"Doctor come quickly, I think she’s waking up" the masculine voice yelled as I woke from a deep sleep. The only problem was I didn’t recognize the voice. Then, when I opened my eyes and looked at where the voice was coming from the voice said, "Darling, you’re awake." Who is this man? I thought. He’s calling me darling and I don’t even know him.
Just then a nurse entered the room and said, "Mr. Carter, Dr. Samsell will be here soon. In the meantime, he asked me to check on your wife." She then turned and looked at me and asked, "How are you Mrs. Carter?" When I tried to answer all I could manage was a squeak. It felt like I hadn’t spoken in a long time. The nurse then said, "Dr. was afraid of this, after six months your vocal chords may have frozen. Don’t try to speak until I let Dr. Carter know what’s going on.
Oh boy was I confused. The man is my husband and I’ve been here six months. What in the hell is wrong with me? All I know is what I’ve heard. I don’t even know my first name. What was even more worrying, was that my body didn’t feel right. Every second was like torture waiting for the Doctor.
When Dr. Samsell came into the room, he looked at me and said, "It’s good to see you awake Mrs. Carter, with a little physical and speech therapy, I’m sure you’ll be up and about in no time. I’d like to start by checking your motor skills." He then pulled the covers off me and picked up my left foot. "Mrs. Carter, push down on my hand as hard as you can," he requested. When I did, he then moved to my right foot and then to my hands.
When he had finished getting me to move in all sorts of ways, I was tired and sore. I also knew that I was as weak as a kitten. He then smiled at me and said, "Well it’s not that bad, a couple of weeks should see you almost back to normal. But what is normal? I thought. I know I’m a female and I’m married but I don’t know who I am or why I’m here. If only I could speak, I could tell them about my lack of memory.
A week later, I was able to speak for short periods and I was able to write. Using both speech and writing, I was able to let the doctors know about my memory problem. I then found out a bit more about my life. My name is Sarah Jane Carter and I have been married to my husband, John for five years. We have two children, twins in fact. Their names are Luke and Leia and they are four years old. Yes I know it sounds corny, but John and I had our first date at the movies and we saw Star Wars. No not the original, the Special Edition, we’re not that old.
My hospital stay came about, when I collapsed one day at home. When John found me lying in a pool of blood, he called an ambulance and I was rushed to hospital. When I arrived at the hospital, the doctors discovered that I had been pregnant and had miscarried. They then discovered that I had a cancerous growth in my uterus. Further testing showed the tumor to be malignant. Due to the weak state I was in due to blood loss, John had agreed to me having a radical hysterectomy.
During the operation I had slipped into a coma and had been that way until I woke up. When I asked the doctors about the hysterectomy, I was told all about it. Evidently they had removed everything, I would never again be capable of giving birth and I would need to take hormones. Evidently, without my uterus I would be like a woman who had gone through menopause. Luckily Dr. Samsell had implanted hormones which would last for up to three months only two days ago.
After two weeks of therapy, I was speaking almost normally and the physical therapy was working well. After what seemed like an eternity but was only another two weeks, Dr. Samsell told me I could go home. I was so relieved, it had been hard on my children having to visit their mother in hospital. When the children had first come to see me, they had been like strangers. After that every new visit made me feel more like their mother. They were great kids and made me feel loved and needed.
When we came home the children were so happy to see me that they ran and hugged me. After that every day they wanted to be with me every moment. They had missed me and I had fallen in love with them. Yes, I know a mother should always love her children, but I still didn’t really remember them. Dr. Samsell had told me that being in familiar surroundings might help me to recover. Unfortunately, despite all the photos and other reminders, my memory refused to come back.
John always understood and even arranged some help for me. John had hired Dianna to look after the children when I had gone to hospital. Now that I was home John asked her to stay on and to help me also. She agreed and during the day she would help me with the children and with my femininity. Yes, I know I’m a woman, but I couldn’t for the life of me remember. Even the normal things, like make-up and hair care escaped me. Dianna even helped me with my bathing and toilet needs. Yes, even those things that should be like second nature were unknown to me.
Dianna was a good friend to me and soon had me taking better care of myself. She kept telling me that it was such a waste for me to try and hide my beauty. She would then stand me in front of a mirror and tell me to look at myself. At first it was whilst I was fully clothed, then later it was just after I showered. It’s pretty hard to be embarrassed in front of a woman who has bathed you and helped you keep your privates clean. Soon I was agreeing with her, I was beautiful.
My long blonde hair perfectly framed my pixie like face and looked great hanging down my back. My bottom although not perfect was quite shapely and looked good with my wide hips. The best part of me though was my breasts. They were a perfect 36C and they didn’t even sag. All up I was a stunning 36C-25-38 blonde woman and with Dianna’s help I started to look even better. Even John noticed, telling me he was so lucky to be married to such a babe.
After weeks of recovery at home, I started to accept that my memory would not return, This realization was hard to accept, but it made me even more determined. I owed it to John, Luke and Leia. They accepted me and showed me nothing but love and understanding. So that night I decided, I was going back to our bedroom. Yes, John was that understanding. He told me the first night we returned home that he would wait for me to be ready, and now I was.
To say that our first night together was a disaster would be an understatement. Although, John was kind and gentle, I just felt awkward and I think I even hurt him. When I tried to apologize, John just laughed it off and told me not to worry. He then kissed me and we fell asleep holding each other. As I slept that night I had a nightmare. It started off so nicely, John and I were being frisky and decided to make love. It was when we started to get undressed that it became scary. I was down to my bra and panties and John was lying back on the bed naked. Oh how I wanted him. Then when I removed my panties, it was there. I had a penis not a vagina.
When I woke up, John was holding me and telling me everything would be okay. He must really love me I thought, why else would he put up with me? With John comforting me, I soon fell asleep again and slept the rest of the night without dreaming. In the morning, I could still remember the nightmare and it worried me. Why had I dreamed that I had a penis? I’m a woman after all. Maybe Dr. Samsell could help me. I mentioned to John that I would like to see Dr. Samsell and he told me he would talk to him for me.
The next few nights John and I just cuddled in bed and I didn’t have any nightmares. However the next time we made love it returned. At this stage I hadn’t realized that sex and the nightmare were linked, but soon I did. When I asked John about Dr. Samsell, he told me he was on holiday and he was unable to contact him. I was a little worried, but decided to try some research of my own.
When John went to work the next day, I asked Dianna for some help. We had a computer in the house but I wasn’t sure how to use it. After Dianna started the computer she got me on the Internet and showed me how to search for information. Shortly after that Dianna looked at the time and decided to go and check on the children. Searching for dreams and nightmares was easier than I thought. Soon I had a number of results and I checked each of them. A common thread through most of the sites was that dreams and nightmares were the subconscious minds way of telling a person something.
That just confused me even more. Did I want to be a man? No, that wasn’t possible. I was a wife and mother, why would I want that? Whilst sex with John hadn’t been successful at first each time we made love things got better. Yes, I suppose the saying practice makes perfect, is true. The next search I made was a little naughty, but I was interested. Yes. I sought out a sex site. I was sure that John was enjoying our sex life, but I found something missing. The number of sites that came up amazed me. Did everybody have sex on their brains or what?
The results were amazing though. I soon found what I was looking for and wondered if John would be interested. After all, we hadn’t tried anything like that before. Maybe if I did it first, he would try it on me. Oh, I guess you’re wondering about what I found. Well, I found a site that had information on oral sex. Yes, it had all sorts of information on cunnilingus and fellatio. The site even suggested that it could make sex better, by bringing a woman to orgasm before penetration. It even had some techniques on self-gratification or masturbation.
After I shutdown the computer, I tried masturbating. It was absolutely sensational. After I had masturbated for a little while, I felt a wonderful sensation that took over my body. It was like nothing else I had ever felt, and soon I knew what sex with John was missing. I wasn’t orgasming. I really needed to introduce some new things into our sex life. That night I was disappointed when John said he was too tired for sex. I had really wanted to try out the new techniques I had read about. Maybe, if John gave me an orgasm before he put his cock in me I would not have the nightmare.
It wasn’t until a few nights later that John and I made love again. When I suggested oral sex, John was shocked. He then told me that he used to love me going down on him. I knew then that I would have to go first. When I looked at his cock, I saw how big it was. He had told me that I had sucked on it before, but I was sure it would choke me. Well, I thought no use in worrying, just get on with it. I did and John later told me that I was great. I don’t know how, but I did some things that I hadn’t read about. Maybe, some of my memory was coming back.
After finishing John off, I asked him to return the favor. He then kissed his way down my body and got ever closer to my vagina. He then kissed my thighs and ran his finger around my labia. I was starting to feel good, when John stopped. He then looked up at me and said, "I’m sorry beautiful, but I just can’t. I’m worried about hurting you." I was upset but I could tell how scared he was by looking in his eyes. Why was he so afraid, surely putting his cock in me was more likely to hurt me?
Yes, you guessed it I was no longer in the mood and let him know. He just glared at me and said in a very disparaging way, "Just like a woman. Whenever you don’t want sex, you shut it off. Well screw you I’m out of here." He then got up, dressed and stormed out of the room. As he was leaving the room, he said under his breath, "My God she’s just like her sister!" I don’t think he intended for me to hear it, but I did. Now what did he mean with that remark?
Then it dawned on me, the bastard had been screwing around on me. I know I had been in a coma, but to do that to me and with my sister. Well, he was going to pay and so was my bitch of a sister. The only problem I had was in finding my sister. Nobody had mentioned her since I came out of the coma and I had no idea of my maiden name. I had to find something that would have my maiden name on it, but what? It finally dawned on me, my marriage certificate. Now, where would it be?
As I searched for my marriage certificate, I found a number of things. Our wedding video and photo album, but I just couldn’t find the marriage certificate. I then wondered if there might be a photo of it in our wedding album. As I glanced through the photos, my anger subsided. It was the photos, I seemed so happy and yet I couldn’t remember any of it. Remarkably, I still looked almost the same. The only difference was that my hair had grown. Almost six years since I married and I was still beautiful.
Then I saw something in one of the photos, a man who looked just like me. Could I have a brother as well as a sister? If so, why didn’t anyone mention them? I was now curious about my family, so I decided to watch the video. It was during the video that I found out my maiden name, it was Stillingham. John’s best man mentioned it during his speech at the reception. Then after the speeches, I got more information on my family. The cameraman had sought out all of my family during the reception and asked them for messages for the newly weds. My parents were Mary and Andrew and my brother was Ben. The only person not there was my sister. Strangely, nobody even mentioned her.
Even though I was tired I had to know more, but where should I start. It was too late to ask Dianna, so I went back to bed and tried to sleep. In the morning John had still not come back and I was glad. If he came back, I wasn’t sure how I would react. After telling Dianna what I wanted to do, she suggested the phone book or the Internet. If I looked up my maiden name, I might get lucky and find something.
I then realized that because of my amnesia, I was almost the proverbial blonde bimbo. I know I’m not really stupid, but the amnesia did make me seem a little vague. After eating breakfast, Dianna took me upstairs to the computer room and showed me how to search the phone directory on-line. It was great not only could I search the local directory, but also I could search a lot of others. In the local area, I found only one Stillingham but the initial was wrong. I just hoped that they were some sort of relation. The only other Stillingham I found was on the other side of the country.
When I shutdown the computer, I immediately rang the number for the local Stillingham. There was no answer, so I tried the other number. Unfortunately, the number had been disconnected. My only hope was the local number. I tried it again and still there was no answer. I then realized that it was during working hours. Maybe the person was at work, so I waited. I only had to wait five hours, but it seemed like a lifetime. When I next rang, a woman answered. When I asked her if she knew any of my family, she hung up.
Why had she done that? I had to know. So I called a taxi company and soon I was on my way to her house. What I was going to do or say when I got there, I had no idea. When I arrived, the house seemed familiar, as did the neighborhood. That’s strange, I thought I can’t remember having been here before. Then as I walked up to the house, I remembered having been inside. I was totally confused now, if I had been here was I visiting my brother or someone else.
After I knocked on the door a woman answered. She took one look at me and slammed the door in my face. When I knocked again, she swore at me and told me to go away. I tried to find out what was wrong, but she refused to speak to me. Soon after that I heard police sirens and a policeman was telling me I would have to leave. When I asked him why, he told me that I was trespassing. With no other alternative, I agreed to leave. The police were nice enough to arrange a taxi for me and wait until it arrived.
When I got home, John had returned. The minute I saw him, I knew I had not forgiven him for last night. Then when he asked me where I had been, I exploded. I told him it was none of his business and stormed up to the bedroom. When I got there, I shut the door and locked it. What sort of a man, did I marry? I thought. I had no real memories of him up until about a month ago, but already he was lying to me and keeping information from me. What was it about my past that he didn’t want me to know?
Shortly after I locked the door, John tried to get in. When the door refused to open he knocked and tried to talk his way in. It almost worked, but when he started calling me honey and sweetie my anger rose again and I told him to leave me alone. When he gave up I was relieved. It had been a long day and all I had now was more questions. I really needed to get my memory back. It was the only way, I could answer all of the questions.
When I finally feel asleep, I had another nightmare. I was with the woman that had slammed the door in my face. Only this time we were sitting on a couch and I was looking at her. What worried me were my feelings for her. I knew I loved her and wanted to have sex with her. The next thing I knew I was kissing her and then I woke up. What in the hell was that all about? I thought. First I dream about having a penis and then I dream about having sex with another woman. I knew then that I really needed psychiatric help.
When I heard John’s car leave the next morning I was dressed and went straight to see my children. Dianna was also there and I asked her if she could do me a favor. Dianna was only too happy, so I asked her if she could visit the house I had been at the previous night. I explained what had happened the night before and I suggested that Dianna not tell her who she was until she was inside. Once she was inside maybe she would be able to find out who the woman was to me.
Dianna and I then played with the children until lunch. Luke and Leia were such good children and so inquisitive. I was still sad about not remembering their earlier lives, but I was determined to make up for it. After lunch Dianna suggested we go to the zoo and the children were rapt. Dianna drove our other car and soon we were at the zoo. As soon as we got in the gates Luke went one way and Leia the other. Without even thinking I took of after Luke and Dianna went after Leia. After we caught up with them we met back at the gate and we sat the children down. After explaining that we needed to stay together, we were off.
Despite the talk, it wasn’t long before Dianna or I needed to go after one or the other of them. Whilst they seemed to have endless energy, it wasn’t long before Dianna and I were wrecks. Dianna then suggested that we leave and take them to a local park. I agreed and we were soon at the park. When the children ran off to the playground equipment, Dianna and I just sat and chatted. Soon I felt really comfortable and Dianna and I started talking about my problems at home.
Due to the fact that Dianna was my only friend, I told her everything I knew. When I finished, I was crying. Dianna then moved over and hugged me and told me to get it all out. It felt so good to finally tell someone else about my worries and Dianna seemed to understand me. When I finished crying Dianna handed me a handkerchief and told me to dry my eyes. She then suggested that I clean up my face as my tears had made a bit of a mess. I took her advice and when I took out my compact I found she was right.
Just as I finished fixing my face the children came back. They were excited and yelling, "Mummy, Aunt Dianna quick come and see what we found." Dianna and I were hard pressed to keep up with them but we did. When they stopped, they were under a tree. They then both looked up and pointed yelling "Look Mummy, look Aunt Dianna, look." When we did look we saw what had them so excited. It was a kitten that seemed to be stuck in the tree. Both of them then said, "Mummy can we have the kitty, we found him?"
When I looked at them and saw the pleading look in their eyes, I couldn’t say no. So instead I said, "Okay if we can get kitty out of the tree, you can have it." I was hoping that the cat was not going to come out of the tree and they would give up on it. As soon as I told them they could have it, Luke and Leia started calling the kitten. "Here kitty, kitty" they chanted. When I looked up the kitten was moving, it seemed to be trying to get closer to the children. As it crept out on the branch above the children, I heard a creaking noise and was worried about the branch breaking.
I looked across at Dianna and saw a worried look on her face, so I assumed she had heard the noise too. When I next looked up the kitten was gone. Where did it go? I wondered I was sure I had only looked away for a second at most. I then looked down to see that the kitten was in Leia’s arms and Luke was patting it. I then looked at Dianna again and she had the same worried look on her face. I turned around and saw what she was looking at it was John, he was sitting on a bench and talking to a woman.
When I looked closer at the woman, I recognized her as the nurse from the hospital. Luckily, the children hadn’t seen him. I was I going to explain what their father was doing in the park with another woman. Dianna finally noticed that the kitten was in Leia’s arms and started to move them back towards the car. When we got there she finally got them strapped in and we were off. All I could think about was John and that woman. He must be cheating on me with her too, I thought. Why else would he be meeting her in a park, miles from his office.
Yes, I know you’re starting to think that I’m a paranoid woman, but what else could I think. He had lied to me and hidden information from me and had admitted his adultery under his breath, when he didn’t think I could hear him. Now he was with another woman in a park, I didn’t need to be a genius to work out what was going on. When I looked across at Dianna, she just smiled nervously at me and said, "Sarah, I think we should take the kitten to a vet and have it checked out, don’t you?" I knew what she was doing and I wanted to thank her, but instead I just said, "Yes, Dianna you’re right."
After taking the kitten to the vet, we returned home. The kitten was a male and apart from a case of fleas, just fine. Dianna then sent the children upstairs to play with the kitten and then sat down with me again. She then hugged me and told me she understood how I must feel. She further explained that she had recently gone through a messy divorce caused by her husband cheating on her. Dianna then started crying and set me off again. We cried for ages and it helped us both let go of our emotions.
When we finished crying, Dianna suggested we check on Luke and Leia. We found them in the computer room watching the kitten playing with the computer cables. Although, the kitten looked cute playing with the cables, I was worried about what damage it may cause so I picked up the kitten. I then asked the children to follow me out of the room. I took them into their playroom and put the kitten down. It ran straight over to a ball and started to play. In the meantime I told Luke and Leia that they should not let the kitten get into the computer room.
Dianna and I then watched them and the kitten for a while. It was good for both of us. We had become so emotional and watching the children with the kitten soon had us giggling. Its antics were so funny, it would push the ball away and then attack it. When it grabbed the ball it would hold onto the ball and then roll around with it before starting again. I then realized that the kitten hadn’t been named. I got the children’s attention and then asked them what they wanted to call their pet. After some bickering between them, it was finally decided that the kitten would be called Fluff. I guess I could understand that, he was just like a little ball of fluff.
After naming him the children sat there and watched Fluff. He seemed to have grown tired of playing with the ball and was now swatting at a chord attached to one of Luke’s toy bags. Dianna and I then left the children to their fun and went downstairs. Whilst we were upstairs I had made up my mind. I was going to divorce John and make sure that I kept the children. I knew that if Dianna would help me things would be fine. I just needed to ask her for her help.
As soon as we were downstairs, I asked Dianna for her help. She was only too glad to help, she had never had children but didn’t want them living with a man like John. Now all we had to do was tell John, but how was I going to do that? I was worried he might become violent and hurt me or worse the children or Dianna. We had to stop him getting in to the house, but how? I asked Dianna if she could suggest anything and she suggested having the locks changed. It was still early enough so we called a locksmith and he came over straight away.
Fifteen minutes later, he had changed the locks and he was gone. It was then after 5.00 p.m. and John would be home within the next twenty minutes. We waited hoping that he would not be too violent but when it was 6.00p.m. he still wasn’t home. Dianna didn’t want to leave me alone, but I told her I would be okay and she went off to see the mystery woman as she had promised.
Dianna was gone for over two hours and when she returned it was almost 8.30p.m. She asked me if John had come home and I told her no. She then told me that she had some good and bad news for me. She then told me what had happened. When Dianna had arrived at the house, she was not sure about how she was going to get the woman to talk. Then when the woman had answered the door Dianna had recognized her, they had gone to school together. The woman recognized her too and soon they were chatting away.
When Dianna told her why she was there, she wasn’t very keen to talk. Dianna has her ways though and soon had all the information. Her name she told me is Jenny Stillingham and she is your sister-in-law. That’s the good news she continued the bad news is that Andrew and your parents are dead. It seems that your parents died just after you gave birth to the children. They did see their grandchildren and were extremely happy to be grandparents. Unfortunately, soon after that their house burned down and they died in the fire.
I felt like I was hearing this for the first time and I burst into tears. Dianna then told me what had happened to Andrew. He supposedly received a phone call from me and was on his way to my house when he lost control of his car. The car rammed into a power pole and caught fire. Because it was late at night, nobody was around and the car exploded, incinerating Andrew. This news added to the previous news saw me become hysterical and I balled my eyes out.
When Dianna slapped me, I reacted badly and slapped her back. She then waited for me to calm down and asked, "Sarah, when did you collapse and go to hospital?" I wasn’t sure but I said, "It was sometime in early January, why?" Dianna then shocked me by saying, "Well, Andrew died in late January when you were already in a coma. Sarah, I think he was murdered." "Are you serious? I exclaimed. "Yes, I am just listen to me," she replied.
I agreed by nodding my head and she told me why she thought he was murdered. She told me that if I was already in a coma, then I couldn’t have made the call. That meant that somebody else called. The other problem with his death was the missing time, Jenny said he left their house at about 11.00p.m. that night, but his car didn’t hit the power pole until after midnight. That means that there is about an hour of time missing, because it only takes about 15 minutes to get from there to here.
What’s even more interesting is that the police didn’t ask for Jenny to identify the body, due to its condition. He was supposedly identified by the fact that it was his car and his dental records. When Jenny asked them to explain the missing hour, they couldn’t. Even after investigating they didn’t have any answers. When Jenny insisted they try again, they asked for public help. They placed pictures of John and his car in newspapers and on TV.
Two days later, a woman came forward. She claimed to have made the phone call to Andrew. She then told them that they were having an affair and that Andrew had been at her house that night. Jenny thinks that they accepted her story, as they were now eager to close the case. Only Jenny was still not happy and she confronted the woman. According to Jenny, she got the story all wrong. She couldn’t remember the time she called and she didn’t seem to know enough about Andrew. Jenny thinks she was paid to tell her story.
I looked at Dianna and I could tell she believed all of what she had told me. I just couldn’t believe it, it seemed to far fetched. Why would someone want to murder my brother? Why had Dianna fallen for this cock and bull story that Jenny told her? I had to get the real story, so I told Dianna I needed some time alone. I then went upstairs to my bedroom. After closing the door, I called the police and asked them for details of my brother’s death. I was told that I would need to come to the station and prove my identity before they would help.
It was now late and I decided to go to bed. During the night, I had another nightmare. This time I was driving somewhere in a hurry. When I stopped I was at this house and I ran to the front door. It then opened and I saw my own body at the bottom of the stairs. I woke with a start, but soon wrote the nightmare off as a combination of the bad news and Dianna’s story.
The next morning I told Dianna I was going to the police station, and asked her to look after the children. I then left by taxi for the police station. The policewoman at the desk was one of the officers who had been called to Jenny’s. When I told Officer Vega why I was there, she asked me for the relevant identification and I showed her my driver’s license. I then showed her the wedding video to prove my maiden name. After checking with a senior officer, she came back and called up the case on the computer. "You’re in luck Mrs. Carter it’s been imaged and I can print it for you," she said. After an edited version of the report was printed and I was soon sitting in an office reading it.
A lot of what Jenny had told Dianna was true. The file was full of shorthand notes and some normal notes. The time of the call was in the report, with a note saying it was unconfirmed, as was the time of the accident. What was interesting though were some of the investigating officer’s notes. She was concerned with the fact that there seemed to be no skid marks at the accident scene. After that note the case was reassigned. The next note read, Driver must have been drunk or in some other way incapacitated and drove directly into pole. The file then mentioned Jenny and how she had tried to have the investigation restarted. Finally it mentioned Jenny’s complaint about the woman being paid to lie. The note that followed that was, No investigation of witness is suggested at this time.
I know that earlier I seemed to be paranoid, well I guess I am. Why would the police officer investigating the case be changed, before it was closed and why wouldn’t they investigate the witness. I knew that Officer Vega knew me, so I asked if she could explain a few things to me. After reading the file she told me that sometimes officers were transferred and any cases were then reassigned. She also told me that some of the shorthand notes seemed to indicate that the officer who took Jenny’s complaint thought she was paranoid. After I asked Officer Vega where the investigating officer was transferred to, she told me she would check and get back to me. I gave her my phone number and then thanked her and left.
As I was returning home in the taxi, I had time to think. Maybe the police were right, Andrew was having an affair and drove into a pole whilst he was drunk. With all that had happened to me lately, I guess I was being paranoid. By the time I got home, I had decided to reject the idea that Andrew had been murdered and get on with my life. Dianna was waiting for me when I got inside. She told me that John had come home and tried to get in. When his key hadn’t worked, he had rung the bell and yelled for you. When I told him you were not here, he demanded to know where you were. Then when I told him he left immediately and hasn’t been back since.
I was relieved about that, maybe he would now leave us alone. Later that night Officer Vega called and told me that Officer Giano had been transferred to a nearby station. I don’t know why I did it, I suppose it was curiosity. Yes I called and asked for her only to be told she wasn’t due in until later that night. I even left a message asking her to call me back. When the phone rang later that night I answered it and it was Officer Giano. After I spoke with her for a while, I had changed my mind again. Yes it is a woman’s prerogative to change her mind.
You’re probably wondering what she said that changed my mind. Well, it wasn’t any one thing it was a combination of things. The clincher though was when she told me about her transfer. She and her husband had bought a new home closer to the new station, but when she asked to be transferred she was told no. In fact she was told that there would be no transfers made for at least six months. Then two days after she mentioned to her Sergeant her worries about Andrew’s accident she was transferred. She was so happy that she didn’t even question the transfer.
She might not have questioned it, but I surely was. Something was very fishy about the whole thing. What was it about my brother that somebody didn’t want me to know? After the call from Officer Giano, I spoke to Dianna again and she told me a little bit more about what had happened after Andrew’s death. Jenny had tried to contact me about Andrew’s death but had no luck. Finally when she visited the house, the person who answered the door told her I was unavailable. Jenny didn’t know why you were not available and when you didn’t attend the funeral, she decided to have nothing else to do with you.
That explained why she wouldn’t speak to me. But why hadn’t John attended the funeral or sent a message to let Jenny know why I wasn’t there? I really didn’t want to speak to him, but the only way to get the answers was to speak to him. It was too late to call that night though, so I went and watched television with Dianna. About an hour later Luke screamed and I left Dianna to check on him. He had woken up and been scared by a noise in his room. So I calmed him down and then sat with him until he fell asleep. On my way back downstairs, I checked on Leia also and found her still sleeping soundly.
Dianna went to bed after the movie we were watching finished and I stayed up to watch a little more TV. My mind was just to full of questions to sleep right then. I’m not sure when, but sometime later I fell asleep on the couch and I woke up there the next morning, when the children came into the room. I was glad to see them and we sat together and watched cartoons until Dianna came in. We all then went out to the kitchen to have breakfast. During breakfast Luke and Leia wanted to know if we could go to the park again. They had played with Fluffy enough and wanted to do something different.
I knew I had been too busy to spend much time with the children, so I went to the park with them. Dianna drove us there and then said she would be back in an hour. She needed to do some shopping or we would run out of food, she told me. The children were having a ball in the park and when Dianna returned they didn’t want to leave. We finally got them in the car and took them home.
I had put off ringing John for long enough, so I rang. As usual his secretary answered and I asked for John. She said, "I’m sorry Mrs. Carter, but he’s not in today. By the way I’m sorry to hear about your marriage problems. I hope you can solve them." I thanked her and asked her to get John to call me, when she next saw him. She then suggested I try his mobile phone, so I took the number from her. I had forgotten about his mobile phone. He had never wanted one, but when I went to hospital he had got one. It just made sense he had told me. If the hospital or the children needed him they could.
I rang John’s mobile phone and I was diverted to his message service. After leaving a message I went out to the kitchen to find out what Dianna and the children were doing. The kitchen was a mess, Dianna and the children were making a cake. It looked like fun so I joined in. I think we got more of the ingredients over ourselves than we got in the mixing bowl, but soon our cake was in the oven. We gave Luke and Leia the mixing bowl and Dianna and I started cleaning up.
By the time we had finished cleaning up, the cake was almost ready. 15 minutes later, it had finished cooking and had cooled down enough to ice it. The children wanted to eat it there and then, but we told them it was for after dinner. Reluctantly they agreed and we went and watched a video with them. It was one of those Disney movies, The Lion King. The movie was a great idea as soon Luke and Leia had forgotten the cake. When the movie finished it was almost time for dinner, so I tried John’s mobile phone again. This time it rang for a while before it went to his message service. So, Once again I left a message, this time though I worded it a little more strongly.
The days flew by and still I had not heard from John. I guess he thought by avoiding me I would give up. He was wrong though, it only made me more determined. I had left enough messages with his secretary and on his message service, so I decided to confront him personally. As I walked into his office, I could hear his voice and knew I had him. His secretary could hardly tell me he wasn’t in today, could she. She did try it though, so I just barged into his office and confronted him.
He told me to get out of his office or he would have me removed. As he picked up the phone I mentioned knowing all about Andrew’s death. His reaction was amazing. He dropped the phone and just stared at me. The look on his face was one of pure rage and I was worried about what he would do. Amazingly, he just ran from the office and out of the building. I wasn’t sure where he was going but I was worried about Dianna and the children, so I rang home and warned them. I then realized that Jenny could also be in danger and tried her home number.
When there was no answer, I rang Dianna again and asked her to keep trying. In the meantime I was coming home. As I made my way home all hell was breaking loose. John had gone straight from his office to the hospital and beaten up the nurse I had seen him with. Although, he had beaten her severely she was lucky. If medical help had not been at hand, she may have died. As it was, she was unconscious and the police were now looking for John. When I arrived home the police were there and told me that if I knew where he was I should tell them. I then told them about our argument and how he had stormed out of his office.
When I went inside Dianna was pleased to see me. When the police had first arrived she had been so worried it was to tell her that I was hurt or dead. When they had explained to her what had happened, she had told them about Jenny. The police had then arranged for someone to go to her place. I just hoped that they arrived in time. All of our worrying about Jenny was a waste because John was after Dr. Samsell, but of course we didn’t know that until later.
When the nurse came too, the police questioned her and she told them that John wanted to know where Dr. Samsell was. In fact he had been on holidays and was due back the following day at the local airport. Yes, John had told me the truth about that at least. The police then staked out the airport and John was sighted there. Unfortunately, John got away and Dr. Samsell and the nurse claimed to not know why he was after them. The police however suspected that John had not chosen them at random and decided to investigate them further.
It was during their investigations that they found something. They discovered that the good doctor had been investigated interstate for rape and murder. A Young woman, who had been seeing him, had lodged a complaint of rape against him. She had claimed that he had taken advantage of her whilst she was drugged. The police investigation had just gotten underway when she was found murdered. After investigating him for her murder, the police had to drop both cases due to lack of evidence. The bad publicity though had ruined his reputation, so Dr. Samsell had moved interstate to start again.
When they questioned the doctor next, they asked him about his past and he broke down and told them that John was blackmailing him. Somehow, John had gotten evidence on him and forced him to steal drugs and commit other criminal acts. John had the made sure to keep proof of all of the new crimes and the doctor found that he had dug himself into an even deeper hole. The doctor then refused to say any more knowing that he was already in big trouble.
Despite linking the doctor and John, the police were unable to find anything on the nurse. She had no record and kept saying she had no idea why John had attacked her. Yes, I was wrong. John had not been having an affair with her. Maybe she was an innocent victim in all of this. The days went by and still John had not been sighted. What did become evident though was how deeply John was involved in crime. He was blackmailing a number of people and involved in drugs. Yes, I can really pick them can’t I?
Despite the fact that John was still at large, life went on. The children missed their father and Dianna and I tried to fill the whole with lots of activities. I didn’t know how long we were going to be able to keep the truth from them, but I just couldn’t hurt them anymore. Then out of the blue, I received a phone call from the hospital. With all that had happened, I had forgotten about renewing my hormone implant. The next day I went to the hospital and they renewed the implant. I was on my way home when something triggered another memory.
The thing I remembered was John’s bucks turn. Why would I remember that? I couldn’t have been there. Women just didn’t attend their husbands bucks turns. My brother may have been there, but sure as hell I wouldn’t have been. As I was still trying to work it all out the taxi pulled up to the house and I got out. It was as I was walking towards the front door that I gave up on trying to work it out. All I was doing I realized, was giving myself a headache.
That night I had the worst nightmare since coming out of the coma. When I woke up I was sweaty and my mind was racing. From my research I had believed that dreams hinted at something from my subconscious. This time, though the nightmare had been absolutely disgusting. I’m not going to tell you exactly what I dreamt for two reasons. One I can’t remember it all and two, I still find it too disgusting for words. I’ll just tell you that it followed along the same lines as the other dreams, but this time it went a little further.
After that dream though, I had started to become suspicious of who I was. No, I’m not mad but everything seems to indicate that I’m a closet lesbian. My wanting to make love with Jenny, my inability to be aroused by John and other things. I needed to talk to somebody about my suspicions, but I didn’t know who. If I told Dianna, she might take it the wrong way and I would lose her friendship. I was also worried about the children and how they would take it. So I decided to stay in the closet and get on with my life.
Two days later, I was struggling with my decision again. I was having trouble sleeping and I was lashing out at even the littlest things. I knew that unless I did something soon, I was going to go mad. That night Dianna gave me the perfect opportunity to do something about my problems. She had noticed my bad moods and suggested I have a night alone. I didn’t want to do it, but she told me I really needed it so I agreed. I then booked myself into a motel for the night and left.
On my way to the motel, I debated what I was going to do that night and made a decision. After checking in to the motel, I looked in the phone book and found what I was looking for. I then left the motel and walked to the place I had found. When I walked in I was amazed by the number of videos and magazines they had. Yes. I was in an adult bookshop. I had decided to purchase a couple of videos and see which type excited me most. As I hadn’t been in one of these places before I asked the man at the desk for his help.
He was a real sleaze and made me uncomfortable, but soon I had what I wanted. After I had paid, he placed all of my purchases into a plastic bag for me and then handed them to me. As I took them from him he leered at me and said, "I’ve even put something extra in there for you beautiful, I sure hope you’ll be back soon." He then looked me up and down and blew a kiss at me. I was so uncomfortable I turned and ran out of the shop and back to the motel. By the time I was back in my room my heart felt like it was going to burst.
After sitting down for a while I had calmed down enough to see what was in the bag, so I emptied it onto the bed. What I found was the videos I had chosen and two other items. The first was another video and the second was a plastic cock in a box with a small card attached. The box called it a life like dildo, but I had never seen any cock that big before. When I looked at the card I noticed it was a gift card. The front of the card read, Please accept this gift with our thanks. Inside the card though was a scrawled message from Carl the sleazy man at the bookshop. It read, think of me when you use this gift, I know I’ll be thinking about you.
I was shocked and disgusted and pushed the box off the bed. I then looked at the extra video and on it’s cover was a woman with a huge cock. I wasn’t sure why but this video really interested me. I then threw all of the videos and the dildo back into the bag. I had booked in with my real name and didn’t want anyone thinking I was some sort of pervert. My dreams that night were unusual to say the least. I dreamt about having the woman on the box of the video fucking me with her huge cock. When I woke up the next morning, my hands were inside my panties and I was all wet. I had read about this sort of dream on the Internet and knew now why they called it a wet dream.
I came home that morning to an empty house and quickly hid my purchases in my wardrobe. When I went into the kitchen I found a note from Dianna. She and the children were in the park and would be back just before midday. I looked at my watch and saw that I had about two hours to myself and decided to have a bath. The bath was so relaxing that I fell asleep and didn’t wake up until Dianna and the children came home. The bath water was now cold and I quickly got out and started drying myself.
When I was dry, I grabbed my watch and looked at the time. It was only 11.00a.m. So I was surprised that they were already back. I then raced downstairs in my bathrobe to find out why they were back. Dianna saw me first and told me she needed to talk to me alone, so we sent the children upstairs to play. When Luke and Leia closed their playroom door, Dianna told me to take a seat. After I sat down Dianna said, "Sarah, he’s dead. The police shot him." I just looked at her and even though I thought I knew, I asked, "Who Dianna?’ She immediately replied, "John." I didn’t know what to say or how to feel.
Dianna then picked up the remote for the TV and turned it on. She then changed channels until she found one with a news bulletin on. We then sat and watched it and I found out what had happened. According to police information, John had been seen entering a motel by a policewoman. She had called it in and when they had attempted to arrest him John had shot at them. The police returned fire and John was killed. Dianna then told me that she had been in the park when she had heard some people talking about John. When she asked them what had happened, a woman with a headset on told her what she had heard on the radio. Dianna had then got the children and come straight home.
Dianna and I knew without speaking what was going to happen next. The press was going to be here pretty soon and the children didn’t even know about their father. We had to protect them from all of this and the only way was to get them away from here. After talking about it, we decided that Dianna should take the children to her mother’s and stay there until it all blew over. Dianna and the children only just got away before the press arrived. Only a few minutes later the police arrived and I brought them inside. The policewoman in charge was a Sergeant Trudeau. She told me exactly what happened and I was surprised at how close the news bulletin had been to the truth. She then asked me not to make any statements other than, "No Comment."
I quickly agreed, I really didn’t know much anyway. Sergeant Trudeau then went outside and asked for calm. When the press settled down, she then told them that I would be coming out shortly. She then told them that the police would not allow me to be harassed. She then opened the door and told me to come out. Since I had last looked out the window more of the press had arrived and the number of people outside my house amazed me.
The questions started before I even had a chance to catch my breath. I then cleared my throat and waited for silence before saying, "I have no comment at this time." The police then ushered me inside. Sergeant Trudeau then told me that they would be leaving Officer Giano with me and then left. I had never met Officer Giano but we had spoken. She was a nice person and told me she was sorry for my loss. I thanked her and then I offered a drink. She asked for a coffee, so we went out to the kitchen.
As we drank our coffee, she told me how much I looked like my brother. I then asked her if she could remember anything more about my brother’s accident. She must have taken this as my way of dealing with John’s death and we talked for quite a while. She didn’t tell me anything new, but she did tell me that she had thought it was strange that there had been no autopsy performed. She then explained that an autopsy might have proved whether Andrew had been drunk or otherwise incapacitated as the police report suggested.
When the phone rang we stopped talking and Officer Giano told me she would answer it. She did and I knew it was the press when she said, "Mrs. Carter and the police have no comment." She then hung up the phone and disconnected it. I guess she did it to stop any more of the press calling. The only problem was that Dianna would not be able to contact me if she needed to. I mentioned that to Officer Giano and she suggested that I might want to call them on a mobile phone. I told her I didn’t have one and she told me she would organize something.
She tried her police radio in the kitchen but had trouble with reception. She then told me she would need to go outside and try it. She then left me in the kitchen and went to use her radio. Minutes later she was back and she seemed happy. Not only had she got through, but also it seemed that the press now was chasing down another story. Something about a politician and bribery she told me.
I then asked if she thought it was safe for me to visit the children. She couldn’t see a problem and she arranged a ride for us. On the way I called Dianna and told her I was on my way. When we got there Dianna was waiting for me and we went inside. Dianna introduced me to her mother, Melanie and I introduced Officer Giano to them. Dianna then took me to Luke and Leia and left me with them. When I saw them, my emotions got the better of me and I started to cry. This seemed to worry the children and they were soon cuddling me and asking me what was wrong.
I knew that I had to tell them about their father. So I told them that their Daddy, would not be coming home again. When they asked me if they would ever see him again, I had to tell them that he was dead. I then looked at them and could see they didn’t really understand. I just didn’t know how to explain it to them, so I just told them that he had gone away and wouldn’t be coming back. Luke started crying and mumbling but Leia just stared at me. I just hugged them both and hoped everything would be all right.
Dianna’ mother found us like that minutes later and brought us a blanket to cover us up. We sat hugging each other until Luke and I had cried ourselves out. Strangely, Leia had still not spoken or even shed a tear. I guessed that she just didn’t understand it all. I only discovered something was wrong when I tried to get up off the couch we were sitting on. Luke was sad but let go of me but Leia refused to let go of me. As I had no other choice, I carried her out to the kitchen and found the other three women sitting there and talking.
When they saw me holding Leia they asked me how we were. I told them that Luke and I had cried ourselves out and, about Leia’s reaction. Officer Giano then suggested that Leia might be in shock. She then suggested we have a doctor check her out. Luckily for us Melanie’s next door neighbor was a doctor and after he checked on Leia he confirmed she was in shock. He gave her something to help her sleep and then he checked on Luke. Luke was also in shock and the doctor gave him something as well. After the drug took effect we placed the children on the couch and covered them with the blanket. As the doctor left, he told me not to worry. He thought that they would be much better after sleeping for a while.
I tried not to worry, but my love for my children was too much for me. How could I not worry when my children were in pain or frightened? When Dianna suggested that I come out to the kitchen and leave the children sleeping on the couch I refused. I wasn’t going to leave my children alone when they needed me most. So Dianna left me there. A minute or two later, she brought me in some coffee and stayed with me until I had drunk it all. Soon I was struggling to keep my eyes open.
Later when I woke up, I was still in the chair facing the couch but now I was covered with a blanket. I then looked over at the children and saw that they were both still sleeping like angels. Although, I was warm I wasn’t very comfortable so I decided to get up and take a walk. When I walked out to the kitchen, Dianna and Melanie were there but Officer Giano wasn’t. When I asked about her, I was told that she had left about an hour ago. I then looked at my watch and saw that I had been asleep for almost six hours. I then looked at Dianna and she just said, "I’m sorry Sarah, but you needed the sleep." I wanted to argue, but I somehow knew she was right.
When the children woke up, Leia reached out for me and I hugged her. She then started crying and I felt relieved that she was letting it all go. After she had cried herself out, I suggested to Dianna that we should probably go home. She then told me that it might be better if we spent the night there. I finally agreed and we went to bed. I slept in a double bed with both of my children and Dianna slept in her mother’s room. The next morning after breakfast we returned home and tried to get on with our lives.
Due to the bad publicity surrounding John’s last days we had a private service. After the service a man who had stayed at the back approached me. He introduced himself and I found out that he was a solicitor who had acted for John in the past. He gave me his condolences and then handed me an envelope. I looked at the envelope and saw that it was addressed to me in John’s handwriting. He then told me that John had given him explicit instructions to give me the envelope if he died before me. I thanked him and he left.
After John’s body was cremated, we went home and I took the envelope upstairs and closed my bedroom door before opening it. Inside there was a key and a letter. After I read the letter, I knew more about John and his criminal activities. I knew he had been involved in blackmail and drugs but there was even more including murder. The key was to a safety deposit box at a local bank and it contained more information. I know I should have told the police about the safety deposit box, but I decided to have a look myself first. So I went to the bank and brought the contents of the box home.
There were lots of ledgers and books and a video. As I couldn’t decipher the ledgers or books I decided to watch the video. When it had finished I was glad I had not turned over the box to the police before finding out what was inside it. The video had been made just after I had come out of the coma and was a confession of sorts. John had found one final way to torment me.
I won’t bore you by telling you everything that John admitted to, but I will tell you a few of the juicier bits. John had been involved in my parents’ deaths and he had been involved in the car accident. Only the body that was in the car wasn’t Andrew’s it was Sarah’s. That’s right I’m not Sarah, believe it or not I’m Andrew. I know it sounds ridiculous even I didn’t believe it at first but it all seems to fit. It even explains some of the nightmares and the strange memories.
Here is how it all happened. Sometime in early January, Sarah overheard a phone conversation that John had made. In it he made mention of the death of our parents and he boasted about getting away with it. She had been shocked and dropped the phone. John heard her drop the phone and caught her before she could go to the police. After knocking her out John then arranged with Dr. Samsell to have her admitted to hospital. The story about the miscarriage and hysterectomy was Dr. Samsell’s idea. Sarah was then kept drugged into an induced coma. John didn’t want me anywhere near Sarah during this time so he didn’t tell me about her problems.
The phone call that night was in fact from my sister, she had escaped the hospital and had gone home. Why she didn’t just go to the police I’ll never know. Anyway back to the story. When Sarah returned home she called me for help, but before I could get there John had caught her. As they struggled, John had pushed Sarah and she had fallen down the stairs. My memory of seeing my body at the bottom of the stairs was in fact what I had seen when I arrived that night. What I hadn’t seen though was John standing behind the door. When I had entered the house he panicked and knocked me out.
He then called Dr. Samsell who came over straight away. Dr. Samsell told John Sarah was dead and then he remarked on our similarity. This gave John the idea, which lead to me being given a sex change and taking my sister’s place. John may have been evil but his idea was brilliant. Sarah had supposedly had a hysterectomy, so she was going to need to take hormones anyway. Why not just substitute bodies? A little surgery and nobody would ever know? He even worked out how to dispose of Sarah’s body and explain my disappearance. Yes, you guessed it the car accident. It was only luck and a little bit of poor police work that allowed him to get away with it though.
As I was recovering from surgery they used the same drugs as they had on Sarah and I appeared to be in a coma. They knew that eventually I would need to die or come out of the coma. It was then that John’s dislike of me and my family came out in him. He decided to humiliate me by making me his wife. By bringing me around every so often and using a different combination of drugs and subliminal tapes, they tried to bring out my feminine side. To protect me during this time my brain must have rebelled and I developed a new personality that was feminine. They then thought they had been successful and decided it was time for me to come out of my coma.
John then had great fun in fucking my body, knowing that he was also fucking with my brain. Little did he know that he was in fact helping me. If he had not had sex with me, I am now sure that Andrew would have come back sooner. After hiding the video, I called the police and gave them the ledgers and books. To this day I have never told anyone who I really am. Why should I? It would only open old wounds and cause problems. Besides I love being the mother of my children.
You’re probably asking why I wrote this story, if I don’t want anyone to know? Well you don’t really know who I am and I really needed to get it off my chest. Besides that I have finally accepted what I am. Yes, I’m a bisexual woman who loves sex. By the way that video I bought all those years ago is now part of a very large collection of transsexual videos I have. If you haven’t tried sex with a transsexual you don’t know what you are missing. I prefer the pre-operative girls, but the post-operative girls like me can be great too. I just hope that my little story hasn’t bored you to death.
© 2000
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