Amazon: Regenesis

by Itinerant

edited by Amelia_R

 

Amazon: Part_2-History Lesson and Reality Checks

 

Biographer's Note: This is Nicole's story. It covers those events and people she finds notable in her life and chooses to share. If you have problems with it, take it up with her. I'm just a glorified stenographer.

 

Interlude - Monday evening, 11/27/2000

Nicole soon retired to her bedroom, now cluttered with bags both full and half-empty, and cleaned up for bed. She immediately received the first lesson in being a woman; allow time to remove makeup at the end of the day. Tom's routine of a few quick swipes with a wet washcloth just didn't cut it. It took extra time to get the last vestiges of mascara and eye shadow off. "How can I effectively clean off what I can't see?" she grumbled.

Nicole had no illusions. The shopping spree was only part of setting the foundations in place for her new role in life. She now had documentation: birth certificate, social security card, passport, high school diploma, degrees ( a bachelors in Computer Engineering and master's in Computer Science from her old Alma-Mater, Syracuse; neat!), and all the other paperwork that made her real to the world. But she still didn't feel 'real' to herself. ~I still feel like Tom inside. And the last day is a total fog other than vague snippets of the start and an unending series of outfit changes~ She sighed. ~The degrees are a good idea, at least.~ She thought back to her days in college in the early 60's as Tom, spending time in the Math department and learning about these new things called computers—the big, air-conditioned rooms with racks of tape drives and card readers. She definitely had the background after 35 years of growing with the industry.

Finally free of makeup, and with hair confined with a soft hair band, she wearily wobbled to the bed and crashed—followed immediately by a rapid return to the dresser to replace the earrings with studs that wouldn't impale her neck when she laid her head down.

The pain-induced wakefulness rapidly gave way to sleep as she ended a most eventful day.

 

Tuesday, 11/28/2000

 

Nicole woke slowly the next morning. She noticed that, as on the previous morning, she woke embracing the other pillow from the bed. ~I guess it'll take a while to adjust to sleeping alone again,~ she thought sadly. She missed the companionship; she missed the comfort of that familiar presence. She nevertheless had slept soundly through the night and felt more awake and alert than she was accustomed to, at least not without a cup or three of coffee. She rose and made her way to the bathroom, resigned to the need for a shower. It was time to introduce herself to herself, without distractions.

She set the water to a slightly warm temperature, rather than the very warm to hot setting she used as Tom. She'd adjust it as she gained experience with what was comfortable. She undressed, and took a good look at her new body in the mirror. Turning side to side, she got a good view of her profile as well. Her face was now lean and oval. She looked like Tom's baby sister, definitely related but definitely female. She was now slender, with smooth skin covering a gently curved figure. Her breasts were set high, and were on the small side. She ran her hands over them, gauging the new sensations evoked. So very different from a man's chest, the sensations were more intense as the nipples began to rise. She continued her exploration downward. Her stomach was lean and flat, more of an athlete's look. The skin, even there, seemed more responsive to the touch. She was a natural redhead, with a small patch of pubic hair and long legs for her height.

She briefly considered a more intimate examination of her new sex, but there were questions to ask and it would not happen in here. "How do I adjust to this?" she asked herself. "My male side is screaming that this all must be a dream or a nightmare."

She closed her eyes for a moment, praying for strength to cope. ~If I just bull through without accepting, I'll end up in a psycho-ward. Give me grace to accept myself as I am now.~ She opened her eyes again. She had seen most of herself yesterday as she shopped for lingerie, but this was different. There was time now to think without distraction, to process what she saw. Her new reality, hard as it was to accept, would be a lifetime set aside for this new task and responsibility.

Not to mention the need to figure out how to cope with this hair.

With a wry smile, she stepped into the shower. She thought for a moment before using the shampoo she automatically grabbed. ~Hang on. If I do it this way, my nice clean hair is going to be left with body soap in it when I wash the rest of me.~ sigh ~Score one for short hair.~ The shampoo went back on the tub side and she grabbed the soap and washcloth. The most interesting revelation of this first shower was how very normal it all was. A soft washcloth was a definite plus while washing newly sensitive nipples, but the lack of dangling bits was something of a plus. Washing, she found, was washing. It was comforting. Hair washing was a similar case; it took longer to wash, and conditioning was crucial. It still ended with a good clean feeling.

The only really odd part was the shaving. There wasn't much in the way of stubble, but Nicole decided to make a trial run when it wasn't so hard or urgent. The underarms were not too tough and went quickly. Shaving legs was obviously going to take some practice. There was a lot of territory to cover with many obstacles. She hoped the healing factor was as enhanced as Artemis had said. Still, there was a sensual pleasure in the act and in feeling soap-slicked hands sliding over smooth legs despite the occasional ouch.

Finally clean and rinsed, she dried herself and dressed in comfortable, casual clothing. She decided to just comb out her hair to air dry, and to spend a few minutes making sure tangles were worked out. Finally, ready to face the day, she headed downstairs.

It was time to start talking about the future with her 'bosses.'

 

 

Michael sensed his charge as she woke. Humans continued to be a mystery to the angel, even as their potential awed him. At the moment, however, he needed to aid Nicole/Tom through the transition from man to woman. It was fascinating to follow the swirl of thoughts and emotions; the swings from fear to wonder to confusion to calm as he/she encountered new situations or realized how some stayed unchanged. The strange interactions between body and spirit, unique to humankind, were clearly on display. He chuckled at the human's dogged insistence at viewing him as a male. It was a necessary fiction; their minds were too limited to handle the reality of a totally spirit being. At best, even a true sight of a lower angel would destroy their minds; at worst it would end their existence.

He did not presume to understand fully, but the Creator had a special love for these creatures.

 

 

Nicole entered the great room, finding only Michael in the kitchen area. "Morning!" She set the uncertainty of the morning aside. It was time for some questions and answers. She looked around, noting Artemis' absence. "Are you on babysitting duty today?" She added some fruit to a light breakfast as she awaited a reply.

"Not precisely. You and Artemis have issues you need to work out, but I wanted time to spend with you to help you work through the issues from your new life. Since you are my charge, it's my responsibility."

"Your charge?"

"Sometimes an angel is assigned to an individual to provide support. Ordinarily it is more subtle, just nudging in the right direction and operating in the background. Your situation was judged to merit closer, higher level support."

Nicole hesitated. "I don't know what to say, other than it's intimidating."

"You don't need to say anything, unless you wish to," Michael said. "Just remember I am here for you. Nothing you say to me will go beyond the two of us... and my boss, of course." He returned her smile at the obvious reference.

"I appreciate the support, but... I still feel totally inadequate to the task. I don't know what to do, or how to do it. I understand how Gideon felt."

"Then remember you also have friends, and not just Artemis and I, who will be with you. Part of being here is a chance for you to start learning what you need to know."

She didn't look very reassured as she responded, "So where do I, or we, start?"

"Well, what problems do you see that you think need to be handled?"

"I see three that need to be solved. First, I need to learn how to live as a woman. If it weren't for Artemis, there's no way I could have managed yesterday. I can't even operate out in the world until I get that solved."

"I agree. What else?"

"Since we'll also need to function as a nation, I need training as a head of state. Is there such a thing as 'Queen Class'?" A wry smile accompanied this last comment.

She hesitated before continuing. "I also need to pull a staff together as soon as I can. It isn't practical to run an organization of any size without one.

Michael nodded approvingly. "You seem to have considered most of the critical aspects of your situation based on what you know."

"Most? What did I miss, and what don't I know?" She frowned as she mentally reviewed her task list.

"Who's missing what?" Artemis asked as she entered the cabin.

Michael and Nicole turned to watch the goddess as she joined them at the table, then they briefly recapped the conversation held in her absence.

"Michael was just hinting that I had missed something when you walked in. Now back to the question of just what I missed." Nicole refocused on the angel.

"The answer to that is bound with part of the reason you were chosen. Time has passed, but those who destroyed the Amazons still remain. They changed the outward form of the organizations, but they still have agents abroad in the world."

"And I need to keep a low profile until we can identify them and are ready to engage them with some hope of success. I see." Nicole nodded, finally seeing both what she had missed and part of why she was now a she.

"Talk about covert operations," she chuckled, paused, then frowned. "Thinking of covert... Guys, how traceable is our activity up to now? Artemis spent a wad, and I don't know how easy it would be for someone to trace the creation of the documentation. If the purchases are picked up, the bad guys could have a picture of me already. That could mean they'd be waiting wherever I show.

Nicole paused before continuing. "That adds another problem: It looks like the Amazons will need to be back in the warrior business already, just so we can survive. I'll need combat training for myself; something like Officer's Candidate School, so I know how to run a military operation; and training in military special operations."

Michael responded, "We've taken steps to cloak all those shopping activities. The cash flow of the stores is well within the normal variations of each store and, just in case, the security feeds were 'adjusted' to ensure neither you nor Artemis will appear on any captured images." He smiled and continued, "We've taken care to cloak the new document trail for Nicole as well. It helps to be able to reach back and create the documents at the appropriate time."

Nicole showed her relief, saying, "I'm glad you're so far ahead of me on that. It isn't paranoia if they are out to get me, though." Her good humor reasserted itself. "So, Artemis, what have you been up to this morning?"

Her mentor broke out a truly evil grin and began to outline the arrangements made so far:

Beginning in January, Nicole had several classes at, as far as she could tell, a debutante college. Intensive training on dress, makeup, manners, proper conduct at formal dinners, and dancing classes. The classes covered all the skills required to function in domestic and international high society. The first three weeks in California for three seminars, then a week in England for another, then back to California for the dance classes.

March would bring a special treat; arrangements were in place for her to enjoy spring at Parris Island, Marine Boot Camp followed by Advanced Combat Training in lovely Camp Lejeune, and then specialty training of her choice.

Between now and January, she was informed, there was time for lessons in some history and traditions of the historical Amazon nation. Woodcraft—including tracking, hunting, and survival in the wild; use of ancient weapons, especially the bow; and horsemanship.

Nicole began to understand the reason for Artemis' grin. "You intend to use every available minute, don't you?"

Artemis continued, "When you finish eating, you need to change into outdoor work clothing. I have someone to introduce you to."

After consuming the remains of her breakfast, Nicole quickly changed and the two women left the cabin.

It was a short stroll down the hill to a horse corral attached to a barn. Nicole KNEW they weren't there two days ago. The lower end of the clearing seemed larger, perhaps 10 acres, and was now fenced. "I didn't know you were a carpentry expert", she said as they approached the barn. "You must have been busy putting all this together."

"I have my ways", said her companion. "I need this for some of your training. Horses take a lot of room, equipment, and care. Come in and let me introduce you to a friend of mine."

They entered the barn, which was not large, perhaps thirty feet long and twenty wide, with three stalls on the right as they walked in. Another large door was on the opposite end of the barn from where they entered. The building had to be new, yet there was the smell of large animals within. Two horses poked their heads out of the far stalls and looked toward the new arrivals. What could be seen was a black, or very dark brown, mane that contrasted with the brown coat. The only readily seen difference was a white spot on the nearer horse's face. Opposite the stalls hung various leather items, with several saddles, blankets, and a couple of cabinets. Artemis closed the bottom of the door as they entered.

"Let me introduce Hecuba and her daughter. Hecuba is eight years old, her daughter is three. We'll be using them to train you in horsemanship and care. Hecuba is mine," Artemis stroked the first horse's head affectionately as they passed, "and her daughter is yours to care for."

Nicole walked over to the far stall and slowly, so as not to startle, reached out to stroke the head of her new acquaintance. "What's her name?" she asked.

"That is for you to decide," came the response.

"I think I'll wait to get to know her a bit before deciding on that. I want it to be appropriate. Your mare's name sounds vaguely familiar." Nicole paused, frowning in thought. "Troy... King Priam's wife... the last Queen of Troy!"

Artemis looked mildly surprised. "Very good! I wasn't expecting you to make that connection."

Nicole shrugged as she responded, "Remember I was in school when they had a meaningful education. 'The Iliad', 'The Odyssey', and 'The Aeneid' were required reading."

Artemis responded, "Well, it's time for history class now. Horses were always a part of the Amazon Nation. We were not always nomadic, but our ability to breed and train horses brought buyers from surrounding tribes and eventually empires. We always had the best; they were stronger, faster, and had more endurance than anyone else's. When we added the bow to our weapons, we were unbeatable for hundreds of years. We ranged widely, founded colonies, and traded with anyone who came. All founded on our horses. They were our edge."

The next couple of hours were filled with an education on horses: feeding, grooming, hoof care, names of various parts of their anatomy.

"Now let's get these two out into the pasture so they can enjoy the outside for the day." She demonstrated how to put a bridle on, using Hecuba, then guided her student through the same process. Lead ropes were attached, more for show on Hecuba, and the horses were led from the barn to the fenced pasture area beyond the corral and released to roam.

Hecuba slowly walked out into the pasture, stopping to sample the grass from time to time. Her daughter was more exuberant, galloping out and racing around the perimeter of the fence.

The goddess and the queen-to-be turned and re-entered the barn. Artemis outlined feeding schedules, food mixes, and amounts. She also emphasized the need for sufficient clean water. "Every morning, I want you to feed and water these two. After that, let them out and make sure the barn is cleaned out and fresh straw is on the stall floors. In the evening we'll need to bring them back in and groom them, including their hooves. It's a tedious task, but the horses need proper care. I'll show you how to groom them and clean their hooves this evening."

"I think I can handle that."

Artemis coached Nicole through the process of refreshing the stable as she cleaned and restocked the stalls. As they walked through the process, their discussion covered wheelbarrow locations, compost pile location, salt blocks, and water troughs, as Artemis pointed out tool and supply locations. Finally the task was complete. "Now for the rest of the morning, I want to start working on physical conditioning and woodcraft."

"Oh. Goody." Nicole's sarcasm fairly dripped.

Artemis took off at a jog, calling back, "Come on!"

Nicole grimaced and ran to catch up.

The new training regimen consisted of long sprints, interspersed with stops at intervals to point out trees and other plants of interest as the goddess began teaching ancient herb lore of the Nation. By the time they returned to the cabin's clearing, Nicole didn't have breath to voice the imprecations that came to mind with each step. Finally she reached the steps of the cabin and stopped, bent over with hands on knees, to catch her breath.

"Gasp! ... You... pant! ... don't believe... puff! ... in starting slow... pant! ... do you?"

Her mentor/trainer grinned at her. "I don't know why you're complaining. You did well running a marathon—in 3 hours. We'll ramp up slowly from here."

Nicole's jaw dropped. "A WHAT! I don't recall ever WALKING a marathon!"... "I just ran 26 miles and change! That's just not real..."

"You aren't what you were, nor are you what you will be when we are done. You should be able to do better, either more miles or less time."

"Great. I think I need some water. Do you want some?" She walked up the steps, muttering, "I'm really looking forward to mornings. Not."

"I'll come in and have some. I'd like something to eat, too."

As they entered, they found Michael had left. They prepared lunch, and discussed the plan for the afternoon. Time was reserved at day's end for retrieving the horses from the pasture and taking care of their grooming. Weapons training with the bow, sword, and knife began after lunch.

"Before we go back out, I do need some help," Nicole began. "I won't always want to wash my hair, so how do I keep it protected in the shower. I've seen that turban arrangement, but I don't have a clue how to do it." She shook her head as she griped, "This being a female stuff is complicated."

Artemis smiled, "I'll show you what to do this evening. It isn't hard once you're shown how. Now, time to get back to work."

The two walked back outside to the barn, and Nicole took the opportunity to continue the 'history class.' "How did the Amazons start?"

Artemis was silent for a few moments, casting her mind back. "It was just after a war over water in the winter pastures between two tribes on the steppes. Both sides misjudged their enemy, and all but the women and a few old men were killed or died from wounds. Both sides gathered together and survived the winter by cooperating.

"I noticed them after a few years as they gathered more refugees. Several times they tried to cooperate and ally with tribes led by men, but were rejected or attacked and had to flee. They remained nomads for decades. I led some wanderers to them from time to time who had skills to aid the tribe. As their numbers grew, they established clans and a council to govern the tribe. Eventually they established a permanent settlement on what is now the Perekop Isthmus, which joins the Crimean Peninsula to the mainland."

She smiled. "They were wild and free and ranged everywhere along the coast. They used their skill rather than brute force, and cut invaders to pieces when they trespassed. Even when the ancestors of the Huns came, they left bruised. The horses we had were much better. I led the tribes to the best stock, and they bred the family root of our two friends here in the pasture."

As the two women approached the pasture, Hecuba walked over to the fence for attention. The younger of the two was hesitant, but followed her mother. The goddess gently stroked and petted the neck of her mare, murmuring quietly to her. Nicole slowly approached the filly, mimicking Artemis' actions and softly speaking to her new horse. Hecuba's daughter was trembling at first, but settled quickly under the gentle ministrations of her new mistress.

"Elizabeth", said Nicole. "Her name is Elizabeth."

Artemis looked over. "And she's named after someone?"

A sad smile crossed the younger woman's face. "Not who you're thinking. I had Elizabeth Tudor in mind."

"Elizabeth I of England—a good choice. A strong woman and a great leader by any standard of measure."

Nicole turned her attention back to the horse; no, her horse. "How does that sound? Do you like the name Elizabeth?"

The filly, ears forward, nickered in seeming agreement. She sensed the background tension in her mistress, as well as the reassurance she tried to convey.

Artemis allowed the two some time to bond. Finally, she cleared her throat and said, "OK, kids. It's time to get back to work."

The horses were given a final bit of attention as the women walked into the barn to retrieve the weapons for training.

The afternoon was spent in basic weapons orientation. Artemis brought out a table from the barn, then placed on it a knife, short sword, and short bow.

"Here are replicas of the bronze knife, bronze sword, and short bow used by the original Amazons. We're starting with the sword...."

By the end of the afternoon, the young woman's arm was weary beyond belief. She'd practiced sword patterns all afternoon to ingrain the techniques and build up her arm strength. Artemis' tongue was scathing when arm weariness led to sloppy technique and corrections were immediate. Finally, a halt was called to the exercise.

"You may stop now, and you have done reasonably well for a first day. You can do better; you need to learn to focus on the task and tune out the fatigue and pain. That may save your life in combat some day."

Nicole could no longer feel the fingers that held onto the sword. "I'm not sure I can let this go anymore. My fingers are cramped around the hilt." She rested the blade on the table and pried her fingers loose. "Ow-ow-ow!" She shook her hand, trying to work the cramps out, and then used her other hand to massage the abused appendage.

Her teacher moved over and took her student's painful hand and gently worked on the overstressed muscles. Slowly the pain eased. "Better now?"

"Yes, the hand feels useable again! Thank you!" She flexed the fingers, still feeling twinges but able to use the hand again.

"Good, now I think it's time to bring the horses in and run you through the evening routine."

(30 minutes later)

"ARRRGH! Come back here, you miserable hayburner!"

The redhead stood in the middle of the pasture, glaring and fuming at a lightly trotting filly. The same filly she'd been trying to return to the barn for the last half-hour. Talking, chasing, yelling, walking all ended with the horse just out of reach and treating the whole affair as a wonderful game of tag. Head and tail high, Elizabeth almost had a grin as she continued to circle her playmate.

Nicole's mood was not helped by Artemis and Hecuba. The older horse had cooperated and was standing by the barn. Artemis was leaning on the building, laughing hysterically, tears running down her face, at the futile chase occurring before her. Hecuba was getting hungry though and nudged her rider, calling time on the live comedy in the pasture. Controlling the laughter, or at least reducing it to intermittent giggles, Artemis walked out to her student and coached her through bringing the game of tag to a successful end.

Finally, leading Elizabeth with a rope, the two returned to the barn and led the horses to their respective stalls. The walk was punctuated by epithets and comments about finding local glue factories.

Nicole didn't know a horse could give a Bronx cheer—and laugh—at the same time.

Damn horse.

Artemis chuckled and began the lesson. "At the end of the day we need to groom the horses. Start with the hoof, that's crucial for the horse's health and mobility. It's like the foundation of a house. That's also why keeping the stalls clean is important, since if the stall isn't clean you can have dirt, parasites, and fungi infesting the horses. At the end of each day, you need to use this tool, called a hoofpick, to make sure the hoof is cleaned out. Make sure you check the frog, this center area under the hoof, for thrush, cracks in the hoof...."

And so the lessons proceeded, starting with hoof care and proceeding through proper care of the coat, mane, and tail. Artemis led her student into Hecuba's stall and guided her through each technique. Cleaning went smoothly, and Nicole began learning a myriad of names and terms.

Once Hecuba was cared for, the two women moved to the other stall and Nicole began to replicate the steps on her horse. Hecuba was permitted to exit her stall and became an observer through the doorway. Artemis was a patient teacher, guiding Nicole through each task until a basic understanding was achieved. The younger horse had limited patience for this newcomer, so breaks were needed to allow time to soothe the filly's nerves. The end of the session was a relief to all, both horse and human. The filly was given extra attention at the end, as well as a small treat as a reward for good behavior.

"Good work for a first try! Now let's make sure there is enough food and water and let them relax for the evening."

A final affectionate caress to Elizabeth, and Nicole left the stall. Hecuba followed her rider into the other stall and was working on her food as the women closed the doors and returned to the cabin.

 

 

After the evening meal, the three sat in the great room to give Nicole time to ask and answer questions. The redhead took time to think before responding, "I think I'd just as soon have Artemis continue the history lesson from today if she's willing."

"I'd be happy to. Shall I pick up where I left off?"

"Please."

She collected her thoughts and continued the narrative:

"I think I had mentioned the tribal council forming, right? The tribe continued to grow to a point where the main village became a large town or small city. There were too many clans and too many council members. They tried a Grand Council for about a century, but it was still too slow to respond to events. They had tribes migrating near the borders that needed answers now. There were empires building southeast and southwest of their country that they needed to watch. Too much was happening too fast. I watched them through all of this, waiting to see if they could cope without help. Their situation worsened to the point I just couldn't wait longer. I appeared to their Grand Council and led them to reorganize. They needed a single leader to respond to events. That meeting led to the appointing of the first Amazon Queen, someone to lead the nation day-to-day, as well as in battle. Tanais was her name, and she received the scepter I made for her. It's the same one you have today and has been carried by all your predecessors over the centuries."

Nicole interrupted the story. "What about the belt Herakles took from Hippolyta? According to Greek mythology, it was the girdle of the Queen."

"That was just artistic license by the author. I did consider it as an option, but a scepter can be more easily seen when the Queen is seated."

"Good point. Please pardon my interruption and continue."

"There isn't much more to say. When each Queen passed, the next chosen by the Grand Council received the scepter. That somehow was turned onto the scepter choosing the next Queen. They had arranged with tribes in the surrounding area to produce children; the girls were kept and the boys went to their fathers. At least, until the Hittites started weaving their net of trade around us that at the last turned into a capture net. They were good traders, giving good value for what they received. We never knew what finally turned them against us. They had enough trouble with the empires to the south.

We'd had a small, but steady, traffic of women from the south and southwest. It took time to really notice when they stopped coming. Then we started losing trading parties. That wasn't unheard of—the world is a dangerous place—but we started losing more than we could explain. One of our traders escaped, and we finally found the Hittites were enslaving them. When we confronted them, they used their trade stations to close our borders and seal us in. They deported the other tribes. Then they ground us down by sheer weight of numbers, until finally Thalestris gave the scepter back into my hand...."

She stopped, lost in the ancient pain. Suddenly a soft hand stole into hers, gentle pressure catching her attention. Looking down, she saw Nicole's hand held hers and, as she looked up, a smile of encouragement was offered.

"We're back now," Nicole almost whispered. "The memories hurt, but they ARE and WILL BE remembered, and we will tell their stories to all the new daughters to come."

Eyes shining with tears of hope and joy, the goddess reached out and embraced the younger woman and said, "Yes! You're right. I should, and we will. I cannot thank you enough for what you are doing."

 

~What did I just do?~ Tom thought to himself.

He looked down at the hand that had, seemingly by itself, reached out in comfort. It was frightening; he'd normally put an arm around a shoulder, or give a pat on the back. A hint of a frown appeared as the brief internal debate transpired.

~What's happening to me?~

 

 

Artemis noted a brief tension in the hand that held hers and the facial expression that changed, ever so briefly, to uncertainty. She remained still—the changes Tom had gone through to become Nicole so far had been physical. The mental re-ordering would be harder and take more time. His/her heart was in the right place; the comforting hand and words were honest. The physical touch was woman-to-woman, and that surely confused him. Artemis needed Nicole, but a sympathy grew for the stress inflicted upon him/her. The goddess would help as she could.

 

Wednesday 11/29/2000

 

Nicole wondered about the wisdom of asking for an alarm clock as it jolted her out of a sound sleep. She pulled on her 'mucking' outfit, as she called it, and headed for the barn. Breakfast could come after the dirty work.

 

 

"'Blue-Blue, Blue Suede Hooves'

'Blue-Blue, Blue Suede Hooves'

'You can do anything, but stay offa my Blue Suede Hooves'"

 

A sweet singing voice carried from the barn as Artemis walked in to check on the morning's activities. Unfortunately, that lovely voice was doing things to the Elvis tune that probably warranted a lawsuit.

"I'd say good morning, but I already heard your mangling of a tune I like," she said as she walked up to the stall where Nicole was just finishing cleaning the last 'deposits' made by Hecuba.

"Hey! Filking is a worthy tradition. If Elvis doesn't like it, he can complain to me himself. And it could be worse, remember I grew up in those early days of Rock. Want to hear a rousing rendition of Bill Haley and The Comets' 'Muck Around The Clock'? Or maybe I should come up with something from the Beach Boys'"

"No! Please! How's the work going?"

"Just finishing Hecuba's stall now. I know you saw the horses are out, and Elizabeth's stall is done. Give me a couple of minutes to re-cover the floor in here and dump the wheelbarrow load. I didn't eat anything yet, so give me a few minutes to grab a bite before we start our day."

"That's fine with me. You're up earlier than yesterday, so I wondered what you were up to."

"It's an old habit of mine. I like to get the dirty work out of the way as early as possible, so I can enjoy the remainder of the day." She shrugged and wrinkled her nose. "It doesn't get much dirtier than this."

"That sounds good. Our schedule for today is bow work this morning, then we'll get you started on how to saddle and ride a horse this afternoon."

 

 

Twang!

"OW! That HURT!" Nicole rubbed her forearm where the bowstring had raked across it as she took her first shot. It didn't help that the arrow didn't get close enough to the target to scare anyone within ten yards.

"You were short and to the right, Nicole." Artemis' voice did a poor job of concealing her amusement.

Her student shot a glare in her direction. "An astute observation; now how do I correct my aim without killing my arm?" The sting was diminishing as she continued to rub at the afflicted area.

The goddess held out a piece of leather. "This is an armguard. It's used to protect the lower arm from the bowstring. Let me show you how it's supposed to fit."

"Ow! Take it easy! My arm is still sore from that bowstring!" Nicole whined as the guard was quickly slipped into place, sliding over still sensitive skin.

"Now then," Artemis resumed, "that will protect your arm. Here's how you correct your aim...."

With the armguard in place, Nicole relaxed enough that she was able to start hitting the target. No bull's-eyes, but at least missing the ground.

A soft sigh escaped from the goddess. "Better, but your technique isn't quite right. Here, let me show you again. You need to straighten all three fingers at once, otherwise the arrow won't go where you're trying to aim." Twang! The arrow hit just to the left of the target center. "See? Now you try again."

Nicole took the bow back and tried again. Twang! The arrow hit just inside the outer edge of the target.

Artemis sighed and shook her head. "Keep practicing. You'll get it eventually."

The redhead sighed, resigning herself to a morning of sore fingers.

Twang!

~Hey, that one was closer to the center!~ She quickly pulled the next arrow from the quiver and tried to duplicate her relative success.

 

Wednesday 11/29/2000

Afternoon

Elizabeth stood nervously, raising one hoof or another as her mistress struggled to get the saddle set properly on the horse's back. The saddle seemed to always be too far forward, too far back, or twisted—if it wasn't tilted to the side and falling off entirely.

"I need to take a break here, Artemis. Give me a minute and I'll try again." Nicole put the saddle back on the table for a moment. "It's OK, sweetie," Nicole returned to soothe the stressed animal.

Nicole's soft, almost crooning, murmurs slowly calmed the animal. The filly finally calmed down and was ready to again bear the trials of teaching a new rider.

The redhead moved for a moment to stand in front of the horse. Nicole spoke softly, but firmly. "I'm going to make this work this time. I just need you to stand very still for me. OK?" She gently stroked the horse's head in reassurance, then, with a final pat to the neck, returned to the left side.

She checked the placement of the blanket, making a minor adjustment to its location, and smoothed it out again. This time she paused to soothe the horse before stepping to the table. She hooked the right stirrup over the saddle horn and laid the right side cinch over the seat. Lifting the troublesome saddle again, a bit higher than before, she stepped to the horse and gently placed the saddle on Elizabeth's back. She used her fingers to sense the center of the horse's back and aligned the saddle center before letting go.

Perfect! An inch of blanket remained in front of the saddle, and it was centered properly from side-to-side. It took effort to control the enthusiasm in her voice as she patted the neck. "We did it, Elizabeth. It's in the right place this time!"

She sighed in relief as she walked around the back of the filly, careful to stay close and keep a hand in contact. A shiver rippled through the animal, but she stayed still as her mistress moved to the right side and carefully let the cinch and stirrup down from the saddle. She checked the blanket position, then moved back to the left side of the horse to finish fastening the cinch.

~Finally! I think I'm making progress.~ She smiled to herself as she gave her horse a treat before untying the bridle and walking her out to the pasture for the next lesson.

The smile lasted until she found out about the need to re-cinch the saddle; she found herself on the ground after the saddle spun loosely when she tried to mount Elizabeth.

 

The next couple of days continued to alternate between morning endurance runs or bow practice and afternoon sword and knife practice or horsemanship.

 

 

Sunday 12/03/2000

 

Nicole woke up at the sound of the alarm. It was getting easier as she adjusted to a regular wake-up time. She followed her pattern of quickly dressing and taking care of the horses then returning to the cabin to clean up and eat.

Artemis sat at the table as Nicole returned to the great room after a shower. The redhead sat with her after collecting her morning meal.

"Good morning, Ma'am."

"Ready for another busy day?"

"I want to talk to you about that. Last week, Sunday was... unique. I make a habit of setting one day aside each week for church wherever I am, even on travel. I don't know how to work that here, but I think I should stick as close as possible to that unless there's an emergency."

Artemis looked pensive, "We have an awful lot to do between now and January. We'll be tight on time as it is."

"I know, but I also need to give God His time. It also won't hurt to have a chance to settle ME. We've been so busy, I've hardly had time to slow down and really think about what's happened, and is happening, to me. I don't want to hit charm school and flip out because I didn't take any time to adjust. Michael might have helpful insights, and I want to spend some one-on-one time with him, if he's willing."

"I'm always willing, Nicole," came the response from the couch.

"Thank you, Michael. Artemis, are you OK with this?"

"I guess you're right. If we don't do this, we might lose more time trying to get you sane again."

"The other item," said the young woman, "is I'd like time with just you to try to get practice in some of the female basics. Otherwise I'm going into this fashion school ignorant of things any real woman will know."

"OK! OK! I surrender! It's a good idea! Uncle!"

The three chuckled and Nicole dug into her meal.

 

Shortly thereafter Nicole was walking slowly up the hill behind the cabin. She had dressed in a 'nice' outfit, not formal but suitable for church in her mind. Michael paced her, quietly waiting to see if she cared to start a conversation.

They finally reached the top of the hill, where she stood quietly. Finally Michael spoke up. "How are you doing, Nicole?"

"I'm doing fine," she began automatically.

"NICOLE!", came a sharp response. Nicole's head snapped around and looked at her companion and was shaken to see an angry look on his face. "Do NOT try to lie to me!"

At the fury on his face, Nicole cringed. She hung her head and in a soft voice replied, "I'm sorry. I spoke without thinking. Forgive me?" She waited in silence, not daring to look up.

"Nicole, look at me." She raised her eyes, fearing the anger last seen. There was no anger, just disappointment. "I forgive you, but remember you cannot lie to me. You are my charge, and I will always know if you speak the truth. You may not know, or you may be wrong; that is understandable and expected. You can only lie to yourself here, and that will defeat all the work we are attempting. You will only learn to cope with your situation, and the future that lies ahead of you, if you are honest with yourself. Now, why did you say you were fine?"

Nicole thought before beginning her reply. "I can't say for sure. Part of it is I've always kept my thoughts and feelings inside, to myself. That's how I grew up. Guys suck it up and don't whine or gripe about problems. If you have a problem, it's up to you do deal with it yourself. That's going to be a hard habit to break after 50 years.

"Another part of it is... I'm not entirely sure how I'm doing. I can't really say who 'I' am. A couple of days ago, when Artemis was telling me about the Amazons she was upset and I reached out to hold her hand. I've never done that with anyone before and it... frightened me. There are still large pieces of Tom wandering around in my head, and I don't always know whether Tom or Nicole is going to respond to something. I'm not sure I even know who Nicole is yet."

She sat on a nearby boulder, holding her head in her hands. "I'm scared, Michael. I'm losing the 'me' I know and don't know what or who I'm becoming."

Michael looked at her and nodded to himself. Progress. Now he could start helping. He sat down on the same boulder and put an arm around her shoulders. She leaned into him, craving the comfort and support. And then they talked, more openly than Tom had ever done in his life.

Midday came before she realized it, and the two began their stroll down from the hilltop. Their talks had dug into long-buried, painful parts of her heart, and she'd shed tears frequently. It was time for a break, and they walked close together down the path.

Before they reached the cabin, Nicole stopped and turned to Michael. "I am truly sorry for disappointing you, Michael. I can't promise it won't happen again, but I do promise to try." She hugged him and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. "I promise to work hard to be a good daughter and make you, both of you, proud."

And for the first time since they began that morning, a broad smile broke out on the angel's face as he responded, "You already are."

 

 

Pluck. "Ow!" Nicole was getting really tired, really fast, of the eyebrow plucking.

"You're almost done, just a few more on your left side and you'll be finished. Remember that after today you'll only need to keep up with new eyebrow hair. It will be a LOT less work, and pain"

"And after I'm done with this, then what?"

"Then we'll go back and practice the eye shadow application again. You need to get it on evenly, and more lightly, or it won't look right."

Nicole sighed. She knew the theory; her eidetic memory recalled everything the cosmetic salesgirl had said and done. Now she needed practice to get the muscles coordinated.

Bah! Humbug!

Pluck. "Ow!"

 

 

(Elsewhere)

Impatient fingers drummed the table. "Well? It has been a week—what did you find out?"

"Sir, we tracked the scepter to the Minneapolis Airport in the early afternoon. A review of the security camera tapes showed us nothing, no women anywhere with the scepter—just one old guy who tripped and hit the floor. We obtained the passenger lists for the entire day and are isolating those females that fit the profile given, 18-35 years old. We have processed a third of the list and so far no one has the scepter; the rest of the list should be checked within 2 weeks."

"Good, report back on that operation then. Finding that new Amazon takes priority over our planned operation using Al-Qaida. What is the impact likely to be?"

"We will have to push that strike back, probably until early to mid-September."

"That will suffice. Our other operations are proceeding then?"

"Yes, sir."

"Excellent! You are dismissed."

"Sir."

 

 

The days followed the pattern of mornings alternating between endurance runs and bow practice and afternoons were sword and knife or horsemanship.

Sundays usually were time for Michael to help Nicole sort out the spiritual aspects of her new life and for Artemis to work on the basics of life as a female.

 

Sunday 12/17/2000

(Elsewhere)

"Sir, we followed up on the passenger lists from Minneapolis. No one on the list had the scepter. We even dropped the age limitations. Nothing was found. We are now checking all men on the chance the scepter was dropped into a suitcase or carry-on to be found by a female associated with their household."

"I'm not pleased the scepter is not located. You are pursuing a proper course of action. Continue. Dismissed."

"Sir."

 

 

Monday 12/18/2000 - Reality Check

Early as it was, Michael caught Artemis' attention in the great room of the cabin. "This morning you'll need to take care of the horses early. Nicole won't be able to do it today."

She tilted her head and quirked an eyebrow, "And why would that be? She wasn't feeling great last night, but didn't appear to be ill."

"It isn't physical, at least not entirely. Her physical situation will trigger an emotional crisis, and it will take a good bit of time to deal with that."

His companion stood and headed for the door. "Let me go and take care of business, then when I get back we can continue if there is time."

 

 

Nicole woke, feeling crummy, as the alarm sounded. She felt bloated and a bit queasy, recalling that the last time she, as Tom, had felt like this it was food poisoning. She dragged herself out of bed and into the bathroom. She sat on the toilet and took care of her bladder first, but when she finished wiping there was a red tinge to the tissue.

Blood?

Blood!

Oh God

 

 

Michael felt the emotional wind-up after Nicole woke. Even mentally braced as he was, the abrupt mental snap surprised him, even as he heard the shriek from her room.

Artemis, alerted by Michael's briefing, was still alarmed as the wail echoed even through the doors.

The two rushed up the stairs and entered the bedroom. Seeing no one, they moved into the bathroom and found Nicole curled in a corner. Eyes closed, tears streaming down her cheeks, her arms wrapped around her middle, she was rocking back and forth, wailing, "No! It has to be a nightmare! I want to wake up! I want to be back HOME! BETH! HELP ME WAKE UP!"

Her voice rose again in hysterical shrieks.

Michael moved to kneel at her right; Artemis moved to a place at her left. The angel reached out and gently put an arm around the young woman's shoulders. At contact, Nicole's eyes snapped open and a look of horror appeared on her face. "No!" The hysterical shriek dropped to a defeated whisper. The weeping grew to loud sobs that shook her whole body.

Michael picked her up and returned her to her bed. She curled again into a fetal position and the sobbing continued. Artemis took a seat on the edge of the bed and gently brushed stray hair back from the youngster's face and stroked her back. Michael sat quietly, waiting for the raw edge of the emotions to wear off and for his charge to calm to a point where they could communicate usefully. He, too, used gentle contact to aid in Nicole's calming and stroked her arm through the covers.

The sobs became soft weeping; the weeping calmed to quiet tears punctuated by hiccups. The tightly curled body relaxed, and the woman in the bed spoke without opening her eyes.

"I can't do this. I can't cope with this. I need my friends and family. I can't deal with this situation anymore. I want to go back and go home."

Her mentors listened quietly to her as she vented her despair. Michael spoke softly in response, "Why do you say that? You were doing fine yesterday. What happened this morning that upset you so much?" Most of the answers he already knew; Nicole needed to work through the situation to heal and move ahead.

"I was on the toilet this morning... and there was blood when I wiped up."

Artemis responded this time, again softly and quietly, "You think you started your period?"

"Yes", the responding voice quavered. "It hit me. It's more real again. I could ignore most of the differences as cosmetic—just a costume ball—but this... it's real. All the stuff inside is female. But it can't be. I'm Tom; I'm a guy. This can't be real...." Again her eyes closed as she tried to close the world out. "I want to go home.... Please? "

Michael slid his arms around the distraught woman and pulled her into a hug. She responded on an unconscious level and clung to the strong, supporting body. "You're managing better than I anticipated when you started this. You're making those last few adjustments now, and it is as hard as it will ever be to cope. You aren't alone, though. Artemis and I are here to help, to be the support and the family you need now. Let us help you."

Artemis moved closer and resumed the physical contact broken by the hug. "When I first found out who would rebuild my Amazons, I was angry and resentful, but you gave up everything and have managed up till now despite the isolation and pressure." She used her hand to turn Nicole's face toward her. "I know it is still a shock, but I, too, have learned. I'm proud to have you as a daughter and the first of my new Amazons. You have courage to deal with this. You will succeed; I know it."

A watery half-smile acknowledged the encouragement. "It's just so hard. Even with the talks Michael and I have on Sundays and the time you and I spend every day, it just isn't the same as being with someone you've spent 30 years sharing your life with." She paused. "I get so lonely... I miss Beth."

Michael hugged the young woman again. "Today was a major shock to you. Even for someone born as a female, that first period can be a shock. You don't have experience at coping with this set of hormones, and that will take time. Give yourself that time; we'll both be here to help if you need it. Besides, you don't really want to break your vow do you?"

Nicole sniffed a bit as she responded, "No, not really."

Patting her on the back as he released her, Michael smiled. "I didn't think so. This is one of the toughest days you'll ever have. I guess we need to give you time today to cope."

"Thanks for the offer, but I still have my responsibilities. What about the horses?"

"I took care of them already," Artemis responded. "You can't let yourself hide from the problems behind your work. Besides, it will be best if you take time to learn the sensations of your period and when you need to get to a bathroom."

"Ummm. Yeah. Ick." Nicole drew a deep breath and huffed. "I can't exactly run away from that, can I?"

"No," her teacher smiled. "Now, are you up to getting yourself cleaned up and dressed, or will you need help?"

"I think I can manage, or at least I want to try. I'll call if I get stuck."

"Good, we'll wait downstairs for you. You might want to check on Elizabeth later; she seemed to miss you this morning."

"I'll do that. See you downstairs."

 

 

She was clean and in a stable frame of mind as she descended the stairs. The shrieking breakdown was 'The Hump,' that last obstacle to clear in the mental and emotional metamorphosis needed to match her new body. She—and even in her head that pronoun felt right—was not done with changes. There was still work to be done to fully integrate all of her mind, heart, and soul. But there would be no more significant contesting of the change. The costume was reality. Nicole, truly herself, would now greet the day.

She took only a minute to select a loose outfit, slacks and blouse, for the day, so there would be no problems if an abrupt trip to the bathroom was required. And, for today, a tampon. It was an utterly foreign sensation when she inserted the thing. Her brain had no wiring to process it, nothing to relate it to. Yet another corner of her new reality explored.

"So, are you two really up to spending the day with a PMSing Amazon?" Nicole's sense of humor fitfully reasserted itself as she eased into a new 'period' in her life. And at that thought she snickered to herself and truly began the day.

"And we're supposed to tell the difference exactly how?" Artemis shot back.

"Ouch! I'm wounded. But that's OK. I never get mad, I get even," Nicole retorted.

 

 

Tuesday, December 19, 2000

Estrangement

 

Nicole sat at the top of the stairs, quietly trying to ignore the date. The first Christmas away from Beth or any other family was less than a week away. Training each day was getting less physically demanding, and, despite being in the first 'period' she'd ever had, she felt better than ever. The horses were in the pasture, the barn was clean, and she didn't yet feel up to starting the day. Running or not, it was likely to be uncomfortable today, and besides it was still quiet downstairs. Michael and Artemis ordinarily had a conversation going in the early part of the day, but neither was around when she'd first gone out nor when she'd returned. Just sitting, avoiding the day, seemed nice for now.

The rattle of the door opening caught her attention, but as she gathered herself to stand a voice carried up the stairway.

"Michael, I don't know how to proceed with this person. He, she, whatever, is just barely able to get the basics down. And now this hysterical rant from yesterday...."

Nicole froze, stunned by the cruel and callous comment. This is the person who had called her 'daughter'? The one she called 'Mom'? She had relied on Artemis to teach her everything she needed to know about being a woman. Her emotions shut down, and she silently moved down the stairs.

"Artemis, you know this woman is the only hope you have for the Amazons. She's trying to adjust in six weeks to everything other women have years to learn. You can't argue she's not giving every effort to become what she needs to be. You can't have this attitude and not pay a price."

Nicole broke in from the stairway door, "Perhaps the situation could be helped if she was more open with 'IT' about her attitude." The tone was flat, emotionless, and devoid of the life and humor of previous mornings.

"Nicole!" The goddess started in surprise, as she wasn't expecting Nicole to be out yet.

The same flat voice broke in, "'IT' will suffice, or 'Tom' if you prefer. 'Nicole' somehow doesn't seem appropriate for your use."

At this point Artemis winced. The emotionless voice, she was learning, masked the utter fury this person felt. The change would be frightening were she someone with real power. The arrogance of this child was annoying—just weeks as a female and presuming to question her.

Michael watched the scene develop for the moment, ignoring the irritated glance from Artemis as she ignored the need to try to recover from the potentially fatal blow to her hopes—if she even realized the threat.

"You know," Nicole continued as she walked in, "as I grew up we moved so much that we had only family to rely on. My dad was away on Navy business, so I spent a lot of time with just my mom. I loved them both dearly, but she was always there, and I leaned on her for advice more than most guys did their mothers. That was why, I think, it wasn't too hard to deal with this situation. I had you to turn to, to give that advice and support."

She tilted her head, but her face remained totally expressionless. Even Michael couldn't feel any emotions on the surface, though the pressure from underneath was building.

"And now I find I'm a monster in your eyes. Your calling me 'daughter' is just a polite fiction. I find a major support I counted on was a broken reed."

"But...." Artemis was beginning to wonder. Was Nicole going to refuse the charge she'd previously accepted? Her face paled at that prospect. She had allowed her frustration with the slow education progress to blind her to the risks of not continuing that education. She had to stop this and try to repair the damage before it was too late.

"I'm NOT DONE. I don't care." Nicole gave a wave of dismissal. "I accepted this job; I'll bear the consequences of that decision and do whatever is necessary. I will also keep this to myself—I don't think I can carry out this project if a problem between us poisons your future relationship with your real Amazons, and real Queen, when they are chosen. I'll build them the best foundation I am able to build and get out of your way. Now I'm going to take the filly out for a ride. I'll be back when I'm sure I can continue to be civil."

The tall redhead swept out of the cabin, leaving a trail of emotional wreckage. Her new attitude was starkly reflected by her last statement. Since naming the filly weeks before, she had developed a real fondness for the horse. Artemis was shocked—never had Nicole referred to the animal so coldly. Her thoughtless criticism had caught even a loved animal in the backwash.

 

 

~How DARE she!~

An incandescent rage consumed the pain lurking within. Nicole walked in a fury toward the barn as her mind—damn her eidetic memory—replayed Artemis' words like an old LP skipping a groove.

She reached the barn and whirled through it; her new training from the betrayer and old experience as a Boy Scout helped her efficiently select and pack camping supplies for a week. She ignored the lightweight tent; the weather was invariably comfortable and the plants seemed to be watered from within the ground. A waterproof ground cloth was included to keep anything from coming up under her sleeping bag as she slept, even that omnipresent mist at night. A medical kit, matches, camping saw, shovel, knife, and hatchet, cooking utensils, mess kit, rope, duct tape, and flashlight quickly piled up on the tabletop.

She rooted around a bit in the cabinet. ~Ah-ha!~ She located the personal care kits. She lifted one out and opened it to check its contents. ~Hmmm. Comb, brush, toothbrush and paste, soap, toilet paper, washcloth and towel. Trash bags! I almost forgot!~ A quick check of the cabinet revealed a set of bags which joined the rest of the equipment. The last items collected were her sword, bow, and a quiver of arrows. For a moment she considered leaving them behind, but her life might depend on the skills. Reluctantly, she included them in the packing.

Finally, all the odds and ends required for camping were carefully stowed in a backpack. She didn't want to overload the saddlebags. Her anger caused several slips, and more than once an item suffered as it was hurled to one side as she repacked a bag.

Food came next. She selected lightweight, non-perishable, self-heating MREs for three meals a day for a week. Another pack was quickly filled with them and set aside. More supplies were chosen for the horse.

The first rush of anger crested and began to ebb as she started gathering a few grooming supplies for the filly.... ~No, Elizabeth.~ she mentally corrected herself. Her fundamental love for the horse began to reassert itself as her rapid actions slowed, then stopped.

The pain in her heart, checked by the anger, reasserted itself. Alone. Betrayed and abandoned. Lied to.

She slammed her hands down on a table as her control cracked for a moment. ~No! I WON'T cry!~ Blinking rapidly to reassert control over the tears that threatened to spill from her eyes, she entered the pasture to saddle Elizabeth.

The filly watched nervously, ears twitching, as Nicole approached. The last three weeks had built a bond of trust, but the rider displayed an emotional state that was new. Elizabeth heard Nicole's soft call and walked carefully toward the visibly distressed woman as she approached.

They met not far from the barn; the horse's long strides had covered the bulk of the distance despite her nervousness. The horse's ears twitched and her tail swished nervously; she flinched momentarily as Nicole reached out.

"Shhhh. It's OK." Nicole spoke softly and reached out slowly to soothe the nervous animal. The filly's body language broadcast her state of mind, but she slowly settled as her mistress worked at calming the horse's jangled nerves.

She brought the horse back to the barn and saddled her quickly. Another ten minutes of loading and the two were moving quickly off into the woods, the rider's ire rising again as the memories stoked Nicole's suppressed anger.

 

 

Dark came, and there was no sign of Nicole. A check of the barn's camping supplies showed a comprehensive kit was taken, including food for horse and rider for several days.

Michael refused to give the young woman's location. He knew where to find her, and always would. She was out there, seething in anger and betrayal. She was dealing with her feelings, her reality of being utterly abandoned.

Artemis brought Hecuba in at day's end and mechanically performed the required tasks as her mind raced to deal with her devastating foolishness of speaking her mind at the wrong time. She had not just burned the bridge. The bridge, piers, and river were thoroughly nuked. It had not occurred to her yet that what was in her mind was wrong.

 

Wednesday, December 20, 2000

 

~Yuck!~

By noon yesterday she'd realized a critical omission in her packing. Tom never had to consider it, but given her new body and the time of the month she vowed she'd NEVER forget tampons again. ~That squishy feeling is awful.~

The makeshift pad of plastic and toilet paper kept her underwear clean for the moment, but there wasn't enough paper to stay out for more than another day or two.

~I'm not sure that will be enough time.~ Her thoughts always spun back to trust. ~How can I ever trust her again? Or Michael? He at least should have warned me. ~ The heavy bronze sword found its way into her hand. An inoffensive tree found itself the recipient of her anger as she vented the pent-up fury of the last day. It was matchsticks by the time she stopped, panting from fatigue. The edge of the blade was notched and needed the rest of the afternoon to smooth again.

 

Thursday, December 21, 2000

 

Her hair was filthy. There was only so much combing could do, and there was no way Nicole was going to use plain soap.

~What do I do? The toilet paper is running out fast enough that I won't be able to stay out for more than another day. ~ She sat on the ground, head in her hands.

~I need them both. I can't trust Artemis. I'm not happy with Michael.~ The memory of that morning replayed again—Michael admonishing the goddess as they walked in. ~Why didn't he talk to her sooner.~

~I have to go back. I don't have supplies to stay out. Now how do I deal with them?~ She thought back; in her fifty-five years as Tom there had been times he'd encountered similar situations. There

had been times he'd had to work with people he couldn't trust.

First, she had to set aside the desire for revenge. That wasn't going to happen. So that left only one path: keep working with them on a purely professional basis. She'd call on those skills from her past to keep the other two residents at arms length. If she kept them at an emotional distance, she might be able to make it through the rest of her stay here. They could do what had to be done over the next two weeks.

And maybe it wouldn't hurt so much.

 

Friday, December 22, 2000

 

Artemis walked down to the barn to take care of the chores. No sign of Nicole for almost three days was beginning to really worry her. She looked out at the barn, wondering when Nicole would return.

Two horses. There were two horses in the pasture. She ran to the barn and found the stalls cleaned and refreshed.

Nicole was back. She spun and rushed back to the cabin.

 

 

"Good morning, My Lord." The same flat voice carried through the room.

Michael sighed. Even he was caught in the emotional backlash, and there wasn't time to repair the damage anymore. She had put up thick and high emotional walls and was unlikely to let anyone in. "Have I done anything to deserve this treatment?" he asked mildly. There was no point in, or time for, less than direct methods.

"You are complicit in this situation. You were unable or unwilling to have the Lady deal honestly with me. I prefer open enemies to skulking back-stabbers. I had not expected to deal with either yet. I was wrong."

Michael was not the only one to wince. Artemis stood just outside the door and heard as well.

"And you might as well come in, Lady Artemis," the young woman called loudly.

Artemis opened the door, finding Nicole at the table. Hair damp from a shower, she sat eating at the table. Her seat was different. Today she sat where she could see all the doors to the room, with her back to the wall. She sat where she could watch those proven unworthy of trust. Flat gray eyes tracked Artemis' every movement.

"I kept up with the training during my absence, and I see no need for your further involvement unless there is something new to add. The Etiquette School starts January 8^th, and there will be no problem keeping busy until then."

"Nicole..." Artemis tried to rise to her own defense. She had to try to explain that she was neither skulking nor an enemy. Not really.

"Harrison. Call me Harrison. That should be gender-neutral enough to avoid any discomfort or confusion on your part, Lady Artemis. I cannot change my appearance. I am saddled with being female whether I like it or not, and whether you recognize it or not, but I prefer only my friends use my given name. You don't qualify." She finished her meal and cleaned the dishes. "I'll be out training if you need me."

Artemis deflated at the outburst. Even with the problems of her first period, Nicole had seemed to embrace and even enjoy being a woman. Now it was 'saddled.' How could she be an Amazon without wanting to be a woman?

"Nicole?" Michael stopped her at the door.

"Yes, My Lord?" Still flat, precise, and formal.

"It doesn't have to be this way."

"I don't see anything to make me believe that. I let my guard down once, and I'm old enough in reality to have experience at that, too. What's the old saying? 'Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.' I don't give two bites at the apple. I see no more reason to trust Artemis than Artemis would see to trust Hittite traders." She continued out the door and was lost to sight.

Michael watched as she left. She was right—he had not forced the issue with Artemis. Nicole no longer trusted anyone, and that would be fatal to her task. Somehow he needed to start healing the relationships.

But how, he wondered, and would there be time?

The goddess sat. The fierce assault on the integrity of Michael was incomprehensible. He hadn't done anything. But, and she had to be honest with herself, she had. She had been as underhanded as the Hittites, hiding her real attitude. But... but if she didn't figure out what to do, the Amazons would die before they were truly reborn. And it would be all HER fault this time.

 

Monday, December 25, 2000

 

During her entire stay at the cabin, the weather had not varied—always pleasantly warm at every time of day. Nicole adopted the hilltop as her thinking place and refuge.

Two weeks. Only two weeks left to wait before re-entering the real world. This time last week she'd have bemoaned that fact, now she felt nothing either way.

And on top of it all it was Christmas.

~Merry Christmas. Be still, my beating heart. Whoopie.~

She flipped a small stone at a tree.

Yesterday she had left early and directly from the barn to avoid Michael after taking care of the horses. They were both skittish these days, able to sense the emotional turmoil. The filly glued herself to Nicole when she was around, the horse trying to offer what comfort she could. She felt sorry for the horse, knowing something was wrong yet unable to understand what. It was comforting to have that source of unconditional love right now. Someone she trusted to accept her for who and what she was who didn't care what she was six months ago.

Two more weeks.

She sat and stared out at the forest. Another stone went flying, pinging off the trunk of another tree.

 

 

Her hearing was getting sharper, or whoever was trying to make some noise so as not to surprise her. She listened to the noises as they approached. They had a long stride, so it was probably Michael.

~So, now what do I do? I'm not so much angry at Michael as disappointed, and he probably, no definitely, knows that.~ She sighed. ~Play it by ear time.~

Michael walked up the last turn of the path, trying to make enough noise not to startle his charge. She knew he was there, that was clear from the slight tension in her shoulders. He walked up and sat on the boulder beside her. As with the first time, he gave her time to see if she would begin the conversation. He had little hope of it happening this time though. Six days ago the relationship they'd shared had been shattered by a cruel remark made by Artemis. Before Nicole had been warm, lively, and humorous; now she was distant from both her housemates. "I missed you yesterday," he began.

~Showtime! There's no way to evade. No way I want to face that anger again.~ She shuddered at the memory, then squared her shoulders. "My Lord, I have a situation to deal with, and since you seem to be part of it I decided to forgo company. I couldn't talk with you about it, so I went up the chain and told your boss what was on my mind. He didn't say anything, but at least He listened."

He sighed, having heard the whole story from Him. Dealing with the repercussions was his problem. "Nicole, I wronged you terribly by not correcting Artemis' attitude. It was inexcusable, and I am truly sorry for both my failure and the hurt you suffered because of it. I can only ask your forgiveness and ask for a second chance."

Nicole sat quietly for a time. He'd said precisely the right thing. She couldn't not forgive. "Do you really understand? You were the parents for my new life. I need someone to teach me all the things a woman needs to know and help me over the emotional adjustments. It's all new and exciting and scary. I couldn't have been happier to have you two there to help. And I believed there was more than just pure duty, that you both really meant something when you called me 'daughter'." Her voice began to rasp as tears burned, though not yet falling. "And then I find the truth is that the one I had taken closest to my heart looks at me as a monster; she rejects me and all I am trying to do." She reached for a handkerchief to wipe the tears away.

"My...." She stopped and began again, "Michael, I don't know if I can properly forgive you two. I want to forgive you, but the hurt is so deep I'm not sure I can let go as I should. I really want to get back to 'daddy' again. I really want to. I need you." She turned and gave him a weak smile, lips quivering with the emotional strain and grief.

"I know—I just hope we can get back to you letting me call you 'daughter' again. Thank you for trying to forgive. That's the best Christmas present I think you could give right now, and I am thankful for it. May I give you a hug now?" He waited for the redhead to settle and respond.

"Yes, please. I think I miss those most of all. This loneliness is more than I can take."

The angel reached around her, her arms returned the gesture, and a bridge began to rebuild.

The two sat looking over the forest, basking in a closeness they each had missed.

Nicole felt some of the pressure in her heart ease. For the moment, the link Michael had with her seemed two-way. She felt the shame he had for his failure and the sincerity of his apology. She felt the depth of love he had for her. She snuggled in closer. "Merry Christmas, Daddy."

Michael sensed the ebb and flow of her emotions. He knew much repair remained, and he appreciated the peace offering. He shifted to look at her face and, as she looked back, he quirked an eyebrow in question. She nodded, giving permission for the word and accepting the restoration of trust. He smiled and held her close again. "Merry Christmas, daughter."

  

  

  

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