The Accident                by: Janet L. Stickney                             Janetlynn17@Hotmail.com

 

Those guys were chasing me after half beating me to a pulp, my legs moving as fast as they could. I turned the corner, only to find myself faced with a tall fence. There was no place to go, so I took a running start, leapt into the air, my body hitting the fence in a straddle, almost clearing it. The sudden sharp pain in my groin was followed by an enduring agony that shot through me like fire. I looked down, and saw the blood running down my legs, dripping onto the pavement below. The guys chasing me ran to the fence, saw the look in my eyes, then the dripping blood, and ran, as fast as they could, away from me. Nobody but them saw me. I was alone with nobody to help me, and I knew that unless I got myself off that fence I would die there. It took all my efforts to work through the pain, and the sounds of skin and muscle tearing, but I managed to push up a little, then fell backwards to the ground. The tearing sound that came when I fell, did not sound like material.

I passed out from the pain as I lay there, bleeding and aching for a moment, then woke, and managed to drag myself out to the sidewalk. Someone, I don't know who, called the paramedics. As they worked on me, I could hear the hushed tones they used, then I passed out, only to awaken in a hospital room, my parents by my bedside. Unable to talk because of the tube down my throat, I could not tell them what had happened, yet by the look on their faces, I knew it was bad, very bad. Dad was trying to be stoic while mom was weeping. Later that afternoon, the doctor came in and removed the tube.

"Hi. I'm Dr. Stickney. You have suffered a highly traumatic injury Tom. Essentially, you have been nullified. By that I mean that the spine on the fence rammed through your testicles, tearing them almost completely off, then it went through your penis, almost at the base, severing all of the nerves, blood supply, and damaged the surrounding muscles. I have done just enough to keep your blood supply intact, but I had to remove much of the damaged area. As it stands right now, if I were to sew up the wounds and send you home, you would be a virtual eunuch, but there was enough tissue remaining that I was able salvage enough that I can give you another alternative, one that will allow you to have a normal life…but not as a man. That option is gone Tom, and I cannot repair the damage to your body with anything but superficial surgery. I can make you look like a man, but beyond that, I'm sorry. There is nothing more I can do for you."

Struggling to speak…"If I can't be a man, how can you make it so that I can lead a normal life…"then it hit me. "Oh no! Doc! You're talking about turning me into a woman! I can't…I mean, I don't want to be a…woman!"

"You have very little in the way of options Tom. You can go through life as a sexless male, or let me help you become a woman. As a woman you'll be able to have normal sexual contact, and still lead a useful life. Those are the only choices I can give you. I'm sorry."

"Do my parents know?" I asked.

"Yes. I told them earlier, after my initial examination and the surgery to seal off your blood loss. You don't have long Tom, I have to know by tomorrow morning, okay?"

There wasn't anything to say. I lay there, staring at the perforated ceiling tiles, wondering why I was the one. Why was I the one to have his manlies torn off, why was I the one that faced a lifetime of zero sex, or let the doctor turn me into a woman. It wasn't fair. I lay there with tears in my eyes, the questions tumbling through my mind. I knew that if I let him make me into a woman, I might as well find a job in a freak show, because I could only imagine myself as a woman. Ugly would not describe me well enough. Yet a life with no sex would be unbearable. No parties, no wife, no kids, nothing but work, then death. I was awake, listless in the darkness, tears filling my eyes, because there was only one answer, and as much as I hated to think of it, it was true. I heard a noise…

"Tom" came the soft voice…"it's me." It was my mother. "I came to see how you were doing."

The minute her hands touched me I broke out in tears, her fingers brushing my hair out of my eyes, her lips caressing my forehead.

"Mom, the doctor told me! He said that I would have to…"

"I know honey. He told us while you were in the recovery room."

"I'll be a freak! I've seen those guys that wear dresses, they all look so stupid, and they don't even look like women! Mom…!"

"It's true that there are men out there that dress as women, and it's true that most of them don't look very much like a woman, but there are also men out there that have become women, and nobody ever knows, because they are women! In mind, as well as body. The doctor told me that he has asked someone to come in and talk to you before you make your decision. He told me she would help you decide." I started to speak, but mom held up her hand. "We both know that your father and I have complete say in this because you are a minor, but neither of us wants to be the one to determine what's best for you, especially since it will affect you for the rest of your life. You're now old enough to make that decision yourself. One day we'll be gone, and you'll be stuck with whatever we decided on, and that isn't fair to you." Mom sat back, then, "you're only 15, and that means that you have at least 65 years of life ahead of you. Spending it as a sexless male doesn't seem, well, fair, does it? The doctor told us that when he was done nobody except maybe a gynecologist would be able to tell that you were born a male, and at your age, your healing time would be considerably shorter. It'll be hard on all of us, especially you, but becoming a woman is the only answer, isn't it?"

I lay there, knowing that I was about to become a girl, and there wasn't anything I could do about it. A girl. The very idea of it made me laugh inside. Girls are soft, smell good and giggle a lot, they wear strange clothes, get cranky once in a while, fuss with their hair, and nobody I know has ever figured one of them out, yet I was about to become one of them…a girl. Mom fell asleep at my bedside, and as she slept, I stroked her hair. My mother was a lady to the core, and while I did not have any sisters to base things on, I knew that once I was at home, she would do her best to help me become as much a lady as she is. I joined her in sleep sometime during the long night.

The nurses let us sleep, then, about nine, the doctor showed up, and he had a girl with him. She looked to be about my age, maybe a little older I guess. She was very pretty, with long brown hair, blue eyes, and a body that was more than fantastic. She could have been a model any time she wanted to. I had no idea why she was there, I figured she was a medical student come to see the freak.

"Tom, this is Cathy. She was one of my patients, and I have asked her to come talk to you."

The doctor took mom's hand and they left, leaving Cathy and I staring at each other, then…

"It's a bitch losing your dick, isn't it?" she said before I could answer, "life's unfair kiddo, and you've been dealt a hand you don't know how to play. But look at me! I was a guy just like you, until a drunk driver hit my mom's car that is. Unlike you, I lost everything all at one time, and it was only because everything that defined me as a male was still in my pants that Doc Stickney was able to help me. Oh, I fought it at first, figuring that I would look like a guy in a dress, but I really didn't have any more options that you do, and I took the only one that made sense, the only real option you have by the way."

"But you" I said, "look…great! You were never a guy! I can tell the real deal a mile away!"

"Really?" Cathy said calmly, "then let me show you a few pictures."

Cathy opened her bag, took out an album, and started to flip the pages. I saw a baby boy that grew into a toddler, then a young boy, a teen just discovering life, then, the real pictures she wanted me to see. Her horribly mutilated body before her surgery, the pictures taken by the doctor. Then a close up of her after the surgery. Stitches and bandages mostly, but a few that showed everything. The next set of pictures detailed her growth from what was before, all the way to the girl I saw sitting there with me. The very last picture was a full body shot, showing her to have the body I knew was under those clothes, lush and full, with no trace that she had ever been a male. I was stunned into silence, and went through the pictures one more time, then once again, always stopping at the last one. At first, when I was told what my options were, my mind wasn't able to cope with it. My condition had ruined me, stripped away my life as I knew it away, leaving me with a mere shell. Then Cathy showed me the pictures.

"This is all true isn't it?" I asked, "You were a guy like me?"

"I was 16 when it happened. I had a girlfriend, hobbies, my own car. Yes, I was just like you, and like you, I thought that I might as well be dead, until Doctor Stickney stepped in and showed me another way. Like you, I was in a bed like this one when he brought someone to see me, and she helped me get past what had to be the worst time in my life. I'll tell you this much, after you agree to it, you'll be here in the hospital for about six weeks, but when you leave, you'll be a girl in every sense of the word, and nobody will ever be able to tell the difference, unless you tell them. Look at me! I'm 21, I attend college, have a job, a boyfriend, and plan on getting married some day. I did it, others have done it, you can do it."

I knew, as well as everyone else did, that I would agree to become a girl. Being a sexless male wasn't even an option. Cathy waited until I signed the consent form, along with my parents, and within the hour I was taken to the operating room.

Cathy had been right, I was in the hospital for six weeks and two days. With every procedure, each new alteration to my body, I came to see that Cathy had been right. First they created my vagina, then put me on high doses of hormones which made my body hair fall off rather quickly. Dr. Stickney said it was because of my age, and the fact that I had not completed my own puberty. My breasts began to tingle and swell, but I didn't have any boobs by the time I was released from the hospital. Mom had bought me a pair of pale blue sweats to wear home. Dad was over protective of me, not letting me do very much, until I finally told him to back off. My room was the same, but all of my clothes were gone, everything from shoes to briefs to shirts and jeans. My closet looked almost bare. The only things hanging there was a skirt, a pair of slacks, and a blouse. On the floor was a pair of gym shoes, with pink laces. Once in my room, I stripped off the clothes, and looked at myself once again. I still wore a small bandage, actually a sanitary pad, but I removed it, and looked at myself carefully. My fingers traced the outline of it, opening the folds carefully, so I could see. There, right near the top, was a small nub of skin. I touched it, and a wave of sensations washed over me, all pleasant. I quickly dressed in the sweats again, unable to bring myself to wear the skirt, yet my eyes locked on it, the very symbol of what I was, a woman, or more accurately, a young girl.

At dinner dad told me that the boys that had attacked me had been caught, tried, and sent away. Then he told me that since I had missed so much school that I would have from that moment until school started in the fall to recover. What he really meant was that was as much time as I had to become a real girl, and learn to dress and act like one. He never said much more than that, and it wasn't until the next morning when mom talked to me about personal hygiene, that she told me to get dressed, in the skirt and blouse, plus all of the proper undergarments. I resisted, but she would not take no for an answer, and thus began my real transformation. I didn't know how to wear anything, so she had to show me how to get dressed. My bra lay on my chest with a pair of deflated cups, since I had nothing to put in them. When she produced the breast forms and slipped them into the cups of the bra. I almost felt good. She showed me how to put on makeup, insisting that I do it myself, then she brushed out my hair, using spray and her curling iron to create a moderately feminine hairstyle for me. When I slipped the blouse on and looked in the big mirror, I felt silly, yet there was a girl standing there staring back.

I felt awkward, yet strangely at ease. I wasn't keen on wearing skirts or dresses, but I knew that was my fate, and it would be expected of me. I didn't have to like it, and didn't think I would, but looking at myself in the mirror gave me a chill when I realized that I had good legs, a modest shape, and a face that wasn't as ugly as I envisioned. Not pretty, but not as bad as I expected.

"Thomas?" I looked at mom. "We'll have to find a new name for you, a girls name. We need it to fill out the paperwork to change your name. Have you given it any thought at all?" I shook my head no. "If you had been born a girl we were going to call you Ann. If you like that…"

"Mom" I said, "do we have to do this now?"

"I'm afraid so. The doctor said the quicker the better. It will help you adjust. Now, if not Ann, what?"

I popped out, I didn't even think about it when I said it. "Elizabeth" I said.

"Oh that's a wonderful name!" Mom was overjoyed while I fell into a slump of sorts. But mom wasn't done. She took me to the kitchen, we had some coffee, and that's when she let me know what we were going to do, together, over the next few weeks. "You need more than a sweat suit and one skirt honey. In fact, you need everything, so we are going out today, starting with a trip to the salon, and get you some more clothes."

"Mom…I…"

"You can't stay in the house forever honey, and you have to remember that you are now a girl. You're not just dressing up as one."

Mom gave me a purse to carry, took me by the hand, and out we went. I was only slightly less terrified than when I found out what had happened to me, which made mom smile at me. I really didn't have anything to worry about, before the accident I weighed 135, but that had dropped to 115, and at 5'7" tall, I looked just right as a girl. My hair, once only moderately long, was now well past my shoulders. Mom drove while I watched, then she pulled into a salon. "Full service" it said on the sign, but I didn't know what that meant, and merely followed mom inside, which is when I found out what "full service" really meant. I saw Cathy coming towards me, a smile on her face. She gave me a hug, the introduced me to Shelly.

"You go with her hon, she knows the score, and I guarantee that you'll be a whole new person when she's done with you!"

I looked at mom, saw her nodding her head yes, and let Shelly take me into the back of the shop. I was ashamed when I was told to remove my skirt ,blouse bra, and panties, but with Shelly staring at me, smiling, I did as she asked, and quickly found myself wrapped in a towel, sitting in a steam room! I know she set the thing on bake, because I was beet red when I stepped out 30 minutes later. From there I was stuck in an ice cold shower, and after the shrieking was over, I dried off, slipped on the white robe I was given, and followed her to a reclining chair. My hair was washed, then dyed, trimmed, styled, and set in rollers with what Shelly called a soft perm. Then, while I sat under a dryer, she began to pluck my eyebrows, one after the other, the small hairs piled up on my smock, the pain bearable, but aggravating. When she was done with that, she started in on my face.

First a mud pack, a sort of green goo that she said would make my skin softer, and when that was peeled away, she began my makeup. I couldn't see her, or what she was using, but I was sure it came out of a paint can, a gallon can that is. I sat there for half an hour while she worked on my face, then, with my hair still in rollers, she sat me up, and I saw myself for the first time, and what I saw left me speechless. My once clearly male face had been turned into that of an elfin beauty. My skin looked pale, yet my eyes seemed bigger, my cheeks less full, and my skin looked flawless! As I sat there staring at myself, another girl wheeled over a tray, took my right hand in hers, and started in on my nails.

By the time Shelly was done, I had undergone a complete transformation. My hair, once mouse brown, was auburn, complimenting my blue eyes, my hair lay in waves and curls with short bangs that barely came to my eyebrows. My nails were no longer short and stubby, but longer, with rounded tips and painted a soft rose color that matched my new lipstick. Still naked under the robe, I was steered into a changing booth, and for the first time I dressed myself. I fumbled a bit with the bra, but managed to present myself, fully dressed, and for the first time since it all began, I was smiling at the way I looked.

Cathy and mom stood up when they saw me, mom running to me, hugging me, then Cathy. Mom paid the bill, which just had to be huge, and the three of us left together. For the first time I felt as if maybe I did belong in the ranks of the women, and didn't say a thing as mom pulled in at the mall. With Cathy guiding me, the very first place we went was the lingerie department of a huge department store. There didn't seem to be any restraint as bras and panties, slips and camisoles piled up, nightgowns and robes, slippers and pantyhose, a pantybrief and a corselet were the last to be added, then it was on to the dress shop. Mom let Cathy guide me in my selections, and surprisingly, it turned out to be fun as I tried on all sorts of clothes in at least ten different styles, until I had five skirts, four dresses, two pair of slacks, some jeans, and finally, a swimsuit. When we left the dress shop, Cathy and I dragged it all to the car, went back in to find mom, then went into a shoes store, where I tried on my first pair of heels.

Miraculously, I didn't fall over when I tried walking in them and mom told me to buy heels in black, red, white, taupe, and navy, plus flats in taupe, white and black. By that point I had quit wondering if I "passed", after all, I was a girl, and I could prove it if I had too, and simply enjoyed the shopping. Cathy finally left mom and I, telling me she would see me later, then mom and I went to the cosmetics counter, and I bought my very own perfume. I have no idea how much mom spent that day, except that it was a serious lot of money, and by the time we were at home, I dearly wanted to ask her, since we generally don't have that kind of money. We put all of the clothes away, then mom suggested that I change into one of my new dresses, touch up my lipstick, and put on some perfume. Dad, she said, deserved to see the new me in the best way possible, and I agreed.

Dad was properly stunned, and from that day on, both mom and dad called me Elizabeth, or sometimes, Beth. I began to grow boobs soon after that, and once they started, it seemed to happen rather quickly, because it wasn't long before I no longer needed the breast forms. My parents sent me to a "charm school" so that I would learn how to walk, talk, sit and so on, "like a lady" the teacher said, but for me, it was more. I had to learn how to be fluidly graceful, something that women seem to be born with. I had to work hard at being a girl, since everything was new to me, from the clothes I wore to the way I washed up, even the soap was different, but as the days went by I was able to pick out my own clothes, do both my hair and makeup reasonably well, and with my name changed, I finally got my drivers license in my new name, Elizabeth Elaine. By the time school started again, I was no longer ashamed to be a girl. The part of me that had been male had left me not after my first visit to the salon.

Since I was in an entirely new class, nobody recognized me, and I was accepted as just another girl, which led to my next big hurdle…dating. A month after school started a big mixer was put on, and a boy in my math class asked me to go with him! I wasn't prepared for that, and told him I had to ask my parents, but of course, they said I should go, which I did. It took me all day to pick out what I was going to wear, which mom thought was funny as hell, but in the end, I wore my purple dress. It fit me perfectly, and was short enough to inspire curiosity without being so short it encouraged wandering hands. He was polite all night, and I enjoyed the dance, but when he went to kiss me good night, and I let him, I knew that my journey was over. I was a girl, inside and out, and while I still had doubts about myself, I felt completely relaxed with myself. My friend asked me out again that night, and I went with him that time too. In fact, he was the one I tried my feminine wiles on, and it worked.

Time went by quickly, I graduated, and started college. I'm going to be a nurse. Doctor Stickney called me the other day, there seems to be a patient of his that has had a serious accident, and he wants me to talk to him. I guess Cathy and I will have a new sister soon, sisters in a small sorority of boys that have become girls.

 

© 2001

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