y9oiU2 iOS app developer blues | Craft Cocktail Rules

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good story but 2 short

It's a real plesarue to find someone who can think like that

I call this story a writer's jo story  He has a great idea that,as it unfolds, he starts to jo and then rushes through to end as he also finishes his autoerotic act.  If the mom wanted a daughter what was wrong with the one she had....the story just falls apart but there is hope..if you develop the characters a little better and establish some motive behind the mom it would help. Good luck and I hope to read something more of yours later.  Keep it in your pants until you finish though.

as my previous comments

a short story could have done with a lot more filling out and being forced by his mother that would have made it more exciting

THIS STORY IS GOOD AS FAR AS IT GOES BUT IT NEEDS A LOT OF WORK. WHY IS THE BOY SO DOMINATED, NO EXCUSES ARE MADE, NO THREATS, HE GIVES IN TOO EASLY. IT WAS A GOOD STORY THOUGH.

I feel the story was to short it can be extend and filled out a lot more such as mums reaction to the leg shaving and  some enforcement to teach a lesson it was interesting but needs more work and some changes it is very unusual for this sort of thing to be accepted just like that no matter how easy going mother is

Well, I say that the story is good as far as it goes. But it doesn't go far enough. Just when you are getting to the meat of the story, you settle for the fat around the edges. No, This story has a fine beginning, but now you need to put in the middle and the end.

Barb

The idea of the story may be fine but it was far too rushed. It needs much more detail. It needs a reason for the guy to shave not a sudden impulse. It needs a reason for him to comply to his mother's wishes not boom he's a TS.

  What's the MOTIVATION? You need to give SOME reason
for the protaganist's actions. Saying "it's a sudden
impulse" is not enough.

short but lovely little story worth reading.