All For The Love of Becoming a Girl

by Robyn Smith

 

When we finally settled in for the night, Daphne, Mom and I got into a long, serious discussion about the baby we were planning, and the problems that the two of us would be facing in the world of teenaged parenthood. Mom also knew that, even if that were to happen, we would both finish high school and try to find some way to even go to college. It was comforting to see how well Mom was taking this.

It was also obvious - Mom was also looking forward to becoming a Grandmother. She was still so caught up in the joy of finally getting her very own daughter, that she too was allowing herself to just let go and dream. We even discussed how hard all of this would be on Dad, but Mom assured us that she thought she could handle him without too much difficulty, if we played our cards right. If not, then all bets were off.

The first two nights found Daphne and I crashing in my bed, and yes we did manage to slip in a couple of quick rounds of oral sex and a few hand jobs, but only after making sure that Mom was already asleep. That first night, we both wore our special panties and tried making sure we had succeeded in our attempts at expanding the size of our family. After that one time, we made it a point not to do anything else, during that week, that would go that far beyond Mom's wishes about us actually having sex in her house, or do anything that would take enough time, or make enough noise, to make Mom suspicious. As our "slumber party" continued, the three of us were all beginning to get into this transition thing full force. I was proving to be a fast and eager learner, and had pretty well stopped making major mistakes by the end of the second day.

I had learned how to stand, bend, sit and walk in a short skirt. I learned real quick to remember to sit when I pee. Late that first night, I had gone to the bathroom and without thinking, hiked my skirt so that I could just stand there and relieve myself. Daphne heard the noise from the toilet and just opened the door and walked on in, right in the middle of my efforts, swatted me soundly across the back of my head. This, of course, caused me to mess up my dress and panties. She angrily said, "I told you the other night, Sis - Ladies sit down when they pee, now turn around and sit."

I have not even once, allowed myself to pee standing up since, regardless of whether I am dressed in my male or female role. I fear that the day I do, will mark the beginning of Robyn's very existence coming to an end. That one particular act, of sitting each and every time, has become very symbolic to me for some reason.

I had learned the in's and out's of cosmetics. I even learned how a nursing mother can be modest in the art breast feeding, although I knew this particular activity would never come about for me. Mom felt that I should know, as a matter of protocol. We got to the point that we actually seemed to have forgotten that I had that extra appendage between my legs, and how much time had actually passed by. We were totally swallowed up in this thing.

Daytime clothes for Daphne hadn't been a problem either, we simply shared my new things. She had picked up a few items when I took her home that first evening, but still relied more on our washing machine and our sharing. Most importantly, we had progressed to the point that Mom thought nothing about Daphne and I going into my bedroom and changing clothes together. Mom had finally started to think of me completely, as her Daughter. I had even progressed to the point of answering the telephone as 'Robyn', whenever I thought I could get by with it.

Over the course of those few days, we also made numerous shopping trips. We went to the grocery store, we went to the mall, we went everywhere, just us girls. We hadn't wanted to make too many trips to and from Daphne's house, just in case her parent's were home and happened to look out the window to see who was there picking up their daughter. Even though I had reached the point of acting and looking the part, almost perfectly, they also knew the car, and that would have become a give-away.

We were soon working on the following Sunday afternoon, our summer vacation was flying by like a rocket ship. We had to begin thinking in terms of how hard it was going to be, for me to go back to becoming the boy that I had hoped to put into the past forever, but also knew that, that could never be.

We were tired from all of the "training activities" and had began just crashing in the living room to take quick late afternoon naps. As we napped, Daphne and I were, quite often, both in our matching Baby Dolls, Mom was in her nightgown, and all of us were still in full makeup. After all, we were just having a good old-fashioned slumber party, the kind I had often heard about, but never had the opportunity to experience first hand. I had Mom, and I had my 'sister' as well, who could have wanted anything else? I would just close my eyes and dream.

I would have pleasant dreams of what had happened. I would dream of how perfect my life had become, and how the Daughter that Daphne and I wanted so badly, would be such a welcome addition. I would even dream of the time when we could tell Dad about all of this, and visualize him receiving the news with open arms, and one of his broad smiles.

I dreamed of all of us becoming an even closer family. I even began dreaming of Daphne and I getting married, and actually arguing over which one of us would wear the wedding gown and which one would wear the tux. That particular dream would normally end with both of us wearing fancy wedding gowns. The ones made with a long flowing train and piles upon piles of lace. Then I would wake up and realize that I needed to exercise patience and be happy with what I had gained in reality, at least for the time being. I never took the time to mention this particular dream to either Mom or Daphne, I figured they would just laugh at me.

Suddenly, the front door swung open, and in walked Dad. For some reason he hadn't stopped to call us from the airport and tell us he was on his way home, like he always did in the past. The last part of his seminar had been postponed for a couple of days and he had been able to catch a ride, so he decided to just come home and surprise us. Boy were we surprised, almost to the point of having heart attacks. This was not in any scenario we had even vaguely considered as a possibility.

As Dad stood there looking, in utter disbelief, at the display in front of him, he suddenly put two and two together. It had finally registered that he was seeing his youngest son, laying on a blanket on the living room floor, wearing women's make up and girl's baby doll pajamas. He was so stunned that he couldn't say a word. He didn't really need to. Just looking at him, and that expression of hurt and utter contempt on his face, told all of us, in no uncertain terms, that he was really, really pissed. He just clinched his teeth, then turned around, picked up his suitcase, and walked back out the door. He never even gave us a chance to explain, and I don't think he would have bought into the idea of this just being either a setup or a prank that we had come up with to pick on him either. I had already become too much of a woman for us to pull that one off. Besides, we hadn't been expecting him to walk in either.

We already knew, deep in our hearts, that once I came out and revealed all of this to Dad, I needed to have already made a good portion of that transition. We also knew that, even this early, I had already come a long way to that end. But no matter how far I had come, we still weren't ready for this quite yet, especially under these circumstances.

Dad finally came back home three hours later and informed us that he had to go back to Texas, to finish up the last week of the seminar. He had come home to pick up some fresh clothes and spend some of his free time with us rather than sit around his motel room in Texas, by himself. Now he was beginning to think he had made the wrong choice. He had managed to calm down quite a bit, but still didn't say anything more about what he had seen earlier. Of course, by this time I was already back into my boy things, and hating every second of it, almost to the point of total repulsion. Dad never brought up what he had walked in on after that, perhaps because of the shame we had inflicted on him, perhaps for other reasons, I never found out for sure.

After Dad left the second time, once again riding with one of his co-workers in the car he had rented at the airport, we waited about half an hour, just in case he came back again for something else. Then I changed back for the rest of the evening, and we were into the Mother/Daughter mode once more, the only problem was that, with Dad's reaction, it wasn't quite the same. No matter what we tried, the mood was broken and very somber. We all knew it was just a matter of time before Dad found out anyway. But all of this hurt had never been planned or even expected. We had hoped and planned all week on bringing it out to him a little at a time, and under circumstances we could control. That way we could establish a comfortable pace and even back off a little if needed.

Once the seminar was over, Dad came home again, to the family that loved and needed him so much. It took Mom almost two weeks of prodding to get him to finally discuss the matter. She managed to get through to him by explaining that she, or rather they, finally had their 'daughter'. It hadn't worked out quite the way they had planned it, but they still had their daughter, none the less. Seeing the excitement and happiness in Mom's eyes, Dad's heart finally melted and he ended up giving in. He eventually even accepted the situation to the point that I could dress freely around him too, whenever either I wanted, or Mom requested, and that was almost on a daily basis by now. At least now, I didn't have to worry about being thrown out on my ear.

I think one thing that really helped too was that Mom had also confided in a couple of our neighbors that she had developed a close relationship with. They also accepted things, over time, and helped with the much-needed moral support Mom needed to get us through all of this. We had a few neighbors, who found all of this to be vulgar and distasteful, but we didn't get along with them anyway, so we just ignored them the best we could. One even went so far as to file complaints with the police and the Department of Social services. So we hired a lawyer, who in turn advised we sign on with a good psychiatrist. We did, then took on a multitude of legal battles. But that's all involved in another story.

I spent the next few years wishing I could get Dad over that final hurdle, but he was still too hurt and set in his ways to allow such a thing to happen. He had always dreamed of the day when I could go to work, side by side, with him at the Power Company, Father and Son taking on the world together. Mom and I had managed to rip that dream away from him, with no warning and no looking back. I never even took the opportunity to tell him how sorry I was to have taken that from him.

Dad loved Mom so much that he would have done literally anything to make her happy. Even though he had accepted the situation, he could never bring himself to support it very much or to be seen in public with his "Daughter". If Mom decided to go shopping with Robyn, Dad would always stay home.

We lost Dad about five years later. He had been travelling by car to yet another seminar, but never arrived, he had met a drunk driver on the way - head on. From what we have been told by other members of his work crew, he died happy. He was happy because Mom was so happy. He just never told them why she was as happy as she was.

We later learned that, on the morning of his accident, just before leaving his office, he had helped to fulfill our dreams instead of his own. Dad had gotten to the point of beginning to brag about his niece, "Robyn", coming to visit the following summer. He had told them that "Robyn" was a very pretty, well-mannered, and well-educated young lady. He even emphasized "very pretty", more than once. He told them that he was looking forward to Robyn's visit and that, if they behaved themselves, he might even bring "her" to work with him one day so that they could meet her.

We were told that, at the end of that conversation, that he actually pulled a picture out of his wallet to show them. Since Mom and Dad didn't have any nieces, we can only read into this that Dad was ready to move to the next logical level. He was finally ready to accept "Robyn", completely.

This loss hit us extremely hard, and it took a few days before we could even begin to think straight. Eventually, I got up the strength to look through Dad's wallet and found a copy of a photograph that Mom and I had taken professionally, that first summer, it was a picture of a Mother and Daughter, it was in fact, Mom and I.

We had gone to a local photographer and had an 8 X 10 and a few wallets made up. That 8 X 10 hung proudly in our living room, it ironically hung directly across from Dad's favorite chair. One of these wallet sized pictures had been left out on Mom and Dad's dresser and disappeared a couple of days later, we had always thought that it had fallen to the floor either behind or under the dresser. We had more copies, so we never really bothered looking for it.

Within the first three weeks after this adventure originally began, I had gotten to the point that I could quite easily pass in almost any situation I encountered. During that time I had also purchased another car and began picking Daphne up at work, as well as at home, as "Robyn". Her parents never caught on, because they never saw me in that car while I was in my male persona. If I had my way, they never would either.

On one of the earlier trips in the new car, Daphne had even introduced me to them as "Robyn", one of her new girlfriends, and an acquaintance of Terri's, from school. They never questioned it or put two and two together, possibly because of the mention of Terri knowing me. The next time Daphne or I, either one, wore those "special panties" was at the end of this three weeks, shortly after Daphne's next cycle. That little incident told us we had not succeeded in getting pregnant.

For Daphne and I, the beginning of the school year came all too early. It meant that I was forced to revert back to my male counterpart. This idea was approaching one of sheer torture for me. Although a few neighbors and close personal friends knew about me, the majority of the town, and our fellow students, didn't have a clue. In order to get through this period, I sat quietly day dreaming about what had transpired that summer. I dreamed of Daphne and I graduating, then settling down into a sister-sister relationship and raising our very own daughter. I also wore panties, pantyhose and sometimes even a camisole under my outer clothes, then tried to convince myself that I was just wearing a pantsuit. Evenings and weekends always found me as Robyn.

When Halloween rolled around in my senior year, I got up enough nerve to wear a really sexy dress, with full make up and heels, to school. I felt that, with Halloween and all, it was the perfect time for this. I naturally took a lot of ribbing from my fellow students about my choice of costume, which I was expecting. After all, how many High School Seniors even got dressed for Halloween anymore? Unfortunately, we found some of this hazing was really extremely crude and even threatening, but not too much - considering. Overall, the response at school had been very supportive and most of the ribbing had been good-natured.

Our High School had a split class schedule because of our large student population. One group of students, the one that Daphne and I were both in, started at 6:45 a.m. and the other one at 8:00. With this type of schedule, homeroom role-call wasn't until 8:00, which gave Daphne and I both one full class before homeroom. On this schedule, the early group of students had lunch at 11:00 and the second one at 12:00.

The teacher in my first class had counted me absent, because she refused to believe that I was actually who I claimed to be. The same thing happened in homeroom, and I was subsequently sent to the principal's office for nothing more than, trying to impersonate myself. At the principal's office, it took close to half an hour of arguing and a trip to the school nurse before they finally believed. They were so amazed with the thoroughness of my efforts, to so successfully conceal my true identity, that they just let it pass. They also gave me a note to show my other teachers so that there would be no further problems that day.

Lunchtime found Daphne and I cheerfully heading off campus. We went downtown to do a little bit of dress shopping. We figured that we could fit that into our schedule, then just grab a quick sandwich on the way back. Our shopping took us to a small dress shop that was only a couple of blocks from the school, and did a lot of lunch time business with the students. The school's traditional 'Open-Campus' policy, coupled with the fact that we were situated right on the edge of the downtown business district was perfect for us.

We found a couple of outfits that we just had to try on and headed off to the dressing room. We came out of the dressing room to model these outfits for each other and saw that a few of our other class mates had also come into the store to shop. By this time, they all knew who I really was, but none of them gave me away to the owner.

Instead, they came over to us and began complimenting us on our choice of outfits, then in a teasing manner, also complimented me on my successful transition into womanhood. One of them even picked out another outfit for me to try, which I gladly did, just to keep her happy. This little stop had turned into a small "girl only" party, with a lot of giggling and a lot of fun. The shop owner wasn't really paying all that much attention to the actual conversation, she was used to all of the giggling, so she just accepted it as normal.

Almost all of the other girls in my class loved what Daphne and I were doing. They said they thought it was really sweet, and that they could also see how much in love Daphne and I were. They said that we were a perfect match. Later in the day some of them also began making comments about wondering if their boyfriends would ever have the nerve to try this themselves some day. They went on to tell me that they thought it was a very cute costume/outfit and that I was playing the part perfectly. What seemed to amaze them the most was my mastery of heels and the somewhat girlish sway in my hips. They even commented that the sway appeared so much more natural than they would have expected, from a guy.

I noticed that even when they started out talking in terms of my "costume", they almost always ended up talking in terms of my "outfit". That little noontime stop at the dress shop was the perfect added touch, and gave my ego a much-needed boost from outside my original group. We told them openly that I was now "just one of the girls", in turn, they seemed to accept that comment at face value. That afternoon also found the ribbing from the other girls declining, and open acceptance beginning to become the norm, rather than the exception.

The girls said that, if they hadn't been told that it was me, they would never have suspected anything. Instead, they would have thought that I was a new transfer student or something. A couple of them even went so far as to say that, if they saw me in the restroom, for the first time, they wouldn't have even given it a second thought. These girls had managed to boost my ego to the point that I chose to try it again the very next day, but in a different, more conservative, dress.

That second day, the acceptance level changed drastically. Mostly from the other boys, but also from a few of the girls too, especially girls that Daphne or I neither one knew too well. A small group of the local "jocks" got threatening enough that they came right out and told me that " A Queer", was not only unwelcome, but was also not allowed to use either the boy's restrooms or the boy's locker room. That is, without either getting beat to a pulp or thrown into the hallway naked, with my dress and panties being run up the school's flagpole. They went on to say that this now applied, whether I was wearing a dress or not. To them, it didn't matter, as long as no one was looking at them in a sexual manner, when they were doing their thing. I remember thinking that it was typical that "I" should be punished for them being nervous and/or afraid.

As the threats continued throughout the morning, they also got more and more violent. These guys claimed that the restroom and locker room areas were for "Men Only". They went on to complain that they were also upset about their girlfriends trying to talk them into putting on dresses too, even as a joke, and that I had been the cause of that too.

I was completely devastated, realizing that I had made a fatal error in judgement. I was ready to just call it quits and run away from school and life forever, giving up everything I had worked so hard for all these years. As I was sinking deeper and deeper into this world of despair, a group of girls finally came to my rescue and told me that, if I wanted, I was free to use the girl's restroom and facilities. They were extremely upset, that their boy friends had taken all of this so seriously. All I had to do was to keep the teachers and principal from finding out, if I chose to take them up on their offer.

Almost all of the girls that knew Daphne and I fairly well, continued to be both accepting and supportive, even after these two days were well behind us. A couple of them eventually asked for a repeat performance just prior to graduation, but I reluctantly had to turn them down, because of the earlier incidents, until time came for our actual graduation. These girls said that they had felt, even before I had worn that first dress to school, that I was truly a girl being forced into boy's clothes, and that they trusted and believed in me, no matter how I dressed. They told me that they just wanted to get to know the real me a little better. They had actually begun to treat me as another of their "sisters".

At graduation, I wore panties, bra and pantyhose under by gown, just as I had always dreamed. By this time, nobody questioned my lack of trouser legs, nor did they pay much attention to the heels I was wearing. I guess I'm also lucky that they didn't check to see if I was wearing a dress either, because I wasn't. After the ceremony some of my female classmates actually took the time to thank me for allowing myself to be the real me.

  

  

  

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