Alack, A Lass

by commentator

  

Angus McFarland marched along the beach playing the pipes in full regalia. Actually he hadn't planned on practicing out here in the middle of nowhere but his flatmates had suggested he get some fresh air. Actually they had bodily tossed him from the flat muttering dire threats about where his pipes might end up if he didn't practice elsewhere. So Angus marched along the shore thinking about Timothy O'Shea.

Now Angus loved women, he loved the clothes they wore, the way they smelled and the way they looked. But he loved Timmy more and his greatest wish in life was to find his way to Timmy's heart. But alas, Timmy only had eyes for the lassies and this painful thought caused Angus to produce the most awful wailing note from his pipes. So painful was that note that fish popped out of the water and lay dead on the surface and right in front of him an old bottle fractured into thousands of pieces and sent the stopper shooting ten feet into the air.

Then before Angus' astonished eyes appeared a genie with hair standing straight out and holding her fingers in her ears for dear life.

The genie looked about and cautiously removed her fingers from her ears but remained poised to instantly replace them if necessary and regarded Angus with a jaundiced eye.

"Was it you produced that awful caterwauling?" she asked.

"Aye, miss. I'm sorry if I disturbed you, " the apologetic Angus replied. "The pipes got away from me."

"You humans certainly find unique ways to free me from the bottle. Can't any of you just pull out the stopper like it was intended? No matter. You are entitled to one wish for freeing me so get on with it, I have a major house repair to begin."

Angus thought, "Here's my golden opportunity" and said, "I wish I were a lassie with long golden blond hair and that I could love Timmy forever."

"So it is spoken," and the Genie paused while Angus stood there frozen and she lifted up the front of his kilt. "Aha just as I suspected," she said and then completed the phrase, "So shall it be done!"

 

Later ------------------------------------------------------------

 

"Timmy, time for dinner," called out his mom.

Timmy yelled for Lassie, "C'mon girl time to eat."

Angus shook his coat and scampered after Timmy.

"Cut, " yelled the director and then turned on the dog's trainer. "I know we're using a male dog because they're easier to train but could you please stop Lassie from trying to hump Timmy's leg every time they're alone!"

  

  

  

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