we split the work load down the middle by sex."

"But isn’t Mr. Cupler’s job a lot more in demand than yours?"

"Well, I suppose it is. Our new men usually don’t require my extra help for very long. They tend to accept what has happened in a rather short time. I still help out with the women, only I tend to do it behind the scenes so they don’t know." She paused for a moment to help me slip into my outfit and continued.

"I know you think we’re cruel at times, Linda. For example, I bet you think Jupiter is making you dress and behave as a 6-year-old for his personal enjoyment. The truth is, he’s not. We do things like this to teach lessons. We really do care about how the person feels."

"What about the ones brought here who are cut off from their families?" I asked. "Don’t you find that cruel?"

"Yes, I suppose if you look at it that way, it is," Vickie noted. "But in our defense, we don’t take in those who have a family to care for. You won’t find the father or mother of three kids being brought here. The people we choose are struggling with life – or don’t have very long to live. We understand it’s hard enough to have someone step into the shoes of a new person, let alone that of the opposite sex. We don’t want to complicate the situation even farther by bringing in someone who has close ties to other people."

"What about Ashlee Gang? She had close, family ties."

Vickie beamed while placing a set of glittery antennas on top of my head. "I think you know, Linda, that people like you and Ashlee are special to us. It’s unfortunate, but sometimes we have to break our own rules from time to time to serve our needs. But we do our best to make it up to them."

"Vickie, you can’t put a price on freedom," I explained.

"True, but you also have to look at the freedom of other people that the person will affect. Take Ashlee for example. If we hadn’t brought her to Peace River, her lifestyle would’ve indirectly caused the death of a black family. That’s a fact, Linda. Matt Stover was preaching to a young man filled with hate and anger, only the young man didn’t know what to do with it. In time Matt would have given that hate direction and five people, including a two and a four-year-old child, would’ve died in a fiery car crash. Was it wrong to prevent that from happening?"

"No, not when you put it that way," I agreed. "But it still doesn’t sit well with me. What about the others who want to leave? Why don’t you let them go?"

"Well for one they know to much about us to be released," Vickie replied while finishing up.

"But I thought everyone who learned things in Peace River could be made to forget?"

"There is a time limit, Linda, as well as other factors to consider," Vickie answered. "Another reason why we don’t let people go is because we need them here. Of course I can’t tell you why."

"How about giving me a hint?" I suggested. The goddess Venus just laughed at my suggestion.

"There, you look perfect," Vickie said as she looked me over. "I think we should join everyone else now."

The goddess led me backstage then rushed off to do something else. I stood there pawing at my tutu and trying to make sense of Vickie’s answers. She had made a point about Ashlee. What would have happened to Matt Stover if he had been allowed to continue preaching his hate? According to Venus, five people would be dead and Matt wouldn’t be the person he was today. But because the Roman Gods had interfered, he was happy living his life as Ashlee Gang. More important, a family of five was still alive because of their actions. Was that a bad thing?

I knew it wasn’t, yet I couldn’t shake off the fact that it was. The Roman Gods had interfered where they didn’t belong, and Matt Stover had paid the price with his manhood and freedom. Was it justified? Would I have interfered knowing what they knew? If I hadn’t five people would be dead because of my principals. Would that be enough to justify not doing something to prevent their deaths? Okay, I didn’t know them so that made a difference. But supposing it had been Kevin Brown and his family that had been targeted by Matt Stover. Would I have done something then?

Well that was a no brainier, of course I would’ve have. I would’ve made sure he was locked up some place where he could never hurt anyone again. That’s what the Roman Gods did, and yet I had a real problem with this. Why? Because they had made some hard choices that I wasn’t willing to accept responsibility for? The fact that they did and I didn’t made it easier for me to judge them rather than looking at the big picture. Still, the bottom line was they had interfered in our lives. That wasn’t right either.

"Hello Linda," a familiar voice spoke to me. I turned to see June Herns smiling down at me. To my shock, she was holding onto Judge Jasper’s hand. It looked like they were on a date.

"June, what are you doing here?"

She smiled. "I’m here to see you perform of course. You’re looking very cute today."

"Yea, thanks" I muttered with disappointment. So she was here to make fun of me too.

June turned to Judge Jasper and said, "Dear, can you give us a few minutes please. I’ll meet you inside."

"Don’t take to long," he winked and kissed her on the hand. "Remember, we have dinner reservations at Crystals after this. Break a leg, Linda," Judge Jasper said before walking happily away.

"You’re on a DATE!" I gushed.

"Yes, and it’s all your fault," June Herns frowned slightly. She squatted down so we were eye to eye with each other.

"My fault!" I responded. "How is it my fault?"

"Do you remember the letter Stephanie Hall gave Judge Jasper at your trial? What do you think it was about?"

"Well, I don’t know," I replied honestly. "I assumed it was a request to have me shipped back to Andersonville."

"Well you assumed wrong, young lady. We don’t request things, we barter for them. I offered him five dates in exchange for your safe return. Despite the fact that the old goat cheated on me all the time we were married, he still happens to be madly in love me with me. So I made him an offer I knew he wouldn’t refuse. You think you have it bad? All you have to do is perform on stage for him. I have to spend an entire evening putting up with the old goat’s bad jokes and wandering hands.

Her predicament struck a cord with me and I giggled. "I’m sorry June. I know it’s not funny but…but." I couldn’t help it; I started laughing some more.

"Keep it up and I’ll break my deal with him," she said with a stern face. That caused me to stop in horror – and then it was her time to laugh. She reached over and gave me a big hug. "I miss you, Linda."

"I miss you too, June. Peace River is a nice place to visit, but I wouldn’t want to live here. I can’t wait to return."

"Good, I’m glad to hear that," she smiled. "I was afraid I’d be losing my best assistant to the old goat."

"You mean, I could stay if I wanted too?"

"Yes if you wanted," June replied. "I wouldn’t be happy about it, but I would agree to the transfer if that would make you happy. I’ve heard rumors that you and Officer Deimos are a thing now."

"Kind of. We date a lot – and he is a nice guy. Okay, leaving him will be hard, but I don’t think I could live in Peace River for the rest of my life."

Judge Herns patted me on the shoulder and stood up. "I better go before the old goat comes looking for me. You take care now Linda, and be good."

"Eleven more weeks, June. I’ll be back in only eleven more weeks. That’s 77 days."

"I’ll have your desk waiting when you get back. Sally’s doing a wonderful job, but she can’t make decaf coffee the way you do. Good luck out there."

June Herns gave me a parting wave and left. I smiled after she was gone, remembering how much I enjoyed her company. Yes, it would be great to go back home to my old job. Judge Herns was firm but fair. Not that Judge Jasper wasn’t fair, but he handled things in a different fashion. Yes, it would be great to be back home again. I noticed Vickie Marshall walking toward me.

"Are you ready, Linda?" she asked cheerfully.

"I guess, if I must" I told her.

"Cheer up, Linda," she giggled. "It won’t be so bad."

Vickie placed her feminine hands on my back and nudged me toward a pack of little girls dressed the same way I was.

********************************************

The recital lasted over an hour and wasn’t as painful as I thought it would be. Well, it wasn’t something I would want to do again. We spread out our arms and twirled on stage, all to the delight of our watching guardians. After it was over June came back to tell me how impressed she was with my dancing – as if I had been doing it all my life. I got back at her however by telling her what a nice couple Judge Jasper and her made. She laughed and gave me a parting hug before leaving.

After we change, Diane drove us home. Home, at least for Tracy, which turned out to be a modest single story house located in one of the older neighborhoods of Peace River. No one else was there when we arrived, and it surprised me that Tracy’s parents hadn’t been there to see her perform. Quickly Diane ushered us into Tracy’s bedroom filled with dolls and other girl toys.

"Well girls," she grinned. "Since you were so good at the recital I’m going to let you play some before dinner. Tracy, why don’t you pull out your dollhouse? You and Linda can play with your Barbie’s and have a real good time."

"I don’t want to!" Tracy responded crossly and defiantly. "It’s bad enough I have to live like this – you shouldn’t force me to be friends with the person who made me this way."

"That’s enough!" Diane scolded him sternly. "You will do as I say or I’ll ‘punish’ you. Both of you will behave like the pretty little girls that you are. NOW PLAY!"

Her strong tone was enough to convince me to do as she said. I sat down on the floor and pulled out a doll from the dollhouse. Tracy stood a moment longer, then backed down and joined me.

"Good," Diane smiled coldly. "Now, I don’t want to hear anything more out of your two until dinner. Oh, and have fun – ‘girls’."

She left the room, leaving me alone for the first time with the one person who hated my guts more than anyone else in the world. Tracy looked at me with hatefully eyes, then placed her doll on the roof of the dollhouse.

"Look at me," she mocked. "I’m Linda Andersonville. A mean, cold-hearted BITCH who everyone hates. I’m going to do everyone a favor and end my miserable existence once and for all. Does anyone here not want me to jump? No? Then here I go!"

Tracy pushed the doll off the roof. "SPLAT!" she grinned. "Now everyone can have a party and celebrate her death."

My cheeks grew red with angry. Not to be outdone, I replied in kind, only from a different direction.

"Look at ME!" I announced, dancing my doll around on the floor. "I used to be Gerald Rogers, but now I’m a pretty "little girl" named Tracy. I just love my new life, dressing up in darling dresses all the time."

I could see steam coming from Tracy’s ears and continued to push. "I used to bully people around all the time because I had a complex about being such a big, strong man when I really wanted to be a soft, little girl. People made fun of me because I could never fulfill my role as a man, and now I don’t have to. I love being a little girl. Please, dress me up in your cutest outfits – PLEASE! I can’t stand to be wearing anything else but cutest and most feminine outfits."

"You BASTARD!" she hissed.

"Bastard!" I yelled back. "Look who’s talking. The king of the bastards, or should I say ‘Queen’." I let out a defendant laugh that infuriated him even more.

"MOTHER-FUCKER," she cussed and lunged at me. Her small fist struck me on the side of my chin and I fell over. It didn’t hurt, but it did piss me off. She landed on top of me and tried to swing again but I held onto her fist. Being slightly bigger, I was able to push her off me. However, she was faster and angrier than I was. As I tried to stand up she pushed me and I fell to the ground. The skirt of my dress flew up and covered my face, blinding me.

I felt someone jump on top of me and take a swing. Again I grabbed hold of her fist, only this time I rolled and held on. My skirt came back down and I found myself on top of her.

"Faggot!" she yelled at me.

"Better that than a jerk-off like yourself," I responded.

She got a hand loose and swung at me again. This time I was able to move my face away so that she missed me. I replied with my own sock in the face, and she screamed in rage. With all her might, Tracy flipped me off her body and rushed to grab hold of me. She pulled my hair, and I quickly responded with an elbow to her chin. This stunned the little girl, and I turned to face the person responsible for murdering my best friend.

"This is for Al Parker!" I spatted and took a swing. I caught her in the nose, and blood spilled out onto her pretty new dress. She touched the blood with her hand and stood there stunned. Then Tracy fell to her knees and started crying. Our fight was over, and I had won. Yet at that moment it seemed like a hallow victory.

"What’s going on," Diane questioned loudly. When she saw Tracy kneeing on the floor bleeding and crying she rushed over and hugged her. "There, there, its okay, Tracy. I’ll make it better." She held a rag up to his nose. "It's alright now."

"No, its not" Tracy cried out. "Make father change me back so I can punish this human correctly. He can’t keep me like this. I hate them all, they must pay!"

"No, they mustn’t," Diane replied. "You must forgive and move on. You’ve been bad yourself, Gerald. They are not to blame for your current situation."

"YES THEY ARE!" Tracy screamed with tears in her eyes. "We’re better than they are. We’re superior. She turned me into a little girl. I must punish her – I must – I must."

Tracy broke down even further in Diane’s arms. Despite what Tracy had said and done to me, I felt pity for her. I had to say something.

"Tracy, I’m so sorry for hurting you. I didn’t mean to hit you so hard."

"Stop teasing me!" she yelled. "I know what you’re doing. You’re trying to treat me like a defenseless little girl."

"No," I replied quietly. "I – I don’t want to fight you anymore. What I did to you was wrong. Please forgive me. Please, I don’t want to hate you anymore and I don’t want you hating me."

"Go to HELL!" she screamed. "I hate you Tom McClain! DO YOU HEAR ME! I HATE YOUR FUCKING GUTS! One day I’ll get my revenge. I’ll make sure your death is painful! I’ll make you pay for all this."

I just stood there blocking out her threats. I now understood what Judge Jasper had meant by her punishment being bad enough. He wasn’t referring to the fact that Gerald had to live his life as a little girl, a life he hated. He was talking about the hate and anger inside his son soul. How could anyone be happy with such a heavy, hateful heart? Only it got worse. Gerald had never matured; therefor could never understand how to overcome his real problems. He was trapped in his own world of hate and self-pity, with no escape.

Diane looked over at me with clear eyes. "Leave us, Linda. Your time here is over."

I nodded silently. As I left the room I felt my body changing as it grew back to its adult self. Even my clothes reformed to the dress I had on earlier. Everything was the same as before – everything that is except my outlook on Gerald.

I walked around Peace River for almost an hour troubled before finding a park bench to sit down at. Why did I feel so horrible? I knew why.

"Mind if I sit down?" someone asked politely. It was Diane standing there looking at me with a neutral expression. I made a motion with my hand to indicate it was okay and she took a seat.

"Come to gloat?" I asked quietly.

"About what?" she blinked.

"About the way I acted – and I’m not talking about just today."

"No, I didn’t. Believe it or not Tom, I came to make peace with you."

I look at her in questioning surprise. She had used my pervious name. Diane sighed and looked at the setting sun. "I know you’re living your life as Linda Anderson. I also know you still think of yourself as Tom McClain."

"And you wish to humor me?"

"No," she shook her head. "I wish to have a serious talk with you on a person to person basis. You see Tom; we’ve both learned something today. I’ve always despised you for what you did to my brother. It was different with Al Parker; he was a victim of my brother actions. You on the hand didn’t suffer at all, or so I thought. But today I saw the real you, the person my father sees. Compared to my brother, well, I’ve been blaming the wrong person for Tracy’s misery."

I sat there in silence for a moment, looking for the words to say. Finally I decided to come clean.

"I’ve always hated your brother, even when he was my daughter," I said. "It was different then, because I could control how Tracy acted and didn’t have to see any of the old Gerald in her. That was how I got my revenge for Al’s death, I stamped out all those bad qualities. Oh, I treated him with respect, but I always enjoyed the idea that he was miserable in his new life, and I had the power to increase that misery. It just felt so – so damn good. He murdered my best friend, my brother. I didn’t want to forgive him for that."

"And now?" she asked.

I shook my head. "Now I see that no matter how much I torment him, I could never punish him more than what he is doing to himself. Nor could I punish him enough to where I would feel satisfied."

I smiled slightly. "I remember something Judge Herns told me a while back, after I had been returned to Andersonville following my escape. I asked June how she was going to punish me for my actions, and she told me she wasn’t. I was surprised about the fact that I wasn’t going to be punished, but she informed me that that wasn’t what she had said. She pointed out that humans had a way of punishing themselves for things they do in life. It appears that the same rule applies to your people as well."

"Yes, I suppose it does," Diane agreed with a slight smile. "I felt the same way about you, and it only made me feel bitter and angry all the time."

"So what happens now?" I asked while staring out at the dying sun.

"Why don’t we have dinner," she suggested. "I think – I think I would like to get to know the real you, Linda."

Her offer made me grin. "I would like that, Diane. Do you think we can get a table at Crystal’s?"

"Being the Judge’s daughter, I think I can get us one," she winked.

I laughed, and she joined in. Then Diane leaned over and gave me a hug. "I think I like the adult version of you better."

"Me too," I agreed. "Me too!’

We stood up together and headed for the restaurant.

Fade out…

 

Next week – Love and War

 

 

 

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© 2001 by Kelly Davidson. All Rights Reserved. These documents (including, without limitation, all articles, text, images, logos, compilation design) may printed for personal use only. No portion of these documents may be stored electronically, distributed electronically, or otherwise made available without express written consent of the copyright holder.