All Dressed Up                     by: Janet L. Stickney                     JanetLynn17@Hotmail.com

 

I stood on the small terrace that ran across the back of the house, all dressed up and had everywhere to go, but no courage to do it. I watched as a small duck glided down to the water, settling on the calm surface making barely a ripple. I had spent hours in front of the mirror, primping and staring at the reflection there, the woman that looked back was young, no more than 16, with auburn hair and green eyes. I was dressed in a simple jumper and blouse, and the way the material hugged my figure would make any man stare at me with admiration because I had finely tapered legs, now wrapped in natural tan colored nylons that showed from mid thigh to my cute black heels. My lipstick was a muted red, with lip gloss that gave my smile a certain warmness. My small breasts pushed against the material of my jumper, accenting my narrow waist, and when I smiled, I seemed to radiate femininity. But I had never left this room, or the small terrace. My fears were so much more powerful than my desire to go outside, and the reality that lay there. I went back in the bedroom, and closed the door. Often, like now, I would walk on the terrace or stay in the room, alone, playing on the computer, the red polish on my fingernails a blur as I wrote about how I felt right at that moment. My back was to the door, letting my eyes absorb, over the tops of the monitor, the violet sky of the setting sun. I never heard the door open, silent on the well oiled hinges.

"Hello."

The sound of the voice meant only one thing. I had been found out! Afraid to turn around, yet knowing I had to, I slowly spun in my chair, to face my mother! I watched as mother slowly, and quietly, closed the door behind herself, and sat on the bed, not taking her eyes away from the auburn haired girl sitting at the computer.

"Would you stand up for me?... please?"

Shaken, I stood up, pulling the skirt of my jumper down, as if I could hide how I was dressed. Mother said nothing, merely looking at me, dressed as a young girl. Her eyes took in the jumper, my makeup and hair, the rose color of my nails, noticing how I stood, my hands firmly grasped in front of me. She also saw the fear on my face.

"Sit down honey, tell me about it."

A kaleidoscope of fears took over my mind, the arid taste of discovery making me nervous. Mom took my hand gently in hers, then simply waited. I sat, unsure of what to say, then I quietly told her all about it. It took an hour for me to tell my mother... everything. When I was done, a trickle of tears ran down my face, the shame I felt evident in the faint trace of my eyeliner that was drawing a dark line on my cheeks.

"Why did you think I didn't need, or want, to know about this?"

All I could do was shrug my shoulders.

"I'll bet that this has been a heavy burden to carry around all this time."

I nodded my head yes, and started to say something, but my mother told me to wipe my eyes and repair the damage, but not to change.

"When you're done come to the familyroom and we'll talk some more."

I walked into the room, the skirt of my jumper swaying with every step, my heart hard in my throat, a clutch of papers in my small hand. I sat across from her mother, wanting to sink into the floor in shame, and as I looked out the window, the low leaden sky of the coming late evening rain doing nothing to lift my spirits. My mother saw that the young lady in front of her was about to slip away, and try hiding in some recess of her mind, so she moved to sit next to me. She grasped my hand in her own. The reassurance I felt coursed through me as I looked into my mothers eyes.

"I can't call you Kevin when you are like this, have you given this girl a name?"

Of course I did, and for the first time, I spoke it out loud to someone else. "Kimberly" I said. As my mother looked into my eyes, she saw the effects of my tortured soul as I tried to cope, one with being here, with her, dressed like this, and second, telling her I had selected a name for my inner girl. My closest and most well kept secret was out in the open now, my hiding now gone in a heartbeat. Then, as my mother held me in her arms, she asked me a lot of questions about how I bought my clothes, how I managed to have breasts, as well as asking me if I had ever gone out in public. In the comfort of my mother's arms, I relaxed enough to explain everything.

"I used a catalog to figure out my sizes first, then I went to the store and bought them with my allowance. The breastforms are just nylons and birdseed, and I wear a padded pantybrief. I taught myself how to do hair and makeup, and no, I've never left the house."

"You've done a very nice job of it for somebody without any help Kim."

My mother sat back and smiled.

"I know more about what you are doing than you might think; not a lot, but some. For instance, I know that the one cruel fact about what you are doing is that it doesn't go away! It has gone on for ages, no matter what effort was made to stop it."

Mom held me closely.

"Since it won't go away, why don't we try and make it better. I'll help you if you let me. Maybe I can have that daughter I always wanted, even if it is only part time."

That's when I finally collapsed, and as my fears washed away in the arms of the one person I loved the most, I handed her the clutch of papers, my personal diary.

My mother took the papers and told me to relax while she read them. I waited, trying to watch the television as mother read my most secret thoughts, my fears and desires. As she read, my tortured soul leapt off the pages, my words leaping off the pages, screaming out my frustration, clearly defining my shame and fears. Mom could almost feel the tears in my heart as I wrote about buying the few clothes I owned, groping, searching, trying to come to grips with that unknown force that drove me so hard. But one thing was clear, I wanted to be the girl of my dreams, if even for a single day; a fulfillment of my desires. Then she knew that she had to help me realize my dream.

"I have an idea, let's go out tonight. We can have dinner somewhere nice."

I almost jumped up and ran out of the room!

"But I can't! What if someone sees me! I'll be run out of town!"

The fear on my face was clear, and mother got up, then sat next to me, took my hand in her own, and said.

"Kim, this is new for me too, but we can face it together. It seems to me that you can't stay in your bedroom for the rest of your life. I'll be with you all of the way, but I think that you should come with me to dinner."

I looked at my mother, searching for some sign of deception, but when I didn't see any, I nervously, and slowly, nodded my head yes.

"Good! I'll call and make the reservations!"

At mom's urging, I went to my bedroom to fix my makeup again and maybe change, but my wardrobe was extremely limited, so I had to wear what I had on.

Walking out of the house for the first time was hard, but once I had started, I could not, and would not, stop. With my mother for security, she and I walked across the parking lot, our skirts swaying in unison as I managed, with great effort, to keep in step with her. We were seated, and all during dinner I looked around to see if anyone was looking at me.

"Nobody is watching you Kim, relax!"

Finally, I did, just as dessert was delivered to the table. I was sure that nobody had recognized me, but I was wrong. One of the boys that worked at the restaurant had recognized my mother, and because I looked enough like myself, he put two and two together. The girl sitting there, me, is his friend Kevin! But Jim kept the knowledge to himself. Mom and I went home, sat and watched television until after the news, then mom gave me a nightgown to wear, and said goodnight. That night, I drifted off to sleep in a cloud of soft, sheer, nylon, a smile etched on my face as I went over every minute of the evening.

The next morning at breakfast, mother asked if I wanted to go out again.

"I'll be willing to bet that you need some more clothes. If you show me what you have, we can make a list of what you still need."

I wondered why mom was doing this for me, and when I couldn't stand it any more, I asked mom directly. There was a long pause before she answered me.

"I had a brother. His name was Greg. He killed himself with a shotgun when he was about your age, and when he did it, he was wearing some of my clothes."

She slumped in her chair and went on.

"Dad had always told us we could tell him anything, and when Greg told him about his wanting to wear my clothes, Dad went crazy. He called him all sorts of nasty names, then beat him with his belt until his entire back side was bleeding. Greg killed himself the next day. Your Grandfather has never recovered from that. Mom tried to make him understand about Greg, but he was like a wild man. Since then he has never mentioned Greg's name out loud. But he aged twenty years that day, and I decided that if I ever had a son that was different, no matter what, he would be able to tell me anything. After I read those papers you gave me, I knew that you and my brother were being driven by the same thing. That's why I'm helping you."

I sat in my chair shocked! I had never heard this story before!

"After that I read up on what Greg was doing, and I discovered a lot. All of the things I had thought about men dressing as women were wrong! When I saw you yesterday, I just knew that you needed me more than ever before, and I knew that I would rather have you wearing dresses than dead, which is the reason why I'm helping you."

Still shocked, I was unable to say anything! Firmly, yet softly, my mother said,

"After breakfast I want you to show me what you have in the way of clothes, okay?"

I nodded my head yes, then added, "I bought everything except the panties at a resale shop mother, it was the best I could do."

"Never mind that now."

What I had was not much. Two pair of cheap panties, a bra, one pair of pantyhose, one half slip, the jumper, one skirt, two white blouses, and the heels. I also had a modest makeup kit that was barely adequate, with no curling iron, rollers, or any bath things. As mom went through my things, I sat on the bed writing down all of the things mom told me I would need.

"I know it's a lot, but I would rather you be dressed correctly rather than look like a refugee from the street. You get dressed, wear the skirt and your penny loafers. Call me when you're ready."

It took me 45 minutes to change.

Walking into the mall in broad daylight was making me sweat a little, and I tended to hurry. It was only my mothers restraining arm that kept me in step. We went directly to Sares, a huge department store that was geared for the family budget, and I stood helpless, yet excited, as my mother piled panties, two bras, some slips, and pantyhose in her arms. Then she added a waist nipper, and when she saw them, she could not resist, then making me join her in the changing room.

"These are very nice breastforms Kim! They are the correct size for your build, and they're on sale. Try them on."

I took off my blouse, removed the homemade breastforms, and slipped a new breastform into each cup of my bra, making the 'A' cup bra look and feel more natural.

"These feel heavier Mom."

"They told me they are the correct weight for that breast size Kim; you're just not used to them yet."

I wore them out of the department, throwing my old homemade ones in a waste can on the way out.

In the dress department I tried on, then bought three dresses, four skirts, and three more blouses. In the shoe department I bought another pair of heels, and two pairs of flats; one white, one black.

"Can we take these to the car Mom, my arms are strung out!"

After we had taken everything to the car and were on the way back into the mall, Jim saw me and walked over.

"Hi! I'm Jim White."

I felt my fear rising and in a state of almost sheer terror, I almost said my real name. Instead, with immense effort, I said "Kim Benson." I was about to faint, but mom just watched as Jim took me by the hand and drew me to the side.

"I saw you at the restaurant last night Kim, and if you hadn't been with your mother I never would have known it was you!"

Before I could say anything Jim told me he wanted to come over that night! I wanted to run away, but didn't really have any choice, not if I wanted to try and explain things to him, so I answered, "Um... okay, I guess.

"See you then" Jim said as he walked away.

"I'm dead mom. Jim knows perfectly well who I am!"

"That's probably true, but he did not give you away, or laugh, or anything else. Maybe he just wants to be better friends."

Then we went to a drugstore where I bought, with moms help, some hair remover, razor blades, bubblebath, a few makeup items I had wanted, and a few items mom told me I would need, like a curling iron and a wide brush.

Like most people, I wanted to try on all of my new clothes, so I went to my bedroom and started to hang up, or put away, all of my new clothes. When I undressed, I removed one of the breastforms and studied it, discovering that I could, if I wanted to, attach them to my skin! The instruction sheet in the box told me how to use the strips in the box, and even provided a small tube of seam concealer! I put it back in my bra and selected one of my new skirts to wear. For the rest of the day I was like a cat on a stove as I waited for Jim to come over, trying on several outfits before I settled on the first one I had on.

Sitting in the familyroom trying to watch the television while waiting for Jim to arrive was, I thought, a little like waiting for the executioner to pull the handle, and I fidgeted quite a bit until mom told me to sit still.

"I'm sure it will be okay. I'll be here just in case."

The doorbell rang, then I waited as mom went to answer the door, but instead, I was told to open it myself! I walked to the door, peeked out through the small opening, and saw Jim standing there, alone. I opened the door and we looked each other right in the eye, fleeting moments of wonder and fear in each others eyes.

"Can I come in?" I moved aside and Jim walked in.

"Damn you look good!" Jim followed me to the familyroom and sat across from me.

"I saw you the other night but I didn't know you until I saw your mom." Jim wanted all of the facts, but I didn't tell him everything right then, just enough to keep him happy.

Jim looked at me and thought about the boy he knew was under the makeup and skirt. I'm shorter than average, maybe 5'6" and a little over 125 pounds, but I now looked a lot smaller!

"Um, what do I call you again? Obviously not Kevin!"

I told him what my name was, and after we poured some soft drinks and returned to the chairs, Jim told me not to worry.

"I know you're afraid that I might tell everybody, but I won't. If we go to someplace private I can tell you why."

I led the way to the patio, Jim right behind me. My mother watched as Jim and I went outside, smiling because she felt that I had probably found a friend that seemed to accept me just the way I am.

"When I saw you at the restaurant I almost fainted Kim! You looked so good, and you made me want spend some more time with you!"

I sat on my chair, a smile breaking across my face as Jim raved about the way I had managed to look that night.

"I was scared" I said, "really scared. It was my first time out of the house." As an afterthought, I added, "Mom said I couldn't stay in my room forever and made me go with her."

Jim listened, but he only had eyes for me and almost missed what I said, but told me,

"I'll bet that when she suggested that you go out she didn't have to twist your arm to hard to get you to agree; am I right?"

I smiled and shook my head no.

"I guess I wanted to go out, but I was afraid of being discovered." Jim looked at me, drew in a breath, moved his chair closer to mine, and took my hand in his.

I thought right then, that Jim had an attraction to me that went beyond just friendship, but also, right at that moment, it didn't seem to matter. I had a friend that I felt I could count on, one that would not reveal my secret. Then Jim asked me out! To say that I was stunned to the core was an understatement!

"I can't... I'm not sure that...!"

"That's okay Kim. Just think about it."

We stayed on the patio until mom said it was late, and as Jim left to go home, he told me he would call me in the morning. In bed, I thought about Jim, my mind lingering on how his hand felt as he held my own. Both Jim and I would be juniors next year and I knew for sure, in my heart, that I would not change the way I dressed when I went to school. I would remain a boy, and when I graduated I could then consider my options. The thoughts of my mother's revelation about the family secret, then my friend Jim, kept me awake for quite a while, until, at last, I drifted off to sleep. Mom, alone in her own room thought about how I had looked when she first found me dressed. The terror on my face must have been exactly what her brother looked like when their father found out. She knew that she would do whatever it took to make sure that I did not find any reason to seek the same solution her brother did. Mom also knew it would be hard for both of us, especially me, to try and adjust to the new reality of my femininity, especially now that my friend Jim knew about my secret.

The next morning I slipped on my robe and went to breakfast. I looked halfway between boy and girl, with my hair still holding some of its shape and the traces of lipstick I had worn, but my flannel pajamas made me look like my old male self. I was truly a sight! Mom didn't say anything except to ask me if my friend was coming over.

"I don't know for sure Mom. But he asked me out on a date!"

That really shook mom up a bit!

"Are you going to go?"

"I don't know yet. What if someone sees me and recognizes me like he did?"

With great effort, she said, "Didn't he say that if I had not been there he would not have known?"

I had to agree. "Well then, it seems to me that if you decide to accept his offer then you should be pretty safe, but it is entirely up to you." I helped clean up the dishes and went to my room to change. Because I wanted to stay dressed as a girl for as long as I could, I looked longingly at my new clothes knowing that Jim might call or come over. If I was dressed as a girl, then he would know my answer would be yes. I stripped and went to the shower, and while I was there, I shaved as close as possible. I decided I would dress as a girl one more time.

When I went back to the familyroom, I was wearing one of my new dresses. It was called a Skimmer, the very one my mother was the most concerned about because it was so short. I had pulled back my hair on the sides with barrettes that I had clumsily put in, my makeup was pretty good, and my gold button earrings glinted in the light. I smelled of a light perfume that trailed after me wherever I walked. Mom said nothing when she saw me, she just straightened the barrettes out and used a brush to make my bangs fuller, then she left me to wait for Jim to call later that day. I sat on the sofa, the hem of my dress at mid thigh as I waited, watching the television. About half an hour later there was a knock on the door. When I opened the door I saw a young lady standing there that looked very familiar. she just couldn't place her.

"Hi. I'm Jill. I think you were expecting my brother Jim, but I came instead."

It was the voice of course. I recognized her voice at once. It was Jim! I let her in, then introduced her to her mother. Mom, was shocked to the core! Jill looked wonderful, every inch a young lady!

We went up to my room and closed the door behind us. We stood looking at each other, the bed between us.

"I probably should have told you, but when I saw you the other day I just couldn't."

I listened as Jill tried to tell me something else. "I've been doing this for a long time now. I thought I was the only person like me around until I saw you." I knew the feeling.

"I found some neat sites on the Internet Jill. Let me show you."

I flicked on the computer, and they were quickly looking at places I had found. With some urging from Jill, we went searching the net some more, and found a lot more places that catered to people just like ourselves. Within twenty minutes we were like any two other girls anywhere. Drawn by a mutual desire, we had instantly become closer friends than either of us had ever imagined. Mom called us down for lunch, and when we walked into the kitchen, we saw both of our mothers were sitting there!

Jill and I stopped cold in our tracks, not knowing what to expect or say.

"Hello Jill. Come sit next to me."

Her mother motioned to a chair next to her and Jill slowly made her way over and sat down. I did the same, sitting next to my mother.

"It seems that we both have daughters we didn't know about."

Jill's mother spoke, but there was a softness in her voice, My mother added,

"Now we want to know what to do about it."

I was very happy just as things were and didn't see any reason to change things, and thought Jill felt the same way, so I told them that. Our mother's looked at each other, then they informed us that we were all going out that night, the four of us, and that Jill and I should plan on getting as dressy as possible. We had to be ready by 6 that night. Jill and I looked at each other, then still in shock, we went back to my room.

"Do you have any idea what they have in mind Kim?"

"Not a clue, but I know for sure that I'll be spending some time this afternoon getting ready! Maybe you should too."

Jill agreed, and went home with her mother.

I quickly stripped down and was about to fill the tub when mom came in. "Instead of shaving, let's try this stuff. I was standing in just my panties, quite still as mom smeared a cream all over me. The smell was terrible!

"It says to wait thirty minutes then shower. You do that then you can take a bath."

As I waited, then stood in the shower, mom filled the tub. I went to the bath, then stepped into the warm, sudsy water, and carefully checked myself all over for stray hairs. I felt wonderful as I stepped out of the tub, my skin soft and silky smooth, then I reached for the soft fluffy towel. At her house, Jill was, under her mothers direction, rubbing the hair remover all over, enduring the same ugly smell that had filled my room.

I had slipped on a clean pair of panties and was looking in my closet when mom walked into the room.

"It seems like we have all had a lot of surprises in the last few days doesn't it?"

I nodded my head yes, and sat on the bed.

"Let's not think about that right now. Let's make you a pretty as we can instead!"

Mom took me by the hand, and we went into her room where she had me sit at her vanity, then she carefully put some rollers in my hair.

"Now, I want to watch you do your own makeup. I'll just watch and help if I think you need it."

I began to carefully put on my makeup, just like she had seen mother do, and had tried so many times before. With just a few hints from mom, I carefully put my makeup on. The first time that mom had seen me I was pretty in a plain sort of way, now, while I was not pretty in some kind of exotic way, I was kind of cute! Looking radiant, with my eyes accented in soft colors, outlined in deep black, my face evenly toned, then, with a soft coral blusher, my cheeks were highlighted just right. .

"I have a dress that's a bit small on me. Maybe it will fit you. Why don't you finish getting dressed and I'll find it."

I nodded my head yes and went back to my own room. On the bed I saw that my mother had laid out some lingerie for me. Just as I picked up an item from the bed, mom walked in.

"Let me show you how that goes on."

With that, I endured having a corselet wrapped around me, then getting used to it as it grew tighter when mom pulled the laces closed. Under my mothers watchful eye I finished dressing, surprised when I put the bra on and found that I could almost fill the cups!

"It's because of the corselet dear. These will fill out the rest."

Then mom slipped some soft oval pads into the bra and showed me how to 'fluff' my new boobs to create cleavage. As I pulled the pantyhose on mom showed me the dress. It was red, made of a shiny satin like material, with one inch wide straps and a square neckline.

Mom helped me slip the dress over my head, then zipped it up as I stood in front of the mirror. The hem was above my knees, and just like the Skimmer, it showed a lot more of my nylon clad legs than I had normally worn. With the dress clinging to my now perfectly sculptured figure, we went back to moms room. The rollers were taken out and my hair was brushed and teased into a very feminine pageboy type of bob. After I was done, I gave me some earrings, a bracelet, and as I fastened the necklace around my neck, mom told me how pretty I was. The small red pendant hung just above, and between my breasts, glistening with every movement, just like the matching earrings did. "Turn around" she did, and mother gave me a squirt of her very best perfume and handed me a deep red lipstick.

I waited in the familyroom while mom dressed, walking around in the new heels and listening as the dress rustled with every step. The hallway mirror beckoned me, and she stood, looking at the girl I saw reflected there, wondering if it was really myself. All signs of the young boy were gone now, hidden under the dress and makeup. The reflection exactly mirrored the mental image I had dreamed of all of those times I had locked myself in my bedroom, dressing in fear and shame. When mom walked into the room it was like seeing an older version of myself! Mom had the svelte, adult figure that many men admired in a woman; her blue eyes surrounded with a subtle bit of eyeshadow, her lips, traced in a deep red, did nothing but accent her natural beauty. The dress was all black, a sleeveless sheath with a scoop neckline and a hem that was at least an inch above her knees. I had rarely seen her mother look so nice.

Jill's mother had never seen Jim this way before, but she had always known that he was doing something, many times she would find clothes missing, or moved, yet she had never managed to figure it out. After her husband, a Navy carrier pilot had been killed during a landing, she had tried to give her son all of the attention she could. Then she met Harry, when Jim was just 8, and Harry provided the male figure she thought her son needed. They were not married, but he was like a father to Jim, and that's what she wanted for her Jim. Now, at age 16, he had revealed his innermost secret to her that very morning; he had boldly shown up at the breakfast table dressed like any girl his own age, and to her shock, he looked very nice! She knew that he must have bought the clothes himself because she had never seen them before. He wore a skirt that was just above his knees with a round neck sweater with a round collar of a blouse showing. His legs looked smooth and hairless, clad in nylon and on his feet he had on a pair of short heels. His blond hair had been brushed out in a longer pixie style with small gold earrings that hung from his ears. He had simply walked into the kitchen and said good morning and sat at the table, as if it was the most natural thing in the world!

Claire, his mother sat across from him and tried to maintain her calm while she asked him what was going on.

"Mom, I have felt like this since I can remember, and I have decided to show you rather than just tell you."

This is not what his father would have wanted that's for sure, she thought to herself, but she waited for him to tell her the rest.

"I met a friend of mine at the restaurant, and she was dressed like I wanted to be, so I'm going over to her house today."

His mother Claire knew right then that his 'friend', was a boy just like him, so she asked who it was, and when he told her she was startled because she knew Ellen quite well, and she had never said anything about this to her! Jill stood up to leave.

"I like the name Jill mom", went to the door and left the house, leaving Claire in a state of shock.

By the time Claire had gathered herself and cleaned up the dishes, she decided to talk to Ellen about their sons, so she called. Ellen was pretty open about it, and told her that maybe they could let us experience something special, like a night out, all dressed up. "Maybe", Claire said, "they would feel they had reached their dreams and then maybe we could convince them to quit."

Ellen had to set her straight about that.

"Claire, males that are attracted to the feminine side of life always have it. You can't cure it, or scare them out of it. All we can do is try to cope with it, and if they want to go out, we have to make sure they pass as girls so that they don't get into trouble."

They talked for a while longer, and decided to test our abilities themselves by taking us out someplace real fancy, that very night.

"I have something that Jill can wear, and as you suggested, I'll help her get ready by 7."

When they were both ready, mom said it was time to go. I was on cloud nine as I stepped out of the house, for the second time ever, the short skirt of the dress swirling around my legs as I walked to the car, stepped in, and felt the smoothness of my nylons as I slid across the leather seats.

Claire, taking Ellen at her word had Jill strip, then applied the creamy hair remover all over her. 30 minutes later Jill stood in the shower watching as the pitiful few hairs she did have washed down the drain. As instructed, she washed her hair and shaved under her arms before she went back to her bedroom, and saw some clothes piled on the bed. Claire handed her some clean panties, then had her pull on the pantyhose.

"Stand up dear."

Jill did as she was told, and her mother began to lace up the short corset. It was one of her old ones, but she was sure that on Jill it would work just fine, making her sons normally pudgy figure more feminine in shape. Jill huffed a bit as the laces grew tighter, but in a few moments she grew used to the garment and the way it felt. Before her hair dried out, Claire sat Jill at the vanity and used her curling iron to create a rounder hair style for her, making her blond hair fuller, then watched as Jill put her makeup on. Under Claire's direction, when she was done, Jill looked as radiantly beautiful as any 16 year old girl. Then the dress was slipped over her head, the soft green dress sliding down her frame easily. She settled it on her shoulders and her mother quickly zipped it up. Jill loved the way it looked on her, the material hugging her new figure like paint, her newly formed breasts straining against the material as if they wanted out. Her mother handed her Jill's own black heels which made her legs look wonderful! Her jewelry was all gold and emerald, the pendant hanging tight to her neck while the earrings were swinging from her lobes with every step.

"I'll go change" Claire said, "Why don't you wait in the familyroom."

Claire looked as good as mom, both of them having spent a lot of time in the gym, but she only looked ravishing compared to mom's delectable. Jill and I stood looking at each other, evaluating how the other looked in comparison to themselves. It was something our mothers were familiar with, as they did it as teenage girls themselves! Mom drove us to the restaurant, silently watching Jill and I in the back seat as she drove.

Walking into the restaurant was a little scary for both of us, but we were both committed when we left the house. The feel of the nylon on our legs as we walked, the soft sway of our dresses, the scent of the perfume made us feel heady, and very excited. We were escorted to the table, located on the second tier overlooking the dance floor. We both ate in silence, afraid we might start giggling in our excitement, but after dinner, when the music started, we finally started to relax. Then two young men came to the table and asked us to dance. Both Jill and I knew them from school! I looked at mom for support, some way to get out of it, but she merely smiled and told me to have a nice time! Fred took my hand in his and led me to the dance floor and swept a very nervous girl into his arms. I looked around his shoulder and saw Jill being held tightly by David, trying very hard not to smile too widely. We danced while our mothers sat and watched as we reacted to the boys.

"It doesn't look like they are objecting very much does it Ellen?"

"Reminds me of when we were kids."

Our mothers watched as we sons were swept around the dance floor, smiling and laughing. We stayed for another few hours, then our mothers told us they had to go home. Fred and David escorted us to the car, and asked if they could call us the next day, and without a thought, Jill said "sure!" and got in the car next to me. When mom and I got home she asked me if she had a good time.

"I loved it mom! I never once felt out of place or that anyone knew about me, or Jill!"

Mom didn't say anything, but unzipped her dress and told her to clean up and go to bed.

The next morning, when I came to the breakfast table I had on my own jeans and a blouse, no makeup, and my hair only roughly brushed out. Mom didn't say anything right away, but casually asked me what she was going to wear when Fred and David came over. The brought me up straight in my chair, my mouth wide open.

"Remember, Jill told them to call? She gave David her number, so I can't imagine Fred not stopping over later."

Ellen let me worry a bit, and then suggested that I get a little better dressed.

"I'll help you with your hair." I nodded my head yes and went to my room to change.

I quickly stripped, careful to not mess up my hair or makeup, put on a new bra, slipped in the new breastforms, and sat on the bed to put the pantyhose on. The padded pantybrief was next, then the waist nipper. The skirt I had chosen was short, almost 3 inches above my knees, and the blouse was white, sheer enough that a person could see my bra, but only faintly. I stepped into the new flats, spun to look in the mirror, and added some more lipstick, and lastly, used some of mothers perfume. In the jewelry box I found some small gold hoop earrings and a dainty gold chain with a green pendant to match the skirt. Smiling at my reflection, I went back to the familyroom. While I was changing, mom had decided to see just how far I would go in my efforts to be look like, and be treated as, a girl my own age. But in her heart she knew that I had discovered something about myself, and I liked it. It would be very hard now, to deny me the chance to find out the rest. That's why she went along with my seeing Fred. It would be a true test.

Jill called and told me that David and Fred would be over at 3, and she would walk with them to my house. I was nervously checking the way I looked so often that mom had to tell me to settle down. I almost jumped in the air when the doorbell rang, almost running to open the door. I let them in and introduced everyone to my mother again, who quietly faded away. Fred took my hand and we walked into the familyroom, then, as I went to sit down, I felt Fred pull me to him. I sucked in my breath and sat down, a shiver running up my spine. A bit later, Jill and I served some drinks and chips and we watched television for a while. David I saw, had his hand on Jill's leg, and moments later started kissing her with more than gentle passion. Fred saw it too, then pulled me closer to himself, and as I turned to look at him, he kissed me, and suddenly, I felt his tongue on her lips! I did not open my mouth, even though I wanted to. The feelings coursing through me were so intense that I did not mind as his hand wandered north, up my leg, until his hand rested on my upper thigh. Mom knocked on the wall and came in to see four teenagers trying to disentangle themselves, and knew right away what was going on. All four of us were red faced, and the boys were trying to hide a very obvious bulge.

"Just checking; anyone want anything?"

Nobody responded, so she left the room, and while she was not smiling, she knew now just how much I would go to be accepted as a girl! Jill and I loved the attention, and Mom knew it. Fred quickly put his arm around me and pulled me close again, and I did not pull away, so he began to massage my leg. That's when I realized what he was doing. I squirmed and moved a bit, which was enough for Fred to take my hand and place it on his member. I recoiled in horror and stood up.

"None of that Fred!"

He smiled, knowing that maybe later, he would try to make me more receptive. At 6 mom made the boys go home, and after they left she faced us.

"I know that this is all new to you two, and you are excited by what has happened, but if those boys find out who you really are then what will happen?"

We looked at each other, unable to answer her. Neither one of us made a sound as mom looked at us with that disappointed face she sometimes used on me.

"Those boys think you two are girls, and good girls don't act this way!"

She sat on the couch and faced Us. "Have either of you thought about what might happen when you go back to school? If those two recognize you..."

She did not have to say any more, because both Jill and I knew she was right.

"I guess it got out of hand Mom. It won't happen again, promise!"

Mom knew from her own experiences that my promise was very likely good, right up until Fred kissed me again, but since she had little or no control over that, she shrugged her shoulders and told Jill to go home.

I had to go to school the next day, so I reluctantly changed my clothes, took a shower and washed the perfume and makeup off. The next day at school Jill and I carefully watched both Fred and David to see if they had figured out who Jill and I really were, but both boys gave no sign of it. By the middle of the week I had started to relax, and went on as if nothing were different in my life.

Jill wore panties to school every day, never giving a thought to the fact that someone might see her panty line, or, when she bent over, that the soft pink of the panty would show itself. Fortunately, I was the one that saw it and mentioned it to her. After that, she wore her own briefs each day. Both of us knew that we were walking a very thin line, because the slightest slip would give us away, and probably ruin us for the rest of the time we were in school. At a minimum, we would have to endure the taunts and jokes without being able to strike back, but by the time Friday came, both of us once again wanted to get dressed and go out. There was just one problem, our mothers.

Mom and Claire had talked about us wanting to dress as girls of course, trying to decide what to do, but one thing was obvious to both of them. Both of us liked dressing as girls, and did not seem to be afraid to go out that way!

"No matter what we do or say, I'll bet they keep doing it Ellen, so we might as well make sure they do it right. It might help us keep them from getting to crazy about it, or doing something stupid and getting found out."

That's when they both decided to treat us just as if we were girls... but only on the weekends, at least for now. That night, both Jill and I got the same message.

"From now on, since you want to be a girl, on the weekends you can help me clean house, wash clothes and so on. Then, after we have done all that, you will be free to go out. But I have to approve of the way you look and I have to meet any boy you want to go out with."

I was stunned to say the least, but I did as mom told me, and by early Saturday afternoon we were done with the chores. I was tired, but I went to my room to take a bath and change, and immediately felt better. Jill called about an hour later, and after we talked, we found out that we both had been told the same thing!

Fred called me about 3, asked if he could come over, and when I asked mom, she almost seemed to encourage me to say yes, so, I spent the next hour getting dressed. Because I was already dressed as a girl, all I did was freshen my makeup, brush my hair out, and put on a clean blouse and skirt. Fred was very aware that mom was there, but she saw the way he looked at me, watching my every move. Like a hawk on a mouse, or, a boy that liked what he saw, and wanted it. Mom made sure that we were not able to repeat the earlier incident, and Fred went home after a few hours. But mom said she was pleased with the way I behaved around Fred, and forgot her earlier disappointment at my behavior.

Mom let me enjoy the rest of the weekend, and we even went out to dinner on Saturday night. But the following Friday afternoon, when I got home from school, mom told me to go to my room and strip.

"I have a surprise for you, so I want you to use the cream hair remover all over, and use the razor to get any stray hairs. I'll be up in an hour."

I was a little surprised, but I did as I was told, and in about an hour, mom came into my bedroom with some clothes in her arms.

"This is a corset dear, it's designed to give you an hourglass figure. Now, hold your arms up in the air."

I did as I was told, and after the hooks on the corset were fastened, mom started to pull the laces tight. When I began to complain, she said, "Be quiet Kim, it's just to make you look better!"

By the time mom had pulled the laces as tight as they would go, I had a 22 inch waist! When I let my arms down I discovered that I had a modest amount of breast!

"I have decided to show you how you look all fixed up, like you were going to a fancy dance."

Right then I knew that I would love what was about to happen, but I had never dressed this fancy before and I wasn't sure why mom was doing this.

"Take off your panties and put these on dear."

I reached out and took the padded pink panties, and discovered that they gave me a more rounded figure and still looked like panties. I stepped into them and pulled them up tight, trying to hide my maleness. Next came the hose. They were mostly nude in color, with shiny silver threads in the mesh. I sat on the bed to put them on, then mom fastened the garters and pulled them tight.

"Come with me!" I followed mom to her bedroom, and sat at her vanity.

It took her almost an hour, but mom rolled, curled, and brushed my hair into a sexy, yet fluffy hairdo with a small pink bow in the front, just over my bangs. Mom did my makeup in bright colors, using plum, rose, and pink eyeshadow, with deep black eyeliner and pencil. My eyelashes were also brushed out with black mascara, making them longer and thicker, then on my cheeks I had a deep coral blusher brushed on. Of course, and to my great dismay, mom had made me turn away from the mirror while she did all this, wanting me to see the finished results. Back in my own room, mom again used the small oval pads to lift my own breasts, filling out the cups of the bra and giving me a deeper cleavage with fuller breasts. The dress was pink satin with white lace trim. Mom helped me put it on, then zipped it up the back. The dress was a bit snug, hugging me like a coat of paint! It was sleeveless, with a sweetheart neckline in front with a low back that went right to the edge of the corset, with the hem that was just above my knees! Mom handed me the shoes which were pink patent leather with silver rhinestone buckles on the toes. She had me stand still while she slipped the earrings into my pierced earlobes. The earrings were pink and silver surrounded with small rhinestones. Around my neck went a small silver and pink pendant on a silver chain, which hung between my breasts perfectly. She also spent the time to make my nails a soft pink. Lastly, she traced a cupids bow outline around my mouth, and used a deeper pink lipstick to fill in my lips.

"Now you can look Kim."

My first impression was one of stunned surprise. My now longer nails tweaked at the tight satiny material, and I sighed.

"It's makes me look...wonderful mother!"

"Well, you acted like such a good girl that I thought I would help you go one step farther. How do you like it?"

I brushed back some cascading curls to peer into the mirror and shake the long earrings loose. But no matter what angle it showed, the reflection was an auburn haired girl entirely in pink. Pink ankle strapped spikes, shiny stockings, pink satin and white dress, pink earrings, pink lips, pink eyelids and a pink bow.

"Pink makes you so innocent. It must be your color Kim." Mom smiled again, then said, "I bought this the other day just for you dear, and I'll bet that you love it!"

I peered at her shiny reflection in the mirror, while ten nails sparkled pink as I felt the smooth satin of the dress.

"These heels are higher than I've ever wore before mom, and I still feel a little wobbly!"

"You'll get used to them Kim. They're only three inches high, which is the normal for most women."

Mom stood back and watched as I suffered in the heels, but I was walking around my bedroom, trying to get used to them, just like any girl would. I was stunned that my mother would do this for me, and I was speechless as I stood in front of the mirror. I looked like a debutante, a very young debutante! I spun around on the new heels and felt the tears welling in my eyes.

"Thank you mother, I love it." Mom told me I would have to dress this way...

"If you get invited to a prom, or some other fancy place. I know that you're having a lot of new a conflicting emotions right now, and I also know that having someone kiss you is fun and all that, but letting them just touch you is out of the question Kimberly Ann. If you want to be my daughter I expect you to be a lady, understand?"

I nodded my head yes, then mom helped me undress.

"Go wash your hair and take that makeup off, and we'll try it again, okay?"

I hugged her, stepped out of the shoes, and after she helped me get all of the clothes off, I went to the bathroom to clean up.

I returned to the bedroom and saw some clothes on the bed, and mom sitting in the chair waiting for her.

"You would rather be a girl than a boy wouldn't you Kim."

How could I deny it now? Of course, I answered yes.

"Why don't you let me put the corset back on, and we'll change everything else."

She gave me the padded pink panties to put back on, and wrapped the pink corset around me, which she laced up just as tight as the first time. The hose were all in a nude color this time, and I was told to fasten the garters myself.

"All girls learn to do it Kim, you're no different."

I struggled a bit, but managed it, pulling them tight, stretching the nylons tight against my skin.

"Let's do your hair and makeup over shall we?"

This time my hair was done in a modified pageboy with the sides curled under, framing my face just right, bangs straight across my forehead. My makeup was redone, more like a young lady out for a fancy night on the town.

"I have another dress for you to try on Kim. Let's go find it."

It was hanging in her closet, and it was similar to the pink one, black, except it was longer, less tight, and without the low back. I slipped it over my head and mom zipped it up. The shoes were 3" heels in patent leather. As I stepped into them, mom told me to finish getting ready while she changed. I watched her leave the room, then went to the dresser and opened the drawer I used for my meager jewelry, and saw a brand new set right on top! The earrings were black with gold trim, clip type, and chandelier style. The necklace was a choker style, also in black and gold. I fastened the earrings on and fastened the necklace around my neck, then I saw the small rings. One was all gold with a small black stone in, the other was also gold, but it had a small diamond on top. I slipped the rings on my fingers and smiled as I went to the bath and used the softer red lipstick.

By letting me see how just how much women went through to look extra pretty for special events, mom had used the shock treatment on me, but she was pleased with how it went, and now, she was about to give me another shock. By the time mom was done getting dressed, I was in the familyroom, walking around, getting used to the new heels. They were, again, the highest heels I had ever worn. Mom is a beautiful woman by any standard, but tonight she simply radiated beauty. Her dress was, like mine, is a sheath style, but her natural, fully grown, figure was enough to make any man's head spin. Since my father had split with his secretary, I had not seen mother look this good, except for the night we all went to dinner. It was so unlike her!

"Ready?" I nodded my head yes, grabbed my small clutch bag, and followed mom to the car.

"Where are we going Mother?"

"We have a date with a very handsome man and his wife. You'll like them a lot I think."

I sat back in the seat, wondering just what was going to happen next. The restaurant was the most elegant in the area, located on the wide bend of the local river. As we walked up to the door I could hear the faint sounds of music from the band the restaurant always had playing. We were led into the dining room, our heels silent in the plush carpet. I followed mom as we wound our way to one of the private rooms that were available. Our escort opened the door for us, then I saw the people I was to meet, and gasped.

I wanted to sink into the floor, but moms restraining hand on my elbow held me in place as my Grandfather rose out of his chair and came over to us.

"This must be Kimberly! Please, come in."

He led me to the table, and as I sat down I watched my Grandmother for any sign of hatred or disgust, but saw only her smiling face.

"We're so pleased to meet you Kim, your mother has told us so much about you!"

I felt my Grandmothers hand on mine, and looked in her face.

"That ring you have on, the one with the diamond, is from us. It's a gift to show you that we don't care what you wear, just that you're a good person."

I looked at the ring, and finally smiled. The sweat that was beginning to form under my arms seemed to vanish.

"Kim", my Grandfather said, "We understand. More than you could possibly know."

Before I could speak, Grandpa told us a little story.

"Your mother told you that she had a brother once. His name was Greg."

Grandpa seemed to sink into his chair as he spoke.

"You might let me tell you anyway." You have heard this already. Greg also liked to dress as a woman, and he had been caught twice by me. The last time I saw him, he was fully dressed, walking down the road. I thought that I could change him, and in a wild rage, I beat him almost senseless. I did not know what I know now. He killed himself in a small room in our basement. He was still fully dressed when they found him."

He paused and took his wife's hand in his own. "It was hard Kim. Very hard for us when that happened, but I think it was hardest on me because I blame myself for Greg's death. It took me a long time to come to terms with it. When he killed himself, it was like I had died as well. When Ellen told us about you, she vowed that she would not make the same mistake again. I, we, decided that no matter what, we would love the person that you are on the inside, not use the outer clothing to judge you."

I was speechless! It was a story I had never heard only once before, and the thought of dying scared me. I am very close to my Grandpa, and when I saw the tears on his weathered face, running down his cheeks, I knew that his telling me himself was the hardest thing he had ever done.

"Kim dear, we want you to come spend some time with us. Maybe when school lets out for the holidays. It'll give us a chance to be with our new granddaughter."

I was stunned to the core, and just when I thought I had been told everything, in walked Jill and her parents! But Jill was very subdued. They were shown to their seats, Jill across the table from me as silence reigned at the table until Grandpa spoke.

"It seems that you also have a special kind of daughter."

Jill's once in a while father simply could not hold it in any more and exploded.

"Goddamned queer! Claire's son! In a dress, and he tells me he wants to stay this way!"

He was so mad he almost turned purple with rage, but Claire's hand on his arm, he calmed down.

"Harry, you know that simply isn't true! Jill likes to dress as a girl, and girls date boys. There is nothing queer about that!"

He harumped a few times and sat with his arms folded across his chest. Jill was dressed similar to me, but in a deep red. Harry sat there stewing, almost ready to attack Jill, when my Grandmother asked him a few questions.

"Are you that afraid of your sons sexuality? Does he offend your masculine pride so much that you would hurt him? Why are you so afraid sir?"

Harry wanted to lash out at her, but that sweet kindly face of hers put him off.

"Well I... It's not natural for boys to wear dresses and skirts! And no. I am not afraid of anything!"

"Wearing women's clothing does not make the person sir, in fact, if truth be told, it probably keeps her from getting into more, shall I say, masculine forms of mischief."

He had no answer for her. All he knew was that boys did not wear dresses, and look as good as his Jill did!

"But he's a boy! And boys don't wear skirts and dresses and run around town that way!"

For the first time my Grandpa spoke.

"Have you ever dressed as a woman sir?"

It was a question that stunned Jill's so called father, and when he answered he exploded!

"Of course not! Never!"

"Then I would suggest that you do not know what you are talking about!"

My Grandmothers interruption had neatly skewered him, and he could only sit and stew about it.

"Claire, Harry," Mom spoke more forcefully than I had heard in a while. "You know perfectly well that times change, and there are a lot of transsexuals around. Nobody bothers them, so why would they bother Jill, or Kim?"

Before they could answer, she went on.

"Besides, Mother was right. I'll bet she has been a perfect angel around the house; hasn't she?"

They both nodded their heads in unison. Mom knew that Claire understood, but Harry was worried sick, but less about a perceived danger to Jill than the fact that Claire's son wanted to dress as a girl.

"Harry, look at Jill and tell me that someone that did not know her at all would know there was a boy under that dress!"

He looked at Jill and knew that Mom was right.

"Okay! So he... she looks great! But if she stays at my house she has to follow a whole new set of rules, and the first person that hurts her..."

It was the first time Harry had referred to Jill as 'her'!

"Now that we have that settled, lets eat!" My Grandpa summoned the waiter who took our orders and left.

Harry was still worried, confused, and afraid, but, he managed to hold it in until after dessert and we all had coffees.

"Dammit! Boys don't wear dresses! He wants to give up being..."

"What? In charge? A he man type like you? Are you afraid that she might become subservient to another male?"

Before he could answer my Grandmother's face grew a single eyebrow. You know what I mean. It's what happens when both eyebrows meet.

"Look around you sir! This is the nineties and women no longer have to rely on a man to be successful. I am just as concerned as you are, but we are willing to let Kim be herself and see how it goes. Can you?"

Boy was she angry! Harry had to sit there and take it, and what was worse, he knew she was right. His problem was that when he grew up, guys that wore dresses were very definitely homosexual, and he was more afraid of that than the fact that his girlfriends son sat there looking so much like his mother did at the same age.

Claire had said very little about Harry's frustration, and between her almost husbands built in bias and her sons fear, she knew she would need some time to settle them both down, she just didn't know when, or how to arrange it. We had all settled back in their seats, the adults trying to find a way to help Harry accept Claire's sons choice, but both Jill and I were both nervous and had to use the restroom, so we excused ourselves and left the small room to find the ladies. Neither of us said a word about what was happening, but we both knew that Jill would stay, or she would go, there was no middle ground.

We were walking to the restroom when Jill felt a hand on her elbow, turned, and saw David!

"Hello! I didn't know you were here or I would have talked to you earlier."

His smile told it all, he was certainly very glad to see Jill! With an edge to our voices, we told him he would have to wait a bit, and made our way into the ladies room. We both used a stall, repaired our lipstick, and started back to the private room when David came over to her again. He was talking to Jill, holding her hand in his, when her parents came out of the room. Claire saw the way she was smiling at David, her shyly coy manner, and knew that no matter what her part time father did, she would be a part of the family if he wanted it or not. Harry also saw the kids, but held his tongue and quickly went to the men's room. I made my way back to the room, and sat next to mom.

"Jill is out there with David mom, and he was holding her hand when Harry came out. I hope he doesn't..."

He won't dear. He reached a decision that will allow Jill to stay, but probably not Jim."

I was stunned at that bit of news but before I could say anything, my Grandmother added,

"And I'll bet that Jill comes to hate, or at least resent, the decision."

I had no idea what had been decided, but when Jill came back in the room with her Mother, I waited anxiously for the news. When Harry returned, he sat and faced Jill.

"This is our decision. You may continue to dress as Jill, but... there will be no more dressing part time. From this moment on you will dress as a girl all of the time. That means at school, home, and church, everywhere, all of the time. Your mother will help you buy the clothes you need, and you will have a whole new set of rules to follow, and new duties around the house. Understand?"

All Jill could do is nod her head yes, but questions ran across her face. Before she had a chance to ask any of them, he spoke up again.

"We have all discussed this, and we have decided that both of you will start school in the fall as girls. Both of you will have to find a way to handle it, because you will be attending the same school. We will see to your name changes and so on, but since both of you have said that you like being girls, we have all decided to give you that chance. Summer is coming, and you will both be living as girls during that time!"

Silence reigned at the table as both Jill and I absorbed the news. Neither Jill or I had expected this, but we both put on a brave front.

The next three weeks were hell on both Jill and I as we waited for the day that our male clothes would be tossed in the trash can. But, during those three weeks, mom was buying some items for me, some I knew about, some I did not. On the last day of school, I went home to an empty house, and probably could have stayed as my male self for another few hours, but I didn't want to! I went to my bedroom and quickly began to become Kim once again. By the time mom got home I was dressed in a skirt and blouse, cleaned up the few dishes in the sink and my makeup was redone to perfection.

"As you know, today is the day you put Kevin behind you and become Kimberly Ann, and you also know that I have been buying a few things for you along the way. In order for you to be able to present yourself completely as a girl. This is a sanitary belt. You'll have to wear it for one week a month just like all of the other girls."

I started to say something, but mom held up her hand and stopped me.

"I know you don't need it, but all girls use them and so will you!"

Next, she opened a box filled with a curling iron, blow dryer, several types of brushes, rollers, a plastic cap, and a full sized dryer. I was surprised at the things my mother had bought for me, and said so.

"Yes I know dear, but there is one other surprise we have for you, and now is the only chance you will have to say no, but if you do say no, you have to stay Kevin and forget all about Kim."

Sitting on the bed, I waited for her mother to tell her what it was.

I liked being able to be a girl, so slowly, yet firmly, I nodded my head yes.

"Okay then, let's get you started."

I stripped to the padded pantybrief and stood there in front of mom, waiting.

"Naked Kim."

Embarrassed, I did as I was told, then mom came over and took me into the bathroom.

"Now hold your arms up!"

She began to once again smear the pink cream all over me, right down to my panty line, then had me do the rest.

"Might as well do it all Kim, they'll shave it off tomorrow anyway."

Mom even did my eyebrows! By the time I stepped out of the shower my skin was smooth and hair free, with no trace of a beard. My Great Grandfather had been a full blooded Indian, and his legacy to me was the gift of almost no facial hair. Mom handed me some clean panties which I quickly stepped into. Then mom led me back into the bath where she washed my hair with a light blonde rinse, using her shampoo to make my hair soft and easy to brush. Using her measuring tape she gathered the information she would need, making notes as she went.

"As you know we added to your wardrobe a little, but I did some more checking, and your wardrobe is still pitiful for a girl your age, so it looks like we have some more shopping to do Kim. Get dressed in the clothes you wore earlier, and we'll go see what we can find for you."

I brushed my hair out, got dressed again, and followed Mom out of the house.

The first store we visited happened to be one of my favorite lingerie stores. I had spent more than a few visits gazing over their fine selection of bras, teddy's, panties, and other sexy attire. On such occasions I would fantasize about being able to wear those very clothes, and now I was about to live that fantasy! Mom walked up to one of the sales attendants, a young woman named Janet, and asked her for help.

"We need a few items. Maybe you can help us"

I turned bright red at this, but Janet must have known it was for me because she just looked me up and down and then led us, at moms urging, to the corsets.

"I'll find one of these she likes. "For instance," she said, "Maybe one of these."

Then Janet proceeded to pick a few different styles from off of the display and hold them up to my chest. Janet led us to a display of bras, some moderately priced, but some very expensive. Mom and I had, because of my build, decided that I should be an A cup, and together we selected several new bras for my new wardrobe.

From there we went to a major department store where we bought two packages of mixed color cotton panties, two more less expensive bras in 36A, another waist nipper, a package of pantyhose, and another padded pantybrief. In the shoe department, much to my delight, I tried on more shoes. We left with two more pairs of heels and a pair of flats. In the dress department we bought three dresses, two skirts and two blouses.

"Lets go home and get you fixed up Kim."

As we walked through the mall, Mom saw a makeup store, and taking me by the arm we went in. I sat there while the woman determined the perfect shades of makeup for me, then, as soon the woman had finished my makeup, and we had purchased what she suggested, we left the mall.

Mom saw the excitement in my eyes the whole day, knowing that she now had a daughter instead of a son, and maybe always did. I could tell that she was determined to make the transition as easy as possible for me, but she was not about to let me slip in any way. From now on I would be a girl, and treated as one. That included all of my daily activities, which I had been told, and the reality was beginning.

"With the waist nipper you'll have a very trim waist, and might not need the pantybrief. I doubt it, but we'll see ."

At home, she had told me that it was time to get used to the firmness of the waist nipper, so she watched as I undressed again. Wearing just the panties, mom put the nipper around me and fastened the hooks on the front, then began to tighten the laces in the back. I huffed and puffed until at last mom said she was done. Without a word mom reached into the cups of the new front hook bra and pulled my now compressed flesh up, then used a small oval pad to add fullness to her breasts. I looked down and saw that I had a very modest cleavage!

"The breastforms are nice, but you should get used to having your own. Now you can get dressed. Wear the white dress."

I watched as her mother left the room, then reached for the pantyhose. I slipped on the new dress we had bought, struggling with the zipper up the back, but as I felt the material close around me as the zipper closed, the swelling of my small breasts against the soft material made me smile at my reflection in the mirror. The dress was a shirtwaist style, but the hem was a good 2" above my knees. The dress was white, with a small orchid print on it, the collar flat on my shoulders, leaving the neckline open enough to see a hint of my new cleavage. I stepped into the brand new white, low heeled shoes, redid my lipstick, and stepped out of the room.

When mom saw me she gasped. I looked more feminine than ever before, the white dress seemed to enhance my already good looks, and the waist nipper gave me a marvelous figure. My legs were shapely to start with, but wearing the heels made them look longer and even better. But the best was the look on my face. It told the whole story; Kevin was absolutely Kimberly Ann now, and by judging the way I was smiling, I had no intention of ever going back to being a boy ever again!

"Why don't you walk over and see Jill. Maybe the two of you can compare notes."

I nodded my head yes, and started to leave the house when mom handed me a coiled ring with her house key on it.

"Wear this on your wrist Kim."

I quickly slipped it on and left the house.

Walking the few blocks to Jill's house dressed as a girl was a new experience for me, but the bright sunny day made me feel even more feminine, and as I walked along I could smell the faint trace of the perfume I was wearing. When I got to Jill's house, I knocked on the door and was admitted by Jill's mother.

"Jill is upstairs Kim. I think she needs you."

I went straight to Jill's bedroom, opening the door without knocking. I saw her sitting on her bed, crying, her red rimmed eyes and mascara streaked face a sad reminder of the internal tortures they both had yet to manage. I sat next to my friend and hugged her, not saying a word. Jill collapsed against me and started sobbing again, until, finally, she told Kim what had happened.

"Harry told me that he would never accept me this way Kim! He said some very nasty things and told me that he never wanted to see me again, no matter what kind of clothes I wear!"

I knew that Jill loved Harry as the father she never had, and for him to tell her that was cruel and hurt her very deeply.

"Did you tell your mother?" Jill shook her head no.

"I think that you should Jill, she is your mother, not his wife, and she loves you."

Jill said nothing as I went to get Jill's mom, then left them, alone in Jill's room.

I was well liked in school, and one of my best friends was Michelle. With everything that had happened, and the announcement that I was going to start school as a girl, I decided I had to call her, and tell her everything. Michelle, after hearing me ask her to come over because he had something big to tell her, and heard the strain in his voice, left right away for the one block walk.

Michelle looked at me standing on the porch and knew immediately, that I was telling her a very huge secret. She had known who had called her of course, but the pretty girl that was standing there did not look at all like Kevin.

"Hi Michelle. I'm Kim, and we need to talk."

I took her out on the patio, and we sat across from each other. I had my hands in my lap, my knees firmly locked together, and with some sweat running down my back, and tears in my eyes, I told Michelle about myself, and Jill.

"We met by accident. I was out to dinner with my mother, dressed as a girl, when she saw me. The next day she came over, dressed as Jill. Her parents found out and we all talked about our... dilemma, and her so called father seemed to be okay with it. But last night he... hurt Jill, and she is all broken up by what he told her. Her father is an asshole Michelle. That's why I decided, for Jill and myself, that we can't deny who we are. Our parents have told us we will have to cope with things ourselves, but I intend to go to school as Kim, and be the best girl I can, and I need your help."

Michelle was at a loss for words, but she had known me since we had started school, and knew that I was telling her because I trusted her the most.

"I had no idea that you wanted to be a... dress like a girl!"

I felt tears starting to run down my cheeks, the pressure of the last few weeks, my friend Jill's misery, and telling Michelle almost too much for me to bear. Michelle came to me and hugged me, told me we could work it out, and offered to ask a few other kids over, so that they could see for themselves how Jill and I look, and act.

"Maybe later Michelle, I'm taking the rest of the week to be with Jill. Maybe Saturday night would be better, but in the mean time, maybe you can spread the word about Jill and I."

Michelle said she would, then went home, preparing to try and help Jill and I.

I had repaired my makeup by the time mom got home, and was waiting for her in the familyroom, "Mom." She turned to look at me.

"I went told Michelle about Jill and I, and she promised to tell the other kids. I'm going to meet a bunch of the kids on Saturday at her house so we can all talk about Jill, and... me."

Mom took me to her and hugged me tightly.

"Maybe if we..."

"Mom, it's done. Jill is dead inside! She thinks nobody will accept her now, so all we can do now is make her understand that she means something to us! I have to do something. By myself."

"I know dear, I'm just afraid that's all."

The next day, in the afternoon, after school, Michelle and three of her close friends stopped by to see me. Mom let them in, then called to me. I was in my room, and let mom had them wait in the familyroom. Michelle, Kelly, Cheryl, and Jane all waited for me to meet them, but only Michelle knew what to expect. She had not told them just how nice she thought I looked, only that Kevin was now dressing as a girl, and I wanted to talk to them. I walked into the room wearing the same shirtwaist dress I had on when I told Michelle. I was smiling, and chipper on the outside even though I was very afraid on the inside. They all looked at my trim figure, the way the dress hugged my breasts, the dress tapering to a narrow waist, then my very nice legs showing from below the hem, which was two inches above my knees. I did not look like a boy in a dress.

With fear in my voice, I said "Hello everyone, I'm Kim."

All of them, except for Michelle, were speechless for a minute!

"Damn! I think I'll just stay home from now on!"

It was Jane of course. She always thought everyone looked better than she did, but they rarely did since she was a certainly a knockout looking girl. I smiled and sat across from them, very lady like and proper, something they all noticed.

"As you can see, I have decided to be myself. All I want is to be allowed to be myself when I go back to school, which means I'll dressing like this every day. I hope that you can accept me this way."

All of them started talking at once.

"Wait a minute!" Michelle hushed everyone down. "I told all of you about this before we got here, and now you can see for yourself just what she looks like. Does Kim look like she'll have any problem fitting in?"

They all shook their heads no.

"Then I vote that we help her all we can. In fact, I told Kim that we could get a group together at my house on Saturday night, sort of a coming out party for her, and a friend."

"Um, Kim, since you have decided to be one of us, does that mean that you'll date... guys?"

It was something that I had thought about, but never really considered until Fred came along.

"I don't know, I guess, if somebody asks me."

I watched as Kelly turned to Michelle and whispered something in her ear, bringing a smile to her face. Kim knew something was up, but they wouldn't tell her, only to be at Michelle's house at 7 on Saturday.

"Wear your best party dress Kim, and bring Jill along too!"

Michelle and the other girls all gave me a hug, then left, then mom came and sat next to me.

"Looks like we have to call Jill and tell to be there, then get you a nice party dress doesn't it?"

I only smiled. I called Jill, but got her mother.

"Tell Jill that we are going to a party on Saturday night, and no is the wrong answer. Tell her to wear her best party dress and I'll pick her up."

Claire said she would make sure Jill was ready.

"It sounds like you have found a solution Kim, I hope that you're right!"

On Saturday I had my new dress, and something else. My Grandmother had gone along with us when we shopped for the dress, but first, she told us to go to a certain store, where I was fitted for state of the art, custom made, flawlessly perfect breastforms! After the woman had made them, she had attached them to my chest. There was no apparent seam, the color matched my own skin exactly, and because of the way they attached, I could feel it if someone touched them! The ones I had been using were still usable, and the woman gave me a trade in on them.

"These new breastforms can stay on for up to ten days before you have to take them off to let the skin breathe. I hope you enjoy them dear."

I was on cloud nine as I tried on dresses, many of them showing plenty of my new cleavage. I selected a soft green sheath style dress that had spaghetti straps holding up a sweetheart neckline. The hem was at least two inches above my knees, and the material accented my shape nicely, especially after I put on the corselet they gave me to wear with the dress!

"Since you have decided to be a girl, maybe we should get your hair done!"

Grandma did not wait for an answer, but led me into the salon where I had my hair styled, tinted, and cut, for the first time. While I was in the salon, waiting for the tinting solution to work, I also had her nails done. The girl made them a bit longer, and painted them in a soft plum color. By the time I left the salon, my normally auburn hair was brighter, done in a face framing pageboy.

"That style will be easy for you to take care of Kim, and you can do a lot with it."

That afternoon, I wore a plastic cap as I sank into the tub filled with bubblebath. The cream hair remover had once again taken every trace of hair away, leaving my skin silky smooth. The bubblebath helped replace the oils in my skin, then I used a razor to trim my pubic area a little more and touch up under my arms before I stepped out of the tub. I dried off, then used a sweet smelling body lotion, all over, before I went to my bedroom to get ready.

I carefully removed the plastic cap and saw that my hair had stayed pretty much like it was. Smiling, I slipped on my only pair of panties that weren't cotton. I had bought them while we were out getting the dress. The dark green satin panties felt absolutely wonderful as I slipped them on. The pantyhose were next, and they were of the type that did not have a darker panty sewn in. The nylon slid up my legs in a sensuous whisper, making me once again feel more feminine. I stood up and very carefully tucked myself so I would present a feminine front. Looking in the mirror, I saw that I had the body of a girl my own age, my breasts firm and pert, a full A cup. I wrapped the corselet around myself, and after I had fastened the hooks, I pulled the laces tight. It once again gave me a trim 22 inch waist, then, after I had pulled on the padded pantybrief, the corselet accented my now rounded hips. Smiling at my reflection in the mirror, I fluffed my new boobs to make an impressive cleavage, and went to the bath to do my makeup.

By now, I had learned how to do my makeup much better, and as I pulled the soft cream foundation over face, I just knew that today, I would look better than ever before. Using two fingers, I spread the foundation lightly on my face, giving my face a single color. Using powder, I created a matte finish before I started on my eyes. The woman at the makeup shop had suggested that I stick to pastel colors, but I wanted to make a dramatic statement, so I used a very soft plum over a trace of green with copper just under my eyes. I used a sponge to blend the colors, then a deep sable black eyeliner over my eyelid and a black pencil under the eyes. The mascara gave the lashes a lush, full look, and the peach blusher highlighted my cheeks just right. I took the dress off of the hanger and slipped it over my head, letting the soft, satiny material slide down over my body. I pulled the zipper closed and stepped into the silver shoes with the three inch heels. The jewelry was on the dresser. I fastened the silver and rhinestone necklace around my neck, letting the small emerald cut stone hang just above my breasts. The earrings matched the necklace as did the thin bracelet I fastened to my wrist. The lipstick was soft red, but before I put it on I outlined my mouth with a red pencil, then filled in, using the lipstick. I stood in front of the mirror and knew for sure that I could never be a boy again. Using the perfume mom had given me, I scented myself, made sure my purse had all of the essentials in it, and stepped out of the room.

Mom gasped when she saw me. It was an audible gasp that brought a smile to my face.

"How do I look Mother?"

Mom was momentarily speechless! "You look... wonderful Kim. Simply wonderful! I never imagined that you would look so beautiful!"

"I guess it's the wonders of makeup!" I said.

Mom saw that the green dress was perfect with my auburn hair, and that is when she knew for certain that Kevin would disappear, but Kim in his place. As I took the car keys offered by mom, I was pecked on the cheek, and just before I left the house, mom asked me if I was afraid.

"Of course! I'm scared of what will happen tonight, but this is for Jill as well as myself." Sighing, I added, "I guess I'll know tonight Mom. They will accept us or they won't."

There was a certain fatalistic tone to my voice, and mom knew that I was prepared for the worst, but hoping for the best.

As I drove up to Jill's house, I saw her step out on the porch. Jill looked fantastic! She was wearing a copper colored sheath dress that fit her perfectly, accenting her shape, and was short enough to expose a lot of her very nice legs. Jill got in the car, and I drove us over to Michelle's house. As we walked up to the door we could hear people, kids, their friends, on the patio behind the house. Taking a deep breath, I knocked on the door and waited. The door was opened by Michelle's mother, with no recognition that she knew that Jill or I were actually boys, or that she even knew us.

"Hi. Everyone is in the back."

As we made her way to the patio, Michelle's mother sighed at the memory of when she was young and looked like this. I slid the door open, and stepped out on the brick walkway with Jill beside me.

We stood still for a moment, looking for Michelle, and as we did so, everyone seemed to turn and look at us. Even in that lighting we both looked like a fantasy version of feminine perfection. Michelle came over and took my hand and said,

"This must be Jill! Hi, I'm Michelle."

Jill relaxed a bit as Michelle led us to a table, but as we walked across the patio we both knew that every eye there was watching us. What I did not see was the envy many of the other girls had in their eyes, or the admiration of the guys.

"Kim, you definitely made an impression with that dress! I feel like I should just go inside and go to bed!"

I smiled at my friend, but knew that most, if not all of girls there had never had any trouble getting a guy, or a date.

"I just did the best I could."

"I can see that Kim!"

I made the introductions as we sat at a table with Michelle, Kelly, and Jane. Looking at Jill, Jane said,

"Girl, you look absolutely fantastic!"

All of them smiled at me, then Michelle asked me if I was ready, and should she stop the music. "I'm as ready as I'll ever be Michelle. What about you Jill?"

"It's now or never ladies, before we lose our nerve."

"Michelle, we'll sit here, just in case."

Michelle shut off the stereo and asked everyone to be quiet.

"Many of you know Kevin and Jim... well you know them. You might not know why they are doing this. Kim, the girl in the green dress is my best friend, and she is going to tell you something."

She motioned to me, but I stayed put, my fear climbing the wall again.

"Go gettum girl. You can do it."

"Thanks Jane."

I stood up, and walked over to Michelle. Standing next to Michelle, my knees together, my hands clasped in front of me, I smiled at everybody, and though I felt queasy inside, I was now committed.

"All of you have known Jill and I since grade school."

There was a low murmur as Michelle raised her hand.

"I know for a fact that we all like her, and we always have. I'll let her tell you the rest."

Michelle gave my arm a squeeze and sat down, while I felt the lump in my throat, coughed once, and began.

"My name is Kimberly Anne Benson. I am 16, and like Michelle said, I have known all of you for most of my life..., but not as Kim. My real name is Kevin Benson."

Gasps could be heard as most of the kids did not believe that the girl standing in front of them was their friend Kevin. I held up my hand and they fell silent.

"The other day I held my friend in my arms as she cried, sure that everyone hated her, and I swore to her that was untrue, and I would do everything I could to help her. Because... we are the same. Jim is also Jill, a pretty, carefree girl that loves life and all of her friends equally. She was saddened because the man she thought of as her father could not accept her for the person she was, even after he promised to try and understand. Her father destroyed her inside, and because she could not take the pain of her fathers rejection, she went into her room. When I saw her, it scared me. I love her like a sister and wanted her to know that she would be accepted for the person she is, by you. I am just like Jill, but instead of taking the same path as Jill, I talked to Michelle, Cheryl, Janet, and Kelly about it. I trusted them enough to tell them, and now you, my deepest secret. I refuse to hide because I am just who I always was. I have just decided to cover it differently. I hope that you can accept what I am telling you as the truth, because we need you, all of you."

"You sure don't look like Kevin. You look like a model in a magazine!"

It was the voice of Mike Watson. He stepped forward and stood just a few feet from Kim. "Myself, I don't care if you wear a dress or not. I only want to know if you will dance with me."

That broke the ice, and they all surrounded me, talking all at once; everyone except Jeff. He stood back, silent, watching everyone else as they asked me questions, wanting to know so much about my transition. Michelle went to him and touched his arm.

"Isn't she everything I said she was?"

"She is without a doubt the bravest person I have ever seen." He paused a moment, and added, "and the prettiest too."

"Then go talk to her. Tell her what you told me just now."

He wanted to do just that, he really did, but his inherent shyness held him back.

"Mike asked her to dance, but I'll bet he would stand aside if you asked her yourself Jeff."

Without waiting, she grabbed his hand and dragged him over to me. When she had my attention, she introduced Jeff.

Jill sat while I had spoken, shocked that I had decided to be so open about the two of them, but Cheryl and Kelly sat next to her, each holding a hand as I poured my heart out to our friends. Jill felt a swelling of pride as I honestly told them what they both wanted, and felt.

"That is some girl Jill, and so are you. You are both very brave to come here like this, and we want you to know that we accept you, no matter what." Jill squeezed her hand and smiled.

I had thought about dating of course, but I had not given any thought to how much a woman would be attracted to a male, because I was, or am, a male. Now, looking every bit a nice as any of the other girls, I could feel an attraction to Jeff. Something about him that drew me to his wide open soft brown eyes. Almost everyone that saw us meet for the first time that night, saw the spark that seemed to fly between us. He only had eyes for me, but being in unfamiliar territory, and because I am also normally shy, I was extra demure, almost to the point of silence.

I had always known Jeff, from the first grade on. He was a gentle child grown into a gentle young man, smart, with nothing extraordinary about his looks. He was about six foot tall, maybe 150 pounds with brown hair streaked with shades of blond, brown eyes that carried his compassion openly. He had never dated much, to shy to ask even though many girls would have loved to go out with him. He was polite almost to a fault, and everyone liked him. He shocked himself by reaching out for my hand as someone started the music. By accident, or on purpose I don't know, but it was a slow song, and as he pulled me to him, then took me into his arms, we both felt that we had found something special. Mike watched as Michelle spoke in his ear.

"That went perfectly don't you think?"

He patted her hand and smiled. "You assume that I would not have danced with her without you prearranging it. I assure you that she would look very nice on my arm!"

Michelle punched him on the arm and kissed his cheek.

"Thank you Mike. For Kim and Jill. Kim needed that and you gave it to her."

Michelle's mother had heard what had been said out on the patio, every word, including what Michelle and Mike had said; she was proud of her daughter for caring so much, but she wondered just how the rest of the kids in the school would react to Kim.

Kelly and Cheryl had someone for Jill to meet, and as Jane brought him to the table, she felt him tense up.

"Relax Ned, Jill is beautiful, and she needs you!"

Jill and Ned sat across from each other, a wondering look in their eyes as they both saw someone they found attractive.

"Want to dance?"

Jill reached out her hand, and she folded into his arms as soon as they reached the patio.

"Now that we have started them out, it's time we tended to our own men!"

Jeff held me in his arms as we weaved back and forth rather than move. My body against his, my breasts pushing against his chest, and my perfume making him feel like she belonged there. He knew I was a boy like himself, but I did not look like a guy, didn't feel like a guy, and certainly didn't smell like one, and best of all, he was attracted to me. More in fact, than he was willing to admit right then. We stayed there, dancing, even after the music had stopped!

"Hey you two, break it up!"

Jane had two glasses of pop in her hands and handed one to each of them.

"If you're going to make your own music, the first rule is don't do it in public."

Jane was smiling as she left us standing there open mouthed. "She does have a point Kim. Let's sit down... over there."

Jeff led the way to the stone steps that led to the pool. They had some privacy there.

After we were sitting, he looked at me. He must have seen my face framed by the soft halo of light coming from the patio. He had an uncontrollable urge to kiss me, and he did. He put his drink down and bent over me, touching his lips to mine. It was like a lightning bolt seared the two of us at the same time. I held my breath as he took my face in his hands and kissed me again, still softly, but with an urgency I certainly felt. I let him kiss me, the feelings he was having the very same for me towards him. I pushed my tongue out until it touched his lips, and he eagerly accepted me. For both of us it was a startling revelation, but a pleasant one that we both wanted to continue. We disentangled, panting a little.

"We better go back to the party Jeff."

He nodded his head and took my hand as we walked balk to the patio. I watched as Jill and Ned swayed to the music, a smile etched on their faces, and quit worrying about Jill, she had Ned to think about now. Jeff never let me out of his sight for the rest of the evening. In fact, he was at my side the whole evening, something that everyone of the other kids noticed. When it was time to leave, he wanted to take me home, but I had driven myself to the party, so he promised to call the next day.

I was still panting, my heart was beating a mile a minute as I drove home, knowing that I had, without a doubt, crossed that imaginary line drawn by society. The one that frowned on boys kissing other boys, and there was no hiding it since so many of the other kids had seen us return to the patio, both Jeff and I slightly out of breath. It was well after one when I went to my bedroom and undressed, slipped into a nightgown, then my bed. I spent the night with visions of the night dancing in my head, my dreams of the past, now, almost a reality.

When I finally appeared the next morning, I had gotten dressed in a short skirt like girls wore in private schools, a white blouse, white socks, and my white tennis shoes, my hair and makeup done.

"How did it go last night Kim?"

Smiling like the cat that ate the canary, I told mom how Michelle arranged things, and that she happened to be paired with Jeff.

"He said he would call me today."

"I see! Well, I have to go to the office, so have a nice day!"

Mom went to change, the smile on her face hiding her deep concerns about Jeff and I. I had no experience like a female does, with males that is, and all of the attention Jeff was sure to give me, was an aphrodisiac to a vulnerable teenage girl. Like any young woman, I could be swept up in the romance and forget the rules.

To myself, I said, "Silly girl! I can't get pregnant! I don't have anything to worry about!"

But I did worry, a lot.

"If you go out, lock the house and take your key Kim."

The strain told in her voice, and I caught it.

"I'll be careful Mom. Really!"

Mom nodded her head, but in her heart she was worried about me being able to handle all of the new emotions and experiences she was feeling.

Jeff called at one, and after a short talk, came over.

"You and Jill were the hit of the party last night Kim. I don't think anyone will care about what you wear, certainly not me!"

"I still have to worry about school Jeff."

"I know. But I don't think you'll have to worry too much. Everyone will spread the word... the right word."

He looked into her eyes, and added, "Besides, I'll be right beside you all of the way."

Then he pulled me to him, and kissed her, holding her tightly in his arms.

We heard the doorbell, and he was right beside me as she opened the door and let Cheryl and Michelle step inside the house. They looked at Jeff and I, and just smiled.

"Well! That was fast!"

Both Jeff and I turned red as a beet. We all sat in the familyroom, where Michelle asked Kim just what her plans were.

"I was going to talk to mom about it, but I wanted to go to school, starting next fall, as a girl."

"Kim, we think that you should do it now, on the first Monday. School is just about to start, so why wait?"

My fears crept to the surface again.

"But the other kids..."

"The other kids my ass! This is the nineties! You know perfectly well that we have two gay couples in the school and nobody says anything to them..., right?"

I gave a slow nod of her head. "I guess, but I'm afraid!"

"If you wait, it will be harder on all of us Kim, especially me."

Jeff's statement made Michelle and Cheryl smile, and Kim blush again.

"You know that if I go to school as Kim then no matter what happens I'll have to stay Kim. It's not like being gay. They don't wear a sign around their neck, while this," she pointed to her skirt, "is very hard to hide!"

"Kim, we came over to tell you that we support you, no matter what you decide, but we also think that you should seriously consider starting school on Monday as Kim, the person you really are."

Jeff, Michelle and Cheryl left, with Jeff taking me on her first real date. We were going to the show. Later, I sat there with the television on, but really thinking about what my friends had told me. I knew in my heart that they were right, but my fear kept nagging at me. By the time mom got home at around two, I had cleaned the house, refreshed my makeup, and was waiting for her to come home.

"Mom, "can we talk?"

"Sure honey."

I was unable to sit, and as I paced around the room mom sensed that I was struggling with something about my newfound self.

"Mom, I'm going to start school as a girl. I can't see why I should wait a whole year! Michelle and Cheryl were here with Jeff, and they told me that I should. They also said it would be the worst year of my life if I waited, and the more I think about it, the more I know they are right. After this, how could I wait another year?"

"You can't wait honey. I knew that yesterday. In fact, I think I knew a month ago."

Mom took me into her arms and held me tightly.

"I understand, but many people won't. Are you ready for that?" I told her about the gay kids in school and how they were left alone, and how so many of the kids seemed to be more open minded.

"I'm afraid for you, but I'll stand with you Kim."

Nothing was said for a few minutes as we both absorbed the fact that I was about to take another giant leap into the unknown.

"Maybe I should call Walt."

Walt was the family attorney. I nodded her head yes, and sat down while her mother made the call.

I was about to make a light lunch when mom told me some other news.

"Your Grandfather has a friend that is going to fix it so that you will look like a girl, even if you are naked. It is not a sex change, but close, and it will be undetectable. That will happen on Monday unless you tell me no right now."

I was stunned!

"You mean that I'll be able to..."

"No dear, none of that, but after gym, when you have to shower with the other girls nobody will be able to tell you are not a girl."

"But I don't have any boobs, except for these breastforms!"

"Not yet, but by the end of the summer you will. Now, lets eat something."

Monday morning I was taken to a small clinic where I was left in the doctors charge.

"I have to see Walt. I'll be back by the time the doctor is finished."

I was taken to a small room where I undressed and put on one of those thin gowns open in the back, then, after a very complete physical, the doctor explained everything he was going to do.

"In addition to the other thing, and so, you won't have to wear the breastforms, I'm going to insert a saline bag so that you will have your own breasts. You'll look just as much like a female as any girl your age."

I was taken into the operating room, and as the needle slid into my arm, I started to smile. I was out for two hours, then, after another three hours in the recovery room, I was allowed to go home.

I was sore, and walked funny because of the bandages, but I started smiling, which mom saw.

"I guess it's a done deal now Mom."

"You're almost a girl now Kim, but only almost. The doctor said that you'll have to be 18 or older before he would do the rest, but you are closer to being a girl, certainly you're not a boy anymore."

I wanted to see the doctors work, but mom told me I would have to wait until she changed the bandages.

"By the way, Walt told me that by the end of the day your legal name will be Kimberly Ann Benson."

At home, I went to bed, to rest, waiting for my first glimpse of my new self. That night, as mom removed the bandages, I saw the doctors work. I did indeed look like a female. I had perfectly shaped boobs, only a small scar showing the doctors work, and what looked like a perfect vagina! After a slight probe, mom found that I also had what appeared to be a labia! Using a mirror, she showed me my new self. "Damn!" was all she could say right then, but when mom had me stand up, I moaned a little. The sanitary pad was secured using the belt, and I went back to bed. The next morning, when nature called, I found out that I had to maintain herself just as any other girl.

At breakfast I took the hormone pills that had been prescribed, the first of many, and then went to get dressed. I felt a lot better, and wore a skirt and blouse when I returned to the kitchen. For two days I stayed home, only answering calls from Jeff and Michelle. I told Michelle about my surgery, but not Jeff, wanting to keep that secret a bit longer. An hour later Michelle was on her doorstep wanting to see.

"What you told me is fantastic! I never heard of such a thing! You just have to show me!"

In my bedroom I slid my panties down, and bared myself to Michelle.

"You're putting me on! You were always a girl!"

"Nope. The stitches come out in a few days and I'll be done until I'm 18 when they do the rest."

Michelle hugged me and smiled.

"I think I know a guy that will like this change!"

"But I can't...I mean... it's to soon, and besides, I'm not that kind of girl."

That brought a giggle from Michelle.

"Me either, but why tell the guys that?"

"That's not all Michelle, I had my name legally changed too. I'm now Kimberly Ann Benson!"

We hugged again, and Michelle asked her if she wanted to come to her house.

"We can use the pool. I'll call Cheryl, Jane, and Kelly. You can tell them yourself!"

"But I don't have a suit!"

"Not to worry. I'll loan you one of mine."

I agreed, told mom and got her okay, then she watched as the two girls walked out of the house, their skirts swaying in unison and smiled. She now had a daughter that felt complete, not a frustrated son. It did not matter if she were right or wrong because the decision had been made, and I made it. All she could do was accept the reality and try to guide me into womanhood.

At Michelle's house we went to her bedroom to change, but because her mother thought that I was a boy, she found a pretense, and came with us.

"What suit did you have in mind for Kim?"

Michelle, rooting in her dresser found what she was looking for and held it up. It was what looked like about 5 square inches of blue material, and I started to say no, but found my hand reaching for it anyway. Michelle's mother watched as both of us stripped naked, amazed to see that I looked every bit a female as Michelle did!

"But I thought that you were a...I mean...I over heard you at the party!"

Naked, I turned to face Michelle's mother.

"I was. I had a little surgery this week, and now I'm a girl. You can call my mother and ask her if you like."

My demeanor was one of calm, but on the inside, I was shaking.

"I think I'll call and ask her to join us at the pool. Thank you for suggesting it!"

I pulled the panty on, trying to stretch the minor amount of material so that it felt like it was completely on, but Michelle told me it was a hip hugger style, and that was as far as it went. The bra held my breasts in a tight embrace, forcing them together and up, making my cleavage larger and more pronounced.

"If you wear that anywhere but here you'll be in trouble with the guys for sure Kim!"

Looking in the mirror I could see the small, but definite outline of my new self through the panty of the bikini, then spun around, and followed Michelle out to the pool, my boobs bouncing with every step. We were in the water when the other girls, and my mother showed up. Michelle and I pulled ourselves out of the water, and nobody could miss that I was really a female! My suit, now soaking wet, hung to me like paint, accenting every bump and curve. Smiling, I sat at the table with my mother.

"I guess, now that you all know, I'll tell you that after Kim and I talked, a lot by the way, we decided that she would be better off as a female, so she had surgery, and her name legally changed to help her in that direction. When she returns to school, she will be just another coed."

All of them hugged me, then Jane, Cheryl, and Kelly went to change.

Later, after we had all had a dip in the pool, we went to change into our clothes, leaving mom and Catherine, Michelle's mother alone.

"When I first saw Kim I did not have a clue she was a boy, but I overheard what happened at the party Michelle had, here on the patio, and was proud of her for what she was doing. Now I am even more proud of her. All of them, and that includes Jill and Kim have shown me what it means to be strong."

She looked at mom and added, "I don't know if I could let my son..."

"Cathy, I really never had any say. Oh, I could have forbidden her to be herself, but as soon as she graduated she would have begun again, only without any direction. This way, well, she'll be a lady."

"I know she will Ellen, especially after meeting you."

They sat there in the shade of the table top sipping iced tea, and tried to look into the future.

I stripped off the wet bikini without a thought, just as the others did, and happened to look up and see the rest of them, naked as I was, all staring at her.

"You've changed Kim!"

"I like it" I said, and started giggling, the others joining me. When we were all dressed, Jane told us about a great new club that was opening that weekend.

"Why don't we call Jill, invite her, and we'll all get real fancy and go Saturday night?"

Nobody could think of a reason not to, so as we walked out to the patio, we were all thinking ahead about what we would wear.

"What do you plan wear to Starzzz anyway Jane?"

"Something short and or sexy girl!"

By the time I got home I knew exactly what I was going to wear. I had the perfect dress, one that I liked but had only worn once before, but it was perfect. Besides, the more I thought about it, the more I knew I liked to be the object of someone's attention! I called Jill and filled her in, then mom and I ate a quick dinner. That's when she told her about the new club, and told her I was going to wear the green dress again. After dinner, I went to my room pulled out the dress. Mom sighed, and nodded her head yes. I took a quick shower and put on a nightgown.

During the next few days I did a little bit more shopping, and on Saturday, I had the entire outfit. I spent two hours getting ready, starting with a complete covering of my body with that smelly hair remover, then a bubblebath. I rubbed in a sweet smelling lotion, then went to my bedroom. Starting with sexy red satin panties, I pulled them on, the satin luxuriously smooth against my now smooth skin. I wore the pink corselet to give myself a nicely trim, and narrow waistline, while pushing my breasts up, together, and out. Sitting at the vanity I did my makeup. By now I had mastered the art, and when I was done I looked radiant. I wrapped the corselet around myself and pulled the hooks closed, zipped it up, then looked in the mirror as I fluffed my boobs, smiled, then sat on the bed and pulled her pantyhose on. The dress was hot red, short, and low in the back as well as low enough in the front to show a lot of my cleavage. The zipper was closed and the soft red material hugged me like paint, the hem a solid three inches above my knees. I sat at the vanity again, and redid my hair differently, in a style more suited to going to a nightclub. I used a bright red lipstick, dashed on some expensive perfume, and stepped into the red patent leather shoes. The red heels made me feel sexy, my legs looked shapely. I wore the matching necklace and earring set, a ring on two fingers, the one with the diamond on the third finger of my left hand. I moved my wallet to the red purse and went to the familyroom. Mom, now used to seeing me as a girl, still gasped when she saw me.

"Hunting?" was her mother's only comment. "Maybe" was my answer.

Jane came over with Cheryl, Michelle, and Kelly to get me. I let them in, and when they saw me they knew I was going to be hit on so many times that I would feel like a drum! But they were dressed in a similar fashion so they didn't say anything. Mom greeted all of them, and told us to have a nice time.

"Remember girls, good girls don't!"

We all giggled, and left the house. Mom of course, knew her warning was like telling a lion not to kill, but she knew all of us, and felt that I was safe enough, even if I did look like I was 23! When we picked up Jill, all of us, including me, whistled. Jill looked a lot like girl that plays Sabrina on television anyway, and tonight, she looked spectacular! She had on a short black chemise with a round neckline, and black heels, but the way she had done her hair and makeup gave her a sultry look that was sexy and inviting. "Wow!" was the most generally accepted comment!

The nightclub was not yet packed so we managed to get a table. We were alone for maybe ten minutes before the guys started to swarm our table, and like the other girls, I was asked to dance. He was tall and well muscled with an engaging smile. He held me tight against him, my breasts hard against him as he pulled me tight against him. I felt his hand as it moved south, but I did not stop him. He gently cupped my bottom and squeezed. I felt his warm breath on my neck as he kneaded my bottom. Then I felt the warmth of his tongue as it went into my ear. I shivered and he took that as a sign that I was ready.

"Let's go outside Kim."

"I don't think so, but thanks anyway."

Dejected, he tried a few more ploys before he gave up. I was sipping on my drink when I saw Mike, Fred, Jeff, Ned, and Dave come in. I nudged Kelly.

"Look, over there."

I pointed towards the door. Kelly nodded her head.

"let's watch them. See what they do."

The other girls had returned to the table and we all watched as the guys looked around. It was Dave that saw us, and waved.

"Here they come!"

Fred started towards me, but even he could see that I was watching Jeff over his shoulder. Kelly grabbed his hand.

"Let's dance Fred."

Jeff looked at me with passion in his eyes, and he did not say one word as he held out his hand. I took it and we went to the dance floor.

"I don't think she's available any more Fred."

"I see that." As an aside, when he looked at Kim and Jeff on the dance floor, he added, "They'll have to start moving pretty soon or rent a room someplace!"

Michelle and Dave joined them on the dance floor as did Jill and Ned, and they moved closer to Fred and Kelly.

"He's got it bad!" "Her too I think, but they are a cute couple."

Michelle nestled into Dave's arms and let him lead her around the dance floor. Jill, nestled against Ned never heard a word because her heart was beating so fast. Ned looked down at her just as she looked up, and when his lips touched hers, Jill felt a shiver run down her back. Ned, she saw, was smiling.

With my hand firmly in his, we slipped out to the parking lot and his car.

"Kim, you are so beautiful."

I turned to face him, and he took me into his arms. For the first time in my life I kissed him as a woman, and as he kissed me on the lips, I responded. I was in heaven as he reached for me. He ran his hand up under my dress, and his hand felt not another boy, but a female!

"Kim! You're a girl!"

"In almost every way Jeff."

Then I reached out and touched him at the zipper of his pants. He was hard as a rock and my slight touch sent shivers up his spine. I felt his hand on my side as it moved to my breast, then the gentle touch of his hand as he massaged me left breast. I made no move to stop him as he pushed me on my back, into the seat. I watched as he moved to make his obvious hardness more comfortable, then, when he pulled me back to him, I felt his hand place mine once again, on his hardness. I jerked it away as if it was a red hot, which it was.

"Jeff, I can't. Not yet."

"I understand. Sorry, I lost it there for a minute."

I sat next to him and we kissed again, and again, and again.

"You had better take me back inside Jeff."

Slightly tousled, we walked back to the table under the watchful eyes of the other girls.

"We have to make a trip to the ladies room guys, we'll be back so hold those dirty thoughts."

I followed the group as we made our way across the dance floor.

"You better fix your makeup Kim!"

I used the stall, and then redid my makeup, putting on new lipstick. All of us had driven with Kelly, so when Jeff asked if he could take me home, I said yes. He wanted to take me to outlook point and stay there with me, but he took me home instead. Sitting in our driveway, he was struck with fumble tongue. He wanted to ask me to be his girl, but his innate fear and shyness held him back. I sat there next to him, waiting for him to kiss me again, and he did. At the same time he put his ring in my hand. I looked at it and smiled, then kissed him back. When I went in the house his ring was firmly in my hand.

School started the Friday before Labor Day, I selected my clothes carefully. I wore the short pleated black and white skirt with a white blouse and modest jewelry with my white socks and tennis shoes. Mom drove me to the school, going to the office to help me get enrolled. The secretary was flustered at what mom told her, and immediately called the Principal. She read both the medical report and the legal document that changed my name before she nodded her head yes, and I was allowed to attend school as a female. Jill however, did not have the benefit of the minor surgery, and even though she was still dressed as a girl, was limited in the classes she could take.

Everyone accepted me for what I appeared to be, but word soon leaked out, and I had a lot of kids looking at me strangely, some asking me directly, which I answered honestly. Eve Mantan, the Principal was watching me closely, but when she saw how she was handling it, relaxed, hoping the kids would work it out.

On the very next day of school, with all of the students just getting out of class, Jill ran screaming down the hallway shouting, crying, and waving a gun. The kids scattered to whatever room was handy, except myself and Mr. Wilson, the math teacher.

"Jill!" I yelled her name and she stopped suddenly and turned around. "Can we talk... ? Let me talk to you."

Mr. Wilson tried to hold me back, but I walked right up to Jill, and with the gun firmly in the middle of my chest, I looked Jill in the eye.

"You don't want this Jill. Look at me. I struggle with the same thing every day. I wanted to wear the skirts to school just like you do, but I had a lot of help in order to be here like this. You know you can too."

All the time she was talking his hand reached for the gun. Tears ran down Jill's cheeks as she told me what had happened.

"He beat me senseless Kim. He broke a rib; he... he, used me! He called me a queer! He told me not to come home again."

I had my hand around the barrel of the gun, and slowly pulled it out of Jill's hand. Then I put it on the floor and kicked it to Mr. Wilson.

"Jill, you're my friend, and I am not going to let you do this! Lets go see if Mr. Wilson can help."

Jill collapsed on the floor in a puddle of tears, runny makeup and despair.

I helped my friend up with Mr. Wilson's on the other side. we took Jill to the principals office.

"Everyone out!"

Mr. Wilson was also the schools counselor, and his position over came any objections. Eve Mantan, the principal started to leave, but he asked her to stay.

"We might need you Eve."

In the office with the door closed, he sat across from Jill, now cradled in my arms, her friend.

"I heard what you both said Kim. Apparently you two have felt the same for quite a while. Why didn't you come and talk to me?" He got no answer. "We have to call your mother Jill. We can't just forget about this incident, but if what you said was true, about your this man using you and breaking a rib, I can promise you that he won't do it again."

"Um, Mr. Wilson, can we call my Mom instead? My Mom's pretty sharp about this. It might be better."

He looked over at Eve, and she dialed the phone. In a quick recap of what happened, I told her they needed her at the school right away, and that if she could bring Claire, Jill's mother, it would be better for everybody.

Our Mothers raced to the school, bursting into the office almost as one. The pistol, ominous with its chrome plating, lay on the desk, empty after Mr. Wilson unloaded it.

"Jill!" It was almost a shriek as Claire went to her son.

"Please sit down. Let me tell you what I know" said Mrs. Mantan.

"Maybe you and ....Kim can fill in the rest."

Mrs. Mantan told them what she knew, I filled in the rest, then mom related the events that led to my being able to be there as a girl, and I said she knew exactly what Jill felt, finding another person just like herself.

"Males like Jill and Kim, they usually just like to wear girls clothes now and then. It doesn't hurt anybody, and under our supervision, the boys have a good chance to work through all of these strange feelings they have. But in this case, both Jill and Kim wanted more than that, and we saw no reason to not let them."

Mom spoke with the authority of a woman that knew the truth. Both Jill and Claire told us that they both worried that Harry might go nuts when he found out about Jill,

"I set him straight about that, Jill is my child, not his, and I'll make the decisions, but when I told him that he got real mad."

Claire then told them that Harry had come home slightly drunk, and got onto Jill about his girl thing, and started to beat him.

"I couldn't stop him, and Jill left the house. This is the first time I've seen her since."

Mr. Wilson listened carefully to what we told him, then said,

"I have to tell you that Kim was brave as hell walking right up to Jill like that. Brave, but stupid. Every student in this school now wants to know why he acted this way. They all know that she likes to dress as a girl. Kim was easy because she looks like a girl, even the nurse says she is a female. But between the shouting and the silence, well, they have a lot of questions. I wonder what do we can do now?"

"He hurt me mama, he..."

Then Jill collapsed in a bundle on the floor as she sobbed so hard she started to choke.

"That bastard! When I get my hands on him..."

I picked up a letter Jill had dropped, read it, then handed it to Mr. Wilson. He read it out loud to everyone. Claire was sobbing by the time he had finished reading the letter.

"It looks like he raped her, and she could not take the rejection. I'm sorry."

"What will happen to Harry now?"

Mom asked because Claire could not. "First, we call the police."

Mrs. Mantan made the call, then had coffee sent in. When the police arrived, Mr. Wilson filled the detective in on what had happened and why.

"We have him sir. He turned himself in an hour ago, and now that we know the details, we will be charging him with rape, assault, sodomy, and probably reckless disregard resulting in harm to a minor. After he is booked, he'll be arraigned."

Claire had fallen completely apart and fell sobbing to the floor. I was in a state of numbed shock, unable to believe that her friends father could do such a thing.

"We'll take care of Jill and her mother, thank you for coming over."

With a nod of her head, Kim let the detective out.

Mom and I sat there with Claire, unable to make sense of the tragedy that had just happened. Her entire world had evaporated in a moment of hate and lust. They took Jill to the hospital where she was admitted, then, after a few hours, we convinced Claire to stay at our house. Mom put her to bed, hoping she could get some sleep. I tossed and turned all night, wondering if what happened to Jill would happen to me, but the more I thought of it the more I became convinced that I had to be strong for Jill. I decided, no matter what, to go back to school and no longer hold any fear in my heart.

The next morning I told mom what I had decided. "If I don't go to school and be strong, a girl, ugly rumors will start about Jill and she doesn't deserve that. We are what we are, and even if she isn't here, I can't let that happen."

Mom knew exactly what I meant, but she was afraid just the same. She just did not tell me that what I was going to do was wrong, because I might be right. Claire woke about 8 in the morning, and mom loaned her some clothes and waited until she had showered and come to the kitchen before she asked her if she wanted to see her so called husband.

"You're damned right I want to see him!"

Then she noticed me. I went to her and held her in her arms.

"Please, don't let this happen to you Kim."

There was nothing to say.

Mom and Claire went to the jail to see Harry, leaving me alone in the house. Sitting in the kitchen, I wondered how I was going to decide what to do.

Mom and Claire saw Harry in the jail. He was in an isolated cell for his own safety. He had clearly been crying, but mom had no sympathy for him as he tried to explain to Claire why he had rapped her son. Finally, he collapsed on the floor, crying, wanting to take it all back. Unfortunately, there wasn't any 'do over' after a rape and assault, and the jailers took him back to his cell. Claire was distraught as mom drove her home.

"Beth should be there by the time we get you home Claire."

Beth was Claire's older sister. Mom had called her as soon as Claire had fallen asleep the night before.

On the news we heard that Harry had committed suicide in jail. It was over, the terror was gone, only Claire's grief a sad reminder of the event.

I told mom and Claire what I had decided to do.

"Since everybody knows about me, and I have nothing to lose, I'll explain it to everyone. Maybe you can set up something for tomorrow with Mr. Wilson. He said I could, and I talked to Michelle about it. she has agreed to be with me if I need her. That way they'll know that because we want to be females, we aren't all upset or crazy."

Claire looked at me, knowing that I was about to speak for a friend, and loved me for it.

"We had allegations of child abuse, then weapons in the school, disorderly conduct and heaven knows what else Kim. Just be prepared for the worst."

"I will Ma'am."

Mom called the school, and Mr. Wilson said he would take care of everything. I went back to class, telling my friends that everything was under control. Then Mr. Wilson caught up with me.

"I have scheduled an assembly for the entire school, faculty included, for the first thing in the morning. I want you to try and explain what happened."

That night mom and I talked about what had happened, and what might happen the next morning.

"It'll be all right Mom. We have two gay couples in the school now, so I'm pretty sure that kids will understand after I explain it to them."

Mom had her doubts, but she watched as I went to her room to prepare for the next day. I'm a good student, and member of the debate team. I knew that I could do it. I made my notes on 3x5 cards, then I made sure that my selection of clothes was meticulous. My body didn't have one extra hair, then I laid out the clothes I would wear, right down to the jewelry.

It was very early when I got up and began to dress. I had chosen a green blouse with a pleated tan skirt. I quickly pulled on my panties, and then did my makeup and hair. I stepped into my flats and put gold earrings in my ears, a gold necklace and bracelet were all the jewelry I decided to wear. I put the soft rose lipstick on, gave myself a spritz of perfume, then, grabbing my books and purse, went to the kitchen. Mom looked at her.

"Are you sure that you want to do this Kim?"

"I don't have a choice do I?,.. really? If I tell them about Jill, Jill, and I, it will be easier than if we let rumors run all over the place. It's for myself as well as Jill Mom. I look like a girl now, but Jill doesn't, yet we both need this, and I am the only one that can do it."

Mom smiled at me. It seemed to her that my wisdom exceeded my years by a great deal.

With mom behind me, I walked into the school without so much as a second glance by the other kids. We went straight to the office where Michelle, Kelly, Jane and the Principal, met us, and invited us into her office.

"We are going to have a policeman and a psychologist on hand this morning Kim. They will not interrupt, but are just there to see how everybody reacts."

By the way, you look quite lovely!"

We all waited until Mr. Wilson called on the phone and told us to come to the stage. Ellen, Michelle, Jane, and the principal went in the back way, but I insisted, so as they sat on the stage, I walked right down the main aisle and climbed the stairs to the stage. I found her seat, and waited while Mr. Wilson made his announcement.

"Many of you know that we had a terrible incident yesterday. One of your classmates was severely beaten so badly that she had four broken ribs, and she was raped, by the man she called her Father. In her pain she came here to kill herself, which failed at because one of you loved her enough to prevent it. That student is on this stage. she will speak to you now."

I stood up and walked to the podium, standing beside it, rather than behind it.

"My name is Kimberly Ann Benson. Many of you knew me as Kevin Benson. What you see here is a part of me that I had kept hidden. I hid my pain for so long that I could no longer stand it, yet because I have an understanding family, I have had surgical changes made to make me a female. I have always liked to dress as a girl, and now it's permanent. So does Jill. Jill wanted to kill herself because his mother's boyfriend raped her. I was there, when he was first told about Jill, and he hated it, but we all thought that he had finally accepted her. Jill and I discovered each other by accident, but in that moment, I knew that I had a friend for life. Yesterday you saw the results of Jill's... frustration. I myself had a very hard time telling my own family, which I did just recently, but I found love, not hate. Jill found anger and violence, then a larger danger, personal danger. Her father raped her and she exploded. But she came here, I think, because she knew that I would be here, and I would not hurt her. I heard the snide remarks many of you made about our being dressed as a girls. Most of you have no idea what it's like to try hide from something, always trying, always failing. Jill is like me. We both like to wear girl's clothes. I can accept her for the person she is, not what she wears. I hope that you treat Jill and I the same way. Life is precious, no matter how we dress it up. We have an obligation to each other, to try and understand the other guy, and help them if we can. I will quote Fredrick Douglas, a noted slave and abolitionist. "Power concedes nothing without a demand", and it is up to us, the new generation of citizens to stand up for, and demand what is right, not always by law, but what is right in our hearts. Mr. Froman described it in English class as Independence. But what is it? How do we define it? Is it the usual dictionary definition, or is it more than that? Is it the freedom to do whatever we want? Probably not. There are laws to live by that restrict certain activities for a good reason, like robbery or arson. But in general, if you follow the laws and maintain a reasonable manner, then yes, you have what could be called independence. But is it enough? This is about independence, how we can get it, use it, and demand it. Jill and I demand that we be treated equal, no matter what we wear. We only want fair play, a good job, and to be ourselves. I think the issue that we, in this school must always focus on is our community. Many times I asked myself, why me? Why was I the guy that wanted to be a girl. Why me indeed! Why not my brother or the guy next door? Why me is a constant refrain we have heard since the very beginning of time, whether it was starvation or slavery, homosexuality or anything else. We cry, yell, deny, and sometimes, like my friend Jill, we even try to kill because someone thinks we should be ashamed of what drives us. Do we toss everything out and start again? No, but by vowing to never submit to our hateful desires ever again, we can always help another, a person often in shame, tearful, and with a self hatred. How many times, when we have done something we should not have, and stood, ashamed, with the abyss of fear right at our feet, and no matter how hard we try we cannot forget what we have done or how we feel.

Dr. King says that we should judge a person by the content of his character not the color of his skin. Maybe we can adapt the phrase to say that we should judge a person only by the content of his character. If we can do that we have gained a measure of independence because a person would no longer be judged by the mercy of a society that still does not accept something out of the norm. In fact, it our very humanity that lets us cope with the unknown. I leave you with this quote. "Despair is the providence of fools". Let us not sink into despair at our school, let's fix it with our willingness to make things better, for everyone. Demand the changes, accept nothing less."

I turned and walked back to her seat amid the deafening silence of the large auditorium.

Almost as one, the entire assembly stood and applauded. Foot stomping, yelling and clapping went on for 10 minutes before Mr. Wilson could bring order back to the assembly.

"Can we assume that Kim is right? That we accept people for who they are?"

The stomping and cheering went on for another few minutes, until he finally waved them back to class. I gathered my books, gave Mom a kiss, shook hands with the principal and Mr. Wilson, who said, "That is an A+ Kim!", then I went to my first class.

Michelle and Cheryl met me as I walked off the stage, tears in their eyes.

"It looks like you're definitely out now Kim."

"I know, but somehow, I don't care. I am a girl and you know it as well as I do. I won't change for someone else."

As I walked to class many of the kids smiled at me and clapped as I went by, but the best was when I saw Jeff in the hallway. He walked up to me, and without a word, pulled me into his arms and kissed me!

"This is my girl!" he said as some kids looked on.

I was smiling at his very uncharacteristic move, and stood next to him, his arm firmly around my shoulders.

"Any questions?" he asked.

"Yah," a voice from the back of the crowd said,

"How come we don't get a chance?" His answer surprised Kim to her core.

"Because I love her, and you're only curious!"

That brought a roar from the kids who started clapping again. I let him kiss her again, then they walked to class.

Jill returned to school, still dressed as a girl, but she was sullen and remote, afraid of what the kids would say about her. It took Michelle, Jane, Kelly, Cheryl, and myself to convince her that nobody looked down on her. In fact, there was one particular boy that was quite worried about her. Jill took almost a month to return to her old self, and as she and Ned became an item in school, she relaxed some more. By the middle of the term Jill and I had become just another couple of coeds, accepted by everyone, protected by most and admired by many. At the urging of my teachers, I took up speaking in public more often, and became an outspoken advocate of human rights.

I did well in my studies and graduated with honors, smiling as I knew that the following week after my graduation I would have the surgery to become whole. Then I'm going to show Jeff what being a woman meant; but that was my secret.

I was handed my diploma, and started to walk to my seat, but before I made it even halfway, a roar rose from the assembly as people rose to their feet and clapped, shouted, and whistled. I stood there, soaking it up, the acknowledgement that I had made a difference in my school. I had been accepted, even by those parents that had denounced me while I was in school. I had said and done my best, and I was proud of it. As I sat, I saw my Grandparents in the audience, smiling and clapping, my Grandfathers acceptance worth more than anything else.

Two months later, I fulfilled my pledge to myself, and it was an afternoon Jeff will always remember.

 

© 2000

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